The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
We started dating in 2021, so just over three years. However, I’ve known Patricia since 2019, when she first joined my department at church.
How did you both go from church workers to lovers?
I think it was just a thing where the longer you spend with someone, the more you start to see who they are on the inside and decide whether you like what you see.
Patricia and I were on the media team at church, so we were always together. We clicked easily and mostly communicated as friends in the beginning. But I realised I liked her during the COVID lockdown in 2020.
I didn’t know how to deal with not seeing her every week, and I was counting down the days until church activities would likely resume. We still communicated during that period, but it was not the same. I missed her so much my heart ached.
God, when?
I still didn’t tell Patricia how I felt when church resumed — I was scared of rejection — until our New Year crossover service. She asked me to give her time to pray about it. After two weeks, she accepted but said she wanted us to take our pastor along.
We both met the pastor, and the man called me aside to ask if I was serious with my life. He said, “You just finished university. Do you even have a job? Do you plan to marry anytime soon? Why are you pursuing a relationship?”
They were valid questions, but the way he directly asked them made me feel dumb. I mean, I hadn’t thought that far, but even though.
I’m screaming. But did you have any source of income at that time?
I was still new to photography but often made between ₦50k – ₦80k/month as a photography assistant. I think our pastor was worried that I didn’t have a stable 9-5.
Plus, Patricia was in her final year and sold doughnuts in church to support herself. I guess we just seemed like young people who were still figuring out life and didn’t need to add romance to the picture.
Our pastor didn’t outrightly say we should break up, but we got that vibe from him. So, we left the church in 2022. Patricia was posted to a different state for NYSC, and we used the opportunity that she wasn’t around to withdraw from the church.
How did you both manage dating long-distance?
We had to navigate communication issues and the financial implications. We couldn’t make many WhatsApp calls because Patricia was posted to a rural area with terrible network service. So, we had to make regular phone calls, which was expensive. I’d recharge ₦400, and the whole thing would finish in about five minutes.
I preferred texting, but Patricia liked long calls. She’d often complain that I didn’t miss hearing her voice. If I argued that spending up to ₦2k/week on airtime wasn’t reasonable, she’d imply I didn’t think she was worth that amount. We fought about that a few times.
We also tried to visit each other once every month, and I mostly paid for that. If Patricia had to come over, I’d pay for her ₦20k transport fare. When I visited her, I also handled my own ₦20k fare. Fortunately, I gradually made more from photography, so ₦20k/month wasn’t that bad. Also, Patricia cooked when we were together, so restaurants weren’t taking my money. But I handled all the expenses when we needed to go out for anything.
The NYSC period was merely a trial version to prepare us for the real thing. Patricia got a scholarship and relocated to the UK for her master’s degree in 2024, and the distance has grown even further.
Oh wow. What’s that like?
It’s really hard, to be honest. At least, during NYSC, we had hope that we’d see each other within weeks. But now, I can’t tell exactly when that will happen. She likely won’t return home even after completing her degree. It makes sense to find a job and settle before considering visiting Nigeria.
I’m not rich enough to consider getting a visitor’s visa and travelling to see her. I’d also like to japa one day, but there’s no clear path for it at the moment. Our relationship’s future is very hazy right now. We’re just avoiding addressing it because it might mean considering a breakup.
Marriage might solve the visa and distance, but we’re too young to marry. Also, I don’t want to enter marriage for the wrong reasons. We’ll just take each day at a time and see how it goes.
How do you plan for romance stuff, considering the distance?
The time difference between Nigeria and the UK is just an hour, so finding time to talk is not difficult. We call each other on WhatsApp at different times of the day and gist about what we’re doing.
For my birthday in October, Patricia gave my younger sister money to buy me a pair of shoes and perfume. I thought it was really sweet. Patricia’s birthday comes up in February, and I’ve been saving ₦50k monthly since November to buy her something. I don’t know what yet, but my budget is ₦300k. That’s about 150 pounds, so I hope it’s enough for something reasonable. I’ll send the money to her schoolmate, who will buy the gift and deliver it to her.
Patricia will probably blow a gasket if she finds out how much I plan to spend, but she’ll be alright. She doesn’t want me to buy her a gift. She says it’d cost too much to use naira to buy something in the UK. But I don’t think I can just let her birthday pass without doing anything.
Speaking of, what kind of money conversations do you both have?
Patricia is the saver in the relationship. Before she relocated, she had an expense sheet she sent me every week and ensured I filled it. Then, she’d go over my expenses and lecture me on what I spent too much on or shouldn’t have bought.
I appreciated it because it helped me make better financial decisions. Since I don’t receive a salary, it’s easy for me to blow what money comes my way, reasoning that I’ll make more when the next client pays up. So, tracking my spending was helpful.
I didn’t always like it, though. I don’t like having to explain myself, but I had to do it to avoid a fight. Thankfully, she’s stopped the weekly policing of my spending since she relocated. I also save now without being prompted, so win-win.
I know the future is hazy right now, but have you considered how much longer you can both handle dating long-distance?
If we fail to find a clear path to bridging the distance by the end of the year, we’ll most likely break up. I don’t mean we have to be in the same city in a year, I just expect we’d already know what clear steps to take by then. If not, there’s no point wasting anyone’s time.
You sound like your mind’s made up
I’m a realistic person, so I’m preparing for whatever outcome. I love her, and I’ll do my best to be loyal while we’re together. But I can’t be in a long-distance relationship indefinitely. Lately, she’s been insinuating that I’ve found another babe here. That accusation came out of the blue. I don’t think there was any change on my part that led to that.
I can only assume that some other guy is entering the picture, and her guilt is driving that accusation. I don’t know for sure, and I try not to dwell on that. I hope that’s not the case. But we need to find a solution to the distance soon.
Hopefully. What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I think it’s pretty obvious. It’d be great if I was rich enough to japa too so we’d be together.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
On this episode of Table Talk, we sit down with Chidi* and Oma* as they take us through their culinary quirks — from go-to meals to no-go food combos — and why food might just be the secret ingredient in their long-distance relationship.
A for Amala
Oma: I love amala and ewedu. Its deliciousness is on another level. If it’s prepared right, I can get high on it.
Chidi: Since I ate amala for the first time, I never looked back. Amala is one of the silliest reasons I moved to Ibadan.
Would you consider it on a first date?
Oma: Hell yes!
Chidi: You need to count me out, please. Let’s eat something else.
B for Budget
How much is a decent amount to spend on food monthly?
Oma: I’ll say ₦50k.
Chidi: Babe? Please, how?
Oma: You know I don’t eat too much. I’m trying to do better with my feeding, but I think that’s a good figure. It doesn’t include takeout sha. With that, we can do ₦80k.
