relationships | Page 102 of 110

While we are sorry that the relationship ended and left you with a broken heart, we are also interested in seeing you move on and glow sis. If you can relate to the signs you are not over your ex yet on this list then you need to put more effort into moving on. You’re allowed to mourn the end of a relationship but you shouldn’t put your life and happiness on hold because of it girl.

1. You keep stalking him on social media.

If you’re still significantly contributing to the profile views on his social media accounts then there’s a problem. You my dear, are slowly becoming the stalker ex girlfriend the movies talk about. And you need to stop before the embarrassing plot twist comes. For your own good.

2. You keep engineering accidental run-ins with him.

And it keeps getting awkward. You need to stop bumping into him too girl. At this point he can probably already tell that it is no longer coincidence.

3. You are almost always texting him.

…or even outrightly texting him. Both of which are unhealthy choices if you really want to move on with your life.

4. You keep wanting other men to be like him.

Because you have made him the bar. But he is not be the bar. You determine what or who the bar is. You need to take control of the narrative.

5. Everything reminds you of him.

And not in a good way. But rather in that deep melancholic my-life-is-in-ruins without him kind of way.

6. You are always talking about him.

You keep talking about him to anyone who cares to listen. So much that even friends who don’t really know him can write a full essay on him complete with an accurate picture of his personality.

7. You have decided to maintain beef with his new girl.

Even when she didn’t do anything to instigate it. You keep beefing his new girl for no reason other than that she replaced you. But she is not the problem dear, she is living her best life. The problem is that you somehow think she stole the key to yours. But she didn’t.

While you are here would love some feedback on our “What She Said” series. Please be a darling and drop it HERE.
There’s a lot of mystery surrounding why women cheat in relationships. To help broaden humanity’s scope of knowledge we decided to conduct a study using the most logical tool of all time- by simple asking the subjects.

And here’s what 7 women told us about why they cheated.

Lilian, 23: “I wanted something different”.

I just wanted something different. I was already dating my current boyfriend for a while and but we slipped into a routine that was beginning to bore me. I just wanted a different kind of sex I guess, and attention.

Jennifer, 26: “I did it to get back at my boyfriend“.

I’m not proud of it. But I did it to get back at my boyfriend because he was cheating too. And the sex turned out to be so good I couldn’t stop.

Jasmine, 25: “I just wanted to”.

I just wanted to, probably me being adventurous. But it did not end in praise sha.

Ivie, 29: “I stopped investing in one person”.

I cheat all the time because I stopped investing all my emotions in one person. It always ends in heartbreak, so why not catch fun.

Ada, 26: “I wanted to be spoiled”.

I wanted to be spoiled. My boyfriend at the time knew nothing about making a women feel special. But I loved him because he was smart and ambitious. Although sometimes it felt like he was numb to my emotions. Then I met someone else who was willing to give me the baby girl treatment. Of course I was not going to deny myself the pleasure.

Ij, 22: “Distance was taking a toll on me”.

Distance was taking a toll on me so I just found myself doing it. But i stopped before it ruined my relationship. Besides, long distance relationships are too stressful. And it hits harder if the relationship did not start as one.

Hi there, we need your review of our What She Said column. Be a darling and drop it here please.
“Why are you single” seems to be the new million dollar question for busy bodies and lifestyle detectives in Nigeria. Because silly questions deserve equally silly answers we’ve coined 5 bomb responses you can easily reach for the next time anybody asks you.

Why are you single? – Because nobody is worthy.

Yasssss, there’s a geng named “too fab for commitment” and I hold chair lady position so go figure.

Jesus is the only man for me.

Jesus is the only man I need. And I hope you know he sacrificed his life for me so our bond is pretty tight.

I am actually waiting in line for your boo. So let me know when it’s over.

This is for the people in relationships who keep badgering you about your single status. This response will put an end to their badgering and most likely your friendship with them too. Which would probably be a good deal.

Oops, nobody told me it was against the law to be single.

People be acting like staying single is a known way to break the law. Well i’m single so sue me.

