The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
I’ve been with my primary partner for eight months, but I just started seeing my secondary partner last month. It’s not serious sha.
Hollup
Haha. Me and my primary partner, Ola*, are in an open relationship. It’s actually my first open relationship. Before Ola, I struggled with relationships and commitment because I easily get attracted to people, and monogamy felt like a trap. Like I had to force myself to stick to one person while pretending I didn’t find other women attractive. It didn’t sit right with me.
So, when I realised Ola felt the same way, I knew I’d found my person.
How did you meet Ola?
We met on a mutual friend’s WhatsApp group. It was a group for bants, and Ola was the babe who was constantly dropping an opinion.
One day, she was arguing with someone else about feminism. I DM’ed her to say I agreed with her, but I thought she should tone it down because she was starting to do too much. She immediately cleared me and told me never to enter her DM to say rubbish again.
I’m screaming
I apologised, and we made up. We started talking often, and within a few weeks, we were in a talking stage. That’s how I knew her position on relationships. She’s polyamorous and doesn’t believe in monogamous relationships.
We transitioned from the talking stage to a proper relationship after we met each other for the first time, about two months into the talking stage. We wanted to make sure we were sexually compatible before committing to a relationship.
So, how does your relationship work?
Ola and I laid down the ground rules when we became official. We’d tell each other before getting involved with anyone else and not try to hide any parts of the relationship with that person because that would make it cheating.
Ola is also very against threesomes, so she doesn’t want to meet any woman I’m sleeping with. That’s not a problem for me because most of my other partners have just been hookups that last for a few weeks at most.
Sometimes, I tell these hookups about my girlfriend. Other times, I don’t because some ladies find it difficult to agree that my girlfriend is okay with me being with someone else. The lady I’m currently with, Amy* knows about Ola. Amy also has a boyfriend, so it’s more like a friends-with-benefits situation.
How do finances work in your relationship?
To be honest, an open relationship is expensive. I like treating my women to a good time, so whenever I’m with someone, I pull out all the stops to make sure they’re comfortable. I can’t take a woman out on a date and expect her to pay.
The typical expenses are restaurant dates and cab fees, which can run into ₦80k. I share my apartment with a friend, so sometimes I also pay for hotels to avoid inconveniencing my friend. That’s usually between ₦25k – ₦30k.
Ola is in university, so we aren’t always in the same city. Whenever she’s around —thrice since we became official— we go on dates, explore Ibadan, or even visit Lagos. Ola loves the outdoors. The last time she came around, we travelled to visit Lekki Conservation Centre.
The two-day trip plus accommodation cost close to ₦100k, and Ola paid around ₦40k of that amount. That’s another thing about Ola — I like spending on her and don’t expect her to pay for anything, but before I blink, aunty has opened wallet and brought out her card. She doesn’t mind paying for shared dates, but I always try to beat her to it.
What’s Ola’s financial situation like?
She’s a student and works as a social media manager. I’m not exactly sure how much she earns, but I know she also gets an allowance from her parents. I suspect she’s much richer than I am. She’s always telling me how I need to be more financially disciplined and save more so my savings can save me one day.
I’m the more impulsive spender between the two of us, and she’s made it a personal mission to change me.
Have your spending habits ever caused conflicts between you two?
Oh yes. Since Ola knows about my other relationships, she also has an idea of how much I spend on them, and she often gets upset. She feels I’m just throwing money away, which has led to a few arguments.
I tell Ola that her objections make it difficult for me to share details of my other relationships because I don’t want to receive a financial lecture, and she feels I’m just making excuses.
I also sometimes struggle to get her gifts because she complains about how much I spend. During her birthday in August, I got her a wig from an Instagram vendor and thought I was the best boyfriend in the world. But Ola complained that the wig was too expensive for ₦108k. She said she knew where to get it cheaper. In my head, I was thinking, “Just collect this thing and keep quiet.”
So yeah, there are the random communication gaps and arguments here and there, but we work through them. No relationship is perfect.
Do you have a financial safety net, though?
I try to save at least ₦40k monthly for my emergency savings. I also sometimes get freelance gigs. When they come, I direct my earnings to my savings account. Sometimes, I spend out of that account, but I try to be reasonable about it.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
We’re still in the very early stages of our relationship, so I’m not thinking that far yet. But for me personally, I hope to earn enough to afford japa in the next five years.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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How did you meet Tayo*?
Neema: We met online after a mutual friend, Derin*, posted my picture on my 20th birthday in 2016. Tayo* saw the picture, liked what he saw, and tracked down my Snapchat username. It was easy for him to find my handle since it was in my Instagram bio. He added me, sent a message on Snapchat, and that’s how everything took off.
He was turning 19 that year, but I didn’t mind. As soon as we started talking, there was an immediate attraction between us, and we started talking to each other regularly.
So you guys started dating immediately?
Neema: No, we stayed close friends. At the time, Tayo was shuffling between Kwara and Lagos, while I was in the UK. He was easy to talk to, and we bonded over our mutual love for music since we were both musicians.
Later that year, I came to Nigeria for a holiday. During my one-month stay, we met in person and officially became a long-distance couple in August.
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What happened next?
Neema: I went back to the UK to continue my studies, and in 2016, Tayo got a scholarship to a UK university and moved over too. But we were in different cities, so it was still a long-distance relationship. Despite that, we were best friends even though we were in a relationship. Still, our situation was a little complex.
What made it complex?
Neema: There was a sudden pressure to get married. Our church and families were very important fixtures in our lives, and we also worked as youth pastors. Before our relationship was two years old, they started asking questions about marriage. The pressure to walk down the aisle was overwhelming and honestly, scary.
Why?
Neema: I had my reservations. We had a big argument at the end of our first year together and briefly broke up before getting back together. I felt like our relationship was still “soft”, but his family kept pushing for marriage.
I’m a British citizen, so their reasoning was, “Okay, you guys are going to end up together anyway, so what’s the point in delaying this whole thing? You guys should get married so he doesn’t have to return to Nigeria.”
It was a traumatising situation for me because I didn’t want to get married at 22. My mind wasn’t there at all, but I loved him and convinced myself I could help him avoid the stress of going back to Nigeria. I was uneasy about this, but I kept trying to justify it in my mind.