Chidi: I think ₦100k is pretty decent if we include takeout.
Oma: Or we can make it ₦150k because of my cravings. The way I’ve been craving coconut cakes and snacks is just crazy!
Chidi: Well, do I have a choice? Anything to make you happy.
C for Cooking
What’s something you’d love to cook for each other?
Oma: It has to be ogbono. He’s talked my ears off about how the soup is the love of his life — after God and me, of course.
Chidi: I’ll make pasta.
Oma: For who, please?
Chidi: You know I’ve got a bit of proficiency with it, and I have lower chances of embarrassing myself.
Oma: When there’s pounded yam and oha soup? Pounded yam and white soup?
Chidi: Alright then. I guess it’s time to run to YouTube for recipes.
D for Dodo
Oma: Salted, semi-hard fried plantains always. Depending on my mood, it could be ripe or unripe.
Chidi: Wait, this is a discovery. Hard dodo as how? If it’s hard, how is it dodo? From the name do-do, this meal already screams, “I want a soft life.”
Oma: Babe, can you see the pictures? Listen, the only way to enjoy dodo is when it’s semi-hard.
Chidi: You’re alone on this.
E for Egusi
Chidi: Best with pounded yam.
Oma: Well, you know I’m not a big fan of the soup.
Chidi: Actually, I’m with you. It makes my chest burn.
Oma: I listen, I don’t judge.
F for Fine dining
How much is too much when you guys step out?
Oma: As long as the spending doesn’t involve either of us going broke, I think we are good.
Chidi: What she said, because I’d definitely want us to have the time of our lives, but we can’t be washing plates, please. As for the cost, it would be around ₦100k to ₦150k.
H for Home cooked meals
Oma: Cooking can be pretty stressful. I’m down for it sometimes, but I generally prefer eating out because it saves time and stress.
Chidi: I feel a home-cooked meal is really cool, though. I see cooking as bonding time and anytime we do it together, it means a lot to me. It feels like eating before the actual meal.
But I also subscribe to the idea of outsourcing. The ROI on cooking is too low — so much stress for ten minutes of consumption.
G for Garri
Chidi: I think it’s just there for me, and I never see it as a meal. Which one is “I drank garri and went to sleep.” Please, how did you manage to sleep?
Oma: Look at this guy! Garri is a lifesaver and consoler in times of trials and tribulations.
Do you associate it with poverty, Chidi?
Chidi: No. I just think that no matter how broke I am, garri can never be the solution because it’s really not food to me.
Oma: Nawa.
I for Indomie noodles
Oma: Chicken flavour all day, every day.
Chidi: Onion flavour, please. That seasoned oil has a way of elevating the taste.
Oma: You’re just saying your own. It’s chicken flavour over here for life.
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J for Jollof rice
Oma: The king! President-general-among-the-rices, if there’s anything like that.
Chidi: For me, jollof rice is just jollof. Nothing more, nothing less. Bring fried rice, and the party will scatter.
Oma: Please, get him out of here.
Chidi: Continue your agenda.
K for Kitchen
Do you have a dream kitchen?
Oma: I want a kitchen with lots of sunlight, the biggest windows ever and a minimalist vibe.
Chidi: You know I just want to eat. But yes, I know you’ve talked about your dream kitchen several times, and I’ve noted it.
L for Leftovers
How do you feel about eating each other’s leftover meals?
Oma: I’d eat Chidi’s leftovers, as long as it’s not every day.
Chidi: Leftover as how? If it’s not fresh, keep it in your house, except for the leftover asun. Please, bring.
Oma: Anyway, I also draw the line at leftover noodles.
M for Moi-Moi
Chidi: Who will pick and wash the beans? Buy it, please.
Oma: But babe, it would be fun making it together.
Chidi: Okay. I guess the fun starts after you wash and pick the beans?
Oma: You’re not a serious person.
N for Night snacks
Chidi: Does suya count? If it does, yes.
Oma: Pringles. Doritos. Fandangos. White chocolate. Fruit salad.
O for Okpa
Do you have any thoughts?
Chidi: I don’t even know what this tastes like.
Oma: OMG. You need to taste it. I love okpa.
Chidi: I’m open to trying if you buy it for me.
Oma: Deal.
What meal does the LOYL deserve on Valentine’s Day? We have the best recipe suggestions at the end of this article.
P for Pizza
A pizza date…
Chidi: I’m down for it.
Oma: Please. When we can go to the middle of an evil forest battling what we don’t know while eating? The way we’ll fall deeper in love with each other. Babe, won’t we? The experience will bond us in a way we won’t forget.
Chidi: Now that I know your thoughts toward me, I know what to do.
Oma: I was just kidding. But yes, if I had to plan a food date, I’d say an open space where I can lay a mat, and we can watch the sunset while eating.
Chidi: Much better.
Q for Quesadilla
Chidi: Never had it. I will gladly try.
Oma: Hell yeah! It’s on our list of things we need to try out.
R for Rice at home
Chidi: There’s always rice at home once the food is 3x the last price.
Oma: I’ve got to agree with you on that.
S for Semo
Oma: I’d rather eat pounded yam, amala, fufu and maybe even eba. But Chidi thinks it’s the best swallow in the world.
Chidi: That’s because it is. Everyone needs to leave every other swallow and commit to eating semo. Only people who eat semo should go to heaven.
Oma: Who is this one?
T for Turkey
The GOAT of proteins.
Chidi: Where will you put chicken?
Oma: I don’t have a preference. Whether it’s turkey, goat…whatever…I no too get wahala.
U for Unusual pairings
What weird food combination do you like?
Oma: I love rice and okro.
Chidi: I need to cancel you.
Oma: Taste before judging. It’s so fucking good. It’s perfect…almost heavenly, I tell you. It’s gold.
Chidi: I’ll pass. But my best weird combo is spaghetti and beans.
V for…Viju Mik(?)
Chidi: Viju milk chocolate?
Oma: Viju milk (orange flavour)
Chidi: This shouldn’t exist. Come to the light — chocolate.
X for Xtra portions
When does it become gluttony?
Chidi: There’s no gluttony in my dictionary. Please, my babe is allowed to eat till she’s filled. Secret: I can eat four wraps of shawarma and stand up like nothing happened.
Oma: Even the wisest man to ever live said in Ecclesiastes 5:18-20, “I have seen what is best for people here on earth. They should eat and drink and enjoy their work, because the life God has given them on earth is short.”
We met virtually on a music community group on Telegram in 2017. I was looking for new rap music, but I was unsure where to start. I shared my ask on the group, and she enthusiastically offered to send me a few songs she thought I’d like. Our friendship grew from there.
