Quizzes

Stacks

Shows

Podcasts

Newsletters

Naira Life

Love Life

Hustleprint

Love Currency

Sunken Ships

What She Said

My Bro

So You Don’t Have To

Interview With…

Zikoko Memes

Jollof Road

Cholera Outbreak Update

Follow our socials

  • Being in a “friends with benefits” position is like being entangled with the slightly less chaotic younger sibling of a situationship; less than a committed relationship, but not more than a friendship. There are many factors to consider before engaging in this. The first is finding out if it’s a situation you can properly function in. The rest are way too many to state here so we’ve simplified it for you.

    If you can relate with at least three of the following, then chances are you can’t successfully navigate the tricky water of a FWB.

    1. You don’t have friends

    It’s called “friends” with benefits for a reason. As your antisocial behaviour has stunted your ability to make friends/maintain friendships,, which friendship will you introduce sexual benefits into it? Exactly. Just continue scrolling on Tiktok.

    2. You are already planning matching Pyjamas for Valentine’s Day

    If you’re the kind of person who already starts mentally planning your life with someone (wedding, children, divorce, Shakespeare-style joint death etc) the second they so much as smile at you, you’re not cut out for this FWB life. Hang it up.

    3. Your jealousy knows no bounds

    Jealousy is usually an anxious response to something you need to address. For example, if the thought of your FWB having genital meet & greets with other people makes you feel the rage of a thousand Hulks, you’re most likely in love with them, which means you have no business being in a FWB situation with them in the first place.

    4. You are big on PDA

    Your friends with benefits partner will not whisper sweet nothings into your ear, hold your hand lovingly, or remove imaginary leaves from your hair. Know this, and know peace.

    5. You catch feelings like kilode

    Literally everyone you’ve talked to being able to testify that you caught feelings for them faster than The Flash is a huge sign that the “no strings attached” principle of FWB will be an issue for you.

    6. You are demisexual

    If you’re someone who craves a strong emotional connection with someone before you can bump genitals with them,run away from anyone who propositions you with a FWB arrangement. It won’t end well for you.

    7. You aren’t assertive

    Saying yes to a FWB relationship only because it’s what your potential partner wants is a bad idea because you’ll be miserable all the time. This is why you should strongly assert yourself if a situation doesn’t serve you. Failure to do so will end with you eating breakfast in the future.

  • Crushes are usually described as warm tingling feelings in the stomach, but what about the dark side to having a crush? The anxiety, fear, and self-doubt? For this article, 8 Nigerians describe the motions they go through when they having a crush and why they hate having crushes so much.

    Titi, 20

    Whenever I have a crush, I turn into a fool. I like to think that on a regular day I am calm and collected, but having a crush throws all of that out the window. I also start imagining a life with them in the most fanfiction way possible. Crushes don’t usually work out for me, so I don’t pursue them. I’m always scared of letting myself trust because of my trust and commitment issues. The last time I had a crush was in 2020. We dated, and he turned out to be a lying, cheating bastard.

    Halima, 22

    I hate having crushes because I hate who I become because of them. I become awkward, shy, not confident. There’s also the part where I start making up cute scenarios that’ll never happen. Crushes turn me into a mumu that starts thinking of spending money she doesn’t have on people. I even start thinking of sleeping with them and I don’t even like sex. There was a time I slept with a man because I had a crush on him and partly because I wanted to. That is completely out of character for me because I don’t have sex with men.

    I’ve gotten to a point where I don’t pursue my crushes. There’s the fact that I feel most of them won’t feel the same way or I’ll be disappointed by who they are when I get close to them. Also, I’m broke. I can’t be spending money I don’t have because of a crush.

    Amarachi, 21

    I absolutely hate having crushes. I am a woman who likes women, but unfortunately, I am constantly in straight circles. So, most of the women I have crushes on are straight or women I convince myself are straight. When I develop a crush, I invent a version of myself in my head that I think will appeal to them and build a whole fantasy in my head. I never actually have the guts to approach these women in person. That’s why whenever I feel like I have developed a crush on someone, I block them immediately.

