Prevention is better than cure. Before you resort to looking for ways to collect your money from an onigbese, here’s how to avoid billing. 

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Ghost them 

Since they want to turn you into a ghost by taking all you have, might as well do what ghosts do? Blocking might be too harsh, but ghosting makes them come to their conclusions. 

Remind them that we’re all Nigerians

Their problem can’t be more than your problem because the problem of Nigeria is everyone’s problem. A dollar is more ₦1k, and you can’t say how much one pound is without shaking your ancestors. Whatever is doing the person that wants to bill you is doing you too. 

One-up them 

Take it one step further and one-up them. If they tell you their neighbour is in the hospital, tell them you and your neighbour were set on fire. Who’s going to check? Can misfortune not happen to anybody? 

Bill them first 

Bill them before they bill you. That way they don’t even consider you as someone who can be billed. 

Stop wearing fine cloth 

Only rich people can afford to buy new clothes regularly. If you think torn clothes will save you, you have to be careful because it may resemble some kind of designer, so better dust your abortion belt and Ama Kip Kip shirt for the sake of your account balance.

Disable your Instagram 

People might take the fake life you live on Instagram seriously and start plotting how to bill you. Beat them to their game by disabling the account. If they think they’re smart, they better know you’re smarter. 

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Tell them your mummy is holding the money

Sorry to all parties involved, but your mummy is helping you hold your money. If they want to collect it, they should meet your mum. 

Hide inside a tree 

It’s who you see you can bill, so if you’re inside a tree, how will they bill you? You can turn yourself into a tree, but that seems a bit extreme. It’s billings you’re dodging, not the life you have on Earth. Except it’s a money tree you’re transforming into.

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