Does your dad have a mysterious “close friend” whose kids call him Uncle, even though they look suspiciously like him? Is there a familiar face that keeps popping up on your social media feed, or an awkward silence whenever you ask about an unfamiliar face in the family photo album? If you answered yes, it might be time to wear your investigative cap and prepare yourself.
We know the signs to look out for before these secret step-siblings show up unannounced in future.
1. Suspicious family gatherings
If certain “family friends” always make it to your family events, and they seem overly familiar with your parents, that might be a sign. Especially if they don’t really talk to anyone else but somehow know all the family gossip.
2. Unexplained phone calls and messages
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If your parent takes calls in hushed tones or leaves the room to “catch up” with someone who’s not in your contacts, you might have some siblings they’re not telling you about.
3. Overly generous family friend gifts
If a “family friend” sends your parent generous gifts, funds, or long messages on your birthdays or other milestones, it’s worth wondering if they’re more than just friendly gestures.
4. Mysterious photos around the house
If you notice random photos of unfamiliar children in your family albums or at your grandparents’ house, and your parents get awkward when you ask, that’s a big red flag.
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5. Family members who look like you
If you’ve ever bumped into someone who looks eerily like you or shares certain family traits (same nose, same eye shape), especially if you’re in the same town, you might have uncovered a sibling.
6. Weird responses from older relatives
When older relatives mention a mysterious “other family” and quickly change the topic, that might be them trying not to spill a big secret.
7. Odd social media friend requests
If people with family names you don’t recognise pop up in your “People You May Know” or try to friend you on social media, especially around your parent’s age or younger, take note.
8. Secretive road trips
If your parent “just has to step out” for day-long road trips that they can’t really explain, it might be a meetup with another family.
9. Over-familiar strangers
If someone at the grocery store or out in public randomly approaches you and seems to know an unusual amount about your family, it could be a hint.
Missing your long-distance friends can hit different. It doesn’t matter that they annoy TF out of you within minutes of being together, you just want to have them around again and do stupid shit together.
If you’re looking for an “I miss you” message that lets them know just how much their absence is messing with you, these love messages for your long distance friends will have them feeling the love from miles away.
“I was just thinking, it’s been way too long since we had a proper catch-up. Miss you so much, and we need to plan something soon.”
“Missing you hits harder on days like today, when I just want to share a random laugh with you. Hope things are going great on your end.”
“Life just isn’t the same without you here. Can we fast-forward time and hang out already?”
“Babe, everything just dry without you here. Abeg, hurry back so we can catch up proper. I dey miss you too much!”
“I swear, every time something funny happen, I just dey look around like, ‘Where my padi?’ Miss you die.”
“I keep wanting to tell you things I know only you’ll get. Can’t wait for the next time we’re together to offload it all!”
“It’s weird, but it’s like there’s this empty space around me that only you fill. I miss you loads and need my friend back soon.”
“Just wanted you to know that things aren’t half as fun without you. Can we please make a plan to see each other?”
“I saw that jollof you posted and nearly cried. I dey miss our foodie runs and your wahala. Come back quick o!”
“Random moments remind me of you, and I get this mix of nostalgia and impatience to see you again. Missing you a lot these days.”
“I was looking through our old photos, and I swear, they made me miss you even more. Let’s make some new memories soon, yeah?”
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“It’s like a part of me is missing without you around. Can we make plans soon so I can feel whole again?”
“Honestly, the world feels a little less bright without you here to laugh and make memories with. Miss you more than words can say.”
“Sometimes I’ll think of something and laugh, and then I realise you’re not here to laugh with me. Need my person back soon!”
“Omo, life no balance without you here to gist and laugh with. We gats plan something soon o, make I no faint from boredom.”
“Distance sucks. Just know you’re missed more than you realise, and I’m counting down the days until we can hang out again.”
“I’m not built for this long-distance friendship life. Need my person back soon so I can feel normal again.”
“It’s crazy how many stories I’m saving up to tell you. I swear, things don’t make sense without you here to share them with. Come home!!!”
“Saw something today that I know you’d have cracked up over. Just reminded me how much I need my friend back here.”
“Guyyy, street dry die as you no dey around. Who go follow me do anyhow? Abeg, find time come make we catch up.”
Imagine growing up with parents who wield “I’ll disown you” like a threat or having a father who looks you in the eyes and says, “I’m not your dad.” That’s the reality some Nigerians face.
In this article, three middle-aged Nigerians share the stories of how their parents disowned them, how the experience has shaped their own families, and what it means to break the cycle.
Adeoyo*, 51
What do you think led to your parents’ decision to disown you?
“I’ll disown you” was a common threat my dad used on me and my two younger siblings. He set these strict, unrealistic expectations: we had to come first in school, be perfect at Sunday School, and avoid friendships with other neighbourhood kids.
