• Every two market days, you read or watch videos of people complaining about the terrible dating scene. Everyone is disappointed they’re not being treated right. Yes, it’s annoying to put yourself out there repeatedly without getting the love you’re looking for. If everyone’s complaining, then who’re the people giving the streets a bad rep? Maybe we should start taking responsibility for the part we play in polluting the streets? 

    Game, set, match

    A relationship is not a game. There’s no winner or set prize for whoever comes out of it unscathed. So, why do you treat it as one? Why do you calculate how many hours before you text or what to post on your story? Why are you so obsessed with playing people before you get played? 

    This game you’ve decided to play involves real people with real feelings and emotions. You’re choosing not to do too much, so the other party doesn’t think you‘re down bad, but why are you so afraid of someone knowing you care? If you think they will manipulate whatever emotions you feel for them, isn’t that a sign that you shouldn’t even be dealing with them in the first place? Just stay on your own and navigate life. Why stress another person’s child? 

    Do you know the past affects the present

    You’re trying to justify playing the “game” by stating how hurt you’ve been in the past. People have broken your heart, taken advantage of your kindness, made you feel less than you are, and that’s terrible. But until you’ve fully processed what happened to you and healed from it, it will affect every single relationship you try to enter. You will project actions and thoughts onto someone who has not even had the chance to declare their true intentions. It’s giving self-sabotage. 

    The carry-on luggage 

    This is someone you don’t like or even see a relationship with them happening, but you like the attention they give you. You like that you’re important to someone, but they’re not that important to you; so, you carry them along because it makes you feel special. Drop it. 

    You’re doing just enough to keep the person interested but not precisely what they need. It’s a cruel thing to do because nobody wants to be a second option. You don’t like when it’s done to you, so why are you doing it to someone else? Then when you eventually get tired of them — or they realise their self-worth — you’ve left someone broken, and that person will, in turn, break someone else. 

    RELATED: How to Know You’re Being Breadcrumbed 

    Communication, comprehension, and grace 

    You don’t talk about your feelings or how you wish to be cared for because you’re scared. You’re too hot-headed to listen to what your partner is saying because you’ve jumped to conclusions already. And you refuse to extend grace to the people you’re trying to get into a relationship with, just because they made one mistake. 

    Nobody’s perfect, especially not you. So why are you expecting perfection from someone trying their best with you? Sure some things shouldn’t be forgiven — any form of abuse is unacceptable, for example. But if your partner has not spoken to you all day, there could be a million reasons why. Try to find out,  and if you don’t think the answer is good enough, then you can address it and work from there. Don’t just jump into assumptions.

    You’re not the only prize 

    A lot of people enter into relationships thinking they’re the prize. Yes, you are, and you should never think you’re not. However, in relationships, there’s more than one prize. In as much as you want to be wined and dined, you have to put in the work as well. When did you last buy  a gift for the person you’re doing talking stage with? When last did you send them a cute note on how much they mean to you? Are you putting as much effort as you demand?. 

    You’re too scared to jump 

    Falling in love is like jumping from a high place and hoping the person you’ve fallen in love with catches you. The place isn’t high enough to kill you, but may leave you bruised or broken. But you don’t want to jump. You’re too scared of being hurt, but you forget it’s a 50:50 chance. What if you get caught? 

    At the end of the day, you need to stop putting yourself in situations where you aren’t ready to commit. If there’s too much doubt in your heart, stay away from people for a while and work out why you can’t seem to trust anyone. 

    Maybe if we all took time to work on ourselves, we’d treat each other with a little more kindness, and the streets wouldn’t be as bad as it currently is. 

  • Truth or Dare can be a really fun game if you don’t limit yourself to more-than-slightly annoying dares like, “I dare you to strip naked” and other horny teenager-like antics. 

    Has no one ever really considered the fact that this is the perfect game for when you want to know someone’s true intentions? You can even add a random lie detector to the mix and watch the truth flow — petition to add this to every politician’s manifesto? Anyway, I digress.

    Try out these unconventional truth or dare questions for couples to elevate date night.

    Truth — Does your mother like me?