What was your friendship like?
Great. At first, we only talked about music and the songs we enjoyed. Then we started to share stories about our families, our personal struggles and more. We found out about our shared love for photography and the hustle for a better life, deepening our bond.
Although she lived in the US and I in Nigeria, the distance had no effect on our friendship. We spoke every single day and had conversations across apps. Within a year, she became one of my closest friends and confidants.
When she visited Nigeria in 2019, we went to all the Detty December concerts together. It was all going quite well until I couldn’t reach her anymore in August 2021.
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What happened?
If you ask me, na who I go ask? She sent me a birthday gift — an Instax camera — earlier in the month, and I absolutely loved it. Then we talked for hours on the phone as usual, and she mentioned she was going through a tough time because she was moving apartments and had lost a memory card she needed. We said goodbye after I had encouraged her and assured her I was there to support her.
The next day, I texted to check up on her and see if she was feeling better than the day before.
No answer.
I didn’t think much of it because we often missed texts or calls due to the time difference or busy schedules. A few days later, I sent her another text; still nothing. Like a bad joke, thirteen more days passed, and I started to get worried.
I’d spoken to Janet virtually every day since 2018, and she was not prone to disappearing for long periods without saying anything. I also knew she had some mental health struggles as well, so I was scared something had happened and things had gotten worse.
On the 27th of August 2021, I sent her a text telling her I was worried and that I missed her. I wanted to hear her voice on the phone again, but I still got no response.
It was so jarring.
Then, on the 7th of September, I tried to video call her, but she didn’t pick up. Two days later, I sent a WhatsApp sticker; no response. On the 22nd of September, I left her another message, but she didn’t reply.
Then, on November 16th, I sent another message. I said something like, “I don’t know why you haven’t been responsive, but I really hope that you’re alright and you’re hanging in there.”
I had no idea what had happened, if she had heard something or if I had done something. She just never spoke to me again.
I have her birthday on my Google calendar, and I was so upset when I got a notification for her birthday in 2022. Almost a whole year had passed, and she said nothing.
That’s awful. Did you send any more messages to her after that?
I was tempted to wish her a happy birthday,but I thought to myself, ‘Does this make any sense?’ and I decided against it. I still get reminded of it every year but I refuse to contact her again. This person did not say a single word to me. No explanation, nothing. Why should I reach out to her again?
Do you want to know something crazy? We have a mutual friend. On this friend’s birthday in 2022, I video-called to give well wishes, and Janet was at her house. I saw her in the background, laughing like nothing was wrong. I asked my friend if Janet seemed okay and she was like, “She’s doing great.” That’s when I completely released the whole thing from my mind. She asked if I wanted to send Janet my regards, and I said no. The disrespect was enough.
That’s crazy o
I can’t believe it sometimes. Earlier in 2021, I was in an awful relationship where I got ghosted, and Janet was my rock that entire period. She knew how abandonment was a trigger for me, and she did it anyway.
How did you navigate this radio silence?
I spent the first year thinking I was a bad person and had done something wrong. But when I saw her at our mutual friend’s house, I accepted that I’m not a bad person; she’s just crazy and disrespectful of my feelings. I told myself I deserved better and moved on with my life. I sought solace in my other friends instead. I still thought about it for a long time afterwards, even after I stopped blaming myself. It was such a weird experience
Did your mutual friend ever try to mediate the situation?
No, but I don’t begrudge her because I’m sure that’s not what she signed up for. Last year, she called me and told me Janet ghosted her, too. I found it genuinely funny. So this national cake can reach all of us?
Seeing that she did it to another friend made me feel a lot better, I won’t lie. What’s crazier is that she’s still on all my social media, and she likes my photos or stories when I post.
Ah, isn’t that what people call a monitoring spirit these days?
I don’t care. The fact that she sees my posts and likes them but doesn’t reach out is telling enough. People tell me to block her, but I refuse. She will watch my success from that same phone screen.
Would you give her a chance if she ever tried to rekindle the friendship?
No, not at all. I’d hear her out, though, because a small part of me still wants to hear an explanation. But if I never get it, I’m okay, too. I don’t need that sort of drama in my life.
Will your partner be horrible to everyone but you, or will they be a sweetheart to the core? Well, this quiz has the answer. Before you argue, remember that we never lie. 👀
Dimeji* (34) thought helping his girlfriend settle into Lagos would bring them closer, but now, she’s thriving on her own, working at a short-let apartment that hosts Nollywood productions, and he feels like he’s being left behind.
In this story, he shares how jealousy, shifting dynamics, and the fear of being outgrown are pushing their relationship to the edge.
As told to Adeyinka
I met Sandra* during a late-night Uber trip from the airport to Surulere. She had just moved to Lagos from Imo, and from how she sat in the backseat, looking around and clutching her bag like Lagos boys would snatch it from inside the car, I could tell she wasn’t used to this city.
She had no family here; just a cousin she barely spoke to, and she was still job hunting. I don’t know what made me care, but by the time I dropped her off, I had already offered to help her find her way around. Maybe it was because I had been new to Lagos once, too, or I already liked her judging from her physical appearance.
Sandra made it easy to fall for her. She showed up at my house with home-cooked meals and texted me randomly to ask things like, “Do you know a good plug for second-hand furniture?” or “How much should I be paying for this item?” She trusted my recommendations and relied on me when unsure about something. And before we knew it, we were dating.
By her third month in Lagos, she got a job as a facility manager at a short-let on the Island, and even though it wasn’t the kind of work she wanted long-term, she liked that it kept her busy. I also liked that she wasn’t one to remain idle; she really wanted the best things in life, and that was a quality I admired in someone I could potentially spend the rest of my life with.
Initially, things were easy between us. She was the dutiful girlfriend who gave updates about her activities even when I didn’t ask, and she only wanted to spend all her free time with me. Not until her job started getting rented out for low-budget Nollywood productions.
At first, I noticed she was just overly excited about the experience. She’d mention in passing that she saw some actor from a YouTube series or that one skit maker was shooting content there. Then, she started making small TikToks about it. Nothing serious — just short videos of behind-the-scenes setups, random moments of actors arriving at the short-let, and the occasional selfie. She didn’t have a big following, but people in the comments seemed to like the videos she posted.
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At first, I ignored it. It wasn’t a big deal, really. And lowkey, I knew it’d be good if she blew up on TikTok. I know everyone isn’t there just for the fun; people also make money. But then I started noticing how animated she got when she talked about her work, how she’d play back her TikToks for me, laughing at things I didn’t find that funny. It wasn’t like she was suddenly besties with these actors, but it was how she engaged with them — so comfortable and at ease.
