It’s a question that gets asked a lot: What do you bring to the table? Well, this quiz knows the answer to that — in the context of relationships anyway. Find out if it’s your money, your emotional intelligence or nothing at all.
Go ahead:
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Finding love as an adult in Nigeria is no easy feat, so it comes as no surprise that these absolutely insane posters are the only things that feel adequate enough to capture the struggle.
1. When all your friends are in relationships, but you’re still single to stupor.
2. When you see someone finer than you flirting with your crush.
3. When your crush looks different in pictures than they do in real life.
4. When your friends see you trying to get back with your ex.
5. You, when you haven’t had sex in forever:
6. When you start falling for a Yoruba demon.
7. When your friend breaks up with their glucose guardian and you step in.
8. When your ex sends an “I miss you” text.
9. When that annoying man in church comes up to you like:
10. When your friend bad mouths the person you like and then goes and marries them.
11. When your babe traps your destiny with her cooking.
12. When your side piece is waiting for your main bae to mess up.
13. When you’ve been dating for years and still no ring.
14. You, after finding someone who isn’t completely terrible:
15. Your parents, when you finally get engaged:
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Does the idea of committing to someone excite you or completely terrify you? Well, this quiz knows precisely how commitment-phobic you are. Take it so you can warn anyone who might want to date you.
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11 Of The Most Popular Zikoko Quizzes Of All Time
Here are the best performing Zikoko quizzes ever. Take them.
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A few weeks ago, we created a quiz that accurately graded your sex life. Now, we want to see what grade your love life deserves. Have you had a lot of meaningful relationships (a coveted A) or have you been saddled with a bunch of shitty ones (a disappointing F)?
Take to find out:
Love Life: We Met On Twitter, But I Already Had A Boyfriend
*Kola, 28, and *Cynthia, 27, have been dating for almost six years now. Read their adorable story.
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Toxic relationships are one of the nightmares of adulting. They are bad for your health all around, but sometimes it’s not easy recognizing that you are actually in one. Because we are like your internet guardian angels, giving you all the guides you need to navigate this adulting thing we decided to make this list to help you put things in perspective. If the things on this list sound familiar then it is time to boot. Here are 10 signs of a toxic relationship;
1. You give way more than you receive.
You’re allowed to give in relationships. But if you’re the person doing the most, making all the compromising and going all the way, it’s actually not healthy. You deserve as much as you give.
2. There’s no trust.
And it’s not just you being paranoid and overreacting. You’ve seen enough red flags to have whatever trust you may have had fly right out the window.
3. There is Abuse.
Abuse is always a big red flag. Once it enters the equation you need to japaa. Asin, run. And run away from the relationship. It’s not just physical abuse, there’s also verbal and emotional abuse. Do not subject yourself to either one of them.
4. The relationship negatively affects your self worth.
Good relationships should make you feel good about yourself and make you feel valuable. If a relationship most often leaves you feeling worthless, that relationship is toxic.
5. There is No support from your significant other.
If you’re not supporting each other then what are you doing? Life is hard, that’s why God created relationships. So you can have someone to remind you to make lemonade when you keep getting served lemons.
6. There is constant Disrespect.
And we don’t mean the usual “big head”, “ode” talks. We’re talking actual disrespect, the kind of comments and insults that obviously come from a place of spite and leave you feeling genuinely insulted.
7. It’s a Judgment zone.
Relationships should be judgment-free zones. It should be the one place where you are accepted as you are. If you are constantly getting judged in yours then it is toxic.
8. The relationship makes you feel a certain way about yourself.
And this certain way is a bad certain way. Good relationships should make you feel good about yourself.
9. You keep having to lower your standards.
If with each level of the relationship you keep having to lower your standards to accommodate new lows then something ain’t right. You’re growing backward.
10. There’s always drama.
The only place drama belongs is telemundo, not your relationship dear. A toxic relationship always comes with a ton of needless drama, almost every conversation somehow degenerates into an avoidable fight because there is deep-seated resentment no one is confronting.
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Breakups are never a straight forward thing. It’s admitting to yourself that the forever you were talking about has expired in 3 months. Not an easy thing to do. Here’s a list of some of the most common types of Nigerian breakups.
1. The one where they break up with you.
A.k.a you got dumped. It’s usually painful and sometimes humiliating. Sometimes it’s entirely out of the blues, you drop a #couplegoals picture with a sweet caption on IG and then come on Whatsapp to see a paragraph detailing why the relationship is no longer working. Other times you see it coming and you’re like “Oh finally”.
2. The one where you break up with them
A.k.a you dumped them. It feels good sometimes but it also earns you the “wicked ex” title. You become the reason why somebody’s child no longer believes in true love and the inspiration behind the tweets they make going forward.
3. The one where you both just ghost each other.
With this breakup you just ghost the very existence out of each other. There’s no formal “it’s over” talk, no search for closure, just a mutual agreement to agree that the other person no longer exists.
4. The formal breakup.
This is the one where there is an actual breakup speech with closing remarks and sometimes a vote of thanks too. Sometimes it’s cordial other times Twitter hears about it complete with shocking details about each other’s private lives.
5. The informal breakup.
They one where they drop the message in the most belittling way. Or you just see them on a comment thread on twitter representing team single. Somebody whose number you saved with an emoji o. When you chat them up they hit you with a punchline from this list.
6. The breakup that spans over days.
This is the kind of breakup that spans over days because you are both still trying to talk over a lot of things. It’s a process. You both don’t really have closure yet so you keep meeting to talk about it and probably complicate the entire thing further.
