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  • Have you ever watched a romantic film with the relationship of your dreams and it suddenly clicked that you deserve more, or that your expectations aren’t too high? I picked seven Nigerian movies that will make you raise your standards for love.

    Isoken

     Isoken remained single at 34 in a Nigerian household, and when she finally falls in love, it is with a white man. Anyone willing to overcome their family and parents’ conventional beliefs to be with you is definitely a green flag.

    RELATED: Love Life: Our Parents Are Worried We’ll Divorce

    Namaste Wahala

    Do you realise how brave you must be to recognise that your Igbo and Indian parents act irrationally when it comes to marriage, and then try to go against them? You may have a death wish, but there is nothing more romantic than defying your parents’ desires for the sake of love. 

    The Royal Hibiscus Hotel

    If a man doesn’t come to buy my family’s legacy hotel, fall in love with me in a week, plan the most elaborate date and then buy said hotel just to give it back, I don’t want. Watching this movie will remind you that Nigerian men can be romantic, and maybe it’s time to dump that guy in your dms who texts you once in three days.

    Flower Girl

    Nothing is cuter than a woman trying to reinvent herself for a dumb man with the help of a friend and then falling in love with herself. But that isn’t why we’re here. Do you realise how hopelessly in love you must be to have a daughter like the protagonist Dami? Her parents stole the show with how adorable their relationship was. They were both nosy about their daughter’s love life. They bullied each other like friends and made me feel like you could hack this love thing if you just marry your best friend. 

    The Wedding Party

    Never mind Dunni and Dozie’s snooze fest of a love story; instead, focus on Dunni’s parents’ connection instead of. A Nigerian woman who didn’t kill her husband for making them impoverished again, a man who supports all of his wife’s rights and wrongs, and parents who were willing to call off the wedding at any time for their child? Come on. I don’t care for the part where they started from the bottom and are now at the top, but look at Dunni’s and Dozie’s parents and tell me why these guys shouldn’t be the standard.

    Blood Sisters

    I know that this movie isn’t about romance but hear me out: Yinka and Femi. That’s it. Were they extraordinarily foolish and good at making bad decisions? Yes, but at least they made it together as a couple. And how often do we see couples in films who are that devoted to one another? If they don’t raise your standards, they’ll at least increase your expectations for how much sex a married couple should have.

    Telling my kid’s that this is Romeo and Juliet.

    Knocking on Heaven’s Door

    How many men would be willing to fight spiritual and physical battles to get you? Not a lot tbh and I don’t blame them.  It was one thing for Majid Michel’s character to fight his addiction and get clean so that Adesuwa might give him a chance, but when he was ready to fight the church for her sake? Yessss! Have you ever had to fight people in a Nigerian church? is that not true love?

    RELATED: 11 Quizzes That Will Help You Figure Out Your Love Life

  • Romantic relationships are great, and romance is sweet. But let’s not lie, there are some things that we don’t like about dating; let’speak the truth and shame the devil. Anyway, if you won’t say it, I will, and I know you’ll agree with me. These are nine things that happen in relationships that we don’t like. 

    Relationship weight 

    If you haven’t gained relationship weight, then you’re a lucky bastard (or an unlucky one, if it’s the type of thing you like). Relationship weight is what you gain just from dating someone and being happy. It doesn’t only happen because your partner consistently buys you food and feeds you like you’d been starving before you met them. It just happens when you find a partner that brings you peace. 

    Relationship weight is the hardest type of weight to lose. I’ve added 4kg since I entered my relationship. The Lord is my strength. 

    Relationship money 

    As a single person living in Nigeria, money leaves your account with each breath you take. You’ll now go and join yourself with another adult? God abeg. I was looking at my bank statement last week because I needed to know how my money finished. And I saw that most of my debits came from relationship-related expenses. I couldn’t even cry because na me wan love. 

    Having to consider your partner when making important decisions 

    This one takes a bit of adjustment. As a single person, you can make certain bold decisions on your own. But when you start doing relationship, you’ll have to consider your partner because most of your decisions will affect them too. 

    ALSO READ:  8 Things No-one Really Tells You About Love and Relationships

    Fights

    Fighting with your partner can ruin your whole mood throughout the duration of the fight. It’s so annoying how it can distabilise you and affect areas of your life. You’ll check your phone ten million billion times a day just to see if there’s a message from them. If the fight is really bad, you won’t even know when you begin to transfer aggression to people around you. 