    Meet Aunty Z!, best in relationship advice

    Anu, 20

    I hate having crushes because of how consuming these crushes can get for me. I’m constantly thinking of them and ways to just make them happy. Whenever we meet in person, I get flustered, stammer, get the jitters, and can’t look them in the eye. Whenever we hang out, I try to keep them laughing so they spend the entire time with their eyes closed. That way, they don’t see how much of a mistake they’re making.

    I don’t feel I am good enough, so it leads to a lot of overthinking and overcompensation. I want to be useful to them in some way, and that includes investing time I do not have enough of and money I can use to do other things. It takes a while to tell people I have crushes on them because when they eventually tell me they only see me as a friend, it’ll be a new degree of feelings to process. I prefer sticking to the scenarios I have in my head. Right now, I have a crush and I feel like I am running mad. A crush will crush you. I can’t wait for it to die down. I just want to be normal again.

    John, 24

    I hate the fact that the crushes are mostly in my head. It’s annoying that I can’t tell them because I am very shy, so I’m constantly worrying if they like me or not. There’s also the fact that I spend so much time having fantasies of them in my head, forgetting that there’s a real person outside of those fantasies.

    I currently have a crush and as usual, they don’t know I like them. It’s long-distance and we’ve never met in person, but we talk. The conversations were good, but they’ve suddenly dried up. It’s not like I don’t want to learn more about the person, but it feels like the energy isn’t reciprocated anymore.

    Tobi, 20

    Crushes suck because they take a mental toll on my mind. I have a very obsessive-compulsive brain, so when I have a crush, I am extremely fixated. I’m also more prone to breakdowns and depressive episodes when I have a crush. In fact, it’s physically sickening because there is a type of chest pain that comes with having a crush.

    My last major crush was on my current boyfriend and it was a deep and draining one. He’s a musician and I used to listen to his music obsessively on SoundCloud. His first major hit needed 200 plays to get to 1000 and I decided to stream the song all through the night. I didn’t know Soundcloud let people know when you streamed their music, so when he texted me to thank me, I almost entered the ground. I was mortified. One thing I realised is that crushes are way more unstable than relationships.

    Meet Aunty Z!, best in relationship advice

    Richard, 22

    Crushes are just so annoying and inconvenient. I become a teenager and I want to spend all the money I don’t have on you. It makes no sense. I don’t like having crushes because that means more time in my day that I’ll waste thinking. Especially when I know that I won’t even talk to them or make a move. If by some miracle, I do start talking to them, I lose interest. I really suck at continous conversation and there are very few people that understand that.

    Also, all that getting to know you stage is a bit pretentious for me because if I have a crush on you, I definitely already know everything you like. Everything else will just be a bonus and no matter what you say, it wont matter because I like you.

    Adaeze, 20

    I hate not having control, not being able to compartmentalize my feelings, and how much they dictate my mood. My happiness can become contingent on how much attention they pay me and I measure the quality of my day based on our interactions. There are also the insecurities they can bring out of me. Constantly overanalysing whether my actions are good enough or not. There’s a lot of uncertainty with liking someone because with a crush, you never really know if it’s going to end in a relationship, situationship or friendship. With crushes, I feel like a crazy person.

  • Will somebody find you in 2022 or will you remain a single pringle?

  • Navigating life and relationships can get quite hard and we sometimes need someone to talk to. Meet Aunty Z! She gets it, she’s all ears and she just wants to help. For issues in all your relationships; friendships, situationships, and the other ships, you’ve come to the right place. Aunty Z! will see you now

    In this episode, Aunty Z! talks to a lady that plans on cheating and another one who doesn’t like the fact that her boyfriend is a swindler.

    Dear Aunty Z! 

    I just started having sex. It is penetrative sex with one guy but I don’t particularly like it. I do it just because it makes the guy I’m sleeping with feel happy. I’m not sure if I like him or just like the fact that he likes me. 