    Before you end up dating someone for donkey years and either break up or end up with an evil mother-in-law.

    Dare — Show me the last five people you texted on WhatsApp

    Just so you know if you’re dating yourself.

    Truth — Does your head usually touch?

    Wouldn’t it be better to know now if the person you’re dating likes semo before you end up in holy matrimony?

    Dare — Make me laugh with your best joke

    This is honestly too easy because they can just say “Nigeria” and they’ll still win.

    Truth — Who are you voting for in 2023?

    My dear, open your ears and listen well to whatever they have to say. 

    Dare — Make me your Twitter profile picture

    If they say stuff like, “I’m protecting you from the world,” you’re dating yourself.


    RELATED: Things to Carry With You Before Entering the Lagos Dating Scene


    Truth — Is Japa part of your future plans?

    Again, it’s better to know now before one person gets an opportunity abroad and the other person turns into an enemy of progress.

    Dare — Text your parents that we’re getting married

    If they’re willing to try out this expensive joke, it’s possible they see a future with you.

    Truth — How many children do you have?

    Before you go and fall in love with Daddy Twins.

    Dare — Recite the eight times table

    At least if you don’t know maths, your partner should. So both of you don’t end up hiding when your children come home with quantitative reasoning.


    READ THIS NEXT: Virtual Date Ideas to Keep Up With Your Long Distance Friends

  • It’s good for you and your partner to have no secrets between each other, but it’s even better if these are the secrets you’re choosing to keep from them. Because these are secrets you should definitely tell your partner. 

    That you eat semo 

    Eating semo is a thing of shame and you should be too embarrassed to even eat it. Why then is that something that should be shared with a significant other? What if they stop loving you? Please, abeg. 

    How many slices of bread you can eat

    Bread is the best thing ever and that’s why you don’t just divulge how much of it you can consume in a single sitting. It’s a spiritual journey and should be experienced by you and you alone. Take that secret to your grave.

    RELATED: The 9 Things We Don’t Like About Being in Relationships

    That you call garri “cassava flakes”

    We are embarrassed for you, and we’re sure anybody you’re dating will be too, if they find out. Save yourself the embarrassment and carry it to your grave. 

    What episode you’re watching in a TV show

    Either they spoil it for you or they make you wait for them so they can catch up and you’d watch together. But they never catch up and you lose interest. 

    RELATED: 8 Painful Words That Can Cause Instant Heartbreak

    If you have pictures of yourself in “Ama Kip Kip” T-shirts

    They’d never look at you the same way again. Because once they set their eyes on those pictures, they’d laugh as if they were sprayed with laughing gas. 

    If you’re ticklish 

    If they have this useful information, you’ll never win a pillow fight again. The moment you start to win, they’ll tickle you like they want to end your life. Protect yourself and stay guiding. 

    RELATED: 8 Things to Do in a Room Full of Your Lovers and Your Exes

  • I love K-dramas because they usually have the most wholesome love stories, maybe it’s because Koreans really do get love. They build up tension that fills us fans with enough longing for two characters to be together even though we may not have enough romance in our lives. Here are my top eight favourite couples of all time from popular K-dramas. 

    Lee Ik Jun and Chae Song Hwa in Hospital Playlist

    I love an excellent friend-to-lovers movie, and Hospital Playlist did not disappoint this couple. They’d been in love with each other since they were in college and it took him almost dying for her to tell him she loved him back. Their relationship was slow-paced, but I can’t even complain because their chemistry was insane. 

    RELATED: These 7 Medical K-Dramas Will Wreck You Emotionally 

    Yoon Sae Bom and Jung Yi Hyun in Happiness

    The last thing I’d do in an apocalypse is fall in love, but these two made it work. Watching Yi Hyun risk his life to protect  Sae Bom  on several occasions shouldn’t be as cute as it was but it was. Of all the couples on this list, they deserve the best. 

    Yoon Hye Jin and Hong Doo Shik in Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha

    Enemies to lovers trope? Inject it, please. Whenever they did anything romantic, my cheeks burned because, God, when? They were so tender with each other and willing to make hard decisions to make each other happy. Knowing that they are not a real couple breaks my heart every day. 