    Having to be humble and apologise 

    For some people, apologising is a piece of cake. For others, it’s a big struggle. Having to humble yourself, admit you’re wrong and apologise to your partner will bruise your pride, even if you don’t want to admit it. I had to say sorry to my ex once after a fight, where I was in the wrong, and I promise you, I almost wanted to vomit. Love will humble you. SMH.

    Consistently worrying about someone

    Nobody warns you about how much you’ll worry about a partner you really care about. From the moment they step out of the house until they get back in, you’re thinking about their safety, praying that nothing happens to them. The sentence, “Text me when you get to…,” is not for fancy. 

    You’ll also be also worried about their eating habits, their living conditions, their work stress, family stress etc. Exhausting.

    Stealing clothes 

    Your partner taking your clothes is all sweet and cute till they take your favourite shirt that you’ve had for years and you only wear on special occasions. Now you’re upset. It’s as if once you enter a relationship, your clothes are no longer yours and you have no say in how many are taken. Who made that rule, please? 

    RELATED: Why Women Need to Stop Stealing Their Men’s Clothes

    Missing your partner 

    Honestly, missing your partner can be emotionally exhausting. You’ll just be on your own, and suddenly you’re yearning for the person that has your mumu button. I hate that feeling in your chest you get when you haven’t seen or spoken to your significant other.

    Forgiving your partner

    Sometimes your partner will do something foolish that’ll piss you off, and all you want to do is block them and never talk to them again. But you can’t do that, because love, and you sef won’t survive it.

    ALSO READ: 8 Signs You Are Now in a Serious Nigerian Relationship

  • Couch potatoes like me have an interesting relationship with our houses, beds and couches, and it’s not because the outside world is too uncomfortable; no, we just prefer those places. 

    The problem with being a couch potato is that there’s no spice. We don’t go out enough and if we’re single, we can’t claim to be in the “streets”. But unwilling as we are to go outside, we do want to be touched and loved by someone who can talk back to us and hold us at night,

    So how can break up with our couches and find love? 

    Here are a few proven ways to do it, tested and trusted.

    Wake up every morning and shout, “My partner!” three times into your bathroom mirror 

    This works, I can’t lie. One day, your partner will appear to you in the mirror and find a place in your life. Also, standing in the mirror will make you love yourself more than you already did before, and it’s going to make your partner love you with ease. 

    RELATED: 7 Reasons Why You’ll Continue Saying “God When”

    Put up a banner that says “I need a life partner” on your gate

    For better exposure, place copies around your estate and your car too. You need the ad to reach the desired party. Putting it on your car won’t help sha because you hardly ever drive it out. But you can beg your outdoorsy neighbours and friends to put it on their cars on your behalf. 

    Get on dating apps

    The problem with dating apps is the number of how-are-yous you’ll answer in one day. To save time, I’ll advise you prepare a spreadsheet including all your information so you can send it out to each match Let them read through and decide whether or not they’re moving on with you. 

    RELATED: 10 Types of Guys You’ll Find on Dating Apps

    Use your social media more

    Yeah, I know, you want to be on Twitter sharing your random thoughts and only use your Instagram once in a blue moon — and that’s fine. But you need to optimize your accounts to find love. 

    Tell your friends to tell their friends about you

    I’m sure there’s someone in your friend’s friendship circle that matches your taste, and they’ve not told them about you yet. O wrong nau. You aren’t outside doesn’t mean you’re not on the streets too. Or do your friends want you to be single for the rest of your life?

    Take pottery classes 

    When push comes to shove, you will have to mould your partner and breathe life into them. The partner you mould for yourself is definitely going to be better than the one you find on the road or any other methods you try. Moulding your ideal partner by yourself isn’t the only benefit, as you can also make as many as you like with different specs. Oh, spicy! 

    ALSO READ: 11 Quick Ways to End a Talking Stage That Isn’t Going Anywhere

    Zikoko has launched a new series where we explore those friendships, familial and romantic relationships that are no longer sailing.

  • Sometime last year, I talked with my friend about someone I’d been doing talking stage with and told her in detail what had been going on. She said, “This person seems to be breadcrumbing you”. That was the first time I heard the word; I had to find the meaning. 

