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  • Nigeria’s 2019 General elections are close, but what’s super close is the deadline to register to be eligible to vote.
    On the 6th of July 2018, the Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) said it’ll suspend the Continous Voter Registration (CVR) by 5pm, August 17. At the time of the announcement, the CVR was ending at 3pm, only on Mondays to Fridays. This timing clearly made it more difficult for working-class people to register.

    INEC listened to feedback, and later announced that from August 1st, CVR will happen till 5pm everyday of the week, including Saturdays and Sundays. Awesome.

    While this is great, it still doesn’t solve some fundamental problems with the process.

    We asked over 100 Nigerians currently living in at least 10 states in Nigeria, all scattered across every region. The problems appear to be the same.

    “I don’t even know where to register.”

    28.5% of the respondents say they don’t even know where to find registration centres in their area.
    This is despite the fact that tools already exist to make this process easier. INEC’s website has features like a PVC locator and a Voter Verification page. GoVote has a locator to help people find registration centres.
    We built GetYourPVC.com to help people walk through the entire registration process in 5 minutes.

    “Have you seen the queues?”

    “I’ve been there like 3 times,” Blessing said, “but every time I reach there at 6am, my number on the list will almost be at no. 200. I got tired and stopped going.”

    She’s not alone. Over 48% of the respondents say this is why they haven’t registered. The understaffed INEC centres take the hit, with officials transferring that frustration to people trying to register.
    “Someone came out and announced,” Bankole said, “We’re only registering 100 people today.” The crowd was way more.

    “They were collecting ₦2000 to register people.”

    That’s what Prince said. There have been allegations of INEC officials taking advantage of this overwhelming process, collecting bribes, and giving preferential treatment.

    But complaints like these, including the “they said the machines were bad” issues, only account for less than 3% of reasons people gave for not wanting to register.
    People we’ve spoken to have generally commended the INEC officials for sticking to their albeit cumbersome process, and refusing bribes.
    “In the INEC office I registered,” Samsideen said, “they were very strict and were sending away people wanting to break the process.”

    “What’s the point?”

    With almost a third of the people in the survey not believing in the electoral process, this might be an indication of a wider problem.

    Allegations of election malpractice from the 2015 general elections has bred mistrust. Reports of misconduct by INEC officials like this one in Taraba isn’t helping (INEC fixed this immediately). According to Taiwo Makanjuola, INEC’s Citizens Contact Center Manager, INEC has had a pretty good record in the past few years. “Since 2015, we’ve conducted elections in 182 constituencies, and only 2 have had issues at the Tribunal.” Apathy is not exactly a Nigerian problem. In the United States, almost half of eligible voters didn’t even show up in the 2016 elections Trump won.

    Updated poll numbers

    231,556,622 eligible voters 46.9% didn’t vote 25.6% voted for Clinton 25.5% voted for Trump 1.7% voted for Johnson — Josh Nelson (@soxmachine_josh) November 9, 2016 Bringing it back home, of the 67,422,005 registered voters, only 43.65% of them came through to vote in the 2015 elections.
    Even worse is the fact that the total votes cast in 2015 was about 10 million less than was cast in 2011. Still, Taiwo believes the turnout has been impressive. “Since April 27, 2017, when CVR started, about 11.4 million Nigerians have registered.” The inconveniences people are currently facing, he believes, is a consequence of the last minute rush. What this means, is that INEC didn’t properly prepare for this rush, inevitably cutting a significant amount of people off.

    This is just one poll.

    The observations on the other hand, are valid; a lot of people won’t be able to vote in February 2019, and it won’t be because they didn’t try.

    It’ll be because of the flaws that could have been avoided in a more efficient system.

    Have you registered?

    If you haven’t, visit getyourpvc.com and in 5 minutes, you’ll have a better understanding of what it is you need to do.

  • If you have Nigerian parents like mine, asking for money was most likely a grueling and almost terrifying task. You try to prepare and brace yourself ahead of time, but the where, when, why and how combo will always leave you stunned. Here’s a few of their excuses!

    As you’re there shivering, they’ll just be looking at you like…

    You think I have money growing in the backyard?

    Ah ahn, mummy. Only sometimes, now…

    What happened to the money I just gave you?

    When you’re hit with this question, confusion just sets in! Even if it has been three months since and they ask you, just pull out a pen and get ready to do some accounting. You’ve entered it.

    Eh ehn… With your grades?

    “Is it with D- in mathematics that you want to collect money? You can calculate money but not ordinary simple algebra??? My friend clear off!”