Growing up, I often wondered why my mum stayed with him—he was emotionally abusive, and his words were sharper than physical pain. Sometimes, I wish he’d just hit us instead of leaving us with those cutting words that still haunt me today.
In my final year at uni, I got a call from my mum saying she’d left his house and that I shouldn’t return there after school. My dad took it as a betrayal, especially when we chose to stay with her. This time, he followed through on his ‘disownment’ threat. He died soon after I graduated, and we never had the chance to mend things.
How has this experience shaped your view of family and belonging?
It’s only made me appreciate the family I have with my mum and siblings. Leaving my dad brought us closer, and even though we struggled financially, we finally had peace and love in the home. I think we thrived better without his overbearing presence.
What aspects of your life now would you have wanted your dad to see or understand?
I would’ve liked him to see how well we turned out without him. All three of us now have our own families, and we’re nothing like him—we don’t use threats or manipulation to raise our kids.
Do you think this experience has impacted your role as a parent?
I don’t threaten my kids with things like, “I’ll disown you.” I’ve prioritised thinking carefully before correcting them to avoid saying things I’d regret. I’ve had slip-ups, but I’m intentional about doing right by them.
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Johnson*, 48
What do you think led to your parents’ decision to disown you?
I don’t think my dad needed much reason. My mum says he just left us a few months after I was born and never came back. She eventually heard he’d remarried, but he refused all family attempts to reconcile. Growing up, I only knew him from old photographs.
In secondary school, a family friend convinced my mum to let me visit him. I wasn’t excited, but part of me wanted to see him. When I arrived, I met my stepmum and step-siblings. They were nice, but the atmosphere changed when he got home. My dad barely looked at me before saying, “Go back to your mother and tell her to show you your real father. I’m not him.”
That was the last time I saw him. I think, deep down, I disowned him just as much as he disowned me that day.
How has this experience shaped your view of family and belonging?
This isn’t uncommon in our society. There are single parent stories everywhere and some of these children have grown up just right. My grandmother always told me, “Orphans survive with no parents; you’re lucky to have one who cares.” Now, when my daughter calls me “the best dad ever,” I know I’m doing something right.
What aspects of your life now would you have wanted your dad to see?
I’d only have wanted him to meet my kids. They ask about him sometimes, and I just say he’s passed. Luckily, they have their maternal grandfather, who loves them like his own.
Do you think the experience has impacted your role as a parent?
Oh, it has. Like I said, my daughter calls me the “best dad in the world,” and that’s all the reassurance I need to know that I’m getting something right with her.
Toyin*, 42
What do you think led to your parent’s decision to disown you?
I didn’t invite my mum to my wedding.
She was mostly in and out of my life as a child, so I spent most of my childhood with my grandmother, who, though well-meaning, was strict and difficult. By the time I got to uni, I’d adjusted to life without a present mother. But she’d always say, “I’m still your mother, whether you like it or not.” At one point, she joined a cult, which distanced her even more from the family.
I didn’t want her at my wedding because she caused a scene at my graduation, and I worried she’d do the same on my big day. When she found out, she told people I was no longer her child. My grandmother tried to reconcile us, but my mum seems more invested in her cult now than in the family.
How has this experience shaped your view of family and belonging?
It’s shown me what I don’t want when creating my family. My mum failed to give me the gift of family, but I’m determined to give my kids what I didn’t have. With my husband and kids, I’ve found a true sense of belonging I’d always wanted.
What aspects of your life now would you have wanted your mum to see?
All of it. Childhood was hard without her, and adulthood hasn’t been any easier without her guidance. It would’ve been nice to have her here.
Do you think the experience has impacted your role as a parent?
It definitely has. When I find myself struggling or on the edge, I pause and think, “Would I want my daughter going through what I did?” The answer’s always “no,” it keeps me grounded as a parent.
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One minute, you’re glued to your phone, laughing at inside jokes and counting down till the next time you’ll see each other. The next, you’re sending “hey” at noon and getting “k” as a reply three hours later. If you’ve ever been in a talking stage that went from “God when” to “God abeg”, then you already know how it goes.
We broke down the seven stages that mark the slow, painful death of a talking stage.
1. Dry texting zone
Conversations lose their spark, and the messages shrink to one-word responses like “lol,” “k,” and “sure.” You’ve gone from texting all day to barely hearing from them before midnight.
2. Delayed replies (a.k.a. the 24-hour wait)
Remember when you’d reply within seconds and keep your phone close to your chest just for them? Now, hours or even days go by before you get a response. They’ll throw in excuses like “I was busy” or “My network’s been shitty all day.” Lies,lies and more lies.
3. The blame game
At this point, you’re both realising that your “situationship” isn’t going anywhere. So, you start low-key blaming each other for lack of vibe, saying things like, “You never initiate conversations” or “I feel like I’m putting in all the effort.” No one’s owning up; you’re just tossing blame back and forth.