Was your family pressuring you to marry him as well?
Neema: There was no pressure from my family. In fact, some of my relatives were against it, especially my aunt, who I was living with. It caused a big fight between us. I know I said I wasn’t keen on getting hitched, but at the same time, I couldn’t understand why she was so angry. I felt like she had her own agenda because we already had issues involving money and other family matters. Anyway, towards the end of our second year together, Tayo and I broke up again.
Ah, why?
Neema: We’d been going through a really rough patch. We argued a lot more than we used to, and eventually, parted ways. During the breakup, I found out he’d cheated multiple times while we were together. I got this information from people close to us in the church. I forgave him though, and we got back together despite everything.
So he proposed after you found out about the infidelity?
Neema: Not particularly. He never actually proposed. Because of the pressure from the church and his family, we agreed to move forward with marriage since we loved each other. I had forgiven him, and we both wanted to move past the cheating and start our lives together as a couple.
Okay, so talk to me about the wedding. How did that go?
Neema: It never happened. We had just entered the third year of our relationship, and the marriage thing was becoming real. We’d bought the wedding dress and rings, sent out invites, notified the church, and planned everything else. In fact, Tayo and I had gone to the registry to finalise our preparations for the wedding. Even my aunt who had opposed the idea initially, eventually backed off and became more accepting.
Three weeks before the wedding, my church organised a week-long retreat in Wales I had to attend because of my leadership role. On the way back from the retreat, one of the girls in the church confided in one of the other pastors on the trip that Tayo had been hosting her at his house. That wouldn’t have been an issue since we hosted our church members often. But she revealed that he tried to kiss her and made other advances.
My head was hot. I felt more irritated than angry because I’d put up with so much from him. For him to act so brazenly, especially to the people who were under our care as leaders, was disgusting. The pastor who brought it to my attention was a good friend and called me as soon as she heard.
Immediately after I got off the phone with the pastor, I confronted him, and he confessed. The church reached out to us and said that because he was a pastor who made advances at one of our members, we couldn’t move forward with the wedding. By then, I had already lost all interest, so the church just did what was on my mind.
How did all this make you feel?
Neema: Honestly, I felt a sense of relief. I wasn’t completely sure that getting married at 22 was something I wanted to do anyway. The other parts of winding down a wedding that was no longer happening weren’t as bad as I thought it would be. Returning the dress, rings, and belongings we shared, felt mechanical. Since we were rushing to marry before he finished school, we hadn’t spent a lot. All I lost were some deposits to catering and decor vendors, but I’m fine with that.
What did you do after that?
Neema: I took a year off to collect myself and went back for my masters. In 2021, I moved to Lagos to focus on my music. Tayo moved back to Nigeria in 2019, but I’ve had nothing to do with him ever since. And frankly, I’m not interested.
There’s always something new to try in the pursuit of love these days. Dating apps might seem like they’ve been around for a long time, but what kinds of experiences are women having as they search for the love of their lives? We spoke to four Nigerian women to get the inside gist.
Susu*(24)
I matched with a “woman” on Tinder, and we connected because we were both polyamorous. Let’s call her “Rewa”. At first, it seemed cool, but after a while, the texts got weird. She wasn’t asking me any questions about myself or trying to know me better. She just kept asking man-related questions like, “Have you ever been with a man?” “Would you like to try xyz with a man?” I lost interest and blocked her.
Later, my bisexual friend matched with her too, and they got talking. When Rewa confirmed my friend’s bisexuality, she revealed that she was actually a man! Apparently, he has a queer wife but likes to sleep with the women first before introducing them to his wife. My friend blocked him ASAP, it was too weird.
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Dara*(27)
Dating apps are so useless. I joined one earlier this year, and the only people who kept matching with me were yahoo boys. One time, it took me so long to know this dude was doing petty fraud because he was well-spoken, not pushy and cute. Then one day, he asked me to help him speak to a “client” which I found weird because we weren’t even in the same field. But love is blind abi?
He convinced me anyway, and as soon as the “client” called and asked, “Are you really Isabella?” I just knew what was going on. I hung up and blocked both of them. It’s so irritating how you can’t even start a genuine connection on these apps. I’ve deleted my profile. I don tire.
Seun*(24)
I met a really nice guy on one of these dating apps. We got close really quickly and started talking almost every day. When my birthday came up, he insisted on doing something special even though we had only known each other for a few weeks. I agreed, thinking he meant something intimate. He then asked me to invite my friends and other people till it became a party of ten of us.
We went to a restaurant to eat and towards the end of the meal, he said he needed to step out for a quick call. That was the last I saw of him. I had to pay for everyone’s meal that night even though I couldn’t afford it. I was left wondering why he would do that. I tried calling and texting him afterwards, but he didn’t respond and blocked me everywhere. I’m still traumatised by that event, and I’ve sworn off dating apps till further notice.
Tolu*(26)
I unknowingly matched with a married man and didn’t find out until his wife sent me threatening messages. It was awful because we had gone on three or four dates and I thought we were becoming something real. Then, out of nowhere, I get this barrage of messages on WhatsApp accusing me of being a homewrecker. I blocked the crazy fool and his wife before I got attacked in public.
Over the weekend, Nigerian filmmaker Kunle Afolayan and his brother, Aremu, settled their age-long dispute during their mother’s funeral. Watching the Afolayan brothers reconcile got me searching for people who have cut ties entirely with their siblings or are struggling with fractured relationships.
In this story, Rahman* shares how years of favouritism, resentment, and unresolved family issues led him to cut off his only sister after their parents’ demise eight years ago.
As told to Adeyinka
Fifteen years have passed since I last saw my sister at our parents’ funeral. Since then, we’ve silently agreed to stay out of each other’s lives. It hurts sometimes—knowing she’s out there, living her life, while I live mine. But over the years, I’ve accepted that some relationships aren’t meant to be.
You’d have to rewind to my childhood to understand how we got here. We were never close, not even as children. The age gap between us was wide—she was nearly a decade older, always ahead in a world I struggled to understand. By the time I was old enough to start primary school, she was already in secondary school. When I started dreaming about university, she was already wearing her graduation cap. Our age gap alone might have been enough to keep us distant, but our parents’ favouritism drove a wedge between us. They adored her, and their pride was evident in every word about her achievements. It felt like they’d placed her on a high pedestal I could only watch from the sidelines.