    “When you’re always pressing phone.”

    “Why won’t you need money when you are always pressing your phone?” Everything bad in life is because of the phone they bought for you, anyway.

    Haven’t you been eating in this house?

    But when did I start paying for food nah??? Even when asking for your own money, you have to be careful if you want to keep eating. Issa scam.

    What are you even using money for?

    Na wah o… Where do I even start?

    Go and meet your mother/father.

    Even when they know the other person isn’t around. Ugh!

    Why didn’t you tell me since?

    “And I just finished spending all the money I had o. Sorry.” Chei! But why?

    Come and sell me/turn me to money.

    Caution! Do not proceed!! Retreat!!!

    I don’t have.

    Cheee! This is the answer you meet at the final level. The painful boss. No chance to beg further, no progress, no explanation, just… no. You cannot argue with this, even if you see them with tons of money. Just accept your fate and go away. Slap is real.

    But last last sha, all is for home training and in good faith, because they struggle too. Shout out to our amazing folks!

  • Any Nigerian who lives in Nigeria knows that we are very special people with very peculiar characteristics. But even we were shocked by these things other Africans seem to believe about Nigerians.

    Ghanians really believe that we don’t have the best Jollof on the continent.

    Imagine the insult. Just look at this plate of Nigerian Jollof, how can you say it’s not the best.

    That we are all fraudsters and scammers.

    Just because of one or two yahoo boys we have scattered here and there. We are upstanding people, please.

    That all our leaders are corrupt and all they do is embezzle money.

    It’s not us that’ll dispute this one sha.

    There is oil coming out of everyone’s backyard.

    Even the one they said we have, we are yet to see the benefits.

    That most of Nigeria looks just like Lagos.

    We know you keep seeing pictures of this bridge in Lagos when you google Nigeria. Don’t let it mislead you this is not how the rest of the country looks.

    That there are only three ethnic groups in the whole country – Igbo, Hausa, Yoruba.

    There are a whole 250 ethnic groups, they don’t call us giant of Africa for nothing.

    We are always happy.

    No, we are not, epp us please, we are suffering.

    That our men are very romantic.

    Please don’t let Nollywood deceive you.

    We have the best music in Africa, even though they don’t understand our lyrics.

    We really can’t argue with this one, I mean we have Davido, Wizkid and Yemi Alade.

    We are very arrogant

    We might not have 24/7 electricity but I repeat, we have Wizkid, Davido and Yemi Alade why won’t our shoulders be up. Please don’t vex us.

    We are louder and flashier than the average African.

    We are very humble, again don’t let all these Nollywood movies deceive you.

    We know we have a couple of non-Nigerians on here. What other crazy things do you believe about us?

  • The most-beloved Premier League is back!

    I would have said the UEFA Champions League, but a lot of you don’t make it that far hehe.

    This is you as soon as the Premier League season ends

    Even though there are like ten other competitions in the year. It is never enough.

    For the one month between the end of the World Cup and the start of the Premier League, this is how you look

    “What shall I do with my life now?”

    You’ll just be playing FIFA anyhow and telling yourself that “at least it’s football.”

    Even though you’re actually wack and will probably just get frustrated as your friend whoops you over and over.

    When you check the calendar

    This is what the days look like to you. “Na wah o, this month is slow o.” Even though it’s already the second day of the month.

    When you have to pay your family and friends attention because, nothing else to do.

    Only to realise that they haven’t forgiven you yet for choosing football over them.

    That’s when you will discover your hidden talents.

    I bet you didn’t know you could bake, huh?

    This is you ordering your team’s new jersey even though you’ve been claiming broke to your family and girlfriend for weeks.

    LOL let’s be honest, this isn’t you. You’re going to wash that your old jersey from two seasons ago, and you don’t have a girlfriend.

    When one whole week of no football passes, then God blesses you with a few games.

    International Champions Cup… well, close enough to Premier League.

    But then you remember that you now have to pay for Cable regularly.

    “Chimoooo! Almost twenty thaaasand!”

    But no matter what it costs, no matter what it takes, you’ll be here to cheer your favourite team

    Because what is true love without sacrifice?

    So Premier League lovers, what other emotions have you experienced since the World Cup ended? How excited are you for the next season? Rep your club!

  • Even though Nigerians are usually always trolling Ghanaians on social media, deep down we actually love them and their food.

    Here’s a few dee-lee-cious Ghanaian foods that you as a Nigerian is sure to love.