    In simple terms, Breadcrumbing means giving just enough attention and affection to someone who cares about you to keep them interested. People who breadcrumb want the receivers of their breadcrumbs to stay stuck on them; they like to be in control while doing the bare minimum. 

    I’m no relationship expert. However, I’ve been a victim of breadcrumbing more times than I’m willing to admit. Now I know the signs to look for when talking to someone new and how to avoid being strung along. 

    Inconsistency

    Inconsistency is one of the most apparent signs of breadcrumbing. Breadcrumbers are usually inconsistent with their time and how much attention they give to you. They disappear and reappear with a reason why they’d been absent. The reason is always good enough to keep you interested and forgive their inconsistency. 

    Sometimes, you believe they had a good reason for their inconsistency and count down to their return. It’s not because you don’t know better; you just think they’ll be back, and their words to you are valid. But alas.

    Not following through with plans

    We all know that you make time for what you care about, and although a breadcrumber has told you in several ways that they care about you, they usually find it challenging to create time to prove it. They entertain the idea of seeing you without acting, following through or and showing up to the date location. There’s no one busier than a breadcrumber on the day you’re to spend time with them. 

    Fancy reassuring words without action

    Although it’s expected that breadcrumbing and gaslighting will be two peas in a pod, that’s not usually the case. A breadcrumber won’t attempt to alter your reality, but they’ll reassure you about their feelings and intention even when they’re lying. They tell you what you need to hear and remind you about their “feelings” for you. Their reassurances aren’t always laced with lies; sometimes, they also believe what they’re saying. The issue with the reassurance you get is it is only words and no action to back them up. 

    Poor communication

    We already stated that breadcrumbers do the bare minimum. They share little information and communicate erratically. Most of their communication with you will be in small doses. Even when sharing about themselves, they may share very few details about their life. 

    Sunken Ships: Our Friendship Ended Because of My Childishness

    Reaching out when they feel the most vulnerable

    Anyone who’s breadcrumbing you will most likely reach out when they feel lonely or vulnerable. They can call you on a lonely night when their words flow nicely, and all they say can be interpreted as interest. Their words are most believable when they feel say them with vulnerability.

    ALSO READ: How to Be a Good Friend As an Adult With a Busy Life

  • I read the article about Nigerian men and how much they want to earn before they get married. This inspired me to ask Nigerian women the same question. This is what the six women I asked had to say. 

    “I don’t want to depend on someone else for basic things.”

    — Sandra*, 24

    I have to earn at least ₦1m per month, that’s the least amount. I don’t want to start off struggling in my marriage. Life is hard, but money makes it easier. Also, I don’t want to be a burden. I don’t want to depend on someone else for basic things. No matter what men say, I think it leads to resentment. I’ve seen the older generation of women ask for money for things like gas and groceries, and I think it’s because they don’t earn enough. I just want a soft life, the bedrock of which is money, kudi, ego, you get me?

    “I don’t think it’s okay to earn less than ₦500k because you’ll eventually bring children into this world.”

    — Chiamaka*, 24

    I have to earn at least ₦500k – ₦600k after taxes and deductions. There are women who earn less than this and get married, and I sincerely wish them the best, but I don’t think it’s okay to earn less than ₦500k because you’ll eventually bring children into this world, and they are expensive. You don’t want them to suffer. Also, the cost of living is high, and the country as a whole is hard. If you’re not earning enough, don’t get married.

    “I should have ₦10m in savings, or the dollar equivalent.”

    — Yinka*, 23

    I don’t want to earn less than ₦500k. I’m not sure it’s realistic with the way Nigeria is today, but that’s what I’d like to earn before I get married, hopefully, in the next two years, and I know that on my career path as a lawyer, I won’t have achieved a senior role by that time, so that’s most likely what I’d be earning. I also want to have a side business to support my earnings. I should have ₦10m in savings, or the dollar equivalent — since it seems safer to save in foreign currency with the alarming inflation rate in the country. That amount in savings won’t be hard for me to get because I’ve been saving money since I was in secondary school. I’m sure I’ll even pass that amount by the time I’m ready to get married.

    RELATED: How Much Do Nigerian Men Need to Earn Before Getting Married?

