Sound Sultan sang about people sleeping at the American embassy in their bid to get visas, people selling all their property to make up the money to buy tickets. Basically, trying to escape this country by any means possible.
This song was released 17 years ago.
Nothing has changed
2. ‘Jaga Jaga’ by Eedris Abdulkareem
In 2004, during Olusegun Obasanjo’s tenure, Eedris Abdulkareem sang about how Nigeria was in a general state of disarray and how its people were suffering because of it.
Tell me. Is it any different now?
3. ‘Surulere’ by Lagbaja
In this song, Lagbaja sings about how we must have a little patience because democracy takes time to work. It’s been almost 20 years. Nigeria’s democracy looks like one big joke.
4. ‘Mr. President’ by African China
In this song from over 10 years ago, African China sang about how poor people are paraded and disgraced whenever they steal but when rich people do the same, no one hears anything.
How many politicians have been caught stealing money in recent times and how many have gone to jail for it?
5. ‘Beasts Of No Nation’ by Fela
In 1989, Fela released the song, Beasts Of No Nation. In it he sings about our leaders being animals in human skin. Basically pretending to be something they’re not.
Are our leaders today any different?
If you liked this, read this next article about 25 Nigerian hit songs you probably haven’t heard since 2006.
1. Location is everything. You can use the city but the bush is always better.
The forest will add an extra layer of suspense to the movie. And you can’t beat those natural sounds of the owl hooting or the crickets chirping to make your movie extra scary.
2. You will need a white sheet for your ghost.
The ghost wearing it may or may not have their face painted white. The sheet takes care of that.
3. There has to be a chief priest or scary old man who uses cowrie shells to talk with the gods.
4. There must be a coven of witches that will be destroyed.
Yes! Up up Jesus! Down down Satan!
5. You can include an animal in your movie, but don’t worry about getting the real thing, visual effects will do.
6. Also include a mystical creature or two which the hero/heroine(s) will battle and eventually kill.
7. You’ll also need Patience Ozorkwor to lead your coven of witches.
And they have to be dressed in red.
8. Then you’ll need zobo. Lots of zobo.
9. You’ll also need white chalk. Plenty of white chalk.
Or white talcum powder. You can take your pick.
10. And you’ll need to get this guy:
And make him use his family for rituals.
11. But if you can’t find him, you can also use this guy:
And you better make him king.
Your horror movie can also feature:
12. Skin diseases…
13. Multiple breasts…
14. And Medusa…
Or at least the Nigerian Medusa.
15. Or you can just pack some boys into the bush, tell them to remove cloth and carry coffin in the night for money ritual.
Want more Zikoko guides? How about this one to help figure out if your partner is cheating on you?
Especially when they’re abusing you and smiling at you at the same time!! Like, WHY?!!
But you will hear some Hausa insults that will make you do like this:
It will hit you DEEP in your soul.
And don’t even let us get started on Warri people and “YOUR PAPA!”,
But what would you expect? Warri people NO DEY CARRY LAST before!
It’s quite obvious really. Every Nigerian language has some pretty strong insults in their vocabulary that’ll make you go:
WHY DO YOU HATE ME LIKE THIS?!
So we want to know, what are the craziest insults in your language?
Feel free. Don’t hold back. Let’s know what insults are lurking deep in the recesses of your mother tongue. Tell us the craziest insults in your language, (along with an English translation of the meaning as well as the tribe) and if it’s a really good one, we’ll feature it on our next Zikoko Readers’ Choice post!
It is no news that there is, has been and most likely will continue to be, a kind of sort of ongoing beef like this between Nigeria and Ghana.
But is it really any wonder? To Nigerians, Ghana is like that younger brother that is tired of staying under his big bro’s glory and wants to shine too.
So it is common to find Nigerians throw shade at Ghanaians regarding everything from their complexion to whose jollof rice is really better.