    Waakye And Shito

    https://www.instagram.com/p/Bepc8ZvgBzn/
    Waakye (pronounced wa-chayy) is an absolutely delicious Ghanaian dish of rice and beans. When served with the Shito sauce, your Nigerian mind will be blown, and you will shamelessly ask for more.

    Banku And Tilapia

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BlvlKUHHzGe/
    Banku is a lot like fufu, made by fermenting corn flour. It can be eaten with different soups and stews, but when paired with Ghana’s much-loved tilapia fish, shito and vegetables… Now that’s a match made in culinary heaven!

    Fufu And Light Soup

    https://www.instagram.com/p/Bi_PwaZhjmr/
    Ghanaian Fufu is commonly made by “pounding” cassava and unripe plantains together. When paired with Light Soup, you just know it’s about to go down! Light Soup is a really tasty tomato based soup that can be made with chicken, goat, or pretty much any other meat.

    Palava Sauce

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BT1eyNaAWk3/
    This picture is enough to convince you to try this. Palava Sauce is a delicacy made with meats, fish, vegetables and crushed bitter lemon seeds. Basically Ghana’s version of the Nigerian egusi and I gotta say… This bangs! Pair it with whatever you want and enjoy your life.

    Abenkwan Palm Nut Soup

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BQ9zjdHDgMd/
    Abenkwan Palm Nut Soup is a rich and totally delicious soup made with fresh palm nuts. If you’ve ever tried Banga soup, well… This is Banga’s twin that went to Ghana and started thriving. Too delicious. Pair it with your favourite swallow and chop like king!

    Kenkey

    https://www.instagram.com/p/BfEWE2kFe8Z
    Kenkey is one staple Ghanaian dish you’ll be unable to get enough of. It’s usually made out of ground maize, wrapped in banana leaves and boiled. Kind of like moi-moi, if you are a moi-moi lover this just might replace moi-moi’s place in your heart.

    In case you needed a little more motivation to try out any of these dishes, just watch this video of Waakye being made. Any Ghanaians on here? Did we leave any one out? Let us know!

  • Nigeria is a country blessed with an extraordinarily diverse set of people. Our politicians are a different breed of their own.

    Let’s talk about of the distinct types of politicians in Nigeria.

    The first type of politicians are the calm ones, believe it or not, some of them fall under this category.

    Whatever the situation, they remain calm.

    Then we have the CEOs of trouble making.

    From jumping fence to tearing cloth, these ones can scatter anywhere.

    You know those types of people who can lie their way out of every situation?

    No comment.

    There’s the special ones who have Ph.Ds in dancing.

    They play a very vital role in the Nigerian politics.

    Let’s not forget the ones who have refused to fully retire.

    Help us beg these baby boys o. It’s okay.

    This category is for the ones who grace us with their beautiful grammar once in a while.

    Higi Haga. Crinkum Crankum.

    The ones who are always in the news for one drama or the other.

    We know the people we’ll send to Big Brother next year.

    What of the ones that change party like SIM cards?

    Home is where the power is.

    There are the ones that are just doing House of Cards with Nigeria

    Will the real Frank Underwood please stand up?

    What about the ones who do everything but their job?

    Is that why we’re here?

    Is this list even complete without the Keyboard Warriors?

    Lion on the Internet, but meow-meow when it’s time to solve our problems.

    Finally, we have the ones who are ready to change Nigeria.

    We’re still waiting for the change sha.

    So if you’re tired of all this nonsense, perhaps the first step is to:

    Make your voice heard. Visit getyourpvc.com and learn how to register to get your PVC ASAP.

    What type of politician did we miss out on? Tell us in the comments below or tweet us @zikokomag!

  • The General elections are coming in February 2019, but we know the only way to make our voices count, is to vote.

    And the only we way to vote is to get a Permanent Voter’s Card (PVC).

    We know how to get PVCs, but we thought, wouldn’t it be awesome to actually show everyone how our PVC experiences went?

    “Hey guys, if you don’t have a PVC, don’t come to the office. Register to get your PVCs, and work remotely.”

    That’s Tomiwa, our Captain and Chief Patriot. He already had his, so he just Situation Roomed us from the office. A bunch of people on the team were on the hustle; Bankole, Toketemu, Folarin, Sade, Lanre, Sudeen. So, how did the exercise go?

    Time: 8:36am

    Sudeen: “I’m at the INEC Office already. Got here before 8am sharp. My number is 96. This is Sudeen, reporting from INEC office in Iyana Ipaja, Lagos.” Sade: Jesus. I guess I’m screwed. Tomiwa Aladekomo: Content people, why is Sudeen, our Finance Manager outshining you in documentation of your experiences? Where’s everyone else? Still in bed? Toketemu: We’re on our way!