It wasn’t that they didn’t love me—they did, in their way. But their love came with constant comparisons. “Why can’t you be more like her?” was a question I heard more times than I’d like to remember. She excelled effortlessly while I struggled to find my path. She was the star of our family, and while I wasn’t exactly a black sheep, I was close to one.
By my late teens, resentment had taken root. She went to university, the first in our family, while I struggled to gain admission. Two failed exams were also reminders of the growing gap between us. While I sat at home grappling with feelings of inadequacy, she was thriving. She graduated before I even set foot on campus. By the time I finally gained admission, she was married with a child on the way.
It wasn’t just my parents’ favouritism that drove us apart—it was how it shaped her attitude toward me. In the early years, she was kind. But over time, that kindness fizzled out. “You need to try harder,” she’d say whenever my parents outsourced their never-ending pep talk to her. When I finally started achieving things—earning my degree, getting a job—it never felt like enough. By then, she’d moved on to bigger milestones, leaving me in her shadow once again.
For all their good intentions, our parents never tried to mend the growing rift. They seemed to think time would heal the wounds, that blood would be enough to pull us back together. Even as they aged and their health began to decline, they avoided addressing the fractures in our relationship. Once, I tried talking to my father about it. He said, “You’ll figure it out. Siblings always do.” But we didn’t. If anything, his silence made the divide worse.
When our parents’ health worsened, I hoped it might bring us closer. Instead, it only showed how far apart we were. She took control of hospital visits and finances. I tried to help, but my offers were dismissed with a curt, “It’s fine. I’ve got it.” It felt like she didn’t trust me, as though I were still the fumbling younger brother who couldn’t get anything right.
The day of the funeral was the last time we spoke. We exchanged pleasantries like strangers. There was no warmth, no shared grief—just two people carrying their versions of loss. When it came time to settle the estate, we handled everything through lawyers. Once the paperwork was done, so were we.
At first, the silence was unsettling. I’d find myself wanting to call her, to share a memory about our parents or ask how she was doing. But each time, I hesitated. What would I even say? How do you bridge a gap that took decades to form? Over time, the silence became easier, even comforting. It felt like a relief not having to navigate the minefield of our relationship anymore.
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Still, there are moments when it hurts. Watching siblings laugh together or support each other during tough times stirs something in me. I wonder what it would be like to have that bond—to call her and know she’d answer, to feel like we were on the same team for once. But those moments pass quickly. For the most part, I’ve made peace with the distance.
Looking back, it feels like our relationship was doomed from the start. The age gap, the favouritism, and the constant comparisons created a storm we didn’t know how to weather. Our parents’ refusal to confront these issues only fueled the fire. By the time they were gone, there was nothing left to salvage.
Do I miss her? Sometimes. Do I think about reaching out? Occasionally. But then I remember the years of resentment, the sharp words, and the heavy silences. I think about the life I’ve built without her—a life that feels whole, even if incomplete. And I wonder if reopening that door would bring healing or more pain.
Not all relationships are meant to last forever. It’s a hard truth but one I’ve come to accept. Loving someone from a distance doesn’t mean you don’t care—it just means you’ve chosen peace over chaos. And for now, that’s enough for me.
So you’ve finally gathered your coins to buy matching PJs for you and the LOYL, but you’re still endlessly scrolling through Instagram for the perfect pose to break the internet? Don’t worry—we get how important it is to nail that grand matching PJ debut, so here are some inspirations for you and yours.
The “boju boju”
Photo: X (@gingerstiff)
We know he already put a ring on it and is yours for life. But then again, these streets aren’t safe during the Detty December season. Protect what’s yours, especially if he’s the next best thing after hot banga and starch.
The unaware
It doesn’t matter that y’all intentionally wore matching PJs, set up a camera and ring light, and strolled to the kitchen for candid shots. Just do it for the plot.
You and I
Go for this matching pyjamas pose if you want a picture that shows you and the LOYL are locked in for life, but you also want to flaunt the leather headboard in your bedroom and your huge wedding ring.
The goofball
If you want strangers on the internet to save your pictures unprovoked because you’ve given them an idea of what it means to be a cute goofball, this is the pose.
Very cutesy, very demure
Go for this one if you want to play it safe. You can send it to your parents, in-laws, spiritual fathers and mothers, aunties and uncles, and they’ll only have one thing to say: “This is so cute.”
The soul stare
What better way to convince people that you see the world and beyond in each other’s eyes?
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The segzcellency
So you want the world to know that you and the LOYL can go off each other’s pants anywhere, anytime? This is the one for you.
The big babies
Your comment section will be filled with comments like, “OMG, they’re so cute.”
We don’t care
Photo: Instagram (@nkechiblessingsunday)
Lowkey, you and the LOYL thirst for the social media attention AF but you want to casually play it down like we wouldn’t notice. Anyway, this is the pose for you.
The territory marker
Photo: Instagram (@stuchbeddings)
This is the one if your only intention for agreeing to the shoot is to let the women from your man’s previous lives “Back TF off.”
We’ve already told you what it’s like to date a doctor, lawyer, and artiste. This time, we’re focusing the lens on photographers.
What’s it like to be with someone who spends their days (and nights) chasing the perfect shot? We spoke to six Nigerians who’ve been there and done that, and here’s what they had to say.
Chinwe*
When I met my husband in the late early 2000s, photography wasn’t the glamorous profession it is today. He’d attend events with his bulky camera and film rolls, but people rarely saw him as “serious.” I was working as a teacher at the time, and our finances were tight. I’ll never forget the times he’d beg couples to let him photograph their weddings for ₦5,000 or how we couldn’t afford a decent Christmas because clients didn’t pay on time.
Despite the financial struggles, I was his biggest cheerleader. When he had doubts about continuing, I reminded him of his talent. Today, I smile when I see young photographers with drones and sleek cameras charging what we could only dream of back then. My husband eventually transitioned to another career, but I’ll always remember the hustle we shared and how those moments taught us resilience.
Aisha*
My husband and I fell in love while figuring out life after university. He was a budding wedding photographer, and while I adored his passion, my parents weren’t so impressed. They’d ask, “How will he take care of you with this camera work?” I tried to defend him, but deep down, I worried too.
