I met Dabira when I moved to a new school in 2012. We were both in the same SS2 class, and we weren’t close, we were cordial. A few years later, we got into the same polytechnic for our ND and became roommates. Our close bond started growing.
What was your friendship with her like?
We were as tight as sisters. After our ND program, she went to a different school for her HND, but the distance had nothing on our friendship. She would come to my family’s house in Ibadan to spend holidays and weekends with me. I knew all her partners, and she knew mine. We took every chance we got to be in the same place, and it was like that for almost the entire duration of our friendship. We had no secrets from each other. Or so I thought.
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What made things boil over?
In May 2021, while I was scrolling on WhatsApp, I saw an update on Dabira’s status. It was a photoshoot for her wedding. Dabira had gotten married, and I had no idea.
Ah! She didn’t tell you?
Not a word. I was so shocked, I tried to convince myself that it might be an elaborate prank. It wasn’t, o. She had gotten married, and she didn’t once mention the engagement, the prep, nothing.
Did you confront her about it?
Oh yes, I did immediately. I was so hurt that she didn’t want to share her special day with me, or at least even invite me to celebrate with her. I’ve known her husband since he first started toasting her.
Dabira and I spend so much time together; why would she keep their wedding a secret from me? When I told her how I felt, she said she didn’t think it was a big deal and asked me not to be angry. Her excuse was that the wedding took place in Lagos and since I lived in Ibadan, she didn’t want to “stress” me by making me take the trip to Lagos. A trip that I’d made many times before o.
Omo, I blocked her everywhere. I couldn’t wrap my head around her excuse, and I felt she didn’t want me there. She sent so many of our mutual friends to beg me, but I didn’t budge.
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Whoa, so she’s still blocked?
Well, no. In 2022, I started to really miss her and I wanted to move past what had happened. I called her, and she was also very open to it. We talked like the old days and it seemed like our friendship was slowly healing. Then, in August 2023, she called me excitedly to tell me she just had a baby. I was so happy for my friend, so I asked her for details about the naming ceremony so I could be present and support her. Her response? “Oh, the baby is almost three months old now.” It felt like the wedding all over again. It just felt like I was the last person to know about anything happening in her life, but when it came to mine, she knew everything there was to know about me.
How did you react this time?
I just withdrew almost entirely from the friendship. We’re still cordial, but it’s obvious to me that she’s not my best friend. At least not anymore, and I’ve made my peace with it.
Would you be open to reconciliation if she came back to you to try?
No. Being excluded from these milestone life events felt like a betrayal, and I don’t think our friendship can recover from that. I believe we are better off as acquaintances.
If you want to share your own Sunken Ships story, fill this form.
For a growing number of young Nigerians, the idea of family being sacred no matter what no longer holds weight. In a society where parental authority is rarely questioned and filial obedience is seen as a moral obligation, walking away from one’s parents is often considered unthinkable. But behind closed doors, many young people are quietly — and sometimes not so quietly — cutting ties with the people who raised them.
In this article, we speak to young Nigerians who have chosen to go no-contact with their parents. They open up about the reasons for their estranged parental relationships and what would make them consider reconciliation.
“I had to cut him off for my mental well-being” — Zainab* (24)
Why did you cut off your dad?
I cut off my father because he was a financially abusive and narcissistic person. He was never present, neglected my siblings and me, and always found a way to justify his actions instead of making up for them.
What would make you consider reconciliation with him?
I can never consider reconciliation with him. It’s not possible. I don’t think I have processed all the trauma I experienced while our relationship lasted. I had to cut him off for my mental well-being, and I’d like to keep it that way forever.
“He’s the most wicked man I know.” — Adanna* (27)
Why did you cut off your dad?
My father is the most wicked man I’ve ever had the misfortune of encountering in this life. He’s an abusive deadbeat, and his actions towards my family and me are unacceptable. My mother and the rest of my siblings are all estranged from him.
What would make you consider reconciliation with him?
Absolutely nothing. Except maybe when he kicks the bucket. I can perform sadness in hindsight so that people will send me condolence money. The economy is tough right now.
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“He’s refused to give me an apology” — Damola* (24)
Why did you cut off your dad?
I cut him off because he was an unapologetic deadbeat. He left when I was 2 years old, came back 21 years later and said he didn’t owe me any apology and that I should stop acting like a kid. I cut him off after he said that rubbish. Everyone else in my family has reconciled with him except me.
What would make you consider reconciliation with him?
I need him to make a genuine apology to me for what he said. I want him to reflect on his actions and understand why they were wrong. Maybe after that, I’ll be open to reconciliation.
“It’s better for my mental health if we never reconcile.” — Tomi* (26)
Why did you cut off your mum?
She’s way too toxic and controlling. She’s always trying to force me to do things her own way, forgetting I’m different from her and that even if I’m her child, I’m allowed to have different likes and dislikes. I just couldn’t deal with it anymore, so last year, I moved out without telling her my new location and changed my SIM.
What would make you consider reconciliation with her?
Nothing. It’s better for my mental health if we never reconcile.
“He lied about my younger brother’s genotype for over 17 years.” — Helena*(26)
Why did you cut off your dad?
I cut my father off after he lied about my younger brother’s genotype for over 17 years. He claimed the boy had an STD in order to hide the fact that he had sickle cell disease. He was also abusive, negligent, and emotionally absent all my life. When my mum had a serious accident, he abandoned her in pain for ten months without taking her to see a specialist. Mind you, this is a man who is locally praised as a family medicine consultant.
What would make you consider reconciliation with him?
Unless he apologises and does right by my mother, I’m not interested in any form of reconciliation. And even if he does, all he’ll get is probably forgiveness because I don’t know how to rebuild anything with someone who chose to break so much on purpose.
“She sent me off to work as a maid when I was about 10.” — Fayo*(28)
Why did you cut off your mum?
I cut off my mother because she sent me off to work as a maid when I was about 10. I was living with my grandmother, but she suddenly came one day, lied that my dad’s sister wanted to see me, and never took me back to my grandmother. I worked at that house for over two years. The only reason she even came to take me away was because the woman accused me of stealing her money, which I unfortunately lost when I went to run an errand for her.
What would make you consider reconciliation with her?
Nothing can make me consider reconciliation right now. The pain from that experience lingers, and all hopes of getting my mother to properly apologise for it or take responsibility for her actions are gone, so there’s no point. To her, she didn’t do anything wrong, and she gets defensive when I bring it up. The last time was the worst; it turned into a heated argument in which she cursed me out.
“He’s an unapologetic abuser.” — Boluwatife*(25)
Why did you cut off your dad?
I estranged myself from my father because he’s an abuser. There’s so much to resent him for as a father and how he treats his kids, but how he treats my mother takes the cake. He is emotionally, physically, financially and sexually abusive towards her and I couldn’t stand it anymore.
What would make you consider reconciliation with him?
Nothing in the world. That bridge is burned to the ground.
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“One day, my brother and I left the house, and refused to come back until our mother left him.” — Tolulope*(26)
Why did you cut off your dad?
He was very abusive, especially to our mother. So much so that one day, my brother and I woke up and left the house, and we refused to come back until our mother left him. She was scared to leave, but we didn’t budge, and that pushed her to divorce him officially.
What would make you consider reconciliation with him?
Nothing. I’m not sure how he got my number, but he called me 2 years ago and said he was dying, that he wanted us to forgive him. I couldn’t care less if he died. I wasn’t moved by the story and blocked him immediately.
“He’s emotionally and physically abusive to everyone.” — Tunrayo*(27)
Why did you cut off your dad?
My dad is emotionally and physically abusive to everyone– his many wives and children alike. It made me want to separate myself from my family initially, but my decision became final after he paid a visit to my school in Ibadan to confront me about my personal life decisions. He also started to beat me 2 years after I left home, and that was the final thing that made me decide not to go back home again.
What would make you consider reconciliation with him?
I don’t think anything would make me consider reconciling with him because even as recently as last year, he was still exhibiting this bad behaviour. I even noticed that the younger kids who are now the age I was when I left home are also leaving. It’s clear he’s not willing to change.
*Dewunmi (31) grew up fast and never expected life to hand him anything on a platter — not even marriage. In this week’s Marriage Diaries, he shares how responsibility shaped his idea of partnership, why boundaries matter, and why he believes love isn’t enough.
This is a look into Dewunmi’s marriage diary.
I’ve always seen marriage as work
My idea of marriage has changed many times throughout my life. As a teenager, I thought it was a romantic fantasy. You meet your person, fall in love, and everything becomes soft and happy forever. But that version of love didn’t survive adulthood.
By the time I was ready to marry, I’d already stopped seeing marriage as just companionship. I saw it as a skilled partnership — two people tackling life together, but with a clear structure. I don’t believe in 50:50. As a man, I believe you must take overall responsibility. Not because your partner is inferior, but because leadership brings stability. Still, that doesn’t mean you ignore her input. She’s your partner, not your subordinate.
This mindset didn’t just come from culture or religion. It came from experience. I had a tough childhood. I didn’t get the luxury of innocence. From a young age, I was caring for my siblings, taking charge of the house, even “parenting” my parents at times. So when marriage came, the idea of being responsible for someone else didn’t intimidate me. It just felt like a continuation of the life I already knew; only this time, the responsibility felt more focused, more intentional.
The only hesitation I had was about when to marry, not who. My family had strong opinions. But eventually, I had to shut out the noise and remind myself: these people won’t be in the marriage with me. They love me, sure,but they’re not the ones who’ll do the work. That clarity helped me make my decision.
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No one warns you about the permanence of marriage
You think you understand commitment when you’re dating, but nothing prepares you for the permanence of marriage. Your spouse is always there — in your space, your plans, your day-to-day decisions. You talk every day. You plan everything together. There’s no break. And that’s not a complaint — it’s just a reality that people don’t talk about enough.
