Ojo* (46) watched his marriage unravel under the weight of a strained relationship between the two most important women in his life. In this story, he opens up about how things fell apart and the role his choices played in it.

What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?

I’m currently single. I’ve been separated from my wife since 2022, and it hasn’t been great. On some days, I want to fix our relationship, but I’m also considering letting things be for peace’s sake.

Take me back to the beginning. How did your marriage get here? 

I met my wife, Kemi*, when we were teenagers. She was an orphan at our church in Ogbomoso, and my aunt took her in when she was about 12. She moved between family homes for a few years, including ours. We didn’t interact much back then. I come from a big family, and she bonded more with my sisters, who were closer to her age. 

But in 2013, after she’d finished university, she started visiting our house more often to help out my mum. Around the same period, I had just gone through a heartbreak after an ex left me for someone else.

That was when I started noticing Kemi. We began talking more, especially because we were both in academia. I’d just started lecturing at LAUTECH, and she was teaching in a secondary school.

My feelings for her grew gradually. I remember taking her out to a celebatory dinner once — it was her birthday, and I’d just bought my first car. We ate ice cream and drove around town, and that was when I knew I really liked her. She was exactly my type, and I genuinely enjoyed being around her.

She was very clear about wanting a serious relationship. I was already in my thirties, so I thought, why not? We dated for about three months before telling my family we wanted to get married.

How did your family take the news?

Surprisingly, they didn’t take it well. My mum, especially, was upset. I expected her to be happy because she’d always been fond of Kemi, but she strongly opposed our relationship and couldn’t give a clear reason.

Eventually, the rest of the family supported us, and she reluctantly agreed. We got married in 2014.

What was married life like?

At first, it was good. But my mum’s feelings about Kemi and our marriage  caused tension. Kemi tried to win her over, but my mum remained distant, and over time, Kemi began to feel excluded. We thought having children would improve things, but it only introduced new issues.

What kind of issues?

My mum wanted to be very involved with the children and would sometimes take them for days at a time without considering Kemi’s feelings. Kemi felt disrespected and complained about boundaries being crossed.

I didn’t want to pick sides, so I stayed out of it, which made things worse. Eventually, Kemi stopped trying and became openly rude to my mum. Unfortunately, I didn’t handle the matter as seriously as I should have.

In 2019, the problems in our marriage escalated. I took a loan to start a side business, but the person managing the business ran away with the money, leaving me in debt.

Around the same time, Kemi developed a serious stomach condition. She was constantly in pain, waking up at night screaming and rolling on the floor. We spent a lot on treatment, but nothing worked.

Then she started believing that my mum was spiritually behind everything. She said she went for prayers and was told my mum was a witch responsible for our problems.

Wow. How did you handle that accusation?

I didn’t believe it. My mum has always been a good person, and it didn’t make sense to me that she would harm her grandchildren or me.

But Kemi was convinced. She became hostile towards my mum and even told our children to avoid her and not eat her food. My mum was hurt and often reported everything to me, which led to constant arguments between Kemi and me.

How did that affect your relationship as a couple?

By 2021, we had grown apart completely. The stress affected everything, including our intimacy. She became distant and rarely showed me affection.

I felt frustrated and started stepping out of the marriage. I had one-night stands to cope. Kemi knew but didn’t care, until I got into a serious affair.

Tell me about that affair.

I became involved with Felicia*, one of my master’s students, in 2022. I was supervising her thesis, and we got close. I opened up to her about my marriage, and eventually, we started a relationship.

Our affair wasn’t just physical. She was attentive and present, and I fell in love with her. I even started thinking about marrying her.

Where was your marriage at this point?

Kemi and I were practically estranged. When she found out about Felicia, she blamed it on my mum’s attack of our marriage and insisted I cut off my family and move away with her. I couldn’t do that, especially because of my job and my responsibilities as the only son.

That led to a major fight, and in November 2022, she moved to another city. She said she believed her life was at risk if she stayed. We separated, and I kept the children. At that point, I was already fully involved with Felicia, so I didn’t push for reconciliation.

Did things work out with Felicia?

No. I was ready to commit, but she showed she wasn’t serious about a future with me. After she finished her programme, she admitted she wasn’t ready to marry someone older with children. That was when I realised she had been wasting my time and possibly using me for academic support. It hurt, but I had to end things in 2023.

I see. Have you tried dating since then?

I tried last year with a single mum my sister introduced me to, but it didn’t work. I wasn’t attracted to her, and we weren’t on the same intellectual level. More importantly, my children didn’t like her, whichmade the decision easier. I realised I was forcing the relationship just to give them a mother figure.

Right now, I’m focused on my children. But I’ve started thinking about reconciling with Kemi. My daughter is growing, and there are things she needs her mother for. Although her grandmother is around, the gap is obvious.

My mum has also reflected on how her actions may have contributed to everything, so reconciliation isn’t impossible. The challenge is whether Kemi would be open to it.

I hope it all works out. How have these experiences shaped your idea of love and relationships?

Marriage isn’t just between two people. You’re marrying into a family as well, and I underestimated that. I’ve realised my children are the ones most affected when you ignore those dynamics.

I’ve also learned not to mix emotions with money. I invested heavily in my relationship with Felicia, and it turned out to be a mistake.

Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.

I’d give it a 5/10. I don’t enjoy being single, but there’s some peace in it. At the same time, I miss companionship, and I’m starting to think more seriously about the benefits of marriage for my kids.