*Toluwani, 29, didn’t grow up dreaming about marriage. But after two years of being married to a man who’s still her best friend, she’s realising that the hardest part of marriage isn’t the love — it’s figuring out what to eat every day and building a stable life in Nigeria while staying true to yourself and your partnership.
This is a look into Toluwani’s marriage diary.
I didn’t grow up dreaming of marriage
My mum’s reality shaped my view of marriage. She was separated from my dad for as long as I could remember. I never saw her entertain male friends or date anyone. Her entire energy was poured into raising me and my siblings. Any spare time she had, she spent it with her sisters. As a teenager, when I started learning about sex and relationships, I used to wonder why my mum never dated. But I never asked. Watching her live that way didn’t make me dream of marriage.
Moving out of my family home after the wedding broke me
After our wedding, my husband and I didn’t move in together immediately. He was still finalising a transfer at work, so we continued with our lives as if we were still dating. I stayed at my mum’s, and he’d visit every now and then. That went on for four months.
Then one day, it was time to finally move. I broke down as I packed up the room I’d lived in my whole life. I didn’t expect it. I wasn’t second-guessing the marriage or doubting my husband — it was just grief. Saying goodbye to my space, my family, my comfort was harder than I thought it would be. I remember my mum walking in and asking if I was okay. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her the whole truth, so I simply said, “I’ll miss my room.”
And that was true. But it was more than that. I was mourning the version of myself I was leaving behind.
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The biggest fights we’ve had were about food, and they taught me how to actually listen
Nobody warned me how chaotic food would be in marriage. We’ve had some of our biggest arguments around the question: “What are we going to eat?” It sounds silly until you realise you’re dealing with two exhausted people, trying to navigate adulthood, who are suddenly responsible for each other’s nutrition.
My husband and I share cooking duties. He goes to the market, and he can throw down in the kitchen. But still, we find ourselves in this endless loop of not knowing what to eat. And when you’re tired and hungry, that question feels like war.
One of our earliest disagreements was during our first week of living together. He had spent the entire day lifting heavy stuff and setting up our new place, while I was in the room arranging the wardrobe. I didn’t realise how hungry he was. When he asked what we’d eat, I casually replied, “I don’t know; I’ve also been busy.”
He didn’t yell. He quietly entered the kitchen, made noodles for both of us, and spent the rest of the day silent. Then the next day. Then the next. He didn’t let me enter the kitchen — just kept cooking and ignoring me.
Eventually, we talked. That’s when I learned that when he says, “I’m hungry,” he’s not demanding food from me. He just needs me to indulge him in that moment. Sometimes, all he needs is a suggestion or even just empathy. That situation changed how I listen. I learned not to hear something else in place of what he’s actually saying. These days, I try to respond with care and concern — even if I’m exhausted. Because hunger is a real trigger for him, and ignoring it only escalates things.
Got a marriage story to share? Please fill the form and we’ll reach out.
Marriage didn’t change me, adulthood did
I wouldn’t say marriage has changed me. It’s adulthood that has. My husband and I are the same age, so we’re both figuring life out simultaneously. There’s no “more experienced” partner to lean on. We’re hustling together, building together, failing and getting back up together.
This shared responsibility has forced us to grow up fast. I miss the younger version of myself — the playful, carefree woman who didn’t have to think about raising a family, saving for the future or navigating Nigeria’s economic chaos.
Some days, I wonder if marriage would feel different if I married someone older, someone who already had some stability. But we’re in this together, and I’m proud of what we’re building — even if it doesn’t always feel joyful in the way I imagined.
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We haven’t had to make big compromises — yet
We’ve pulled our weight individually and together in our two years of marriage. I haven’t had to make any significant compromises yet. But I worry about the future, especially when we start having kids. I’ve tried bringing it up, but my husband always says, “When we get to that bridge, we’ll cross it.”
For now, I believe him. I don’t like projecting into the future too much. I’ve learned that the best way to approach marriage is with as few expectations as possible. If there’s anything I’d tell my unmarried self, it’s this: Don’t go in with expectations. Not good ones. Not bad ones. Just go in with an open mind. Let each day teach you what marriage is.
So many people are miserable in their marriages because they’re chasing an image they built in their heads. And when reality doesn’t match, they become resentful. I didn’t go into marriage with a picture-perfect fantasy, and I think that’s helped me roll with the punches.
We’ve been married two years, and I won’t pretend we’ve figured it all out. But I also won’t borrow grief from the future. Kids will come. New phases will come. And we’ll figure it out when we get there, just like we’ve figured out everything else.
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Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Busayo (26) and Alabi (32) met in person for the first time at a mutual friend’s wedding in 2023, but nothing prepared them for how quickly things moved after.
On this week’s Love Life, they share how a casual connection turned into a full-blown relationship, what it’s like navigating marriage a year in, and why they’re convinced they found their person in each other.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Busayo: My first real memory of Alabi was at a mutual friend’s wedding in January 2023. We’d exchanged a few texts prior, but that was the first time we met in person. Our friend had connected us in 2022, but it wasn’t anything serious then — just brief conversations and check-ins.
Alabi was the best man at the wedding. However, even with all the activities going on, our mutual friend was particularly intentional about creating time for us to connect. He made sure we weren’t just guests who had met online but people who could get to know each other. I remember Alabi kept looking for reasons to hold my hand that day. And when he wasn’t close by, he’d find me across the room and wink. I won’t lie — it was sweet, and I felt very seen.
Alabi: My memory starts from when our friend first connected us in 2022. I’d just finished university and was looking for internship placements. I was looking into the University of Ilorin Teaching Hospital and needed information about the environment. Our friend said he didn’t know much about the area, but he could link me to someone who had attended the school — that was Busayo.
He shared her number, and I reached out. She provided me with some information, but I eventually passed up on the internship. Even though our chats didn’t lead anywhere serious, we occasionally stayed in touch.
Months later, our friend was getting married and made me the best man. He kept talking about how I needed to settle down, and how he had the perfect person in mind for me. I realised it was Busayo when he sent her contact again. We laughed about it and agreed to meet at the wedding.
Sweet. Were either of you single and searching at the time?
Busayo: I was single, but I wasn’t searching. I wasn’t putting myself out there in any way.
Alabi: I was searching very much. But it wasn’t just about dating — I was actively looking for a life partner.
When I saw Busayo in person, I had a strong conviction that she was the one, and we would get married. I remember saying to her, “I’m going to marry you.”
Busayo: The thing is, I also felt that conviction deep in my heart that we belonged together. However, I didn’t share this with him at the time.
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I feel like I’ve missed something. Had Alabi shared how he felt about you before the wedding party?
Alabi: Not really. However, we had several leading conversations that pointed towards my intentions.
Busayo: Yes. There was also a lot of conversations around love, family and relationships. We were already asking each other about kids, relatives coming to live with us…questions people would only ask when they married or were about to. So even if it wasn’t said outrightly, it hung somewhere in the air.
I see. Did he say anything when you met at the party?
Busayo: He did. We found a few minutes alone during the wedding party — nothing long, but just enough to have a moment. Then he said something like, “I really like you, and I’m serious about you.” However, I felt that the whole thing was happening too quickly, especially with the wedding energy and music in the background. It was a lot.
Alabi: I felt like I needed us to have our own proper moment, outside of the noise and the pressure. So, I suggested a private hangout after the wedding to talk without distractions.
Neat. When did this private hangout happen?
Alabi: Two days after the wedding. I would describe it as one of the best moments of my life.
Busayo and I got even deeper into our conversations about family, life, career and aspirations — things we’d briefly touched on over text. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment spent with her.
Busayo: We were supposed to go somewhere nice, but because of all the expenses he had incurred from his best man duties, we agreed to meet at my place. We had a bet on who was the better cook, and decided to have him make vegetable soup. I got all the ingredients ready before he arrived, and after he did, he threw it down in the kitchen and didn’t disappoint at all. It was a nice time.
My younger sister was also around, and the way he connected with her made me smile. Later that day, when we had a quiet moment alone, we dove into another round of deep conversation about our values and dreams. In the middle of that, he asked me out again — this time in a more direct way. I told him I needed time to think about it, but he was persistent, and I ultimately said yes. We sealed it with a kiss.
Curious. Why were you eager to get the ball rolling, Alabi?