That permanence also applies to your partner’s flaws. When you’re dating, you can overlook certain traits and hope they’ll change with time. But marriage forces you to accept that some things won’t. You either learn to live with those things or you live in frustration.
In my case, I thought my wife was shy and would eventually open up. But she didn’t — because she isn’t shy, she’s introverted. I’m introverted, too, but she’s the real deal. It took marriage for me to realise this isn’t a phase. It’s who she is. And that’s okay. I don’t need her to become someone else. I just needed to adjust my expectations.
Got a marriage story to share? Please fill the form and we’ll reach out.
Boundaries are everything
One of the earliest and most consistent sources of conflict in our marriage has been boundaries. I’m big on them. I believe every person, no matter how deeply in love or committed, should have personal standards that must be respected.
For me, it’s how I’m spoken to; how I’m approached; how certain lines shouldn’t be crossed — not because I’m difficult, but because comfort can breed carelessness. And I’ve seen it happen in other relationships, even in friendships. People start off respectful and careful, but once they get too comfortable, they begin to say things they shouldn’t, or act without regard.
I believe I’m an African man with reasonable expectations. I’m not asking for submission or blind obedience — I just expect that my dignity is protected, especially by the person I love. Unfortunately, insisting on these boundaries has led to arguments. But I’d rather fight for my peace than let resentment build over time.
Those moments taught me that being right isn’t always enough. You can be right and still say the right thing the wrong way. I now take time to cool off, think through what I want to say, and how I want to say it. It’s made communication easier. It’s made me easier.
Nobody tells you the sex will decline
One of the most surprising things about marriage is the way sex and romance naturally decline. I don’t know why more men don’t talk about it, but I think it’s one of those quiet secrets you don’t discover until you’re inside.
It’s not that you love your partner any less. It’s that life gets in the way. Children, responsibilities, bills. You’re not in a constant state of play or excitement. You’re in survival mode. Sometimes, you still find moments for romance and intimacy. But it’s not as frequent or spontaneous as it was at the start. And for many people, especially men who never hear these things discussed openly, it comes as a shock.
I still don’t know if our experience is the norm or if other couples have cracked the code to keeping the fire alive consistently. But I do know it’s something every couple has to confront in their own way. It’s not always about desire — sometimes it’s just about energy and bandwidth.
People often say marriage changes them. For me, it’s helped me recover a version of myself I thought I’d lost. I used to be angry and always frowning. But people who knew me as a kid said I was very cheerful. Somehow, marriage brought that version of me back.
I don’t feel like I’ve lost myself. If anything, I feel more settled. As the first child, I’d always carried the weight of being responsible for everyone. Now I feel like I only have to care for one person — and that’s been a relief.
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Don’t marry someone who loves you, marry someone who wants to stay married
If I could go back and advise my unmarried self, I’d say: never enter marriage expecting your partner to change. Ask yourself, “Can I live with them as they are right now?” If the answer is no, then don’t move forward. Change isn’t guaranteed. In fact, what you see is probably what you’ll get — permanently.
That’s also why I don’t believe love is enough. Love is real, but it’s emotional. It comes and goes. Some days, I feel deeply in love. Other days, we’re just running errands, checking off the life to-do list. And that’s fine. It doesn’t mean the marriage is broken. It means we’re human.
What sustains a marriage isn’t love. It’s commitment. It’s the shared understanding that you both chose this and want to keep choosing it. You have to marry someone who doesn’t just love you today, but wants to do the work of staying married tomorrow. Someone who understands that romance fades, but partnership is what keeps the house standing.
Got a marriage story to share? Please fill the form and we’ll reach out.
In this story, Benita* (33) shares how her 12-year marriage to Richard* (40) came to be and how her marital journey has been marked by infidelity and endurance.
This is Benita’s story as told to Betty
I met my husband at a mountaintop church in 2012. I had gone there to pray for a husband because, at 20, I believed I was ready to settle down; I just hadn’t found the man I felt God made for me.
That February, I visited a mountain top for a five-day prayer retreat. Men and women were separated during morning and evening prayers, but in the afternoons, we mingled during the lunch break at the only cafeteria. It was during one of those lunch breaks that I met Richard*.
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He was older, good-looking and very passionate about his Christianity. I was immediately drawn to him. Over the course of the retreat, he told me about his life and why he was there praying for a spouse. Richard was a youth pastor at one of the fast-growing Pentecostal churches springing up in Lagos. He had just ended a serious three-year-long relationship because, during marriage counselling, they found out he and his ex were both AS genotype. The split hurt him a lot, but he said God revealed in a dream that he’d be compensated with a virgin wife. That was why he had been visiting several mountain-top churches— to spiritually prepare himself for meeting this woman.
As soon as he said it, I got goosebumps. I was a virgin at the time. In my family, it’s taboo for a woman to have sex before marriage. For generations, the women in my family have married as virgins. Even the non-religious side of my extended family has rituals that punish women who lose their virginity before marriage. I shared this with Richard, and his surprise matched mine.
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We both felt like we had found the person God wanted for us. He asked the prophet in charge of the church about my family, and after he confirmed our virginity norm, we began our courtship. Our genotype tests showed I was AA, so there were no barriers to our marriage.
By May 2013, we were married. On our wedding night, he confirmed that I was indeed a virgin. I got pregnant with our first child—a son— that night. His family also adored me because I fit the traditional wife mould. I did everything I could to integrate into his Igbo family, even though I’m Yoruba.
Things began to shift in 2016 after we had our second child. Richard got restless. He resigned from his youth pastor position and started making irreligious friends. They’d go out drinking and partying, while I stayed home to care for the kids. Soon enough, I found out he was cheating on me with club girls and prostitutes. They went on weekend staycations and hotel getaways. I was devastated.
I reported him to his family and tried to leave him, but they begged me to stay. I was actually moved by how his family supported me. Richard tried to defend himself by claiming that sex with me had become boring. He said I didn’t know any “wild styles” that made him enjoy intimacy, but he never mentioned this or tried to teach me anything new. Richard loved the different experiences with these girls, and I realised that was what he wanted all along.
I got pregnant again in 2020 and gave birth to our last child, another girl. After she arrived, he slowed down on the partying for a while. I thought he finally wanted to focus on his family, but the truth was, the economy had gotten bad, and he simply couldn’t afford that lifestyle anymore. I tried to leave again in 2021 because I couldn’t seem to get past the past infidelities, but his family convinced me not to. They said that if I stayed and kept my home, no one would have a reason to call me the problem. But if I left, people would say I abandoned my home and husband. So I stayed. A large part of me felt they were right.
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Richard started going to church again this year, and he hasn’t had any new girlfriends as far as I know. He spends more time with the kids and comes straight home after work.
Nothing about our sex life has changed for the better, though. It’s probably gotten worse. I still don’t know any “wild sex styles” and I refuse to watch porn because I think it’s a sin. Sex with him feels like a chore now; I only do it when he initiates it. I don’t feel the same connection as I did when we first got married. I’m praying to God to fix it, but even if He doesn’t, I’ve accepted it as my cross in marriage— and I’ll carry it.
What’s not to love about birthdays? It’s the one day you’re treated like royalty. You get special treatment, a lot of gifts, and of course, countless birthday prayers from those that care about you.
*Rabi, 28, tells Zikoko that of all the birthday wishes she gets on her special day, birthday prayers are the ones that help her feel the most hopeful for the year ahead. “It shows that you have me and my well-being in mind,” she said.
That’s why we’ve put together over 100 birthday prayers and blessings you can copy, tweak, and send. Whether you’re texting it, writing in a card, or posting on your WhatsApp status for your special day, the perfect birthday prayer is right here.
Birthday Prayers for Yourself
One of the most powerful things you can do on your birthday is bless yourself. It’s a way to honour how far you’ve come and speak life into the dreams you’re still holding onto.
*Elija, 30, puts it perfectly: “Nothing beats praying for myself on my birthday. Who else knows what I need more than me? I like to write down a prayer just for me to crown the day.”
If you can relate, here are some powerful birthday prayers for you.
Today’s celebration fills me with thanks. May I keep growing stronger, even when times are tough, and stay hopeful for the future.
I’m grateful for my health, wisdom, and the chance to do good. May I use my talents to spread kindness and joy.
Heavenly Father, help me see the beauty in every moment and appreciate the blessings that come my way.
Happy birthday to an amazing person: me! May this year be filled with love, laughter, and blessings.
On my birthday, I thank God for another year of life fully lived. May I gain wisdom and love as I grow and find my true purpose.
On this special day, I am thankful for all the good things from the past year. May the Lord keep protecting and guiding my path.
Thankful for my life, I pray for wisdom and courage. May God’s blessings help me make life better for myself and others.
On my birthday, I reflect on all the good times and lessons learned. May God’s goodness and love guide me this new year.
Ya Allah, thank You for bringing me to another year. I pray for good health, strong iman, and success in both dunya and akhirah.
On this birthday, I ask for Your mercy, guidance, and the ability to fulfill the purpose You created me for. Ameen.
Ya Rabb, write ease into my story, barakah in my efforts, and peace in my soul. Let this new age be filled with khayr.
I pray that this new year of life brings me closer to You, and that every test is met with sabr and every blessing with gratitude.
May Allah make me among those who are grateful, humble, and always content with His plans. Ameen.
This special day is a reminder of all the love and blessings I’ve received. May the coming year be full of new joys and success.
Happy birthday to a strong, resilient, and courageous person—me! May I continue to grow and thrive in the coming year.
May this new chapter be the one where I walk lighter, laugh harder, and love deeper. I deserve all the goodness life has to offer.
I pray for clarity, peace, and courage. This year, I want to bloom without fear and grow in places I never imagined.
On this birthday, I choose to release what no longer serves me and welcome everything that uplifts me. May my joy be full.
May I be surrounded by people who value me, opportunities that excite me, and moments that make my soul smile.
