• Before Nigeria even existed, a prophecy foretold that the women of this nation wouldn’t know how to flirt. Unfortunately, it came to pass, and Nigerian women started doing some ridiculous things they call flirting. We need to have a discussion so Nigerian women can answer for their crimes. 

    Staring is not it 

    If you like, stare at them for three business days, it won’t make them know you like them. If anything, you come off as a weird person, and they’d want nothing to do with you. Try striking up a conversation. You won’t die. Don’t be looking at them like you’re trying to see into their future. 

    No, they can’t read your mind 

    You can’t expect them to know you find them attractive. Humans aren’t born with the ability to read minds. If you can’t open your mouth and them they look beautiful, rest.

    Calling them “big head” isn’t enough

    When flirting with someone, calling them names is juvenile. You’re not a child, you’re an adult who can articulate your feelings. Yet, you’ll be wondering why they friendzone you. Babe, you’re coming with the energy of a friend, why won’t they treat you as such? 

    RELATED: The Passive-Aggressive Ways Nigerian Women Show They’re Annoyed

    “Sir” doesn’t work either 

    For the women who flirt with men by calling them “sir”, why? How deep are your daddy issues? You don’t even call the person who pays your salary “sir”, so why this? 

    “Let your girlfriend not come and beat me o” 

    Aunty, ask if they have a girlfriend first. If you’re scared of someone coming to you as a woman, declare your interest and wait for what they have to say. 

    RELATED: Nigerian Women Should Stop Apologising for These 9 Ridiculous Things

    Constantly saying “fine boy like you” 

    If he’s a fine boy, he’s a fine boy. Stop trying to sneak in compliments. “Fine boy like you, how can you say…” Even secondary school children are more direct than this. Pay the compliment if you want to. 

    Liking multiple pictures 

    Everyone likes pictures. Just because you’re liking multiple pictures doesn’t mean anything. Try sending them a DM instead. That’s how things work. 

    RELATED: How to Identify a Woman That’s Just Come Out of a Relationship

  • It is 2022 and Nigerian women are still struggling to get a stable place in politics. And no, politicians (mostly male) using female traders and rural women to advance their careers is not the same as women having a real say in the matter. 

    There have been conferences, jabs, talks, and more talks thrown in the way of Nigerian women calling on them to rub shoulders with the men in the political space. But everyone seems to forget that it takes more than talking and that real work has to be done. 

    On November 9, 2022, The deputy chief whip of the House of Representatives (aka Honourable Member of the Feminist Battalion), Nkeiruka Onyejeocha, reminded us about the rejected affirmative action bill. 

    The bill simply asked that the Nigerian government makes it compulsory for 35 percent of women to be involved in all governance processes. Easy stuff but it got thrown away. 

    It is a breath of fresh air that people like Onyejeocha, who said that women’s participation should always be a priority, are in government. However, this was not enough to save the bill.

    Let’s look at what the bill means for Nigerian women. 

    How does the bill help Nigerian women? 

    The bill, which was championed by Onyejeocha, was meant to increase women’s participation in politics and general government processes, offering them higher chances of getting into government.

    Women should care about the implementation of affirmative action for two simple reasons:

    The political numbers for women are sad to look at

    Out of all the candidates campaigning in the 2023 elections, only 8.36 percent of them are women. After the 2019 legislative elections, it was also observed that only 8 women out of 109 members were elected to the House of Senate, and 13 women out of 360 members made it to the House of Representatives.  

    In the two houses, fall way below the global 26.1 percent cut-off mark for global recognition of women in parliament. These numbers don’t lie. 

    NASS has a history of rejecting bills for women

    The 35 percent affirmative action bill isn’t the only one that has been rejected.

    When senator, Biodun Olujimi, presented the Gender and Equal Opportunities bill in December 2021,  male lawmakers began to pick holes in the bill. It was eventually stepped down.

    That was the third time Ms. Olujimi brought the bill to the Senate for consideration.