Alabi: I was searching, and at that point, I’d found what I wanted. I was drawn to her intelligence, her laser-like focus on her goals, and her family-oriented mindset.
She’s pretty, too. She had everything I’d been praying to have in my wife, and I couldn’t let go. Everything seemed to click into place with her.
What were the early days of your relationship like?
Busayo: They were pretty easy and peaceful days.
Please, tell me more.
Busayo: I didn’t have to do too much. I didn’t have to pretend to be someone I wasn’t. I could be myself around him and still be appreciated for that. It was beautiful.
It was also really easy to trust Alabi. He told me everything I needed to know without being asked and gave me access to his personal belongings. That was something I was just experiencing for the first time; no one had ever done that for me. He wasn’t judgmental and would always want to understand things from my perspective. It was clear that he wanted me in his life.
Even on days when I felt uneasy about the quickness of it all, he reassured me.
I remember telling my sister, “I think I’m going to marry him. My spirit just feels settled.” And she didn’t even question it — she could see I was happy.
Alabi: I saw those early days as preparation for marriage. I already knew everything about Busayo — her background, her personality, her hobbies — so I was only preparing to pop the question and build a life together.
There were minor issues, but they were addressed promptly with intention and care.
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What kind of issues?
Alabi: I don’t remember the specifics. I just know we had our fair share and found a resolution.
Busayo: The only issue we had was communication. I was always ready to confront problems head-on on while Alabi needed more time. It was initially conflicting and difficult to navigate, but after some time, I realised he preferred taking his time.
I had to learn to be patient a lot, and I also had to be intentional about my approach and ensure I wasn’t presenting issues in an aggressive or infuriating manner. However, I should note Alabi was always open to apologising.
Alabi: The thing is, whenever we have issues, I prefer to reflect on what has happened and pick out the role I played, after which I immediately map out a plan to prevent such from happening again.
Now, after I’ve done that, it doesn’t feel necessary to talk about it. She’s now made me understand the importance of addressing issues as soon as they happen. I’m learning to adjust.
Busayo: I remember one of our issues happened during our wedding. We had agreed on our invitation list, and he went ahead and invited someone against our initial agreement. I felt bad about it, but around the same time I also did something to piss him off and he had to accommodate my excess. We realised we’d always offend each other, but we agreed to always seek a quick resolution before they escalate into a fight.
Speaking of getting married, when exactly did you know you’d fallen in love and wanted to commit forever?
Alabi: I’ve always known that since I met her in person. The funny thing is, she met my mum before I officially introduced her, and even though my mum had no idea that we were already talking, she liked her naturally. That played a role in how easy it was for us to sync and the deep connection we shared from the outset.
Busayo: The moment for me happened three months into our relationship. He invited me to meet his parents, and they asked me so many questions. The realisation that I liked this person a lot hit me as I answered the questions. He also visited my parents the following month, and they grilled him with questions. At the end of it all, they also liked him. Our families syncing like that made it all so beautiful.
Alabi: We got married on April 20, 2024.
Curious, Busayo. Did you talk about your feelings with anyone else, considering you felt it all happened so fast?
Busayo: I spoke with my brother and sister. My sister and I are super close, and she was there from the beginning. She agreed that our relationship was moving at a fast pace, but she could also see that I had never felt so strongly about anyone. Her only advice was to enjoy and make the best out of it without overthinking. My brother, on the other hand, wanted me to trust my instincts.
And that you did. Has marriage been any different from dating?
Busayo: Oh yes. Despite our many conversations, there were things we didn’t know about ourselves, especially in the context of emotions until we got married. It’s been a mix of hard and easy navigating these differences, but we’re still here riding it through.
It’s easy to get carried away sometimes and want to misbehave or not acknowledge your partner’s feelings, but I think that’s where prayer and gratitude come in. Every day I wake up grateful to have him in my life. Yes, we may not always agree, but we’re doing life together. I’ve trusted this man with my life, and I know he’ll always have my back.
It was also challenging to navigate marriage alongside my career. At some point, I had to change jobs, which came with a set of challenges, but I knew it was all for the better. In this short while, I think we’ve gone through every phase with the knowledge that things will get better, and we’re making sacrifices for the good life we want.
Alabi: I agree with everything she’s said. Marriage hasn’t been drastically different from dating, but it has shown us sides of each other that we didn’t fully know. We’ve had to grow in patience and understanding. I’ve had to learn to be more emotionally available, and she’s had to adjust to my communication style. We’re still learning, but I think the best part is that we’re committed to figuring things out together—no matter how tough it gets.
How would you say being with each other has changed you over the years?
Busayo: My sense of commitment and trust has gotten significantly better. Before I got with him, I always had reservations about trusting people entirely due to past disappointments. I also tailored my expectations of people. But Alabi has shown me that vulnerability doesn’t always lead to hurt. I also expect more from people now, not in a bad way, but because I’ve seen what it looks like to be treated right.
Alabi: I’d say being with each other has pushed us to be better in all ways — career, personal life and interactions with others, and it’s been beautiful because we consciously strive to make ourselves better.
In particular, my communication style has significantly improved. I’m learning to open up more, rather than shutting down whenever there are issues.
Right. How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Alabi: I’ll give us a 10. We’ve had a fantastic and beautiful journey so far, but I hope and strive to be a better husband for her.
Busayo: Can I say 100? Okay, maybe an 8 — there’s always room to grow, but I’m truly happy. I don’t want to think about anything that could be more beautiful than what we currently have.
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
In-law drama is one thing most Nigerians actively pray against. But sometimes, no matter how hard you try to choose peace, your in-laws will go out of their way to test you. While some people turn the other cheek, these five Nigerians chose violence — and made sure the in-laws who tried them would never forget it.
“I made my sister in law sleep in a cell” — *Joan, 40
In 2018, a friend from church wanted to start a kerosene business. My husband linked her up with his older sister, who was already in the business. She collected ₦5 million from my friend and kept posting her for nearly eight months. My husband—a respected deacon — was too scared to confront his sister, which made the whole thing even more irritating.
My friend was very understanding, but when she hinted that her husband wanted to involve the police, I didn’t wait. I closed my shop in Jos that day, lied to my husband that I was going to Lagos to restock, and boarded a night bus. By 5 a.m., I was at the police station. I decided to confront his sister at her house first to give her the benefit of the doubt. She dismissed me and said I should go and do my worst.
So I did. I signalled the police officers waiting outside to come in and arrest her. After spending one night in a cell, she miraculously found the money and paid my friend back. The family called meetings to insult me, but at least I was sleeping well at night.
“I held a knife to my father-in-law’s throat” — *Tope, 37
We had two daughters, and I wanted more children, but my husband said we shouldn’t, as we were too busy with work. I didn’t know he was having an affair. The woman eventually gave birth to a boy, and he tried to keep it a secret. I found out when his parents came to our house, called me a witch who blocked their son’s destiny, and told me to leave with my daughters so their grandson and his mother could take our place.
I was in so much shock. I didn’t even realise when I grabbed a knife and held it to my father-in-law’s throat. I told them to leave or I’d kill him. My husband nearly peed on himself. They all begged me and left. It cemented their belief that I was a witch, but at least they never tried me again.
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“I sent thugs to her son’s wedding introduction”— *Stephen, 46
After my wife died of cancer, her sister started treating me like a personal ATM. Last year, she came crying that she’d been diagnosed with early-stage cancer and needed urgent surgery. She begged for financial assistance. Cancer is a soft spot for me, so I gave her the money, even though it was meant for my daughter’s master’s program abroad. Two months later, I found out it was all a lie. She used the money to plan her son’s introduction. She even sent me an invitation.
I didn’t attend. Instead, I sent a group of area boys to crash the event. And they did a beautiful job.
“I poisoned my sister-in-law so she would go home” — *Ifeoma, 27
I got married quite early. My husband and I have been together for nearly five years, and we’re delaying children while we save to japa. His sister refuses to understand that and won’t let me rest. I think she hates me because I’m Igbo and they’re Yoruba. She’s always whining about how I’m barren and have refused to give her brother children.
A few months ago, she came to visit and overstayed her welcome. A week passed, and she was still there, talking rubbish to my husband. I was worried she would brainwash my husband, so I took action.