Here’s to more grace, more growth, and a gentler life. I pray that this year teaches me how to truly live, not just exist.
There’s something extra special about getting a romantic birthday prayer from the person you love. “It shows I’m loved beyond the physical,” says Ella, 25. “Like, you’re not just concerned about buying me cake, but you’re also thinking about my spirit.”
Aside from love messages or romantic birthday wishes for your girlfriend or boyfriend, here are some romantic birthday prayers to bless your partner’s new year and remind them how much they mean to you.
My love, having you in my life is a blessing I’m thankful for every day. On your birthday, I pray that everything good finds its way to you, just like you found your way to me.
May today be as beautiful and tender as your heart. May the love you give so freely to me return to you in endless waves this year and always.
On your birthday, I thank God for blessing me with the most amazing partner anyone could ask for. My prayer is that your special day is filled with joy, laughter, and unforgettable moments. Happy birthday, my baby.
My love for you grows deeper with each passing year. On your special day, I pray our bond continues to strengthen and that life keeps being kind to your heart. May joy, health, and endless love surround you now and always.
You make my heart skip a beat, but I’d never skip your birthday! Today, I pray that you continue to shine, grow, and thrive. You’re truly a blessing, and I’m so grateful to love and be loved by you.
Heavenly Father, thank You for the gift of this incredible soul. As they celebrate another year, may Your grace go before them, may peace follow behind, and may our love grow even richer, deeper, and more joyful.
As you step into a new year, I pray your heart stays light, your dreams stay big, and your smile never fades. May our love grow stronger with every sunrise. Happy birthday, my heart.
On your birthday, I ask God to bless you with laughter that heals, peace that calms, and love that surrounds you, especially mine. You deserve every beautiful thing this life has to offer.
I pray that every day of this new year brings you closer to the dreams in your heart. May our love be a safe haven and a reflection of endless love.
Lord, as they grow another year older, may they grow even more in wisdom, strength, and favor. Let Your blessings overflow in every area of their life and ours together.
On your birthday, I thank God for blessing me with the gift of your presence in my life. My prayer for you is that you are always surrounded by love, laughter, and blessings beyond measure. Happy birthday, my love.
Lord, bless my partner with a heart that continues to seek You, and a life filled with the kind of love and peace only You can give. Let this new year be one of answered prayers and divine surprises.
I pray that every day of this new year brings you closer to the dreams God has placed in your heart. May our love be a safe haven and a reflection of God’s endless love.
Lord, as they grow another year older, may they grow even more in wisdom, strength, and favor. Let Your blessings overflow in every area of their life and ours.
Just as God’s stars light up the night sky, may His light continue to shine on you and guide your path. My love for you shines just as bright, today and always. Happy birthday, my dearest.
Ya Allah, thank You for blessing me with this love. On their special day, grant them a year filled with barakah, sakinah (tranquility), and all that brings joy to their heart.
May Allah (SWT) grant you peace in your heart, strength in your faith, and sweetness in our love. May this new year bring you closer to Him and closer to the joy you seek.
On this birthday, I pray Allah writes your name among those who will smile forever, in this life and the next. May He protect you, guide you, and bless our union.
Ya Rabb, reward their kindness, bless their efforts, and increase their rizq in every way. Let this new year be a testimony of Your mercy and favor in their life.
As you begin a new chapter, may Allah’s light surround you, His wisdom guide you, and His mercy never leave your side. May our love always be fulfilling and rooted in faith.
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Best Birthday Prayers for a Friend
Real friends don’t just dig up embarrassing throwbacks — they also say a little prayer. Of all the birthday messages for a friend, a heartfelt blessing says, “I’m rooting for you” the loudest.
*Zainab, 27, agrees: “Getting a prayer from my best friend made me really happy. I appreciated it more than the jokes and vibes.”
Whether it’s for your day-one bestie or that friend you’ve been meaning to reconnect with, here are some birthday prayers to make their day.
May this new age bring you closer to everything you’ve dreamed of. I pray for laughter that’s loud, peace that’s deep, and memories that last forever.
Happy birthday, bestie! I pray this year brings you answers where there’s been confusion, peace where there’s been chaos, and blessings that show up louder than your doubts.
May your new age come with fresh energy, soft wins, and the kind of joy that sticks. You deserve all the good things, and then some. Happy birthday!
On your special day, I pray that your heart stays light, your circle stays solid, and your dreams keep unfolding in beautiful ways. Cheers to more growth and glow!
As you celebrate today, I pray you feel deeply loved, seen, and celebrated. May this year surprise you with goodness and favor in ways you never expected.
I pray your path gets clearer, your bag gets heavier (amen), and your soul stays soft. Happy birthday to someone who deserves only the best.
May laughter never be far from your lips, may strength carry you through tough days, and may your wins this year make last year’s look like a warm-up. Happy birthday, Ore.
You’ve always shown up for others. This year, may life show up for you in unexpected, beautiful ways.
I pray this birthday marks the beginning of the best years of your life. May you grow in joy, confidence, and purpose.
May the kindness you give come back to you a hundredfold. I pray for fresh opportunities, more real friendships like ours, and new reasons to smile.
Here’s to a year of answered prayers and gentle moments. May your life bloom in ways you never imagined.
Heavenly Father, thank You for this amazing friend. May You bless them with wisdom, strength, and a heart that stays rooted in You this new year.
Lord, surround my friend with good people, open doors, and divine favor. Let this birthday be a reminder that their best days are still ahead.
I pray this new age draws them deeper into their purpose and closer to You. May they never lack joy, peace, or provision.
God, make this birthday the start of something fresh. May their faith never grow dim, and their heart always find rest in Your promises.
Dear Lord, give my friend a joyful heart and a year that is full of testimonies to Your goodness.
Ya Allah, bless my friend on their special day. May You grant them good health, halal sustenance, and peace in every area of their life.
I pray Allah (SWT) guides your steps, forgives your shortcomings, and fills this year with ease, mercy, and happiness. You deserve it all.
May this birthday be a doorway to barakah, protection from harm, and a deeper connection to your purpose and our friendship.
Ya Rabb, reward the goodness in my friend’s heart. Let this new age bring clarity, growth, and the companionship of people who uplift them.
On this birthday, may Allah’s Noor (light) shine upon you. May He grant you all that is best for you in this life and the next.
You might not be able to pray like your Nigerian mum (we know their prayers hit different), but your birthday blessings still mean something to your family.
*Mark, 23, says sending birthday prayers to her family helps her stay close, especially with relatives she doesn’t see often. “It reminds them that I still think of them, even if I’m not always around.”
These birthday prayers cover everyone in your family (especially that generous uncle that always presses money). Don’t sleep on these prayers.
May this new age bring peace to your heart, strength to your steps, and moments that remind you how deeply loved you are.
Mum, I’m so grateful for you — the root that holds our family together. I pray your days ahead are rich with happiness, health, and everything that fills your soul.
Daddy, as you celebrate today, may life return all the love and care you’ve poured into this family. This year will be good to you.
I pray for ease in your work, depth in your relationships, and light in your spirit. Happy birthday to a truly special part of our family.
Heavenly Father, thank You for the gift of my family. On this special day, may Your hand continue to rest on their lives and lead them into greater joy.
Lord, bless this birthday with fresh grace, divine protection, and the peace that passes all understanding. Strengthen their faith and renew their strength.
May the love of Christ dwell richly in your heart this new age. May every need be met and every burden lifted by His mighty hand.
Uncle, I pray you have a reason to rejoice every single day of this new year. Let your life be a reflection of God’s mercy and love.
I pray the Lord crowns your year with goodness, fills your home with laughter, and makes your path shine brighter with each passing day.
Ya Allah, bless my beloved family member with long life, strong iman, and hearts full of shukr. May every day of this new age draw them closer to You.
May Allah (SWT) protect you from harm, elevate your rank, and grant you rizq in all its forms—wealth, peace, and time with loved ones.
On your birthday, I pray that Allah writes ease in your story, surrounds you with love, and blesses you with sabr in every situation.
Ya Rabb, increase their days in goodness, surround them with sincere people, and make their journey through life smooth and meaningful.
May your life be filled with Allah’s mercy and your heart with gratitude. May He grant you both dunya and akhirah rewards.
Happy birthday to my partner in crime — my favorite sibling! I pray that this year brings you the wisdom to make better decisions, the courage to keep chasing your dreams, and the money to share with me.
To the one who knows all my secrets and still hasn’t sold me out — may your day be as sweet as the jokes we share and your year as blessed as our childhood memories.
Dad, on your birthday, I pray for God’s grace to continue shining on you, strength to keep being our backbone, and peace to enjoy all the fruits of your labor. I love you deeply.
Happy birthday, Mum — my first teacher. I pray this year grants you even more wisdom, joy, and serenity. May all the seeds you’ve sown in love and sacrifice come back to you multiplied.
Wishing you a fantastic birthday, Uncle! May God continue to bless and guide you. I pray that this year adds even more to the good that you’ve already done.
May you never lack, may you never fall, and may you never walk alone. Happy birthday to one of the best people in my life. I bless God for letting me be your family.
As you celebrate another year, I pray peace rests in your heart, love surrounds your home, and every step you take leads to greater testimonies. You’re deeply loved.
Professional Birthday Prayers for Colleagues and Bosses
You might not have a close enough relationship to keep things casual, but professional birthday prayers can still be the perfect way to express your gratitude and well-wishes.
As *Omoye, 42, puts it: “A birthday prayer from a colleague is a reminder that I am seen, respected, and appreciated.”
Whether it’s for a boss, colleague, or business partner, a well-written prayer can go a long way in maintaining a good work relationship.
Happy birthday! Wishing you continued wisdom, strength, and clarity as you lead and impact lives. May this year bring you excellence in all things.
May the Almighty bless you with peace, purpose, and promotion in all that you do. Thanks for being a source of inspiration.