4. Partial ghost mode
You’re not completely ghosted, but responses get real patchy. You see them active on social media, but your messages remain unread. At this point, you’re sure they’re probably focused on another talking stage.
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5. Cancelling plans
At this stage, they no longer want to see or physically be in the same space with you. Meetups that were once carefully planned now get cancelled at the last minute with flimsy excuses like “My grandmother is visiting.” Since you’re both over it, no one bothers to reschedule.
6. The “What are we even doing?” talk
You’ve both had it to the last straw, but someone suggests a “where is this going?” chat, hoping to get some clarity. The conversation is awkward because deep down, you both know the ship never left the harbour. The conversation ends in even more confusion.
7. Familiar strangers
Now, neither of you initiates contact. You both let things quietly fizzle, and just like that, the talking stage is officially over—no hard feelings, no closure.
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If you’re new to the Nigerian dating scene, you might need a dictionary to keep up with the slangs that pop up every three market days. Here, “Chop breakfast” isn’t about your morning meal — it’s the go-to term when you’ve just gotten your heart handed out to you by a wicked lover. And when you hear words like “kpekus” and “gbola”, know it’s about to get unhinged.
We’ve done the Lord’s work and compiled the ultimate guide to help you coast through these slippery streets.
Baddie:
She’s the moment; she’s mother. She’s the babe other babes aspire to be. An expensive maami.
Cruise:
This is a general term for flirting or being playful with the opposite sex.
Chop breakfast:
This means to be dumped or rejected by a romantic partner. Basically, to get your heart broken by a scum.
Love triangle:
Another name for a situationship. It’s mostly used by millennials.
Bae watch:
This is when you’ve made it your life’s mission to know a person’s relationship status. It could also mean watching your partner to ensure they are not cheating.
Friendzone:
Use this term to describe your new location when a potential lover says, “I feel we’re better as friends.”
Ghost:
When you bail on them.
Netflix and chill:
It’s the slang for a sexual encounter masked as a movie night. Run o!
Shoot your shot:
Used when you finally summon the courage to ask your crush out.
Sext:
Basically, E-mekwe.
Tluf tluf:
A coded slang for sexual intercourse.
Talking stage:
Used to describe a potential partner still in the “Getting to know you” stage.
Third wheel:
A single person who loves playing third fiddle to a couple.
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Side chick:
She’s the OTHER woman.
Situationship:
A casual relationship without a head or tail but with occasional opportunities for genital slamming.
Fling:
Mostly used by millennials to describe their “Situationship.”
Breadcrumbing:
When the crush has no plans of taking things further, moves like they’ve got your interest at heart. They flirt here or there, send texts and gifts to keep you attached, knowing damn well they plan to stay single.
Mekwe:
It’s pidgin slang for hardcore intercourse.
Genital slamming:
This slang is used to describe hardcore sex.
Konji:
A state of horniness.
We’re a thing:
It’s used to describe a union that’s way past a situation but not yet a relationship.
Knack:
It literally means “to hit,” but in the Nigerian context, it also means “to get laid.”
Buss:
Mostly used by guys, this slang means “to ejaculate”.
Smash:
It means “to get laid”.
Kpekus:
Another name for the female genitalia.
Gbola:
Another name for male phallus.
Shipping:
It means matchmaking two people without their consent. It’s mostly used by BBNaija fans.
Rizz:
It’s another word for charism. For instance, Is your talking stage giving married or single man rizz?
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Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Motun: I saw him at a campus fellowship gathering in 2014. One of the sisters brought food, and I noticed he helped himself to a serving, then sat on the floor to eat. I thought to myself, “This guy doesn’t have proper table manners.”
James: I noticed her for the first time at another event —a gospel concert. I got into an argument with an usher who had seized my phone and was ready to create a scene, not minding we were in a holy gathering. Then, she walked up to me and went “You don’t look good when you’re angry. Calm down”. The words took me aback, but I didn’t pay her any attention. In my head, I was like, “Abeg, oga comot here.”
Motun: Something about seeing him angry bothered me. We were church members, and I felt I had a duty of care to approach him. I didn’t know what he was going to think of my interference, I just went for it.
So what happened next?
James: We didn’t interact much until a year later, when she approached me in church on a Sunday in December 2015.
I was the Sunday School teacher, and after my class, she came up to me and said she liked my teaching and wanted me to mentor her. She explained her interest in teaching and her struggles with stage fright. We talked about her concerns, and I recommended some books.
We also exchanged phone numbers.
Motun: I called him Brother James, but saved his name as “Blackie” because of his complexion.
Wild
Motun: I’d seen how he taught and how approachable he looked, so asking him to mentor me was a shot worth taking.
Coincidentally, my dad called the same day, encouraging me to try more in Sunday School to build my confidence. His call felt like a confirmation that asking James to mentor me was the right move.
I’m curious, how did mentoring go?
