When a lot of people recall childhood beatings, it’s often with a hint of wry humour and I’m usually just blown, like
Excuse me, what about getting beaten is funny?
Your dad or mom had you hospitalized and left a permanent scar on you and you’re laughing almost fondly? What in the Stockholm Syndrome is this?
I often find that the longer people tell these stories, the humour fades and their true feelings of the events are exposed – whatever they may be.
Admittedly, if I were asked to recount such tales, I’d probably laugh in the process of telling it as well. Well, that just might be because I’m damaged. Who knows?
Corporal punishments or what we call beating, is tightly woven into the average Nigerian or African’s correctional culture.
It starts at home with parents, aunts or uncles and older siblings, and extends to school and sometimes even religious institutions.
In fact, it’s not the strangest thing to see a man or woman “discipline” a complete stranger’s child for some wrongdoing or other.
They say it takes a village to raise a child and this village believes in the supposed effectiveness of beatings. However, with all the beatings and supposed discipline, crime and immorality are still rife in the society.
A lot of people will argue that beatings didn’t leave any lasting mental scars, that they’re actually better for it.
These same people look forward to beating their children for not much other reason than ‘well, it was done to me and I turned out well’.
That might be true, but you could definitely have turned out a whole lot better. In an environment that often disregards mental health, it would be hard for you to even tell the signs.
Damaged people damage people.
There are many detrimental effects of corporal punishment.
If you were beaten as a child, it’s okay to admit that you are damaged. It makes it easier to notice the signs and break the cycle.
Unless you have the very spawn of the devil as a child (which is very unlikely) there’s no way he/she won’t be able to discern right from wrong, especially if broken down and properly communicated to them.
It doesn’t have to be etched on their bodies through beatings. In contrast to what parents are trying to achieve, the child most often only learns to fear punishment, rather than understand why he should follow rules. They become sneaky and learn to hide bad behaviour well, because of the fear of punishment.
AKA “wrong is what gets you punished; right is what gets you praise or avoids punishment.” Morally upright, indeed. See this.
Beatings don’t teach your child to behave properly. A child who gets beaten for fighting a sibling won’t magically learn how to get along better in future.
Parents are in fact just sending a confusing message by doing exactly what they’re trying to get the children to not do. Children do what parents do, more than what they say. Effective discipline should always teach new skills, and parents are responsible for the child they raised.
Parents often lose it and react, and in the process don’t teach anything other than that their child should be afraid of them. Parents who use corporal punishment often react out of desperation before they really consider the underlying reason.
The child just gets beaten without fully understanding what they did wrong, simply learning that their parents don’t like it and not to do it again… and get caught.
Parents who employ corporal punishment as a discipline tool are simply training their kids to resent them.
Beatings damage your child’s self-esteem, their ability to interact properly with others, their view of the world and their view of how they deserve to be treated!
Beatings push your children away from you, and they become vulnerable to picking up vices from strangers. They also perfect bad habits such as lying. Why make your child grow up traumatised?
Punishment isn’t the only facet of discipline! In fact, if your discipline consists of just negative consequences, it isn’t very effective.
Some parents, when asked why they beat their children, will say out of frustration “I don’t know what else to do.” How would you feel if you were meted out that same punishment by a spouse or loved one with the excuse of them not knowing how else to let you know you’d made a mistake? That would be termed ‘Emotional Pain and Suffering’ for an adult, so why do we believe children don’t have the same feelings that adults do?
The screaming that comes from a young child being beaten is not so much the result of physical trauma as it is emotional trauma. They experience the overwhelming emotional pain of rejection, worthlessness, and the betrayal is usually much worse than any physical pain.
So, is #StopBeatingChildren a relevant movement in the Nigerian society? Yes.
We need to recognize beatings for what they are – abuse. We need to break the cycle of abusing our children because we were abused.
There are other equally effective methods of disciplining a child without physical (or verbal) abuse.