Fast-forward to now, and he’s moved abroad, where he’s making a great living from photography. My parents have gone from doubters to bragging about him to their friends. But it’s not all rosy. What drives me mad is how “friendly” he gets with his female clients. He’ll spend hours hyping them up to make them “comfortable,” and I can’t lie—I get jealous sometimes. I trust him, but I’ve told him he needs to find a balance.
Tolu*
My girlfriend is an incredible photographer. She makes people look like celebrities on a budget. But if there’s one thing that gets her upset, it’s me asking her to take my photos for free. The first time I did it, I thought I was joking. She didn’t laugh.
She told me I was undermining her craft and that I’d treat her like any other professional if I respected her. I get it now, and I’ve started paying for her services when needed. She still surprises me with random free shoots, but I’ve learned that being with her means respecting her work.
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Sade*
My boyfriend is an events photographer, and while I love his passion, dating him feels like being in a relationship with his clients, too. If he’s not shooting an event till 2 a.m., he’s at home editing pictures for clients who want their albums yesterday. One time, we were supposed to have a date, but he cancelled last minute because a client “needed their pictures immediately.” I ended up going out alone and sulking the entire time.
Then there’s the issue of payment—or lack of it. I hate hearing things like, “I’ll pay you next week,” or, “This gig will bring exposure.” Exposure doesn’t pay rent, and it definitely won’t buy food.
I know he’s trying his best, though. Recently, I started helping him with invoicing and contracts, so clients take him more seriously. He’s also learning to set boundaries with clients, which means fewer late-night edits. It’s still a work in progress, but I’m rooting for him.
Funmi*
My husband is a fashion photographer, and let me tell you—marrying someone who works in the creative industry is a different ballgame. Lagos Fashion Week? Forget seeing him for a whole week. He’s surrounded by models, designers, and endless photo shoots, and I have to remind myself that I signed up for this life.
That said, there are challenges that come with his line of work. The house constantly looks like a photography studio. I’ve tripped over lighting equipment on my way to the kitchen more times than I can count, and he always responds with, “Babe, creativity needs chaos.” One time, I walked into our bedroom to find a mannequin wearing one of my scarves. I nearly screamed.
But I’ll admit, I love seeing him in his element. Watching him direct models and bring their visions to life is amazing. And despite the chaos, he never forgets to hype me up—I’m his favourite subject in front of the camera, and every time he takes my picture, it reminds me why I fell in love with him.
Daniel*
Dating a photographer sounds cool until you realise you’re constantly competing with their camera. My girlfriend is always editing, planning shoots, or meeting clients, and it sometimes feels like I’m playing second fiddle to her passion. She tells me photography isn’t just a job for her—it’s her calling—but there are days I wonder if I’ll ever measure up.
One time, I convinced her to spend the weekend with me without her camera. It felt amazing having her undivided attention for the first time in months. But on Sunday evening, she started pacing around, saying she was behind on editing. I could see how stressed she was, and we ended up having a long conversation about how to balance her career and our relationship.
She’s trying now—she schedules breaks so we can spend quality time together, and I’ve learned to be more supportive. It’s not perfect, but seeing her happy when she’s behind the lens makes it worth the effort.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Chidi: I met Oma during a class rep interview in January 2023. I was the department’s president, and I had to conduct the class rep election for first-year students. She was one of the aspirants. Her delivery during her interview was excellent. She made my seemingly difficult questions look easy, so I asked harder ones, but she still aced them.
Oma: I’d just gained admission to university, and I contested for the class rep position in my department because I was interested in politics. I noticed him sitting inside the department’s secretariat while interviewing candidates. In my mind, I thought, “He seems calm, like someone determined but collected.” I also noticed his eyes—they were pretty, although I never told him this.
Chidi: I later found out she’d authored some novels. I was like, “Author as how? Aren’t you in year one?”
In that moment, I thought, “I like this one. She’s the kind of lady I’d want to be with.” I even said a silent prayer to God about her. But then I heard her age, and I took a step back.
How old was she?
Chidi: She was 16 — a few days away from her 17th birthday, though I didn’t know that yet.
I see. So what happened next?
Chidi: She won the election. I wanted to help her get acquainted with the new role and offered to answer questions she might have, and she had many. We started talking more often; we’d always meet around the department, and she’d have a question or two for me.
Oma: I had challenges with the role, and whenever I had a problem, I’d call or text him for advice. I remember one morning when I called him about a tutorial issue. He gave directions, and we ended up laughing together on the phone. That was when I realised I was starting to like him.
The next time we spoke, he explained that during his first year, he had a senior colleague who helped him navigate those early days, and that’s what he was trying to do for me. After he said that, I reminded myself that he was only trying to be helpful, and I shouldn’t see his actions as anything more. From then on, we didn’t let our conversations get personal. It was strictly school-related. Even then, he started pulling away, and I noticed it. Although I didn’t do anything about it, it made me sad. I value my self-respect, and I was more than willing to return the energy if he wanted space.
Why did you take a step back, Chidi?
Chidi: I would say it was her age and personal boundaries. For one, I felt being a guardian would help her avoid mistakes I made during my early years.
At the same time, I wasn’t a fan of interacting too much with junior students because I didn’t want a “see finish” situation.
Still, with her, it was different. She had my mumu button. Anytime she called, I was eager to see how I could help. A part of me also wanted her in my circle just because she seemed really smart.
Did you notice when she started withdrawing from you?
Chidi: I didn’t. I just knew that we weren’t so close, and on my part, I knew I was deliberately keeping a distance. I wanted her to mix with other people in school and not be boxed around me since I was among the first connections she made.
Fair. So, how did the relationship evolve from mentor/mentee to something else?
Oma: It was gradual. We had lengthy phone calls once every three or four months because he’d graduated and wasn’t around the school premises often. At this point, we’d started broaching other topics that weren’t about school, even though we’d still not gotten to talking about our personal lives.
I’d see an interesting video or tweet and send it to him to get his thoughts. At this point, our dynamics had slowly shifted from mentor/mentee to friends. Also, we started talking more frequently. I was pretty happy about the change. He’s such a smart person, and I wanted to have him in my circle for support. I also didn’t want him as a “senior colleague”, I wanted him as a friend.
