Dating in Nigeria is a battle so you gats be prepared! Here are all the types of Nigerian men you are bound to meet:
1. The young man – He texts like spelling is something of a struggle and has to ask his mum for permission before he takes you on a date.
Which one is “wots popn?”
2. The silver fox – You know you are wasting each others time but it’s ok like that.
Sighhh!
3. The one with international exposure – Always making reference to his days back in “da unaded keendom” or “U S of A”.
Let us hear word oh!
4. The local champion – He doesn’t even bother speaking english.
And he’s okay like that.
5. The one that is always too serious.
Not everyday parables, sometimes just talk normally.
6. The class clown – This one thinks everything is a joke and refuses to be serious.
If you don’t joke will you die?
7. The one that always has “money issues”.
He’s not broke, he’s just upcoming.
8. The rich man – Nobody knows where his money comes from but it’s there sha.
Na Baba God.
9. The troublemaker
One day, one trouble.
10. The lover – all he knows is late night calls and pet names.
Oga wake up, this is not telanovella.
11. The regular nice guy – He’s single, kind, funny and responsible, hardworking and really likes you.
He also doesn’t exist. Wake up.
1. The Razz Girlfriend
Will embarass you in public
You can’t take her out
Her boyfriend is probably named Sege
2. The Lowkey Most Wanted Girlfriend
Nobody knows who she is dating
But everybody still wants her
She has different boyfriends she doesn’t even know about
3. The Fortunate Girlfriend
Everybody likes her and pities her
Can give you 40% of her salary if she loves you
Once you break up with her good things start happening to her
4. The Role Model Girlfriend
Is dating a rich guy
Has the best and perfect relationship
She is your boyfriend’s WCW
5. The Talkative Girlfriend
Wants to talk all the time
Is always making grammar mistakes
Can still steal your boyfriend
6. The “our wife” Girlfriend
Is very pretty and liked by everyone
Will cook for her boyfriend and his friends
Cries a lot when she is maltreated
7. The Patient Girlfriend
Treats her boyfriend right all the time
Will forgive you if you cheat
Only if you sing “African Queen” three times
8. The Greedy Girlfriend
Cannot keep her eyes somewhere
Always looking for some special type of boyfriend called Johnny
She will use all your money for funny hairstyles
9. The Family’s Favorite Girlfriend
Is the best girlfriend
Her boyfriend’s mother and her are best friends
Her boyfriend likes to call her “my wife”
10. The Gist Bank Girlfriend
Has every human beings gist
Will tell you who your boyfriend is cheating on you with
Will show you her expensive bag when you ask “where is your boyfriend?”
11. The Relationship Advisor Girlfriend
Will tell you what to do to have the best relationship
Always has relationship problems
Can dress well and steal your man at your own wedding
12. The Secret Girlfriend
Will dress better than the host at any party
Can help you date your boyfriend
Knows how to run a catering business
13. The Angry Girlfriend
She probably pressured her boyfriend into a relationship
Can beat you up and cause trouble if you don’t propose quickly
Will break up with you and block you on instagram if you smile to another girl
14. The Sure Girlfriend
Comes from a rich family
Spoils her boyfriend whenever she can
Your boyfriend is probably in her inbox
1. The Joker Boyfriend
Never takes you or anything serious
Is always joking
Asks you “where did you put it?” when you say “I didn’t see my period”.
2. The Community Boyfriend
Always boasts of his abilities in bed.
Nobody knows who he’s really dating
Different girls keep claiming him.
3. The All Seeing Boyfrend
He can see everything
He only has to look at you to know what you need or want.
Best guy. He can even see when you are lying.
4. The Rich Boyfriend
He always brags about how much money he has to everybody.
Will take you shopping in Dubai.
Will give you monthly allowance if you’re his baby mama.
5. The Most Sought AFter Boyfriend
Everybody wants him.
His girlfriend is tired of seeing heart emojis on his Instagram page.
Too many women make him their MCM.
6. The Fruitful One Time Boyfriend
Swears he loves his girl.
Any girl he hangs out with, is in the maternity ward nine months later.
Nobody understands why or how.
7. The Happening Boyfriend
This guy is everywhere.
His girlfriend is always proud of him.
Every girl wants to be with him because he is very popular.
Only bad part is he likes to be petty on the internet.
8. The Lowkey Boyfriend
He is an alright guy.
Nobody cares about him.
His girlfriend is never worried about him cheating because other girls don’t think he is good enough.
9. The Faithful Boyfriend
He is attractive, girls throw themselves at him.
He is never involved in woman wahala.
He adores his baby mama, and flaunts her at intervals.
10. The Crazy Boyfriend
Girls that he has moved to think he acts strange a lot.
His girlfriend is afraid of him and he is unpredictable.
He could wake up and start ringing a bell for no reason.
11. The New Boyfriend
Is new to the dating scene.
His one and only relationship is a hit.