Parents can try, for one, actually talking to the kids like they’re human beings with brains. They should also try educating them as patiently as possible about the dangers or implications of their bad behaviour.
Ignore them, ground them, take away something they love, clearly express your disapproval and lecture them if need be, just do anything but abuse them.
The mental scars you inflict on them will last longer than any lesson you’d like them to learn.
What are your thoughts on using corporal punishment as a discipline tool?
With influences from North African, French, and Portuguese cuisine as well as from the nation’s many ethnic groups, Senegalese cuisine is delightfully unique to experience! Here are a few dishes your Nigerian palette will absolutely fall in love with.
1. Chicken Yassa
Yassa is made of chicken pieces that are marinated in onions, lime juice, vinegar and peanut oil then grilled before being cooked over low heat in its marinade. When served with white rice, this makes for an unforgettable flavorful dish.
2. Mafe
Mafe is a very delicious traditional Senegalese food. It’s made of meats or fish cooked in groundnut paste, then served with white rice. Totally yummy.
3. Caldou
I’m a huge fish lover, so for me, Caldou is an A+ dish. It’s made of fish cooked in palm oil, then is served with white rice and a lime sauce. Just thinking about this is making me hungry.
4. Thierre bassi salte
Basse Salte is a delicacy made from seasoned meats or fish cooked in tomato paste and vegetables. Served with the local couscous, you’re going to be begging for more.
5. Lakhou Bissap
Lakhou Bissap is a very interesting Senegalese dish that you should definitely try. It is made of semolina and meat or fish and has the consistency of a soup.
6. Salatu Niebe
This! Salatu niebe is a wonderful and colourful black-eyed pea salad. Made with tomatoes, cucumbers, parsley and a host of other vegetables, this is very delicious, take it from me.
7. Firire
Firire is fried fish and onion sauce that can be served with bread, fries, salads and so much more. It is truly delicious.
8. Soupou Kandja
Soupou Kandja is an okra sauce made with loads of meats and palm oil. When accompanied with rice, this is a match made in heaven.
9. Check out this recipe for Chicken Yassa
https://youtu.be/uIVyIpTgV_U
What other Senegalese dishes would y’all recommend?
Somewhere in Nigeria, a group of men are currently updating their list on how to beautifully ruin someone’s life with their charm.
As they are updating that list, they are finding new ways to end one relationship with someone else.
It could be you sis, or me. Actually maybe both of us.
But don’t worry, I cracked the code so we can end this nonsense once and for all.
So far, my investigation has shown the multiple ways a Yoruba Demon can break up with you.
Now you can protect yourself. And if you’re lucky enough to see any of these signs before the set time, just run!
The first thing I figured out is this: once you start hearing “it’s not you, it’s me”, please just agree, it’s him.
Just leave him and let him date himself.
According to the Book of Yoruba Demons chapter 7 vs 23, in some cases he actually loves you, but…
…you’re too good for him.
”Baby, my pastor called me after church and told me we have to end it. He said you’re not the one for me”.
But wait, Tobi you don’t even go to church.
Once he starts fighting over every little thing, that’s the beginning of the end.
“But why can’t you just fold the toilet roll when you finish using it? Ha!”
“Sorry, the number you’ve dialed does not exist, please check the number and dial again.”
Once you hear this more than 4 times, I’m sorry sis.
Or you try to DM him on Instagram and as soon as you open Instagram you see a picture of his new babe.
“No no no my eyes are deceiving me. I’ve actually needed glasses for a while now.”
Or in most cases you don’t even get the opportunity to see his babe, because he has blocked you.
At least what you don’t know won’t kill you.
While you’re still in doubt, you head over to his house and that gateman you used to give 50 naira everyday comes out and says…
…ha aunty, sorry o. Oga said I should not open the gate for you.
The grandmaster of all their break up strategies. I don’t know if you’re ready for this one.
“Please just say it, you’ve already started the damage anyway. What could be worse?”