7. The breakup where you both cuss each other out.
When you catch them cheating and you just lose your shit and cuss the hell out of them. And then you shout “It’s over” in case they didn’t get the drift.
So that’s 7 types of Nigerian breakups, which have you experienced?
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Does love conquer all? Even height differences? Well, the scientists and love gurus at Zikoko created this quiz to determine the height of your future spouse.
Take the quiz:
QUIZ: Are You Marriage Material?
0 or 100% marriage material? Take the quiz.
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What is your view on dating? Do you think you should date with the intention to marry or just go with the flow? Well, this quiz knows how many serious relationships you have left in you.
Take it below:
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Everyone knows someone who has been cheated on or someone who cheated. It’s almost the theme of many adult conversations. Let he who is without cheat or almost cheat cast a stone.
7 people shared how they found out that their partner was cheating on them.
Inside life.
I didn’t catch her. I just saw that someone else proposed to her and she said “yes.” I wan mad. The worst part was that my guys consoled me for only two days before they turned it to banter. Smh.
Mahn.
Her tab got spoilt so she gave it to me for repairs. I had to confirm that it was working after fixing it. So, I unlocked it to confirm. We had been dating for six years and we had a no “checking of phone” policy. I was curious so I went through her messages. The first thing I saw was “bring 4 condoms, I don’t want a repeat of the last time.” Bro, my heart cut. This is someone that said our relationship should be celibate. And for good six years, we only kissed. I felt taken on a ride.
What?
It was his birthday party and he told me to stay in the room. He said that his friends were checking me out too much and he didn’t like that. So, I had to stay out of sight. So, here I was in the room feeling flattered that I made my boyfriend jealous. That’s how some babe stormed into the room and started insulting me. Asking me to leave her boyfriend alone. That I am a husband snatcher. Gold digger. I was so confused.
It turns out that my “boyfriend” told her that I was a crazy stalker that wouldn’t leave him alone. And all his friends who I thought were my guys were in on the lie. Someone told her that I was at the party, so she came to tell me to leave her man alone.
After hearing that, I just packed my bag and left with the little dignity I had remaining. I cried from the party to my hostel.
Below the belt.
I beat my “guy” at FIFA and I was trolling him. Just light banter. That’s how he said that he is sleeping with my girlfriend and that’s the only win that really matters. I told him to take it back because I was ready to rush him.
Baba showed me sexts and I became calm immediately. Something actually died in me that day.
When I look back, he really won. I paid too much of a price for winning a stupid game.
Na wa oh.
She “mistakenly” sent me photos of them kissing. She now said, “oops, I guess the cat is out of the bag.” I blocked her life.
Tiki taka.
He told her I was his best friend. He told me she was his best friend. All of us worked in the same office and we even hung out together. We sha broke up because of religion. The babe and I still kept in touch because she’s really cool. We eventually became close friends.
One day, the babe texted me that she’s sorry blah blah, and started to confess. I was like huh? And she was like that she knew we were dating but still indulged him and whatnot. She said that since we had become good friends, it was only fair that she told me. Her conscience could not take it. I actually wished she had died of guilty conscience instead of telling me.
I called the boy to confront him and he said: “Did I catch him?” I was just weak.
Damn.
I was staying at his place for the weekend. I went to the store inside the compound to get provisions. I got talking with the shop owner. I told her I was spending the weekend with my boyfriend and she asked me to describe him. I did. She then blurted “Hmmm, the aunty wey him dey call him girlfriend yellow pass you.” I assured her that she was mistaken and thanked her.
A few weeks later, I surprised my boyfriend at home. Na so I jam Aunty yellow feeling all cozy on his legs. I felt so stupid. I just left quietly because surprise backfired on me.
The store owner kept giving me I told you so eye as I was leaving. Very annoying woman.
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Apparently there is a method to Nigerian relationships. We noticed it like we notice everything and we made a list to share this discovery with you.
Meet the 5 major stages of Nigerian relationships;
1. The honeymoon phase.
This is when you both just started dating and you still can’t get enough of each other. You talk all day and video call all night while still texting each other in between. You spend 2 hours apart and it’s all “I missed you” when you see again (*insert eye roll plix*). This is basically the time and part where you just annoy everybody.
2. The cute social media announcement.
Then comes the cute social media update. You finally found love and you must let your virtual friends and followers know because why? Because pepperdem! Plus in the guide to being a millennial a social media announcement is an important relationship level to unlock. Plus you also want to let your ex know you’ve moved on- pepperdem.
3. The first fight.
And then comes the first big fight. And sometimes an ex even makes a cameo appearance to make things more complicated. The opening statement is usually “Who is she?”. This is also usually when the first red flag comes up but the bliss of the honeymoon phase will not let you see road. If you look well enough (as you should be doing) you would see that this fight tells you a lot about your partner too. Like where are all these insults coming from? I thought you said I was perfect.
4. Then shit gets real.
At this point romance gives way to reality. Shit gets real and the reality of the heavy weight commitment that a relationship demands comes into play. For some people the weight becomes too much and they cave in to it. Thus bringing an abrupt end to the forever they promised each other.
5. The comes the Bloom.
This is when the relationship survives all the initial gragra and grows into something you are both now comfortable and happy with. When it becomes less about the sex and more about the time you spend with each other. And even more importantly- you both now know each other. This is where the real relationship starts.
Do you think we skipped a stage? Drop it in the comment section.
Meanwhile, if you want to know why you are still single this ingenious quiz will tell you why. You’re welcome.