    There’s this other guy I like and have been considering sleeping with, but I don’t want to get attached. I feel like I should explore more before settling into a relationship with my current fuck buddy. He isn’t open to an open relationship situation (pun intended). What should I do? Should I proceed to explore my sexuality behind his back? 

    – Kaycee, 21, female

    Click here to send your relationship problems to Aunty Z!

    Dear Kaycee,

    Regardless of the reason, dishonesty isn’t the best option. I encourage people to explore themselves sexually in a safe and healthy way. Safe meaning in a way that’ll minimize any of your contact with STDs or STIs. Healthy means in a way that doesn’t damage anyone’s mental health. 

    Your fuck buddy has made it clear that you can’t with other people. So, leave it. I mean, the sex isn’t great and you’re not even sure you like him? What’s the point then? Find a partner that also would like to open up the sexual relationship. You get to explore and you might find someone you actually like. 

    Go into the world and don’t forget to stay safe! Condoms and regular STD and STI testing is important. 

    Take care of yourself.

    -Aunty Z! 

    Hi Aunty Z!, 

    My boyfriend is a swindler. I love him but I don’t like what he does. I broke up with him because of that, and with an unspoken agreement, we are back together again. What should I do? I’m also a virgin and I don’t want to have sex before marriage. He wants it though. I mean, he’s been a celibate cause of me. What do I do too?

    –Purple, 23, female

    Click here to send your relationship problems to Aunty Z!

    Dear Purple, 

    I love the name you chose. Purple is a very pretty colour. Now, I think this is a very clear case of being with someone who doesn’t want the same things as you. In your case, it’s prevalent in two parts. 

    I believe that if there’s a part of your partner you dislike enough, it’ll lead to a break up. If you come back together and that thing is still present, it’ll lead to another break up. as long as your boyfriend is still a swindler and you don’t like people that swindle, then you’d never really be happy. 

    Also, in the situation of virginity, one of both parties has to come to a major compromise. Either he continues being celibate, or you start having sex and you don’t sound like someone that wants to start having sex without being married first. 

    I think both of you should call it quits and actually stay broken up this time. You clearly both want different things out of the relationship. I advise is that you find someone with similar values as you. 

    -Love, Aunty Z!

    Aunty Z! will be published every Sunday at 2 pm but you can write to her here and she may just give you the advice that changes your entire life!  

    [donation]

  • Growing up as men, the world has continued to hammer on things we should or shouldn’t do as we try to “protect” our masculinity. As the world continues to change around us, we are beginning to understand what’s toxic and what isn’t. Despite these changes, some men still struggle to shake off societal standards and beliefs on masculinity. These six Nigerian men spoke to Zikoko about the times they didn’t feel like men. 

    Donatus, 41

    I hit a rough patch financially when my daughter was just starting primary school. Before this happened, we’d had a deal where my wife took care of little things in the house, while I paid the main bills like rent and school fees. But things got  so bad my daughter was refused entry into school.   So, my wife had to gather the money herself and pay. My wife has probably forgotten about it now, but the fact that I’d failed at my responsibility to my family broke me. There are a lot of things I’ve connected and disconnected from manhood over the years. However, the one thing that still makes me feel less of a man is not being able to provide. 

    Ishaya, 30 

    I was super religious in university and remained  a virgin up until my third year, even though I  drank alcohol. After our final paper, my friends and I went out for drinks. We all picked up girls from the club and took them home. I lost my virginity that night. I regret having to pay for the sex   I felt (and still feel like) shit every time I think about it. I haven’t paid for sex since then and I’ll never do it again. I don’t believe in having to pay for sex, as it makes me feel like I’ve failed as a man. 

    Aliyu, 33

    The day I felt less like a man was the day I realised that my ex had been cheating on me with some other guy in our social circle. The cheating part hurt because I loved her, but the part where everybody knew and I was just the mumu playing love? That part messed with my head. I couldn’t go out for months and I cut everyone off. People still think it was the pain from the break-up, but for me, it was the embarrassment that stuck. I had become a joke in Lagos. Anyway, that’s why I keep serving breakfast left, right and centre. It will reach all of us. 

