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  • So you finally found a way to get your work crush to promote you from colleague to work wife/husband, but like a typical Oliver Twist, you want more.

    TBH, I’m not judging. Anyone can catch feelings. Obviously, you have, and now, you want to leave the work-bae zone. Let me help you.

    Find them on social media

    Many people block their coworkers on social media, so you’ll have to put on your best Fashola Holmes impression. If that fails, find a way to get them to give you their WhatsApp number, then send them memes every day. They’ll fall in love with how funny you are.

    Buy them food

    Food is the way to everyone’s heart. But don’t buy them food only at work. Invite them out.

    Move in close to them

    If they’re proving stubborn, get their house address from HR and move in right next to them. Now, you won’t just be in their faces from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. anymore.

    Oh. Hi! Didn’t see you there

    Make sure they see you everywhere

    Since you now know their address, set up billboards with your face on them around the route they take to work daily. Buy them mugs with your face on them too. By the time they see you every day, the feelings will be activated.

    Make their significant other disappear

    Arrange for their partner to be kidnapped by ungun known men. Then be a shoulder to lean on when they cry to you about it at work. It’s the price to pay for love.

    Or make the partner cheat

    If you don’t want to go as far as kidnapping, find a way to make your work spouse’s partner cheat then show them the evidence. Of course, you’ll also be there to help them heal and forget the heartbreak.

    Carry their picture to the mountain

    If you’re religious, then you should know prayer works. Take their picture to a mountain, preferably in the dead of night with only a white wrapper around you. The white colour will catch the attention of the spirits, and they’ll answer you immediately.

    Resign from your workplace

    Maybe the reason they’ve not promoted you to actual spouse is simply because they don’t want to date their coworker. Resign and that problem is solved.

    Or make them lose their job

    The point is you won’t be working in the same place anymore. The end justifies the means.

    NEXT READ: The 10 Times It’s Okay to Cry at Work

  • Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    The subject of this Sunken Ships, Alex*, talks to us about having a work wife, Shalom*, and navigating the job now that she and Alex no longer work together. 

    When did you meet this person? 

    Alex: I met Shalom in October 2020. We got hired at the same time and in our second week in the office we decided to meet in person. 

    Initially, I thought she didn’t like me for some reason, but when we met that day, she was much friendlier than I thought. 

    Was that when you got closer? 

    Alex: Not really. It wasn’t until one Friday, about a week or so after we met that she called me to get to know me. We hit it off immediately. At that point, I realised that if she had asked me to do all her work for her I would have. 

    I’m a very private person, but we followed each other on all the social media platforms. We liked the same books, I liked talking to her and I thought she was funny and brilliant. It made sense to follow each other everywhere. Over time, I started to send her funny TikToks. I never shut up about her and everyone in my life was tired of hearing about this person. I won’t lie. 

    It dawned on me that I loved her in a friend way when I made her a playlist. I don’t just make anyone playlists. There have been so many great moments in her presence and I have so much love for her that if at any point we stop being friends I’ll always root for her and I know she’ll be rooting right back. 

    RELATED: Sunken Ships: He’s the Reason I Started Making Playlists for People

    That’s so cute. What was working with her like?

    Alex: Well, we worked remotely, but working with her meant feeling seen. She understood what I struggled with because she was struggling with it too.  I looked forward to going to the office on the days we had to because she’d be there and I’d feel less alone. 

    She’s also more outgoing than me, so she made sure to include me in activities I’d have normally shied away from. Hell, I want to say she made me more productive. With her there, I actually wanted to get my work done. Working with her was great and she made work more fun. 

    How did you feel when she told you she was leaving?

    Alex: Conflicted. She wasn’t always very happy there and I wanted better for her but I also knew I was going to miss her. I felt so sad for the longest time because we were a team of two and I already felt alone and hidden in my office. With her gone, it’d be worse. 

    I think at first I was distant because I worried about things changing between us, but we just went right back to talking after like it didn’t happen. 

    When she left, it meant I had to do the work of two people alone and no one saw it as a problem until I pointed it out. It increased my workload and made me tired out, but that’s about it. I still have her in my life. 

    Damn. Do you miss working with her? 

    Alex: So much. She made work feel less than a job. She had the most original ideas and encouraged mine no matter how ridiculous. She also spoke up a lot in situations where other people were silent and I always admired that. Plus, she looked so fly all the time. A fine woman 100%. 

    Do you think you’re as close as you used to be? 

    Alex: I don’t think so but it’s just because we don’t work on the same office clock. I used to spend more time in my day talking to her about work and then about our personal lives. I no longer see her as often. 

    We still talk, send tweets, have long phone calls and send Tiktoks to one another. She’s my babe for life. I’d like to deliberately make time to plan a physical hang-out because she is one of the best people in my life right now. 

    Do you want her to come back?

    Alex: No honestly, but I will love to work with her again someday.

    RELATED: Sunken Ships: Love Isn’t Always Enough

  • Jessica* (24) started her relationship with her fiancé as his side chick. She talks about falling for him before finding out he had a girlfriend, becoming close when the main chick relocated and deciding to choose her own happiness.

    This is Jessica’s story, as told to Boluwatife

    Image source: Pexels

    Before you judge me, I didn’t set out to be anyone’s side chick, but as they say, life comes at you fast.

    I met Jacob* in November 2019 at the NYSC Orientation Camp in Iyana Ipaja, Lagos. We were both part of the Batch “C” stream, and I noticed him at the Cultural Day Carnival. I can’t remember how we started talking, but I remember thinking, “I really like this guy”. He schooled in the East, and it was his first time in Lagos. Because I was born and bred here, he was fascinated by my stories.

    We exchanged phone numbers and kept in touch even after the orientation ended. The initial Place of Primary Assignment (PPA) placement struggle meant we were too busy to talk for the first few weeks after camp. The day we finally met up was the day I realised I’d already fallen for him. It was also the day I discovered he had a girlfriend.

    He’d mentioned Michelle* (his girlfriend) a few times in our messages, but I just assumed it was the sister he told me he was staying with in Lagos. Anytime he mentioned her name while we were chatting, it was usually along the lines of, “Michelle just got back from work” or “Michelle is disturbing me about doing chores in the house”. Maybe I just didn’t want to see what he wasn’t expressly saying.