May God guide your steps and crown your efforts with favor this new year. Happy birthday.
Here’s to a year filled with clarity, elevation, and joyful surprises. You deserve every good thing.
Wishing you continued wisdom, strength, and excellence as you step into a new year. May your birthday be the beginning of greater accomplishments.
May this year reward your efforts with success and fulfillment. I pray your journey ahead is marked by purpose and prosperity.
On this special day, may you be blessed with health, peace, and an abundance of meaningful opportunities.
As you celebrate today, I pray that your personal and professional paths continue to align with grace and growth.
Wishing you a birthday filled with quiet joy and renewed strength. May this year bring clarity, confidence, and calm to all your pursuits.
I pray that each new age brings you closer to your goals and deeper into the purpose for which you were created. Happy birthday.
May you be granted wisdom for every decision, favor in every space, and peace in every season. Wishing you a blessed birthday.
On this occasion, may your dedication be rewarded with success, your leadership be enriched, and your efforts be fruitful.
May this new age bring you serenity in your private moments and satisfaction in your professional milestones.
As you mark another year, I pray you walk into a future bright with potential, purpose, and grace.
Wishing you divine strength to carry every responsibility and the discernment to seize every good opportunity. Happy birthday.
On your special day, I pray for your continued impact and influence. May you lead with compassion and excel with integrity.
May your new year of life be blessed with meaningful relationships, sound health, and progressive achievements.
Happy birthday. May your presence continue to inspire, your efforts uplift others, and your journey be filled with purpose.
As you celebrate today, may you be surrounded by peace, uplifted by joy, and driven by excellence throughout the year.
May you continue to break new ground and set new standards. I wish you a birthday as exceptional as your contributions.
On your birthday, I pray you find rest in your efforts, reward in your work, and radiance in your journey.
The backbone of a lasting love is trust. For many Nigerians in relationships, it’s not just about grand gestures or public displays of affection — it’s about knowing that your partner is your safe space behind closed doors. Sometimes, a thoughtful love and trust message is all it takes to remind them that your connection is real.
Debola* (28) says, ”I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for two years now, and the messages I get from my partner have done a lot to strengthen our trust and love. Some days, those love messages are what keep me going.”
So if you need a moving love and trust message to make your partner feel loved and appreciated, try one of the 150+ messages we’ve curated from real Nigerians.
Best for: Girlfriend, fiancée, wife or any girl you care about.
Every woman wants to feel secure in her partner’s love, especially when life gets overwhelming or complicated. So, why not make her phone ding with a deep love message for her?
These love and trust messages will help you remind the amazing woman in your life just how much she’s loved, valued, and trusted.
You’re more than just the woman I love, you’re the peace I didn’t know I needed. With you, my heart is at rest because I trust you completely.
I feel safest when I’m with you because you don’t just hear me, you understand me deeply. You’ve become the safest place I know, and I’m grateful for it.
My Achalugo, your love calms me in a way nothing else can. I trust you with the most vulnerable parts of me, and I’ve never regretted it.
Even in a noisy world, your presence brings peace and clarity. You’re my calm, my comfort, and my constant. I trust you with my life, my love.
I never believed love could be this steady until I met you. I thank you for showing me that consistency is the most beautiful form of love.
Your loyalty is rare, and your heart is gold. You hold me down in every season, and I will never take that for granted.
I trust you not because you’re flawless but because you’re perfect the way you are. I love how you show up for me with honesty and no sneakiness. I will always cherish you.
I love that I’ve never had to pretend around you. Your love allows me to be my full self without fear or shame. You will always have my trust.
I trust the way you love, the way you think, and the way you show up. You’ve never led my heart wrong.
Every day with you feels like a beautiful reminder that love still exists. You bring light into my life in ways I never imagined. With you, I have learned to trust again, and I will not take it for granted.
You’re not just a part of my life; you’ve become the most meaningful part of it. The love you have entrusted to me has changed everything about the way I look at life. I love you.
You don’t just tell me you love me, you prove it with every action, every choice, every little detail. I can never get enough of what we have.
I trust you with my heart because you’ve held it with care since day one. You’ve never given me a reason to doubt you, and that’s why I’ll love you as long as I have breath.
You’ve seen me at my worst and still loved me the same. That kind of love is rare, and I’ll never take it lightly.
I love that you listen to understand, not just to reply. I love that I can trust you with my innermost thoughts without fearing judgment. You make me feel heard in a world full of noise.
You’ve brought peace into my life in places I didn’t even know were chaotic. Thank you for loving and trusting me so much. I’ll make sure you never regret it.
I trust you not just with my heart, but with my life. You’ve earned that trust with your steadfast love, and all you do for me.
I can be vulnerable with you because I know you won’t use my weaknesses against me. You love me fiercely even when I don’t feel strong. You are my rock.
You’re not just my girlfriend, you’re my peace, my friend, my partner. I trust you with everything I have in me.
I trust you completely because you’ve never given me a reason to doubt you. That’s something rare and precious I will always cherish. Thank you for being mine.
No matter what happens, I want you to know that I trust you, I value you, and I’m forever committed to the love we’re building together.
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You are the peace my heart searched for in a noisy world. I trust you with my love because you’ve proven to be the safest place for me to come to every time.
Every day, I wake up grateful that I have you by my side. You’ve brought me more joy than I thought was possible. I sleep with both eyes closed because I know you always have my back.
I trust you completely, not just with my heart but with the vulnerable parts of me no one else sees. You’ve handled my flaws with so much grace, and I will always strive to be better for you.
When I’m with you, I feel like I can be myself — no fear, no masks. You love me as I am, and that’s priceless.
You are the woman who brings light into my dark days and joy into my quiet moments. There is nothing I can’t trust you with. I feel so blessed to walk through life with you.
I don’t know how you do it, but you always know exactly what I need. That kind of love only comes from a true connection, and I will never do anything to put ours in jeopardy.
You’re the reason I believe in love. With you, I feel understood, supported, and safe. I’m so happy to share my life with you.
I never imagined I’d meet someone who could love me so purely. You’ve changed my definition of love, and I’m truly thankful.
I trust you because you’ve shown me consistency, not just in words but in actions. That’s the kind of love I’ve always prayed for.
You’ve given me a love that feels like home — warm, secure, and honest. I don’t take that for granted.
I didn’t know it was possible to feel this safe in love. With you, I’ve never second-guessed myself. I’m so grateful that you’re in my life.
Your loyalty and patience blow me away every time. I trust you with my heart, my future, and my whole life.
I used to be scared of love, but the loyalty and love you’ve shown have made me excited about forever. You are my answered prayer.
You don’t just hold my hand, you hold my heart carefully. That’s why I trust you without fear.
The way you protect my peace and stand by me makes me feel truly loved. You’re not just my woman, you’re my blessing.
You’re not perfect, and neither am I, but somehow, we’re perfect together. I trust what we’re building together deeply.
I trust you to hold space for my fears, my dreams, and my growth. With you, I feel free to be myself around you, and I will love you forever.
Best for: Boyfriend, fiancé, husband or any guy you care about.
Nigerian men appreciate loyalty and reassurance. They want to know you’ve got their back no matter what. And what does that better than a deep love message for him?
These love and trust messages will help you remind him that he’s your person, and your heart is with him completely.
You make me feel protected in a way no one else ever has. Being with you gives me a peace I didn’t even know I was searching for.
I love how you’re consistent with your words and actions. I never have to doubt where I stand with you, and I love you so much for that.
With you, I feel safe, deeply seen, heard, and loved. It’s the kind of love that doesn’t come around often, and I’ll never take it for granted.
I trust you completely — with my heart, my dreams, and even the parts of me I usually hide. You’ve shown me what safety in love looks like.
You don’t just say you love me, you prove it in quiet ways every single day. That kind of love is rare, and I’m lucky to have you.
When I’m with you, the world feels a little less heavy. You make even hard days feel easier to handle. I love you so much.
Your strength is more than physical. It shows in the way you encourage my dreams, hold my emotions and banish my fears. You are the most steadfast thing in my life and I love you so much.
You treat me with kindness, even when I don’t think I deserve it. That’s a love I will never take for granted.
I never have to second-guess your intentions. You’re transparent, loyal, and trustworthy. You are everything I’ve ever wanted in a man.
You’re the type of man who makes a woman feel safe enough to be soft. And I love that I can fully be myself with you.
I trust your decisions because I trust your heart. You’ve shown time and again that you lead with love.
I love the way you protect my peace, not just physically but emotionally. Your presence brings a sense of calm to me no matter what’s happening.
There’s something steady about your love that makes me breathe easier. I know you’ve got my back, and I rest easy at night knowing you’re on my team.
I respect the man you are and the man you’re becoming. It’s a beautiful thing to watch and grow with. I have complete trust in where you’re taking our relationship to. My love for you is immeasurable.
Thank you for loving me with intention. You don’t just go through the motions, you make every moment with you feel real. I will always have your back, no matter what.
I know I can be a lot sometimes, but you never make me feel like I’m too much. I trust you enough to be my true self around you, and it’s not a thing I take for granted.
Your love is quiet, deep, and powerful. It’s an anchor that keeps me grounded. Thank you for being a safe place for my head to rest. I love you deeply.
You’ve created a space for me to grow and evolve. Loving you feels like breathing, natural and necessary. Your steadfastness makes it so easy to trust you.
I trust you to have my back, even when I’m not at my best. My partner in crime, you’re solid, and that’s everything.
You’re the kind of man I feel proud to call mine. Everything about you inspires respect and loyalty. I wouldn’t trade you for the world.
Baby, you have showered me with the kind of love that I used to read about in books. Your tender heart and gentle hands have made it so easy to trust and love you. I can’t wait for all the years we will spend together.
You’ve been my rock, my shoulder, and my safe space. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you. You’ll always have my love and loyalty.