Chidi: Yes, we didn’t really talk when I was in my final year. Then I graduated, and we started talking a whole lot more. She would ask if she could call, and we would talk for hours, discussing everything from academics to her social activities in school and other pockets of gossip.
But I think the big change for me came in May 2024. I bumped into her during my clearance, and her excitement was so evident that my friend teased me, saying, “This babe likes you. See the way she was looking at you.”
That night, I called her, and we talked for hours. I was trying to figure out if she was still single—and she was.
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I’m curious. What was your relationship status at the time, Chidi?
Chidi: I’d been single most of my life, except for a six-month stint in secondary school. I had crushes here and there, but those never became anything more because I realised we wanted different things. I was wary of being with the wrong person.
So, what happened after you found out she was single?
Chidi: In May, I asked her if she liked me. She said she didn’t want to answer the question, and I felt she was offended. I also thought I had ruined our friendship.
Oma: I wasn’t sure if he liked me, so I didn’t answer the question. I’m not one to tell you I like you if I don’t know you feel the same way. Moreover, I wanted to be patient and let us continue as friends. I’d never been in a relationship before, but as a firm believer in best friends making the best partners, I wanted to focus on building a friendship with him.
I knew that if I told him I liked him, it would change the dynamics of our friendship, and I didn’t want that. I’ve always fantasised about being with someone who loves me as deeply as I love them. We hadn’t gotten to that point at that moment.
Chidi: Anyway, we remained friends, asking questions to test our ideologies, and getting to know each other better. Then, in October, she tweeted that she was going to tell a guy that she liked him. My heart skipped because somehow, I knew it was me. After the tweet, I got a text from her saying, “Can we jump on a call tonight?”
How did the call go?
Oma: When I made that tweet, I was telling my friends how much I liked this guy and how it felt like I’d die from the crush. My friends encouraged me to “go for it!” I remember saying in my heart, “God, I like this person so much my chest is overflowing with it, and I cannot keep it anymore lest I run mad…so I must tell him. God, I must tell him.”
I called him that evening and tried to lighten the mood by asking him how he was. I was basically yapping. And then, out of the blue, I was like, “Fuck it. I like you. Do you like me too?”
He started telling me stories of how he had noticed me since the first day he saw me, and I was like, “Bruv! That’s not what I want to know. DO YOU LIKE ME TOO?”
I was eager to find out because my friends had told me that if he didn’t feel the same way, we could buy ice cream, eat and cry together, and I’d get over it. So, I wanted him to get to the point so I could know my fate. It was also my first time telling someone I liked them. Like actually going after someone I wanted…so I was scared.
Anyway, he finally got to the point and said he liked me since the first time he saw me. I was like, “Sharp!”
Chidi: She called and started talking about her friend. In my mind, I was like “Is this why we are here? Go straight to the point.”
After she told me she liked me, I told her I’d always liked her, but I was waiting for her to graduate before telling her.
Before then, we had a conversation about grooming, and that was when I learned not to think or assume for her.
Tell me more about this conversation
Chidi: I shared this Zikoko’s story to hear her thoughts on. I’d always assumed that the five-year age gap between us was a lot and could be perceived as a case of grooming.
However, Oma tells me, “It’s not actually five, but four years and three months.” She then explained the difference between age-gap relationships and grooming and shared more resources on what grooming is. During the conversation, I was in awe of her level of intellect and knew we would be together.
Oma: Most people feel that when there’s a certain age gap, the older partner has somehow manipulated the younger one into the relationship. I explained to Chidi that as long as both partners are adults with pure intentions toward each other and choose to be in a relationship, then it’s fine.
When it comes to grooming, there’s often malicious or manipulative intent from the older partner towards the other, but that’s not our reality. Regardless of the age gap, we have pure intentions toward each other. Nobody is manipulating the other. I know what I want, and I know what I’m doing. People can have age gaps and still respect and love themselves in their relationships. I believe that’s what we have.
How do you recognise these pure intentions, Oma?
Oma: I’m spiritually sensitive. I sense energy and often see people’s true intentions in my dreams. This has been happening since I was little—I dream about something, and it comes to pass. There were people I could have dated, but spiritually, I never saw them in a good light, so I didn’t pursue those relationships. I firmly believe the spiritual governs the physical.
With Chidi, before we even started dating, I remember writing in my diary, “I get the energy and feeling that he genuinely cares about me.”
My dreams about him were positive, and that’s how I know he has pure intentions toward me. As for myself, I know my intentions for him are equally genuine.
Beyond my dreams and intellect, I have older friends—women who are mothers and far more experienced. I talk to them often, and they’re honest with me, even when my feelings might cloud my judgment. They’ve helped me see things I might have overlooked. Between their guidance, my dreams, and the way I pay attention to even the smallest actions, I’m confident I’d know if this relationship wasn’t right or has an element of grooming.
Chidi, you mentioned pulling away earlier due to Oma’s age. Did you think approaching her was grooming then?
Chidi: I think older guys sometimes use their experience to lure and manipulate younger girls, and I hate it so much. The “catch them young” bullshit.
At the time, I felt a 21-year-old guy dating a 16-year-old girl was different from a 28-year-old guy dating a 23-year-old lady. So, for me, time was the most important factor. I wasn’t going to have anything with someone under 18, and I preferred to wait until we were ready, and I think I can say we are now.
Were you ever bothered by the age gap, Oma?
Oma: I wasn’t. I told a close friend of mine, and she said, “The age gap is okay.” But even if my friend hadn’t supported it, I wouldn’t have cared. I’ve always believed that one can have an age-gap relationship with love, respect, and peace of mind, while a relationship with someone your age could be full of chaos.
So, no, the age gap never really bothered me. What mattered most was that I felt heard, seen and cared for.
Right. Talk to me about when things became official
Chidi: I asked her out in October. It was surreal to be with someone who ticked all my boxes finally—she’s kind, career-oriented and really intelligent. And to think that we agree on almost everything, I’d say that I won for real.
Oma: I was excited and scared; I’d never dated anyone before. I’ve always been so focused on my life and goals, but I’m glad about how everything went.
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So, what has the last month been like?