I saw on YouTube that lactulose powder can induce diarrhoea. So I bought some and added it her food. It worked in less than a day. She pooped and vomited nonstop until we rushed her to the hospital. I felt really guilty about it, but the minute she got discharged, she packed her bags and left. I don’t think I have any regrets.
“I staged my husband’s arrest to get back my documents” — *Hauwa, 34
When my husband and I first got married, we were too broke to rent our own place, so we lived with his parents. I hated it, but anytime I complained, they reminded me I was from a wealthy family and should endure.
When my dad visited and saw the situation, he gave me money to buy a building and start a business. Since I was naive and in an unfamiliar city, I let my husband and in-laws handle the process.
Biggest mistake of my life. I opened a restaurant, and it did well. Then my husband and I got jobs in another city. His family convinced me to let them manage it and promised to send rent.
They never sent one naira. Every time I asked, they called me disrespectful.
Eventually, I grew tired of it and sold the property behind their backs. I only told my husband when it was time to hand over the documents, which were with his parents. He sided with them when they refused to release the papers. I knew I had to act fast, and that’s when I planned with my sister to stage my husband’s arrest. We make it look like the new owner had him arrested over the documents. One phone call from him at the station was all it took for his family to cough up the papers.
When people hear “incest,” they either think of abuse or something so taboo it can’t even be talked about. But there’s a murky middle no one really unpacks, where young cousins grow up together, share rooms, sleep side by side, and slowly blur the line between family closeness and something else.
For these four Nigerians, crossing the intimacy line with their cousins wasn’t planned; it just happened. They share how teenage curiosity, proximity, and silence pushed them into intimate moments with their blood relations, and the lasting confusion those experiences left behind.
“My cousin awakened something in me” — *Fareeda, 25
*Fareeda isn’t trying to deny what happened; she’s just not sure how to name it. All she knows is that her closest cousin became her first real sexual connection, and nobody ever found out.
“It started in our parlour the day we watched Fifty Shades of Grey together. I don’t remember the exact year — it was probably 2016 or 2017. We were bored and figured we’d watch something random and wild. But the tension in that room? It was insane. Next thing I knew, we were kissing. Not soft, experimental kissing — I mean kissing like we’d been waiting years for it.
That afternoon unlocked something in both of us. From then on, every time we saw each other, we found ways to sneak off. It started with light touching, rewatching that same movie and acting out scenes. But it escalated fast. We started experimenting — hours of exploring what made us moan, what made us melt. There were no conversations, no planning — just raw, unfiltered desire.
She awakened my bisexuality. I didn’t even know what to call it at the time, but she showed me how deeply two women could connect. We tried different positions, played out fantasies, binge-watched sex scenes and recreated them. It was like we had created a secret world of our own. The wildest part? Nobody in our super strict family suspected a thing. We were the “close cousins” everyone praised. Always in each other’s rooms with the door shut. Always visiting, always giggling. If only they knew what we were really up to behind those doors.
But honestly, it never felt wrong. It felt like freedom. Messy, forbidden freedom, but freedom all the same. And I’ve never once felt guilty about it. We never had a “talk” about what we were doing. No boundaries, no “maybe we should stop.” It just kept happening for years. And then, one day, it didn’t. We never said anything. It just ended like a phase that dissolved quietly. But she left a mark on my body, in my memory and on my sexuality. I haven’t had a connection like that again.
We’re still close, though. Still best friends. Still calling each other ‘sisters.’ And sometimes I wonder if she remembers it the way I do or if she ever wants to talk about it. But I don’t ask.“
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“We were teenagers. But it still feels weird thinking about it now” — *Jessy, 30
*Jessy didn’t go looking for anything. It happened slowly and over time. He shares how innocent late-night gists with his cousin turned into something neither of them could fully name.
“My cousin used to visit us in Lagos from Ibadan every school holiday. She was like the unofficial fifth sibling in our house. We’d gist late into the night, sleep in the same room, and even share wrappers on the floor during blackout nights. Nobody ever raised an eyebrow.
One night, while I was still in JSS3, everyone had fallen asleep, and it was just us whispering about kissing and body stuff. We dared each other to try kissing. And then we did. The next day, we didn’t mention what we had done the night before. But the next time she came, it happened again, a kiss here, a long hug there. We never removed our clothes. But between JSS3 and SS3, it became this thing we shared in secret.
She eventually stopped coming around when she started university, and we both moved on. But I still see her at family functions. We hug, laugh and avoid eye contact when alone.
Do I regret it? I don’t know. I no longer feel attracted to her. Never really did, if I’m honest. I think we were just bored, curious, and left alone too often. But I do think about it sometimes. And it always leaves me unsettled.”
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“We only met during December holidays. But every time, something happened” — *Jide, 28
*Jide doesn’t think he was in love. But he knows something happened, and it kept happening. He shares how a yearly family tradition with his cousin turned into a secret routine that felt normal until it didn’t.
“She was my ‘December cousin’ — her family lived abroad, so every end of year, we’d all gather at our grandfather’s house in Ogun state. About six of us would sleep on the parlour floor like it was camp.
She and I were close in age, and from age 13, there was a weird tension between us. We’d sneak glances, hold hands too long, and laugh at inside jokes. One night, we kissed behind the curtains in one of the bedrooms. She initiated it and I didn’t stop her. It happened a couple of other times before we all returned to our homes, and it happened again the following December. And the next.
However, it never progressed beyond intense kisses and touching. She’d leave, and I’d spend the next 11 months trying not to overthink it. We never messaged each other because I didn’t get my first phone until I turned 17, and she didn’t have one either. It was as if we pressed play and paused once a year.
I haven’t seen her in four years now. Her family doesn’t visit anymore. And sometimes I wonder, if she came back, would we pick up where we left off? Or would we finally talk about what we were doing? I’ve heard people argue in favour of cousins dating and marrying in certain African cultures. To be honest, she doesn’t feel like family at all because we are barely around each other to establish that strong bond.
“I don’t think all incest is automatically bad” — *Edidiong, 23
*Edidiong isn’t saying incest is always okay. Perhaps society’s outrage needs more nuance. She shares how the real issue is consent, not bloodlines.
“First of all, I don’t think incest is a big deal — at least, not the way people often react to it. Anytime the conversation comes up, people rush to mention abuse, and I agree that abuse is wrong. But that’s a separate issue. Once abuse or grooming is involved, it’s no longer about incest — it’s just a crime, period.
What I’m advocating for is consensual relationships between adults. If two cousins grew up together and are only a few months apart in age, why is that anyone’s business?
People always throw in the “what if they have kids and the child comes out deformed?” argument. But what if they don’t want kids? What if they’re gay? Are we really going to base moral outrage on a hypothetical baby that might not even exist? Honestly, I think people need to interrogate their beef with incestuous relationships. Yes, grooming is evil and unacceptable. But if two adult twins fall in love and want to be together, is that the end of the world?
For me, the only real red flag is when there’s a parental or caregiving dynamic. If someone raised you — your mum, dad, an older uncle, or even a cousin who changed your diapers — that’s automatically off-limits. That’s family in the emotional and structural sense.
But cousins? Or that uncle you’re older than who barely knows your middle name? Honestly, that’s fair game.
Finding the right birthday wishes for your dad is more than a nice gesture — it’s a chance to celebrate the man who’s been your biggest cheerleader and toughest teacher. His birthday isn’t just about marking another year, but about honouring everything he means to you.
“Every year, I try to find the right words, but they never seem to be enough,” says Tunde, 29. “My dad is such an amazing person who deserves the whole world.”
Whether you’re sending a quick text, a heartfelt prayer, or a joke to make him laugh, this list of over 100 happy birthday wishes and blessings for your dad has something he’ll definitely appreciate.
Short Birthday Wishes for Your Dad
Sometimes, the simplest words are the most meaningful. These short birthday wishes for your dad are perfect for texts, cards, or quick social media captions to remind him how much he means to you.
Here are some short and sweet birthday wishes to make his day.
Happy birthday, Daddy. Thanks for all that you do and all that you are
Happy birthday to my first best friend!
Happy birthday to my favourite person (don’t tell Mummy).
Shout-out to the first man I ever loved. Happy birthday, Dad.
I may be a little biased, but I have the best dad on the planet.