    She first introduced the bill in March 2016. The bill clearly sought to give women the following:

    • Equal opportunities in employment.
    • Equal rights to inheritance for both genders.
    • Equal rights for women in marriage and divorce
    • Equal access to education, property/land ownership, and inheritance.

    The bill was rejected by male lawmakers. They argued that the Nigerian Constitution was clear on the rights of citizens, including women.  Olujimi reworked the bill and represented it to the Senate. This time, it scaled second reading and was referred to the Senate committee on Judiciary, Human Rights and Legal Matters. However, no public hearing was held.

    In November 2019, the bill was reintroduced and during the second reading last December, two senators – Aliyu Wamakko and Yusuf Yusuf – argued that the word “equality” was against the socio-cultural practice of Islam.

    Women around the world are killing it politically

    Kenya and Rwanda are good examples of African countries where gender equality is practiced, especially in politics and governance.

    In Kenya, the number of women in parliament sums up to 21.8 percent. Seven female governors were also sworn into power in August 2022.

    Rwanda Chamber of Deputies became the first elected national parliament where women were the majority in 2008. The percentage of women in parliament stood at 61.25% in 2021. This is way above the current global average of 26.4%. 

    Rwanda has been at the top of the International Organization of Parliaments (IPU)’s monthly ranking of

    women in the national parliament for years.

    Dear Nigeria, remove shame and beat Rwanda. If there was ever a time to care about female participation in politics, there is no better time than now. 

  • Nigerian women apologise for various ridiculous reasons, and we’re tired of it. These nine things are particularly more ridiculous than most, so don’t apologise for them. Everyone will be fine. 

    Taking up space 

    No matter what capacity you’ve chosen to take up space in, do it with your full chest. 

    Giving instructions 

    You’re someone’s oga. Why are you apologising for telling people to do their job? Do your bosses apologise when they tell you to work? No? Exactly. 

    Not having makeup on 

    You were not born with highlight on your nose and blush on your cheeks. There’s no reason why you should be apologising for walking around with the face you were born with. If people have a problem with it, they should remove their eyes. 

    RELATED: Pros and Cons to Consider Before You Get Eyelash Extensions

    Resting because of cramps

    Your period will come whenever and however it wants, without regard for your plans. It inconveniences your the most, so why apologise because you need to rest because of the pain? You weren’t created to withstand pain. Rest and don’t feel bad about it. 

    Having unlaid edges 

    If edges needed to be laid 24/7, we’d have been born that way. Why should you apologise for the hair that grows out of your head? 

    Not wanting to start a family 

    It’s alright to live a life alone. If that’s what makes you happy, why should you apologise for it? It’s not like the people hounding you to get married and have children will pay for any of it or deal with the stress for you. They should get out.

    RELATED: 7 Questions Nigerian Women Absolutely LOVE to Be Asked

    Asking for better 

    Be it in relationships or work, if you deserve better, don’t feel bad for asking for it. You know your worth, so you shouldn’t apologise for asking that other people see it too. 

    Choosing yourself 

    Your happiness is more important than whatever people expect of you. If they don’t like the life you’re living, they should leave you alone. You do not owe people a life that causes you discomfort and unhappiness. 

    Not knowing how to cook 

    Just because you’re a woman doesn’t mean you were born with a spatula. Everyone should rest. 

    RELATED: The Passive-Aggressive Ways Nigerian Women Show They’re Annoyed

  • Generally, people react differently to breakups. But I’ve noticed that a woman who’s just come out of a relationship does at least five of these. 

    She starts going to the gym 

    I can’t even lie, me sef I’ve done this one. There’s a way the heartbreak will hit you, you’ll enter gym. A Woman who’s just collected breakfast might register at a gym to be ten times hotter than before, so that their ex will regret and be jealous. Either that, or she’s looking for somewhere to pour all her anger and pain. 