Oma: We’ve been taking things easy and slow. It’s important we stay patient with everything, including our relationship. We’ve been talking and laughing, and above all, we’ve been friends. The friendship makes our relationship easy and chill for me. I like it. Anytime I remind myself we’re friends, it calms my heart.
Chidi: I agree that things have been pretty chill. I’m learning how to communicate better and not assume for her. I love how patient and super supportive she is.
Patience is something you both hammer on. What’s that about?
Chidi: This is our first relationship as adults, and since we’re also invested in being friends, we don’t want to push things too fast and get overwhelmed. We don’t want a situation where we lose the relationship and friendship. So, we’ve decided to do everything at our own pace. The visits and “how far” we can go in the relationship whenever we meet. I think it has made us not lose ourselves now that we’re dating.
Oma: We stay in different states. So, rather than rushing to see each other, we’re focusing on our goals. I’m focusing on my studies and career as a creative. We’re not putting a timeline on anything. We don’t have to rush the back-to-back dates, physical hangouts and such. It’s also a long-distance relationship, and I’m happy with how it’s going so far.
Speaking of long distance. How do you both plan to make things work?
Chidi: For now, we text every day and call from time to time. Last week, we had our longest call ever—eight hours.
Oma: We’ll probably meet next year. But for now, as he mentioned, we communicate a lot via phone calls and texts. It has made the long distance easier for us.
What’s the best thing about being together, and what comes to mind when you think about the future of this relationship?
Oma: I love his laughter. For some reason, I could sit down and listen to him laugh. It’s crazy. But aside from that, my favourite thing about being with Chidi is how he makes me feel heard and seen.
Our future looks promising. There’s no need to worry; it’s in God’s hands.
Chidi: I love how we support each other’s goals. Oma has lofty goals—she’s a multi-disciplinary artist who writes, sings and films. She’s a published author at 18, and plans to get her masters and PhD in creative writing. I constantly remind her that I’m her number one fan, rooting for her to do all the amazing things she can think of.
With her, the future excites me a lot. In my head, we are married, living the power couple life and bringing out the best in each other.
Oma: I always think of things in the long term, and that’s why I haven’t dated anyone until now. I don’t have time to waste getting attached to someone I see no future with. I see things in the long term with him, and marriage would be chill.
On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your love life?
Chidi: It’s a 10 because she ticks all my boxes. I love how she’s career-driven, her feminist views, and our similar views on almost every topic. I never wanted to end up with an opposition, and I’m glad she’s not one.
Oma: Even if we have opposing views, we’d respectfully share our views and respect each other’s thoughts.
I’ll give us a 9.5. The missing 0.5 is because this still feels like new territory for me. I sometimes feel nervous because I’ve never done anything like this before. But I also know it gets better, and we’ll be good.
It’s almost that time of the year again when everyone is scrambling to send heartfelt messages to their loved ones who made the year awesome. Can’t wax lyrical to save your life? Don’t worry; we’ve got you covered. Whether it’s family, your boo, your boss, or your friends, we’ve compiled the best Merry Christmas wishes that’ll make them smile at their phones.
Merry Christmas wishes for your family
“Merry Christmas to the most amazing family ever. May this season bring us closer together, fill our hearts with love, and remind us why we’re each other’s biggest blessings. Here’s to laughter, plenty of food, and no ‘who washed plates last?’ arguments.”
“To my family, my first home and my greatest support system, I pray this Christmas brings us endless joy, good health, and countless reasons to celebrate together. I love you all more than words can express.”
“May this Christmas season fill our home with peace, love, and that sweet AF aroma of fried rice and chicken. Thank you for being the best family anyone could ask for. Cheers to a wonderful New Year ahead!”
“Merry Christmas, fam! May our bonds grow stronger, our laughter louder, and our group chat finally find peace. Thank you for being my safe space and my forever people.”
“Wishing the best family in the world a Christmas as memorable as all of your best days. Let’s make this season unforgettable!”
“Merry Christmas to the people who’ve seen me at my worst but still love me unconditionally. I’m grateful for all the memories we’ve made and excited for the ones to come. You’re my everything.”
“To my family, thank you for filling my life with love and laughter. This Christmas, I pray for joy that overflows, health that sustains us, and plenty of reasons to celebrate life together.”
“Here’s to a Christmas filled with love, kindness, and fewer questions about my relationship status. Thank you, family, for always being my biggest supporters.”
“Merry Christmas! May this season remind us how much we mean to each other. Let’s eat, laugh, and make more memories because we deserve it all.”
“To the people I call home, may our Christmas be filled with love that knows no bounds, joy that never ends, and food that never runs out. You’re my forever family.”
Merry Christmas wishes for your lovers
“Merry Christmas, love! Being with you feels like celebrating every day, but this season makes me even more grateful for you. Here’s to a holiday filled with laughter, cuddles, and all the love in the world.”
“To the love of my life, thank you for making this year magical. I pray this Christmas brings us even closer and fills our hearts with joy. You’re the greatest gift I never knew I needed.”
“Merry Christmas, babe! May our love shine brighter than the Christmas lights and grow stronger with each passing day. You make every moment feel like a holiday.”
“To my favourite human, may this season be filled with laughter, good vibes, and endless love. You’re my greatest blessing, and I can’t wait to make more memories with you.”
“Merry Christmas, sweetheart! Let’s spend this season creating memories we’ll cherish forever. Thank you for being my anchor and my joy. I love you endlessly.”
“To my partner in love and life, may this Christmas remind us of the beauty of what we share. I’m grateful for your love, your patience, and the light you bring into my life.”
“Merry Christmas, my love! I pray this season brings us nothing but happiness and reminds us how lucky we are to have each other. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
“To the one who makes my heart skip a beat, I hope this Christmas is as beautiful as your smile. Thank you for being the highlight of my year.”
“Merry Christmas to my favourite person! Here’s to a season filled with joy, romance, and me stealing all your food because that’s what love is all about.”
“To the person who holds my heart, thank you for being my peace in a chaotic world. This Christmas, I’m reminded once again of how much I adore you. Cheers to many more seasons together!”
Xmas wishes for your friends
“Merry Christmas to my ride-or-die! May this season be filled with all the things you love—good vibes, great food, and more gist sessions. Thanks for being the friend everyone wishes they had!”
