1. When you take one sip of water and have to pee 100 times.
Which kind of stress is this?
2. When you have to wake up like 10 times in the night to pee.
Is this bladder mad?
3. When you sleepover at someone’s house and can’t find the toilet in the midnight.
I have entered one chance today.
4. When the door to your toilet likes to shout, so everyone knows exactly how many times you’ve peed.
Thank you o, announcer!
5. How your boss looks at you when you take 7 bathroom breaks in 1 hour.
“It’s like you enjoy unemployment?”
6. When you’re travelling and the driver is proving very stubborn.
I will urinate in your bus o!
7. When you have to pee , but there’s no toilet around the area.
My bladder is about to lose all home training.
8. How you rush to the toilet everytime you get home from work.
This bladder should kuku kill me.
9. When nobody is taking overactive bladder syndrome seriously, you and your squad be like:
We can’t be ignored!
10. When you want to use the restroom at work, and your colleague is not having sense.
Are you giving birth ?
1. We all love Kaffy. Her dance steps give us life, and we really want to be peng like her when we grow up.
2. So imagine our joy when we heard that Aunty Kaffy covered this month’s issue of ‘House of Maliq’: we couldn’t wait to check out her slay!
3. Aunty Kaffy is looking fine o, but ermm, what is she holding abeg?
4. Please why is she cuddling the chicken?
5. Is it the current ‘Change’ mantra that is causing all this madness? Are we going to see someone holding a goat next?
6. Or is this the new trend? Because we’ve not seen this style before o!
1. So after forming bad guy for me, my secondary school crush finally talked to me.
Finally!
2. I was watching him play deliciously on the basketball field and the ball got thrown towards me.
Freshest boy in school.
3. His voice when he said ‘please throw the ball here’ was so full of promises.
My heart!
4. So I decided that night I’d package myself well for the next day.
Taking it to the next level.
5. But first, I had to get 4 buckets of bath water for that extra shine.
Because I have to look popping.
6. But when I got to the tap, I met like 100 other people.
What is this one?
7. I now spotted many wicked seniors who must have been slave traders in their past lives.
Very wicked people!
8. As I turned to run, one of them saw me. Brethren it was a sad day.
Why are these seniors unfortunate like this?
9. After I had carried plenty buckets for the senior, I managed to get one bucket of water that I could jejely manage.
This life!
10. I padlocked the water under my bed and had my beauty sleep for my crush.
Let me prepare myself for slay.
11. I now woke up late because I was dreaming of this boy! I pulled out my bucket to bath and it was…empty!
My enemies are at work o!
12. I now had to start begging for one bowl of water from my friends to bathe.
Help my situation, abeg.
13. As it was almost time for breakfast, I ran outside to sharply have my bath.
Before house mistress brings her wahala.
14. You see, it was harmattan season, so the water was basically iced water!
Unfortunate weather.
15. After shaking for like 50 mins, I finally started doing my rub and shine. That’s how I saw the house mistress coming.
I’m finished today.
16. See, I don’t even remember how I flew inside the hostel with soap on my body.
Who wants to be expelled?
17. And me, I will never use that dirty place they called a bathroom.
God forbid!
18. Long story short, I had to wipe my soapy body with towel like that o!
A shameful experience, indeed.
19. As I was wearing my uniform they started shouting ‘Out of the hostel!’.
I’m in soup o!
20. I couldn’t even use my vaseline and ended up looking like:
No more slay.
It’s no secret that Nigeria is currently in a terrible condition. The economy is suffering, and leaders are proving more and more incompetent by the day. In a country where too many graduates already walk the streets in search of a viable source of income, the current economic recession is not helping matters. According to Samson Olaleye, a lot of Lagosians, most of them graduates like himself, sleep in the streets.
According to @d_problemsolver on Twitter, some employers are already looking to employ the young man, and they want anyone with information on his whereabouts to come forward.
