We’ve all had that one ex that did us wrong. Broke our hearts and left it shattered in the street.
Whether your ex boy- or girlfriend cheated on you, dumped you, stole all your money and ran away with your best friend, you’ve probably thought about doing some or all of these things to them:
1. Whistle-blowing their ass to the EFCC.
The rationale behind this is simple: If you can no longer enjoy their money – especially if it was made illegally – at least this way you’ll still get 5 percent of it.
2. Setting their clothes on fire.
Okay, this is extreme, but you know you’ve thought about doing it. If you burn their clothes they will no longer have any fine thing to wear and can no longer be doing “notice me” up and down.
3. Ordering a bunch of things online with their debit card.
If you stayed long enough with your ex, you’d probably have their card information in your browser history. If you get caught, you can easily claim it was a mistake. And if you don’t, you’d have bought yourself out of the heartbreak.
4. Blackmail.
Another extreme, but it’s just a thought, isn’t it? Odds are you’d have some incriminating information on the ex. An embarrassing video, proof of some sinister or illegal act, or the good old “noods” that could just “leak” and ruin their career.
5. Hack their social media accounts.
If your ex is a social media cool kid, this one might actually set them off the edge more than the others. They’d most likely have logged into their account with your phone or laptop, so getting in might not be a problem. You could choose a plethora of options: From posting random things you know they wouldn’t, to outright deleting the account and watch them panic with glee. Yes, evil, but again, just a thought.
6. Troll their social media accounts.
Many a social media accounts have been set up for just this very purpose. Trolling an ex on social media is most likely the top thing you’ve thought about doing to an ex. The benefits are twofold; on the one hand, you get to keep tabs without risking your ex finding out you’re monitoring them online, and on the other hand, you get to make their online life miserable almost in the same way your real life was following the break up.
7. “Slightly” messing up their car.
If the break up was a really hard one, all that pent up anger might have made you consider getting physical and smashing up your exes’ property. Say for instance, their car. It could feel good to break something belonging to someone who did you so much wrong, but you would have to bolt out of there as fast as you can so you don’t get caught. The law might not exactly be on your side.
When an ex does you wrong, sometimes you just want to scream:
It can really pain.
However, please be advised that this is only a hypothetical list and not an endorsement to carry out any, some or all of these actions.
In the end, you just have to find a way to deal with your heart break, even if that means confronting your ex just like #hurtbae did. Remember her?
1. When he checks every criteria on your list:
2. And he isn’t in a relationship, engaged or married.
3. Five minutes later, you start planning your wedding.
Every detail is already in place. You know where it will be, what the food will be like, and how the music will sound.
4. How you look at him when he’s not looking:
Come here hot stuff. Let me lick your face.
5. You turn to a klutz when he’s around.
6. You start to sweat when he looks at you.
It’s like this air conditioner is not working.
7. You try to flirt with him, but only end up looking like this:
8. And he’s like:
Girl, you okay? Is there something wrong with your neck?
9. So you give yourself a pep talk every time you’re about to go see him:
Come on girl! Get your shit together! Don’t misbehave!
10. You trying to hide your feelings for him:
11. And you debate telling him how you feel about him:
12. Then you start to write in your diary.
“Dear Diary, today Tunde looked at me for five whole seconds without blinking. Five!”
13. And you tell your girls about him:
The girl squad!
14. Then your friends start to look at him like:
15. You when you finally decide to tell him how you feel:
16. You start to drop subtle hints:
17. How you laugh at all his jokes:
Even the not-so-funny ones.
18. You take extra care to listen to everything he says.
Hmm…very interesting.
19. Your stomach starts to hurt from all the butterflies in it.
20. Your chest starts to do “gbim gbim” when he’s around.
21. He’s on your mind all the time.
Like really really. Like, like like him. Not just like him.
22. And all you’re thinking is:
Tell me baby. why don’t you just love me?!!
23. You give every girl he talks to the stink eye.
I know he says you’re his sister, but are you really?
24. When he pays you a compliment, you go to bed like:
25. You when he finally asks you on a date:
26. And if this boy you like is on social media, then this story is for you:
1. Yes, I slept with your friend. But now you know she can’t be trusted.
You’re welcome o.
2. Okay, so I ate another womans food. At least now I appreciate yours more
Nawa o, I was only trying to help.
3. Wow, you didn’t know that when I was calling another woman baby, I was only trying to teach you to share
You can’t even share. So selfish
4. So I didn’t pick up your calls. Don’t you know absence makes the heart grow fonder
Duh, I’m doing this for us.
5. Maybe I said football is more important than you. But only because I’m trying to teach you not to trust anyone
Obviously na, it’s common sense na.
6. Yes o, if you cheat, i’ll leave you. Because cheating is wrong
Because cheating is wrong.
7. If I break up with you, i’m only teaching you to have strength
That’s the whole point. Now you’re a stronger person.
1. Everyday is no shave day
Nobody will kuku see it!
2. You can wear purple bra with pink panties and not give a single shit
Zero fucks given.
3. Weekends are spent with the actual love of your life: TV
No greater bae is needed.
4. How you flirt with all the boys because you belong to NO ONE!
I’m very free.
5. Valentine’s day is really just for showing yourself more love
But who can love me better than me?
6. You always have credit because no bae, no long calls
If no one calls you, Airtel will sha call you.
7. You can shout ‘MEN ARE SCUM’ with your chest
Scream it out loud without feeling guilty.
8. You’re free to wear your tear-tear pants
Nobody to judge you.
9. And to be honest, you only have to buy new bras like once a while
1. You, when you see fine boys
What’s up boy?
2. As you’re looking at the fine boy, another one passes by and you’re like
See fine fish!
3. You, talking to a fine stranger like you’ve known him since forever
Because that’s how you roll.
4. How you sprinkle ‘my dear’ and ‘sweetheart’ into every conversation you have
Everybody is a ‘dear’.
5. When you enter an office full of men, you’re like
You’re a fisherwoman in a sea filled with fishes.
6. When you buy a new see through top and you know how eyes will feast on you
Game about to be lit!
7. When people accuse you of being a flirt, you’re like
Don’t loud it, abeg.
8. When a guy looks ashy AF, but you still throw in a compliment because flirt
If you don’t do it, who will?
9. How your smile game is always 100% anytime you see boys
Come rain or harmattan, your own is just to be smiling upandan.
As we all know, some people can cheat for Africa.
And even if their significant other gives them the world, they’ll still chook their wandering eyes outside to cheat.
Then they’ll come back to tell you, “It’s in my DNA, I can’t help it”.
Even if you catch them in the act, they’ll be like, “Baby, she’s my cousin’s nephew’s relation and we’re practicing acrobatic yoga”.
This African American chic, Kourtney confronted her cheating ex, Leonard- who is basically the biggest demon we’ve ever seen- to ask why he cheated on her.
And he kuku didn’t give any solid reason- just every unfaithful person.
Kourtney, when Leonard said he cheated uncountable times.
This was his face, all through the time she shed so much tears.
Just watch the video and catch the full amebo abeg.
Meanwhile, some chief officers of ‘Men are scum’ Twitter are already protesting this injustice.
Look at how he tried to flip it on her. The maddest thing is you can see it in his eyes he's not sorry https://t.co/R8ZUaZfgII
The Vice-President of the movement believes men can’t make heaven.
Men really think they can keep doing this to women and continue getting away with it. There will be no men in Heaven. Mark my words. https://t.co/I90BLtDAaC