    “I need to have enough money to take care of myself and my household too.”

    — Tamara*, 33

    I’m not suffering in my mother’s house, so I can’t go to my “marital home”  to suffer. Monthly, I have to earn at least ₦400k – ₦500k, and my savings cannot be less than ₦5 – 6m. 

    The major reason why people divorce, apart from infidelity, is financial issues. Two people coming together as one means they should combine their efforts to build a family. I need to have enough money to take care of myself and my household too. Also, anything can happen. For example, my husband could lose his job (God forbid). There has to be another source of income to fall back on. I’d also want to send a regular allowance to our parents and live a soft girl life too.

    African descent checking her wallet

    “For the married life I’ve always envisioned, an upgrade to €70,000 and above will do it.”

    — Kemi*, 25

    I currently earn over €40,000 a year. For the married life I’ve always envisioned, an upgrade to €70,000 or above will do it. I want to live the softest possible life. Nothing extravagant or ridiculous, but the best we can both afford. I want to have a luxury apartment in a good neighbourhood, and a good car. Not necessarily luxury cars like Porsche or Benz, but not cars from 2002 either. I want to be able to afford the best possible life for our future kids as well.

    “I’m a simple person. I don’t ask for much.”

    — Mariam*, 25

    I want to earn at least ₦250k – ₦300k monthly and have at least ₦1m in savings. I’m a simple person. I don’t ask for much, and I believe in growing with my partner financially. As long as my career grows and my salary increases over time, I’m good. 

    *Names have been changed for anonymity.

    ALSO READ: 6 Nigerian Women Share The Best Thing About Being Married

  • Everyone talks about monogamous relationships as if they’re the best type of relationships. But are they, really? Let’s look at the pros and cons.

    Pro: Intimacy 

    You’ll have a deep personal connection with just one person, and all your time and attention will go to them. All the love and sweet romance will be shared between you two and you two alone.

    Con: Potential frustration 

    The same way the romance will be between two of you is the same way the fights will be between you. At least in a non-monogamous relationship, if one partner annoys you, you’ll just go and cuddle with another partner to feel better. 

    Pro:  You don’t have to worry about your partner getting jealous about your other partner

    If you’re in a non-monogamous relationship, there’s a chance you may get jealous about someone else your partner is dating. Or you may have a partner who’ll get jealous of someone you’re dating. You’ll tell your partner that you’re having dinner with Tunde the tech bro and and your KPMG boyfriend will now start squeezing face. 

    Con: Boredom

    One person for the rest of your life??? Omo, you’ll get so used to them. In a non-monogamous relationship, you can have different experiences with multiple partners and experience different types of personalities, both those that are normal and those that are mad. You’ll never be bored. 

    Pro: You’ll only have to share your food with one person

    You’ll only have to share your chickwizz with one person. If this isn’t a major pro, I don’t know what is. Can you imagine having to share the food you’re already managing with multiple partners?

    Con: Your food may still finish

    Just because you’ll be sharing food with one person doesn’t mean that your food won’t finish o. Also, in a monogamous relationship, you’ll miss the chance of having multiple people cook for you or buy you food.

    RELATED: The Pros and Cons of Being in The Streets 

    Pro: You’ll save money

    Everybody knows that relationships cost money. But at least, in a monogamous relationship, you’ll only be spending money on one partner. Although we need to also mention that that one partner can finish all your money sha, so it’s dicey. 

    Con: You’ll only be receiving gifts from one person

    Just as you’ll be spending money on only one person, you’ll also receive gifts from only one person. You’ll miss the chance of receiving a PS5 as a gift from one partner and new pair of shoes from your second partner. Can’t eat your cake and have it, my dear.

    Pro: Maximum of one heartbreak at a time

    In a monogamous relationship, only one person will serve you breakfast. You’ll cry and eventually move on. But imagine if all the people you’re dating break up with you around the same time. Where do you want to start from??

    Con: Deeper Heart break

    If your sole partner serves you breakfast, you go feel am, and you’ll be single and alone again. If it were in a non-monogamous relationship and one partner broke up with you, you might have another partner to console you. 

     RELATED: These Nigerian Heartbreak Stories Will Make You Rethink Your Relationship

    Pro: Only one person will stress you

    Only one person will call you in the middle of the night to rant about how a co-worker annoyed them. Only one person will stress you out with mood swings or will get upset over missed calls or late text replies. 