He sends you a wedding invitation.
“She has fainted o! Sister wake up, wake up! Bring water o!”
If you’ve never experienced any of these, I hope you don’t.
And if you have, please tell us your experiences. Let’s be ready.
We were doing some research and to our surprise, APC and PDP are not the only registered political parties in Nigeria. According to INEC, there are actually 68 registered political parties! We are pretty sure you’ve never heard of these ones.
All Blending Party (ABP)
From the name, you’ll already know these ones came to play. What does All Blending Party mean?
Abundant Nigeria Renewal Party (ANRP)
Is this a political party logo or the logo for a Yahoo boy’s side hustle?
All Democratic Peoples Movement (ADPM)
I like how they’ve already packed themselves inside bus. They better keep driving until they reach Cotonou, because we don’t want them here.
Citizens Popular Party (CPP)
These ones had the liver to put ‘popular’ in their party’s name. Why tell such lies?
Freedom and Justice Party (FJP)
‘Freedom and Justice’, as if any Nigerian politician knows the meaning of those words.
Green Party of Nigeria (GPN)
I like how there’s a hand telling us ‘your father’ in their logo. At least they are straightforward.
Independent Democrats (ID)
If we put all Nigerian politicians together in a room we are pretty sure none of them can spell ‘Independents’ or ‘Democrats’ but there is a political party called Independent Democrats?
Justice Must Prevail Party (JMPP)
Is there anywhere in this country that justice prevails?
Masses Movement of Nigeria (MMN)
These ones what to use ‘we the people, for the people’ to deceive us. Stay woke, they are all the same.
National Conscience Party (NCP)
I’m pretty sure we all know that if there’s one thing all Nigerian politicians lack, it’s conscience.
New Generation Party of Nigeria (NGP)
Just look at these wicked people that don’t want us to progress as a country. How can they use hand fan as their logo? So they are praying for us to never have light?
National Rescue Movement (NRM)
It took a bit to convince me this is a political party. What’s the bee doing there, please?
Re-build Nigeria Party (RBNP)
Please, there is nothing to rebuild we need to start from scratch. We have to lay foundation again.
Socialist Party of Nigeria (SPN)
So there are people who are socialists in this country?
Young Progressive Party (YPP)
So there is a Young Progressive Party in this country and Buhari is still president. Wawu.
East African food might be entirely new to the Nigerian palette, but I can assure you that you’re going to love these Kenyan dishes!
1. Ugali na Sukuma Wiki
The most popular Kenyan food, Ugali is a staple. It is made from cornmeal that is added to boiling water and stirred until it forms into a cake. When accompanied with beef, mushroom, fish sauce or sukuma wiki (green vegetable soup), this is one meal you’d like to try again.
2. Irio
Irio is a delicious local dish made of potatoes, peas, green vegetables and sometimes corn, that is boiled and then mashed. It is sometimes served with grilled steak called nyama choma. The combination is called Nyama na Irio. Irio can also be served with other Kenyan-style stews.
3. Githeri
Githeri is a delicious combination of beans, corn, beef, beef stock, potatoes and vegetables that are cooked in tomato sauce. It is usually served with either white bread or Swahili chapati. Chapati is Kenyans’ favourite bread, made with white flour, salt and oil.
4. Pilau
Pilau is rice flavoured with spices cooked in stock meat, chicken, fish or most especially, goat meat. Kinda like jollof rice. Totally delicious.
5. Matoke
Another Kenyan staple, Matoke is a delicious dish of plantain bananas that are cooked with some oil, tomatoes, onions, garlic, chilies, meat and lemon juice. The plantain bananas are cooked until very soft and it begins to form a thick, delicious sauce.
6. Maharagwe
Maharagwe is a sweet stew made up of red kidney beans cooked in coconut milk and spices. The coconut milk gives it a thick, buttery consistency and it is just perfect with some Chapati.