    I had invited Jacob to a beach hangout my friends were having, and he came with Michelle. It was there he introduced her to me as his girlfriend. When I was already in a “casual relationship” with this guy in my head! Apparently, he’d told Michelle about me too — the friend he met at NYSC camp — and honestly, she was very friendly. I felt guilty about allowing myself to develop feelings for someone who hadn’t outrightly said anything. So, even though I believe everyone is single and fair game till they get legally hitched, I decided to give Jacob some distance. Besides, he hadn’t shown any serious interest in me.

    RELATED: 6 Clear Signs a Nigerian Man Is Madly in Love With You

    Spoiler alert, the distance didn’t work. Jacob noticed it and pestered me for a reason. How blind can men be? I finally gave in and told him I had feelings for him on New Year’s Day 2020. He was speechless, so I told him I knew he had a girlfriend and was already putting the feelings behind me.

    Michelle relocated to be with family in the US that same January, and the distance started to take a toll on their relationship. Jacob would rant to me about their increasing fights and the different time zones weren’t helping matters. One of their more serious fights was about their future and the possibility of Jacob relocating. But he is pro-Nigeria. He could visit other countries but didn’t see himself living elsewhere permanently. Michelle thought otherwise, and sometimes, I’d come in to advise them to be patient with each other.

    At the same time, Jacob and I got closer. Since he was always telling me about his Michelle issues, he spent more time at my place. I lived alone, and my flat was closer to where he worked in Ikeja, so it made sense. Then on my birthday in March, he kissed me. I was elated, of course, but I wanted to make sure he did it because he wanted to and not because Michelle wasn’t around. He told me he was developing feelings for me but needed to figure out what he wanted. 

    Then lockdown happened, and somehow, we spent the entire time together in my place. We got even more intimate and basically became an item. He was still with Michelle, but only because he wanted to break up with her in person and not over the phone. It was well and truly a side chick situation, but I refuse to be ashamed. I’d suppressed my feelings when I learnt he was with her, and even played the good friend. He came to me on his own when he realised they weren’t compatible.

    RELATED: A Side Chick’s Guide for When the Partner Finds Out

    I reduced my communication with Michelle to avoid getting involved in giving relationship advice or answering questions about Jacob’s changed attitude. She must’ve noticed my coldness but I tried my best not to give it much thought and just focus on being happy with Jacob. I knew he spoke with her and had to be as loving as possible — when they weren’t fighting — so she wouldn’t know he’d mentally checked out, but it was me he was with, so it didn’t matter. 

    The situation continued for about a year until she visited home in April 2021, and Jacob finally ended the relationship. In the end, it was a  mutual break-up. She didn’t see herself returning to Nigeria permanently, so she didn’t think they had a future together anymore. I’m not sure if she knows I’m with Jacob now — I tend to avoid bringing her up with him — but she’ll definitely know soon because we’re now engaged.

    Jacob popped the question on Christmas Day 2022, and I said yes. We’re very much in love, and I look forward to spending forever with him. In life, shit happens. You never know when shit will get thrown at you. People say, “Don’t let your partner keep you from finding the love of your life”. What about not letting your happiness slip away just because someone got there first?

    *Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

    NEXT READ: Perfectionism Is Ruining My Life

  • Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    The subjects of this Sunken Ships, Eno* (23) and Emem* (21), share how love wasn’t enough in their relationship. They talk to us about the situations surrounding their breakup, choosing to remain friends and thoughts on getting back together. 

    How did the two of you meet? 

    Eno: We met in person in January 2020, but we started texting in December 2019 when I responded to one of her tweets. 

    She’ had mentioned she was coming to get yarn somewhere around my office for something she was crocheting. I jokingly asked her to buy me food. She did, and I gave her the most horrible directions she never let me live down. 

    Emem: Emphasis on the horrible directions part. I don’t know how they do it, but they can make you get lost on a straight road. I decided to come see them because I was bored. Also, we had been texting a lot leading up to that time, so I just thought seeing them wouldn’t be bad. It became a thing where whenever I was anywhere close to that area, I’d try to see them. 

    Eno: If we were not physically seeing each other, we were on calls for hours on end.  I was enamored by her and everything she did. I wondered how one person could be so full of life. She was amazing.

    Emem: Was? Ah. 

    Eno: Shut up. 

    LMAO. When did feelings get involved? 

    Eno: I realised she liked me in February when she tried to buy me a Valentine’s Day gift. She said she got gifts for all her friends, but she didn’t talk to me like someone who was talking to their friend. 

    Emem: Truly, I do buy gifts for my close friends every year, or I at least try to. With Eno, I said that because I didn’t think they liked me too. 

    Eno: I knew I had feelings for her, but I also had feelings for someone else. I couldn’t reconcile liking two people at once, and it kept leading to arguments. 

    I know it hit me one day in June. It was after one of our arguments. We weren’t speaking to each other, but I couldn’t stop thinking about her. With every errand I ran, I wanted to share the silly things that happened to me with her. That’s when it hit me that oh, I was actually in love with this person. 

    Emem: We started dating in the first week of July. I texted them one day and was like why don’t we do this relationship thing. 

    Eno: I wanted to ask, but she beat me to it. She always beat me to everything. Her blood is too hot. 

    Emem: If I like something, I go after it. I don’t like wasting time. 

    What was the relationship like?

    Eno: We were in love, and it felt perfect-ish, like we made sense together. The good days were really good, but the bad days were really bad. She always got me; I didn’t have to struggle to explain certain things I did or why I did them. 

    We had a messy beginning, and it took a toll on the relationship. I hated to admit it, but it did. Loving her was easy though. Unfortunately, in many ways, we kept hurting each other. One thing she used to say was, “Love is not enough” and she was right because it wasn’t. 

    Emem: I’m a broken person, and the thought that a relationship could be without drama was very new to me. I felt like problems were necessary, so when we solved them, it felt wrong. 

    The beginning was messy because they were new to relationships and wanted to go at a much slower pace than me. I think that was the main problem of our relationship; we never walked at the same pace.

    I wanted to buy them all the gifts I could buy, and show them off. But they wanted to be more intimate, to spend more time together, getting to really know each other. I felt we could figure ourselves out later on in the relationship, but they thought we should do all of that in the beginning. 

    By the time they started picking up the pace, I’d slowed down. 

    Is that why you broke up?  

    Eno: I didn’t listen enough to her physical and emotional needs, so we became incompatible somehow. I didn’t make her feel loved and wanted. 

    Emem: Instead of communicating with them how I felt, I kept letting it pile up till I just burst from frustration and annoyance. I dated them for two years, and for half of that time, we were walking on thin ice around each other. 