    Vincenzo and Hong Cha Young in Vincenzo

    Forget that they didn’t end up together and focus on their chemistry. I’ve never seen a romantic pair as capable of so much chaos, as the both of them. They found a way to make us laugh with all their antics in a show that could easily have been too sad to watch. 

    Myul Mang and Tak Dong Kyung in Doom at Your Service 

    Imagine being the most negative and pessimistic person on earth, and the guy you like who is a god takes you back to your happiest memory just for fun. What a flex! How can we not stan? Their relationship was intense and heavy, but it was all worth rooting for them. 

    Kim Joo-won and Gil Ra-im in Secret Garden

    This show is old but gold because, in the late 2000’s, female leads were constantly chasing after men that were mean to them. Kim Joo-won was pursuing Gil Ra-im. In the series, this man flew in a director to watch her perform just cause he wanted her to get a role she missed. He even tried to give up his inheritance to be with her. Their relationship is a 20/10 for me. 

    Ri Jeong-Hyeok and Yoon Se-Ri in Crash Landing On You

    Do you know how insane you have to be as a North Korean soldier to hide and protect a South Korean who illegally enters your country? That, there, is romance. You know when your chemistry is so good, you fall in love and get married in real life? Exactly, there’s no need to talk too much. 

    Choi Ung and Kook Yeon-su in Our Beloved Summer 

    They started as lovers, became exes and then lovers again. They were both unwilling to open up to each other. Of course, they broke up. Years later,  they realised they were still in love and decided to do everything right this time. Choi Ung and Kook yeon-su made my heart ache in the sweetest way possible, and everything about their relationship felt so real, if only they weren’t acting. 

    READ ALSO: The Ultimate Nigerian K-drama Fan Starter Pack

  • With all the rain that has been falling recently, I’m genuinely shocked people are still considering long distance relationships. Tunde, in this cold? Is your body not doing you like the rest of us? 

    For those of you stubborn men who want to date across state lines, here are a few tips from a former long distance relationship expert on how to make it work. 

    Have money

    Sir, this one is very very important. You need money to surprise bae once in a while with either your presence or lunch from their favourite restaurant. You also need money for airtime and internet because your phone is about to become your second partner. Do you think all of this will work if you’re wallowing in poverty? Go back to the drawing board. 

    Invest in firewood

    “Body no be firewood”, so maybe it’s time for you to buy a lot of actual firewood to keep yourself warm in the absence of your lover. 

    Attend every night virgil and revival in your area

    Prayer is the key to everything — including a healthy long distance relationship. To protect what you love, my brother, you need to be prayerful. That speaking in tongues? Master it. That anointing oil?  Buy it in bulk. Fight for your relationship in the spirit realm to make sure it lasts in the physical. Amen?  

    Read the news every day to prepare yourself for disappointment 

    To survive a long distance relationship, you need to understand that your relationship can end at any time. You need to catch up on Nigerian news daily, to practice how to handle the disappointment that is surely coming your way. 

    Small cheating here and there is not that bad

    We are not saying cheat all the way, but a little bit of hanky panky on the low to sustain morale is not bad. By the way, who knows what your partner is doing where they’re staying? Just make sure you know how to cover your tracks. 

    You need to learn how to lie like a Nigerian politician 

    It’s just a coincidence that this point comes right after cheating. It’s not planned. But, yes, you need to adorn yourself with the cloak of lies to make sure your relationship lasts. The truth may set you free, but it can also pour sand in your relationship garri. But if Nigerian politicians can get away with barefaced lying every day, why do you feel someone will catch you? 

    RECOMMENDED: All The Reasons Long Distance Relationships Are Amazing

    Learn how to enter your partner’s dreams

    Out of sight, out of mind. So if you want to constantly be in their sight and mind, you have to be the main character in their dreams. Simple maths. 

    Be prepared to ask, “What are you wearing?” 1,000 times in a month 

    Nine times out of ten, “What are you wearing?” is the question that will save your sex life in a long distance relationship. Don’t say I didn’t do anything for you. 