And it appeared like we were winning, for a while at least, until this happened…
While this one was trying to claim Nigerian born but British trained current world heavyweight champion, Anthony Joshua, he forgot that it is not good to play with stones if you’re wearing glasses.
Which really shouldn’t have pained Nigerians, if not that it was true.
You see for the past few weeks Daddy Bubu has been using us to do hide and seek.
And as this one has come to yab us now we cannot even report.
Na to just siddon cry remain.
Daddy Bubu, where are you na?!!
Once again, our very own President Buhari is making the headlines.
Don’t worry, he hasn’t traveled to obodo again.
He only moved his work from his office to his house.
Yup.
Appaz, he’s liking the way all this people are staying at home and getting stuff done and he’s not about all that nine to five struggle life.
Okay, no…not exactly.
According to his presidential mouthpiece, Min. Lai Mohammed, the president had missed yesterday’s Federal Executive Council Meeting for the second time this month, because he felt slightly under the weather and decided to work from home for the rest of the day.
The Minister Of Information, Lai Mohammed Explains Reason Behind Buhari's Absence From FEC Meeting. pic.twitter.com/ASoCOQVIvN
2. Wait…wait…wait…who brought in the other room now?
So what's Lai now saying about working from home? Dozzit mean Buhari will run Nigeria from his bedroom and "za oda room" only? pic.twitter.com/XuO5MsdxP8
For these ones, watching a movie at the cinema is never complete without some food to go with it. And this is not just the regular popcorn, shawarma/hotdog with soda kind of food. I’m talking Shoprite spaghetti/seafood paella with fried chicken. There are even those that will go traditional with a bowl of amala and gbegiri to enjoy their movie. Yes. You read that right. Amala and its trusted sidekick, gbegiri.
2. The Inquisitioners
These ones can ask so many questions during the course of the movie that you’ll start to wonder if you’re in the cinema or in the examination hall writing JAMB. From the beginning of the movie, they’ll want to know who Dreamworks is and why there is a boy sitting on the moon. “Aunty, watch and find out na”.
3. The Ones Who Come With Spoilers
Also known as the ITKs, these ones will be feeling like they joined to act the movie. They’re constantly dropping hints on various scenes in the movie and can very well ruin the surprise for you – especially if the surprise was all that you were looking forward to. They’ll be forming, “I know what happens”. Uncle, who asked you?
4. The Scream Queens
These ones just like to shout. Whether it’s a horror movie, action movie or romantic comedy, their mouths are perpetually open and screaming, “Ooh! Ahh! Aww! Eeww!” Any sound that can be made will be made by them. There is no such thing like a quiet cinema when they are around.
5. The Commentators
They are almost like the ones that give spoilers except they don’t know anything about the movie so they just comment on everything that is happening like the entire cinema can’t see it for themselves. They’ll be shouting, “You see, you see, he’ll kiss her now”. Err…oga, we know.
6. The Ones Who Wait For Post Credit Scenes
These are the ones that know whazzup. They did not come to the cinema to play. They are the real movie buffs that know to wait after the movie looks like it has finished because they know that the best part is always saved for last. As per, bottom pot na im sweet pass.
7. The Ones Who Don’t Wait For The Post Credit Scenes
These ones are just learners. If by 2017 you haven’t learned to wait for post credit scenes after a movie, you definitely know nothing. Or you don’t care. Either way, these ones who walk out immediately after the movie are either JJCs (Johnny Just Come) or IJDWF ( I Just Dey Watch Feem), and they’re all missing out on something special.
8. The Ones Who Just Come To Canoodle
For these set of cinema goers, it’s not about the movie or the post credit scene, they just came to find a place to conduct their funny business. Maybe it’s the dark ambiance of the cinema, the soft chairs or the fact that they feel nobody can hear or see them. Whatever the case, coming to the cinema for these ones is about more than screaming at the screen. They usually prefer sitting in the corners to avoid being spotted, but we all know what they’re doing in the dark.