    What’s your struggle?

    Fu’ad: I registered in Rivers State in 2011 and I’m not sure if I threw away my TVC or lost it. Apparently, I need to go and print my INEC details online first. So I’m somewhere trying to get it printed now. And I’m in Surulere. Toketemu: Folarin and I are lost here. False stop. Fu’ad: Lmao. I was there about an hour ago. There’s a designated INEC LGA office. It’s in Small London. (You can check the INEC office address in your LGA here.)

    Time: 11.40am

    Toketemu: This is Toke reporting live from Small London. For the record, Folarin and I walked from Masha to Small London. True patriotism right here. Sade: Almost at Small London too. Tomiwa: How’s it going? Toketemu: There are about three lists and our names are on the third list but the officials are almost halfway through the first. The crowd doesn’t seem large, but apparently, there’s about 170 people on the lists. They’re on number 46 now. And they close at 3pm. (INEC announced new timelines for registration) Toketemu: Officers in uniform get preferential treatment. Ayoola: Elderly people too.

    Time: 12:10pm.

    Sudeen: It’s my turn now. I got my form now, about 4 hours later. Those of us with TVCs have different forms. They’ve been following the process since, not taking bribes. Fu’ad: The process is a little broken. There’s a Telemundo element to my situation. I have no TVC, but I have my Voter Identification Number. To get a new TVC, I have to go to the Local Government I registered, but then I want to transfer. And I need a TVC to transfer. So, I’m just going to go back to INEC and cry. Toketemu: Still here, waiting. They are still on the first list. This isn’t looking very likely. Sudeen: Hey Fu’ad, don’t worry, it’s easy. Just go to the INEC website. As long as you’ve registered before, all you need to find your V.I.N is the state where you registered and your Date of Birth. Tomiwa: I never changed my voting location, meaning that I spend every Election Day in the first place I registered, my parent’s. If there are easier locations to register in, might make sense to just hang with a friend or something on Election Day and use one of those. Lanre: My case seems slightly easy. Lost my PVC so I simply need to do a printout of my previous PVC registration. And then get a police report and affidavit. Bankole: Why is everyone in Lekki trying to register at the same goddamn place? Makes no sense. Lanre: It’s the only location in Eti-Osa Local Government.

    Time: 1:43pm

    Sudeen: I’m done. I managed to get my wife to come along. Another girl came here, she’ll be 18 next week. They told her to come back only after she’s clocked 18. She also has to come back with her birth certificate. Toketemu: It’s a bust here, told us to come back tomorrow morning the only chance you have is to come first thing in the morning. Then we thought if we got our names on the list today we’ll be attended to first in the morning but apparently, the rule here is new day new list. The process is way slower than I thought.

    Time: 2.29pm

    Fu’ad: Come back by the end of the year to get your PVC Bankole: Hustle Toketemu: Oh wow Tomiwa: Nice. Did they give you the TVC as well? Fu’ad: I have no need for it. My Voter information is online (without the photo). I printed it and gave them. This slip is all I need to show up with year-end to collect my PVC, according to the INEC official here. I noticed it’s a very “Internet-friendly” process here. People who are transferring and don’t need new TVCs can just go online. But then again, maybe that’s my INEC place. Bankole: THAT IS NOT WHAT HAPPENED AT MY PLACE. They acted like they were doing people a favour. I mean, these people were like “we’ll attend to only 100 people today” Fu’ad: Well, maybe that’s the number they might have the range for? I think it’s a general design problem with the process, and the people at the INEC office doing the registering are on the receiving end. I went in the morning and they were polite. I went in the afternoon, and they were cranky. Tomiwa: I’m surprised Internet Cafe businesses haven’t sprung up to help people with this. Guess people don’t want to pay money to vote. Bankole: They shouldn’t. And if you’re having obvious capacity problems, like only one registration point for a bigass LGA like Eti Osa, shouldn’t more be opened? Tomiwa: Sudeen and his family are the winners of today’s sprint. Where’s Pepo and Eniola though?

    Eniola:

    The most important hacks you need to know: Find the closest INEC office to you and go there early, before 8am preferably. Go with valid documents if need be, Most importantly, for a more detailed walkthrough, visit getyourpvc.com, and in 5 minutes, it’s totally okay if you call yourself a PVC expert.

    If you’ve already registered to get your PVC, tell us, how did your experience go?