My darling, I want to tell you how much I trust you. I breathe easy around you; you make even hard decisions feel like a walk in the park. I will love you forever.
I admire how you stay true to who you are. You’re a man of your word, and I trust you with my whole heart.
Light of my life, you’re strong, gentle and trustworthy. I have never and will never doubt how much you love our little family.
Your love is such a powerful thing. I trust it completely; I have never felt so safe in anyone’s arms.
You’ve seen the real me but still chose to love me wholly. There is no better person to entrust my love to. I will always sing your praises.
I feel so proud to be with you. You’re not just my man, you’re my peace, partner and my pride. I trust you with all that I have in me.
I trust you not to just hold my hand, but to also hold my heart with care. You have all my loyalty forever.
You make me feel like I’m your priority, not an option. That reassurance gives me peace, and for that, I will always stand by you.
I love you, not just for what you do, but for who you are. I trust you with every part of me, and I always will.
Love and Trust Messages for Long-Distance Relationships
Best for: Romantic partners and people you care aboutwho live far away.
Being in a long-distance relationship is not easy, especially with Nigerian network wahala and adjusting to different time zones. But when the bond is strong, love will find a way to say “I miss you.”
These love and trust messages are perfect for feeding the flames of your love and reminding your person that no matter the distance, your heart hasn’t moved an inch.
Even though we’re miles apart, my heart is always with you. Distance may test us, but it will never break the trust that we’ve built together.
I miss you every day, but I never stop trusting us. Our love is strong enough to beat any distance.
It’s not easy being far away from you, but knowing you love me keeps me going. You’re worth every second of the wait, and nothing will make me doubt it.
I trust you with everything in me, even when we’re not together. You’ve proven that love isn’t about proximity, it’s about trust, consistency and commitment.
Some days are harder than others, but I hold onto the memories and the future we’re building. I know we’re working towards something beautiful.
I may not be able to hold your hand every day, but I hold you in my heart every minute. You’re constantly with me in spirit, and my loyalty to our love is complete.
Distance hasn’t changed the way I love you. It’s only made me stronger and more certain. You’re my person, and I will choose you over and over again.
We’re not apart because we don’t love each other. We’re far away from each other because we’re building towards something that will last forever. And I trust in the future we’re building.
I trust that every call, every message, and every late-night chat means as much to you as it does to me. We’re in this together, and I’m counting the days until I can hold you again.
Being far away from you hurts sometimes, but I never doubt your loyalty. I know that you have my back even if I’m not around. You mean the world to me.
We might not see each other every day, but our bond grows stronger with each moment. I grow to love you more each day.
Your love and trust across this distance between us gives me something to look forward to. I count down the days until I can hold you again.
Even across cities or continents, my heart still beats for you. You’ve captured it, and I will always trust you to keep it safe.
There’s no one else I’d rather do this with. If I could go back in time to choose again, I’d still choose you — distance and everything included.
You make this distance feel worth it because what we have is rare, and some people never find it. I’m so grateful to be sharing this love with you.
We’re apart physically, but emotionally, you’re closer to me than anyone else. That’s love that distance can’t touch.
Some people say long-distance relationships never work, but it’s because they don’t understand the kind of trust bonds that hold us together. Our love is louder than the space between us.
I’ve never trusted anyone the way I trust you. I know you’ll never do anything to break what we’ve built, and that makes me love you even more.
Sometimes, I close my eyes and imagine you here with me. Until then, I’ll hold on tightly to your words and our dreams for our future.
Our late-night calls, silly texts, and deep conversations are the glue that holds me together while we’re apart. I love and trust you deeply.
You’re not just my partner, you’re my peace and my reminder that love can survive anything, even different time zones.
I know this separation isn’t forever. One day, we’ll wake up next to each other, and all of this waiting will be worth it. I adore you so much.
Your loyalty across the miles gives me hope. You’ve never made me feel alone, even in your absence, and I love you so much for it.
I never imagined I’d be in a long-distance relationship, but you make it feel so easy. I trust you so deeply, and I love you like I love breathing. I can’t wait till we’re together forever.
You’ve never given me a reason to doubt you. Even through the screen, a whole continent away, I can feel your love around me like a warm hug.
I trust that we’re building something that will last beyond this season. One day, this distance will be just a memory, and I’ll be able to give you all the love I’ve been keeping for you.
Sometimes, I miss you so much it physically hurts, but knowing we’re both committed makes the wait a little easier. I’m counting down until we can be together again.
I never thought I could handle a love like this, but you’ve shown me what it means to be patient and faithful. We’ve both grown so much, and I can’t wait to see how much more changes as our love grows even stronger.
You’ve taught me that distance doesn’t mean disconnection. We’re more emotionally in tune now than ever, and I love you even more for it. I’m glad I trusted your judgment.
I can’t wait for the day I no longer have to say, “I miss you.” because you’ll be in my arms. Until then, I’ll keep holding on to the trust and love we’ve built.
I don’t feel insecure or unsure with you — even from a distance. You’ve given me every reason to trust you. I love you, my baby.
This distance is only temporary, but our love is forever. I believe in us with all my heart. I’m counting down the days till we’re together again.
Every couple fights once in a while. Even the ones that seem perfect on the outside. What sets lasting love apart is the willingness to come back together, resolve the issue and grow stronger.
These love and trust messages will help you express your heart after a disagreement and remind your partner your love is forever.
I know we argued, but my love for you hasn’t changed one bit. I still want us, and I’m willing to work through anything with you.
We may not always agree, but I never want to fight against you. I want to spend that energy fighting for us instead. Our love can defeat any issues we may have between us.
I hate that we argued, but I love that we care enough to feel deeply and speak our minds so clearly. Know that I will only ever tell you the truth, and I’ll keep nothing from you.
No matter how upset I am, I never want to go to bed angry with you. You matter too much to me to risk our love. Let’s talk about this again, okay?
I know I wasn’t my best self today, and I hate that it hurt you. Please know that I’m still learning, and I love you deeply.
We both said things we didn’t mean, but I want you to know I value our connection more than any argument. My love for you is stronger than any ego or pride. I apologise for the things I said, please forgive me.
This fight doesn’t change how I see you. You’re still the one I trust, the one I love, and the one I want to build with. Being a couple means going through these uncomfortable conversations. Thank you for hearing me out today.
Even when we argue, I never stop being grateful that you’re mine. I love you, and I trust you, which is why I can speak so honestly about these things. Please, let’s start this conversation over.
I know we both felt hurt, but I believe our love is big enough to hold both our feelings. We can rehash this issue another time, I just want us to stop fighting.
This relationship means more to me than winning an argument. I’d rather understand you than prove a point.
After every disagreement, I still want to come home to you. That’s how I know my heart is safe with you.
I hate fighting with you, but I love that we care enough to come back together. I want to understand where you’re coming from. If we trust each other, we’ll be honest with each other.
I was upset, yes, but I was never against you. I want to fix this because you’re too important to lose.
I trust you, even when we don’t see eye to eye. That love is what will bring us back together no matter how many disagreements we have.
I may have misunderstood you, and I’m sorry for not listening well enough. I care about your feelings and I want you to trust me when I say I’m in this with you for the long haul.
You’re still my favourite person, even on our worst days. That’s how I know this love is real. I’m willing to talk about this again when we’re both calmer. I love you and trust you. There’s nothing we can’t overcome if we’re together.
Even during fights, my heart still chooses you. That will never change. I apologise for any hurtful things I said during our fight. I love you, and I want us to fix this.
I trust that our love is strong enough to bounce back from anything. Let’s reset, recharge, and keep moving forward together.
We don’t need to agree on everything to build a love that works. If we continue to trust that we’re both coming from a place of care, I know we can get through this. I love you, and I want us to grow together.
I understand that it’s not enough to say words; I need to use my actions to back them up. I love you, my darling, and I never want to do anything that will make you doubt our love. I’m going to work on these issues you’ve raised.
I trust you implicitly, my darling. I’m sorry that we argued and I want to fix it, what can I do?
You will always be my number one person, no matter what we argue about. This small disagreement cannot tarnish the incredible bond of love and trust we have built together.
Best for: Apologising to a romantic partner or someone you care about.
Sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say is, “I’m sorry.” Whether you said the wrong thing, caused a misunderstanding, or just want to fix the vibe, one of these apology messages will help you do so sincerely with love, humility, and the hope of rebuilding trust.
I’m truly sorry for how I acted — you didn’t deserve that. I let my emotions get in the way, and I promise to do better.
Please forgive me for the hurt I caused. You mean too much to me, and I hate that I let you down.
I know my actions didn’t reflect how deeply I love you. I hope we can talk about this honestly and trust each other to fix it.
You have every right to be upset, and I take full responsibility. My love for you hasn’t changed, and I’ll do whatever it takes to rebuild your trust.
I behaved out of frustration, not love, and for that, I’m sorry. You deserve patience, and I’m begging you to trust that I will change.
I hurt your feelings, and I hate that I did. Please trust me when I say it was never intentional — I love you deeply.
Please, trust that I value this relationship more than my ego or being “right.” I’m sorry. Let’s work through this, please.
I miss when we weren’t fighting, but I know you need space for now. Still, I wanted you to know that I’m sorry and that I’m thinking of you. Let me know when you’re in the mood to talk.
I let you down, and I can’t pretend it didn’t happen. I’m deeply sorry, and I hope we can rebuild the trust we had in each other.
You mean the world to me, and I never want to be the source of your pain or distrust. I’m truly sorry, baby.
I said things I didn’t mean, and I regret them deeply. Please allow me a chance to make things right. I love you so much, and I want to make this work.
I let my pride speak louder than my love, and I hate that. I’m sorry for not choosing softness in that moment.
I know “I’m sorry” can’t fix everything, but I hope it can start the healing process. I miss you, and I love you.
My heart aches knowing I’ve hurt you. Please forgive me, not because I deserve it, but because I’m ready to change and fix things.