I’m super grateful to be your child. Happy birthday, Popsi!
Happy birthday to the world’s best dad!
Thanks for absolutely everything, Dad! Enjoy your day!
You are loved and appreciated. Happy birthday, Sir!
Happy birthday to the best dad in the universe!
Wishing the bravest man in the world a happy birthday.
Fathers are the best gift. Happy birthday!
Happy birthday to the best father ever!
Wishing you a day filled with as much love as you give to me!
Happy birthday, Daddy! You’re my greatest inspiration.
Thanks for all you do for me, Dad. Have an amazing birthday!
Happy birthday to the man who means the world to me.
Happy birthday to my role model!
Cheers to another year of being an amazing father!
If you want to give your father a little more than a brief “Happy Birthday,” these longer wishes should do the trick. Dipo, 57, says, “I really appreciate when my children send me expressive birthday messages. It means a lot to me.”
These long and heartfelt birthday wishes for your dad will help you tell him everything he deserves to hear.
Happy birthday, Dad! Every year, I realise just how lucky I am to have a father like you. You have guided me with wisdom, protected me with strength, and loved me without limits. I hope today brings you even half the joy you’ve given me throughout my life. You deserve nothing but happiness, laughter, and love today and always.
Wishing the happiest birthday to the man who has always been my role model, my guide, and my hero. Daddy, your unwavering support and endless patience have shaped me into the person I am today. I hope this year rewards you for all the sacrifices you’ve made and fills your life with new adventures and sweet memories.
To my incredible Dad, happy birthday! I’ve watched you face life’s challenges with courage and heart, and it has taught me so much. Thank you for every lesson, every pep talk, and every silent support you’ve given me. May this year be your most joyful yet.
Happy birthday, Daddy! No matter how old I get, I’ll always be your little one who looks up to you. Your wisdom, your strength, and your laughter have made my world a better place. May your day be filled with endless smiles and unforgettable moments.
On your special day, I just want to remind you how much you mean to me, Dad. You’re not just my father, you’re my hero, my friend, and my biggest inspiration. Happy birthday to the man whose love has been my anchor through every storm.
Wishing you a birthday as legendary as you are, Dad! You’ve given me the kind of love and security that words can barely capture. I hope today brings you peace, joy, and the biggest cake we can find. Cheers to many more years of laughter and good health!
Happy birthday to the man whose heart is as big as his dreams! Dad, your life is a beautiful example of hard work, resilience, and kindness. May this year bring you new blessings, fresh adventures, and more happiness than you ever imagined.
Happy birthday, Sir! Thank you for all the life lessons you taught me, not just through words, but through your actions. You are the definition of what a great man should be, and I am forever proud to be your child. Have an amazing day!
Happy birthday, Dad! Today, we celebrate you. You’re a man who showed me what it means to love unconditionally, to work relentlessly, and to laugh wholeheartedly. I hope this year brings you all the things that make your heart smile.
Happy birthday to the first man I ever loved, respected, and admired. Daddy, your encouragement has been the foundation of my strength. I hope this year is filled with the happiness and success you deserve for being so amazing.
Wishing you a very happy birthday, Sir! You taught me the meaning of loyalty, honesty, and hard work, not through speeches but through the way you live. Thank you for being the greatest example I could ever have. Love you endlessly.
Happy birthday to my incredible father! You made our house a home and our lives rich with your laughter and love. May today and the year ahead be packed with everything that fills your heart with joy. You deserve it all and more.
Daddy, you have taught me the meaning of love and strength. I am grateful for all the time I spent with you. I hope you have a great day ahead. Happy Birthday, Dad!
Having you as my father is the biggest blessing of my life. I hope that your day is filled with happiness. Happy Birthday, Sir!
It is your day, it is time to celebrate you, your love, and your wisdom. Wishing you a very happy birthday, Sir! Thanks for who you are, and for holding this family together. I love and appreciate you.
I am so lucky to have you as my father. You have always been there for me through thick and thin, and I want you to know that I am grateful for it. Happy Birthday, Dad!
Dad, I have learned everything from you. How to be a good human, how to give importance to love and family, and how to work hard to reach my goals. I am so proud to be your child. Wishing you a happy birthday!
Happy birthday, Pops! Your patience, your sacrifices, and your endless love have shaped my world in ways you may never fully realise. On your special day, I just want to say: I see it all, I appreciate it all, and I love you more than words can say.
Dear Dad, on your birthday, I just want to celebrate you for being the wonderful man you are. You’re my greatest teacher, my most trusted advisor, and my forever protector. May your birthday be filled with every good thing life can offer.
Happy birthday to the man who raised me with love, guided me with wisdom, and supported me through everything. Daddy, your strength and compassion are unmatched. I hope your day is as incredible as you are.
There’s something beautiful about taking a moment to express what your dad truly means to you. Ifeoma, 29, says, “I didn’t realise how much my dad had sacrificed for us until I became an adult. Now, his birthday is a chance for me to say thank you in the most meaningful way.”
These touching birthday wishes for your dad are full of warmth, appreciation, and love. They are perfect for the man who helped shape your world.
Happy birthday to my superhero! Thank you for always believing in me when no one did, and thank you for encouraging me to chase my dreams. You are my rock, Dad.
On the occasion of your birthday, I want to tell you that you are an inspiration to me. I see you, and I am reminded of strength and resilience. Thank you for being the hero of my life.
Happy birthday, Dad. There’s no one else in the world who has loved me as fiercely, protected me as fearlessly, or believed in me as wholeheartedly as you have. I am who I am because of you, and I’m forever grateful.
Daddy you are the steady hand that guided me, the strong arms that caught me, and the kind heart that never gave up on me. On your birthday, I just want to say thank you for everything. I love you more than words can express.
Daddy, your love has been the bridge that carried me over every fear and failure. Thank you for holding my hand even when I thought I didn’t need it. Happy birthday, my guardian angel.
Happy birthday to the man whose quiet sacrifices have written the story of my life. I see you, I appreciate you, and I love you more than I can ever say.
Thanks, Dad, for being my role model, my go-to guy and our family’s rock. You’re a real-life superhero, and you deserve an awesome day.
You are my hero, my best friend, my mentor, you are my biggest source of strength. I hope that your birthday is filled with love. Happy birthday!
You have taught me the meaning of love and strength. I am grateful for all the time I spent with you.
Thank you for always believing in me when no one did, and thank you for encouraging me to chase my dreams. You are my rock, Dad. Happy birthday!
Thank you for being a shoulder I can always lean on no matter what. I love you so much. Happy birthday, Dad!
A father’s love is something that you can’t put into words. I hope you always know how much you mean to me. Happy birthday!
Today, I honour you, Dad. Not just for being my father, but for being my safe place, my protector, and my biggest cheerleader. I hope your birthday is filled with all the love you have so selflessly given.
Happy birthday, Dad. If I could give you even a fraction of the love you’ve given me, you’d feel cherished beyond words. Thank you for everything you are and everything you continue to be.
Dad, you have taught me the meaning of love and strength. I am grateful for all the time I spent with you. I hope you have a great day ahead. Happy Birthday, Dad!
Dad, you are the heart of our family, the soul of my childhood, and the wisdom of my future. Happy birthday to the man who has given me everything without ever asking for anything in return.
Every memory I have of you, Dad, is filled with warmth, strength, and love. You have been my biggest supporter and the safest place I know. Happy birthday to the man who made my world a beautiful place.
Happy birthday, Dad. Your love is the silent force that has always lifted me higher. Thank you for believing in me even when I doubted myself. I hope today and every day remind you of how deeply you are loved.
No gift can ever match the one you’ve given me: a lifetime of unconditional love and wisdom. Happy birthday, Dad. I carry your lessons and your love with me every day.
Happy birthday to the man whose love has been the foundation of my life. Dad, you are my hero, my first teacher, and my forever friend. Thank you for being my everything.
Not every birthday message has to be deep or emotional — sometimes, making your dad laugh is the best gift of all. Jim, 32, says, “My dad is always so serious, even on his birthday. If my birthday message doesn’t make him laugh, I feel like I’ve failed.”
This list of funny birthday wishes is full of enough humour to make even the most serious dad have a good laugh.
Happy birthday, Dad! At your age, the candles cost more than the cake.
Happy birthday to the man who taught me everything (except how to act my age).