Why are you so obsessed with me? Don’t you have a life to live? What’s the obsession with mine about?

For the nosy people who have a trouble with minding their own business.

My soulmate is still stuck in traffic somewhere in the world. I was even planning on borrowing yours while i wait.

I actually ordered for a boyfriend but the package is still in quarantine. Which store did you get yours from?

Since silly questions are now the order of the day.

While you’re still here we need you feedback on our “What she said” pieces. We know you love them and we would love a review from you. Click here.
Granted, dating is the most complicated adult game invented. Yes, there’s chess and 3D chess but trust me when it comes to unnecessarily confounding technicalities, plot twists and plot turns dating easily takes the lead.

Owing to this fact naturally people would seek dating advice from supposed experts and rule books. We understand that, but we also need you to know that as you take in advice there are 4 sources you should not consider.

1. Romantic Novels

Romantic novels are for teenagers who want to get unsupervised insight into adult romance. Not adults who need guidance on building a relationship. When you become an adult you realize that they are a scam. Every male protagonist is the same man with a different name and hair color. And the female protagonists are all the same with different hair and eye colors. So predictable.

2. Nollywood Movies

The world is moving on and becoming more progressive but Nollywood is still consistently and diligently dishes out story lines steeped in archaic gender profiles. If you’re going to date in 2020, you need references from a source whose source is not the 1800’s.

3. Hollywood Movies

Hollywood might be more socially advanced, but they are too dramatic. Love at first sight, one soulmate per person and the relationship arch where they almost break up but one last dramatic gesture saves the day only belong in movies. Best believe; real life hits differently, taking dating advice from hollywood would be a recipe for disaster.

4. Zee World

Hollywood might be dramatic but you see Zeeworld? The dictionary won’t tell you but they are the reason the word “dramatic” was coined. The overstating of the obvious, the needless slow motion breaks and the ridiculous story lines should be enough of a warning.

While you are here we would like you to know what you think of our “What She Said Series“. Be nice and drop your review here.
PS: If you are here because you are about to dump somebody’s child and you need opening remarks please step aside. This is a well deserved pity party for those of us who have been hurt for the most unreasonable reasons. Here’s a list of the 9 most annoying break up lines.

1. “You deserve better”

Since when did you become so selfless? Are you trying to outdo Jesus? Is that it? You want to outdo Jesus?

2. “It’s not me, it’s you”.

But when did it become a competition? And even if it is a competition, when and how did you win?

3. “I need to focus on my work”

I have a job too and i am still in the relationship. And till date there’s no proof that I have 2 heads.

4. “I need space”

Give me the measurements. 10 millimeters? 20 centimeters? Talk to me.

5. “I don’t want to hold you back”

Mmm….But I never said you were a rope.

6. “You are like a sister to me”

But we have been doing things brothers and sisters don’t do.

7. “Lets just take a break”

Please clarify; do you mean lunch break, break dance or breaking bad?

8. “I love you so much it scares me”

Lies! Word on the street is that when people say this, the love they speak of is most likely non existent. But they can’t tell you that to your face so they say the opposite instead.

9. “My parents don’t approve”

But I thought the relationship was between me and you. Another question please; why didn’t you ask them before chyking me?

That’s 9 of the most annoying breakup lines and ironically they are also the most used. It’s like every year a secret convention is held for people that want to break up. And then these lines are released to them in a brochure. Has any of them been used on you and have you yourself used any on someone else? You can tell us, we won’t judge.

And when you’re done you can click here to find out if you are an annoying person too. You’re welcome.
Breakups are hard. They are even harder when they don’t end on your terms, leaving you teeming with dozens of unanswered questions. Weeks, months and years have passed since these 8 women went through their most painful breakups.

Even though they’ve mostly moved on, they still have unanswered questions that haunt them. And I tried to give them some answers.

How was I the problem?

He didn’t go the usual ‘it’s not you, it’s me route’. He said it was me, that I was the reason he was ending thing. But he never said what it was about me that led to the breakup. Just gave me a vague “There’s just something about you, I can’t place my finger on it, but I can’t deal anymore.” I’m in another very happy relationship now, but sometimes I think, “What about me was the problem?”
Seyi, 25

This one is easy. He was the problem.