One night, she was scrolling through her phone, watching a video she had recorded with an actor goofing around while setting up a scene, and I just felt utterly irritated. She kept giggling softly to herself and even came to ask for ideas for the caption she should use. I remember saying, “Don’t you think you’re getting a bit carried away with this TikTok thing?” But she wasn’t having it. She went on and on about how she could build her TikTok page into a second source of income.
Her explanation made sense, and I suddenly felt stupid for even bringing it up. She also mentioned that she wasn’t doing anything inappropriate, and I agreed. However, my worry at the time was that frolicking around could eventually lead to doing something she didn’t plan to do.
Anyway, I let it go, but the feeling didn’t leave.
I wanted to be happy for her, to be the supportive boyfriend who didn’t let small things get to him. But some nights, I found myself scrolling through her TikTok, reading comments from strangers hyping her up, watching videos of her smiling at work in a way I hadn’t seen in a while. And the worst part? I didn’t know if I was just being insecure or if I was actually losing her to this new world she was building.
There was also the case of personal videos she started sharing on her TikTok page. Some of them were pretty revealing, but she hardly accommodated my complaints about them.
I’ve tried to bring it up several times, but it always ends in arguments and silent treatment. The last time we had a conversation, she said she didn’t want to hold me back, and I’m free to walk away if it’s so hard to support her.
That line of thinking made me realise we haven’t been on the same page for a while; it’s just taken me too long to notice. She thinks I’m being insecure, and maybe I am, but I also can’t shake the feeling that I’m losing her to this new version of herself.
We haven’t spoken properly for about two weeks now, and I don’t know if we’ll return from this. I’ve concluded that she no longer needs me the way she did when she first moved to Lagos. And maybe it’s time to move on.
Being single is great — until you realise it’s been months since someone held your hand for longer than five seconds. Whether you just got out of a relationship, have been single for years, or are currently experiencing a touch drought, the struggle of touch deprivation is real AF.
So, how do you cope when there’s no partner to cuddle up with? We asked five single Nigerians to share their experiences.
When did you first realise you were touch-deprived?
I was watching a rom-com and got jealous over a forehead kiss. That’s when I knew.
How do you deal with it?
Massages. Full stop. I get one at least twice a month. It’s not even about relaxation — it’s just human contact. I tried to downplay it, but the first time a masseuse worked on my shoulders, I almost moaned. That’s when I knew I had been starving.
Would you rather be in a relationship just for the physical affection?
Honestly, no. Relationships come with stress, and I don’t want to date just because I want to be touched. But will I book a spa session to trick my brain into thinking I’m loved? Yes, I will.
“Hug a pillow. It’s not the same, but it helps” — Amaka*, 30
When did you first realise you were touch-deprived?
I was watching a TikTok where someone said, “If you haven’t been hugged in six months, your body is literally starving for touch,” and I felt that in my soul.
How do you deal with it?
I have a ridiculously huge pillow that I sleep with every night. I wrap my entire body around it like I’m hugging a tree. It’s not the same as real human touch, but I can almost fool myself if I position it just right.
Would you rather be in a relationship just for the physical affection?
Sometimes, yes. I won’t lie, sometimes I consider getting into a situationship just to have someone to cuddle. But then I remember men will embarrass you, and I hug my pillow tighter.
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“Don’t rule out the gym, lots of casual touch” — Tunde*, 31
When did you first realise you were touch-deprived?
A few months ago, my female colleague touched my arm while laughing, and I swear, I felt it in my soul. I almost asked her to do it again.
How do you deal with it?
The gym. People don’t realise how much casual touch happens there. A pat on the back, a handshake, or someone spotting you while lifting weights helps. There’s no weirdness, and I don’t have to explain why I’m craving human contact.
Would you rather be in a relationship just for the physical affection?
Not at all. I enjoy my personal space and my peace. I just wish I could order casual hugs the way you order shawarma.
“Get you a platonic cuddle buddy” — Fatima*, 29
When did you first realise you were touch-deprived?
I’m the friend who always holds hands, hugs, or leans on people. But lately, my friends are in relationships, and nobody touches me like before. That’s when I knew I was down bad.
How do you deal with it?
I have a friend who’s also single, and we’ve made a pact to be each other’s “platonic cuddle buddies.” We’ll watch movies and just casually lean on each other. It sounds weird, but it helps. Also, I play with my own hair a lot. It’s a small thing, but it calms me.
Would you rather be in a relationship just for the physical affection?
I used to think no, but now? Maybe. I can’t be out here shaking over the lack of hand-holding.
“Get a haircut or pedicure session” — Qudus*, 26
When did you first realise you were touch-deprived?
I went for a haircut, and when my barber gently brushed off the loose hairs from my neck, I nearly melted. That’s when I knew my body was crying for touch.
How do you deal with it?
Regular haircuts. It sounds ridiculous, but there’s something about having someone literally care for you, even if it’s just shaping your fade. I also get pedicures sometimes—not because I care about my feet, but because I just like the feeling of human contact.
Would you rather be in a relationship just for the physical affection?
I’ve considered it. But then I remind myself that emotional stress is worse than being touch-deprived. I’ll just keep tipping my barber well.
While we hope these suggestions give you an idea of how to deal with touch deprivation, here’s an article with practical guides on how to hug yourself.
Marriage is supposed to be the safest place to express your deepest desires, but what happens when there’s something you really want to try but can’t bring yourself to say out loud?
Whether it’s fear of judgment, cultural stigma, or just not knowing how to bring it up, these seven women have been there. They talk about the sexual fantasies they secretly want to explore, and why they won’t share with their partners.
“I want to dominate him, but will he even allow it?”
For many women, societal expectations around masculinity make it challenging to suggest a shift in power dynamics during sex — even just for fun. Ada*, 29, shares:
“Sometimes, I just want to flip the script — tie him up, tease him, and take full control. But my husband? If I even hint at it, he’ll start praying against spiritual manipulation. One time, I jokingly asked how he’d feel if I handcuffed him, and he laughed like I just told him I want to summon demons. I’d love to try, but I also don’t want to make him look at me differently.”
“I want us to film ourselves, but what if it leaks?”
In a world where privacy breaches happen too often, some fantasies just feel too risky to indulge. And that’s exactly what’s holding Kenny*, 31, back. She shares:
“I love the idea of watching ourselves back — seeing how we move, catching little things we don’t notice in the moment. But my biggest fear? What if that video ever leaves our phones? One wrong tech mistake, one phone repair gone wrong, and suddenly, I’m trending for the wrong reasons. I trust my husband, but I don’t trust bad luck.”