    Eno: She stopped getting me the way she used to. It’s like she forgot there were other parts of me than the ones she already knew. 

    She stopped asking me what movies I enjoyed and just kept referring the ones I watched when I was a teenager. It felt like she was stuck on the person she met and not the one she was growing in a relationship with. 

    Emem: We should’ve broken up a long time ago, but by November 2022, I knew we couldn’t enter the New Year the way we were, so I asked that we break up. 

    Eno: Every day after the breakup was hell. I cried so much and couldn’t eat, and I was miserable. I couldn’t share jokes with her or see her, and God, I cried. I cried on the bus and the road. Everywhere. I have no idea how I got anything done. 

    I knew we were going to break up, but I hoped we wouldn’t. Even though I was prepared for the possibility of a break up, the reality knocked the wind out of me. I was rendered useless. 

    I felt alone in my sadness. I didn’t know if I meant anything or if we were important. I hated the awkwardness that came with texting her. It was like a grating noise. She called me my name one time during text instead of the nickname she gave me and I cried myself to sleep.

    Emem: I may have asked that we break up, but I cried a lot. There were days when I’d want to call and tell them about my day, but I couldn’t. The realisation would lead to more tears. It was a lot. They’d weaved themselves into every corner of my life, and I couldn’t escape them. Their birthday is my password, so every time I opened my phone I was reminded of the fact that this person was no longer in my life. They were friends with my friends and we even had to do some work together. Even the book I was reading in school was bought for me by them. I couldn’t escape. 

    I felt like I had made a huge mistake with the break up, but at the same time, I knew I did the right thing. We needed to work on ourselves away from each other.  

    Eno: I missed all the silly things that made no sense to anyone but us, her teasing me, having someone be more excited than me about my stupid interests. I missed her in her entirety. 

    I also missed her mum. I didn’t know how much of our lives had become so intertwined until the break-up. She was unavoidable. I didn’t even want to avoid her. 

    RELATED: Sunken Ships: We Should Have Been Friends Before We Dated

    Is that why you’re still friends?

    Eno: To be honest, it was hard to be friends at first. I’d blocked her everywhere because everything was too painful a reminder of the relationship, but I missed her friendship. 

    We make the best friends. The jokes and conversations we have, I love them. I eventually responded to texts, called, and we fell into a comfortable routine a month after we broke up. 

    Emem: That’s my guy forever and ever. Even though the romantic part of our relationship suffered, the friendship was always there. We showed up for each other and even after we broke up, we still show up for each other. Being friends with Eno is a special type of relationship, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

    Eno: Yeah, what she said. 

    Emem: I greatly dislike you. 

    Eno: You love me.

    Emem: I really do.

    Something you learnt from the breakup? 

    Eno: I learnt that I’d somehow lost my sense of self. I didn’t know how to be soft anymore, how to enjoy my company, and I’m capable of being bold and better. Also that she’s softer than she lets me know. 

    Emem: I’ve always been a softie, but yeah, I was too hard with you. It’s unfortunate that almost everyone saw the softest version of myself but the person I was supposed to be in a relationship with. I learnt that I have problems, and I’m trying to work on them. But I’m enjoying this whole being single thing for now. 

    Do you see yourselves getting back together?

    Eno: Yes. Well, I hope so. 

    Emem: Yeah, I do, but like, not now. We have some personal things to discover. 

    Eno: And we need to make sure we won’t make the same mistakes we made the last time.

    Emem: Period, bestie. 

    What do you plan to do differently?

    Eno: If I feel more secure spending time with myself, I’d be able to show up more for her and actually listen to her and not just hear what I think. I’ll show her how much I love her at every given moment and make the silly TikTok with her. I’ll dance on the road with her and just enjoy her without asking her to be more or less than she is. 

    Emem: I’ll talk about things more. I didn’t know when I became so closed off to them, but I plan on opening up more. In fact, I’m even trying now. Abi? 

    Eno: Yes, you are. 

    Emem: Baby steps and a lot of hard work, but I try because I love the idiot.

    Eno: I might maybe love you too. 

    Emem: LMAO. You’re adorable.

    RELATED: Sunken Ships: We’re Working on What Friendship Means After a Breakup

  • We’re tired of hearing that you’re single to stupor. That’s why we’ve come up with tips to help you avoid commenting, “God, when?” under people’s couple posts in 2023. Here’s how to get into a relationship in 2023.

    Ask your parents to set you up

    If there’s one thing you should know, it’s that Nigerian parents know people of all ages and genders. And because they want grandchildren, they’ll be very happy to set you up with a potential partner. They’re already doing it behind your back anyway, so just give them the official go-ahead. 

    Go outside oooo

    I beg you in the name of everything you love, go out next year. Throughout 2022, you stayed in your house and remained single because your soulmate didn’t come knocking at your door. In 2023, leave your house. Even if it’s just to walk down your street. 

    Try speed dating

    I think speed dating is one of the best ways to find your soulmate. First of all, you’ll go on multiple dates in one day and setting, which is less stressful. Secondly, If you don’t feel the spark potential soulmates should feel in five minutes then the person isn’t meant for you. On to the next one.

    Hang a sign outside your house 

    Just like how people hang signs for work vacancies. Yours should say, “Serious relationship wanted”, with a list of criteria. Let people know how serious you are.

    Enter other people’s relationships 

    At least you’ll be entering a relationship. Just not yours. 

    Steal someone’s partner 

    Maybe your soulmate is currently dating somebody else. Steal people’s partners until you find the one meant for you. 

    Be wicked 

    From conversations I’ve read on Twitter TL, it looks like people love wickedness. That’s the only thing that explains why people are still falling in love with Igbo women and Yoruba men. Stop trying to be their peace and start showing them pepper, and they’ll commit to you. 

    Post your pictures 

    How do you expect anyone to ask you out when the last time you posted a picture of yourself was in 2015? We’re in 2023 please, people aren’t going to enter your DMs because the memes you post are funny. Do better. 

    Be interesting to talk to 

    Stop all that “wyd”, “lol”, and “have you eaten”  nonsense. You’re a grown adult, learn how to have proper conversations. If not people will keep blocking you and you’ll keep wondering why God doesn’t like you. Meanwhile, you’re the architect of your own problem.  

    ALSO READ: 10 Questions To Ask On A First Date To Be Sure You Have Found ‘The One’

  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    Before we go into 2023, here are some love life stories you should read. If you’ve read them before, read them again.

