Create your perfect partner — from their height to their occupation — and we’ll let you know how picky you are. Do you have modest standards or are you reaching for the stars?
Take to find out:
11 Quizzes That Know You Better Than You Know Yourself
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How many talking stages do you have left in you? Take this quiz to find out:
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Let’s forget about the kind of partner you want for a minute and focus on the kind you need. Thankfully, this quiz has the answer. Should you be with someone spontaneous or someone patient?
Take to find out:
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How big is your heart? Do you have enough love for multiple people or are you only built for one partner at a time? Well, this quiz will figure that out and tell you what kind of relationship works for you. Is it monogamy, polyamory or something else?
Take to find out:
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If the Nigerian you’re interested in dating does up to 7 of the things on this list, bounce them. If you’re already dating them, then you need to immediately block them everywhere, change your identity and leave the country.
1. They turn old stew into jollof rice.
These ones never let things go. You’ll be having the exact same argument for 3 years straight.
2. They eat jollof rice with stew.
These ones are never content. They will cheat on you within the first week of your relationship.
3. They sacrifice the first layer when peeling onions.
These ones are impatient. They will break up with you if you breathe too loudly.
4. They tear pure water bags from the middle.
These ones are sociopaths. They might just kill you in your sleep.
5. They mix 3 or more different soups together.
These people will never be satisfied with just you. Prepare to share them with your entire estate.
6. They don’t wash their hand properly after peeling yam.
These ones are just dirty. They will give you a few STIs within a month.
7. They eat the first and last slices of bread.
These ones don’t have standards. They will cheat on you with someone much uglier, and we all know that’s the one that pains the most.
8. They start eating the dodo before they’re done frying the rest.
These ones don’t have self-control. Don’t be surprised if they end up sleeping with most of your family members.
9. They re-heat cold noodles.
These ones are cultists. Stay way from them.
10. They eat their meat first.
These ones are chaotic. They will scatter every single aspect of your life.
11. They choose salty popcorn at the cinema.
These ones are just wicked. That’s the only explanation. Do you want to be with someone that has a black heart?
12. They boil their egg and Indomie in the same pot.
These ones are greedy. If you even smell a gift throughout your relationship, it will be by accident.
13. They like semo.
These ones simply have terrible taste. They are not to be trusted.
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Students in Nigerian universities have stories to tell, but hardly anyone to tell them to. For our new weekly series, Aluta and Chill, we are putting the spotlight on these students and their various campus experiences.
A lot of things in life are fleeting. I might be wrong, but quite a number of relationships that happen in University don’t stand the test of time.
The subjects of this week’s story are students at University of Lagos, and they share their most memorable breakup stories.
Monica — He was in a relationship with 7 other people
I was in a relationship with this smooth talker sometime ago. I was convinced that we had a future together. He asked me to be his girlfriend with a poem. I don’t remember the full content, but it included something about how I was the one for him. Also, there was a line about how he loved me so much because his mother and I share a name.
However, a girl always called him every time he was with me. Of course, he downplayed it and claimed that the girl was obsessed with him. He was very open about our relationship, so I didn’t think I had anything to worry about.
My instincts, on the other hand, were on overdrive. The urge to get the girl’s number got too hard to ignore and I swiped it off his phone.
One day, I got really anxious and texted the girl. I asked her if he knew the man I was in a relationship with and she confirmed that she knew him — my boyfriend was also her boyfriend.It was a big revelation, even though I took it as calmly as I could. I explained the situation to the girl. For some reason, she didn’t believe me. When I sent her all the receipts and pictures, she still didn’t think they meant anything.
I decided that we were over that night. I went to sleep with a testy eye and a heavy heart, with no clue how to get over him. The following morning brought more unnerving revelation. I woke up the next morning to see 6 different ladies calling him out on Twitter.
Apparently, he wrote the same poem for all of us and gave us the same corny story about us being namesakes with his mother.
Michael — We couldn’t make a long-distance relationship work
I was in 100 level when I started dating this girl. She was in her second year at the time. A little over a year after we started dating, she left the country to study, and she was going to spend 5 months there.
We probably should have ended it there, but we didn’t. We decided to give a long-distance relationship a shot, and it worked for 3 months or thereabout. After that, things started to go downhill. We couldn’t pinpoint what was wrong exactly, but it was clear that things weren’t the same anymore.
Luckily, she got back not long after. That was a lifeline. We talked things out and sorted everything we thought was wrong. We were still going — even stronger — and life was good.
Unfortunately, I had to travel out of the country too — I would be there for two years.
After I left the country, I realised that I needed to be free from the relationship. I was in a new country and discovering new things as I went, so I guess that I grew out of the relationship. We tried to keep it going for as long as we could, but it was only a matter of time. Eventually, we called it quits. On some level, I think I was relieved. The fate of the relationship was sealed the moment I left the country.
Tonton — I didn’t think he took us seriously
I started going out with this guy when I was in 100 level. We hung out a lot despite that we were in different faculties. Our favourite was to do was to go to the movies. It was my first relationship — there wasn’t any previous experience to compare it with, but I thought it was good.
My problem was his unwillingness to go to the extra mile for me. He was aloof for the most part. I was very big on celebrating important events like birthdays and Valentine’s Day, but he couldn’t care less about them. Also, he didn’t tell anyone that we were in a relationship. However, I didn’t turn any of this into a big deal.
And it probably wouldn’t be a big deal if he didn’t start to drift away from me. At this point, school had started to get hectic for me, yet I made sure to check in on him at every chance I got.
