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  • So tomorrow, Nigeria will be launching a satellite into space!

    Ikr!

    The satellite will be launched in partnership with four other countries; Japan, Ghana, Mongolia and Bangladesh, and would be launched into space from the Kennedy Space Centre in Florida, USA.

    The Nigerian CubeSat, which is called; NigeriaEdusat-1, is designed, built and owned by the Federal University of Technology Akure (FUTA) in collaboration with National Space Research and Development Agency (NASRDA) Abuja, Nigeria and Kyushu Institute of Technology, Japan.

    The satellite is going to be launched on Thursday June 1st at 10:55pm and it is the first ever university owned satellite to be launched in Nigeria.

    WAWU! To infinity and beyond!

    Which should mean a lot of Nigerians should be doing like this:

    Right? Wrong.

    While some Nigerians are like this:

    Like these guys:

    Others are like:

    Like this guy:

    Meanwhile, this guy has a lot of questions:

    And this guy would really just want to know how the satellite thing will consign him.

    But really, can’t we all just be happy and move on?

    Really, can’t we?

    More Zikoko!

    https://zikoko.com/list/10-absolutely-terrifying-moments-in-the-life-of-the-average-nigerian/

  • Yesterday, Premium Times Nigeria published a report from the Center for Democracy and Development (CDC). The report was about President Muhammadu Buhari (whereabouts unknown)

    In the report, 4,097 Nigerians from 111 Local Government Areas were asked to rate the performance of the traveling president

    giphy.gif

    …and the results are out. Apparently 57% of Nigerians generally ‘approved’ his performance.

    giphy.gif

    But here’s where it gets interesting. According to this report, the majority of people who APPROVE of the president are in the North

    The North-West (85 per cent) and North-East (66 per cent) regions constitute the majority of those who approve of his job performance.Premium Times

    …and the majority of people who disapprove come from the South

    …respondents from the South-East (72 per cent) and South-South (60 per cent) regions make up those who do not approve his performancePremium Times

    Esselent.

    giphy.gif You can have a look at the full report here, by the way.

    More Zikoko politics? Lookie here:

    https://zikoko.com/list/10-top-quotes-from-osinbajos-democracyday-speech/

  • In another episode of celebrities clapping back at rude people online, we have Davido VS a fan.

    It all started when a video of a little boy singing Davido’s hit song “IF” went viral a few days ago.

    Davido saw this, was touched by it, reached out to the boy and promised to take care of his family from now on.

    A lot of people praised Davido for having a good heart and helping the less privileged.

    But there is always that bad belle that shows up to say nonsense. That person that can’t just see a good thing being done and be happy. That was this person.

    Now this could’ve gotten lost in the sea of positive comments under Davido’s post but it didn’t and honestly we are glad.

    Because terrible people like this need to be put in their place. So when Davido replied with this

    We were like

    And like

    Then like

    This should teach trolls that they can’t just come online, say nonsense and get away with it every time.

    Random person on Instagram, it is good for you. Next time don’t be rude.

    If you enjoyed this, take this quiz to see if you are more Wizkid or Davido.

    QUIZ: Are You More Wizkid or Davido?

  • 1. When they give you an 8 o’clock appointment but won’t show up till ten.

    So this is where I will spend my entire day?

    2. After showing up late, they use another one hour to sweep and arrange the place.

    Could you please just hurry up?

    3. When you go to retouch your hair alone and they start asking you if you want to fix nails, do make up and buy aso ebi too.

    I did not come here to attend owambe, I just want to make my hair.

    4. When they don’t know the hairstyle but instead of saying so they start to do nonsense on your head.

    Is it by force?

    5. When they start combing your hair like the devil is hiding inside it.

    No. No. What is you doing?? No.

    6. When they’re making your hair and start pushing it anyhow.

    Please na.

    7. When they pour lottabody on your hair just because of setting.

    It’s not enough, why don’t you add more? Let me kukuma know that I want to be swimming  in setting lotion.

    8. When they finish washing your hair and your shirt looks like you just took a swim.

    Did I tell you I want to take a bath?

    9. When you tell them you just want a trim and they decide to give you a big chop.

    Did. You. Just. Cut. All. My. Hair?

    10. When they leave your hair halfway to attend to their “customer” who just walked in.

    Is this life?

    But really, having a bad hairdresser is one thing, having a bad hair day IS the absolute worst:

    https://zikoko.com/list/10-things-that-happen-when-youre-having-a-bad-hair-day/

  • 1. Mr/Mrs Money Bags

    These are always our favourite kinds of visitors. The big aunties and uncles that always come armed with goodies and never leave without dropping “something” in your hand when they’re leaving. Stomach infrastructure so on point it’s like they all attended the Fayose School of Stomach Infrastructure.

    2. The FFO (For Food Only)

    These ones will visit your house for the food. It’s all about the food. They will time it to arrive just when lunch is being prepared so that you will have no choice but to add their mouth join.

    3. The Picky Eaters

    These ones will refuse everything you offer them. They are either watching their weight or height, and if they even end up agreeing to take something, they will never finish anything you serve them.

    4. The Poke Nosers

    These ones can’t keep their opinions to themselves. They have an opinion on everything. From how you cook your food to how you discipline your children. Uncle, who asked you?

    5. The Unannounced Visitor

    These ones will never call or text or even “Wuzzup” before coming around. They’ll just show up, like Judgement Day, and start giving you wahala trying to think of what to offer them, getting where they will sleep ready and everything.