“I want to do it somewhere other than the bedroom”
For many married women, privacy is a luxury that doesn’t always exist, and it makes many fantasies impossible to explore. Halima*, 35, says:
“I watch movies where couples are spontaneous — kitchen counter, balcony, even the car—but every time I think about it, my Nigerian brain kicks in. What if my kids wake up? What if my mother-in-law randomly stops by? What if my gateman hears something and starts gossiping? There’s no privacy in a Nigerian home, abeg. I’d love to be spontaneous, but the stress over getting caught is too much.”
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“I want to introduce toys, but I don’t know how he’ll take it”
Introducing new elements into your sex life can be a real struggle, especially if you’ve got a partner who has traditional views on intimacy. Tolu* considered making a purchase once, but it never happened.
“I’ve read that adding toys can make things even better, but my husband believes anything other than ‘the natural way’ is unnecessary. I don’t even know how to start the conversation. What if he gets offended? What if he thinks I’m unsatisfied? One time, I saw a cute little vibrator online and hovered over ‘add to cart’ for so long before closing the page. I don’t want to start explaining why I was on a sex toy website in the first place.”
“I’d love to explore backdoor play, but he sees it as taboo”
Cultural and religious beliefs can often be the biggest roadblock to exploring certain fantasies, even in a loving marriage. Esther*, 28, can relate all too well. She shares:
“I know it’s not for everyone, but I’m curious. The problem is, my husband grew up hearing that it’s a sin, and I know if I even bring it up, he’ll start wondering where I got the idea from. I want to try it, but I also don’t want to end up in a prayer session over it. So, I just keep quiet.”
“I want to take control, but I’m scared of bruising his ego”
For some women, it’s not just about being submissive — it’s about avoiding a conversation that could make things awkward afterwards. Tolu*, 27, says:
“Sometimes, I want to pin him down and take over, but I don’t even know how to bring it up. He’s a traditional Igbo man, and in his head, men are supposed to lead everything — including bedroom matters. One time, I playfully held his hands above his head, and he just laughed awkwardly and flipped me back over. I don’t want to kill the vibe, but I also don’t want to keep ignoring something I really want.”
If you’re trying to exert more control in your sexual life, you should read our article on how to be confident.
When it comes to confidence, who is better to learn from than someone who commands power for a living? Enter the world of dominatrixes, where female confidence isn’t just a trait—it’s a lifestyle.
Zikoko sat down with M.E., a lesbian dominatrix, to unpack how she embodies unshakable self-assurance inside and outside the dungeon. We also discussed how women can embrace their confidence both in and out of the bedroom.
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How did you get into domination?
I didn’t enjoy being touched during sex, so I had to take charge to avoid physical contact. That naturally led me into domination.
I was curious about the BDSM community and wanted answers from real people, so I sought them out. Their insight helped me get a firm understanding of domination, both in person and online. I also like being soft and helping someone have an enjoyable time — it’s fun seeing their reactions.
What’s the most common insecurity you’ve encountered among women regarding their bodies?
They think they’re not pretty enough, and I always ask them, “To who?”
Many compare their bodies to others, make assumptions, and develop the strangest insecurities. I always remind them that beauty is subjective, and even in the body they dislike, there’s always something worth appreciating.
I encourage them to shift their focus:
Find one thing you like about yourself and build from there.
Your body has carried you through so much — acknowledge its strength.
Get familiar with your body. Touch it, feel it, understand it. The more you do, the more comfortable you’ll become.
What advice would you give women to carry that confidence outside the bedroom as well in their regular lives?
If you’re the shit in the bedroom, why not apply the same energy outside of it?
Speak up for yourself. You are your best advocate.
Say when something displeases you. Don’t suffer in silence.
Put in your best and stay hydrated.
The same things that make you confident in the bedroom can help you own your power in your everyday life.
As a lesbian who also has male submissives, how do you navigate the dynamics of power and sexuality in your sessions?
My male submissives love degradation, and that’s why it works for me. They get off on knowing a lesbian, a woman they can never have, sees them as disgusting lowlifes. My job is to tear them down, and they love it.
I’m much softer with women. In fact, I refuse to degrade women. I know I could take it too far, and the next thing you know, someone is crying. Women internalise things more, and I don’t want them walking away thinking they’re anything less than the best.
Last question: What’s your take on the glamorisation of sex work and its influence on mainstream dating by the less informed?
I love what I do, but not everyone does. Many sex workers got into this job out of necessity. We had to devise ways to protect ourselves — financially and physically — in a world that doesn’t care about us. We developed these tips and tricks to help each other survive in the sex work landscape.
Over time, people started borrowing from sex workers — our positioning, power plays, and survival tactics — and applying them to regular relationships. But why? Love isn’t a transaction. We don’t love our clients.
All the ‘sprinkle sprinkle’ and strategic positioning we do is just advertising — it’s how we market ourselves in an industry that demands it. But when people try to force these tactics into normal, non-transactional relationships, it leads to avoidable grief.
I think people need to stick with what they know and not meddle in things they don’t really understand or have the full context of.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Efosa: It was in November 2017, when she sent an epistle to a point I raised in our alumni group during our end-of-year planning meeting. Her points were valid, but her tone felt accusatory, and I didn’t like it.
Ifeoma: He forwarded the response to my DM and said something like, “I respect your opinion, but in the future, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t address issues in an accusatory tone.” I read the message and chose not to respond.
Why?
Ifeoma: I clicked on his profile picture, and something about it screamed “spiricoco.” He didn’t seem like someone I wanted to engage further with, so I left him on “read” and avoided his posts in the group.
Efosa: It took a week to notice she wasn’t interacting with my posts anymore. I was tempted to send another message to confirm she’d seen what I sent the previous week, but I decided to let it slide since we didn’t have run-ins anymore.
I see. So, when did things turn around considering the rough start?
Efosa: The alumni community organised a Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR) project at our secondary school, and they needed a team in Lagos for an onsite evaluation. I had free time and volunteered, not knowing she’d also be there.
Ifeoma: I wasn’t thrilled to see him since I’d been avoiding him. But funny enough, he gave me a ride home that day because Bolt and Uber drivers weren’t accepting orders to the mainland. We visited the site a few more times, which led us to start talking. I realised how easy he was to talk to. He was funny and surprisingly laid back.
Efosa: Spending time together changed the trajectory of our relationship. I’d always thought that people are a strong reflection of their online personality, but Ifeoma proved me wrong. It was hard to connect the Ifeoma who’d readily clap back online to who she was in person — she’s far more pleasant and definitely doesn’t pass her points across with accusations.
We were often the last two people left after meetings, and our conversations started flowing naturally. We became friendlier and started talking more.
What did you talk about?
