Nigerians are forever full of advice for house wives. But what of house husbands?
It’s not like they don’t exist. I mean what will you call your Uncle Tade that has refused to look for a job for the last ten years while his wife works to provide for the whole family?
Because nobody ever talks about it, house husbands in Nigeria don’t seem to know their roles.
Nigerian parents and pastors are oddly silent on this topic.
Since no one else will offer it, I’m here with Sage advice for all the house husbands in Nigeria.
Now, gather round. It’s time to learn how to be a really really good house husband.
First of all, it’s your sole responsibility to get the kids ready for school, drop them off, pick them up, supervise their homework and feed them.
Because if you really love them, then you have to do it.
You have to wake up before her so that you can start doing one or two things around the house before she wakes up.
Who will make her breakfast before she goes to work? Or you want her to go to work on an empty stomach?
Make sure there is a hot meal waiting on the table for your wife before she comes back from work.
And it must always be freshly made. Stale food is for losers. And you’re not a loser, are you?
If she decides out of the goodness of her heart to help you around the house you had better be grateful.
Do you think it’s easy? After all the hard day’s job.
On top of cooking, cleaning, taking care of the kids and running the whole house you have to remember to always look good for your wife.
Did she marry you with a pot belly? If you are not careful she’ll leave you for a better-looking man. A beard is great, but you better trim it properly.
Remember to stay on top of your sex game. You might be tired from having to keep the house running by yourself but can you be more tired than the person putting food on the table?
You’re not expecting this to be over in 10 minutes, right?
If she ever cheats by mistake you have to forgive her.
It’s probably not even her fault. Examine your conscience. You must be the reason she cheated.
Never question her authority, after all are you the one paying the children’s school fees?
An obedient husband is a happy husband.
Now go forth and flourish as the good husband we know you have the potential to be.
Any questions? Feel free to drop more advice if you have any.
While we are on the topic of Nigerian men, find out if they care about romance at all in this video.
As we are all aware, the rainy season is here. And while we like how rain makes the weather cool for us, we have to admit Nigerian rain can be extra! Here are all the things you need to survive.
1. If you don’t have a big umbrella in this weather, you’re on your own.
Not all those small ones that can fly away with small wind o!
2. Nylon bag, or even sack sef for added protection.
To tie on your head when your umbrella is not having sense.
3. Original bathroom slippers is an absolute must.
To help the life of your loubs and nike shoes!
4. Canoe and paddle for all the times the rain is proving stubborn.
When the rain decides to turn everywhere into river.
5. Life jacket, for those of us that cannot swim.
If you cannot afford the canoe, kuku buy this one.
6. Forget lamp, lantern and kerosine is the way forward.
When NEPA will not even let you charge lamp nko?
7. Everybody needs a Sugar Parent
Because Sugar Daddy can send Range. Sugar mummy won’t even let you go anywhere
8. Okay, forget everything for a moment, see this Firewood?
That is what you need to become this season. “Weather for two” is a dangerous idea. Baby food is expensive. Be wise.
1. How your parents come to wake you up in the morning:
You people should chill, biko.
2. When you open your eyes and it’s still pitch black outside.
Hay God! What time is it?
3. When your whole family is waiting for you to lead opening prayer.
Why me na?
4. When your mother decides to lead praise & worship, so you know you will clap tire.
Get ready for at least 10 songs.
5. You, trying your best to not fall asleep.
The struggle is real.
6. When your mother starts using what you did during the week to preach.
Sub me jeje.
7. Your father, when he hears you and your siblings gisting.
We are sorry, sir.
8. When your parents turn the devotion into a full-blown Sunday service.
Kai!
9. Your parents, when they catch you dozing off:
You are now possessed, abi?
10. When the devotion was meant to last 30 minutes and 1 hour has already passed.
Somebody save me.
11. When the person that is meant to lead closing prayer starts off with another song.
How is it doing you?
12. When your mother still prays right after you just lead closing prayers.
Ah! You don’t trust my own prayer to reach God?
13. When you think it’s over, then this song restarts it.
Mum: For in Jesus name we pray Me : AMEN !!! 😢 Mum: (Singing ) who can battle with the lord…… pic.twitter.com/WShUonE05q
Published in 1984, Chinua Achebe addressed the problems of Nigeria as a country and the challenges that are keeping the country from being as great as it can be. The book, though only 68 pages long, provides a clear analysis of why Nigeria is the shit show it is now. The following passage will explain better:
‘The trouble with Nigeria is simply and squarely a failure of leadership. There is nothing basically wrong with the Nigerian character. There is nothing wrong with the Nigerian land or climate or water or air or anything else. The Nigerian problem is the unwillingness or inability of its leaders to rise to the responsibility, to the challenge of personal example which are the hallmarks of true leadership.’
That is all from page 1.
With the chapter titles, Achebe lists out all the other problems that he had identified: Corruption, Social Injustice, Tribalism, False Image, Indiscipline etc.
2. Soldiers of Fortune by Max Siolllun
Published in 2013, this book tells the story of Nigeria’s political journey between the 1st of January 1984 and the 27th of August 1993.
The book is an objective analysis of the major events of the Buhari and Babangida era, revealing the true stories behind controversies like the annulment of the June 12 elections, the assassination of Dele Giwa, the execution of Mamman Vatsa and the failed kidnapping of Umaru Dikko.
3. How To Be A Nigerian by Anthony Enahoro
Published in 1996, this book is described as a guide for both Nigerians and foreigners on the conduct, demeanor, carriage, actions and misbehavior of the average Nigerian adult male and female. The author does this by turning a funny eye on the people around him and makes the whole thing even more hilarious by adding anecdotes and cartoons.