  • If you prowl these Nigerian Internet streets like I do, or even just watch TV, you’ve probably heard about/seen Lara And The Beat.

    Here’s the trailer!

    Personally, from the trailer alone, I really want to watch this.

    I mean, I have a few questions…

    Why so beautiful

    Seyi Shay and Vector Tha Viper star in this movie. These are two of our music industry’s most attractive people right now, so ONE TICKET PLEASE! Like, everyone in the cast is gorgeous!

    Apart from Vector making our hearts go gbim-gbim in this movie, I have another question:

    He can act??? Wawuu… I hope I’ll even be able to focus on the movie and not his smile or his- *clears throat*

    It’s really looks like a beautiful, dreamy story

    Did you see those outfits and locations, lighting and the beautiful faces?! Even the storyline seems like one of those type stories that leaves you wishfully smiling all through.

    Chinedu Ikedieze

    I will watch anything that Chinedu Ikedieze acts in, plain and simple. Plus, that slap!

    What the hell was that song that Seyi Shay was singing loool?

    This is like the most important question to me, to be honest. Whattt???

    The quality looks really good!

    From the shots and a cast of powerhouses like Chioma Akoptha, Uche Jombo, Chinedu Ikedieze, Wale Ojo and so many more, at least I know that I will get quality!

    This is a very feel-good movie but it doesn’t feel dead. Might there be something to learn here?

    Anyhow sha, it’s the weekend, so let me go and check out what’s really going on with Ms. Lara Giwa.
    Who’s going to see Lara And The Beat? Let me know what you guys think about it!
  • Nobody is more disrespected in Nigeria than a housewife, and we’ve picked today to fight for them. If you are guilty of telling housewives any of these thirteen things, we are warning you now, better stop it.

    “Why are you always tired? What do you even do all day that you are tired”

    Oh, I don’t know only cook, clean and raise the kids. Small thing.

    “So you just seat at home from morning till night, you are enjoying o”

    If you don’t know what you are talking about, why won’t you just keep quiet ehn?

    “So you mean you don’t work? Your husband must be really taking care of you o”

    Yeah and I’m taking care of him and our kids too, so why don’t you mind your business.

    “But what you are doing is not even hard now”

    Why don’t you come and give it a shot first, you are just running your mouth.

    “Oh you are bored? Tell your husband to open shop for you now”

    I have a first degree and two masters, owning a shop isn’t my only option.

    “I wish I was like you, so so enjoyment”

    But what’s stopping you from being like me. Did I hold you?

    “Why are you complaining about being a housewife, is your husband not taking care of you?”

    Is that what I complained about?

    “You don’t know how lucky you are that you don’t have to work”

    Yes because it’s just play I’m playing as I’m at home.

    “Don’t you want to get yourself a ‘real’ job?”

    You that you have a ‘real job’ why do you still have time to monitor other people.

    “So when are you going back to work?”

    When are you going to start minding your business?

    “But your kids go to school now, what do you now do all day?”

    Listen to your silly questions apparently.

    “You should find something to do with all this your free time”

    But is it your own free time?

    “Me, I could never be a housewife sha”

    But who asked you?

    Are you a Nigerian housewife? What’s the most annoying statement you’ve ever heard? Let’s know in the comments below.

  • According to Nollywood, Nigerian wives are beautiful and diverse creatures, but they must fit into one of these categories.

    Because, you know, Nollywood is the ultimate guide.

    The lazy wife.

    The ones that will hide pots and plates so they won’t have to wash them.

    The nagging wife.

    Ehn! These ones will use talk and complaints to kill you.

    The prayer warrior.

    Mama routinely fires demons back to hell on behalf of the entire family.

    The troublemaker.

    Anywhere, anytime, these ones are ready to fight you, verbally or physically.

    The long-suffering wife.

    Superwoman! Champion! These ones are ride or die, even through the most impossible situations.

    The barren wife.

    “Ordinary small baby, these ones can’t create. Why are you even a woman?” – Every Annoying Nollywood Character, ever.

    The wayward wife.

    These ones have joined bad gang.

    The evil wife.

    It is witchcraft that is usually doing these ones. If you are looking for your child, check their houses.

    The rich/spoiled wife.

    Apparently, it is too much money that makes these wives behave anyhow. If you annoy them too much, they will just call daddy.

    The illiterate wife.

    “Wawu! Machine that can wash cloth?” They usually bring these ones from the village.
    What stereotypical Nigerian wife did we miss? Comment below, or tweet us @zikokomag!