    1) Love Life: We Didn’t Need Phones, We Had Love

    A lot of things have become easier with technology. Now, with phones, dating apps and social media platforms you can meet and pursue relationships with people continents away. However, what was dating like before that happened? When all people had were letters and the love in their hearts? This couple gives us an insight into what that relationship was like and how it is now. 

    2) Love Life: We Bonded Over Our Love for Music 

    What happens when a musician and a music writer find each other? In this case, it’s love, a mutual bond and understanding of music and a lot of “X doesn’t have the musical range that Y has.” It’s the stuff of movies and also the story of this couple. 

    3) Love Life: We Finally Met Up Because of Christmas Chicken 

    Two things you learn from this love life; the first is that the love of your life might be in a relationship with someone that isn’t you. The second is that Christmas chicken might be the reason you find love.

    4) Love Life: We’re Roommates Who Fell in Love

    Some people go to school and get roommates they hate, others get roommates they like, but these two? They fall in love. I think they’re the only people doing this roommate thing correctly.

    5) Love Life: I Went to Her House Every Day for a Whole Year

    I’ve heard of dedication, but nothing like this. I wonder if it would have been easier with mobile phones, because I can’t imagine having to go all the way to someone’s house just because I wanted to see them. Then doing it every single day for a whole year? Love is a strong thing. 

    6) Love Life: It Took Us 7 Years to Have Our First Child

    Marriage is hard enough as it is. Input financial difficulties and the lack of children, it becomes a lot worse. This is how this couple even in their old age, managed to keep the love alive.

    7) Love Life: Telling Our Parents Made Our Relationship Easy

    When teenagers and young adults don’t have to sneak around to see the people they’re dating, it makes the relationship a million times easier. At least, that’s what this couple told us.

    8) Love Life: We Found Our Way Back to Each Other After 35 Years

    If “If it’s meant to be it’ll be” was a love life, it’ll be this one. Thirty five years after their last encounter, Geraldine* and Felix* found their way back into each other’s lives.

    9) Love Life: I’m Scared to Tell My Parents About Him

    Growing up with strict parents is hard, but having strict parents and hiding a relationship you know they won’t approve of is even harder. The other option will be to just tell them about the relationship, but that’s where fear comes in.

    10) Love Life: Being Polyamorous Didn’t Stop My Jealousy

    There are a lot of popular misconceptions about polyamory, one of which being that they don’t get jealous. However, according to this couple, polyamory isn’t some blocker for jealousy. We learn somet

  • If there’s a hill I’m willing to die on, it’s that, as long as you didn’t have an issue with your partner’s dressing in the talking stage, you have no business trying to change it in the relationship. But Juliet* explained her boyfriend thought her dressing could make guys think she was available. 

    In the four years she dated Maxwell*, she’d stopped wearing shorts and trousers, and cut ties with all male friends. My question was simple, “Why?”

    Source: Unsplash

    As Told to Memi

    I met Maxwell* in 2015, my first year in the University. He’d texted me on WhatsApp, claiming he found my contact on his phone as “Fresher one”. He was in his final year, so it seemed odd, but we started talking regardless. The first day we met in front of my hostel, he hugged me like he’d known me for years. Then we grew closer, and after about a month, I started to develop feelings for him. 

    I’m a very expressive person, so everyone knew I liked him. He’d flirt with me, so I thought the feeling was mutual. You can imagine my confusion when he started outrightly chasing my close friend who already had a boyfriend. I was so hurt, I blocked him. It was obvious he only liked that I was giving him food and assisting with urgent ₦2ks. 

    The following semester, early 2016, he came back begging. In retrospect, it was because my friend had shut his advances down. He’d also tried to get together with my coursemate. He had a way with words, and I still had feelings for him, even though they were suppressed, so it only took a few months before we started dating again in April. That was when he became controlling. 

    He didn’t want me to have any male friends no matter how platonic it was — hugging guys was out of the question. He said these things meant I was “creating a conducive environment for emotions to flow”. I cut off a lot of male friends while the others became acquaintances. 

    He’d also go through my phone randomly and accuse me of trying to hide things because I cleared my WhatsApp chats. He was projecting because he always deleted his own conversations. I, on the other hand, had space issues on my phone, and sometimes, my WhatsApp would decide to wipe itself. 

    After he graduated, things became worse. He didn’t want me wearing shorts or trousers. If I sent him a picture of myself, the first thing he’d do would be to point out all the things that were indecent about my outfit. I couldn’t go out with my female friends in the evening because  I couldn’t risk upsetting him by not picking up his call or replying to his texts. I even stopped attending the campus blasts just outside my hostel. 

    Slowly, I started to lose interest in everything he didn’t like. My dresses were calf-length and unflattering — benefitting for someone with no intention of attracting any men. He helped with my schoolwork and sent me self-growth materials he thought I’d need. The relationship was good even though I was still bearing most of the financial burden. 

    He started serving in the West, so seeing him meant travelling from my school in the South. We’d split the transport — I’d pay the ₦4,500 going, and he’d pay it coming. I’d also take foodstuffs out of what I had in school and, sometimes, buy gifts to take to him. I didn’t mind building with him. 

    But in January 2018, I started talking to Kosi* online. He was a relative of one of my high school besties, so we sort of knew each other. When we started talking on Facebook, it was innocent — we’d banter and just gist. We both enjoyed each other’s company, but soon, feelings started getting involved. Once we kissed, I knew I’d fucked up, and I told my boyfriend about it. 

    The relationship became very strained. Whenever I did anything, he’d remind me of how I ran into the arms of another man. When I asked for us to break up, he said he wanted to work things out. I don’t think he recovered from that because he became very insecure. 

    There were times I suspected him of bugging my phone because we’d be having a conversation, and he’d indirectly mention something I had said to others in chats. But I knew I had given him a reason to doubt me, so I didn’t focus on his invasion of my privacy as much.  

    It continued during my IT period too. One of my managers, that was Muslim, had gifted me ₦20k. It was his salah gift and contribution towards getting a new phone because mine had been stolen six months before. I excitedly called my boyfriend to tell him, but he asked me to return it. This time, I made it clear the man had no underlying motives, and I wouldn’t turn down help when I clearly needed it. 

    We eventually moved past that, and he visited my family house on my birthday in July. It might as well have been an engagement because he met my parents and declared his intentions. We got engaged officially in March 2019. Things were going fine, and he was excited for me to graduate at the end of that year so we could settle down. As the time drew closer, I started to see he was in this bubble he’d built himself, and we were nowhere near ready for marriage. 