Happy birthday, Dad! Thanks for passing down your good looks…and your terrible dance moves.
Cheers to the guy who still thinks he’s 25 at heart, even though his knees are over 75.
Happy birthday to the man who gave me my sense of humor, and a bald head.
If you ever feel bad about getting older, just remember: you’re still younger than you’ll be next year!
Happy birthday to the man who always said “yes” when mum said “no.”
Pretty sure I’m your favourite child, but since it’s your special day, I won’t put you on the spot and make you say it out loud!
Happy birthday, Dad! Remember, age is just a number. In your case, a really huge one!
Daddy, in honour of your birthday today, here’s a throwback pic to prove you’ve always been cooler than me.
HBD Popsi. Nobody is better than a cool person raising the coolest person ever (That’s me.)
Happy birthday, Dad. Enjoy another 365 days of an all-expense paid trip around the sun!
Happy birthday to the person who is perfect in every way. Well, except your cooking. I love you anyway, Dad!
Happy birthday, Dad! I’d get you a gift, but you already have the best one…me!
I was trying to think of funny birthday wishes to send you, but I couldn’t come up with anything. Just pretend I wrote something hilarious. Happy birthday, Daddy!
Congrats, Dad! You’ve officially been alive longer than most of your jokes.
Happy birthday to the man who can fix anything — except his hairline.
Cheers to the only man I know who falls asleep on the couch but insists he’s still awake.
Wishing you a day filled with as much joy as you get from fixing something that wasn’t even broken.
Another year older and somehow still cooler than half the people I know. You’re a legend, Dad.
Your dad’s birthday is a great opportunity to speak blessings over his life. Ahmed, 35, says, “My dad’s always been the prayer warrior of the house. He appreciates it when we also pray for him.”
These birthday prayers for your Dad are a beautiful way to celebrate his life.
May your life be filled with health, happiness and peace. Happy birthday, Dad!
May God continue to bless you with wisdom because He knows that I count on you for all your sage advice. Happy birthday, Daddy!
May God hold you in the palm of His hand today and always. Happy birthday, Sir!
I wish you more smiles than worries and more blessings than you can count this year. Happy birthday, Dad.
May life always be kind to you, and may love and family surround you. Happy birthday, Dad!
Happy birthday, Daddy! I pray that your heart remains light and your spirit stays youthful.
May all the seeds of kindness you have sown in others return to you a hundredfold. Happy birthday, Dad!
I pray that you live to see your children’s children and enjoy the fruits of your labour in health and peace.
May God’s unending mercy and favour rest upon you now and always. Amen.
Wishing you a birthday filled with the peace of Christ and the love of family.
Happy birthday, Sir. I pray that you continue to be a pillar of strength and a light in our lives through God’s grace.
May the Lord renew your strength like the eagle’s and bless you with wisdom and good health.
May Allah (SWT) bless you with a long life filled with barakah, good health, and unwavering faith
I pray Allah continues to guide and protect you, and grants you peace in your heart.
Ya Allah, on this special day, bless my father with joy in both this life and the hereafter. Ameen.
To the greatest dad in the world, may your birthday be as amazing as you are.
Happy Birthday to the man who’s always been there for me. Keep living a life of righteousness.
I pray that Allah grants you Jannah (Paradise) and rewards you abundantly for all the sacrifices you have made for us. Happy birthday, Daddy!
May God bless you with a day that is as incredible as the life you’ve led. Happy birthday Dad!
Happy birthday to the one who taught me to be strong and kind. May you always be surrounded by people and things that bring you joy.
The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
Mandy and I have been dating for a little over two years. We’ll mark our third anniversary in October.
How did you meet?
We attended the same secondary school but were in different sets, so we didn’t know each other until we met at our school’s alumni reunion in September 2022.
We exchanged numbers and went on a few cinema dates before I asked her to be my girlfriend. I actually asked her twice; she initially said no, but I asked again a few weeks later, and she said yes.
Do you know why she initially said no?
It was my fault. We had gone out to eat at a fast-food place, and the cashier accidentally charged me an extra ₦1k. I say “accidentally”, but I believe it was deliberate. Those guys like to overcharge people, hoping they don’t notice.
I noticed and created a scene because the cashier tried to act unaware. The matter was eventually resolved, but Mandy had found the whole thing embarrassing. I asked her to be my girlfriend later that night, and she said no.
It came out of nowhere. We’d been vibing before that date. I asked to know why, and she said it was because of how I acted. I apologised and things returned to normal. When I asked later, she said yes.
What were your and Mandy’s financial situations like at the time?
I was a freelance writer on Upwork and occasionally worked remotely with an agency in Lagos. My monthly income was usually ₦300k – ₦350k minimum. Things weren’t as bad as they are now, so it was good money. However, you wouldn’t know by looking at me. I was — and still am — very frugal and saved my money.
When we started dating, Mandy didn’t understand my frugal nature. She was a corps member whose only income was what she made from NYSC: ₦33k allawee and ₦15k from her PPA, but she still managed to buy whatever she wanted.
Mandy can use her last ₦2k to satisfy a shawarma craving and damn the consequences. I, on the other hand, can have ₦200k, and rather than satisfy my craving, I’d convince myself I didn’t really want shawarma, so I can save the money. Mandy was confused by this. She’d be like, “Are you allergic to enjoying yourself? What’s the point of making money if you can’t enjoy it once in a while?”
Did you think she might have a point?
I understand where she’s coming from, but the need to save money and spend only on the most important things has become a part of me.
Growing up, my dad was a chronic debtor, and people often chased him down for their money. It was always embarrassing for the family, and I never want to be in that situation. So, I’d rather save too much than spend too much.
Mandy knows this, and she understands me better now. She hardly questions why I don’t like spending money anymore, but we sometimes disagree when she wants us to do things involving money, and I refuse.
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Things like what?
Usually dates. Mandy likes going out, and for a while now, she’s been trying to get us to go out. She complains that I was more into dates before we started dating, and now I don’t want to do it anymore.
The truth is, I don’t see the point. Those initial dates were necessary because we were getting to know each other, and I wanted her to be my girlfriend. We’re dating now, and we see each other every day.
She even spends more time in my apartment because she doesn’t have a good relationship with her roommate. So, what is the point of going on dates, then? It feels like a waste of money.
It doesn’t make sense to go under another roof to spend money all in the name of wanting to spend time together on a date.
I guess Mandy disagrees with this thinking
She definitely disagrees, and it often causes friction between us. Whenever she brings up the dates and I refuse, she sulks for a few days and accuses me of taking her for granted. I apologise and make it up to her with food or love notes, and she eventually forgives me.
Interestingly, we hardly quarrel, but when we do, it’s always about money. When she’s not complaining about going on dates, it’s me complaining about her money habits. Mandy has finished NYSC and now earns ₦100k, but she’s always broke by the third week of the month because she believes in enjoying her money.
I’m screaming
My girlfriend can collect her salary today, and suddenly remember she’s craving something or sees something online she thinks would look good on me. I’m always on her neck about saving money, and it sometimes leads to disputes, but she doesn’t listen.
The only time she has listened to my opinion on her finances was when she borrowed money from a loan app last year, and they started disturbing her. I warned her that I’d leave her in an instant if she ever became a regular user of loan apps. She has not borrowed money from them again, to my knowledge.
When she needs extra money, she either turns to her parents or siblings because she knows I’ll give her a lecture on financial discipline if she comes to me. At this point, I’ve just accepted I’m the saver and financial planner in the relationship.
I mean, someone has to be. Does your financial planning include gifts and romance stuff?
Not really. Besides birthday gifts, the most I do is occasionally send her ₦10k, especially when I know she’s really broke. However, I’ve reduced that since 2024 because I no longer earn as much as I used to.
I don’t get as many Upwork gigs as before, so I transitioned from occasional staff to a full-time role at the Lagos agency I mentioned earlier. I still take on freelance gigs if they come, but my only sure income is ₦180k, and that doesn’t leave room to spend anyhow. My safety net won’t build itself.
Speaking of, what does your safety net look like now?
I currently have ₦12m in my savings. It may sound like a lot, but it’s actually not. The goal is to build my own house and still have enough money left over to keep. So, I still have a long way to go.