James: At first, it was strictly about offering the guidance and assistance she needed. I was in a relationship and didn’t accommodate the idea of liking someone else.
But by February 2016, two months into the mentorship, I broke up with my girlfriend and realised I might have started to like Motun.
Motun: For me, he was still “Brother James” and I was “Sister Motun”. But one day, we attended a prayer conference at a camp and we sat together on the bus. We pretty much spent the entire trip in each other’s company.
What did you talk about?
James: It was a “getting to know you” conversation. We talked about our family, aspirations, likes, dislikes — the usual stuff.
Motun: It was the first time we went beyond the surface-level, and it brought us closer. That night marked the beginning of our friendship.
Tell me more about the friendship phase
James: I knew I wanted more than friendship. The camp experience confirmed that I liked her, but I didn’t want to rush things. Building a friendship felt like an important first step.
Motun: It was hard to tell his true intentions because James is friendly with everyone. He’d visit my hostel and try to put his arm around me when we walked. I’d remove it, telling him to keep his hands to himself because I didn’t want to confuse our status as friends. I should mention that there was someone else in the mix for me — a study partner I’d grown fond of. He was academically sound, which I found attractive. But I quickly realised he wasn’t someone I’d want to end up with. We never talked beyond academics, and I didn’t see us having a life together. Eventually, we had a falling out, and I focused on James.
Were you aware of this, James?
James: Oh, I knew I had competition. He was a first-class student, while I was just average, but I had “street OT.” We joked about him a lot, and Motun knew she wanted more than an academically sound partner.
Neat. So, when did things become official?
James: September 2016. Seven months after I first asked her.
Why did it take so long?
Motun: I wanted to be sure. I’d stayed single to focus on my studies, so I prayed for guidance, asking God if James was the right choice. During prayers, I’d say to God, “I don’t want to kiss all frogs before I meet my prince charming.” It took seven months to get my answer.
How did you handle the wait, James?
James: I didn’t think it was too long. I’d waited a whole year for someone else, so I was prepared. I knew I wanted Motun. I also reassured her she could take all the time she needed, even if it meant staying friends.
Motun: The day I said yes, I came along with a bottle of wine.
Why?
Motun: Because I knew I was going to say yes.
Sweet. So what were the early days like?
James: It was tough. We had to navigate a long-distance relationship early on since I’d completed university. Then I discovered I had to return for an extra year, which stressed me out. I was worried how that would reflect on her. You know, she had friends in school who knew she was single for a long time, and when she finally found someone, it was an extra-year student. I didn’t think it was a good look.
On top of that, I invested the school fees for my extra year in a Ponzi scheme to make quick money and ended up losing it. After the Ponzi scheme failed, I started a photography course. She really helped me stay the course, and we did a lot to reassure each other through that phase.
Motun: Funny enough, I sensed he’d have an extra year before it happened.
How?
Motun: I can’t explain it. It was just something I felt. So when he told me, I wasn’t angry. I’d already made peace with it. I even went to his convocation in his stead and proudly told everyone I was there for him.
Those early days were about being true to each other, despite everything trying to pull us apart. For example, my family values academic excellence, so how would I explain that my boyfriend had an extra year and a third-class degree? But I also knew I wasn’t ready to leave James.
How did they find out?
Motun: My dad was aware of our relationship because James had visited our house, and he’d also called to wish him a happy birthday. After that call, he wanted to know if James was more than a friend, and I told him. So, I guess my dad was invested in the progress of a potential son-in-law.
During the convocation, he requested a copy of the brochure with the names of graduating students, and called to tell me James’ name wasn’t on the list.
James: He told her there was a problem. He also said he wasn’t telling her to break up, but it was clear I was far from her final destination.
Then something else happened.
What happened?
James: He threw a party on his 60th birthday, and I attended as a photographer.
Motun: Daddy didn’t smile at all.
James: He was cold the entire time, and I could tell he didn’t want me there. But I didn’t back down.
Motun: My dad questioned how I’d survive with a photographer, and I tried to explain that photography had evolved beyond the typical “street foto” people hired for birthday and naming ceremonies.
How did you handle his reservations, Motun?
Motun: There wasn’t much to be done about my dad, to be honest—whatever he was doing wasn’t new. He’s always had high academic standards for his children and expects the same from their partners. But I knew I wasn’t letting go of James to please him. So I kept reassuring James that I wasn’t going anywhere.
You mentioned long-distance earlier. How did that work?
James: It went on for another two years. After I completed my extra year, I served in Abeokuta and she served in Imeko. She also enrolled for her master’s degree in University of Ibadan while I went into photography full-time. I’d take gigs in Ibadan just to see her, but I didn’t think she was making the same efforts to make things work.
She was hyper focused and rarely picked up calls. Naturally, I felt neglected, but I knew she loved me; I just wished she’d chill a little.
