2. When it’s bread and butter day, you and your squad are like:
Hot, fresh bread straight from the bakery!
3. When the cooks now try themselves and make moi moi without palm oil.
Just stick with your eba and okro, please.
4. What of all the times you had to eat watery beans that had stones?
Vomit-inducing food!
5. You, when you see staff members eating ‘special food’.
So we’re not special abi?
6. When they serve you grainy tuwo shinkafa and miyan kuka that scatters your tummy.
You will now have to shotput after.
7. How people flood the dining hall when it’s time for jollof and chicken.
The only time you will see all the big boys and girls.
8. You, when it’s time for akara and your friends say “collect my portion”.
Only you will eat like 3 portions!
9. When your friends now go home and don’t bring home food.
The betrayal is too real.
10. How you enter the hostel when your mom randomly sends you jollof and chicken.
It’s basically Christmas!
1. ‘The car broke down on the way’.
“I went to go pick her up at home and the car broke down on the way to the movies. I couldn’t cry! I sha called a cab while I chilled for the mechanic. Scheduled another date, but there was a noticeable change. She zoned me. The vibe was a subtle “you are looking for gehfren” when your jalopy is need of change”.
-Collins
2. “He was showing off”
“This guy showed me his account balance. He was a semi-professional footballer and sha wanted to show me he was a big boy. I said “I’m happy for you” and asked for the rest of my food to go and then left“.
-Abike
3. “We got arrested”
“We were in this yellow taxi when some oversabi policemen pulled us over. The wahala started when they caught her filming them on her camera phone. They took us to the station o! They even took us to the place they kept armed robbers. My people came to bail us sha“.
-Ikemefuna John
4. “I was the third wheel on the date”
“He came to pick me with his friend, and I had to sit at the back. When we got to the cinema, he sat in the middle and he kept talking to his friend throughout, I was basically the third wheel”.
-Anike
5. “My tummy disrespected me”.
“I had diarrhea and had to use the restroom several times. It was so embarrassing“.
-Grace
6. “Fuel finished in his car”
“When he came to pick me, he parked his car in front of my hostel. The car refused to start o, and that’s how we caused traffic in front of the hostel. He now ‘realised there wasn’t petrol in his car and we had to buy petrol inside nylon.”
-Imani
7. He wanted me to come and ‘relax’ in his hotel room.
“It was my matriculation so I decided to go on a date with this guy that had been disturbing me. He brought his two friends (one of them was called Jendor) and another girl. As if that wasn’t annoying enough, after eating what was basically Agege bread and hot dog, he asked me and the other girl to come and relax with his friends. Relax, abi rape fest? I just carried my load and went back to my hostel“.
-Lara
Everyone has had a horrible date experience. Share yours in the comments section.
1. C.V by the Mo’Hits All-Stars.
Before they split up and broke our hearts.
2. Mushin2Mohits by Wande Coal.
A classic by the ‘Jewel of Mushin’.
3. Face2Face by 2Face.
2baba! This was his original child, before the 20 children.
4. Superstar by Wizkid.
Before the Starboy, there was the Superstar.
5. The Entertainer by D’banj.
The kokomaster himself has to be in our top 10.
6. MI1 by M.I
Kickstarted the rap scene in Nigeria, we owe M.I a lot.
7. Gongo Aso by 9ice.
Street credibility lomo!
8. The W Experience by Banky W.
I used to sing ‘Strong Ting’ to any girl that would listen.
9. Expressions by Styl Plus.
Nigerias premiere boy-band.
10. C.E.O by Dagrin.
RIP to the godfather of rap, no one ever comes close.
Although the concept of dressing up for Halloween looks really nice, it’s not a thing in Nigeria.
From fantastic music to hilarious skits, we’re all thankful for the blessing that is Folarin Falana, the guy you know as ‘Falz the bad guy’. Think you know everything about Falz? Here are 5 things you’ve not heard before.
1. He can’t come to terms with how swimming works.
Not even in a bathtub o!
2. He’s actually a really shy person.
Why shall you shy, Falz?
3. He likes to be by himself, but he’s definitely not a loner.
He likes to reflect.
4. He can’t eat rice with fork, and neither can we!
Who does that?
5. If you haven’t noticed, the guy is a ‘geenuoz’! See for yourself!
1. When your mom told you your stomach would pain you if you sit down on a mortar.
…because you sat on it that morning!
2. When you started your period and your mom said you’ll get pregnant if a boy touches you.
But Tunde touched me in class o!
3. When they told you not to beat your junior brother with stick or he’ll become impotent.
It doesn’t make sense!
4. When your dad told you your shadow will chase you in the midnight if you keep playing with it.
And you thought hiding would help your case.
5. When they lied that you’ll lose your voice if you spit on the road.
And you believed without evidence o!
6. When they said evil spirits will chase you if you hiss at night.
Is it that deep?
7. How you rushed your beans when your mum said it will make you very tall.
But you’re still short though!
8. You, when you swallowed an orange seed and your mom said a tree will grow in your tummy.
A whole tree in my tummy!
9. When they said your tummy will gum together if you swallow chewing gum.
Yeepa!
10. When you were making funny faces and your grandma said your face will remain like that forever.
Ah! Abeg oh, it was just small play!
1. Once you vomit, you’re pregnant.
Most accurate pregnancy test, never fails.
2. Once they’re in white, they’re an angel.
No questions asked, if he’s in white you do what he says.
3. If its a trending topic, there’s a movie about it.
I get all my gist from Nollywood.
4. Cowries are only used for juju.
Only witch-doctors have them.
5. Piano music is ALWAYS a bad sign.
Something bad is about to happen.
6. Your mother-in-law wants to kill you.
Trust me, she wants you dead.
7. Once you’re in school uniform, you can pass off as a child.
Doesn’t matter if you look like a father of 4.
8. Once you return from America, you’re a ‘bad boy’.
Even if you went for school, you’re sha a bad boy.
Not all heroes wear capes, but this one should! Moise Morancy, an actor, and activist saw a young girl being molested on the bus and immediately took action! He got arrested by the police but was eventually released.
“No is no, do not touch young women or women of all ages.”
This is what we should all do when we see someone being molested. In Nigeria, young girls and boys are sexually assaulted every single day.
We need to stand up, we need to speak up! It is not okay to touch anyone inappropriately! If you can’t keep your hands to yourself, then cut them off! And it’s not okay to stand by and watch people being assaulted either. Brothers, you need to speak to your friends who do this yamma yamma on a regular. Educate them, fight them if you need to! Whatever you do, TAKE ACTION!
These images were taken by Joey Rosado, a New York-based photographer who is very into capturing the beauty of black girls. He has also worked with Moshoodat Sanni, a 24-year-old makeup artist, in putting together a photo-series on black women.
1. Moshoodat Sanni herself, all glitterati.
2. The stunning Khoudia Diop in contrasts.
3. These beautiful gorgeous girls are making us pray for twins.
4. You’re beautiful, with or without hair.
5. An inspiration to all of us rocking ‘ajankolokolo’ hair style.