7. Nyama Choma
Nyama Choma is a delicacy of beef or goat roasted until very tender. Fish and chicken are also used. The meat is usually seasoned with salt and left to cook in its own juices, and it can be served with plain rice.
It’s ram season again!
I’m not saying that it’s the highlight of this season o, but you know… Ram is delicious, man.
The festive period is when everybody’s true colours come out, and Eid al-Adha issa real eye-opener.
You Muslims are casted and you don’t even know. Let me tell you how you guys behave when Sallah comes around.
Those of you that only go to mosque on Sallah but will still be prouding.
Last last God is watching us all in 3D.
Then there are those of you that have been only been waiting for this day just so you can show up and show out!
Pepper dem!
For some of you, this season means nothing but frustration.
“What do you mean ram is now 90k? Was it not just two days ago that I came here and you were selling for 65k?!”
Then there are those that this is their only interest.
Because it means you can run home from the mosque and kill your own ram. Food is life tbh.
Some of you catch the festive bug and are fully prepared to turn up!
Y’all are the real MVPs tbh.
And of course, there are those of you that will ghost on guys because of meat.
“Just call me when you dey my street” but two days later, your number is still switched off.
At least there are the people that will still share meat even if they don’t throw a party.
We appreciate you joor, because where else we for see meat? Your groundnut oil won’t finish.
Or is it the ones that think flight tickets are only available during Sallah?
Every Eid you’re “out of town”? Wawu.
Finally, we have those sure Muslim friends that even if they don’t have meat to give you, will still point you in the right direction.
“You smart. You loyal. I appreciate that.”
If you guys don’t want me to finish casting all your secrets, you’d better send some ram meat my way.
A word is enough o!
Eid Mubarak, brothers and sisters! Love and blessings!
A lot of people think going to a private university in Nigeria is an easier path to higher education, but it’s really not. While the private university struggles might be different from public universities, they are just as annoying.
Look at these.
When people tell me how ‘lucky’ I am to be going to a private university.
Daily devotion
First of all, you don’t have to wake up everyday at 5am to the blaring noise of a public announcement system and the grating voice of ‘Sister Jane’ shouting at you to “come out for morning devotion!” Don’t angry me.
Church
But of course you still have to go to church like 4 times a week. When you’re not the child of the devil and you don’t want a demerit.
Demerits
Any small thing, the enemies of progress will just be writing your name like… And if you lose enough demerit points, you go on suspension o. There are more possible ‘crimes’ than points sef.
Lights out
Before I entered university, I thought this was just a secondary school stoffs. I was wrong.
Beard gang?
What’s that? My brother you better go and trim your hair and beard low before they wipe it like magic for you.
Monitoring spirits
I also thought monitoring spirits existed just in the supernatural, but this school has shown me that they walk freely among us, bearing titles such as ‘porter’ and ‘security’.
Accidental wardrobe malfunction?
“Give her a demerit! And one for you, and for you…” Could this be life?
Stabbing class
Wanna stab class? You can’t. Don’t even think about it, if you no wan chop punishment.
Parties
The party might have been over before your exeat even comes through. Waste.
Watching your friends flex
This is how you look at your friends’ social media after they’ve finished posting about the mad party that you couldn’t get exeat for.
And finally…
How you look in wonder at all the freedom and life that is outside your school walls when you go home on break.
Uncle Yemi Osinbajo has done it again. This time, he has shown out for guys about the dreadful SARS situation.
Why does it seem like whenever Baba Bubs goes on one of his frequent medical trips, things just seem to work a little better? Somebody help me say political gimmicks good governance.
On Tuesday August 14, the Acting President aka Uncle Yemi gave directives to the Inspector General of Police, Ibrahim Idris to overhaul the Special Anti-Robbery Squad (SARS).
We were shook!
Especially because all our complaints had always been brushed off as false or exaggerated.