Motun: I felt suffocated by his constant need for attention, but I appreciated how he bridged the communication gap I unintentionally created. James showed me it was possible to balance love and my academics.
Fair enough. Curious, did you know what the next step in your relationship might be?
James: We were dating to marry, so the idea of marriage as the next step was there. It was just a question of “when?” as we got deeper and deeper into the relationship.
Motun: Remember the day we talked about when you want to marry?
James: I do.
Tell me about it.
James: In the early days of our friendship, she asked when I’d like to get married, and I said by 25 or 26. She gave the same answer, which confirmed to me that we were on the same page — unlike an ex who’d say, “I’m not even thinking about it in the next 10 years” whenever marriage came up.
Motun: I also remember waking up one morning in 2020 after a family prayer session. I had this strong feeling that my wedding introduction was coming. I called my siblings, and we planned it in advance. That was the moment I knew I wanted to marry him.
Was he aware of this planning?
Motun: He wasn’t. I just wanted to be prepared ahead of the time.
James: We did our introduction in April 2021. We got married in September that year.
I assume your family had become more accepting of James at this point, Motun?
Motun: It was a tug of war.
My retired auditor dad couldn’t understand how a photographer could support a household. He’d often say he wanted to discuss it with James, but whenever James called to set a meeting, my dad would deny asking for one. This happened so many times I eventually told James to stop trying. I empathised with him, imagining how I’d feel if someone judged me solely on my third-class degree.
James: So, we resorted to prayers.
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How did that work out?
Motun: I knew only God could change my dad’s mind. I couldn’t confront him over a man, so I decided to pray instead. I guess it worked because here we are today.
I think he relaxed when he finally understood that James had a degree — even if it was a third-class. That was some sort of assurance that he could always get a proper job.
Right.
Motun: During the first year of ourmarriage, he insisted on James leaving photography to get a proper job. Then, we started working toward japa, and when that clicked, my dad finally sent us a message congratulating us properly as a couple and saying, “He loves our courage”.
How did you handle the lukewarm acceptance, James?
James: My relationship with her dad wasn’t smooth in the early days. Because of that, I had one question for Motun: “Whose side are you on — mine or theirs?” Her support was all I needed to feel like I wasn’t pitting her against her family.
When we got our wedding certificate at our church wedding. Her dad asked thatmy occupation be listed as “media personnel” instead of photographer, which made me decide to only use our registry certificate.
Her dad was also actively trying to make me get a bank job, and it caused the first major fight in our relationship. This was before we got married, by the way.
I was coming to that.
James: He sent me a job application link, but I told him I wasn’t interested. After stalling for a few days, he asked for an update, and I explained I was happy as a photographer. He then invited me for a meeting, where he asked about my earnings. I broke down my rates, including wedding packages, between ₦150k and ₦350k. He questioned if people actually paid that amount and voiced concerns that photography might become obsolete with smartphones. I argued otherwise, and while he said I could do as I pleased, his fatherly advice was to still get a “real” job.
I’m curious. What did you have against Motun in all of this?
James: I think the pushback started getting to her. She’d also started trying to talk me into getting a white-collar job and using my weekends for photography. I was livid at her comment and once again asked the question, “Whose side are you on?”
Motun: I said I was on his side.
James: And I told her, “If you’re on my side, don’t ever talk to me about getting a job again.”
I see.
Motun: The lead-up to our marriage was quite tumultuous, and I think he’s right in describing that incident as our biggest fight. The only thing that comes close has to be when he ignored me sexually and kept an attitude for three weeks. This happened a few months after we got married.
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Why?
James: I wanted sex a lot more.
Before we got married, we both had limited sexual experiences. So, when we finally became a couple, I wanted sex as frequently as I could get it. However, my wife wasn’t so keen on it.
I approached her one time, and she turned me down. So, I resorted to keeping to myself, ignoring her sexually and giving one-word responses. This went on for about two weeks until she asked what was happening. I wasn’t going to open up, but she persisted, and I was forced to communicate.
During that exchange, I realised that I was going about sex in a way that she didn’t really enjoy. I was a lot more about penetration without the foreplay, and this made sex less interesting for her.
Motun: I’ll add that we’ve had lots of issues about lack of boundaries with the opposite sex. I’ve said countless times that he’s lovable and approachable, but he tends not to know when to draw the line.
Imagine having private celebrations, and more ladies show up for him. This has been a big issue, but he gets the memo now.
How have these experiences shaped the way you manage conflicts in your relationship
James: There’s a lot more communication and understanding of each other’s approach to resolving conflict.
I’ve realised that she likes to sleep on issues when they happen so she can have enough time to process them. I, on the other hand, want to talk about them as soon as they happen. But I’ve also learned to be patient.
Do you need time because you’re conflict-avoidant, Motun?
Motun: No.
I think it’s just a case of taking my time to understand what has happened and be intentional about how I want to respond to it.