    Con: Sexual enjoyment may be limited

    You may end up dating someone who you truly love but the person may not be able to match up to your libido or may not be willing to explore your sexual kinks. What do you then do? In non-monogamous relationships you have the opportunity to try out different sexual things with different partners.

    ALSO READ: 6 Nigerians Talk About Their Experience With Open Relationships 

  • Everybody complains about 30+ men, yet so many people are also dating them. Why dis? I’ve decided to take it upon myself to do the research and find out the pros and cons of dating these old young men. 

    Pro: They’re more mature 

    I know that maturity ≠ age (trust me, I learnt that the hard way). But most of the time, 30+ men are more mature and more put together. Many of them kuku don’t even have the time — or energy — to play childish dating games. They’re quite straightforward and mature when it comes to communication and handling certain situations.

    Con: They’ll belittle your struggle and achievements 

    You’ll be upset or sad about something, and your dear 30+ boyfriend will be looking at you somehow, wondering why you’re upset about something so “little”. You can’t complain about work or about the things that annoy you to him because they seem so trivial in his eyes. He’ll either tell you that when you get older, these problems won’t matter or that there are bigger problems at hand. God o!

    Pro: They have more experience 

    Because he’s been on this earth for many, many years, he’s experienced quite a few things, good and bad. That means if you’re having a problem or you need help or advice, he’ll be able to help you or connect you with people that can help you. 

    Con: They’ll use your age to insult you many times 

    “You’re too young, you won’t understand” is something you’ll hear from your 30+ man so often  you’ll want to punch him in the throat. Any small thing, he’ll be using your age to insult you. He’ll tell you that when you’re older, you’ll understand. Understand what, ehn, arugbo ojo? I don’t know why 30+ men like to feel like they’re the oldest and most experienced group of people. Only three decades that they’ve been on this earth o! 

    RELATED: The Pros and Cons of Being in The Streets 

    Pro: They have money

    They’ve been working for much longer than my GenZ happening babes, so it is more likely that they have plenty money and investments. 

    Con: They’re no fun 

    They rarely ever want to go out or do any activity that involves too much movement. Their own idea of fun is watching their favourite TV series while eating in bed. Best in back ache. God help you, you now mention going to an event at  past 8 p.m. and they’ll almost want to cry. You want to keep them out past their bedtime? They’ll fight you. 

    Pro:  They won’t break up with you

    30+ men don’t have the strength to be in the streets. Do you think they want to be asking people their favourite foods and colours in this their old age? That’s why the moment they start dating someone, it takes a lot before they break up. If you like, come with all the wickedness in the world, they’ll date you like that. 

    Con: You come from two different eras so you may not be able to relate to them

    There’s a chance that both of you won’t be able to relate to a lot of things in regards to pop culture. (except you’re both interested in these types of things). I have a 30+ friend who just discovered that Skepta and Stormzy are two different people, and I’m still ashamed on his behalf. The worst part is when your 30+ man can’t understand GenZ slangs. You’ll text him, “I don’t think that’s right imo,” and he’ll be wondering what Imo state has to do with the topic you’re discussing. 

    RELATED:  10 Things Nigerian Women Want Nigerian Men to Know 

    Pro: They’ll get along with your parents

    Simply because he’s closer to their age (I said what I said) , and they may share similar interests. 

    Con: They’re always tired 

    30+ men get tired easily. They never have energy for anything. All they want to do is rest. They can’t even stand or sit up for too long; their backs will start aching. This can also be a pro sha, because it means they also won’t have the strength for fights. If they notice any potential couple fight brewing, they’ll quickly apologise. 

    Pro: They want to marry early

    If you’re someone who’s looking to get married in the next two to three years of your life, you should date a 30+ man, especially the ones that are edging closer to 40 and feel like the next big step for them is to get married.  

    Con: They want to marry early

    Then again, if you’re someone who isn’t ready to get married anytime soon, don’t let your eyes look in the direction of a 30+ man. Because they may not understand why you aren’t ready for marriage when they are ready. 

    ALSO READ:  9 Nigerian Women Talk About Dating Men vs Dating Women

  • Nobody enjoys fighting with their friends, but conflicts are bound to happen. We asked these six Nigerians about the biggest fights they’ve had with their friends, and here’s what they had to say. 