He keeps spoiling his girl with good gifts.
Other girls tell their boyfriends to be like him.
12. The Eligible Bachelor
Everyone knows he is single, but also feels he has a girlfriend.
Is always a groomsman
Refuses to comment on his relationship status.
Under G guy.
13. The Greedy Boyfriend
Has the best girlfriend in the world.
His girl is proud of him
Always asking God for more.
14. The Confused Boyfriend
Nobody understands this kind of guy.
He claims he has a girlfriend
Acts like he is a girlfriend sometimes.
15. The “It Was Only One Time”Boyfriend
Is always everywhere
Can sleep around if he wants
Believes it takes more than once to get a girl pregnant
16. The Annoying Boyfriend
Gives the best relationship advice
Lives on the internet
Will date you for 10 years
For those who had girlfriends in secondary school, or situationships if you were a player that early, you must have experienced some of these situations. Nothing more annoying than it feeling like a relationship in a prison.
1. When a junior comes to tell you your girlfriend is waiting in the lobby for you
It’s lit! Time to go meet the love of my life.
2. When your girlfriend tells you to keep a seat for her and her friends
We must sit together today. Rare opportunity.
3. Making sure nobody dances with your girlfriend at socials
She’s mine and mine alone.
4. When you see your seniors talking to your girlfriend
Please, don’t do this. She’s my all in all, my one and only.
5. When you guys have prep together and you have to write coded notes to each other
Communication channel faster than NIPOST and DHL combined.
6. Fixing meetings in empty classrooms after school hours
Let us “hang out” in SS3D class, yeah the last classroom on the block.
7. Or when she tells you to stay back in class after prep
AYEEE!
8. When you have to tell your friends to watch the corridor
Please don’t let me down.
9. And you also have to be on the lookout
Have to be alert at all times, can’t go and slack.
10. When you get carried away and get caught by a teacher
Is this how I get suspended and drop out of school, and become a spare parts seller?
11. And you get paraded in front of the assembly
What an embarrassment. Ordinary kissing.
12. And you know that is the premature end of your lowkey relationship
After all I did to keep it secret. What is life.
Being single sometimes can be a blessing. Other times it can be tasking and we’re sure every single person has found themselves in one of these situations!
1. When you get asked “why are you single”?
Oh God not this question again!
2. And everybody is trying to hook you up with someone.
Did I ask you? Can I be left alone?
3. When your friends in relationships bring their problems to you.
So what is it again this time?
4. So you have to dish out advice to them.
See I may be single but this is the best advice you can get.
5. When a couple invites you to hang out and say there will be other people.
Let us see how this goes.
6. But you meet only couples there.
They said it will be fun. Can I go home please.
7. Finally finding someone you like.
Yes! Its about to go down
8. But they live on a whole different continent.
Why does this always happen to me? Why me?
9. Having a huge crush on a person.
We are about to get married and start our family.
10. But you find out they are in a two year old relationship.
This can’t be life.
11. So you decide to enjoy your single life.
I really cannot stress myself.
12. And you tell your parents you don’t care about marriage.
Are you being manipulated?
13. So you have to start the hunting process all over again hoping for the best.
This better work out for good!
Friend zone aka the “you will never be bae zone” should have a lot of warning signs for would-be occupants of the zone. See, we are the good guys and know just how painful it is to be cast into that zone.
So here are 12 signs that indicate that a girl has friend-zoned you completely.
1. When she tells you she isn’t ready for a relationship then goes on to date someone else two weeks later.
Smh!
2. If she says “God forbid” and makes this face whenever the topic of both of you being in a relationship comes up.
Yup! She is highly disgusted by the idea of dating you.
3. When you suddenly become her brother or any member of her family.
Sorry, bro!
4. Are you helping her pick dresses for dates with other guys?
As per chief stylist.
5. Or has she called you her “best bestie in the whole world”.
But….
6. When she replies “Awww” after you just sent her a 3-paged epistle on how beautiful she is.
Eh yaa!
7. When she starts tell you of a guy that she likes and that guy isn’t you.
So much evils.
8. Or she tells you she wishes to find a guy like you.
But still refuses to make you her bae.
9. When she tweets “I am single to stupor” and you guys have been talking for almost a year.
Very tragic!
10. And she feels really comfortable telling you all the gross things like how bloody her period feels like.
Dis tew much. Forreal.
11. When she starts asking you for relationship advice.
Because, you are Dr Phil and bestie rolled in one.
12. And when she refers to you as the guy she could have kids with if she happens to be unmarried at 40.
Why not now please?
We know you’re itching to know what your ex is doing right now. Don’t be shy, just take the quiz.
So you and your ex have been broken up for a while.
And after crying almost everyday for months.
Listening to all the heartbreak songs on your laptop.
Attending all the anointing services and prayer meetings.
Waiting in the hope that they would come to their senses.
Finding yourself being admitted into the hospital because they did not come back oh!
You are finally happy!