James: I’ve also realised that I’m always eager to resolve issues quickly because things tend to go wrong for me when we’re at loggerheads.
Please explain.
James: When we fight, I make stupid mistakes at work, become extremely forgetful and disoriented…all because my mind isn’t settled. I remember a scary incident in July 2023. I had an accident on my way after I angrily left the house following a disagreement. I lost control of the steering wheel because I wasn’t in the right state of mind.
So that’s why I like it when we squash the issues almost as soon as they surface.
Fair enough. How has being with each other changed you both?
James: Motun has taught me patience, and I’ve also learned not to react to everything that comes my way.
I said earlier that she takes her time to process situations before she responds properly—I find myself doing this more and more just by watching her day in and day out.
Motun: I’m continuing to unlearn my one-dimensional approach to life.
Being with James has shown me that I can always make room for the other important things in my life while chasing that one thing. I’m still a work in progress, but I’m much better than where I was before I met him.
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your love life?
James: I’d rate it a 10. I’ve realised that no matter what I’m going through in life or whatever differences we have, I always want to return to my wife every day.
Motun: I agree with his rating.
Whenever he goes to work or isn’t around, I sniff his clothes just to feel his presence. There’s a way his presence comforts me and makes me feel alive, and moments like that make it a solid 10 for me.
Even though Tinubu’s government doesn’t rate our medical experts like that, dating someone in the medical field is a huge flex. You get to have them as your fixer and Wikipedia for everything health-related.
Still, it’s not all roses and peaches. We asked Nigerians who have dated or are currently dating medical practitioners to tell us how it’s going, and they’ve got stories for days.
Kenny*
Dating someone in the medical field? Definitely not for everyone. It takes a reserve of patience and getting used to their constant absence. My partner’s schedule is insanely busy; sometimes, I wonder how he manages. He can be in really bad moods and blame it on the stress and pressure to perform at work. But I’ve learned that patience is key with him. I think what helps me forgive these things is the perks that come with dating him—he’s like my medical advisor. He’s on it whenever I need health advice and never jokes about my well-being.
Tayo*
I once dated someone in the medical field, and it wasn’t the best experience.
At first, everything was fine, but I started noticing she had an insatiable need for sex and would always want me to last longer. She suggested some injection that supposedly helps with lasting longer. I can’t remember the name, but she kept insisting, and soon, I was almost hooked on it. Plus, she had a cocktail of pills for different “ecstatic feels.” My life went way off course while we dated. I learned my lesson—never again.
Tope*
Medical doctors? Foolish people, and I’m not even sorry to say it. I’ve only dated two, but those experiences are enough for me. Both were emotionally absent and didn’t deserve my love. Honestly, it’s hard to recall all the details, and I’ve put those experiences behind me, but they were far from my best dating days. I’m healed now, so please don’t send me another doctor.
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Ayomide*
I had a casual, friends-with-benefits thing with a doctor. What I liked most was how attentive he was. If there was any slight headache, a minor change in body temperature, or a sign of fatigue, he’d take it seriously and wouldn’t rest until I was okay. When we went out, he was always particular about hygiene and how food was prepared. His house was honestly one of the neatest places I’ve ever been; it looked like he had a 24/7 cleaner on standby. But his obsession with cleanliness was extreme, and eventually, I knew I couldn’t handle it long-term.
Hassan*
My wife’s a doctor, and our relationship has gone through different stages. My biggest complaint when she was in med school was her lack of presence. We lived in the same area but could go weeks without seeing each other because she was either studying or in tutorials. She’d choose study groups over me; somehow, we still made it through that phase.
Presently it’s another wahala: “My patient this, my patient that”—she’s always about her patients, and I sometimes wonder where I fall on her priority list. I’ve mentioned a couple of times that she’ll need to create a better balance when we have kids. I respect her commitment, but our family will need to come first.
Joan*
Dating someone in med school is like having a personal storyteller with endless tea. I’m a big yapper, so it’s even better when he has unhinged stories about procedures, ward rounds, and everything in his world. I also watch a lot of medical series, so having someone share the real-life version makes mad sense.
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It’s easy AF to misread a kiss on the cheek or nose from that person you’ve lowkey got feelings for. But before you start attaching deep meanings, remember it could just be a platonic gesture showing they rate you.
If you’ve ever struggled to decode what a kiss means, this guide is all you need to understand the different types of kisses and what they mean.
A forehead kiss feels intimate but in a sweet rather than romantic way. It conveys affection, understanding, trust, and care and can be shared with anyone close to you—partners, friends, parents, or children.
Tip: A gentle forehead kiss can be comforting if you sense your partner is feeling low.
Hand kiss
Image: Aiteskitchen
A kiss on the hand signals interest in starting a relationship and, in many cultures, shows respect and admiration.