— Abayomi Shogunle, 𝘧𝘴𝘪 (@YomiShogunle) July 26, 2018
Just a few weeks ago, Assistant Commissioner of Police, Yomi Shogunle still trolled Nigerians with this irresponsible tweet. He should better switch careers if he wants to be making silly jokes online.
Oh, you remember SARS, the police unit that was so infamous for their abuse of power and Nigerian citizens, we had to write you a survival guide?
This is just one of the many, many videos people have used to back their complaints. Let’s not even go into pictures and narratives. But we’re all lying, hey. The #EndSARS movement has been going for at least two years! Nonstop police brutality for two years.
While we’re overjoyed that our pleas and relentless #EndSARS campaign finally made some headway, we still have some doubts.
Way too many people have been unlawfully killed, jailed and extorted for us to just accept it, and things are often not what they seem in Nigeria. Gotta stay woke.
First of all, it is important to note that this overhaul doesn’t mean the police department is going to be scrapped.
This overhaul is more like a reform. In summary, the state SARS will be broken down and the officers reassigned to the already existing Federal SARS (there will only be FSARS). I know what you’re thinking, but chill. We are told that this is only going to be after investigations into the existing abuse allegations have been done, as well as mental evaluations and retraining.
Again, I know what you’re thinking, because even the Federal SARS people abuse the citizens.
The new FSARS is to be strictly intelligence-driven and their duties are to be restricted to the prevention and detection of armed robbery, kidnapping, and apprehension of offenders related to the stated offences. Nothing else.
At least that’s what they’re telling us. Me I’m only a reporter.
How are the illegal arrests going to stop, you ask?
Well, the new FSARS officers are now mandated to go about bearing proper identities. They will have a ‘new’ uniform so there will be no more random black-polo-clad-hoodlum-looking-ass-niggas jumping out of unmarked space buses. At least this will curb the possibility of the officers being impersonated by armed robbers and such. Also, THEY ARE NO LONGER AUTHORISED TO STOP AND SEARCH! Let’s forget the fact that I still saw the same SARS doing that just yesterday.
What can we do if we still get harassed?
Call the police lol. Honestly, I don’t have an answer for this. This is a commendable move on Uncle Yemi’s part, but we worry about the enforcement and implementation. Hopefully, this is not just another one of those reforms that don’t change anything at the end of the day.
And if you’re like me that is happy about this development but still believes this is just pre-election gra-gra and doesn’t trust anything this government does, I hope you’ve gotten your PVC o!
If you haven’t, there are two more weeks for you to register. Hurry! If you need any help, we gatchu!
On behalf of all the Urhobo people in Nigeria, I’d like to make an appeal to our fellow Nigerians. For the love of God, stop telling us these things.
Please please stop.
“So you are Urhobo? I had a friend in primary two who was Urhobo, his name was Akpos.”
So what am I supposed to do with this information?
“You are Urhobo? Oghene-what is your name?”
Not all Urhobo names have Oghene in it please.
“Niger-Delta abi? You people are enjoying the oil money o.”
Yes, this is what we are enjoying.
“Your pidgin must be fire.”
Yes it is, but I refused to be stereotyped.
“Are you from Warri?”
It’s like you people think Warri is the only town in Delta state sha.
“Oya say something in that your funny language.”
Don’t let me catch you on the streets. Ekpa.
“Please what’s the difference between you and Igbo people?”
Please don’t ask me stupid questions, go and ask your secondary school geography teacher.
“Urhobo? Abeg which one is that again? Tribes too plenty for this Nigeria.”
It’s like stupid people are plenty too.
“Ah so you people are the ones who gave us Goodluck Jonathan abi?”
He’s from Bayelsa and no we are not all the same. Evwe.
“Why do you people always have strange and long names?”
You name is ‘Powermustchangehands’ but you are here talking. Orhue.
“Please where is Delta again?”
You didn’t go to school abi?
“Shebi you know how to make Banga, when will you make for me”
Yes, I can and no I won’t because you clearly don’t deserve it.