    He was still earning ₦40k from his job at a radio station. I tried to get him a better-paying bank job through my friend’s husband, but he didn’t want it. I asked him to try and talk to the top state government officials he met through his job and interacted with frequently, but he said it might upset his current boss. I know how likeable he was and how easy it’d be for him to upscale if he wanted to, but he didn’t want to move from his comfort zone. I never asked for anything; instead, I was always giving, so he was okay. 

    I didn’t know how to end things because I kept worrying about what people would say, how I’d face everyone I’d cut off. This remains my biggest mistake because I stayed even though I’d mentally and emotionally checked out. 

    By January 2020, Kosi* and I had become close again. When he reached out, he stated his intention was not to date but to marry me. He knew I was still with someone, but he wanted me to give him a try, and I honestly didn’t object. When Maxwell attended my grandparent’s burial, he went through my phone and read the chats between us. He saw that Kosi and I had reconnected and were “going out”. We went our separate ways after that. I regret the split wasn’t more honourable on my part because it gave Maxwell the leverage to say nasty things about my character. For months after we broke up, he’d drop think pieces on Facebook and Twitter about how women were scum, how he was the loving boyfriend that got played by a wicked woman. One of the rants ended up on a popular gossip blog even. I just wanted to do what was best for me. 

    Kosi and I got married in November 2020, he wasn’t joking when he said he wanted to marry me and giving him a chance remains one of the best decisions of my life. I married a man who not only cares for me but is secure enough in my love for him. He loves when I wear makeup, dress up and spend time with my friends.

    Names have been changed to protect their identity.

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  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    Bear* (25) and Nala* (27) tell us about how they started dating one week after their first date. They also talk about having to define the structure of their relationship, the different ways they practice polyamory and the uncertainty of their future. 

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Love Life

    How did you meet?

    Bear: We ran into each other at an event called Green Camp. It was the first time we met physically, and there was sexual tension but we didn’t act on anything until this year when I saw her again on a Friday at South, Lagos in March 2022. 

    Prior to that, we’ve been following each other since 2016. I’ll always text her in a bid to try starting a connection but she wasn’t giving me the proper energy. I kept trying to take it beyond the banter we were having on the timeline, but she kept killing whatever fire I tried to light. 

    Nala: To be honest, it’s not his fault. He is attractive and based on the conversations we had on the timeline, I could see our views aligned. 

    I’m just a shitty person when it comes to maintaining contact with people via text. I used to think I liked texting, but what I really liked was the ability to respond to texts at my own time. The best I could maintain with him were topical conversations that didn’t really go anywhere. The problem was just that I was busy with work. I apologised for it. 

    That’s a long time

    Nala: He wasn’t pursuing me for that long, but we knew of each other. 

    So, let’s talk about the meeting at South

    Nala: My motivation for going to South was because I was hoping to go and see him. 

    Bear: Ehn? See who? 

    Nala: Let me tell my story. 

    Bear: You did not come to see me. Let’s not rewrite history. She didn’t come to see me. What happened was that I came and then stole the show. 

    Nala: Anyways, I saw him and was distracted from the person I actually came to see. I think at that moment, I started to wonder why I was actually running away from him. 

    Bear: Let me tell you what really happened because to be fair, I think I’m better at detailing events and memories. 

    I was having one of those high confidence days. I looked good and felt it. While I was trying to get a drink, I turned and we saw each other — she was right beside me. And her look was different. It said, “It’s time, I’m ready for you.”

    However, she was with someone else, and I didn’t know what the relationship was. We interacted and made plans to actually hang out on the island on Sunday. 

    RELATED: Love Life: The Day We Started Dating Is the Day I Stopped Smoking

    How did the hangout go? 

    Bear: Sunday came and I didn’t hear from her untill 4 p.m. when I had already left the island. She felt bad about it and so we scheduled to meet during the week. She came to see me on Friday. 

    Nala: I’ll just like to add that I was working at the time. I had zero personal time and wasn’t as flexible as I wanted. I have time blindness and sometimes I get so wrapped up in one task, I forget the others I had set out to do. 

    Did you eventually have that rescheduled date?

    Nala: Yes, we did, and after it happened, I kept asking myself why it didn’t happen earlier. 

    Bear: I was very excited. I don’t know how, but everything just kind of aligned. Something that made me aware this was different was when we kissed. I think that’s how I describe our relationship till now. 

    The kiss was like a warm embrace. Like something I didn’t know I existed up until it happened. At that moment, I felt like I was walking through a desert and someone just pinned me down and force-fed me water. It was the best tasting water I’ve had in my life. I had never felt this way kissing someone before. It was a very emotionally charged and special day. As much as it was physical, there was a lot of emotional vulnerability that day.  

    After the date, her schedule suddenly blew wide open. She suddenly had my time. 

    Nala: You know why it blew open. I don’t know why you’re acting like this. 

    Bear: LMAO.

    Nala: My client actually left the country, and I had a lot of time on my hands. 

    Bear: Honestly, after that first date, everything just kind of aligned. We hung out every day for one week, and we were courageous enough to be emotionally vulnerable and talk about what we were feeling. 

    What kind of vulnerability and emotions are we talking about? 

    Bear: Around the time we started dating, my mum was having a medical emergency and it cost a lot of money so I was pretty low on funds. I started feeling ashamed about my general financial situation and I started to pull away. She called me out on it and then opened up a space where I could just talk about all the things I was feeling and going through. She helped me get to the root cause of my emotions and from there I was able to work towards getting better. 

    Nala: I had some insecurities about my body. Whenever I brought up how I felt, he was really patient and was able to empathise with what I was going through. 

    You started dating after one week. Why? 

    Nala:  I couldn’t get enough of his company, so we spent every moment together. 

    Bear: At some point, she mentioned in passing that if we were going to enter into a relationship, she needed me to ask her out. She may have mentioned it in passing, but I had it ingrained in my head. At that point, I had a different relationship structure I needed to find a way to dismantle before officially coming into a relationship with her. 

    While I was trying to do all of that, I decided to just go ahead and ask her out. I hadn’t felt that way about anyone before and I didn’t want to waste time. 

    I asked her out on a Saturday night in March, after we had finished having sex. After the very intense session, I kept looking at her and I could feel my chest flutter and tingle. So I went on a long talk that I don’t remember the details of, but I know ended with, “I want you to be my girlfriend.” She said yes.