1. When the agege bread seller comes the exact moment your hunger starts.
2. When you’re in a Danfo and you get the front seat, alone.
3. When you’re dead broke and you remember it’s only 5 days to payday!
4. When the alarm wakes you and you remember there’s a public holiday!
5. When you’re hungry AF, and someone offers you free food.
6. When you’re mentally calculating your transport fare and one angel offers you a free ride.
7. When your siblings want to report you to your parents, but they end up doing themselves.
8. That moment your mom uses a chicken feather to clean your ears.
9. That glorious moment when you get home after a long day and there’s light.
10. When you want to wash your jeans and you find money in the pockets.
11. You, when you hear your ex’s girlfriend dumped him.
12. When you think you’ve used up your stew for the week but you find some in the freezer.
13. Those blissful weekends when the rain blesses us with cool weather.
14. That moment when a random stranger smiles at you on the road.
15. Those cold days when you stay tucked in bed for hours.
16. When it’s your turn to wash plates but your brother already did it for you.
17. When you’re on your period, but you have zero cramps.
18. That amazing feeling you get when you take a cold drink on a very hot afternoon.
19. When your crush finally asks if you’re seeing someone.
20. When you’re randomly tuning the radio and your favorite song comes on.
1. You, when its time for Smack Down.
My joy is full.
2. When two people you love are fighting.
To support John Cena or Roman Reigns?
3. When you’re enjoying a match on your own and someone wants to change the channel.
Are you alright?
4. When your friends start asking why you’re watching WWE at your age.
Because Y has two branches and one tail.
5. When someone chooks mouth and says wrestling is fake.
Who asked this one?
6. When a match is bringing you joy but you have no one to share it with.
Nobody understands.
7. How Twitter people react when you tweet about wrestling.
Na you people sabi o!
8. All of the people you know who love wrestling like you.
Me, myself and I.
9. When you realize female wrestlers are actually more hardcore than the guys.
Charlotte is the MVP!
10. When they’re talking of wrestling and TNA people chook mouth.
You’re not in the league o!
Global oil and energy company, Shell, has launched a powerful new campaign it’s tagging #Makethefuture, in a bid to support the use of clean and renewable energy across all 7 continents.
But that’s not the main gist; Shell also collaborated with top music artistes from around the world, including our own divalicious Yemi Alade to release a banging new single titled ‘Best Day of My Life’, that showcases innovation stages in producing sustainable energy.
Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson, Brazilian singer Luan Santana, British performer Pixie Lott, Chinese pop star Tan Wei Wei, and Steve Aoki, the American dance act, were also featured on the ‘Best Day of My Life’ video. Check it out!
https://youtu.be/eCs8kqUng4s
1. First and foremost, lose your useless accent if you don’t want to do yourself.
It cannot help your case.
2. Refine your pidgin game so they know you’re hardcore.
Because you’re from the streets!
3. No need to slay with your dressing, this is not a red carpet show.
Search for the worst combination in your wardrobe.
4. Prepare your self to price like a pro.
This is war!
5. Eat everything you see before leaving the house.
For added strength and stamina.
6. When they call price, divide it by 3 and tell them that’s what you’re paying.
Shake your purse so they’ll see it’s very empty.
7. If they don’t agree, throw it in their faces and walk with shakara to someone else.
Do as you please!
8. If the other person is not having sense too, let them know.
Why are they carrying shoulder?
9. Settle on the one trader that finally agrees.
Because he has more sense.
10. Make him your new best friend.
Number 1 padi!
1. Chapman
No turn-up is complete without this.
2. Fura da nunu
Just looking at it is making us want it.
3. Zobo
This stuff is legendary.
4. Kunnu Ayya
Comes with makeup and without.
5. Tsamiya Soda
Spice with ginger to feel like superman.
6. Sugarcane Drink
Sweeter than sugar.
7. Palm wine
AKA ’emu’, best taken when fresh.
1. You have to learn how to price like a pro.
With my shikini salary?
2. And how to corner your boss for a raise.
Release this money, sir!
3. Mastering the science of packaging like this is key.
Because you can’t be forming chef all the time.
4. Learn how to carry face for all those street agberos.
Eyes front, heads up!
5. You must be able to sight Yoruba demons from afar.
This will actually save your life.
6. You must know how to trick your follow follow cousins.
‘Oya, go and wear your shoes’.
7. You have to perfect your side nigga game. PERFECT IT!
When Plan A surprises you, you sef surprise him.
8. If you don’t know how to turn down Aso Ebi, you’re on your own.
RIP to your bank account.
9. You have to know how to handle all your oversabi colleagues, so you can prosper.
Even if you want to scream, keep smiling.
10. If you’re not fitfaming, what are you doing?
So you can tension all your haters.
If you enjoyed this, then you’ll definitely love “Hustle”, an amazing new dramedy on Africa Magic Urban that follows the antics of Dayo, a JJC to the city of Lagos! Catch it on Africa Magic Urban 153 at 21:30 CAT (8.30pm Nigerian time) from October 3, 2016.