4. Oil, Politics and Violence by Max Siolllun
Published in 2009, the author traces the details of hopes and ambition gone wrong in Nigeria. It tells the story of how the hopes of Nigeria becoming Africa’s super power were dashed after gaining it’s independence from Britain by a succession of military authoritarian governments and military coups which went on from 1966 to 1999. It also shows how the different factions of the military were able to hold on to power and resist international pressure by exploiting the country’s oil wealth and ethnic divisions to its advantage.
5. Sozaboy by Ken Saro Wiwa
Published in 1985, this book tells the story of a young and naive boy, Mene, who joins the military during the Civil War for every foolish reasons. He believes it will make him an adult, get him the girl of his dreams (Agnes) and also earn him the respect of everyone back home in his village.
Not long after he joins, he realizes that he couldn’t have been more wrong.
6. Why We Struck by Adewale Ademoyega
Published in 1986, this book tells the story of the first military intervention in Nigerian politics in the form of the coup that took place on the 15th of January 1966.
This book is a captivating account of the most historical events in Nigeria because it is was written by the the last surviving member of the trio that planned and executed the coup, Major Ademoyega.
7. Sunset In Biafra by Elechi Amadi
Published in 1973, the author, Elechi Amadi, tells the story of how he resigned from the Nigerian army before the civil war began because he opposed the Biafran cause but still ended up getting caught in the cross fire.
8. A History Of Nigeria by Toyin Falola and Matthew Heaton
Published in 2008, this book offers a unique portrayal of Nigerians as a resilient people living in a country with great but untapped potential. It explains Nigeria’s recent troubles by exploration of its colonial and pre-colonial past and also, its journey from Independence to statehood.
9. Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe
Published in 1958, the book follows the life and times of Okonkwo, an Igbo leader and local wrestling champion in the fictional Nigerian village of Umuofia. It also chronicles the effects of British colonialism and Christian missionaries on the Igbo community.
10. Second Class Citizen by Buchi Emecheta
Published in 1983, this novel tells the story Adah, a strong independent woman who struggles to overcome the strict tribal domination of women at the time and moves her family to London. Seeking a new and easy life for herself and her children, she encounters brutal racism and the harsh truths that come with being a new citizen in a foreign country.
In a country where constant electricity and a standard healthcare system – some of the most basic amenities a normal society should have- are extreme, almost unattainable luxuries, you would think the Federal governmenmt would busy itself with trying to make the country at least bearable for its citizens.
But as Nigerians, this is what our leaders do when they are not launching questionable ‘anti-corruption’ books.
As if this isn’t shocking enough, the federal government recently complained about the state of social values during yet another anti-corruption themed event in Abuja last week.
Apparently, they believe gay people, ‘wearing of dreadlocks’, sagging and hair painting are having a negative impact on Nigeria’s social values.
Speaking at the event organised by the Muslim Media Practitioners of Nigeria, The Director-General of the National Orientation Agency, Dr. Garba Abari, said:
“It is pertinent to note that the advent of satellite broadcasting has continued to pose a serious challenge to our traditional culture and religious values and our identity as a people. Our youths are now being deceived by the international media with values that are at variance with our culture and the teachings of our religion.“The wearing of tattoos, dreadlocks hairstyle, sagging trousers and the painting of hair have become a vogue among our young men and women.“Our youths are now publicly clamoring for the legalization of gay marriage and are about to boldly take the campaign to the hallowed chambers of the National Assembly to press for it as a fundamental human right.”
But is that the work we sent them? Nigerians are expectedly angry and are raising the points:
Are gay people and locs the reason why Nigerians don’t have light at home?
Is fixing our problems instead of doing oversabi too much to ask of our government?
The government could start another oversabi ‘war against indiscipline’ because #NaTheWorkWeyDemDeyDo
At this point, one can only hope Nigeria gets the better leaders her hardworking citizens deserve soon enough.
1. Gerunds
It might sound like Gerard, but no, it’s not somebody’s name.
2. Subject-Verb Agreement aka Concord
If you don’t remember this, you should really hide your head in shame. This topic caused so much heartache in English Language exams. The struggle to understand concord and its many rules was real.
3. Monophthong, Diphthong and Triphthong
Probably the only “thongs” you remember now are the ones they wear abi? SMH! Shame! Shame on you! Monophthong, Diphthong and Triphthongs are the three different ways of producing vowel sounds. Remember now?
4. Phrases
Noun phrases, verb phrases, adjectival phrases; back then it seemed like every thing was a phrase.
5. Clauses
Clauses made us feel almost the same way phrases made us feel and were just as, if not more confusing than them.
6. Punctuation Marks
Judging by the nonsense way people write on Facebook and Twitter, I’m pretty sure punctuation was the first thing y’all forgot as soon as WAEC was over. Shebi?
7. Prepositions
When to use “in” and “on”, “under” and “beneath”; prepositions were hard to understand even when we were being taught, talk less of now.
8. Verbs and Adverbs
A verb is an action word or a doing wordAs learned in every Nigerian primary school
If this was you defining a verb in primary school, do like this:
9. Nouns and Pronouns
Name, name, name, name; this game helped us to remember what a noun is. But I’m pretty sure y’all have forgotten.
10. Comparative and Superlative
Just add “-er” or “-est” in some cases. In others, “more” and “most”. But do you even remember which goes when?
Never mind how your week is starting out; good, bad, somehow somehow, this is a selection of videos to keep you laughing through the pain. Feel free to use it to refresh your laughs at various points during the week. You’re welcome!
1. This one about all those friends that just know everybody.