I’m very sure Mandy doesn’t have a safety net, but she has the liberty to not think too deeply about it. She’s a woman and doesn’t have to worry about having enough money to set up a home. That’s the man’s problem.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
To own as many properties as possible. Mandy and I will probably get married within the next two years, and I often tell her we’ll only do a parlour wedding so we can save money and invest in real estate instead.
I’m sure she thinks I’m joking, but my mind is made up. Real estate is our future; a wedding is just a temporary, unnecessary expense. If she doesn’t eventually agree with that, it’ll be a major deal-breaker for me.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
*Fikayo, 22, thought dating apps would be a harmless way to meet people — maybe even find love someday. Instead, what started as casual talking stages spiralled into flings, endless choices, and a cycle of emotional emptiness she’s still trying to heal from.
In this story, she shares how Bumble fed her insecurities, why validation became addictive, and the moment she knew she had to walk away and start over.
This is Fikayo’s story as told to Adeyinka
Before I ever downloaded a dating app, I was just a shy girl trying to survive university life in Benin Republic. I didn’t have much of a social life — no parties, no cliques, not even many friends. I was always indoors, buried in books, moving between my classes and the hostel. Dating wasn’t even something I thought much about.
One day, someone suggested Tinder. I was almost 18 and bored out of my mind, so I thought, why not? The excitement hit immediately. I loved chatting with different people, even if I wasn’t meeting anyone physically. It made me feel less isolated.
But it didn’t last long. I got banned after a while, probably because one of the talking stages reported me for being underage. No matter how many new accounts I tried to open, Tinder wouldn’t let me back. Their system flagged my device. It stung at the time, but it led me somewhere else.
One random afternoon, while scrolling through the App Store, I found Bumble. It came up as a suggestion after Tinder. I downloaded it out of pure boredom, curious to see what it was about. That was how my Bumble journey began.
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Initially, I wasn’t meeting anyone in person. I was back in Lagos for my industrial training and still living a very introverted life. I started chatting with a guy from Lekki, and we got along well. We had planned to meet, but due to my work schedule and general busyness, it never happened. Eventually, he stopped replying to my messages. When I asked if I’d done anything wrong, he just ignored me.
I returned to Benin Republic after completing my training. Sometime later, the Lekki guy finally responded and explained that he had pulled away because I was too young — I was 18, while he was 30 — and because it was clear we weren’t going to meet.
Back in Benin Republic, I jumped right back on Bumble. This time, I was determined to meet people in person.
And I did — a lot of them.
There was a wild period when I was casually dating several Beninese men. Some of them couldn’t even speak English properly, but that didn’t stop me. We’d use Google Translate to have conversations, laughing awkwardly over miscommunications and trying to bridge the gap.
In hindsight, it was crazy — building casual flings with people I could barely understand. But in those moments, I didn’t care. I was young, free, and knew I wasn’t staying long in the country. I wasn’t looking for anything serious. It was about the experiences.
When I graduated and returned to Lagos, I deleted Bumble for the first time. I had gotten into a long-distance relationship and didn’t want any distractions. But eight months later, the relationship crashed, and I found my way back to Bumble.
This time, it was different.
I had gotten a place to stay on the Island for NYSC, and meeting people became ridiculously easy. I was meeting three, sometimes four, different guys every week. If we vibed online, we met. If we met, there was almost always intimacy. It got so bad that at one point, I couldn’t even tell you what my body count was anymore.
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Sometimes I met guys who weren’t my type, and it was easy to move on because there were always more options. Other times, I’d meet a guy who was exactly my type — rich, tall, good-looking — and still move on because neither of us was looking for attachment. I wasn’t looking for love, I just enjoyed the thrill.
After a while, though, it started to eat at me. I realised I had built an unhealthy mindset: If anyone showed a flaw or did something I didn’t like, I instantly told myself there were hundreds of better people out there. The sea of options on Bumble made me impatient and unrealistic about people. Relationships began to seem disposable.
And then there were the scary parts. One day, I met a guy off Bumble. We decided to have a movie date indoors. I wasn’t worried because I was on my period and didn’t expect anything to happen. But halfway through, he tried to force himself on me. I had to scream and fight him off before he stopped and started begging. I left his house feeling disgusted, scared, and deeply ashamed.
That night, I told myself something needed to change.
I didn’t delete Bumble immediately. I was too addicted to the excitement, the easy company. But I became stricter with my rules: no more meeting people immediately. At least two weeks of chatting before any physical meetup. No more indoor meetings either.
Still, even with stricter rules, the cycle continued. I’d meet someone, we’d hit it off, a week later, they’d vanish, and I’d move on to the next. It felt endless, like I was stuck in a loop I didn’t know how to break.
Eventually, I deleted the app for real. Since then, I haven’t spoken to anyone new. No talking stages, no casual hook-ups, and for the first time in years, I feel at peace.
Looking back now, I understand why I threw myself so deeply into Bumble and those endless talking stages. I’ve always been a little chubby, and from a young age, people made me feel like I wasn’t enough. Like slim girls were the ones who got chosen first, while people like me just had to manage. That narrative stuck with me longer than I realised.
However, on Bumble, the story took a different turn. Suddenly, it was rich guys, handsome guys, gym bros — all giving me attention, choosing me, chasing me. And not just virtually. Even when we met in person, the energy remained the same. It was like every insecurity I’d grown up with was being wiped away, one match at a time.
I wasn’t settling. I was being desired by the exact kind of people I thought were out of reach. And for a long time, that made me feel powerful. But power built on endless validation doesn’t last. Eventually, it left me feeling empty. Like I was always searching for something more, like no one was ever enough.
Today, I’m trying to rewrite that story.
I’m celibate now — three months and counting. I’m learning to lean on God, to lean into friendships that don’t come with ulterior motives, and to find fulfillment outside of who’s texting or matching with me.
It’s not always easy. There are days when I miss the thrill of it all. Days when loneliness creeps in. But I remind myself why I started this journey, why I needed to pause and heal before trying to love anyone else.
I want to get married within the next two years. I genuinely believe I’m capable of a long-term commitment. But this time, I’m preparing the version of myself who can build something healthy, not the girl constantly looking for new faces to fill a space.
For now, I’m holding on to my peace, my growth, and a quiet kind of happiness I haven’t felt in a very long time.
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
What’s your earliest memory of money?
I remember my dad visiting us and giving me money gifts, usually ₦100. I was around 6 or 7, so ₦100 was big money. It was extra special because my mum didn’t give my siblings or me money. So, I looked forward to my dad coming home.
Your dad didn’t live with your family?
He didn’t. My dad was a trader who often travelled to Niger Republic for business. It was mostly just my mum, my siblings, and me at home. As a child, I associated my dad’s coming home with the opportunity to get money, which was fun.
But as I got older, I realised he was abusive, and my mum preferred it when he wasn’t around. He beat her and barely provided for anything besides rent and school fees. Once, I heard my mum complain to someone that all my dad dropped in four months was ₦20k.
I didn’t know what ₦20k could do, but the way she lamented, it was clear it wasn’t enough. She had to handle every other expense with her ₦8k/month teacher salary. Throughout my secondary school years, I had to join the school bus before dawn because my mum had persuaded the driver to carry my siblings and me for free, and that was the only time that worked for him.
Phew. That must have been tough
One time, I went to a neighbour’s house to beg for food because my mum was crying in the room about the lack of food. I told the neighbour my mum was crying, and she gave me a tuber of yam.
But when I returned home and showed my mum the yam, she was furious. She was like, “Who sent you?”
We truly had nothing, but she preferred to pretend. Another time, she fainted at our compound gate because of stress. Things were really hard.
However, despite our situation, my mum refused to let me work. It was always, “Focus on your studies”. Even in uni, I didn’t do anything until my final year. And it wasn’t as if I was receiving one big allowance.
At that point, my mum had stopped teaching and was in the process of starting her own school, so I had to go to my dad for money. Once he sent me ₦5k/month for pocket money, it was a struggle to get any more money from him.
How did you manage to survive in uni then?
Thank God for my boyfriend. I probably would’ve starved if he weren’t there.
My dad’s major concerns were my school and accommodation fees. I was basically on my own for the rest. Omo, I managed so much in the first two years in uni. I couldn’t afford clothes or even make my hair.