Tip: Kiss your partner’s hand mid-conversation to show you’re there for them.
French kiss
Image: Aiteskitchen
The French kiss is all about intensity and passion. It’s typically shared between people who are deeply attracted or in love.
Tip: Different people have unique preferences for a French kiss, so take time to learn your partner’s style and avoid dumping saliva in their mouths.
Top-of-the-head kiss
Image by Freepik.
A kiss on the top of the head reassures the person receiving it. It’s often used by family members like parents, but can also be meaningful when shared with a partner.
This kiss gives a sense of comfort and security.
Tip: To make the moment extra tender, hug your partner from behind and kiss the top of their head.
Earlobe kiss
An earlobe kiss is sensuous and usually meant to arouse your partner.
Tip: It gets ticklish, so you want to go slow and use less saliva.
Neck kiss
This kiss usually implies sexual attraction and is shared by partners with deep attraction for each other.
Tip: Try kissing along the nape and sides of your partner’s neck.
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Nose kiss
Image: Meta AI
This kiss involves gently rubbing the tips of each other’s noses. It’s often shared in a playful, affectionate way and is a sweet gesture for both partners and kids.
Tip: Watch out for head-bumping to avoid any awkward moments.
Cheek kiss
Image: Aiteskitchen
A cheek kiss can mean many things, from a platonic greeting with friends or family to a gentle show of affection toward someone you’re interested in. It’s also a popular greeting among acquaintances in many cultures.
Tip: If you’re wearing lipstick, be mindful when kissing someone on the cheek, especially in public, as it might leave a mark they don’t appreciate.
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The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
I met Glory in 2023, and we’ve been dating for about 11 months.
How did you two meet?
I’m a freelance graphic designer living in a university environment and often get design requests for birthday flyers. Glory and I have a mutual friend who sent me Glory’s picture so I could design one.
I liked what I saw and convinced the girl to send me Glory’s number to forward the flyer to her myself. She sent it, and I sent the flyer, wished Glory a happy birthday and offered to take her out to eat. I spent ₦10k that day on shawarma and drinks. We vibed, talked all night, and essentially became an item.
Just like that?
Yes. I told her I liked her, and she said she enjoyed talking to me. I didn’t ask her to be my girlfriend that night, but somehow, we knew we were dating by the end of the week.
Glory was even the first person to use the term “boyfriend”. Two weeks after we met, I came to her department building to see her. When she saw me, she waved me over and introduced me to her friends as her boyfriend. I remember being so excited that I had to consciously stop myself from shining my teeth in front of her friends.
Were you excited because she used “boyfriend”?
It was more because she seemed so proud to announce me. My last relationship was with a girl who never told anyone we were together, so it was a breath of fresh air. My ex claimed she hid me because she was a private person, but I realised that was a lie after finding out from a friend that she blocked me from viewing her WhatsApp status, where she constantly posted one G-boy who was spending money on her. I don’t really blame my ex sha. I was a broke student, so I guess she wanted better.
Was your financial situation any better when you started dating Glory?
Much better. I was in my NYSC year, but aside from the ₦33k stipend, I made money writing for blogs and designing. I had a steady client for the blog pieces then who paid me ₦35k/month, and I made extra ₦30k – ₦40k from graphic design. So, I felt confident and financially comfortable enough to pursue a relationship.
What about Glory? What was her financial situation?
She didn’t have a major income source as a student — she still doesn’t— but her parents supported her financially. I know that because when we started dating, I tried sending her money regularly. I always told her whenever I got paid, and would randomly send ₦10k here or ₦12k there.
I did that about three times in the first month, and she told me to calm down. She was like, “I’m not broke o. Stop sending money anyhow.” She made me understand that she’d tell me if she ever needed money, and she preferred that I save my money to do sensible things rather than spend it all on her.
Sounds like a keeper
That statement activated my mumu button. I reduced the money gifts and limited them to when she asked. But she likes going out and hanging out on the beach, so we went on beach dates and visited eateries. I paid for those dates.
My birthday was in February, and Glory bought me a cake and a wristwatch as my birthday gift. I bought her a ₦5k necklace for Valentine’s Day; she took us out to eat that day. We’ve mostly understood each other when it comes to money, but I think that’s been changing a bit since August.
How so?
Our finances have changed a lot. Glory lost her father, who was the family’s breadwinner, in June. Her mum is still trying to recover from funeral expenses, and Glory is always complaining about being broke. She’s in her final year now and needs money more than ever.
On my own end, I finished NYSC earlier this year, and my income hasn’t been stable. My steady client gets work from sites like Upwork and Fiverr and outsources some of his jobs to me. But jobs haven’t been as frequent; he says those sites are more competitive now. So, sometimes, I get only two gigs from him in a month that might not even reach ₦20k.