    Nala: I’d spent a lot of time single and I used that time to reflect on what I didn’t want in a relationship. However, I didn’t know what exactly it was I wanted. He invoked a lot of strong feelings in me and I realised that’s something I wanted. A partner that made me happy and invoked strong feelings in me. I loved him. It was a no brainer I’d say yes. I don’t know why or how it happened, but I know I was in love with him. 

    One of the reasons I mentioned him asking me out is because we were already edging towards “falling” into a relationship. We did all the things couples did and were settling into a comfortable routine. I didn’t want to wake up one day and start having a “So what are we?” conversation. 

    Bear: All my years of pursuing older women finally paid off because I was able to bag this one. 

    Nala: It’s just a two-year difference. 

    What was dating like? 

    Bear: Well, for one, we had to define the dynamic of our relationship. I came into the relationship as a polyamorous person or how do they say it? 

    Nala: He likes women and women like him and everybody is on his tail. 

    Bear: Jesus. It’s everybody that likes you. Men, women, all of them. I knew I wasn’t monogamous, but I wasn’t sure what the details were. What I knew was that if I was going to figure out whatever this was with anybody, it was going to be her. 

    RELATED: Love Life: She’s Polyamorous But I’m Not

    I think you both described this thing differently. So let’s break it down

    Bear: So the other relationships I was involved in were the things I had to settle before I could be with her. I was coming off of what can maybe be described as a harem. 

    Nala: Ah ha! So was I wrong in my description of everyone being on your tail? 

    Bear: LMAO. When Nala and I eventually started dating, I told them there was someone I had to prioritise because she became my primary partner. 

    Before then, I had a system where I try to make sure my lovers are on the same level or that they feel like they have equal space in my heart, but they could tell there was something with Nala that was different. 

    When I broke the news to them, most survived but those that didn’t morphed into proper friendships. 

    Nala: I’m polyam as well, but for me, I handle my people with varying degrees of intimacy. I’m not as into people as he is. He’s more of a golden retriever type that’s friends with everyone. I am more detached. I don’t have that much mental energy. 

    Bear: So the way we practised was kind of different. 

    Nala: I knew what I had was working for me, and I liked it that way. When Bear and I started dating, I informed my other partners, but unlike his, mine was like bulk SMS. Just hey, I’ll see you around and also, I have someone now. 

    How then do you both navigate this structure you’ve created for yourselves? 

    Nala: I wanted to approach this relationship from a place of complete honesty with my feelings and emotions. I’ve tried traditional monogamy, and I’ve had some failings in it. 

    Knowing he was polyamorous as well was a step in the right direction. The conversation about wanting other people, even when you’re with someone you’re romantically invested in is always a tricky one to have, but I didn’t have to worry about that with him. 

    To an extent, there’s still a nagging feeling I have. Like does he like this person more than he likes me and stuff like that, but it’s usually just a casual thought. It’s hardly ever something I have strong evidence to back up. Plus, it helps that whenever I feel like this, I can just have a conversation with him. 

    Bear: For me, I think jealousy is something that can exist no matter the type of relationship. It could be a friendship, a business relationship or anything. Having a conversation and reassurance really helps.

    We have just one rule in place, and it’s that she’s my primary partner and I’m hers, and the only thing that can be considered cheating is when we put other people before each other. 

    Nala: We don’t really have firm rules. It’s just that we need to make sure our interests are protected before anything else. 

    Do you see yourself getting other primary partners or dating one person as a couple? 

    Bear: I know my partner, and I don’t think she has the emotional capacity or range to include another person into this relationship. The third person will suffer because they’d have to rely on only me for all their emotional needs. 

    Nala: LMAO. We’ve gotten offers from people wanting to come in.

    Bear: But they should just enjoy what they have now because inside? You’ll be starved. As for getting another girlfriend, I don’t think I want one, at least not now. I haven’t met anyone I like enough to want that from. 

    Nala: I don’t think I have someone on my radar that triggers as much emotion as Bear does. I won’t say I love anyone to the level that I love him and I consider that a requirement for getting into a relationship with someone. I have other relationships beyond this, but none of them just have the same level of intimacy. 

    On a scale of 1-10 how would you rate your love life? 

    Nala: I’ll give it an 8 because of some of the uncertainties that come with our future and because there’s always need for improvement. We don’t know what next year holds for either of us in terms of if we’re even still going to be in the country. Let’s survive Nigeria first. It’s almost painful to think about so we haven’t had a final discussion on what our future looks like.

    I’m so happy in the relationship and I wouldn’t trade this for anything else. I enjoy the fact that he’s a really calming influence. He also doesn’t mind going under the sun to do things for me. I sweat easily and the sun makes me uncomfortable so he sometimes runs errands for me. It just works for me. 

    Bear: 9 for me. Nala is more raging fire and I’m more chill and calm. There are days you can see the fire raging, and she’s burning up everything in her path, but when she gets to me, she becomes a calm little blue flame. I admire the fact that she usually softens up when she meets me. I’m baby, and I don’t like stress. 

    I love how we can banter over anything and can discuss a wide range of topics because of how much our politics align. I love her simply because she exists. The only reason I’m not giving it a 10 is because of the uncertainties surrounding our future

    RELATED: Love Life: We Found Our Way Back to Each Other After 35 Years

  • Sunken Ships is a Zikoko series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    Esther* (23) talks us through what she labels the worst relationship of her life so far. He constantly tried to get her to lose weight, got her pregnant and ignored her feelings during the abortion process. 

    How did you meet? 

    Esther: Meeting Osas* was very random. It happened in April 2019 in my department while I was waiting for my class to start. He struck up a conversation with me. He had political ambition in school so he talked to a lot of people to get his name recognised when the elections rolled around. 

    During our conversation, he found out I liked to write and apparently so did he. He wasn’t completely senseless so I wanted to have more conversations with him. At that time, he fit into what I wanted in a partner physically. He was tall, had pink lips and he also dressed very well.

    We had similar interests and he looked good so when he asked, I gave him my number. 

    Did you talk often?

    Esther: Yes we did, and whenever we did, we had really long conversations. He even started coming to see me in the hostel I stayed in on campus. 

    I enjoyed the visits, but sometimes he’d make comments about my weight and how I should try to lose weight. He even offered to take me to the gym once. I found it interesting that he was always talking about my weight but he kept touching me and trying to sleep with me. 

    Eventually, after weeks of coming to my hostel, he asked when I would reciprocate and see him too. He said he wouldn’t come again until I came over and I decided to pay him a visit. 

    How did seeing him go?  