    She changes something about her appearance 

    She’ll want a different look to remind herself that she’s a new woman in a new phase and old things have passed away. So she’ll die her hair vomit-green or another wild colour. She’ll even wear more risque outfits and become more adventurous with her fashion sense. 

    She’s posting fire thirst traps 

    Someone who used to post pictures once in three months will suddenly start posting back-to-back fire pictures on her social media accounts with captions like “it’s unfortunate you couldn’t keep me” or “no other like me”. 

    She wears less and goes out more 

    Every weekend she’s “outsideeee” with her friends, having the time of her life. Her Snapchat is filled with videos of her going out for brunch or dancing and taking shots at the club. 

    She starts listening to inspirational podcasts 

    She’ll finally open the podcast app that she’s been postponing for two years. Then she’ll start listening to the inspirational ones that tell her how she doesn’t need to be in a relationship to be happy (which is true, but it seems she didn’t know it before). She’ll go ahead and post snippets of her favourite healing podcasts on her Instagram story so that people know she’s now a new woman who is single and happy. 

    ALSO READ: How to Get a Nigerian Woman to Eat

    She gets into a new hobby 

    If it’s not yoga, she’ll join a dance class. She may even start journalling, get into pottery, or become a plant mom just to pour out all the love she has to give, since men don’t deserve it. 

    ALSO READ: 9 Reasons A Nigerian Woman Will Breakup With You

    She pours all her energy into her career 

    She no longer has time for love because that only brings stress and heartbreak. Now her only focus is on becoming rich and powerful. Lovers will break your heart, but your career won’t. 

    She becomes religious 

    Since her relationship on earth didn’t work out, she’ll start working on the Heavenly one. I’ve been there. A few years ago, an ex broke up with me and I became an usher in church. Fun times. 

    She starts tweeting a lot 

    Her Twitter timeline will be filled with tweets about self-love and self-care. She’ll tweet about how nothing is better than being single, rich and happy.  

    ALSO READ: 20 Things That’ll Take All Your Money as a Nigerian Woman

  • You know your babe has been making arrangements to go to her village for the festive season, but here are some signs to know that she’ll be coming back with a husband. 

    She’s Igbo

    We’re sorry to break it to you, but your Igbo girlfriend telling you she’s going “home” for Christmas might as well be your invitation to her wedding. 

    She’s engaging more with wedding content online

    You’ve noticed that she’s liking and retweeting more threads about marriage on Twitter, she can’t go a day without reposting cute wedding videos on her IG and WhatsApp, and you still haven’t figured it out? She’s obviously jotting down taking tips for when she’s ready, which is going to be two months from now.

    She’s spending more time with you 

    With all the traffic and stress in Nigeria, she insists on spending most of her time with you. Ah! My brother, she’s trying to get the most of the little time you have left before she weds her real husband-to-be.

    She’s not spending time with you 

    Whenever you suggest you spend a weekend together now, she always says she’s busy. Yes, she’s definitely busy trying to forget you and move on with her life.

    She doesn’t get upset easily 

    Nigerian women don’t like peace. So when you start going two days without any fight, there’s something wrong. Our advice? Start mentally moving on because your relationship is nearing its end.

    She gets upset easily

    Any small thing you do, she picks offence. You’re now having a minimum of at least three fights a day? Can’t you see that she’s fed up with all your shit and already has plans to marry someone else?

    You’ve been dating for more than two years

    Two years is enough time to know if you will spend the rest of your life with a Nigerian woman. And if you’ve not started planning to see her people, what’s the point? She’s made up her mind to find someone that’s serious.

    All her close friends are married

    She’s getting invites to weddings every other week, and you haven’t thought to ask her how she feels about getting married? Your breakfast is going to be served buffet-style.

    READ NEXT: 6 Nigerian Women Share The Best Thing About Being Married 

  • A Nigerian woman would rather refuse to eat pasta than tell you she’s annoyed at something you’ve done. But if she shows any of these passive-aggressive signs, then you need to start thinking of how to appease her.