Things got to a head when one of my closest male friends saw him in the company of some girls and narrated what he saw to me. The way he put it, my supposed boyfriend was flirting with other girls.
This heightened my distrust for him. It didn’t help that we were barely talking to each other at the time. After a while, I realised that I couldn’t keep up with it anymore.
Surprisingly, he didn’t take it well when I told him I wanted to break up with him. The news riled him up. To be fair, he wanted us to give it another go. I was done, and that was all that mattered. It was my first relationship and it was great for a while, but I knew that it was time to keep it moving.
Tosin — I couldn’t get past his weird obsession
When I got to university, I was reunited with this guy I knew from secondary school. We were friends, so when our paths crossed again, we decided to be more than that. It didn’t take long for me to become deeply attached to him.
There were a lot of night walks to all the cool spots on campus. It was clear that we enjoyed each other’s company.
I’m not sure of the exact moment when this happened, but I realised that suddenly, I wasn’t crazy about the kind of guy he was. For starters, he was always posting a shitload of sexual content on his WhatsApp status. I’m not a prude, but the frequency with which he did this bothered me.
It triggered my trust issues and I found myself wondering what he was up to when I wasn’t there. When it became too much for me, I talked to him about it, hoping that he would appreciate that I was open with him and maybe get a grip on his obsession with nudity.
I got it all wrong. He got defensive about it. I would have let it go if he didn’t tell me that he wouldn’t mind blocking me if I wasn’t cool with his posts.
From that moment, I lost a lot of interest in him and the relationship. However, I decided to keep up appearances. Besides, I lived for our evening walks. Unfortunately, our walks couldn’t save the relationship. When it became clear that he didn’t really care about how I felt, I knew I had to kick him to the curb.
I took the easy way out, though. I started to withdraw from him. It became easy to forget that he existed. Whenever he wanted us to hang out, I would give some silly excuse to make sure it didn’t happen. Eventually, we drifted apart to a point where neither of us could claim to be in a relationship with the other, and we haven’t looked back since.
Can’t get enough Aluta and Chill? Check back every Thursday at 9 AM for a new episode. Find other stories in the series here.
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After letting you know exactly how romantic you are, we are back to tell you the KIND of romantic you are. Are you a hopeless one, a logical one or just simply romantic? Well, we have the answer.
Take to find out:
11 Quizzes For The Lovers Among Us
Are you a romantic at heart? Take these quizzes.
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Cheating doesn’t always have to feel like a big betrayal. If you follow this simple guide, we promise you that all the partners you cheat on will appreciate your tact and consideration.
So, here are 11 ways to cheat respectfully.
1. You can cheat, but you must never get caught.
This is the most respectful thing to do. Cheat oh, but hide it well.
2. You can sleep with someone else, but never take off all your clothes.
The less of your body the person can see, the less serious the cheating is.
3. You can sleep with someone else, but make sure the lights are off.
Same logic applies here. If you didn’t see it, did the cheating really happen?
4. You can sleep with their friends, but never their best friend.
All their other friends are fair game, but the best friend is off limits.
5. You can sleep with a relative, but never their sibling or parent.
Cousins, uncles and aunties are allowed, but you have to draw the line somewhere.
6. You can sleep with other people, but only one round at a time.
Multiple rounds make the cheating too intimate. One round is acceptable.
7. You can cheat without a condom, but make sure pulling out occurs.
Respect your partner enough to pull out/not get nutted in.
8. You can cheat with their co-worker, but never their boss.
Respect them enough to not scatter their career.
9. You can cheat anywhere, but never on the bed you share.
The floor is fine. The kitchen is fine. The bathroom is fine. Just free the bed.
10. You can cheat with an ex because it’s not adding to your body count.
This doesn’t even really count as cheating.
11. You can cheat, but you must always feel guilty.
Feeling bad about cheating is the ultimate form of respect.
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Have you ever wondered what kind of relationship you deserve? Well this quiz has the answer and more.
Take it below:
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Figuring out your love life — whether it’s dating or potentially tying the knot — is not an easy feat, but Zikoko is always here to help. So, we’ve graciously gathered 11 of our most popular relationship quizzes to help you sort it all out.
1. How Romantic Are You?
Wanna know whether you have a single romantic bone in your body? Take the quiz.
2. What’s Your Love Language?
Words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time or physical touch? Take the quiz.
3. How Dateable Are You?
Are you a nightmare to date or not? Take the quiz.
4. What Grade Does Your Love Life Deserve?
Have you had a lot of meaningful relationships (a coveted A) or have you been saddled with a bunch of shitty ones (a disappointing F)? Take the quiz.
5. What Kind Of Partner Are You Drawn To?
Are you drawn to nerdy people, funny people, caring people or toxic people? Take the quiz.
6. Are You Marriage Material?
Are you ready to get married? If you think the answer is “yes”, the next question is: Will you make a good spouse? Take the quiz.
7. Can We Guess When You’ll Marry?
We are going to attempt to guess when you’ll marry based on your favourite Nigerian foods. Take the quiz.
8. Which Major Nigerian Tribe Will You Marry From?
Will your future spouse be Yoruba, Igbo or Hausa? Well, we know the answer. Take the quiz.
9. How Old Is Your Soulmate?
Is your soulmate younger than you, older than you or the same age as you? Take the quiz.
10. What Kind Of People Do You Attract?
Good-looking people, unavailable people or rich people? We know the kind of people you attract? Take the quiz.
11. What Kind Of Spouse Will You Be?
Romantic, unfaithful, reliable, detached or supportive? We know the kind of spouse you’ll be. Take the quiz.