    Esther: My first red flag about how uncaring he is should have been how he treated me. I didn’t feel like a guest. He told me I could take the yoghurt if I wanted and didn’t even try to offer me water. If I knew then what I know now, I’d have left, but I was attracted to him and I enjoyed whatever attention it was he gave to me, so I stayed. 

    He was touching my breasts and kissing me, but I knew it wouldn’t go farther than that because I was 19 and hadn’t sex with anyone before. I didn’t want that time to be my first. 

    But he was 

    Esther: That visit triggered more visits and on the second visit, we had sex. All my friends were having it and I was attracted to him, so I just thought to do it. It was bland and just there because it was my first but with the way sex was discussed all the time, I expected more from it. We started having sex a lot more often and it got better along the line. I was fine with just having sex with him casually, but he kept putting the idea of a relationship in my head. 

    How was he doing that? 

    Esther: He was always talking about how we’d be as a couple, but he was hesitant to ask me out. His excuse was that he didn’t have time because as a politician, he was so busy. Mind you, this boy was 20. I found that excuse extra funny because he had time to have sex with me and call me will that time vanish if we dated? 

    One day in August, after having sex, we had a conversation about our “relationship”. He told me that being in a relationship was entirely up to me and so I guess that’s how we became a thing. 

    What was being with him like? 

    Esther: The relationship is what I would now refer to as toxic. But then I didn’t think of it as that. It was a completely sexual relationship. We barely did anything other than sex. He stayed off campus so I would visit very often and in all of those visits we just kept having sex. No real care for my feelings. He would barely call as per “I’m busy” but when he’s horny he would call. What offended me is that he could have simply told me all he wanted was sex and I most likely would have agreed and then not invest my emotions. 

    All he did in that relationship apart from have sex with me was complain about how fat I was. He complained so badly to me that I started to take slimming pills. That’s one thing I hated so much about the relationship; the way I lost myself. Normally, I’m vocal about things I don’t like but in this case I just found myself accepting everything and making excuses.

    But the relationship ended eventually. 

    Esther: He was even the one that broke up with me. We had been together for just two months and one day after we finished having sex, he broke up with me. The situation really messed with my mind because I kept wondering what was wrong with me. How do you have hot fuck with someone and even before they clean up you tell them you are breaking up? He said he was breaking up with me because he needs to focus on his life. Me that he broke up with while I was writing exams, didn’t I have life to focus on?  

    Did you get back together? 

    Esther: We didn’t, but we still had sex. It was a week or two after we had broken up and I was trying to mend my broken heart and move on when he drove to my hostel one night to see me. He wanted me to go back with him to his place and he cried, begged and pleaded with me to come with him. I felt smitten because he was begging me, but I didn’t realise it was only because he wanted to have sex with me. 

    So we didn’t get back together because he kept insisting he couldn’t handle a relationship. We stuck to being friends with benefits.  This continued till 2020. I don’t know why I decided to stick with someone who had no regard for me as a person. I had not properly moved on from the break up yet I was still with him. It got worse when I got pregnant. 

    Tell me about the pregnancy

    Esther: I found out about the pregnancy in June 2020. I was sleeping so much and had cramps for weeks. I was dizzy, had heavy breasts and hadn’t seen my period in weeks. After googling and finding out those are pregnancy symptoms, I took a test. When I saw the positive test strip, whatever remnants of feelings I had for him evaporated. The idea of being pregnant with his child scared him.

    I knew I couldn’t keep it so it was operation fetus deletus immediately after the test confirmed it. The process was eye opening because it made me clearly see that this man didn’t give a shit about me. 

    How did he treat you? 

    Esther: Well for one, on our way to the hospital he agreed to be with me but the moment we got there he changed mouth and said if we went together, the doctor would overcharge. It didn’t seem logical to me, but I agreed to talk to the doctor alone. He’s the kind of person who always thinks in “what ifs”. So he was trying to prevent a situation where a doctor will know he assisted a girl to get an abortion. There’s a level of consciousness he has that has always baffled me. He doesn’t even like tweets of people insulting banks or network providers because he believes he might need a job from them one day or that it might stand in the way of his political ambition. 

    The meeting with the doctor was only stressful because Osas was downstairs and every time I had to pay for something, I had to go downstairs to collect money from him. Even after the surgery and I was dizzy from the medication they gave to me, he was downstairs. At no point did he try to offer me physical or emotional support. 

    When I got home that day, he didn’t even call me to ask about me. The lack of care I got during the whole process was eye-opening. It was when I realised he didn’t even like me because if he did, he would not have treated me that way. 

    Was that the last time you spoke to him? 

    Esther: No, it wasn’t. We had sex again in December 2020. I went to his house to see him because he called and asked for it. I was hoping for a conversation where I could finally confront him about his behaviour, but sex happened instead. It wasn’t as great as it used to be and I think it’s because I got tired of him. 

    Do you think you can ever work out? 

    Esther: I know we can’t. I’ve moved on from him and how he made me feel. When I was with him  I was self-conscious about my body and self, he didn’t care for me how I’d liked, and I sometimes felt used. Nothing can take me back to him again.

    RELATED: Sunken Ships: He Kept Trying to Have Sex With Me

  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    Geraldine* (55) and Felix* (61) were childhood friends who lost contact for 35 years. They talk about reconnecting on Facebook, overcoming initial family disapproval and valuing companionship over traditional gender roles in marriage.

    Click here if you want to be interviewed for Love Life

    How did you two meet?

    Geraldine: We attended the same secondary school in Onitsha, Anambra State, in the early 80s, but only became friends in Class 5. I can’t recall all the details now, but we were preparing for our final exams, and we just became close. 

    Felix: I remember walking her home every day after school. Of course, I had to stop at the junction before her house so her neighbours wouldn’t see me and report to her parents. It was innocent, but how do you want to explain that?

    Did you have feelings for each other at this point?

    Geraldine: I became fond of him, but I definitely couldn’t tell him. Girls weren’t that open back then. My heart told me he liked me, but he wasn’t saying anything. I kept waiting for him to talk first. It didn’t happen till almost 35 years later.

    Wait. What? Please explain, sir.

    Felix: I liked her then too, but I knew I’d be moving to Lagos after school, so it didn’t make sense to start what I knew I couldn’t finish. Which father would want to give their daughter to a secondary school leaver? 

    Geraldine: We were walking home from school one day when this man just told me out of the blue that he’d be travelling to Lagos soon to work with his uncle. I felt betrayed.