“To my partner in crime, Merry Christmas! May our friendship grow stronger, our jokes get funnier, and our enemies continue to wonder what we’re laughing about. Cheers to another amazing year ahead.”
“Merry Christmas, bestie! Here’s to a season of joy, jollof, and plenty of laughter. May your days be as bright as your Instagram stories.”
“To the one friend who makes every day feel like Christmas, thank you for being the light in my life. I hope this season brings you as much happiness as you bring to everyone around you.”
“Merry Christmas to my gist partner! May this season bless you with endless joy, plenty of food, and at least one wardrobe malfunction-free Detty December outing. You deserve it all!”
“To the friend who’s always got my back, I pray this Christmas brings you peace, happiness, and a bank account so full it feels like magic. Love you to bits!”
“Merry Christmas, bestie! Here’s to us slaying 2025 just like we slayed 2024. May this season bring you all the love and laughter you deserve!”
“To my one and only accountability partner, Merry Christmas! May this season bring you clarity, joy, and a good dose of laziness because you’ve earned it!”
“Merry Christmas to my favourite human! Let’s eat, gist, and dance our way through this season. Thanks for making every day brighter with your friendship.”
“To my forever friend, may your Christmas be filled with love, light, and less stress. Thank you for being the calm in my chaos. Here’s to more adventures in 2025!”
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Merry Christmas wishes for your employer
“Merry Christmas, sir/ma! Thank you for your guidance and leadership throughout the year. I hope this season brings you and your family peace, joy, and plenty of well-deserved rest.”
“Wishing you a very Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year. Thank you for being an inspiration and for creating an environment where we all feel valued. Have a wonderful holiday season!”
“To the best boss ever, may this Christmas bring you as much success, happiness, and fulfilment as you’ve brought to our team. Have a fantastic holiday!”
“Merry Christmas, boss! Here’s to a season filled with love, laughter, and absolutely no emails. Thank you for all you do.”
“Wishing you a joyous Christmas and a New Year full of exciting opportunities. Your leadership has been a blessing, and I hope this season brings you all the happiness you deserve.”
“Merry Christmas, ma/sir! May this holiday season be filled with rest, peace, and all the good things your heart desires. Thank you for always leading with kindness and vision.”
“To a fantastic boss, Merry Christmas! May this season bring you the same joy and support you’ve given us all year. Have an amazing holiday!”
“Wishing you and your loved ones a Christmas filled with love and good cheer. Thank you for being a source of motivation and guidance throughout the year.”
“Merry Christmas, sir/ma! I hope this season brings you plenty of reasons to smile and opportunities to recharge for the year ahead. You’ve been a true inspiration.”
“To a boss who has made work rewarding, Merry Christmas! May this season bring you peace, joy, and all the great things you deserve. Enjoy the holiday!”
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
We’ve been together for four years and married for two.
How did you meet?
We met in the comments section of an Instagram Live during the COVID lockdown. The IG Live was a competition—I can’t even remember the reward—but I noticed Lydia kept trying to win. I checked out her profile, liked what I saw, and DM’ed her.
Lydia also recognised my username from the comments, so she responded. We had a good conversation that day, which subsequently became regular. After a few months of talking, we met at a mall. I brought her flowers and asked her to be my girlfriend. She accepted.
Smooth!
To be honest, I had the confidence to ask her out because I’d just gotten a job. After my NYSC, I was jobless between 2019 and the first few months of 2020, surviving on my parents’ goodwill and the small design gigs I got here and there.
But COVID brought remote work, and I landed a $200/week brand design gig on a freelancing site. I felt financially ready for a relationship.
What was Lydia’s financial situation?
She was still a corps member, but her PPA paid well. Her salary plus the NYSC allowance brought her income to about ₦133k.
Lydia is a big saver, too. She used to complain about jumping buses to work in the morning, but when I suggested she take a cab, she’d be like, “With which money?” That babe could stretch ₦5k for a week and have ₦100k chilling in her account. She sort of infected me with her saving habits, too.
For instance, when we went on cinema dates, she’d insist we shared a pack of popcorn rather than buying two. I was the one paying, but she hated what she termed “unnecessary spending”.
Lydia would ask me to outline my expenses every week so we could track my spending and find out if I was overspending on certain things. We really worked well financially. That, among other reasons, made it clear that I had to marry her. We got married in 2022.
But I lost my job shortly after my wedding.
Damn. What happened?
The startup I worked at folded three months after I started working with them. I joined after the agency I worked with on the freelance site didn’t need my services anymore. It seemed like a blessing in disguise because the new job paid ₦600k. I’d just moved my family to a ₦1.2m/year apartment when my employers asked me to go home.
I thought it was a bad dream. Like, we were just two weeks into the new apartment. I’d spent all my savings on the wedding and relocating to the new house. We had no bed frames or chairs in the sitting room — we gave away the old set in my old apartment because we thought we’d buy a new one. To top it all, Lydia had resigned from her job when they refused to give her time off for wedding preparations.
Yikes. How did you both manage?
We got about ₦300k in money gifts from the wedding and managed that for a while. My mother-in-law also sent us plenty of foodstuffs after the wedding, so we used that to see road. We got plastic chairs for the sitting room and slept on a mattress on the floor for months. Our friends thought we didn’t want them to visit because we were honeymooning. In reality, it was because we were crazy broke.
We were also job hunting like mad but with little success. I should note something here: Lydia hardly nagged me. Of course, she wasn’t happy about our situation, but it was more like both of us complaining about our financial crisis rather than fighting each other. We approached the problem from an “all hands on deck” standpoint.
We knew we couldn’t afford unnecessary expenses like a Netflix subscription, eating out, or even eating chicken with every meal. We began a Sunday tradition of visiting our parents to eat dinner and take foodstuff home. I even pretended to prefer drinking garri at night so we could stretch meals for longer. We were in this situation for about seven months before Lydia got a job in 2023. Her salary was just ₦150k, but it was a lifesaver.
Phew. How was your job search going?
I applied to and interviewed at countless places but got nothing. I even abandoned the job search for a while and focused on getting freelance design gigs. But it was tougher to get foreign clients because no one trusted Nigerians. I got a few local design gigs that brought ₦15k or ₦20k occasionally.
At one point, I thought I was being attacked spiritually. I knew several designers making serious money even as freelancers, but I was just stuck. I started taking prayers seriously. The whole situation affected my self-esteem and led to arguments between me and Lydia.
What kind of arguments?
I constantly carried a “woe is me” expression, which affected our communication. I didn’t want to talk or joke because I didn’t find anything funny, but Lydia wasn’t having that. She was like, “We’re working out this money thing together, and I’m not complaining. Why are you letting it affect our relationship? Is it money you want or this marriage?”
I tried to explain that I didn’t feel comfortable without an income as the man of the house, but Lydia never accepted that as a valid reason. She also didn’t understand why I complained when she transferred money to my account to handle my personal needs — she knew I wouldn’t ask for money. I felt useless, and she thought I was too proud.
Our relationship really changed a lot. We went from talking about everything to sitting in silence for hours. It’s just funny because when people hear that a wife is feeding the husband, they expect the arguments will be about the woman feeling frustrated about taking care of the bills. In our case, our arguments were primarily due to my feeling sad for myself and allowing it to affect our communication.
My moodiness worsened when the time came to pay rent, and I couldn’t find any means to loan money to augment the ₦400k my wife had managed to save. We had to move to my brother’s boys’ quarter apartment.
Depression and shame almost killed me.
I’m sorry you went through all that
Thank you. For the rest of 2023, we survived on my wife’s salary and my brother’s kindness. We also had to get on birth control after having a pregnancy scare. Imagine giving birth while squatting in someone’s house.
Thankfully, things changed in May 2024. My brother helped me get my current job and gave us ₦400k to add to the ₦500k my wife had saved to get our own apartment. The house is still mostly empty, but we’re slowly getting the necessary furniture. I’m just glad that things are finally looking up.
I’m happy about that as well. I hope your relationship is getting better too?
Gradually. We aren’t as close as we used to, but I’m trying to make up for it by communicating more. At least, I can now afford to take us out to eat once a week. I couldn’t afford to buy her a Valentine’s gift this year — even though she swears she loves the love notes I gave her — and I look forward to finally being able to afford to buy her gifts next year.
What does your relationship budget look like now?
The weekly dates don’t cost more than ₦10k. Besides that, I’ve told my wife I’ll handle all the household bills from now on. She can just save her salary for emergencies or do whatever she wants with it. Knowing her, she’ll probably just save it.
Have you considered planning for a safety net?
Oh yes. I know better than just relying on one job now. I save at least ₦40k monthly for rent, and I’m actively looking for another job on the side. With another income source, I can look at investment options.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I really want us to own our house one day soon. Rent is such a huge expense, and once that’s out of the picture, I believe we can look at achieving other things.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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Office romances are tricky. One day, you’re borrowing a stapler or splitting a ride after work, and the next, you’re doing genital meet and greet away from your co-workers. But when things get serious, it’s not all smooth sailing—especially with office policies, nosy colleagues, and unspoken rules.
We spoke to five Nigerians about their office romances that became something more, and their stories prove that your colleague might be the LOYL.
Emeka*
For me, it started with casual banter in the office group chat. I had this cute colleague who’d always make sarcastic comments about my contributions, and I’d respond with witty comebacks. We didn’t talk much in person, but those chats became the highlight of my day.
One rainy evening, I ran into her at the office gate. She didn’t have an umbrella, so I offered to share mine. She was heading in the same direction as me, so I gave her a ride home. On the way, we stopped at a restaurant to grab dinner, and after that night, we started hanging out more often.
Six months later, we’re still going strong. I switched departments to keep things professional, but we still share the inside jokes that started it all. We even call each other “office bae” in front of everyone to throw suspicion off. The irony? Our colleagues have no idea there’s something real going on.
Esther*
I joined the company fresh out of NYSC, and from the first day, I noticed my partner. He was that guy—always well-dressed, polite, and seemingly in charge of everything. At first, it was just admiration. But then, we ended up on the same team for a major project.
Working closely meant a lot of after-hours calls and “let’s sort this out later” moments. I tried to keep things professional, but I laughed at his jokes and agreed to lunch dates a little too quickly.
I said yes when he finally asked me out after the project ended. We dated quietly for over a year before he proposed, and now we’re married. Sometimes, I wonder what would’ve happened if we hadn’t been on that team together, but I’m grateful it all worked out.
Binta*
I knew from the start that dating Segun* would cause trouble. He was a senior manager, and I was a mid-level analyst. Office policy explicitly stated that senior staff couldn’t date subordinates, but we didn’t plan to fall for each other.
We tried to keep it under wraps for as long as possible. We scheduled lunch dates off-site and acted like polite strangers during team meetings. But Nigerians like to gist, and eventually, HR summoned us for “a conversation.”
Segun had to make a decision, and it broke my heart when he resigned so we could be together. He did say he’d planned to leave eventually and start his own business, but I couldn’t shake the thought that our relationship influenced his choice. It’s been three years since he left, and we’re still together.
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Bola*
My office romance started innocently enough. He offered me a ride home one Friday when I was stuck in the rain. Traffic was brutal, so we started talking, and before I knew it, we were laughing like old friends. After that day, we began sitting next to each other during meetings and hanging out during lunch breaks.
But things got serious after I had an embarrassing period pain episode at work. He drove me to the hospital, waited with me, and even brought snacks. At that point, I knew this wasn’t just friendly banter anymore.
We started dating secretly because we didn’t want the whole office in our business. Of course, Nigerians are observant, and it didn’t take long before people figured it out. Thankfully, the office didn’t mind.
Gbotemi*
She was the HR officer who signed off on my employment letter, so I thought she’d always keep things strictly professional. But over time, we’d run into each other at work and talk about random things like office stress and football. That’s how I found out she was a huge Chelsea fan.
The turning point came during a company retreat. We spent a lot of time together, away from the main group, and talked about everything—career goals, family plans, and even past relationships. I learned her relationship was on its last legs, and while I wasn’t actively searching, I didn’t mind being with her.
But the thought of a scandal involving HR and a co-worker kept me from making a move. After months of careful planning and watching our backs, I finally asked her out. She said yes. Now, we’re official but still act like familiar strangers at work. If things get more serious, one of us might have to leave. It’s not company policy, but we agree it might be best.