The first time I braided my hair with an attachment was in 200 level, and it happened because a hairdresser I knew saw me walking around with my rough hair and was like, “Ah. What’s this? Just buy one attachment and come, let me braid your hair for free.”
I didn’t know students could have money until I accidentally saw my friend’s account balance, and it had about ₦80k. I asked her how she had all that money, and she put me on.
I’m listening
She advised me to add extra money to the cost of the school expenses I shared with my dad. Since he only attended to those requests, it was the only way I could make money.
So, I started adding ₦10k to ₦20k to anything school-related, and he paid it. My mum was aware of my arrangement, and sometimes I sent her the extra money because I knew my dad didn’t give her anything.
You mentioned finally working for money in your final year. How did that happen?
There was a brief ASUU strike in 2019, so I found a job in a factory that produced baby wool. I worked there for a month and earned ₦25k.
I graduated from uni that same year and went for NYSC. The state government paid me ₦5k/month, and the federal government paid me the ₦33k NYSC stipend. It wasn’t great money, but I was posted to a village and didn’t have major expenses. In fact, I didn’t touch a kobo from the stipends. I’d graduated from uni with about ₦300k in my savings — money I’d gathered from my dad and boyfriend — which was more than enough for service year.
What happened after service year?
I tried to get a government job, but the man everyone said could help me wanted me to sleep with him. That wasn’t an option, so I decided to try a business while I waited to find a job.
I bought bags of rice from a neighbouring community and brought them to the state capital to sell. I did that for the remaining months of 2020 and made a ₦30k profit on 100kg bags of rice. At the same time, my dad suffered a stroke and had to return to Nigeria. He also tried to connect me with people to help me find a job, but nothing worked.
Then, in February 2021, my mum called to complain that my dad intended to take my younger brother to Niger to manage his tailoring materials business. My dad needed an eye in Niger to monitor the operations and apprentices.
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Why was your mum unhappy about that?
My brother had just finished secondary school, and going to Niger meant he wouldn’t return to school anytime soon. My mum wanted him to go to uni, so she wasn’t on board. In the end, we decided I’d be the one to go to Niger to oversee my dad’s business.
I was supposed to spend a year while my dad recovered, but it’s been four years now, and I’m still here. He’s now used to staying in Nigeria.
Do you get paid to manage your dad’s business?
He initially said he’d pay me, but when I didn’t see any money, I started paying myself. I manage the money, so I pay myself a portion of our monthly profits.
The money isn’t set in stone, since we don’t make the same profit every month, but I get an average of ₦200k. I don’t get as much as that on most months — the economy has significantly dipped since the military took over Niger in 2023. Before this happened, it wasn’t unusual to make ₦200k profit in one day.
I notice you keep talking about money in naira even though you’re in Niger
I’ve been thinking in naira since 2023, which is a result of the economic changes here and Nigeria’s currency devaluation.
Before 2023, the naira had a higher value than the CFA. However, now 1000cf is approximately ₦2700, and the exchange rate is often subject to change. I don’t have a bank account here, so I still keep my money in my Nigerian account. It’s just easier to think about everything in naira.
The business should ideally make me think in CFA, but I convert business money to naira. I used to deposit CFA into the business account here in Niger, but I stopped a few years ago when my dad visited and withdrew all the funds. He said he needed it to fence his land, but my mum confirmed he didn’t do anything.
Since then, I’ve converted business funds and kept them in my account, so I have some control over them. But that doesn’t mean I don’t send money to my dad when he asks for it, which is often.
How often?
Very often. He’s a major reason my salary is irregular. My dad is constantly demanding money from the business. I mean, as often as twice a week, and I have no choice but to give him money whenever he calls.
At first, I tried to caution him about his spending, but he’d scream about how it was none of my business. It’s his business, and he can do whatever he wants. After a while, I grew tired of the money disputes and let him do as he pleased. At least whenever he complains about the business not doing well, there’s an account book to show the role he plays in that.
I don’t even know where or how he spends his money because he still doesn’t give my mum money. I know he has a knack for buying drinks for people and dashing them money, but he shouldn’t be burning through cash as quickly as he does. He still takes money from the business for things like school fees and house expenses, so I don’t know what he’s spending on.
I occasionally sneakily send money to my mum from the business. He has explicitly asked me not to send his money to my mum or siblings. But that one is his own. I can’t be suffering in this extremely hot weather and not be able to help my family.
What quality of life would you say your income affords you?
I save far more than I spend, and I have minimal expenses, so I’d say life is quite good. Sometimes I regret coming here to work for my dad, but I can now support myself, so it’s not all bad. At least I can buy what I want without waiting on anyone.
Recently, I purchased some land in Nigeria for ₦2m. The money came from my savings, and I still have approximately ₦6 million saved.
Do you have plans for your savings?
For now, it’s a safety net. Sometimes, when my dad starts ranting about how the business is his, he makes comments like, “I can throw you out anytime.” So, if he does throw me out, I’ll have something to fall back on.
Let’s talk about your expenses. What do they look like in a typical month?
I live with three boys, so my feeding budget is nonexistent; we just constantly buy food. I do a lot of bulk food shopping when I visit Nigeria, but I don’t even have a range of how much I spend. The budget for my mum’s feeding comes from the business.
Out of curiosity, do you plan to manage your dad’s business in the long term?
I don’t have another plan at the moment. It’s like my brain has been clouded since I came to this place, and I feel stuck. I wasn’t like this before. I once considered pursuing a master’s degree and finding employment. But since I got here, the only thing I think about is the day-to-day of the business. I’m stuck in the routine of going from the house to the shop and back.
I often wish I hadn’t come here in the first place because managing my dad and the business is really overwhelming. He wouldn’t be constantly calling me for money if I weren’t working for him.
Maybe I’d have gotten a government job back in Nigeria, and my life would’ve been different. The salary might not be as high as what I make here, but I would have peace and feel like I’m making progress. On some days, I can’t even gather myself to go to the shop and just lie in bed all day. It’s exhausting.
I hope everything becomes clearer soon. How would you rate your financial happiness on a scale of 1-10?
9. I don’t have a money problem anymore, so at least I’m happy on that front.
If you’re interested in talking about your Naira Life story, this is a good place to start.
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Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Joshua*(30) created a close group of friends who weathered the storms of university with him. However, they began to avoid him after they graduated, and he was having a hard time finding his feet.
In this story, he discusses how he realised that their friendship had run its course.
Tell me how your friend group began.
In 2012, I met *Chidi at the University of Nigeria. His roommate was a mutual friend, and as I kept visiting, Chidi and I eventually became really close friends.. By late 2012, I introduced Chidi to my other friend, Nonso. They clicked immediately, and the three of us became a tight trio. Then, in early 2013, I met Richard, who was a year below us. I saw him as a younger sibling and was fiercely protective of him because of his effeminate traits, which made him a bullying target.
By 2016, all these friendships merged into one, and we became a clique of four.
What was your friendship like with your group?
It was tight-knit and fantastic. We’re all queer, so we naturally became each other’s primary community— our own little found family. We all had creative interests, so we shared poetry and stories with each other. We also went through some tough times together.
In 2016, Chidi, Nonso and I were meant to graduate, but all three of us had extra semesters. The experience was not as bad because we had each other. It even felt like the universe wanted to keep us together a little longer. We spent a lot of time together that year.
It sounds like your friendship was great. What changed?
Things slowly started to get weird in 2017, though at the time, I shrugged it off as nothing. Chidi began hanging out with a group of queer people who were much older and prominent in the school’s creative community. After a while, he became noticeably more elitist in his interactions with others.
He started saying things like, “If you use this type of phone, don’t talk to me.”At first, I thought it was playful banter. Everyone at UNN that year was obsessed with Drag Race culture, and it was trendy to be a diva. But for Chidi, it stopped being jokes and became his actual personality.
He would constantly throw shade at everyone in the group, especially me. In hindsight, he found every opportunity to belittle or insult me, but at the time, I took it in stride because I thought he was just being silly.
Things didn’t get better as time went on.