    Ouch. What did you do?

    Geraldine: What could I have done? I just said okay, and within a week, he’d left Onitsha. This was 1984. There were no phones then, and he never sent a letter, so we lost contact.

    Felix: Again, I didn’t think we had a future together. I just decided to focus on making something out of myself.

    So, what happened next?

    Geraldine: I stayed back in Onitsha for a couple of years. I didn’t further my education, so I traded okrika (thrift clothes) to survive and care for my ailing father, who fell sick sometime after Felix left. I think my dad being sick for so long affected my marital prospects. No one wanted to “inherit” their father-in-law’s medical bills. He eventually died in 1995 when I was 28.

    Two years later, I moved in with my elder sister in Lagos and continued selling clothes around her home in Surulere.

    Felix: I worked with my uncle for about five years in Alaba market, where I learnt to sell electronics. Or I tried to learn. I was terrible at it. My uncle grew tired and wanted to send me back home, but his wife — God bless her soul — convinced him to put me through university instead. I eventually got admitted into the Yaba College of Technology in 1992, to study office management.

    I kept a relationship with one of my uncle’s customers who liked me, and he helped me get a job at one of the federal ministries when I finished around 1996. That’s where I met my first wife, Edith.

    You weren’t always married to each other?

    Felix: No. I met Edith in 1997, ironically, the same year Geraldine moved to Lagos. I still thought about her [Geraldine] once in a while, but we weren’t in touch, so there was no way I would’ve known she’d moved.

    Geraldine: Abi, you’re just saying that because I’m here?

    Felix: Honestly. Anyway, I got married in 1999, and we had two children in quick succession. I think God just wanted me to have those children to remember Edith, because she died in 2001.

    Oh my. I’m so sorry

    Felix: It’s God’s will. She was involved in a hit-and-run. It was really painful, but I had to be a man for our young children. People expected me to remarry immediately, but I didn’t want to go through marriage again. My sister lived with me then, so she helped raise my children. 

    In 2019, I moved my family to Port Harcourt when my office transferred me there, but I soon became lonely. I didn’t really know anyone there, and my children were in university. My sister was long married and had left us for her husband’s house. So, I became active on Facebook. My son had created a profile for me the year before and taught me how to use it, but I didn’t really pay attention then.

    That’s how I opened Facebook one day and saw the app had suggested Geraldine as someone I may know. I was shocked. She’d obviously changed, but it was her name, and I saw she attended our secondary school.

    Did someone say destiny? 

    Geraldine: I was so surprised when I saw his friend request. Of course, I accepted immediately.

    Were you still in Lagos then?

    Geraldine: Yes. I stopped my clothes business in 2010 when I became a full-time minister at a church. I also left my sister’s place around that time, to live at our church’s headquarters before transferring to the Agbara branch in 2014. 

    You didn’t mention marriage

    Geraldine: Marriage didn’t come. Men came, but they either wanted to sleep with me or the relationship didn’t just work out. I was bothered about it, but I kept believing I’d get married one day. Faith in God was the only thing I could hold on to.

    I watched my church members get married and have children. I even helped many of them settle their marital issues, but I was as single as ever. People mocked me, but I was stubborn. I can cry inside my house, but outside, you’d swear I had no problems. Why give people a reason to mock me even more?

    My family members talked too, but will I marry myself? It didn’t stop me from visiting my mother in the village during the festive seasons. I know I must’ve been the topic of gossip, but that’s their problem.

    Wow. It must’ve been tough

    Geraldine: It really was. I remember one time I was trying to settle a fight between a couple who were members of my church. The lady was really angry, and I was trying to calm her down when she said something along the lines of, “Mummy, you can’t understand how marriage feels unless you’re inside it”. I just smiled and changed the subject. 

    Felix: Some people just don’t know how to talk.

    So, back to you reconnecting on Facebook

    Felix: We started chatting and exchanged numbers. For a couple of weeks, we just talked about everything that’d happened since we last saw each other. But I knew God had given me another chance with her, and once we started talking regularly, I was already thinking marriage.

    Geraldine: He told me about his feelings for me from way back in secondary school, how he had been widowed for 18 years, about his children. Everything. Then, about two months since we started talking, he said he wanted us to get married. I was 52, and I wanted to marry, but I wasn’t that desperate. This was someone I hadn’t set eyes on in about 35 years.

    When did you decide to give him a chance?

    Geraldine: He actually came to Lagos just to see me. This was a month after he said he wanted to marry me.

    Felix: I’m too old for games. I hadn’t given marriage a thought for so long, and I knew I wanted to do it for the right reason — companionship, not just someone to take care of the children. I came to see Geraldine and stayed for two weeks. A friend of hers hosted us, and I got the opportunity to fall in love with her again.

    Geraldine: He still has the sense of humour I remember. Those two weeks helped us get reacquainted.

    When did marriage happen?

    Geraldine: My family and church members were understandably excited when they heard I’d be getting married. I didn’t even need to announce too much, people did the announcement for me — you’d think I was one celebrity. Some naysayers from my village even carried rumours that I was to be his second wife, not knowing he was a widower. 

    We travelled down to my village in December 2019 for the traditional rites and did the church wedding in March 2020 just before the lockdown. Then, I relocated to be with him in Port Harcourt.

    How’s married life?

    Felix: Honestly, it was rocky initially. My son was a bit disrespectful in the beginning. He schooled in a university here in Port Harcourt, while my daughter schooled in Lagos, so he lived with me. I guess he thought she was coming to take his place. I had to speak sense into him. He later chose to live with his friends.

    Geraldine: I was worried I was coming between him and his children, but my husband wouldn’t hear it. Thankfully, I have a good relationship with my stepdaughter, and my stepson eventually came around.

    It was also difficult to get used to being accountable to someone after living alone for so long. But it helps that he’s more experienced in marriage matters. We stay alone and basically live like friends. I enjoy his company, and I really enjoy being married to him.

    What’s something being with each other has taught you both?

    Felix: Companionship is even more important than whatever rules we attach to marriage. Maybe it’s because I’ve been single for a long time, but it doesn’t matter whether she cooks or I cook. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed, and I want to enjoy every minute I have with the person I love.

    Geraldine: Sometimes, waiting is good. I’m completely at peace, and we’re both old enough to overlook things that may have led to fights if we were younger.

    How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1 to 10?

    Felix: 10. I’ve been given a second chance at love, and I’m grateful.
    Geraldine: 10. I’m happy. That’s all.

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