    She’ll air your messages 

    She’ll see your messages come in and choose to swipe them away because you’re saying nonsense . If she’s very upset, she’ll open the message, close it back and leave you on “read”, so you’ll know she’s ignoring you. If she archives your messages, that’s even worse. You may have to involve the gods to get her to forgive you. 

    Give you one-word replies 

    Ask her how work was, and she’ll say, “Good.” — This is someone who usually gives you the full gist of the day about how Amaka ate her oga’s lunch by mistake. If she now puts full-stop in the message? You’re in soup.

    Post her finest pictures 

    She’s not talking to you but wants you to talk to her. That’s when she’ll begin to post her finest pictures on all social media platforms to make you thirsty and slide in her DMs. That way, she can properly ignore you. 

    ALSO READ: 20 Things That’ll Take All Your Money as a Nigerian Woman

    She’ll tell you she isn’t hungry 

    You ask her, “What do you want to eat?” She says, “Nothing, I’m not hungry.” Ah you’ve entered serious wahala o. The only time a woman says no to food is when it has spoilt or she suspects poison. I don’t know how you want to get out of this one. 

    She does nothing 

    You know you’ve done something wrong. She knows you’ve done something wrong. Yet she’s acting like nothing happened. Just carry your load and run because she’s consulting with the WhatsApp group on the best way to deal with you. 

    She puts a full stop after every word

    All of a sudden, she remembers grammar and punctuation. Any small thing, “I don’t know.” “Okay.” “Tired.” 

    She turns her body away from you 

    Whether in bed, in a car, on a couch etc. The moment she turns her body 90 degrees away from you, she’s showing you she’s visibly upset and wants you to tell her sorry. 

    ALSO READ: 7 Things Nigerian Women Are Angry About

    Throws shade at you on social media

    You’ll start seeing tweets like “Nobody is ever too busy for you. If they cared, they’d find the time.” Better carry your phone and call her. That tweet is for you. 

    She’ll hiss as if something is stuck in their teeth

    You’ll hear her kissing her teeth every five minutes — and she may add a disgusted look at you for extra effect. That’s how you know you fucked up. 

    ALSO READ: Every Nigerian Mother Makes These 10 Annoying Passive Aggressive Statements

  • Earlier this year, a report by the Gender Strategy Advancement International (GSAI) noted that the participation of Nigerian women in politics falls below global standards. The national average is 6.7% which is low compared to the 23.4% African average and 22.5% global average.

    With just about four months left till the general elections in 2023, we look at some of the numbers that define the role that women can play in the elections and what they mean for their representation in Nigerian politics.

    1 — the number of women running for president in 2023

    She may not be as popular as her male counterparts, but Princess Chichi Ojei of the Allied Peoples Movement (APM) also wants to take over from Buhari next year. She’s the only woman out of the 18 candidates on the ballot for the 2023 presidential election. Twale for you jare.

    What the Numbers Say About Nigerian Women and the 2023 Elections

    25 — women running for governorship positions

    The 25 female candidates contesting in governorship elections across Nigeria fall just short of 6% of the total number of 419 candidates on the ballots. It’s even worse when you consider that a court recently disqualified the only female candidate running with a major party. We see you looking at that 419 with suspicion and we are too.

    What the Numbers Say About Nigerian Women and the 2023 Elections

    ALSO READ: How Politicians Use Nigerian Women Without Rewarding Them

    92 — women running for Senate seats

    That’s 92 women out of 1,101 candidates in total — representing a paltry 8%. We still have a long way to go to have gender inclusive politics at the national level.

    What the Numbers Say About Nigerian Women and the 2023 Elections

    286 — women running for seats in the House of Representatives

    Only 286 out of a total of 3,107 candidates running for seats in the House of Representatives are women. This is the kind of gender imbalance that allows the male-dominated House reject bills to give Nigerian women more rights.