What does overexposed mean?

We dated for a little over a year. He just woke up one morning and said that I was overexposed. He mentioned a couple of other things. Like how I wasn’t traditional enough and didn’t respect the age difference between us (3 years). My only regret is the whole year I wasted with him, but I still wonder what the hell overexposed really means.
Nneka, 27

It means he was looking for the kind of girlfriend that will call him sir and help him wear his socks in the morning.

You had wife abi?

He just ghosted. We had been dating for a couple of weeks. The next thing I knew, he had blocked my number. It was like film. I wasn’t even that emotionally invested, but it pained me ehn. It has been like a year, and I still haven’t heard from him. If I see him now, I’ll ask, “Oga you had wife abi?”
Seun, 24

He probably did.

Have you met your goals now?

He said he wanted to focus on himself and I was distracting him from achieving his true potential. I’ve gotten promoted twice since we broke up and I know he’s still at the same position at the same job. I just want to ask if he’s achieving the goals he wanted to achieve.
Halima, 28

Eish!

Why?

Just “Why?” We were good, or at least I thought we were good. So I was completely blindsided when he said he was unhappy. Maybe I was too self-absorbed to notice that he was unhappy, but I don’t think so. It still hurts. A lot.
Onyinyechi, 27

It gets better. It really does.

Why don’t you have sense?

And that’s for everyone I’ve ever dated. It’s like I’m cursed or something because I’ve only ever dated people who don’t have sense. I caught the last one cheating, and it didn’t even surprise me because he had been moving mad from the beginning of the relationship.
Adedoyin, 25

We all wish we knew the answer to this one sis.

How do you fall out of love?

He said he just didn’t love me anymore. Which was a little inconvenient because, well, I still loved him. I know people fall out of love, I’m not ten years old. But how?
Sonia,23

🙁

What exactly did you tell her?

My ex left me for my best friend. Cliche I know. But I had dated him for like two months, and I was best friends with her for seven years. I’m not even concerned with what his reasons were. I just want to know what exactly he could have told her to make her free a seven-year friendship.
Susan, 25

Lies, lies and more lies
For a lot of people, meeting the right person and settling down is the ultimate dream. But what happens when you meet someone who checks all your boxes but has one red flag (anyhow behaviour) you just can’t ignore? The 4 people I spoke to today know what that’s like.

Dennis, 27

“She was tribalistic. Not even the hilarious type of tribalistic where one says insane stuff like ‘Igbos eat people’. She was so prejudiced against other tribes that if we existed in 1940s Germany, I’m fucking sure she would’ve bought into Hitler’s propaganda against the Jews and signed up to torture people at Auschwitz. The straw that broke the camel’s back? I am Igbo and she’s Yoruba. So I’d do something wrong and instead of correcting me or something, she’d be like, ‘Typical Igbo people behaviour yen yen yen!’ Best decision I’ve ever made.”

Maryam, 24

“He was so jealous and possessive that it bordered on abusive. He wanted to know where I was at all times, who I was with and if they were members of the opposite sex, etc. What made me sure about ending things? The fact that I watched my dad do the same thing to my mum all throughout my childhood. While he never actually raised his hand to hit me, I knew, based on my mother’s experience, that it would eventually get there. I had to run.”

Nnamdi, 29

“She was wildly homophobic and would say very ugly things about my brother, who is gay. I’ve met homophobic people in my life but she was so bizarre. We would be watching a tv show featuring a gay character and apropos of nothing, she’d just go, ‘When we have kids, we can’t let that your gay brother near our kids oh. Before he infects them.’ I love my brother. After our parents died, he practically raised me. So I wasn’t going to allow some ignorant woman to destroy our relationship. I gave her the boot.”