I understand if you need time apart, but know that I’m here, ready to earn your trust again.
I never want to be the reason for your tears. I’m sorry, my love — deeply and honestly.
You’re too important to me for us to stay disconnected like this. I want to earn your trust again. Let’s talk when you’re ready, please.
I know I broke something sacred between us. I’m committed to healing it, brick by brick, with love and new trust.
I was wrong, plain and simple, but please know my love for you is still pure and real. I will do anything to make this situation better. Please, let’s start this conversation again.
I’m not just sorry for what I did but for how it made you feel. I never want you to feel unsafe with me. I want our love to be a place where you can always be yourself with no reason to hide.
You have every right to feel how you feel. I respect that, and I’m sorry for not treating your feelings with more delicacy. If you trust me with one more opportunity, I promise to handle our love with care.
I spoke from anger instead of understanding. That’s not who I want to be with you, my love. I apologise, and I promise to do better every day.
I love you, and I don’t want to lose you over a moment I deeply regret. Please let’s find our way back to each other and remember the bond we have.
My biggest mistake was forgetting how precious your heart is even for a moment. I promise to treat it with more care going forward.
Even when I fail you, I still love you with all I have. I just hope that our love can still find its way back to us and we can heal from this fight.
If I could take back the hurt, I would. Since I can’t, I promise to spend every day making up for it with love and trust.
I hate that I made you feel distant from me during our fight. Our love is not one I want to lose to little arguments. Please let’s discuss the issue again. I promise to be more patient this time.
I want us to feel safe with each other again. I’m willing to do the work, and I hope you’ll want to go on this journey with me, too.
Please, don’t mistake my silence for indifference. I’ve just been trying to find the right words. I’m sorry for the things I said the last time we spoke. Can we talk about how to rebuild our love?
I love you, and I’m sorry I made you doubt that. I want to promise you a fresh start with no hurt. Please, let’s talk about this.
I promise never to give up on our love. I’m willing to do the work to keep our love and trust alive. Do you want to talk about it with me?
My darling, I’m deeply sorry about the harsh things I said during our fight. I will never bring up an issue just to fight, I want us to understand each other better.
My love, you are the reason my heart beats, and I hate when we fight. Please know that I’m ready to talk when you are, and I want to make this work.
If you’ve ever felt like a clown in the name of kindness, just know the circus is full. There’s a special kind of pain that hits you when you go out of your way to help someone and they act like you did nothing– or worse, like you’ve offended them. From borrowing money for them, to raising someone like your own child, these stories from seven Nigerians are here to remind you that sometimes, ingratitude can be its own heartbreak.
“He said my hands smell like onions” – *Kemi, 22
Some talking stages will show you pepper. For *Kemi, it was the kind that made her sweat over a pot of jollof rice at midnight.
“Back in university, I had this eternal talking stage. One night around 9 p.m., he said he was hungry. I jumped at the chance to see him and offered to cook. The power was out, I don’t even like cooking, but I still went to make jollof rice from scratch.
Because I didn’t want my roommates to mock me, I hid the food under the staircase like I was hiding contraband. By the time I took it to him, it was nearly midnight. He collected it, looked me dead in the eye and said, ‘Your hands smell of onions. Use salt to wash it off next time.’ No thank you. Nothing. He just walked away with the food.
Foolish me didn’t leave him immediately, but that was the moment I knew he wasn’t worth it. And yes, now I always wash my hands with salt after cutting onions because I never want to be insulted again.”
“She shouted at me in front of everyone” – *Mike, 23
“I had just resumed at a new job when the office cleaner started acting all friendly. One day, she asked me to buy her lunch. I went out of my way to order something really nice, even more expensive than what I’d normally buy for myself.
When I gave it to her, I got a dry ‘thank you’, different from the chummy behaviour I’d gotten used to. I expected her to be more appreciative, but I brushed it off.
Some days later, our team lead ordered pizza for everyone. We let her help with sharing, and she took an entire box for herself. Some of my team members hadn’t gotten any, so I calmly asked if she could share from the one she took. Before I could even finish my sentence, she started shouting, making a scene in front of everyone. I was so embarrassed and annoyed. That was the last time I tried to be nice to her at work.”
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“She told me to go and collect my money back” – *Iyabo, 52
*Iyabo thought the biggest betrayal came from strangers. She didn’t expect it to come from someone she raised like her own.
“I took in a girl from the village and cared for her like she was mine for seven years. I trained her through school, taught her to speak English, and did everything from hiring tutors to following her for exams when she was trying to get into university.
She finally got admission into a prestigious university after many tries. I even pulled strings to make it happen.
Just before she resumed, I caught her having an explicit chat with a man she met on Facebook, which had been going on for a while. I took her phone and told her parents about it. They begged me not to send her away, and I didn’t. My only plan was to counsel her to do better.
Weeks later, she told me to find a way to collect the money I had already paid as fees because she was done staying with me. She packed up and left, just like that. As if the past seven years meant nothing. She never called since then.
“I borrowed money to buy her a wig. I got Five Alive.” – *Dominion, 24
Love is supposed to be give and take. *Dominion gave his all and got Five Alive.
“My ex came up with the idea that we should exchange Valentine’s gifts to make it special. I didn’t have much money at the time but knew she wanted this particular wig, so to meet up, I borrowed money to buy it for her.
When I gave it to her, she didn’t seem excited or moved. I didn’t even see any effort on her part, so I had to ask her what she got me. She said sex was her gift.
I was stunned. We argued, and at the end of the day, all I got for Valentine’s was a Five Alive juice box. That was my gift. I still laugh about it, but that day? I wanted to cry.”
“He ghosted me after I helped him get the same job.” – *Isaac, 26
You would think someone you helped would show up for you, but that isn’t always the case— just ask *Isaac.
“During my undergraduate internship at an advertising agency, I built a lot of good relationships. A friend begged me to help her cousin get an internship there. I did a lot of convincing and personally vouched for him. He got in.
A few years later, I was looking for a place to serve. I tried getting back into the same agency but HR kept stalling. I reached out to that same guy I helped, who had become a full time staff. I begged him to help talk to HR but he gave flimsy excuses and stopped responding after a while. He only responded to my messages after he had left the agency. I wasn’t even angry — just deeply disappointed.”
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“All I got was a dry ‘thanks’” – *Hadiza, 23
You know when someone says “thank you” but it feels like they’re just ticking a box? Yeah, *Hadiza knows that feeling too well.
“My boyfriend travelled for a couple of months and had been through a rough time while he was away, so I planned something nice for him when he returned. I made his favourite food, ordered cake, got gifts, and did everything.
When he got it, he gave a passive ‘Thanks’ and that was it. I had put so much thought and energy into making him feel special, and he responded like I just handed him a piece of biscuit. It hurt more than I expected.”
“He said my ₦100 was too small” – Ahmad, *25
They say beggars don’t have a choice. Well, not this one that *Ahmad encountered.
“I used to hear that some beggars have pride, but I didn’t believe it until it happened to me.
I gave a beggar ₦100 and he looked at it like I gave him tissue paper. But that wasn’t the worst of it, he told me it was too small. I didn’t even argue, I just walked away
Let’s start from the beginning. How did you end up living with these flatmates?
Picture this: It’s 2023, fuel prices have just skyrocketed, and while you’re trying to find your footing, your landlord doubles your rent. At the same time, your job announces no raises until the following year. For me, it was either to find flatmates and split the bills or start fighting for space under one of these Lagos bridges.
I feel you. Was it easy finding flatmates?
Not at all. I needed three more people to come live in the flat to be able to afford the rent and utilities. I tried test running with a few people, but we didn’t click because of personality clashes and cleanliness preferences.
Then, one day, a mutual friend linked me up with three other people, a guy and a lesbian couple. It felt like a perfect fit.
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How was it living with them?
It was great for the first four months, especially with the girls, PB and Jay. We clicked almost instantly and got really close. We would share the couch, lend each other things like rice or sugar, and talk for hours.
They were also a really cute couple, so it was fun being their third wheel. The guy, Jacob, was also very quiet, cleaned after himself and minded his business. The best part, of course, was that the bills weren’t taking my life every month.
That sounds great. What scattered everything?
The girls loved to party. They’d go clubbing four to five times a week and get back really late—from around 2 a.m. to 4 a.m. Jacob had to open the gate for them every time because I take sleeping pills, so I’m out like a light by 10 p.m. at the latest.
After a few months of this, Jacob was done waking up at odd hours, so he asked them to either stay out till around 5 to 7 a.m. when we’d be up and getting ready for work, or come back much earlier. PB and Jay didn’t take it well.
How did they react exactly?
They stopped talking to Jacob and me all at once. When this started, I didn’t even know Jacob and the girls had any kind of discussion. One day, on my way out to work, I saw PB and Jay cooking in the kitchen.
I said a breezy good morning and got no response. I didn’t think too much of it because I don’t really take greetings or responses personally, but they kept giving me the cold shoulder. It got so weird that just being in the same room with them felt tense.
Can you share an example?
Once, we had to pay a street levy but the landlord hadn’t told me about it yet. I don’t even know how the girls found out before I did, but PB came to knock on my door, and when I opened it, she stretched a wad of cash to me. I was confused, so I asked what the money was for, but she didn’t say anything. She just kept stretching her hand out with the money.
I thought it was weird so I slowly closed the door and this babe threw the money at the door and walked off. I was so irritated. That money stayed on the floor for days because I refused to say or do anything about it.
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Ah. Who now carried the money?
Jay eventually picked up the money and transferred the amount to me with a clear description. I was ready to leave that money there till 2080. They filled the apartment with such bad energy for two months after their fight with Jacob.
When did you find out about their fight with Jacob?