    1,046 — the total number of women contesting for political offices in 2023

    Out of the total number of 10,225 candidates running for political offices in 2023, only 1,046 are female — just over 10%. Real ojoro, for a country where more than 100 million people are female. So uncool.

    What the Numbers Say About Nigerian Women and the 2023 Elections

    6,224,866 —  the number of newly registered female voters

    Of the 12.2 million newly-registered voters ahead of the 2023 elections, 6,224,866 are women. They won this category hands down and are ready to demand more at the polls.

    ALSO READ: One of These 18 Candidates Is Nigeria’s Next President

  • When it comes to starting a conversation with a Nigerian woman, there are some questions they’re asked so many times, they just want people to keep asking them. So, ask, but whatever you see afterwards is the repercussion of your actions. 

    When will you get married?

    Because marriage is all a woman thinks about, asking this question will cause her so much joy, her hands might just connect with your face in celebration. 

    Should you be eating that?

    You want to quiz the owner of the body about what she puts in it? She might eat you just to prove a point that she can eat whatever she wants. 

    Whose pussy is this?

    Definitely not yours, but ask anyways. Maybe you need to be humbled. 

    RELATED: 9 Important Questions for Nigerian Women That Men Desperately Need Answers to Ask

    Why are you wearing that?

    There’s nothing a woman loves more than when she puts so much time and energy into her appearance just for a man to ask her this question. It’ll elicit so much emotion from her, she might stone you with her shoe as a show of care. Don’t forget to duck! 

    What would your man think?

    It’s very important for a woman to know that whatever she’s doing is for the approval of the man in her life. So, whenever you see a woman living her life unapologetically, don’t forget to ask her what her man would think of it. She just might kill you. 

    RELATED: Nigerian Women Answer the Most Googled Questions About Relationships

    How much is in your savings? 

    Women adore being pocket-watched, especially while doing retail therapy. It’s the sexiest thing ever. In fact, if you’re asking a woman how much she’s saved, don’t forget to tell her how much you’ve saved too. Just in case she feels like robbing you. 

    Don’t you think you have too many wigs?

    Yes, because women love being told they can’t have more of something they really like. Ask the question, and she just might use whatever hair is left on your head for her next wig. 

    RELATED: 8 Nigerian Women on Things They Wish They Could Ask Their Ex

  • Women tend to go to the bathroom in groups, but the main question is why? The girls who get it obviously get it, but if you’re reading this, you probably don’t. Don’t worry, we have your back. Here are the eight reasons why women go to the bathroom in groups. 

    Come up with weird questions to ask their partners 

    Where do people think all the “Will you love me if I turned into Olumo rock?” questions come from? Women gather in bathrooms to figure out new ways to stress the people they’re dating. 

    Radicalise themselves against ironing 

    Starting  a movement happens in places you least expect, and that’s why women follow each other to the bathrooms. They remind themselves that although their clothes are rumpled, they’re beautiful. 

    Plan a girls’ trip that won’t leave the bathroom 

    As women gather together in the bathroom, they remind themselves how much they enjoy spending time with each other, and then, they plan a girls’ trip. Unfortunately, it never leaves the bathroom. It might extend to a group chat, but it ends there. 

    RELATED: How to Plan a Girls’ Trip and Actually Go For it

    Gather receipts to win their next argument

    According to the Zikoko Bureau of Statistics, investigative journalism was invented in the year 1307 after the first set of women gathered together in a bathroom. They gathered receipts, and now, it’s become a thing women have done for generations. In the bathroom, they plot, plan and start putting 2 and 2 together.

    Planning the next “I think it’s just funny how” text 

    After they sit to gather receipts, they redistribute their anger and start drafting all their “I think it’s just funny how” messages. They do it in the bathroom with other women who’ll ginger their typing and remind them of all the offences the person has committed. 

    Sectional women’s meeting 

    Announcing a general women’s meeting will be met with a lot of resistance. That’s why women go to the bathroom in groups, to debrief, share minutes of the meeting and send their struggles to headquarters. 