Your friends have even gassed you to make a move on your new crush.
But that didn’t work out too well.
Only for you to get one useless voicemail.. “Hey babe. I miss you”.
Me?
You remember the love and want that old thing back.
Then you remember the break up and how you suffered.
How your enemies were laughing at you.
So you delete & block their number.
Goodbye forever! Because..
NO. MORE. POOP. IN 2016.
Written by Zikoko Contributor, @jollz
We gave you 10 hilarious reasons to marry an oyinbo person but what about the pros of marrying a Nigerian?
Nigerians are some of the happiest people in the entire world. Even with all the daily challenges. What could be better than spending the rest of one’s life with one of the happiest people in the world. If you need more reasons we’ve got it covered.
1. Nigerians are beautiful
Every tribe or culture boasts of the most beautiful people you will ever see. Both men and women are beauties to behold. The beautiful kids that will come about. And will have you like “look at God!”.
2. You will always be well fed
Nigerians know quite well that the way to the heart is through the belly most times. We could be classified as the “stomach welfare” country as we cook good food, and eat good food. Guaranteed you will never be hungry.
3. Always ready for anything
Nigerians have a saying “there is nothing that is coming from above, the ground cannot take”. We live by this so you can be rest assured that a Nigerian spouse can handle any challenge. How do you think we have coped with unstable electricity all this while.
4. Prepare to be spoiled
It is standard, when you are in a relationship with a Nigerian it will feel like the time of your life. Gifts, outings, trips, money for hair, gifts for his birthday. See Nigerians are simply the best.
5. Nigerians are always respectful and well trained
This is one huge forte of our people. They always give respect when it is due, whether it is to parents, in-laws, slightly elderly people or even dead people. See how much we respect other humans around us.
6. Nigerians always have an education and ambition
Nigerians are one of the most educated sets of people in the world. And any Nigerian you will come across has a substantial level of education and either strive to get more or is really ambitious. You know we have to make that money to impress our spouses and friends.
7. Nigerian weddings are the best
Wedding ceremonies in Nigeria are one of the best events you will see. From the introduction to the engagement, to the wedding and the reception, it is always live! The food, music, decor, traditional attires, emcees and a lot more is always a bauty to behold.
8. Nigerians are hardworking
This fact can not be stressed enough. This country boasts of the most hardworking people. Marrying someone who is hardworking guarantees that your every need will be catered to whether you are the husband or the wife.
9. Nigerians are romantic
Every tribe in Nigeria has endearing words for their loved ones. When a Nigerian is wooing or praising his or her spouse, it is indeed one of the best things to hear. From “Iyawo mi”, to “Omalicha nwa” there are a ton of them.
Nigerians have really stepped up the game in this aspect. Be sure that you being proposed to will be a very interesting event in an interesting place with the best photographers. What a way to set the pace for a marriage. What other reason would you want to marry a Nigerian?
Getting married to someone from another race is a beautiful thing. Here are a few reasons why you should definitely get married to an “oyinbo” person.
1. Accent
Foreign accents sound so beautiful. Of course who does not want to have to hear a foreign accent every day and every evening when their partner is back from work or in bed.
2. Romance
We’ve heard that people from other parts of the world are more romantic partners. Well ladies you sure want those flowers and gifts. Guys, you also want those surprise PlayStation consoles and games. Go for it!
3. Adventure
Getting married to someone from a different country will give you an opportunity to explore another country as well as experience a culture different from yours. They say they love to explore new places.
4. True love
Most times when people get married from different backgrounds it is most likely real love for each other regardless of what anyone says. Chances are you guys will be together forever.
5. Fancy wedding
We cannot overemphasize this. It is not every time that an oyinbo and a Nigerian get married. Your wedding will be the talk of the town. It will cause traffic. For this sole reason you should be convinced.
6. Bellanaija/Instagram wedding accounts coverage
Your wedding is not on the famous Instagram accounts? You are doing something wrong. Definitely getting married to a foreign person will attract attention, just make sure your photographer is amazing.
7. Different currencies at the wedding
Aha. You thought we will skip this. No. For sure the wedding reception will be financially standard with different currencies being sprayed the guests. In this economic crunch period… Are you convinced yet?
8. People will use your wedding photos as “goals”
We sure do all want to be role models, being tagged as “goals” is like an advanced level of being a role model. People will use you as a prayer point. Come on!
9. Mixed children
Think about it, your kids will be mixed. And social media is obsessed with mixed babies. They can do a photo shoot when they are six months. Imagine the endorsement requests.
10. Dual citizenship
You see the way foreigners passport colors are set up. They sure are not green. Getting married will make you a citizen of whatever country they are from. This reason can stand up to any rebuttal. Make sure it is done for love. Any other reason makes it illegal.
Disclaimer: This post is written in jest of the social media obsession with the mixed race life. Don’t take this too seriously. Or use it as your guide in choosing your spouse ?