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Now here’s a complete list of all the stressful things that involve going to the cinema:
1. Ensure to make frequent unscheduled visits to your neighbour’s house.
Feel free to “stop by” unannounced. They’re just right next door anyways, why waste your money on a simple call or text message?
2. Be ready to lend your neighbour any and every thing.
Nothing is off limits; from tomato paste to phone charger to bed sheet. You must be ready to give it all as a good Nigerian neighbour. There should be no “no” in your dictionary, only “yes” and “is that enough?”
3. Always keep your neighbour abreast of good ol’ fashioned neighbourhood gossip.
A neighbour is better than a newspaper, they know everything. Keep your ear to the ground so you know who’s talking about who, when they were doing the talking, why they were doing the talking and what they were talking about.
4. Be the security camera your neighbour has always wanted but could never afford.
After all, why are you now neighbours? You must keep watch on any and every coming and going. Especially when one particular mysterious car always seems to show up at one particular time every day just after your neighbour’s spouse returns from work. *suspicious*
5. Always try to eavesdrop on your neighbour a little.
How else would you know all about that thing they’ve been trying not to let you know and of which is not your business to know? They’re probably too embarrassed about it, so just listen in just in case.
6. Set up your generator as close to your neighbour’s house as possible.
That way, every time you switch it on at 7pm, they’ll know.
7. Always leave your door open so your neighbour can enter whenever they need to.
You can’t just be locking door anyhow, are you in a prison?
8. Always receive messages for your neighbour.
It’s not like the visitor who didn’t meet them at home could just ring them up or slip a note under their door. When you’re there, why bother them with having to write again?
9. You must always help your neighbour discipline their children.
Does it not take a village? Why are you now there? You must teach that child to always bend her back when she’s sweeping and caution her to stop playing too loud and too rough on the street.
10. Now that you know all you need to about being a good Nigerian neighbour, here’s a post that perfectly describes all the wahala that comes with having troublesome neighbours:
Whether it’s bathing in the cold, bathing with just a bowl of water or bathing with just five minutes left before the hostel gate is closed, boarding school has taught us to live life on the fast side. So you know that harmattan showers ain’t got nothing on you, you can have your bath and rush out the house if you ever find yourself running late, and if your landlord thinks he can suffer you by locking the well and hiding the key, he’s got another thing coming, a satchet or two of pure water will be just enough to do the job.
2. How to dress even when under duress.
When there’s only two seconds left on the clock and you have to put on your underwear, slip on your school uniform, wear your socks and your shoes, and maybe even toss on a beret, boarding school has taught us that speed and agility are qualities that don’t only belong to the cheetah. So that when you find yourself running late for work, there’s no fear of showing up in the office wearing bathroom slippers for shoes.
3. How to think on your feet.
When a senior student suddenly appears in front of you and is about to send you on an errand, you have a split second to think of an excuse or risk being the J-girl messenger of the day. The ability to come up with an elaborate excuse like this, “I’m sorry Senior, I have a drug in the sickbay that I have to take every 30 minutes in front of the nurses”, will save you in many future on-the-spot moments like when you have a presentation at work, or even trying to convince a lover that you didn’t do something you both know you did but which you would very much like to get off the hook for.
4. How to be resourceful with little in order to get much.
When it’s nearing the end of the term and provisions are scarce, the “soak and travel” method of drinking garri is one example of how boarding school taught us to be careful with little so that we can get much. And this is one skill that will definitely serve well at moments when the adulting life hits hard but the pride is too much to ask anyone for help.
5. How to eat quickly so no one can join you.
In the dinning hall, there’s barely any time to eat your food. You alternate between eating standing or walking, and there’s no time to chat or take occasionally sips of water, not to talk of even read a book. This is a very important skill for life, especially when dealing with those kinds of people who actually bring a spoon when you out of courtesy tell them, “come and eat”. Ain’t nobody got time for a ration-stealer, so you cut them short. Finish the food so they can’t find anything to eat on the plate.