    Pluck out your eyes to avoid temptation 

    How will anyone seduce you when you can’t even see them? Your partner will understand that you did it for them, and love you regardless. 

    Be prepared to answer, “Where are you?” 1,000 times in a week 

    At some point in your relationship, “Where are you?” will replace “How are you?” and you need to make peace with that. This question is even worse when you’re with someone who doesn’t trust you. If you want your relationship to work, you need to become Google Maps that can tell exact locations in seconds. Good luck!

    Buy sim cards from every network 

    If there’s one thing Nigerian network providers will do, it’s disgrace you. You need to have a lot of backup SIM cards in case your network is not glowing with pride or  following you everywhere you go. 

    Know that heartbreak can come at any time (and prepare for it) 

    Some people can spot the red flags as soon as they start to pop up —  reduced banter, avoiding calls, airing, etc, but for those that need relationship glasses, just prepare yourself for heartbreak in advance so you won’t be shocked when they say, “We need to talk.”

    Avoid long distance relationships and know peace 

    Omo, a long distance relationship in the same city is dangerous, but you want to date someone in another city or state? You clearly like pain because it’ll end in hot tears. 

    ALSO READ: 7 Romantic Ideas For People In Long-Distance Relationships

  • Since the tweet arguments about who should wake up by the ungodly hour that is 8 a.m. to do chores have refused to end, we made this quiz to save you the stress. Take this quiz to find out what chore awaits you this weekend.

    Pick all the chores you absolutely hate:

  • When it comes to owambes, Lagos takes the cake with planning things out. But how much does it cost to put together a wedding that actually bangs? In this article, five Nigerian women broke things down. 

    Adeola* , 30, wedded in Ikeja

    April 2022 was when I got married and I planned most of it with my mum. We only hired a planner to handle coordination on the wedding day. The initial budget was ₦20 million and my parents were meant to cover most of the bill because it was a cultural thing. I’m Yoruba while my husband is Igbo. Traditionally, in Yoruba land, the bride’s family is the host. But in modern-day weddings like mine, the groom’s family contributes financially too. 

    Beyond the culture factor, my husband’s family had less than 100 out of the 500 guests we targeted. I had a larger family based in Lagos and coming in from Kwara state too, so we had to cover those expenses. The 500 people were even a gamble because I was the last child getting married. With my older siblings, we ended up with over 1000 guests. It was hard to be strict with such a large attendee list. And Nigerians no dey RSVP invitations; trust me, I tried. 

    Anyway, as a caterer, I was able to cut back our ₦20m budget to ₦15m. It may not sound like a huge difference, but trust me, putting ₦5m back in the bank when you’re getting married is a huge feat. The ₦15m covered both the engagement party and wedding. 

    RELATED: A First-Timers Guide to Attending Nigerian Weddings

    Wedding planner

    The most prominent wedding planners in the game were charging us between ₦1m – ₦2.5m. The not-so-big ones went for ₦500k. But I ended up getting a friend to help out and she took ₦250k for coordinating the wedding day. 

    Dress and makeup

    My wedding dress and other outfits were the same approach. One dress from any big brand was going for ₦1m – ₦1.5m and upwards. Initially, I was willing to rent a dress at ₦200 – ₦300k, but I ended up finding an upcoming designer willing who made a custom piece for a little over that range. The engagement outfit was the same price, and I kept my accessories under ₦50k.

    My husband didn’t also stress. He used an upcoming designer as well and paid ₦60,000 for the suit. He had a shirt he wanted to wear already, but the tie, pocket square and boutonnière all cost ₦11,500 while his shoes cost about ₦20,000.

    We all know bridal makeup and gele are expensive. And for the engagement and wedding, I’d be paying ₦1m upward if I used a premium service. But my friend recommended someone who was doing a promo package at the time and paid  ₦140k for everything.

    Food

    The catering would have been our biggest cost. As a caterer myself, if I was to charge for feeding 500 guests, their bill would look like this:

    And I’d still add a 15% service and transportation charge. All for a service that isn’t premium — no fancy seafood, continental dishes, fancy dorime services or displays. But we only spent half of that amount (₦1.6m)for the engagement and wedding because we catered the event ourselves.