Graphic design has been my major income source for a while, and even with that, I struggle to make ₦60k. That’s hardly enough to do anything in this economy, and I still have rent to worry about. I squatted with a friend for free during NYSC, but I had to look for another option after we finished because his girlfriend wanted to move in. I’m sharing the room with another friend, but I still have to worry about my half of the rent, which is ₦150k.
Things are hard, and it makes it worse when my girlfriend complains because I can’t do a lot.
Damn. How has this affected your relationship?
Money has become a regular conversation for us now, and these conversations tend to get tense. One time, Glory complained about money as usual, and I tried to motivate her, but she got angry. She asked whether motivational words would bring the money to solve the problem. She apologised later, but I still feel bad.
I once told her that hearing about her financial situation made me feel inadequate, but she didn’t like that. She said it sounded like I didn’t want her to tell me what was going on and that if she couldn’t share with me, who else did she have?
Glory still says that she doesn’t expect me to provide all her needs, but I feel like there’s an unspoken expectation that I provide more than I currently do. I give her at least ₦5k monthly, and she often comes to eat at my place, but it’s like I’m not doing enough. I have this silent fear that she’ll find someone with more money and leave me for him.
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Hmm. I guess you haven’t spoken to her about this
How can I? It’ll just sound like insecurity. So, I just try to show my love as much as I can. I listen to her troubles and suggest solutions when needed. I also try to send money when I can afford to, and I still prioritise dates.
She has said she wants to start a thrift business, and I’m hoping I have money whenever she’s ready. I won’t fund the whole thing — she plans to speak with her uncle to dash her some money — but I hope to support her with something.
I hope it works out. Do you have a financial safety net?
I have ₦80k in a savings app, and that money is only there because Glory has warned me not to touch it so I can have something for rent. I’m currently job hunting for a steady salary to bank on. Once I get that, I can think about saving beyond rent.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I’d like both of us to have stable income sources so we can look at a better future together. A future where we can rent a place together, go on vacation to beach resorts around Nigeria and be free to be intentional with gifting. Glory’s phone is bad, and I’ve fantasised about changing it for her, but I definitely can’t do that now.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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Wondering if your female colleague sees you as just another work friend or if she’s low-key catching feelings? Whether you’re her male or female co-worker, the signs she likes you—romantically or platonically—can be easy to miss while y’all are slaving away for capital. That’s why we’ve compiled 20 telltale signs on how to know if a girl likes you at work to help you figure out where you stand.
Let’s get into it.
How to know a female co-worker likes you as a platonic friend
She’s always at your desk
If you’ve got a female colleague who loves dropping by your side of the office, she’s probably into your company.
She’s always starting conversations
If she actively seeks you out to chat about work and personal interests, it’s likely because she enjoys conversing with you.
Wants to walk home together
Nothing screams “I rate you” quite like a colleague who wants to walk home with you after a long day at work. It’s heavy on the grown-up primary school bestie vibes.
She cares about your feeding
If she’s using her hard-earned salary to buy your lunch or always checking if you’ve eaten, it’s a sign that she cares about you.
How to know your female co-worker likes you as a platonic female friend
She knows when it’s your time of the month
If she notices it’s that time of the month and goes the extra mile to ease your day or offers to take on some of your workload, this girl is bestie material.
She calls you “bestie” and not your real name
Bonus points if your colleagues also call you “Esther’s bestie” instead of your actual government name.
She takes restroom breaks with you
Remember back in school when you suddenly had to go to the restroom because your bestie was granted a bathroom pass? It’s the same here.
She likes pushing for sleepovers
That’s likely because she’s not just about the office vibes; she also wants to know you outside the confines of capitalism.
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How to know if a female co-worker likes you romantically as a guy
She finds excuses to touch you
Even if the workplace isn’t the most ideal place for PDA, she’ll always manage to place a hand on your shoulder or tap you when she wants your attention.
She’s interested in your love life
If she’s always asking questions about your dating or relationship status, there’s a chance she’s trying to figure out if there’s room for her.
She invites you to out-of-office hangouts
If she’s calling for beach or movie hangouts, or wanting to introduce you to her favourite amala spot, she’s probably open to more than just work friendship.
Her friends know about you
If she’s introducing you to her friends, she might be checking to see if you’d make a good friend… or a great partner.
How to know if your female co-worker likes you romantically as a girl
She’s curious about your sexuality
If she’s suddenly interested in your sexual orientation, she’s likely testing the waters for common ground.
She gets jealous when you hang out with the other work girlies
This might be an indication that she doesn’t want to share your company with someone else, especially not the other 101 hot girls in the office.
She flirts A LOT
If she stares deeply into your eyes, brushes imaginary dirt off your clothes, or “accidentally” dusts off your shoulder, she’s not here just for “work bestie” status.
She remembers everything
You casually mention hating onions, and now she’s practically ready to pick a fight with HR if they add onion rings to the snack options. She’s got you memorised like the lines on her palms? And that’s something.
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