Almost a full month after they moved out. Jacob came to ask my thoughts on if he overstepped, but after explaining to me, I was on his side. They didn’t even let me or Jacob know they were moving out. I just came home from work that day and saw that they were carrying their things, both big and small.
After two months of silence, I didn’t even bother to ask where they were going.
Did you ever try to investigate why they weren’t speaking to you?
I think when I first noticed it, I wanted to ask them about it, but I hate the silent treatment due to trauma from some past relationships. It’s very manipulative and foolish, in my opinion. If you have an issue with me, speak like a grown up. If you keep quiet, it’s your problem, and I’ll never ask. You are not God.
I also felt like if our friendship was real and I offended them, they would talk to me instead of giving me the cold shoulder. Like we went from gossiping on the couch to not even greeting each other in the mornings. It was unacceptable.
Fair enough. How are the bills now that it’s just the two of you?
After two months, I got a promotion so I could cover more bills than before. Plus, we got a third flatmate, and she’s the sweetest, kindest, non-malice-keeping babe on the Lagos Mainland.
If they ever reached out to you to talk about what happened, how would you react?
By the special Grace of God, with silence. Let them try to explain in another life, I don’t want to hear it.
If you want to share your own Sunken Ships story, fill this form.
Gbenga*, 32, is the kind of man who prides himself on routine: the quiet comfort of a Friday night beer followed by pizza and ice cream treats for his wife. But one unexpected birthday hangout with old friends led him somewhere he never imagined — a strip club on Lagos Island.
In this story, he unpacks the guilt of being touched in ways he couldn’t confess, the silence that followed, and why he still wants to go back — this time, with his wife by his side.
This is Gbenga’s story, as told to Adeyinka
Friday nights usually follow a script for me. Close from work, stop at the mall to pick up groceries, grab one or two drinks at the bar near my estate, and buy suya for my wife. That was my routine, predictable and safe.
But that Friday, a text came in at 3:37 p.m.
“Guy, when you dey close?” It was *Femi, an old friend from uni. He was celebrating his birthday and wanted to host a few of us at his office for a small hangout. I’d forgotten all about it. Still, I didn’t want to miss out. Femi had always shown up for me. I figured I’d pass by for an hour, drink something light, still make it to my usual bar stop, and be home with suya by 10 p.m.
I texted my wife: “Babe, Femi’s birthday hangout came up. Might stay out a bit. I’ll still get your suya.” She replied with a thumbs-up and “have fun.” That usually meant she wasn’t mad, but wasn’t entirely thrilled either.
I left work at 5:30 p.m. Another friend who had also been invited picked me up, and we drove down to the Island. We got to Femi’s office and they were throwing it down — drinks, music, cake, small chops, and a few people I hadn’t seen in a while. In my head, I assumed that was all there was to the night. It meant I wouldn’t feel too guilty about leaving my wife to spend most of her Friday night alone. If only I knew the plans my friends had ahead. From there, we moved to a nearby grill bar. Again, not too out of the ordinary. I took pictures and sent updates to my wife to give a reassurance of how I was spending my evening. I even answered a quick video call while we were ordering drinks. I wasn’t hiding anything.
By 9 p.m., I tapped Jide and told him I was ready to leave. He nodded, and I thought that was it. But just as we were heading out, one of the guys — the loudest one in the group, the kind who always takes things too far — grinned and said, “Birthday boy, I get one last surprise for you tonight.”
He clapped his hands together and said, “We dey go strip club.”
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I laughed at the idea because I genuinely thought he was joking. Then I realised everyone else was already in agreement. I was the only one hesitating. That was the first time I felt my chest tighten.
I’d never been to a strip club before. A few invites here and there, but never anyone so unplanned that didn’t give me enough time to come up with a solid excuse about why I couldn’t attend. I always told myself I wasn’t interested, and it was the truth. I didn’t judge people who went — I just didn’t think it was for me. But in that moment, with my ride already approaching the club, I sat there and told myself it was fine. It was just one night; just to see what it looked like. No touching, nothing extreme. Besides, I’d been upfront with my wife the entire evening. What was one more detour?
I didn’t realise how shaky that logic was until I walked in.
The place was loud, dark, and you could see the red light bouncing off mirrors and glistening skin. The music pounded in my chest. The dancers moved slowly and hypnotically. They had loud makeup and scanty dresses. Even worse, some of them were naked. Just made up faces, wigs and heels high enough to bump up the shortest person a few inches. I sat at the corner of our reserved table, already regretting my life choices. Before I could fully process the place, a dancer approached me, pressed her oiled-up bosoms against mine, and whispered, “You look tense. Let me help relax.”
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She went further and placed my hands on her waist while I just sat there motionless like a zombie. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t move or smile, I just froze. I could feel the heat of her skin, her breath near my ear, her breasts brushing my chest as she danced. It should have been exciting because I could see my friends going crazy with dancers who had latched on to them. For me, it was overwhelming. And then my phone buzzed.
My wife was calling.
The guilt hit me before I even looked at the screen. I stared at her name, unsure if I should pick up the call and explain how I landed at a strip club or ignore it. All the while, the dancer was still moving, getting bold and inching closer to my groin. The phone had been ringing for some time before I concluded it wasn’t wise to answer. So, I ignored.
About ten minutes later, she called again. This time I felt the guilt swell up my throat. She was probably worried sick, wondering why I wasn’t home yet and why I wasn’t picking up her calls. Yet, here I was, in a strip club, with a lady as good as unclad tugging at my phallus.
That’s when the music started to feel louder, the lights too red. Everything was too much, and I felt like I was wearing shame as cologne. I shifted awkwardly and proceeded to excuse myself. The dancer smiled like she’d seen it all before and moved on to the next guy.
I stood there for a few minutes, pretending to scroll through my phone. I kept wondering how I’d explain it if she asked. My chest felt heavy, not just with guilt, but with the realisation that I didn’t even enjoy it. I wasn’t repulsed. I wasn’t excited. I was just… lost. I suddenly felt stupid. Like I’d crossed a line I hadn’t even agreed to approach. I kept wondering: Why didn’t I just go home?
Then I noticed something that only made it worse — a couple sitting just across from us. A man and his partner, laughing, sharing drinks, and occasionally getting pulled into dances together. Somehow, seeing them made everything feel less wrong. They looked like they were having fun together, and you could tell they both made the decision that resulted in spending their Friday night at a strip club.
Then it hit me — this wouldn’t feel like betrayal if my wife were here.
For a second, I imagined myself in that man’s seat. But not with guilt choking my throat. Instead, with my wife beside me, both of us laughing and judging everything that played out in front of us.
I leaned over to Jide and whispered that I needed to head home. He raised a brow and asked if everything was okay. I nodded, already collecting my phone. He didn’t argue — just gave me that “omo, you dey miss” kind of look and said we’d talk later.
Femi and the others were still deep into the fun. I waved them off and stepped outside. Nobody really tried to stop me. The night had swallowed them whole, but I’d already had enough.
The image of the couple stayed in my head the whole ride home. I kept imagining how I’d have felt more at ease and probably enjoyed the experience if I had come with my wife.
I returned to the house a little after midnight, and my madam was on the couch, half-asleep, Netflix still running. She asked how the hangout was. I said, “It was cool. Traffic was mad.” She nodded and went back to her show. But something about how she looked at me — quiet, sharp, unreadable — made me feel like she already knew.
I felt like I was walking through fog for the next few days. I couldn’t stop replaying that moment when her call came in. I started overcompensating: more chores, longer conversations and extra sweet texts. And then four nights later, I told her. Well, I told her a version of it.
I told her the version I could live with: that the guys dragged me there and I didn’t want to go. That I stayed for a bit, felt awkward, and left. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t the whole story either.
I didn’t mention how a dancer straddled me without warning, how her hands found their way to parts of me that should be reserved for my wife. I didn’t talk about the way her breasts pressed against my chest, how she whispered into my ears like we shared a secret, or how I didn’t push her away — not immediately. I left all that out.
And maybe that’s what’s been bothering me the most. When I finished talking, she looked at me for a long time. Not angry or disappointed, just quiet. Then she said, “Okay.” Just that one word, and somehow, it stung more than if she’d shouted.
I haven’t been back since. But the memory lingers — not because of the lap dance, the lights, or the bodies moving in the dark. I think about it because of the guilt I carried home, and the part of the night I’m still hiding. I’ve mentioned it to her again, half-jokingly. “Maybe next time, we go together. At least that way I won’t feel like I’m sinning alone.” She gave me a small smile and said, “Maybe.”
I don’t know what that means. But I think about what it would feel like to go again — this time, side by side, not as someone caught in the middle of temptation and guilt but as a man whose wife is in on the experience and not excluded from it.
Maybe I want to redeem that night, or perhaps I just want to stop feeling like I did something wrong. Either way, I still don’t feel settled, and I think that says it all.
Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Hannah: It was during an early morning GNS class in 2021. The lecturer asked a question, and this really good-looking guy whom I’d never seen before stood up to answer. Quite a number of people also looked in his direction because no one seemed to have seen him around before.
Tade: Actually, no one had. It was my first day of class as a direct entry student.
Hannah: Right. Anyway, after the class, I got curious and kept an eye out for him. I didn’t see him for the rest of the week and didn’t even know who to ask. However, he was at the GNS class again the next Monday, and I talked to him after class.
Tade: My first memory of Hannah was during the second class. I had to run around for registration after the first class, so I couldn’t attend other lectures. I remember her walking up to me and saying, “Scholar, why didn’t you answer questions in class today?” I was taken aback because I didn’t even think anyone noticed me. But I liked her energy. We stood by the faculty gate and spoke for about 20 minutes. By the end of that week, she had become a guide who helped me settle into school.
Hannah: I found out he was smart. I’m talking ‘First Class’ easy. And he didn’t brag about it either. He just wanted to help everyone understand things better. I started attending his tutorials, and I started falling for him.
Did you try to let him know you liked him?