    “She made fun of my mental health”

    A friend’s friend saw a picture of me and liked me, so he asked her to introduce us, which she did. When we started talking, he constantly emotionally and verbally abused me, and whenever I blocked him, she came back to beg me that he had changed. Because I didn’t want to lose her as a friend, I accepted him back. 

    One day, I was going through my WhatsApp stories on my second phone and I saw a post of her making fun of my mental health with her friends. She had blocked my main number and forgotten to block the second one. Seeing that made me cry.

    When I confronted her, she blocked me because she didn’t want any bad vibes. That was the end of the friendship. A few months after, she messaged me to say she wants to make peace. Apparently, her pastor told her not to hold grudges. I didn’t answer her. 

    –Cynthia 

    “I couldn’t eat for a week” 

    Last year, one foolish boy raped one of my acquaintances. My friends and I were super pissed and trauma-bonding when one of them mentioned that a guy said something like, “Why won’t they rape her when she’s wearing that kind of dress?.” I get that she was annoyed, but then she proceeded to say that they’ll rape the guy’s mother and sister too.  

    I was so triggered. I started crying and shaking. She couldn’t just say something like that.  To her, if he could say that about someone, then she could also say it about his female family. It escalated and we were yelling in the hostel. We were pointing at each other and shouting.  We didn’t talk for a week after that, and I didn’t eat at all. I can’t eat when I’m sad. 

    –Jasmine

    “She slept with my girlfriend” 

    My first relationship was long-distance. The babe and I were in different universities in different states. I had this female friend who stayed very close to my girlfriend’s house. She’d help with plan surprises and gifts as well as help me make sure my girlfriend was well taken care of. 

    Somewhere along the line, I found out that when I asked her to help me take care of my girlfriend, she took her job too seriously. She was sleeping with my girlfriend and when I confronted her about it, she said, “Would you rather it was someone outside?” I blocked both her and the girlfriend and last I heard from them, they were dating. 

    –John 

    RELATED: 6 Unmissable Signs You’re the Side Guy

    “I didn’t help her how she needed” 

    My friend had a very stressful exam week. When she   wrote one exam and it didn’t go how she wanted, she drove directly to me to share that with me. Instead of asking her what she needed from me, I immediately tried finding solutions to the problem and she did not like that at all. She put up with it for a bit before telling me to get out of her car and then she drove off. I was confused for a hot minute because this person is one of my closest friends. 

    After she cooled down, she sent me a message telling me why she was angry, but also apologised for her reaction. I apologised too for not understanding what she needed and we worked out how to approach it next time. She’s my ride or die. 

    –Vanessa 

    “He cheated on my sister”

    My younger sister is basically the only family I have left. She means the world to me and all my friends know that. She lived at my place and I acted like a stereotypical older brother, but everyone has come to make their peace with it. I had this friend who came over often. We’d play games and just chill. I noticed that whenever he came around, my sister would try to dress nicer or just find an excuse to be with us in the room. When I asked her about it, she told me it was nothing. Fast forward two months and I find out they’re dating. I was upset they didn’t mention it to me, but my sister was 20 and this guy was a cool guy. I didn’t have any reason to believe he’d do rubbish. They even moved in together after a while and my sister seemed happy. 

    A year and some months after they started dating, my sister called me one random day to tell me to come to pick her up from his place. Turns out he had been cheating on her for a while. After I dropped her off at my house, I went back to his place to give him a piece of my mind. We fought and I made sure I left him with some bruises. When I got home, I cut off all communication with him. You don’t make my family cry and think we can still be friends. 

    – Kunle 

    RELATED: 9 Nigerian Men Reveal Their Definition of Cheating in a Relationship 

    “He applied for the job I wanted and got it”

    My friend and I got into a fight when he applied for my dream job. I had been mentioning to him that it was a place I saw myself working for a long time as well as growing in my field. 

    When they announced they were hiring, I told him I was going to apply and he kept encouraging me to. We even reviewed my CV and prepared my points for the interview together. When the interview was done, he was the first person I called to tell about it. Unfortunately, the company emailed to tell me that I wasn’t being selected for the position. I was so sad. He called constantly to check up on me and even sent me lunch. 