    Venue and decorations

    With all the basics settled, the venue was the next challenge to face. We were planning to get a place on Victoria Island, but when the best deal we found was ₦2.5 m, the reality of inflation dawned on me. And the venues that cost less on the island weren’t good at all. So we kuku went to face the mainland. 

    In Surulere, there were only two options that could house 500 guests. One was already booked for our date while the other was under renovation. Eventually, we found a decent wedding hall in Ikeja for ₦1.5m Luckily, we got a ₦200k discount An engagement venue close by cost another ₦300k. There were cheaper options for ₦100k – ₦200k but each had one issue or the other — there were either no taps, air conditioners or security. 

    The rest of the money went into items like videography, photography, catering to logistics and accommodation. But cutting costs made it possible to splurge on a few things other things, fresh flowers for my bouquet. 

    Faux flowers cost ₦5k in the market. Custom-made faux flowers cost about ₦15k – ₦20k while fresh flowers cost ₦60k – ₦100k or more — roses and tulips are the most expensive. But I paid a florist ₦40k for mine.

    Halima*, 28, wedded in Surulere

    I got married in March 2022. I had my Nikkah ( the religious ceremony for Muslims) and reception at Surulere on the same day. 

    During Yoruba weddings, the lady’s family does the planning for the wedding, but the groom and bride cook separately. I’m not sure how much my husband spent, but the budget on my side was a little over ₦2m. 

    For a start, finding an affordable venue was difficult. And planning everything while I was five months pregnant didn’t make it any easier. After checking through Island locations to fit 1000 people and ending up with quotes from ₦1.6m upwards, we settled on getting an open space in Surulere. It cost us ₦600k with the tables,  and decorations and chairs cost me another ₦800k.

    In between searching for the venue, my husband and I designed our wedding bands — were customised gold rings with our names on them for ₦220k.  We had these done at Ojuelegba.

    The night before the wedding, family members showed up at the house. So we had to plan for food. About 20 guests showed up and we had to buy a carton of turkey and fish, half a bag of semo and 10 cups of rice. I can’t remember exactly how much we paid for food, but the most expensive thing was the two cows that cost us ₦750k.

    RELATED: These Guys Tried to Kill a Cow and the Most Hilarious Thing Happened

    As for my dress and make-up, I made sure to keep it simple. The white material for my wedding dress was ₦25k while sewing it cost ₦18k. My aso oke was a bit more expensive because it was an express order. The material cost ₦35k and we spent ₦24k for sewing. 

    My accessories cost ₦60k. And my nails and makeup were ₦73k. Logistics, accommodation for our family coming outside of Lagos and my hotel room were handled by my husband.

    Amaka*, 28, wedded in Yaba

    We planned for something very small because the wedding happened during the pandemic. Beyond the limit the government put on gatherings, we always wanted something quiet.

    Our court, traditional and white wedding cost about ₦2m in total. The majority of the money went into the transportation to my village in Imo State. My husband’s people had to come down from Lagos. Hotel accommodation and transport alone cost us ₦600k. 

    Igbo people also organise something called Igba Nkwu, a traditional ceremony where the groom performs rites for the bride’s kinsmen. There was a whole list with wine, foodstuff and money requests to cover. They cost about ₦350k.

    The rest of the money went into my wedding dress, food and picking a small hall around Yaba. As a Deeper Life church member, I didn’t need to think about earrings, hair or makeup. Styling my natural hair myself worked fine.

    Ronke*, 26, wedded in Gbagada

    If you don’t have money, your wedding will stress you. Mine was relatively pricey because inflation just makes everything go up by the week these days. The exchange rate was epileptic this year [2022] so planning for 450-500 guests cost a lot. Feeding alone was more than ₦1m. Then the hall was at Gbagada and was to cost ₦1.2m – ₦1.5m on weekends. But I had my wedding on a weekday and paid ₦750k instead. There was really no way to avoid spending that much money on food and venue.

    The next thing that took quite a bit of money was travelling to Akwa-Ibom. Since my father had a house in my village, the cost was on my husband to cover his family’s bus fare and hotel. That alone cost ₦500k. 