Efosa: We talked about our family, interests, and even our love lives. During one of our conversations, I learned she’d just gotten out of a relationship. That made me more interested since I’d been single for a while and was ready to date again.
Ifeoma: He always steered our conversation toward love and our romantic life. At first, it was off-putting because it made me revisit my last breakup, which wasn’t my favourite topic. But it was also interesting to see how he thought about love. In my head, I knew I wasn’t ready to date again. Also, as I mentioned earlier, I still got that subtle “spiricoco” vibe from him, which wasn’t what I wanted.
What were you looking for, and did he give off this “vibe” in person?
Ifeoma: Yes, but it wasn’t as dominant as I thought it would be. He was attentive, funny, and knew how to make people feel comfortable — qualities I wanted in a man. Honestly, it was a bit disarming because it made me realise I might have misjudged him.
Efosa: To be fair, my fashion game wasn’t exactly the best at the time, and I barely socialised. I guess that contributed to how she saw me.
Right. So what happened next?
Efosa: A few months after the project ended, I sent her a message out of the blue, inviting her to lunch on my birthday. I didn’t expect a yes since she’d turned down previous invites, but she surprised me and agreed to come.
Ifeoma: I turned down the previous invites because I didn’t want to send the wrong signals. But by this time, I’d started seeing him differently. I realised I’d misjudged him based on a single interaction in the group chat. In person, he made you feel like you were the most important person in the room. So, when he asked me to lunch on his birthday, I thought, “Why not?”
Efosa: Having lunch together also sealed how I felt about her. I already liked her, but that day confirmed it. I went back home knowing I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. Three months later, I officially asked her to date me.
Ifeoma: He showed up at my home with gifts, a handwritten note and lots and lots of chocolates. There was no way I was turning him down. Of course, I said yes.
Sweet. How did things progress after you became a couple?
Ifeoma: We were enjoying our relationship and taking things slow. Our families knew we were together, but we didn’t let ourselves feel any pressure to rush into anything serious. At least, not until I found out I was pregnant.
Oh
Efosa: That was a huge shocker. We weren’t planning for it, and it caught us off guard. But it wasn’t just about the baby for me; it was about what the pregnancy represented for us as a couple. My family, especially my mum, made it clear they expected us to get married before the child arrived.
Ifeoma: At first, I wasn’t sure how to feel. On one hand, I was happy because I loved him. But on the other hand, I wasn’t ready for the leap into marriage. We were just finding our rhythm as a couple, which I didn’t want to lose by rushing into marriage and becoming parents almost immediately.
Did you talk to your family about how you felt, Ifeoma?
Ifeoma: Not really. They were already over the moon about the baby, and I didn’t want to disappoint them. Plus, Efosa and his family were on board with getting married, and that made me feel like it was the right decision.
Efosa: It wasn’t an easy decision, though. I had to think about how marriage and parenthood would change our dynamics and if we were truly ready for it. But at the end of the day, I didn’t want her to feel like she was alone in this.
We got married in a small ceremony with family and close friends in 2020, about seven months after she got pregnant.
Ifeoma: I think it’s one of the things I loved about being pregnant at the time. It was so easy to get our families to agree on a quiet and intimate ceremony. We told them we were going to have a big naming ceremony. Sadly, that never happened.
We lost our son.
I’m truly sorry
Efosa: He was alive for just a few minutes before he passed. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced. One moment, we were preparing for the happiest day of our lives, and the next, we were making funeral arrangements. I had to bury him on my own because Ifeoma was still recovering in the hospital.
Ifeoma: I went into labour two weeks before my due date, and the complications came out of nowhere. I remember waking up after the delivery with Efosa by my side, but the baby wasn’t. When he told me what happened, I couldn’t process it. I cried every day for weeks.
Efosa: I don’t like to remember that time of our lives. I was also grieving, but I had to be strong for her. At the same time, I didn’t know how to support her fully. How do you even comfort someone after something like that?
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How did the loss affect your relationship?
Ifeoma: It was like a storm we weren’t prepared for. We were already adjusting to married life, and then this happened. I became withdrawn and angry, mostly at myself. I kept thinking, “What if I had done this differently? Maybe our son would still be here.” Efosa tried his best to be there for me, but I know it wasn’t easy for him either.
Efosa: The house felt heavy, almost like the grief was a physical presence. We didn’t talk much, and it was tense when we did. I didn’t know how to share my own grief without adding to hers. But I also resorted to prayers. It just felt like the only option.
And do you think that helped you navigate cope with the period?
Efosa: Honestly, I don’t think we would have made it without God. We started seeing our pastor for counselling, which really helped. He encouraged us to talk openly about our feelings, even the uncomfortable ones.
Ifeoma: And we started praying together. We’d hold hands in the middle of the night and cry our hearts out. At first, it felt forced because I was so angry — angry at God, at myself, at the situation. But over time, it became a source of comfort. It reminded us that we were in this together, and that we weren’t alone.
I’m sorry. Would you say you’re in a better place now?
Efosa: Yes, but it’s a continuous journey. Grief doesn’t just disappear; you learn to carry it differently. But we’ve grown stronger as a couple because of it.
Ifeoma: I agree. Losing our son was the hardest thing we’ve faced, but it also showed us how resilient we are together. It made us appreciate the little things and cherish every moment we have with each other.
Have you tried again since then?
Ifeoma: We did. I got pregnant again last year. At first, I was overwhelmed with a mix of hope and fear. I didn’t know if I could go through everything again. But I told myself it would be different this time. Sadly, it wasn’t.
I miscarried at 11 weeks, and it broke me all over again.
Efosa: It felt like we were being tested again, and I didn’t know what else I could do to make it better. I wanted to stop trying after that. It wasn’t about not wanting children — I just didn’t want to lose her in the process. Her life means more to me than anything else.
Ifeoma: I sometimes feel guilty. I know he loves me, but there’s this constant pressure — from family, friends, even myself. Everyone keeps asking when we’ll have kids, and I find myself wondering if I’m doing something wrong.
Efosa: Her family hasn’t helped either. Last year, they brought up the topic during a family gathering, and I lost it. I told them off because I felt they were disregarding her pain. It’s like they care more about having grandchildren than her well-being.
Ifeoma: My parents were shocked because Efosa is usually so calm. But I appreciated it. It reminded me that he truly has my back, even when I don’t feel strong enough to stand up for myself.
Neat. So, where are you now?
Efosa: We’ve decided to focus on our marriage for now. No pressure, no timelines—just enjoy each other. We’re not closing the door on having kids, but we want to be in a good place emotionally and physically before trying again.
Ifeoma: It’s not easy, especially with the constant reminders from people around us. But we’re taking things one day at a time.