    Jeremiah, 29

    Do you know how after break-ups we all assume women gather with their friends, hold hands and recite words of affirmation? Well, this was me when I went through a bad break-up in 2016. I was crying every day like somebody died and I couldn’t call my friends to join me because they would’ve slapped some sense into me. I didn’t even think it was a big deal until I came online and saw that this babe had gone to Dubai with another man while I was in Surulere weeping. It was serious first-hand embarrassment for me. People say she might’ve been sad too, but it’s my own I know. Men can cry, but crying over someone that doesn’t want you is just pathetic please. Never again. 

    Uzoma, 24

    So I was hooking up with this girl one time and she tried to peg me. We were having missionary sex as the Lord intended, and this babe just started sliding her finger towards my butt. The next thing I knew, it was in and I liked the feeling. She continued for a bit and then asked if she could use her strap. Now, hollup! The West African in me took back control and I was like “Hell, no!” I said it in a jocular manner sha, even though I was firm, so I wouldn’t ruin the vibe. The crazy thing is that I liked it, but the toxic part of me was like, “We don’t do that ere! ” God abeg! 

    Tonye, 30 

    If you can believe it, I’m a 30-year-old closeted bisexual who still believes sleeping with other men makes him less of a man. While I had always liked women, I hooked up with this guy once after our office’s Christmas party. He was someone’s plus one that night, but went home with me. It was great and everything, but I woke up the next morning feeling like shit — it’s not like I’m religious or anything. I think it goes back to my uncle always telling me not to behave like a girl when I was a child, which is something I struggled with growing up. I rarely hook up with guys because that feeling keeps coming up. I’m seeing a queer-friendly therapist now and hopefully, I get over it and enjoy my life. 

  • Are you a Pro at shooting shots or you’re still learning work?

    Take this quiz and we’ll grade your skills.

    QUIZ: How Many Shots Have You Shot This Year?

  • Every year, people that manage to superglue their relationship in time for Christmas always make sure to take pictures in matching pyjamas so they can caption it, “Me and mines.” Because we are tired of them rubbing this cliché in our faces, we’ve suggested  9 perfect outfits for them to wear instead. 

    1. Adieu Papa shirts

    Nothing screams love and romance like death. This outfit is free- it’ll last longer and you don’t even have to remove it after your photoshoot. Give us single people something to look forward to. Be different. 

    2. Lace

    It’ll be better if it’s one of those old lace styles that had many holes. And if you want to spice it up, you can swap outfits. Pyjamas are an imported trend after all, and if Yoruba movies are anything to go by, you can wear iro and buba to bed too. 

    3. Adire T-shirts

    You can even make it yourselves and have a mini photo shoot while the dye dries up. Who knows, you might find a new hobby that isn’t oppressing single people. 

    4. Santa Claus and Mrs Claus costume

    What could be more festive than this outfit? You can even reuse the pictures during Valentine’s day, and single people will still be pressed. 

    5. Suits

    If you are into that sort of thing, you can create a backstory where you are coworkers to add spice to that photoshoot no one asked for. Give us drama, give us a plot. It’s the least you can do. 

    6.  Wrapper 

    Who doesn’t love a good village setting photoshoot? Take us back to our roots: village palm wine tapper in a wrapper and his babe in a wrapper, holding a calabash.  

    7. BAGCO super sack

    With a little bit of imagination, anything can be turned into an outfit. Why be boring when you can be camp? You don’t even have to sew it or anything. Just make holes for your heads. You’re welcome. 

    8. Leaves

    Give us the Garden of Eden couture. Give us what white people thought we wore before colonisation.

    9. Ghana Must Go bags 

    We know that you are here for the oppression Olympics but if it was a fashion competition, you would win with this outfit. We would even vote for you to win.

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

  • Girls and gays — get in here, let’s tell you what your taste in men is like.