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Tell me about it
After school, we were scattered across the country. I was in Enugu, Chidi moved to Lagos, Nonso was in Akwa-Ibom, and Richard went off for NYSC in Ife. Our friendship became more virtual. Chidi didn’t really talk to us anymore; he was stuck in his elitist ways and drifted further away. But the three of us— Nonso, Richard and I remained close. In 2022, due to some family issues, I quit my job and moved to Port Harcourt. Port Harcourt isn’t far from Akwa Ibom where Nonso stayed, so I told him I’d like to visit him. He seemed excited at first, but anytime I proposed a date, he would say he was busy. At first, I understood. Life happens. Jobs are demanding. But then something else happened that made it clear he just didn’t want to spend time with me.
What incident was that?
In early 2023, Richard had to be in Uyo for work. I was excited because I hadn’t seen him since we graduated. I suggested that Nonso and I visit Uyo so we could hang out like the old days, but Richard declined, saying he’d be too busy with work. I thought that was fair and took his words for it.
A few days later, I saw videos and pictures of Richard and Nonso hanging out together on social media. They’d planned it. They cut me out so I wouldn’t try to join them.
How did that make you feel?
Foolishly, I didn’t read much into it at the time. I just thought it was great that two of my closest friends found a way to spend time together. I wish I was there, but I didn’t think they intentionally cut me out.
Looking back now, it’s obvious.
Fair enough. What happened after that?
Nothing, really. I remained unemployed in Port Harcourt, and eventually, I got tired and moved back to Lagos. While there, I applied for a master’s degree abroad and was awarded a scholarship in 2024. I was excited and shared the news with Richard, and I remember him saying it was nice that something good was finally happening to me. He then admitted he’d been avoiding hanging out with me because it felt like I didn’t have anything going on.
It really stung, but I shrugged it off again.
Shortly after that conversation, in September, my phone broke down, and I went offline. I couldn’t afford to change it, so I got a little torchlight phone as a replacement. It was during this time that I noticed something significant: Acquaintances from social media checked up on me when I went offline. But none of my so-called best friends reached out—not even one.
In October 2024, I called Nonso for his birthday. He didn’t respond, not even with a “thank you.”
The experience made me realise I was the one carrying the relationship. If I didn’t reach out, they wouldn’t reach out. They didn’t want to hang out with me, and they didn’t care how I was doing.
I reviewed our friendship and realised I’d ignored so many signs: the belittling insults, the constant distancing and the outright avoidance. I decided to cut my losses and stopped reaching out entirely.
Have any of them tried to reach out to you since then?
When I got a new phone and posted something online, Richard tried to worm his way back with weak excuses about being “too busy” and “missing me”, but I’m not about that life. I responded politely, but I know better now. He’s not my friend.
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What’s something you learned from this experience?
First, just because you’re in the same community doesn’t mean you’re truly friends.
Second, you have to stay vigilant. Sometimes, you outgrow friendships. Sometimes people outgrow you. Not all friendships last forever, but forcing a dying friendship to stay alive is more painful than letting it go.
Do you think you’d ever reconcile with your friend group?
No, never. I think we’ve become different people with different beliefs. It hurt, but I think we’re better off apart. I’m making new friends, and I’m happier now than I was before.
If you want to share your own Sunken Ships story, fill this form.
*Ngozi (46) married her first love, *Innocent (47), in 2007, and from the moment they met, she believed they were soulmates. But over the years, what started as a fairy tale slowly unravelled into something entirely different.
This is Ngozi’s story, as told to Mofiyinfoluwa.
Innocent and I met in secondary school, and from the beginning, it felt like we were made for each other. Everyone knew us—the students, teachers, and even people in town. They would tease us when we walked hand in hand, but we didn’t care. We did everything together.
He was the only child of a petty trader, and even though they didn’t have much, that made me love him more. I understood what it felt like to grow up alone. I was my mother’s only child, and after she died, I moved in with my grandmother. My father and half-siblings were distant people I barely knew. So when Innocent came along, it felt like I had finally found home.
The first time he broke my heart was shortly after we finished secondary school. I found out he’d impregnated his mother’s salesgirl. He denied it over and over again, even after her family came to disgrace him publicly. It wasn’t until the baby came out looking like his photocopy that he finally admitted it was a “one-time mistake.”
I was devastated, but I took him back. I was so deeply in love, and believed him when he said it meant nothing. At the time, I was writing my JAMB exams and decided to choose a university in the west, far from him and our town in the east. Innnocent applied to a top-ranked university closer to home but couldn’t afford the fees, and he didn’t like the course he was offered. So, he stayed behind to help his mother’s business, while I went off to school.
Even though I was far away, I stayed faithful to Innocent. I sent him part of my pocket money. I’d lie about my school expenses just to squeeze money out and send it to him. Sometimes, I would travel down to visit him because they were struggling to eat.
This went on for about three years. Every year, he applied for Engineering, but they kept offering him Estate Management. By the time I got to 400-level, I was exhausted. Everyone, including his family and mine, begged him to accept the course and move on.
My friends couldn’t understand why I stayed with him. They pointed out that I was clearly ahead of him now and wasn’t gaining anything from the relationship. I had other suitors too, but I didn’t care. We had made a promise to stay faithful to each other, and in my heart, I still believed in that vow.
After I graduated and completed my NYSC in 2004, I moved back to the East — partly to pursue my master’s degree, but mostly to be close to Innocent. I took up a job as a teacher and waited patiently for him to finish school. When he finally did, we didn’t waste time. We got married in 2007, just like we had planned.
The early years of marriage weren’t easy, but we were hopeful. Estate management ultimately proved to be a blessing. Innocent is naturally persuasive and skilled with people, so things progressed quickly for him. Before long, he was handling properties across the country. We were building the fairytale life I’d always dreamed of.
Until it wasn’t.
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I had just given birth to our first child two years after marriage, in 2009, when I started hearing whispers. People kept mentioning another child with another woman. I confronted him with evidence this time, and he broke down crying. He said it was a mistake. But what hurt even more was discovering that the child was about a year older than ours. It didn’t make sense to me. He was the one who insisted we wait until we were stable before trying for kids, so why didn’t that same logic apply? I was nursing a newborn and already exhausted from life. So I stayed.
And then, just like that, we became really wealthy. The kind of wealth I never even dreamed of. From the outside, everything looked perfect. But behind closed doors, I was battling fertility issues. We had agreed that our daughter shouldn’t grow up alone, and I desperately wanted to give her siblings. The doctors said stress might be a factor, so Innocent encouraged me to quit my job. We eventually turned to IVF, and after months of trying, I finally got pregnant with twin boys. I gave birth in December 2014.
I was still recovering from the delivery when someone came to congratulate me and said, “Wow. Your husband is a new father of triplets!” I laughed and corrected her. “No o, I had twins. Not triplets.” But she shook her head and said, “I didn’t make a mistake. He just had another son with a woman in town.”
That one broke me completely. I collapsed on the spot and became deeply depressed in the weeks and months that followed. I kept asking myself how this man could hurt me the same way, over and over again. But I now had three children, with no job, and had poured every part of myself into this marriage. He begged again, and I stayed again. But something inside me shut down.
People had always said that he married me out of guilt; this incident solidified my doubts. I became distant and emotionally numb. By then, he wasn’t even hiding it anymore. He openly paraded women all over the city. One day, I was so lost in thought that I left my car and walked for nearly two hours. I didn’t realise I had wandered to the outskirts of town until a stranger stopped me and asked if I was okay.
After that, everyone agreed I needed help. I didn’t argue — I needed the space. Innocent got us a house abroad, and I moved there with the kids. Despite everything Innocent had done, I missed him. I was still in love with him. A part of me kept hoping he’d walk through the door one day, ready to be the man I fell in love with. Could it be that money had changed him?
Then one random day, while scrolling through Instagram, I came across a birth vlog. It was a woman in London giving birth. And there he was — my husband — right beside her, holding her hand. I did some research and discovered that he had married her, too.
I collapsed. Again.
That was when I knew: I couldn’t keep living like this. But I also couldn’t leave. Not yet. I didn’t want to lose my children. I didn’t want to lose the life I had sacrificed everything for. So I made peace with my reality.
I never confronted him. What was the point? I already knew everything I needed to know. Now we’re still married, but not really together. We speak only when necessary. He visits and sends money. I do what I have to do, and it works for me.
I plan to wait until my children are grown. Until they’re strong and settled and don’t need me every day. Then maybe, when we’re old and grey, I’ll finally have the strength to leave him.