    RELATED: Getting Ready With Your Girls Is Top Tier And Here’s Why

    Diplomacy

    Countries have the United Nations, and women have the bathroom. It’s like a big physical group chat. In there, all issues are addressed. There’s a secret part of the bathroom that leads to a courtroom where women can solve all their problems freely and fairly. 

    Witchcraft

    Women are summoning principalities and powers in the bathroom. Everyone knows friends who witch together, stay together. 

    RELATED: 20 Things That’ll Take Your Money as a Nigerian Woman

  • At an event in Abuja on October 10th, 2022, President Buhari made an announcement that would make you mistake him for a feminist.

    How Politicians Use Nigerian Women Without Rewarding Them

    The president directed the Minister of Justice, Abubakar Malami, and Minister of Women Affairs, Pauline Tallen, to brainstorm on possible constitutional and legal changes that would create a level playing field for Nigerian women in politics and governance. 

    On the surface, Buhari’s call might get Nigerian women excited about inclusion. But history has shown that the president’s action is just another one of those political moves intended to use and dump voters — in this case, Nigerian women. We’ll explain.

    How Politicians Use Nigerian Women Without Rewarding Them

    The president made his remarks when his party, the All Progressives Congress (APC), inaugurated its Women Presidential Campaign Committee. This special committee of over 900 high-profile women is separate from the central campaign committee for the party’s presidential candidate, Bola Tinubu.

    Buhari’s directive was a clear ploy to get those women to spread the gospel that his government is pro-women and will remain so if they vote for the party in 2023. But there’s enough paper trail that shows it’s nothing but shameless pandering. 

    A blast from the past

    In March 2022, Nigerian lawmakers in the House of Representatives and Senate voted on five women-centric bills. The bills proposed to:

    1. Create 111 exclusive seats for women in the National Assembly and 108 exclusive seats in the 36 state legislative chambers.

    2. Allow foreign husbands of Nigerian women to become citizens by registration.

    3. Fill 35% of executive committee positions of political parties with women.

    4. Allow a woman to automatically become an indigene of her husband’s state after five years of marriage.

    5. Fill at least 10% of federal and state cabinets with women.

    All the proposals failed in either one or both chambers. 

    How Politicians Use Nigerian Women Without Rewarding Them

    In fact, lawmakers in the House of Representatives gleefully jumped for joy after denying Nigerian women fundamental rights. Buhari’s APC controls both chambers of the National Assembly.

    Nigerian women and the 2023 elections

    4,223 candidates will contest for 469 seats in the National Assembly in the 2023 elections, but only 380 (9%) are women. 

    How Politicians Use Nigerian Women Without Rewarding Them

    It’s the statistic that ensures the dismal representation of women in elective office won’t improve after the elections. And decisions like the ones the National Assembly lawmakers made in March keep women out of the picture in the places that matter. But they’re a very cherished voting bloc that usually receives empty promises when it’s time for elections.

    Who’ll save Nigerian women from exploitation?

    The truth is that Buhari’s charge to his officials is nothing but another case of pandering to Nigerian women. He’s well aware that the National Assembly, controlled by his party, has thrown gender inclusivity in government into the bin. Even Buhari himself promised women would make up at least 35% of his second-term cabinet, only to end up with 16% after his election.

    How Politicians Use Nigerian Women Without Rewarding Them

    Nigerian women are one of the most active groups during elections, which is normal because they make up half of the country. But the reality of their population isn’t represented in the make-up of Nigeria’s elective or appointive offices. It’s important that before women cast their votes in 2023, they’re confident they’re voting for people that truly have their best interests at heart.

    The exploitation of the women voting bloc didn’t start with Buhari, but it’s time for Nigerian women to demand better with their votes. They’re valuable for more than just elections.

    ALSO READ: Does the National Assembly Hate Nigerian Women?