    6. The “I Just Dropped By” Visitors

    These ones are not so bad. Their visit is always quick. It usually starts and ends at the door. They just sha wanted to see your face that you’re alive and they’re gone. Finish. O pari. Shikena. No stress to go and start buying coke and groundnut.

    7. The Freeloader

    They might have come into your home for a visit, but before they leave they will become a part of the family. They will enter your house with one small bag, then before you know it, their possessions have full everywhere and they do not want to leave again.

    And now, here’s a post on the 7 kinds of people you’ll meet at the ATM:

    https://zikoko.com/list/7-kinds-people-youll-meet-atm/

  • 1. “I will never call my ex again”

    Well, guess who’s calling their ex?

    2. “I will never use (insert your most frustrating network provider here) ever again”

    Then the network comes up with some ridiculously amazing tariff plan and of course, guess who’s buying a recharge card?

    3. “Data is so expensive! I’m not buying data ever again!”

    Yeeeaahh…right…

    4. “I’m never drinking (insert favourite soda here) ever again”

    Guess who’s buying a bottle of coke for lunch?

    5. “I’m never drinking alcohol ever again”

    We all know how that ends. TGIF and a bottle of Orijin…without the zero.

    6. “I’m never going on Twitter ever again”

    Uh…yeah…sure

    Now if you like food very very much, this post is just for you:

    https://zikoko.com/list/9-things-happen-like-food-much/

  • 1. So, you just graduated from a College Of Medicine or Faculty Of Pharmacy eh?

    And they are even calling you young doctor or “pharm pharm” at home…

    2. And they told you that Internship/Housemanship money is like blood money.

    I mean, you have a list of family and friends you plan to kill with enjoyment.

    3. Naturally, your walk self has changed. I mean Pre-rich binchessss!!

    Low key, you start to look down on your other friends with non-medical degrees.

    4. They kuku told you that they will be begging you for job so you even start to select places you want to do Internship.

    I am a ‘Profeshunal’ please.

    5. So, the places you applied to start to call you to write exams

    You start to feel on top of the world.  I mean you are making it in real life without Daddy and Mummy’s help.

    6. Five, Six, One million exams later…

    Nothing. Not even ‘You are an olodo, don’t ever come back to this place again.’ Silence.

    7. That’s how 6 months have gone since you graduated and you haven’t started killing anyone with enjoyment

    People are starting to ask questions: ‘Did you really graduate?’ ‘When is Jamb?’ ‘Shebi doctors don’t look for work?’

    8. And then some of your classmates that didn’t even struggle to write exams start to get jobs ahead of you

    So, you go and beg them to show you the way.

    9. Some say it is God, others say it is connection.

    You know you are a sinner and your daddy doesn’t know anyone in this life. You start to panic.

    10. Then you start to apply to places you had initially sworn you could never work in as a ‘Profeshuna.’

    The Medical Director, Federal Medical Center Gombe, Epp!

    11. Change your ways.

    It is well.

  • 1. When you get that notification that your parents are following you:

    2. You start to wonder who even told them about the app:

    3. Then you remember you were actually the one that downloaded it for them:

    4. When your parents ask you if you’ve seen their follow notification:

    Er…I’m not sure…

    5. You when they tell you to follow them back:

    6. You start to think of a good excuse not to:

    But you can’t come up with one.

    7. So you eventually follow back because, “what’s the worst that could happen”, right?

    8. Then they start to lecture you on your choice of profile picture:

    9. And send you a million and one broadcast messages:

    10. And every two minutes they’re trying to video call:

    Why use voice call when there is video and you can see everything?

    11. They never get the hang of using the app:

    12. So they’re constantly calling you for help:

    13. And sending either indecipherable or inappropriate messages:

    14. When you’re tired, you finally decide to block them:

    15. Then when they get a new phone, the cycle begins all over again:

    Parents and social media just don’t mix. And teaching parents how to use new technology has to be the absolute worst! Just see:

    https://zikoko.com/list/wahala-comes-teaching-parents-use-new-technology/

  • 1. Having Akara/Moinmoin and Pap for breakfast on Saturday.

    The sleep you will sleep after will be out of this world.

    2. The weekly “environmental” or cleaning.

    When you scrub your house spotless, or at least try to.

    3. Attending at least one owambe party.

    Is it even a weekend without attending at least one owambe?

    4. Having fried eggs and bread for Sunday breakfast.

    The best way to start a Sunday!

    5. Having jollof rice for Sunday dinner.

    The best way to end a Sunday!

    Nigerian weddings are without a doubt the best part of every weekend and here are 6 reasons why:

    https://zikoko.com/list/6-reasons-why-nigerian-weddings-are-the-best/

  • Arik Air used to be the most disliked airline in Nigeria. But the events of today is making Nigerians do like this for them:

    And here’s why:

    During a Lagos to Abuja flight this morning, Arik Air security caught a thief right in the act.

    The authorities were informed on arrival at Abuja airport.

    And the dude was promptly carted away.

    So here’s the gist on what really happened:

    Appaz, this “stealing in the air” thing isn’t really new.

    Even Arik Air has tried to catch them before but they will be forming “sharp guys”.

    This is how they do it:

    They will be watching you and watching you…

    Then when they see that you’re sleeping or not looking, they’ll strike.

    But na every day for the thief and just one day for the owner of the house.

    Arik was ready for them.

    By the time them catch the guy e just dey shake head.

    It’s looking like new management is doing the airline some good. Arik Air, three GBOSAS for you!!!