“It’s you people that eat the starch meant for clothes abi?”
Just look at how you are displaying your ignorance shamelessly.
“You people are militants”
Yes now, every one of us in the whole of Delta, we are all militants.
“Urhobo wayooooo, areaaaaaa”
Say that one more time.
“Oya tell me a joke, shebi all of you are comedians”
Akpororo can you see what you’ve caused?
Are you from a minority tribe? What stereotypes are you sick and tired of hearing from other Nigerians?
For all I know, the “being left-handed is bad” gist might just be an olden days version of those yeye Whatsapp broadcast messages that Nigerian parents always believe.
If you want a Nigerian parent to believe something, just send it to them as a WhatsApp BC.
If you ask them who told them now, they’ll say it’s their great-aunt that told their grandmother’s cousin who told them.
I suffered a lot as a leftie, chai! I think my first official struggle was when they squeezed bitter leaf all over my left hand so I would suck on only the right.
When that one did not work, my people now followed bad advice and decided to bandage my left hand. Bandage o, imagine.
All because one woman opened her big mouth to tell them that it’s how she stopped her child from being a leftie.
My people tried all they could, but my left hand was just looking at them like:
Sha sha I learned my lesson eventually, and started rebelling small small.
One time, my uncle visited and as I was pouring juice for him he goes “my friend, will you use your right hand!”
I just continued filling the glass with my earpiece plugged in like:
When I finished he repeated, “I said don’t use your left hand!” Me, I was like:
My father just carried face from both of us. Master of unlooking.
Even in church, there was no peace. Sunday school teachers would be arguing on top my head and I’d just be there like:
One of them even had the mind to say “it’s a sin.”
Thank God for another teacher that saved me from the false prophet and opened Judges 3 vs 15 for us to read.
Defense from Baba God himself??? I just wrote down the verse and taped it to my door for anybody that wanted to form they knew more than God.
When I entered secondary school and started hearing “left handed people are meant to be smarter” I’d just look look at them like:
Fast forward to SS3 when I started having full-blown wings, supported by breasts.
I was just changing it for anybody that had anything negative to say about me being a leftie anyhow.
From pepper seller, to relative, to gateman, I was ready for EVERYBODY!
The first person that chopped my vex was one aunty that came to my house and started doing face, saying she was hungry.
Me, I even formed good girl and started serving her rice. Unfortunately for her, one evil spirit told her to she start shouting “who are you giving food with that left hand?”
Jah Jehovah, I just poured my rice back, locked the kitchen, and went to sleep. Aunty was there like:
They sha held family meeting on my head the next day because they didn’t have work, but wetin concern me?
The one that even chooked me was the cab man that refused to collect his money because I gave him with my left.
I just threw the money at him and walked away laughing and shaking my bum-bum. He was just there angrily shouting:
These days, I’ve started taking “you use your left?” as a call to war and my response is always:
Minus the annoying Nigerians, the left hand itself comes with its own wahala.
When I’m trying to open a car door or flush the toilet and I’m just there like:
Me, trying to wear a dress with the zipper on the left side:
When I’m trying to give a driver directions and I’m there trying to remember which way is left and which one is right.
Me, handling a knife with my right hand and trying not to cut my left off.
When I realized that most things in this world were designed with only right-handed people in mind.
Really, the ultimate test for every leftie is trying to use scissors. Chineke! It might as well be brain surgery.
To be honest, with the way my relatives really carried it on their heads, I’m surprised they didn’t change me. Well, I’m stubborn as hell so…
My aunty even came to the house recently, saw me eating and said “you still dey use this your left hand?”
“Iwo ati owo osi yi” was the mantra of the enemies of progress that tried and failed.
I sha love being left handed. #LeftHandsMatter.
It’s Left-Handers Day! Here are a few life hacks for my fellow lefties! You can also share this with the lefties in your life.