What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Efosa: Her resilience. Ifeoma is one of the strongest people I know. She’s been through so much, but she always finds a way to keep moving forward. It inspires me to be better every day.
Ifeoma: His unwavering support. Efosa makes me feel like I’m never alone, no matter how tough things get. He doesn’t just love me; he protects me, and I’ll always be grateful for that.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?
Efosa: I’d say a 9. We’ve had our big share of troubled times, but we’ve come out stronger. Ifeoma: It’s a 10 for me. Knowing we have each other makes everything worth it. There’s always room for growth, but I’m happy with where we are.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
Asking a girl to be your girlfriend is one of those unforgettable moments that stays with you — whether it’s perfectly romantic or hilariously awkward. So, how do you get it right? If you’re wondering how to ask a girl to be your girlfriend in a way that feels special and meaningful, you’re in the right place.
We spoke to 20 Nigerian girlfriends about how their partners popped the question and what made it memorable. From romantic love messages that made her swoon to grand gestures she never forgets, these stories will inspire you to aim higher — because a simple “Will you be my girlfriend?” text just won’t cut it.
1. Make it personal with a thoughtful touch
Personalisation can turn a simple question into a moment she’ll never forget. Ada, 27, gushed over how her boyfriend made the moment unforgettable.
“He gave me a book I’d been wanting for months,” she says. “Inside was a note that said, ‘Will you make this book lover the happiest guy alive and be my girlfriend?’ I couldn’t say no.”
By choosing something meaningful to her — something she had been talking about for a while — he showed that he was attentive and thoughtful, making her feel seen and valued.
Pro Tip: Pay attention to the little things that matter to her. Whether it’s her favourite book, a hobby she’s passionate about, or something she casually mentioned, a personalised gesture speaks volumes.
2. Take her on an adventure she’ll never forget
Grand gestures don’t always mean roses and candlelight, sometimes, take it outside. For Halima, 30, her boyfriend created a moment that combined their shared love for the outdoors with a heartfelt ask.
“He planned a surprise hike and picnic at a resort in Ibadan,” she reminisces. “While we were overlooking a beautiful view, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I mean, I knew he was up to something, but seeing him pull through made me appreciate the intentionality behind it. I’d definitely recommend this for hopeless romantics like myself.”
The beauty of tying your proposal to an experience is that it becomes a memory tied to your shared interests — perfect for adventurous couples.
You don’t need to always go all out to ask a girl out — sometimes, it’s the simplest moments that hit the hardest. Bola, 31, appreciated the straightforwardness of her boyfriend’s approach.
“I’m not entirely a fan of grand gestures,” she admitted. “I like to observe and see it happen for others, but me? Please, save the drama. My boyfriend asked me out during a movie night. He looked me in the eyes and said, ‘I think you’re amazing, and I’d love to make this official. Will you be my girlfriend?’ It was simple and straight to the point, but I loved how confident he was.”
Not every woman wants a grand gesture. Sometimes, the perfect way to ask is to speak honestly and from the heart. Confidence and sincerity are always a winning combo.
4. Involve her friends for a big surprise
Friends often play a big role in her life, so why not include them in her special moments? Tomiwa*, 28, still can’t get over how her boyfriend made her feel loved.
“My boyfriend planned a surprise dinner with my friends,” she said, grinning. “ The cake came out, and it had ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ written on it. It was so sweet and thoughtful. I couldn’t stop blushing all night, and it was even better that my friends could share that moment with me.”
Pro tip: Ask her friends about some of her preferences, especially if she’s the type to enjoy attention in a group setting. If she’s shy, skip this one.
5. Pop the question during pride month
For queer couples, Pride is already a time to celebrate love. So, why not take it a step further? Oge*, 29, shares how her girlfriend made the moment unforgettable.
“We were at our first Pride event together, and everything felt so cute,” she remembers. “During a break, she pulled me aside, gave me a rainbow bracelet, and asked if I wanted to make us official. I blushed the rest of the day.”
If there’s a shared event or festival that means something to both of you, it could be the perfect backdrop for a relationship milestone.
Simply being creative can turn the question of asking a girl to be your girlfriend from cute to unforgettable. That’s exactly how it played out for Fatima*, 25, whose special moment felt like a scene straight out of a rom-com.
“He set up a scavenger hunt within his compound with clues leading to places we’d shared special memories,” she shares. “The final stop was him holding flowers and asking me to be his girlfriend. I’m sure he must have gotten the idea from TikTok, but I loved it. It wasn’t the most conventional and boring style of just saying, ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’”
Listen, a little creativity goes a long way. Plan something unique — personalised playlist or handwritten notes — and she’ll always remember your effort.
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7. Turn food into a love language
If food is the way to her heart, why not make it part of your plan? That’s how Amaka*, 29, was won over.
“He knows how much I love cakes, so he went all out and baked cupcakes that spelled out, ‘Be Mine Forever.’ I only wished he made more cakes because I just kept staring and didn’t want to dig into the cute cupcakes. But yeah, he got an A for effort.”
Whether it’s cupcakes, a special dinner you made, or even her favourite small chops, food has a way of speaking directly to the heart. Here’s a killer smokey jollof rice recipe for inspo.
8. Ask during a shared routine
The magic of routine is that it feels familiar — until you add a special twist. For Ngozi*, 29, her boyfriend turned their usual evening walk into something more.
“We always walked around TBS and had interesting conversations about our day at work,” she recounts. “It was a routine we’d grown into. I’d wait for him to come to my office or I’d go to his place if I closed early. One day, mid-walk, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I mean, I told him I wanted another date so we could properly celebrate. But he got my first yes on that walk. It felt so natural and romantic.”
Understand that the best moments sometimes happen in the places where you already share memories. Whether it’s your favourite walk route or park, remember, it’s not entirely about the location but the meaning you attach to it.
Pro Tip: Have a friend or a family member secretly tag along so they can help you capture the moment.
9.Surprise her during a low-key hangout
When you know the potential LOYL well enough, even a casual hangout can turn into a romantic moment. This was exactly what Ijeoma’s*, 26, boyfriend did.
“I’d always mentioned how I wanted to go on a proper amala date, and the day he asked me out, it was at my favourite amala spot on the island,” she shares. “He casually asked me after we finished eating. There was also a live band playing music, and the entire thing felt like a well-thought-out Yoruba Nollywood romcom.”
The lesson here? Fancy isn’t always the best option when you’re thinking of how to ask a girl to be your girlfriend — just make sure it’s meaningful to her.
10. Consider using sentimental gifts
Have you ever wondered why you always have doubts about discarding items in your home? Exactly. Sometimes, it’s not just about the gift; It’s the meaning attached to it. And that’s what Tolu’s boyfriend keyed into.