    About two months later, a mutual friend texted me to tell me congratulations concerning my best friend’s new job. Apparently, he had been posting about working at the company I wanted and blocked me from viewing the story on Whatsapp. When I confronted him, he told me he needed the money, and didn’t plan to hurt me. I told him he lied and that if he could do that to me, he could kill me. It’s been three years since it happened, and we’ve not been able to talk since then. 

    –Amanda

    [donation]

  • Seduction 101 class is now in session. In eight unstoppable ways, we’re going to teach you how to seduce the person you can’t stop thinking about. The steps are simple and very easy to follow, so let’s go. 

    1. Chew your lips when you’re around them

    We said chew, not bite. Chew your lips as if you’re chewing ponmo. This is to hint the person that you’re going to chew their lips the same way. All that’ll be on their mind when they leave you is how they look forward to being chewed romantically. 

    2. Moonwalk like Michael Jackson

    The moonwalk should be your regular walk. Do you know how that moonwalk always turned heads? That’s how it’s going to turn the head of your crush and immediately seduce them. The glide in your steps will guide you to their heart.

    Moonwalk GIFs | Tenor

    3. Walk with your hands to the back

    Always walk like you’re adjusting your oversize blazer/coat. If you can’t do the moonwalk, this move is much easier to execute. Your hand to your back means you’ll always have their back. Any wise person will know that that’s the best kind of assurance. 

    4. Blink like there’s something in your eyes

    The regular wink is old, boring and overused. Blink like there’s something in your eyes so they can walk over to help you take it out. Then make eye contact and make sure they see the future in your eyes. The future in which both of you live together happily ever after. 

    5. Put your hands in your mouth when talking to them

    All five fingers. If you want to take it up a notch, put all ten fingers into your mouth. Let them know what that mouth does. You’re either going to be remembered as a successful throat goat or a tongue champion. You’ll sha be remembered. An act like that is impossible to forget. 

    6. Run away when you see them

    Let them chase you till they run into your heart. Run really fast like your enemies are after you. Even if they’d never thought about you before then, they’ll remember you for running like Usain Bolt and they’ll yearn to know you better until they finally fall in love with you. 

    7. Make a playlist for their partner

    You know how partners share things between themselves? Yep, make a playlist for your love interest’s partner. They’re going to listen to the playlist with them and know how thoughtful you are, how great your taste in music is and come looking for you. If you’re lucky sef, both partners will open their relationship for you. 

    8,676 Couple Listening To Music Stock Photos, Pictures & Royalty-Free Images - iStock

    8. Sprinkle holy water on them

    This is the American equivalent of spilling a drink on someone. Sha make sure you’re with holy water, not normal water. The holy water is going to do all the work for you. Just ensure you spill it on their chest, very close to where their heart is located, and they’ll fall for you. 

  • Yes, we know we’ve said it before that Nigerian men are the sweetest and we’ve even told you why you have to date them. But in this article, we’re going to tell you how to break free from the demonic hold of Nigerian men. 

    1. Break an egg

    That egg represents your relationship with him. Break the egg and blend the shells so they’ll be nothing left of the egg and the relationship.

    2. Become a demon

    If you can’t beat them, join them. Both of you are going to fight till the finish for who can be more demonic. Make sure you win the fight sha because we can’t tell you what’s going to happen if you don’t win. 

    3. Jump whenever you’re around him

    They can’t hold you down if you’re always jumping. It’s a good workout for both of you even if they try to catch you and hold you. By the time you’re done jumping around him, you’d have enough experience to join the Nigerian long jump team at the next Olympics.

    4. Meet a Nigerian woman

    There’s a chance you might be going from frying pan to fire, but you’ll sha be free from the demonic hold of that man that has been stressing your life. The demonic hold of a Nigerian woman is a different ball game. Good luck in advance. 

    5. Ask an Igbo woman for help

    This is a better option for you if women aren’t your cup of tea. An Igbo woman is going to have better solutions for you than anything we can provide for you. You’ll be back to your senses after having a conversation with her. 

    After God, fear Igbo women

    6. Break whatever connects him to you

    It could be your house, the road to your house or your phone. Break anything that connects both of you. Make sure he has no way to reach or find you. If you can find his heart too, make sure you break it. 

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