6. How to drink water without ever having to put your lips to the mouth of the bottle.
It’s slightly tricky and it might take some time, but eventually every boarder gets the hang of it. Tilt your head back, lift the bottle, angle it parallel to the lips, open the mouth – stylishly, not too wide like an idiot – and then pour. The key is to bring the bottle to you not your lips to the bottle. There are several benefits of this skill, and all of them revolve around it being healthy. No more shared saliva, no fear of backwash, no risk of contracting mouth diseases, if ever a life skill was needed, it’s definitely this!
7. How to tell a story and tell it well.
Much of your time in boarding school, apart of the time spent in class, running errands for seniors or serving various punishments, is also usually spent engaging in spirited conversations with classmates. A lot of gist and stories gets passed round. This is typically when the myths of the various things haunting the hostel comes out, and the people who tell these tales do so in the most captivating and enthralling way. A necessary life skill when you have to make small talk at a dinner party or gathering of otherwise boring colleagues from work. You become the life of the party, and because of the exciting stories you tell, everyone will know your name, including your boss!
8. How to pinch, manage and save for the rainy – and sometimes harmattan – day.
When you have to find a way to manage with just one pair of uniforms or housewear after all the others have been stolen from the clothes line, washing and towel-drying it so you can have something to wear the next day, you develop the ability to manage and style your one good pair of work pants in such a way that even your boss will start to wonder where you get the time to go and shop.
9. How to use the toilet without using the toilet.
When it comes to using the toilet in boarding school, it’s all about the arch. Whether it’s with a traditional toilet, a pit latrine or just yourself, a piece of paper, and the side of JSS1 block, you have to be quick, precise and careful with the arch. This is so that you make no mistake by either catching a toilet disease or tossing your “package” the wrong way when you’re done. The key is to be able to do your business as quickly and discreetly as possible. And just like being able to drink water without putting your lips to the mouth of the bottle, this life skill will definitely save you, especially when you find yourself stranded in the middle of nowhere with a broken down car and a desire to relieve yourself, or when you get mobilized and sent to an NYSC orientation camp that has more bushes than it has toilets.
If you feel these life skills are the truth, here’s more boarding school truth for you:
They are the Head Sleepers of the Sleep Society. If you have the slight misfortune of sitting next to them, expect to have your shoulder become their pillow. You should also expect to find their slight spittle mixed lightly with sweat on your clothes.
2. The Eaters
If it comes wrapped up in something and sold in trays balanced on heads, these ones are buying.
It is not wise to part them from their food. They’re generally the first to ask the driver where he is stopping to eat.
Merchandise of choice usually includes but are not limited to; Gala, Chinchin, Akara and Bread, Boiled eggs, Ekpa etc.
Consequently, they also will regularly request to relieve themselves on the way.
3. The Debaters
For these ones, a journey is always an opportunity to get on the debating stage, and it doesn’t take much to get them rolling.
Topics generally include any popular issue. From Daddy Bubu’s frequent holidays to the abroad to whistle-blowing and finding money in strange places.
All it takes is the bus bouncing over a small pothole in the road and away they go.
But try to steer clear of the general area surrounding their mouths, they tend to be spitters as well. Although, it’s not their fault, all that talking has made their lips numb.
4. The Cellcoholic *Yes, it is a word
You can tell them by the earpiece/headset in their ears or the phone pressed tightly to their heads. From personal to business call, they’ll make it all. By the end of the journey you’ll start to feel like you know them better.
“Don’t worry Brother Ignatius, the container will come in on time”.
5. The Assistant Drivers
As the name implies, they’re the driver’s second-in-command. Usually riding shotgun, or in the row behind the driver, their functions include but are also not limited to;
– Helping the driver see sudden, upcoming potholes
– Warning the driver of an oncoming trailer
– Monitoring the driver’s speed and keeping tabs on fuel level.
So the next time you’re travelling with public transport in Nigeria, keep watch for these 5 people.