  • Ever wondered how the partners of really attractive people feel? We asked people how they felt being in relationships with people more attractive than them, and here’s what these seven Nigerians had to say.

    Zainab, 20

    I met my current girlfriend a while ago. When we met, I didn’t even think it was possible for us to date because she seemed way out of my league. When she took interest in me, I actually thought it was a joke. It’s not like I’m completely ugly, I hold my own. It’s just that she’s hot, and everyone knows it. She’s a lesbian but she pulls more men than I do, and I’m meant to be the bisexual one.

    Whenever we go out, there’s always someone asking for her number or hugging her too long. I don’t usually consider myself a jealous person, but it messes with my head sometimes. She’s also extremely popular and friendly, so the stream of people surrounding her never reduce. I’ve told her about it and she assures me that she loves me, but I still can’t shake the feeling that she’d leave me for someone hotter. Maybe it’s my low self-esteem and constant projection, and I keep working on it. However, it’s not always bad. Somedays, it makes me feel good knowing I’m dating the hottest woman in the room.

    Jane, 18

    My ex was finer than me, and there were a lot of girls constantly following him. Instead of being jealous, it made me very proud. Everyone wanted him, and I was the only one he wanted. Plus, he never gave any of the girls any attention so I was really sure he was into me. It made me a lot more confident in myself. If a man as handsome as that could like me, then I must be a stunner.

    Apart from that and having girls follow him around, dating someone hotter than me wasn’t so special. Also, our pictures always turned out amazing because I was fine and so was he. Unfortunately, the relationship ended. I went to another state and it led to us having some senseless arguments and I eventually fell out of love with him.

    Adaeze, 28

    My ex is way more attractive than I am. I felt so proud of myself for pulling her. Honestly, I also had some insecurities about it. Why was she with me? Did she think she was settling? However, she never made me feel less than. She may not have been very vocal about my looks but it’s because she’s just not that vocal about her thoughts and feelings.

    Meet Aunty Z!, best in relationship advice

    Fatima, 27

    While in NYSC, my boyfriend who was also a corper is a tall fine man I met at our place of primary assignment. Then there’s me, this fat short babe. When he asked me out, I actually wasn’t shocked or taken aback. I didn’t even think of the fact that he was more attractive than me, it wasn’t glaring. In fact, the first time I took note of the fact that he was more attractive than me was when we were having issues. Some other corper babe told me “You sef, you know a guy like that can’t really be with you.” I was stunned. Especially because the cause of our problem was the fact that he cheated on me with some drop-dead gorgeous babe. It messed with my esteem for a little while and made me think that people see me as a pity date. I think that with relationships like that, it’s mostly unsolicited opinions from third parties that stir up nonsense feelings of unworthiness.

    Ahmed, 23

    The first lady I got intimate with was very attractive. I must admit she was what we would colloquially say out of my league. It was very esteem boosting when we took walks and I noticed people make a double-take as we passed by. The fun part was she was my sort of freaky. She would wear clothes that made you look and with her pronounced features, she got a lot of stares. It was great while it lasted, but her boyfriend started hassling her because he suspected I was breaking her back. I do admit that back shots whilst she was on a call with him wasn’t my smartest move, but we move.

    Funke, 26

    Most of my partners were always more conventionally attractive than me. I felt very insecure about it, and it was something we would always talk about. Then there was the fact that people were always wanting to shoot their shot and were constantly gushing about them. It used to make me feel a little lonely, and I wanted that attention for myself. I felt like if I had that kind of attention, I wouldn’t feel jealous abut the kind they were getting. I thought that if I was getting compliments like that, it would keep me busy and I wouldn’t care about the ones they got.

    Meet Aunty Z!, best in relationship advice

    Jumoke, 25

    There is this thing where you tend to think someone is better and more attractive than you because they are lighter or white. My partner is a white man and as a black woman, I guess a small part of me is still dealing with that inferiority complex that comes from my skin colour.

    [donation]

  • Is your relationship long overdue for a break up? Take this quiz and we’ll explain why: