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  • Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

    What’s your earliest memory of each other?

    Desmond: Meeting her at a mini store near her hostel in December 2022. I was hungry, but the store close to my hostel had closed, so I went to one near hers.  As I was about to leave, she showed up with a friend. The store reeked due to chickens the owners kept. She and her friend stood outside, arguing about who should go in because they couldn’t stand the smell. I walked up to them and asked what they needed. When they said airtime, I offered to recharge their number through my bank app and collect cash for the transaction.

    Deola: He’s right. The stench was so bad I couldn’t enter the store.

    When he came over to help, I couldn’t stop myself from taking a mental picture of his face. Later, when I got to my hostel and replayed the events of the night, I thought, “Fine boy wan send me airtime.”

     I considered asking for his number that night, but I chickened out. Still, I kept praying I’d see him again—and I did a few days later.

    How did you feel when he asked you to pay for the airtime, Deola?

    Deola: I didn’t expect him to charge me, so it made me feel a little off. I assumed he was going to ask for my number, and I also thought he’d give the airtime for free. 

    Desmond: I considered giving it for free, but I fought the urge.

    Why?

    Desmond: I didn’t have enough for myself.

    Right. So, what happened next?

    Deola: We ran into each other on December 5. My friend asked me to come with her to meet a male friend at the school field. I got to the field, and there he was with the person my friend came to see. He was completely engrossed in a mobile game, so I sat beside him and did nothing until he noticed me and we started talking.

    Desmond: I was playing FIFA. Then I realised I’d said a short prayer to God, asking him to bring us together again in the same week if she’s the one for me. After my realisation, I dropped my phone and made a conscious effort to start a conversation.

    Shortly after, she mentioned that she was hungry, adding that a guy who’d promised her and her friend dinner bailed on them. I offered to buy her the food, but she refused. But she agreed to take a walk with me.  On that walk she refused another offer for dinner. We spent most of the time talking and exchanged numbers after.

    Why did you decline his offer to buy you dinner?

    Deola: It didn’t sit well with me. I thought it much to ask of someone I barely knew. 

    I see. So what did you guys talk about?

    Deola: I can’t recall right now. But all of that talking also led to holding hands that day. 

    Desmond: We didn’t get to talk about our personal and shared interests, but we talked a lot about our family and struggles as firstborn kids.

    Right. How did things progress after you exchanged numbers?

    Deola: We kept close contact with each other, constantly texting and spending time together on campus.

    Desmond: I confessed my feelings the same night we exchanged numbers, but she didn’t buy it. She argued we just met, but I also insisted that I was sincere with my feelings. Then, she texted saying the only way she’d take my words for it was if I confessed my feelings to her in person. 

    Deola: On December 7th, while I was mourning my dad on his 17th death anniversary, Desmond asked me out. It was a quick proposal, and while I didn’t feel the same way, I accepted. 

    Why did you accept?

    Deola: I liked him and wanted to give him a chance to change the way I felt.

    Desmond, why the rush? Did you know she was in mourning?

    Desmond: Yes, I was aware of that. But I asked her out as quickly as I could because I feared things would fizzle out,  and it would end as another fruitless talking stage. I was already losing interest in knowing new people, but Deola was a breath of fresh air.

    Our conversations were deep and meaningful, and I realised we were aligned in many ways, especially about our future. I’ve always been focused on financial success, and she didn’t shy away from such discussions. Whenever I brought up ideas about money and how to make it, she was genuinely interested, wanting to know my plans and encouraging me to pursue them. In fact, I can proudly say she’s one of the biggest reasons I got involved in the forex market.

    Seeing that you skipped the friendship phase, what were the early days of the relationship like?

    Deola: We were in perfect sync, both financially and emotionally. The first three months were smooth, and we mostly focused on improving ourselves and working towards financial stability.

    Desmond: Those were some of our best days. We didn’t have a single fight during those months.

     We shared the same ambition for our respective families. Growing up, I didn’t always get what I wanted because of financial constraints, and Deola had it tougher, dealing with emotional and physical hardship from her mum.

    We both want a better life for our families, so we spent the early months mapping out strategies to climb to the top of the financial ladder.

    Beyond that, we took the time to truly get to know each other. We went out often, and everyone around us noticed how much we cared for each other. Our relationship became the talk of the school, and my guys couldn’t stop telling me how lucky I was to have her. A few even joked about wishing she was theirs.

    I’m curious. Why do you both feel that level of responsibility to your families?

    Desmond: We’re both the first child of our families, hence the responsibility. Also, we feel we owe them a lot for the life they’ve given us even with their limited resources.

    Deola: Beyond our families, we have a shared goal of becoming the wealthy aunt and uncle, and the wealthy parents. We want our kids to have everything and not let them experience the lack we did. It was our goal as individuals and as a couple.

    Do you remember your first major fight?

    Deola: Yes. It started when I cheated.

    Please, tell me more

    Deola: I went to a male friend’s place to charge my phone. One thing led to another, and we got intimate. Initially, I wanted to keep it to myself and stay away from him, but he wouldn’t let it go. He kept pestering me for more; almost like he couldn’t get what happened out of his head. It became too much to handle,  and I came clean and explained to Desmond.

    For weeks, he brought it up constantly, and it was clear he was deeply hurt. The issue kept resurfacing, and the toll on our relationship made me determined to make better decisions moving forward.

    Desmond: She met the guy while taking a course in his department. I remember her telling me about him, saying she wanted to keep him as a friend. I wasn’t comfortable with it and warned her that he likely had other hidden intentions. I even asked her not to visit him and to cut off the vibes, but she didn’t agree. She argued our relationship didn’t mean she couldn’t have male friends.

    I didn’t mind her having male friends, but I suspected this guy wasn’t coming from a purely platonic place because he was overly friendly. And after all my warnings, she eventually confessed what had happened.

    How did you feel, Desmond?

    Desmond: I was deeply hurt and annoyed. But I decided to give her another chance. I told her I wasn’t going to break up with her, but I made it clear that I considered her actions a rookie mistake and wouldn’t forgive her if it ever happened again.

    What do you mean by “rookie mistake”? 

    Desmond: I believed she’d never been in a real relationship where the love is completely pure and genuine. She was a beginner experiencing true love for the first time, and she didn’t fully appreciate that. 

    I see. How did you guys move past this?

    Desmond: I asked her to cut ties with the guy completely. But later, she told me they started talking again, and the guy tried to cross the line once more. 

    Deola: I knew asking the guy to stay away from me wasn’t going to work. So, I asked Desmond to ⁩tell him off.

    Desmond: I spoke to him and made it clear he needed to back off. That was the end of it, and we’ve moved on since then.

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    Did this break the trust in your relationship?

    Deola: Definitely. We lost the trust for a while, and it took a while to regain it.

    Desmond: My trust in her dropped completely, but like she said, we were able to build it again within months. 

    How? 

    Desmond: We had to come up with ground rules. She couldn’t visit male friends or accept gifts from them. 

    Deola: I wasn’t allowed to take other guys’ numbers or form close connections with male friends. But I also held myself accountable by telling him everything and making him my best friend. In time, we were able to regain each other’s trust. 

    Fair enough. What would you say is the best thing about being with each other?

    Desmond: We have each other’s back. She’s always down to support me. I was broke most of last year and expected her to leave, but she stayed.  That said, there have been times when she almost left. I feel insecure when it comes to her, and I can be a very different person when my insecurity gets the best of me.

    Deola: The best thing about being with Desmond is how we’re able to help and better each other. Since we started dating, he’s helped me become a better version of myself. I have my current job thanks to his words of encouragement and just pushing me to chase opportunities. 

    How do you act when you’re feeling insecure, Desmond?

    Desmond: I’ll pick up unnecessary fights and say infuriating things, especially if I think there’s another guy in the picture. I’ll turn from lovable to a complete irritant. I say really hurtful things. 

    However, I’m currently working on this version of myself.

    Right. How do you handle this version of him, Deola?

    Deola: I try to meet him halfway and calm him down. But as he said, he’s a work in progress, and we’re finding better ways to resolve our issues. Better communication and understanding each other’s triggers are critical parts of that. 

    Do you think your relationship has changed you in any way?

    Deola: He’s helped me become emotionally strong. Once upon a time, I couldn’t speak up for myself and he taught me how to do that. 

    Financially, I began to do things for myself. I’m a successful writer now only because he kept pushing me to do what I love. He’d take care of me when I break down from the workload and still motivate me to do more. He’s just the best man I could ever ask for.

    Desmond: If I hadn’t met her, I wouldn’t have had the zeal to take trading forex seriously. She continues to push me to be better, and this also includes my spiritual life. I’m not an atheist, but I wasn’t interested the Church either. Deola changed that; she brought me closer to God.

    Curious. How do you handle finances in your relationship?

    Desmond: Right now, Deola is the only one making money through her writing. And the way we operate is: her money is our money, my money is our money. 

    Deola: Even if he has more, I’d still add mine into it. What we’re doing now in our dating phase is exactly what we’d do when we get married. We spend the money together.

    Neat. On a scale of 1-10, how would you rate your love life?

    Deola: It’s a 10. Desmond is everything I dreamed of as a young girl. He’s my best friend and he supports and fulfills me emotionally. I tend to rant a lot, but he listens and offers the best solutions. Even though we aren’t there yet financially, he’s enough and that’s just it.

    Desmond: It’s a 10 for me too. Before Deola, I’ve never experienced true love from another woman besides my mother. Deola takes care of me, calms my soul…she’s legit my dream woman. Being with her has instilled cherished values in me and I’m proud to call her my woman.

    If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

  • Let’s talk true; we’ve all had that moment of curiosity (and maybe mild panic) when we’re about to encounter our partner’s private parts for the first time and don’t know what to expect. “Is it big or small?” “What shape is it?” and so on. 

    For these Nigerian women, their experiences ranged from amusing to endearing and even a little shocking.

    Uche*, 25

    My boyfriend is 27, so imagine my shock when I first saw his pubic hair and found streaks of grey! It was such a jarring sight because I didn’t even know people went grey down there, especially not a young person. I had to ask if he’d dyed it as a joke, but he said it was natural. It was so unexpected, but now I think it’s kind of cute. 

    Yinka*, 26

    It took about a year of dating before my boyfriend and I decided to get intimate. We’d kiss, smooch and do other stuff, but we never crossed the line of pulling our clothes and doing the real thing. The day we finally got intimate, I remember pausing because I’d never seen foreskin up close before. I had so many questions: Is this normal? Shouldn’t it look different? He laughed and said it was perfectly normal and only looked that way because he didn’t get a circumcision. I had to do a Google search later just to ascertain if all was truly well and fine. 

    Toun*

    I was surprised and scared. I already knew what the male reproductive organ looked like, but I wasn’t prepared for what it would be like on a grown man. I had no idea it could grow and change size like that, so I just sat there watching it happen, completely stunned. The size was overwhelming, and I wondered how it would fit. It became an issue between us at some point because it felt like it was just too big. But with time, my body adjusted, and things got easier.

     [ad]

    Bisi*, 28

    I’ve had my fair share of weird, nauseating smells while going down on a partner, so when I met my current partner, I already had this stereotype in my head that men don’t pay attention to grooming down there. But my guy shocked me. Everything was neat, trimmed, and moisturised. He probably uses scented powder or cologne, I don’t know which, but I’ve never gone down for some mouth action and twisted my face in disgust. However, I’m not sure if it’s healthy practice for him to use scented products on his private parts.

    Fola* 32

    Don’t get me wrong; size doesn’t matter if the guy knows his way around and gets creative with foreplay. However, I was slightly underwhelmed when I first saw my husband’s private part. It looked really small, and it wasn’t all that much, even when he got hard. Over time, I realised he more than makes up for it in other ways. Plus, my husband loves toys. However, I’ve never been able to get him to agree to a strap-on. Whatever the case, I firmly believe that size isn’t everything. 

    Fatima, 25*

    My ex-boyfriend is light-skinned, and I’d always wondered what he looked like before we got intimate. However, the first time I saw his private parts, I couldn’t stop staring. His skin is a fair caramel colour, but his penis was so much darker in comparison. One would have thought he bleached his skin and left out that part of his body. I had to ask him if it was a health issue, but he laughed it off and said it was normal. It took some time to get used to the distinct imagery. Now, it’s something we joke about when we’re being silly.

    Dera*, 23

    I know pubic hair is normal, but I wasn’t expecting to find that much hair on “the twins”. It caught me off guard, and I may have giggled a bit. It was almost like holding a distressed volleyball. He later explained that it gets extremely itchy whenever he shaves his balls, so he doesn’t bother. I thought he would get offended, but he joked about the entire thing.

    Read this next: How to Find The Love of Your Life Before February 14

  • In Nigeria, hitting children isn’t just common; it’s practically a rite of passage. For many, it’s an unquestionable part of the “discipline package.” The reasoning? “Spare the rod and spoil the child”—a saying that Nigerian parents have embraced with pride. But let’s be real: has all the rod-sparing and rod wielding created a society of disciplined people? Hardly. Nigeria’s corruption, materialism, and general chaos suggest otherwise. Yet, there’s still a widespread belief that alternative parenting methods only breed disrespectful and unmotivated children. 

    In this article, we speak to three Nigerian mums raising disciplined children without lifting a hand. They share their experiences, challenges and wins, which all prove there’s more than one way to guide children toward the right behaviour.

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    Gbemisoke Adekoya, licensed psychotherapist and child educator


    When did you decide not to hit your children?

    I wish I could say that I’ve always been a non-hitter, but that’s not true. I reflexively used my hand because that’s what I knew growing up. But a few years ago, I took a behavioural psychology class that introduced me to positive reinforcement for behaviour change. I was initially sceptical, but I tried it, and to my surprise, it worked. 

    As someone who loves sharing what I learn, I started telling other parents about how positive reinforcement works better than punishment in behaviour change.  It became my life’s work to teach others. 

    I genuinely believe parents use the tools they have, and you can’t criticize people for using the wrong tools when you haven’t offered them the right ones. That’s why the biggest part of my messaging is teaching people what’s possible and practical tools that they can use. I don’t just say, “Don’t hit your child” I’m teaching them what they can do instead. I speak about this at length and discuss these practical methods on my YouTube channel and in videos like these: I Can Discipline Without Hitting?

    What’s been the biggest challenge with this method?

    It takes time to work. Physical punishment is highly effective in reducing bad behaviour in the moment, but it doesn’t teach replacement behaviour. Discipline is not equal to beating. Real discipline requires time and self-reflection, and most people—including parents—struggle with both. For example, if your child flings their iPad in frustration because the Wi-Fi stopped working, the issue isn’t the iPad, it’s that they don’t know how to manage frustration. If you respond by slapping them, you’re showing that you also don’t know how to handle frustration.  

    The crux of the matter is staying patient while your lessons take time to stick. People who get beaten don’t notice but it prevents the brain from working properly. It impacts them negatively because they don’t have frameworks or tools for working through or thinking through complex things. The only tool they have is violence. 

    What’s your favourite experience with this method?

    The relationship I have with my children. Parenting is the most delightful job that I have, but it’s also the most stressful job.  If you don’t keep at it, your kids won’t be okay. My kids make good choices not because they fear me but because they’ve been taught to think things through. I’m preparing them for a world where I might not always be present, and that gives me peace.

    Sarah*
    When did you decide not to hit your children?

    Well,  it helps that I talk to my child like she has sense—because she does. She’s capable of knowing the difference between right and wrong, so the first thing I do when she’s acting out is to try and understand why. She’d never willingly upset me, so finding the root of the matter through discussion has always proved effective. For instance, beating her won’t help her get better grades if she’s failing her classes. She broke a plate, okay? Should she now die? I’ve broken phones and plates, too and nobody beat me. There has to be a cause or a reason, and so if we talk about it, we can get to the problem. 

    We have honest conversations about actions and consequences. For example, I tell her to brush her teeth twice a day not because “I said so” but to avoid cavities and bad breath. There’s a reason, and she understands it. I’ve never felt the urge to hit her, and I’ve been responsible for her for a couple of years now.

    What’s been the biggest challenge with this method?? 

    Regulating myself. I don’t raise my voice at her, no matter what. For me, that’s harder than trying not to hit her because sometimes I’m so angry that I just want to yell.  But I remind myself that I’m trying to do better, so I take deep breaths. When I feel too upset, I tell her I need a moment to cool off before we talk. Then, when I do, I explain the situation to her. But that initial anger that fills my veins? Jesus.

    What’s your favourite part of using this method?

    The bond we share as mother and child, and being able to have conversations about anything. . My baby is shy but it’s nice knowing she reports people to me and walks around with an air of “as long as I tell my mummy the truth, I’ll be fine”. I’m her biggest fan and number one supporter. The culture of us talking to each other makes me feel good. We’ve come a long way.

    Karo
    When did you decide not to hit your children?

    It was a gradual decision from  assessing the way I was raised,  to my interactions with people who advocate for hitting as a form of discipline. I concluded  there had to be another way. I had more  conversations with other parents  and by the time I had kids, I was committed to finding other ways to discipline them.

    What alternative methods do you use? 

    I shout sometimes. But we’ve also recently started using a rewards chart to give daily points for chores and behaviours we want to encourage. This way, we are actively working on good behaviours. We also give related consequences for actions. Often, she loses privileges. Sometimes, I just let her be and I try not to react to every single thing.  Kids are naturally curious. We continue to adjust as she gets older. 

    What has been your biggest challenge with this method? 

    Parenting is a challenge. It’s work, so it makes sense that it’s not always easy. I don’t think the challenges are method specific but you have to really engage to be able to discipline. You have to think of creative ways to correct behaviours. What no one tells you about attempting to raise children who are confident and not afraid to stand up for themselves in the world is that sometimes, they’ll stand up to you. 

    What is your favourite part of using these alternative methods? 

    I like the intentionality of it. I’m constantly reading up on things to get better at raising my child. It’s all about being conscious, communicating with my child and ensuring they understand rules, why those rules exist, and the benefits of doing the right thing. I want them to trust their instincts and consciously choose to do the right thing, no matter who is watching or not watching, for them to feel proud of their actions and make choices that they are proud of. They’ll often make mistakes or even deliberately choose to do the wrong thing. It’s my job to get them to understand why they’ve behaved that way and work with them to ensure they don’t repeat such behaviour because they are not their mistakes. It’s also a learning experience for me because I’m learning to interrogate my own feelings.

  • The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.

    How long have you been with your partner?

    I’ve been with my boyfriend, David, for a little over a year. We met in November 2023. 

    Tell me more about how you met

    A mutual friend, who worked with David, set us up on a blind date. They were like, “Oh, I have a friend you should meet.” I had nothing to lose, so I accepted the invitation. David and I exchanged Instagram handles, had conversations for about a week, and met up for an ice cream date.

    Interestingly, I didn’t even know what he looked like. He’d seen my pictures on my Instagram, but his profile was empty. So, I saw him for the first time during our date. 

    Ermm. Weren’t you scared?

    The thing is, I don’t like asking men for their photos — they are often terrible and don’t do them justice, so it’s better to see them in person. When I saw David, I thought, “Thank God. He’s not ugly.” 

    It was a good first date, even though I arrived an hour late because I had the wrong directions. We had a good conversation, and I let my guard down. I didn’t want to get my hopes up before I met him. But after our conversation, I decided to be more open.

    We went on a second date the following week, then he asked me to be his girlfriend. I liked him, but I told him to calm down. I thought it was too early to take that step because we’d only been talking for three weeks. To be fair, we’d discussed some important topics even before our second date. But I wanted us to know each other for at least a month before starting an official relationship.

    I’m curious about the kind of topics you discussed

    One was our finances. David said, “Let’s just be honest and tell each other how much we earn.” This was new to me because I didn’t discuss my earnings with previous partners. I also didn’t ask them. But I saw he really wanted to be open in that aspect, so I told him exactly how much I earned, and he did the same.

    At the time, I earned ₦150k – ₦200k as a freelance social media manager. He’s a tech bro and made about ₦400k/month. We started dating a month later. This was in December 2023. 

    How has the relationship been so far?

    It’s been really good. I’ve never been in a relationship with this kind of openness before. David and I share everything. 

    When we argue, it’s mostly due to our different approaches to things. I want to address an issue immediately and get it over with, but he prefers to bring things up later. When he does that, I often feel blindsided. Like, you were pretending everything was alright while you had this thing on your mind? 

    This was a source of friction. I thought I was a chill person until we started dating. So, it surprised me how intense I could get in arguments. I’d have to physically stop myself to ask, “Why am I so angry?” But we’re adjusting better now. Sometimes, we just laugh at each other during arguments. Like, why are we acting like this?

    Our different spending habits have also been subjects of these arguments. 

    How so?

    I’m always like, “You shouldn’t be spending money this way.”

    I’m the saver in the relationship. I grew up with a “need to save” mindset, and it worried me that David had zero savings even though he earned so much money. Who does that? 

    So, I raised that with him a few times, and he’s seen the light. Now, he saves 40% of his monthly income with me and thinks twice about his spending. 

    At the moment, David works for a foreign company and earns £3k/month (about ₦6m), and 40% of that is about ₦2m. There’s another £300 he sends to me monthly.

    I know people might think it’s crazy that he keeps his money with me, but no one should worry. I won’t run away with his money. 

    I’m screaming. Is the £300 a girlfriend allowance?

    Something like that. This is how it started: During my NYSC in February 2024, I found a Place of Primary Assignment (PPA) that would pay me ₦60k/month. When I told David about it, he thought I didn’t need it. My remote freelance job guaranteed up to ₦200k/month. The ₦60k job was on Lagos Island, but I live on the mainland, and commuting was going to be stressful and expensive. 

    I reasoned I should just try the 9-5 life, but David insisted that he didn’t think I should do it because of the stress. So, I joked that I’d quit if he paid me ₦500k/month. Two months later, he got his current role and brought up the joke. 

    I didn’t quit, though. I didn’t want a situation where someone controlled my decisions because of money. I stuck with the job for another three months before I decided the 9-5 life wasn’t for me. After I left, he started sending me £300 every month. This has happened for six months now.

    You mentioned he saves his money with you. Is it toward a particular goal?

    A safety net. We just want to have something saved for when we need it. For example, he used his savings to buy a ₦5m car and move into a ₦1.9m apartment in 2024. Then, some more money to furnish and set up the place. All these were possible because of the safety net.

    I have my own savings, too. Sometimes, I use it for our dates or joint expenses. My housewarming gift to him was most of the equipment in his kitchen, and the whole set cost me almost ₦400k.

    What’s your financial situation like right now?

    On average, I make around ₦450k – ₦500k/month, depending on how many gigs I get. From this, I save at least ₦100k. 

    I haven’t touched the £300 allowance David sends me monthly and haven’t even converted it. I’m keeping it as rent money. I currently live with family members, but I’ll probably get my own place in March, so it will come in handy. 

    I’m sure that if I had been saving for rent from my income, I wouldn’t have the same level of financial freedom I enjoy now. Because I have this safety net, I can comfortably shop and eat what I want without overthinking expenses. I’m grateful for that.

    Do you both have a monthly budget for romance stuff and dates?

    We spend about ₦100k on dates and do this at least once a month. Other times, we stay indoors and order food, which costs anything between ₦20k and ₦30k.

    David pays for these dates. From his salary, we decided that ₦1m is for him to spend on whatever he wants, and the money for dates comes from there. On the rare occasion that he finishes the ₦1m, I send him like ₦100k. That said, I also ask him for money if I’ve spent more than I planned for and only have my savings left. We try not to dip into our savings at all. If we do, we always return what we take.

    How about gifts?

    We often exchange random gifts, and don’t wait till special occasions. I get him jerseys and clothes. Sometimes, I just send him money. The most expensive gift he’s bought for me was my iPhone 14 Pro last year. It cost ₦1.5m, so that was massive. 

    How are you both thinking about future plans for your relationship?

    I’m definitely team japa, but David doesn’t want to leave unless he has solid options abroad. I understand him — £3k can’t do much outside Nigeria. Even in Nigeria, £3k should make him super comfortable, but it doesn’t. In the long term, we’ll definitely leave because this country won’t get better.

    For now, we’re just focusing on our relationship and trying not to let the pressures of adulting and work affect us. We also plan to go on vacation by the end of the year.

    What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?

    I want to earn millions so I can match his energy, and we won’t have to think deeply when we want to go on vacation. Let it be that we both worked hard for our money and can afford to rest. I’d also like a future where we can afford to live in nicer places, and we don’t spend all the money we make just living day to day.

    Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.

    *Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.

    NEXT READ: This Osogbo Teacher Doesn’t Need Her Husband to Be the Sole Provider

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  • Talking stages are complicated, but there’s no reason for them to be in 2025.

    Instead of putting yourself through the constant torture of “Do they like me, or am I just here for vibes?”, here are 10 questions to help you decide if it’s time to move TF on.

    1. Do they match your energy?

    Are you the only one calling, texting, and trying to plan dates, or are they just showing up when it’s convenient? You deserve effort too, abeg.

    2. Have they talked about what they’re looking for?

    Listen, this is 2025, and vibes alone don’t cut it. If it’s been weeks and they’ve said nothing about their intentions, end that talking stage. They’re most likely there to take up space in your life.

    3. How do they treat service workers?

    This is important. If they’re rude to waiters or security guards, that’s your red flag waving in 4K. Run because it really fit be you. 

    4. Have you met any of their friends or family?

    If you’re still a secret after months of talking, are you sure you’re not just their imaginary friend?

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    5. How often do they “joke” about polygamy or open relationships?

    A subtle reminder: If they keep joking about “having options,” you might already be one of those options.

    6. Can you picture a future with them, or are you just vibing?

    If you can’t even imagine introducing them to your friends without cringing, don’t waste your time.

    7. Are they financially responsible?

    It’s not about having millions. If they can’t budget for small things, imagine trying to plan a future with them. Run away, please.

    8. How do they handle conflict?

    Do they ghost you when there’s a disagreement, or are they willing to talk things out like an adult? If it’s the former, you already know what to do.

    9. Are they consistent, or are you dealing with hot-and-cold vibes?

    If they’re all over you one day and disappear the next, they’re either confused or playing games. Either way, it’s not worth your time.

    10. Do you even like them that much?

    Finally, step back and ask yourself: Do you genuinely enjoy their company, or are you just trying to avoid being single?

    READ THIS TOO: How to Find The Love of Your Life Before February 14

  • Tell me about your friendship with Rumi.

    We met in secondary school and became really close friends in SS1. We bonded over books, walked home together, and shared many typical secondary school experiences. Even though we went to different universities, we stayed friends and kept in touch.

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    Was there ever a strain on your relationship with her?

    We had the usual fights friends often have.  However, there was a recurring pattern where she would use tears to manipulate me and make me feel guilty,  as she was the more emotional one in our friendship. I usually accommodated her emotions, so we didn’t have any real strain on our friendship at the time.

    So what happened this time?

    For context, I attended a public university, while she went to a private one. Sometimes, when my sessions were still on due to delays caused by strikes, she would be on holiday and at home in our city. When I was in 300 level, she visited me at my school during one of her breaks. I really wanted her to meet my crush, Danladi, a guy I met in my faculty. 

    Danladi was tall, charming and handsome. We met accidentally at the student hub, and he walked me back to my hostel. The conversations were fun, that we exchanged numbers. For three or four months, we walked back to our hostels together every day. We grew very close and became vulnerable with each other. I even visited his house, and we made out a few times. We hadn’t officially started dating. We were serious about each other and considering a relationship.
    I introduced him to a few close friends, including Rumi,  and that’s when the wahala started.

    Tell me about it.

    As soon as Rumi met Danladi, they hit it off. I like it when my friends like my man and vice versa, so I didn’t mind at all. After she left, I noticed a switch in Danladi. He became distant, distracted and impatient, but I chalked it up to a long day. For weeks after that, it became difficult to get a hold of him. He was either busy or unavailable. Meanwhile, Rumi told me how often they talked and shared that they had exchanged numbers behind my back. They were getting really close.
    At first, I didn’t think much of it because Rumi was dating someone at the time. But it became obvious that Danladi was interested in her. Instead of rebuffing him, she seemed to love the attention and kept indulging him. I later found out she had visited his house. I was so upset.

    I’m so sorry about that. Did you ever confront them about it?

    Yes o, but I didn’t expect the response I got. Rumi said she couldn’t let go of her friendship with Danladi just because I was insecure. She didn’t care how their sneakiness affected me; she just liked being around him. Danladi, on the other hand, was very straight up. He admitted he preferred her to me and planned to pursue her instead. I took a big step back and moved on with my life. I just couldn’t accept that kind of treatment from someone I called my friend or someone I wanted to start a relationship with.



    Wow, that’s wild, did they ever reach out to you after you drew back?

    Oh, yeah! A few months later, I got so ill that I was admitted to the hospital for two or three months. While I was in the hospital, Danladi visited me ,and he tried to rekindle what we had. It seemed things didn’t work out with Rumi. I was ill, but I felt a fresh wave of disgust. He thought he could come back to me after trying to get with my friend—yucky behaviour.

    When I got out of the hospital, I shared my experience with a friend. I got to know that it’s kind of his MO, and there were so many girls who had the same experience with him. He’d get close to a girl, pick up feelings for someone else and repeat the cycle. I was upset but grateful to God that He got me out of that ridiculous situation.

    What about Rumi?

    I cut her off completely after what happened. Two years later, we reconnected. She called to apologise for the whole situation with Danladi. While I didn’t find her explanation satisfactory, I was willing to put everything behind us.  Our friendship was never the same. We argued more often, and the closeness we once shared became strained. Still, we’ve managed to remain friends.

  • Will your year be filled with legendary sexcapades or ghost town vibes? Whether you’re fully for the streets, catching a vibe, or staying alone, your 2025 energy says a lot about how busy you’ll be. Answer these 10 hilarious questions, and we’ll guess if your body count will be zero, hero, or something out of a Nollywood blockbuster.

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  • I was looking to speak with people who reconnected with their IJGB family members during the Christmas and New Year holidays when I found Banji*. 

    He shares how his cousin, back in Nigeria for the first time in 16 years, has turned what should’ve been a sweet reunion into a series of exhausting Detty December escapades.

    As told to Adeyinka

    Growing up, Gbolahan* and I were more than cousins; we were practically twins. Born just a year apart, we were inseparable. Our parents lived in the same neighbourhood, so we did almost everything together—attending the same schools, church, and even having the same home lesson teachers. But in 2009, everything changed. Gbolahan moved to the US right after secondary school, and I stayed back in Lagos.

    To his credit, he didn’t let the distance ruin our relationship. Despite the time zones, Gbolahan made an effort to keep in touch. We’d spend hours chatting on WhatsApp. He’d tell me about snowstorms, weird American food, and the pressure of making it abroad. I’d fill him in on life in Lagos, family drama, and daily hustles. It was almost like he never left.

    However, last December, I realised that distance might’ve done more damage than I thought. For years, Gbolahan raved about wanting to experience a proper Detty December. He’d call me and complain about how Christmas in the US was just snow, family dinners, and Netflix. I always argued that the Nigerian dream was missing Nigeria from abroad. But he wasn’t having it. “Banji, you don’t understand. I wish we could exchange places,” he’d say. Well, last December, he finally got his wish.

    I was excited when he told me he was coming home for the holidays. I planned to go to a few concerts, hit a nightclub, and spend the rest of the time catching up. I mean, how wild could he really be? The answer: very.

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    From the moment he landed at Murtala Muhammed Airport, Gbolahan hit the ground running. He barely spent 24 hours resting before calling me: “Guy, get ready. We’re going to a house party tonight!” I was confused because I assumed I’d be his guide to Lagos nightlife. What did he know about house parties after 16 years abroad? He and some IJGB friends had booked the apartment and planned the party weeks in advance. I didn’t want to ruin his vibe, so I went.

    The party wasn’t bad—loud music, food in disposable plates, and overly excited IJGBs. I managed to keep up, even when Gbolahan insisted on taking shots like he was held hostage. But that was just the beginning.

    The next day, my cousin had us hopping from one event to the next. He had an itinerary so packed it felt like he was competing in the Detty December Olympics. Every major concert, popular lounge, and random after-party were on his list. For every suggestion I made, he had five better ones. And honestly, they were better. I won’t even lie—he knew all the spots. But I had a budget in mind. Gbolahan, on the other hand, didn’t care. The naira can’t compete with his dollar-powered spending.

    The breaking point came at one of those beach raves. You know, the ones where they charge a million naira for a private beach house, and you leave questioning your life choices. Gbolahan was in his element. He had other friends join us, screaming lyrics, openly flirting, and bribing the DJ to let them spin tracks. Meanwhile, I was nursing an overpriced cocktail, battling a migraine, and wondering why I even left my house.

    At some point, he found me and said, “Banji, how far? Can you order a ride? We’re heading to the club.” My guy, it was 2 a.m., and I had work in the morning. I ordered the ride for him and his friends but stayed at the beach house until morning before heading home.

    Since that night, I’ve been actively dodging Gbolahan. Don’t get me wrong—I love him. He’s still my cousin and childhood partner-in-crime. But I can’t handle his wildness. It’s like he’s been saving all his party energy since 2009, and now Lagos is paying the price.

    When he calls to hang out, I make excuses: “Oh, I have an early meeting,” or “I’m feeling under the weather.” The truth? I just want to sleep.

    Gbolahan’s still here till the last week of January, and I’m counting down the days. I’ve promised myself I’ll join him for one or two more outings to avoid being labelled the boring cousin. But deep down, I know I’ve had enough.

    Read this next: How to Find The Love of Your Life Before February 14

  • Valentine’s Day is still a couple of weeks away, but you know what they say about being proactive—if you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready. Why wait until February 13 to start shouting “God, when?” when you can take charge and find the love of your life right now?

    Follow this foolproof guide and secure a temporary situationship before February 14.

    Pretend you’re a gym enthusiast

    Everyone knows gyms are where the hottest singles hang out in January, trying to lose the weight gain from Detty December and stick to their “New Year, New Me” resolutions. So, dust off those trainers and sign up. You don’t have to actually work out—just look busy while scanning for potential baes. Bonus points if you “accidentally” bump into someone while pretending to lift weights.

    Post more thirst traps

    If the love of your life isn’t sliding into your DMs, you’re simply not posting enough. Show some skin, use a filter, and caption it with something vague like, “Looking forward to February.” If that doesn’t get people shooting their shot, then maybe it’s time to move to the next step.

    Rekindle something with an ex

    So what if they cheated? Or ghosted you? Or still owe you ₦20k? The past is the past, and the point is, you’re not trying to spend February 14 alone. Send a “Happy New Year” text, and see where it leads. A temporary situationship is better than no situationship at all.

    Download ALL the dating apps

    If you’re not swiping at least 100 times daily, you’re not trying hard enough. Bumble, Tinder, Hinge, Grindr, Badoo—download them all and say yes to every “let’s see where this goes” message. Who cares about compatibility? You’ll figure that out after securing your Valentine’s Day high.

    Shoot your shot with everyone in your office

    Workplace romance isn’t ideal, but desperate times call for desperate measures. Just pick someone, compliment their lunch choices for a week, and ask them out for drinks. Who knows? They might be just as tired of spending every Valentine’s Day as a single pringle just like you. 

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    Take what belongs to Caesar

    Listen, sometimes the love of your life is just temporarily with someone else. It’s not your fault their partner doesn’t know how to treat them right. Do your research, slide into their DMs with precision, and show them why you’re the soulmate they never knew they needed. It’s not stealing; it’s a redistribution of love to where it belongs.

    Manifest your bae

    At this point, if all else fails, it’s time to put your faith in the universe. Light a scented candle, write down your ideal partner’s qualities, and chant, “My February 14 boo is coming” three times. We can’t promise it’ll work, but it’s worth the try.

    READ THIS TOO: Love Life: She’s a Chronic Debtor, But We’re Giving Love a Second Chance

  • Now that the love and light of the holiday season has fizzled away, can we all agree on one thing? Nigerians need a masterclass on the art of gifting. Why else would someone think it’s okay to wrap up an old bundle of Ankara fabric that’s been marinating in camphor for years? Why are you giving it out if you won’t go near it?

    We asked a few people to share the worst gifts they received during the holidays, and their stories are proof that Nigerians are not serious people.

    Bukky*

    Since November, I’d been dropping gift exchange hints in the family group chat, and everyone agreed my suggestions weren’t bad ideas. So, I bought gifts for two of my favourite siblings, expecting them to get me something in return. I kept returning to the Christmas tree to see if my name was there, but nothing.

    I held on to my gifts, assuming they were waiting for New Year’s. But when nothing showed up, I reluctantly gave my siblings their gifts. Everyone made casual jokes about how I took gifting so seriously. Moments like that make me wish I was born into a different family.

    Derinsola*

    I know my boyfriend meant well, but I can’t lie—I don’t like his Christmas gift. It was a designer bag from one of those high-end stores on the Island with an end-of-year sales promo. I think he remembered me mentioning the bag earlier in the year, which was sweet.

    But the colour he picked was entirely off, and the bag had signs of wear and tear. It’s been sitting in my room since I unwrapped it because I don’t know what to do with it. Knowing my boyfriend, it’s only a matter of time before he notices I haven’t used it. I don’t want to seem ungrateful, but I also can’t pretend I like it.

    Tunde*

    To be fair, I didn’t go all out for my Secret Santa either—I gave a manicure and pedicure set worth about ₦10k. But the Ankara I got in return smelled so bad, even as a rag it stunk up my flat. I’ve tied it up in nylon and plan to give it to scavengers when they come around.

    I’d have been upset if this had happened six years ago. But I’ve been in the corporate world long enough to know that Secret Santa is a scam. Never spend too much; the effort is rarely mutual.

    [ad]

    Tola*

    My big mummy hadn’t been to Nigeria in five years, so when she announced she was coming for Christmas, she asked what we wanted as gifts. I didn’t trust her taste, so I said, “Just a wristwatch.”

    How could anyone go wrong with a wristwatch, right? Well, she gave me a Ben 10 wristwatch. Does she think I’m 10 years old? Anyway, I tossed it in my wardrobe. I’m sure it’ll come in handy as a birthday gift for one of my nieces or nephews.

    Michael*

    I’m not a pet person, but my cousin thought gifting me a kitten was a good idea. Don’t get me wrong; the kitten was adorable, but between work stress and Lagos traffic, the last thing I needed was to babysit a hyperactive pet.

    When I asked why she chose a kitten, she said, “I thought it’d help you relax.” Relax how? Long story short, I sold the kitten and used the money to buy a power bank. My cousin doesn’t know yet sha.

    Chika*

    My office does a Secret Santa every year, and somehow, I always get paired with someone unserious. Last year, my colleague gave me a mug with my office nickname. I don’t even drink tea or coffee.

    Meanwhile, I went all out and got her a skincare set because she was always complaining about her skin being dry. The worst part? She said, “I thought you’d find it funny.” I didn’t.

    Alex*

    It was my first Christmas at this fancy company, so I assumed Secret Santa would be top-tier. I bought my recipient an air fryer. But when I got my gift at the party, I knew disaster was waiting.

    From the wrapping, I could tell it was a vase. I told myself, “Maybe it’s antique and worth a lot.” Nope. It was the most basic vase ever when I unwrapped it at home. I’m pretty sure it came from a declutter page. Secret Santa isn’t for me.

    READ THIS NEXT: Love Life: She’s a Chronic Debtor, But We’re Giving Love a Second Chance