“I’m single now, but my ex-boyfriend made a scrapbook filled with photos and memories of our hangouts,” she shares. The last page said, ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ It was so thoughtful and I don’t think anyone has topped that level of romance and intentionality.”
If you didn’t already know, here’s your cue to note that combining creativity with a sentimental touch is always a winning formula. For example, use throwback photos, keepsakes, or written notes to capture your shared story and make your ask more personal.
11. Make distance feel small with a thoughtful remote ask
Long-distance relationships come with their challenges, but the right amount of effort can make the sweetest moments possible. Uche’s* boyfriend couldn’t ask in person, but it didn’t take away from the moment.
“We had been doing long-distance for months, and one evening, he asked me to hop on a video call because he had ‘something important’ to tell me,” she recounts. “When I answered, he had a mini whiteboard with ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ written on it, and he flipped it over to reveal, ‘I already know your answer, but I want to hear you say it.’ I laughed so hard, but I won’t lie — it was cute. I said yes immediately.”
Pro tip: Small details — like a handwritten note, a surprise delivery, or a well-thought-out virtual date — can bridge the distance in a meaningful way.
12.Create a romantic moment with her favourite songs
If she’s a music lover, turn your playlist game up a notch. Ruqayyah*, 24, still can’t get over how her boyfriend popped the question using their favourite songs.
“My boyfriend made a Spotify playlist with songs that told bits and pieces of our love story,” she shares. “The last track was him asking me to be his girlfriend, and I gladly said yes.”
Music is deeply personal and a great way to say what words sometimes can’t.
13.Involve her family (If she’s comfortable with it)
If family means a lot to her, making them part of the moment can leave a lasting impression.
“My boyfriend asked me out during a surprise birthday for me,” Chidera, 27. recalls. “My siblings were in on it, and they all cheered me to say yes even though I already planned to do exactly that. It was really beautiful and I still don’t know how he managed to pull it off.”
To pull this off, ensure she’s comfortable with this public display before proceeding.
14.Make it a Valentine’s Day to remember
If you’re going to ask on February 14, it better be memorable. Tracy* still can’t get over how her girlfriend made the moment extra special.
“She planned a surprise picnic with all my favourite snacks. There were candles, fairy lights, and a handwritten note. After we ate, she pulled out a tiny box, and inside was a bracelet with my initials. Then she said, ‘Would you wear this as my girlfriend?’ I cried and said yes.”
Sure, Valentine’s Day proposals can be cliché, but with a personal touch, they can also be deeply romantic.
15. Or a birthday surprise she won’t expect
Birthdays are already a big deal, so why not add another reason to celebrate? Even better, you’ll never have a reason to forget your anniversary. Amara*, 30, recounts how her girlfriend pulled off the surprise.
“I was cutting my cake when I saw, ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ written in chocolate on the plate. I thought it was just cute plating until I looked up and saw her looking nervous. I screamed , ‘Of course!’.”
Tying the ask to a day that already holds meaning can make it even more sentimental. If you need inspiration, you should read our article on impressive birthday cakes.
The best place to ask? Somewhere that already holds sentimental value. Aisha’s*, 30, boyfriend turned nostalgia into a romantic moment, and the result? He got a yes.
“We met at a bookstore, so months later, he asked me to meet him there. When I arrived, he handed me a book titled, ‘Aisha and Ahmed’s Love Story.’ Inside, he’d written, ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ It was the sweetest thing ever.”
Bringing things full circle adds depth and meaning to the ask, making it even more special.
Pro Tip: Want to pop the question the same way? Nigerian printing brands like iPrints and Studio 24 have high quality photobooks with prices ranging from ₦30- ₦85k.
17.Make it a lowkey, Netflix and chill moment
Sometimes, the best moments happen when you’re just chilling together. Chiamaka’s* boo didn’t need a big spectacle to make the moment extra special.
“We were watching Netflix, and he suddenly paused the movie. He looked at me and said, ‘You know I really like you, right? Let’s make this official.’ It was so casual but felt so real. I mean, I paused a little because I didn’t see it coming, but he got a yes.”
To pull this off, make sure your movie selection is a solid rom-com that’ll get her blushing. For ideas, consider Jade Osiberu’s classic, “Isoken,” or Kemi Adetiba’s “The Wedding Party”. And if you’re not feeling these titles, you should check out these Nollywood rom-com recommendations which are available to stream on Netflix.
18. Make it a Godly affair
For some couples, faith plays a big role in their relationship, so what better place to make things official than your place of worship?
“We had just finished service, and we were sitting his my car, talking about the sermon,” Kenny*, 27, recalls. “Out of nowhere, he said, ‘I’ve prayed about this, and I know I want to be with you. Will you be my girlfriend?’ He said it with so much certainty and conviction, and I said yes without hesitation.”
If faith is important to both of you, a moment like this — rooted in shared beliefs — can make the ask even more meaningful. To spice things up a little, you should definitely consider a nice restaurant for their Sunday buffets, where prices usually start from ₦20-₦25k per head.
19. Plan a weekend getaway she won’t forget
If there’s ever a time to make a grand gesture, a vacation or weekend trip is the perfect setting. Derin’s man planned his ask around a relaxing getaway and got a yes.
“We had planned a short trip to Ibadan for the weekend, and I had no idea he had something up his sleeve. On the last night, after dinner, we took a walk around the resort, and he said something along the lines of, ‘I don’t want to go back home without making this official. Will you be my girlfriend?’ I took a moment to gather my thoughts and embrace him before saying yes.”
Listen, if you’re planning a getaway, it’s the perfect time to pop the question. Think of it as curating an experience that has a final destination. And it doesn’t have to be a grand getaway out-of-country or state getaway. It could be as simple as renting a short-let for the weekend. This article on how to plan a getaway will come handy.
20. Rent out your favourite restaurant for one hour
Sometimes, a little bit of planning and attention to detail can make a simple dinner feel incredibly special.
“He told me to dress up because he was taking me somewhere special,” Taiwo* says. “When we got to this cute fine-dining spot in VI, I noticed he had booked a private section just for us. As dessert came, the waiter placed a plate in front of me that said, ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ in chocolate drizzle. I was blushing so hard, I almost forgot to eat.”
If you’ve got the coins, a restaurant ask can really elevate the moment, especially when done with a little extra thought — like a private table or a surprise message. And while we know that finding the perfect spot can sometimes feel overwhelming, this article on romantic restaurants is a good place to start.
While we hope this guide helps you secure the absolute LOYL, we also want to prepare you for any outcome. Here’s a helpful article on how to handle rejection like a pro.