    I also wanted to have a lot of memories from the experience, so I really went all out on my media team. I paid about ₦500k to cover the events across cities. It was expensive but worth it for me.

    My most questionable expense was the MC service. He charged ₦250k and I’m sure we could’ve gotten someone for ₦100k for the kind of forgettable experience he provided. That money could have been spent on a wedding coordinator instead, but we move.

    Another thing that takes money is designing the wedding programs for the church wedding, but I did it myself in Canva. Most people just end up leaving it in church anyway. I can’t remember how much it costs to print them, but it was way cheaper since I did it myself.

    Everything eventually came down to ₦6m for other expenses like my dresses and accessories, the live band, drinks, cake and a bunch of other things I can’t remember. Honestly, even if you have a budget, add ₦1m to everything on the list to be safe, and ask yourself what the intention of every item l on your list is. If it’s to show off, remember that everybody will go home, last last.

    Dolapo*, 24, wedded in Isheri

    I got married in April 2022. My husband’s family took most of the financial responsibility, but my husband made sure there was a spreadsheet documenting everything.

    The hall and decorations were the most expensive. We went as far as Isheri, but we still paid ₦1,660,000. The photographer my father-in-law decided to hire was also quite expensive. I didn’t understand why we needed to pay ₦750k. I tried to push back but he decided to fund it. He also hired a live band for ₦700k. I had to give up and let the man spend his money at that point.

    We had about 700 guests, so the food was around ₦2m. There was lots of amala going around, a whole ram grilled in front of the church and lots of drinks. The small chops and non-alcoholic drinks came down to ₦224,700; our wedding cake was ₦100k. 

    The food, venue and media coverage took the most money. I got my wedding gown for free and fixed the weave my sister gifted me for ₦4k.

    Planning my wedding showed me that everyone needs good friends and family for support. It’s been three months since our wedding and we’re still getting gifts from people. It’s the most thoughtful thing.

    Now that we’ve gotten the money talk out of the way, also read: 10 Things to Be Prepared for When Planning a Wedding in Nigeria

  • Are you tired of receiving bad birthday gifts from your friends and partner? Are you tired of giving fake smiles when your wishlist for the year is completely ignored? Here are ten ways to put an end to getting horrible birthday gifts.

    Shoot them

    Preferably with a water gun — except you’re willing to spend your next birthday eating prison beans. Then, by all means, fire away. Either way, everyone will get the message to buckle up next time.

    Forget their birthday

    Pettiness is the only way forward in life. But if you’re too sweet for that, sha buy them a really cheap gift when their turn comes. Anyone that gives you nonsense should collect nonsense too my dear.

    Avoid them like a plague

    Since no one knows what you like after all the years of talking to them, avoid them. Let bad energy stay away from you.

    Be passive-aggressive

    Take the silent treatment a step forward and drag them in the mud. Anything passive-aggressive to let them know they fucked up your big day is a must. 

    QUIZ: How Petty Are You?

    Re-sell the gift online

    Preferably a thrift shop they use. When they see it while they’re casually scrolling online, they’ll get the message. Make sure they’re home when you’re re-wrapping their gift for delivery.

    Re-gift them their gift

    An eye for an eye, a nose for a nose — you get the drill. Those words should be your daily affirmation this year.

    Ask them what they take you for

    Because why? Get to the root of the problem. Maybe your friends are really clueless about what you’d love as a gift. 

    RELATED: 5 Nigerians on Receiving Expensive Gifts They Couldn’t Sustain

    Save it for a future fight

    Take time to plot your revenge. After all, they say revenge is best served cold. So bring it up 10 years later in a totally unrelated conversation.

    Pray

    What if all the years of bad gifts are a result of your village people? Maybe they found you, stole your friends and have been masquerading as the people you love. Just think about it.

    I don’t know about the men, but if you want to make a Nigerian woman happy, here are Six Ways to Celebrate Her Birthday

  • You’re a complete spec, so you deserve the absolute best. If your partner is not it, you’ll know from this quiz.

  • Some of you wish the worst on your ex(es), but how exactly will they go?

    Take this quiz and we’ll tell you.