Hannah: Oh, I definitely tried to make him notice. I’d linger after tutorials and start random conversations to spend more time around him. I also started texting him questions I already knew the answers to — just to keep talking.
Tade: I noticed but wasn’t sure if it meant anything. I thought she was just being friendly. It wasn’t until she started showing up with snacks and randomly asking about my day that I thought, “Hmm, this might be something.”
And what did you do with this realisation, Tade?
Tade: I didn’t act on it immediately. I liked her, but I was still finding my footing at school and didn’t want any distractions. But she made it hard to resist. She was so intentional and easy to talk to. Eventually, I asked if she wanted to grab lunch after one of our tutorials, and that’s how it started.
Hannah: That lunch turned into a weekly thing. Then we started studying together outside tutorials, and before long, it felt like we were already in a relationship.
Who made things official?
Tade: I did. One evening, after a long study session, I walked her back to her hostel and told her I wanted us to make it official. She didn’t even let me finish before saying yes.
Hannah: I think my feelings got intense when I realised how safe I felt around him. I’d been in a previous situationship that was just completely horrible. The guy rushed me into having sex when I wasn’t fully ready, and he always had his hands all over me at the slightest chance.
Because of him, I stayed away from intimacy for a long time, but Tade somehow reignited those feelings. Only, he hardly made any move and would say “I’m sorry” at the slightest brush of his hands on my body.
When he asked me out, I was the happiest girl in the world. More importantly, I was curious to see what intimacy with him would look like.
So when the intimate moment finally came, how was it?
Hannah: Mind-blowing. I’d never felt anything like it before. From the very first kiss, there was this electricity I can’t quite explain. It wasn’t just about sex; it was how deeply in sync we were. Every touch felt like he’d known my body for years. He read my cues without me having to say a word.
Tade: It was the same for me. We couldn’t keep our hands off each other. I remember that first night, we kissed for what felt like hours before we even undressed. And it wasn’t rushed. Everything was slow, intense and deliberate. She made me feel like I was the only man on earth.
Hannah: And we just kept going. I’m talking every day, sometimes multiple times a day. It was like our bodies were addicted to each other. I’d be thinking about the last time in class, already wanting him again. Like he said, it wasn’t even about the act itself. We could spend hours kissing, touching, whispering things to each other. I genuinely didn’t think I could be that obsessed with someone.
Tade: I used to joke that if sex were a language, we were fluent speakers. There was never any awkwardness. We just fit, like our parts were designed exclusively for each other. Every time felt like the first time, only deeper. More intense. I still don’t know how to explain it.
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I think I get the picture. Outside of all that intensity, what were the early days of your relationship like?
Hannah: They were soft and sweet. When we weren’t making out or getting lost in each other’s bodies, we were studying, cooking, laughing at the dumbest things. We had built our own world.
Tade: Yeah, we balanced each other out. I was all about school; she brought in the fun. But even in the playful moments, there was still that undercurrent of desire. I’d be helping her prep for a test and still be distracted by her body. We were obsessed, but in a way that still made room for love.
Hannah: But now that I think about it, there were small moments where I realised we might not want the same things long-term.
What kind of moments?
Hannah: Tade is very — what’s the word — academic? Everything had to be about growth, discipline, and structure. I admired this, of course. But I also love the little things —birthdays, random date nights, impulsive getaways. And he never really cared for those things.
I’d be excited about us going out to see a movie, and he’d say something like, “Let’s just rest instead and watch a TED Talk or listen to a podcast.” It wasn’t a big deal, but I’d file it in my mind.
Tade: I won’t lie, I noticed she was more expressive and romantic than I was. I just didn’t think it mattered much. In my head, we were solid, so what did it matter if I didn’t get her flowers every other week? But she was right. I didn’t always show up in the ways that counted to her.
Hannah: I didn’t say anything early. I kept rationalising it. Like, “He’s a good guy. He’s not cheating. He helps me study. The sex is amazing. That should be enough, right?”
Tade: Meanwhile, I thought we were doing great. No fights, no drama, fantastic sex, solid friendship. I just didn’t realise I was missing the emotional cues.
So at what point did things boil over?
Hannah: A week before our third anniversary. I’d planned something really simple — dinner at my place, candles, just the two of us. I even made amala because he always joked that my amala could raise the dead. But he called around 7 p.m. to say he couldn’t make it because he had a virtual academic conference.
Tade: That conference had been on my calendar for weeks. I even told her about it, but I didn’t remind her, and I guess I assumed she wouldn’t plan anything for that evening.
Hannah: That’s the problem — you assumed. It wasn’t just about that day. It was the accumulation of many other disappointments I never voiced. I remember sitting alone with all the food I’d made, candles already melted halfway, and thinking, “This man loves me, but he doesn’t prioritise me.”
Tade: I felt really bad when she told me. But it also made me realise we’d been drifting and hadn’t said it out loud. It wasn’t that I didn’t love her. I just wasn’t showing it in the ways that mattered to her.
We talked, and she cried. She told me she didn’t think she had the emotional strength to keep making excuses for us. I didn’t want us to break up, but I respected her decision. Part of me thought it was a phase, and we’d find our way back.
Hannah: And we did. Just not the way I imagined.
What do you mean?
Hannah: We didn’t talk for a few months after we broke up. We said hi occasionally on campus, but that was about it. I thought cutting him off would help me move on, but it didn’t. I missed him: not just the sex, even though that was a huge part, but also the way he listened to me, made me laugh, calmed me down when I spiralled. Still, I tried to move on. I went on a few dates and even slept with someone once, but it felt empty. Like I was trying to recreate something that was too specific to us.
Then, one evening, I bumped into him at a mutual friend’s hangout when we returned to school for our final year clearance. We talked like old friends, laughed a lot. I’d missed that version of us. After the party, he offered to walk me to my cab. It was about to rain, and he held his jacket over my head, like something out of a movie. I remember standing in the drizzle, looking up at him, and thinking, “God, abeg.”
Tade: That night did something to me. Seeing her again reminded me of everything I’d buried. The way she looked at me, smiled at my jokes, it didn’t feel like time had passed. I tried to play it cool, but when I got home, I couldn’t sleep. I texted her the following day, just to say I enjoyed seeing her. We started talking again, and the conversations quickly went from casual to emotional.
Two weeks later, we planned to meet again in school under the guise of coming for clearance. We stayed at a friend’s hostel and I remember we had dinner, talked like old times, but you could feel the sexual tension building up between us. Then she said she needed to use the bathroom. She stood by the door and stared at me when she came out. I stood up, walked to her, and kissed her. We didn’t stop. It was like our bodies remembered each other in detail. We made love for hours, and I remember lying next to her thinking, “There’s no one else I’ll ever connect with like this.”
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Must be nice.
Hannah: I wish I could say it was a mistake, but it wasn’t. It felt too right. Like I said, he’s my sex soulmate. I’ve had other partners, but no one gets my body like Tade.
I’m curious. How do you handle being with other people while still sleeping together?
Hannah: Not well. It’s not fair, and I know that. I tried to stop. I even told someone I was seeing about Tade once and it didn’t end well. So now, we don’t tell. We just sneak around.
Tade: I’ve not really gotten into anything serious since we broke up. I’ve focused more on preparing applications for a fully funded master’s program. But I’ll admit, there’s someone I talk to; a talking stage. She wouldn’t be entirely pleased if she found out I’m still sleeping with my ex.
Hannah: And she’s smart. I think she suspects. She called once while I was at his place, and he had to act like he was alone. I felt so guilty, but I also thought, Why am I still here? It’s like I’m addicted to him.
Tade: We’ve had the conversation about becoming official again. Multiple times, actually. But we both know nothing’s changed fundamentally. I’m still that guy who’s obsessed with planning the next big academic move, and she still needs someone who’s fully present, emotionally and otherwise. We’re not pretending anymore, though. We’re just honest about what we are — each other’s fix. And maybe that’s all it’ll ever be.
Have there been issues or moments when this arrangement became hard to maintain?
Tade: Yeah, there’ve been moments where it wasn’t simple. I remember she came over after a bad date, and I stupidly asked her what the guy did wrong. She snapped at me and said, “What do you care? It’s not like you’re trying to replace him.” That night ended in silence — no cuddles, no lingering conversations like we usually have and no sex. I think we both realised again that this thing we have comes with invisible lines we’re not allowed to cross.
Hannah: That night messed with me. I went home thinking, What are we really doing? But then I saw him again the next week, and everything just fell into place again. It’s confusing. Sometimes it feels like emotional self-harm, but it also feels too good to quit.
Tade: What makes it harder is that we don’t fight. We understand each other too well. It’s almost like we’ve created a little world where we don’t have to explain anything, and that’s hard to let go of.
What would you say is best about being with each other, even now? What keeps pulling you both back?
Hannah: With Tade, there’s no pretence. Even when we’re not officially together, he sees me in a way no one else ever has. Like, I could be breaking down mid-sentence and he’d already pull me close before the tears fall. And when it comes to intimacy? I don’t know how else to say this, but he just gets me. I never feel rushed, judged or like I have to explain anything. It’s the kind of chemistry you don’t come across twice in a lifetime.
Tade: For me, it’s the comfort and familiarity. I know the exact look she gives when she’s stressed. I know how to calm her down and make her laugh even when she says she doesn’t want to. We have this rhythm, like our bodies remember each other even when our minds are trying to forget. I’ve tried to recreate that with someone else and failed. There’s just something about us that fits.
Hannah: Sometimes I’ll be lying in bed alone and remember how he holds my waist or how we’d just lie in silence afterwards. Like, “Yeah, the world is mad, but I still have this.”
Right. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Hannah: As exes or as sex soulmates?
Tade: Both.
Hannah: As a couple, 6. As sex soulmates? 11.
Tade: I agree. We broke up for good reasons. But what we have now? I’m not sure we’ll ever find this with someone else.
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