Ronke, 34

“He used to mock me because of my age. He would say shit like ‘It’s because I pitied you and asked you out. I could’ve been with one hot 20-year-old now oh.’ This is insane because I was 33 and he was 37 at the time, which in itself, is a whole other red flag on its own. When I would complain that the things he said hurt my feelings, he would get angry and demand that I stop being dramatic because he was only ‘joking.’ When I couldn’t take it anymore, I told him to go find those hot 20-year-olds and I left.”

Before you leave, take this quiz to see how red your flag is.
Intentionally or not, the probability that your mere existence has ruined a few solid relationships is quite high. So, we created a quiz that can guess how much of a homewrecker you’ve been in your lifetime.

Take to find out
No matter how many boxes someone ticks, we all have one relationship dealbreaker that outweighs all their positive attributes. So, we created a quiz that knows exactly what yours is, and it could be anything from terrible sex to anger issues.

Take it to find out:
From all the congratulations we have had to say in recent times, it’s obvious that many of us are getting married soon. In anticipation of all the adulting in front of us, one of the major issues we are going to face is the issue of genotype. These conversations can be awkward, so we decided to take all that awkwardness out of the way for you.

We asked a couple of people how they would raise the conversation about genotype. Here are some of the responses:

Dodo says malaria is how he is going to ask…

“You must have malaria ooo. You will then add that I don’t know why I am having this malaria again but they said AC/AA/AS don’t always come down with malaria. This is like the third time this year and it has not happened before. The person will be forced to say their genotype in defense.”

“What if you are in an accident?” – Alex the Great

“Baby, do you have your blood group on your ID card? What if you are in an accident and you need a transfusion? Do you even know your genotype?“

Ayoola says he has to ask on the first date

“I have to ask on the first date so I know whether the relationship is going to be as invested as mutual funds or we are doing Detty December.”

Iyanu says he‘s here for a good time and not a long time

“I am AA, I don’t ask because let’s be honest, I don’t plan on building a future with you.”

Kay says that it can come up as a date idea

“What do you do for fun? Me, I enjoy long romantic walks to the lab to get tested.”

Chidera is coming out to ask you directly. Guns blazing. No holds barred

“There is no point sugarcoating it. I am just going to ask you plainly on the first interaction. You come up to me and say you like me, I respond with what’s your genotype?”

Which method do you prefer the most? Tell us why in the comment section.

1. You keep stalking him on social media.

2. You keep engineering accidental run-ins with him.

3. You are almost always texting him.

4. You keep wanting other men to be like him.

5. Everything reminds you of him.

6. You are always talking about him.

7. You have decided to maintain beef with his new girl.

Lilian, 23: “I wanted something different”.

Jennifer, 26: “I did it to get back at my boyfriend“.

Jasmine, 25: “I just wanted to”.

Ivie, 29: “I stopped investing in one person”.

Ada, 26: “I wanted to be spoiled”.

Ij, 22: “Distance was taking a toll on me”.

Why are you single? – Because nobody is worthy.

Jesus is the only man for me.

I am actually waiting in line for your boo. So let me know when it’s over.

Oops, nobody told me it was against the law to be single.

Why are you so obsessed with me? Don’t you have a life to live? What’s the obsession with mine about?

My soulmate is still stuck in traffic somewhere in the world. I was even planning on borrowing yours while i wait.

I actually ordered for a boyfriend but the package is still in quarantine. Which store did you get yours from?

1. Romantic Novels

2. Nollywood Movies

3. Hollywood Movies

4. Zee World

1. “You deserve better”

2. “It’s not me, it’s you”.

3. “I need to focus on my work”

4. “I need space”

5. “I don’t want to hold you back”

6. “You are like a sister to me”

7. “Lets just take a break”

8. “I love you so much it scares me”

9. “My parents don’t approve”

How was I the problem?

What does overexposed mean?

You had wife abi?

Have you met your goals now?

Why?

Why don’t you have sense?

How do you fall out of love?

What exactly did you tell her?

Dodo says malaria is how he is going to ask…

“What if you are in an accident?” – Alex the Great

Ayoola says he has to ask on the first date

Iyanu says he‘s here for a good time and not a long time

Kay says that it can come up as a date idea

Chidera is coming out to ask you directly. Guns blazing. No holds barred