1) Not dropping offering money so you can buy ice cream after church.
2) Your parents offering to help you “save” the money visitors dash you.
3) Keeping the change when you run an errand.
4) Greeting the visitor over and over again so they will drop money.
5) Slightly inflating the price of textbooks.
6) Volunteering to wash clothes in the hope of seeing free money inside pockets.
Are you in an abusive relationship with your financial provider? – Do atrocities range from unwarranted debits to dubious card maintenance fees? does it also include sending N5.42k interest every month, to even just generally being unfortunate? – come along as we share the best tips on how to avoid rubbish. 2020 must obey.
1) Violently say no to friends/family members/enemies that beg you to open accounts so they can meet a target
From my experience, this never ends well. If you had to open a compulsory Nysc account you have an idea of what I am talking about.
2) If the bank name contains the letter A, brethren please run
Don’t ask us how we know this. It is known.
3) If they are active on social media, run
The only thing social media handlers know how to do is say: “We are sorry for the inconvenience, we are looking into it.” Sorry for yourself.
4) If they are not active on social media, run
Where do they expect us to lodge our complaints? They are not in touch with young people.
5) If they keep offering you a payday loan/ car loan/ study loan, pls run
On what salary for goodness sake?
6) Red flag – if they organize like a yearly festival or a show or anything outside of the banking activities
They will funnel all your hard-earned naira towards paying for these events.
7) If they don’t organize yearly festivals and shows – throw them away
Where do they expect us to meet young, fun people, and also take dope photos?
8) If one of your parents used the bank during their youth, do we still need to advise you on what to do?
Goodluck complaining to members of staff in a bank that is as old as your parents.
9) See, apart from running from banks, pack your bag and run from this country
In all honesty, this is the only chance of survival and eventually picking a stressless bank because everything here is trying to kill you.
If you are reading this, it’s too late. When will you marry? You are of marriageable age for starters. If you were born in the 90’s, chances are that you were privileged to witness some of the buying power of the naira. That is before the fire nation called recession attacked and our money lost value. Here are some of the things we remember being able to buy in the good old days.
1) Goody Goody Goodness – an all-time yummy favorite
2) Two wise men – Goldspot and Limca
3) Five cones of this N10 ice cream
4) The original actual beef containing N30 gala
5) Books, well, exercise books.
6) Proper Suya – N50 suya was enjoyment central. Chop life king/queen
7) Some of these cool toys
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
This week’s #NairaLife is made possible by Premium Pension. What’s their bragging right? They’re one of the first to be licensed in this Pension grind. Over 600,000 people trust them. And their assets under management have crossed 700 billion. Big deal.
The guy in this story is not only 33 years old, he’s also looking for the next big challenge life has to throw at him. Why? Because that’s where the growth happens.
I can’t remember how old I was, but was one of those times I was sick and at the doctor’s, he was so impressed by my English that he gave me a 50 kobo note.
I was crying because of injection, but somehow he still managed to give me money. I gave my mum and she kept –
Hahaha. She kept it for me, till this day. That’s the earliest memory I have of money that I owned. But a lot of my childhood is filled with memories of understanding what money meant in terms of the things I couldn’t have because we couldn’t afford them.
I grew up in that time and place where there was always that one house in the neighbourhood with the coloured TV.
Everyone would go and watch from the windows – I was one of the window kids. My deprivation at that early age made me, first of all, understand that; “it’s like we’re not on the same level as these coloured TV people o.”
That gave me a “this thing I can’t have, is because of the money we don’t have” awareness.
My first real income was NYSC. You know, I had all those lofty before-25 goals too. Things like “Oh I want to be an astronaut, so I’m going to study engineering” and all those dumb dreams. Well, not dumb, but then I’m in Nigeria. You can’t be dreaming of being an Astronaut in Nigeria.
There was this phase in school where everyone in my faculty wanted to work for the oil companies. Well, since we left school, only a tiny fraction work in oil companies. So imagine me in a class of over a hundred people, only 5 or 6 ended up working with oil companies.
Now, multiply this oil company dream by every engineering faculty in Nigeria. How many openings even exist for starters?
It’s hilarious now because boys then will be like “once I get this degree, na Oil company get me.”
Hahaha. Back to NYSC, I served somewhere in the South-south working in broadcasting. In fact, I had a TV and radio show at some point sef. I first had a segment reporting on technology. Then one day, someone was away and I had to fill in, and that was my first full one hour segment.
₦5k. I worked there from 2012 till 2013. I remember that last month in NYSC very well – a mix of restlessness and a need to rest. Most people just chilled during NYSC, but I actually worked a lot, and never got that post-school break. I felt tired.
When I finished serving in October, I had some money saved up – I went home with ₦60k saved.
When I got home in December – home was in the southeast by the way – everyone was like “ahhh congrats” but in my head, I was like “okay what’s next?”
I graduated with a 2-2 – I just knew I wasn’t going to end up in an oil company. So whenever I hear anyone say “2-1 is not important” I just say what an idiot.
So I started to optimise my life for industries that were not optimised for grades, but for skills instead.
Lucky for me, towards the end of December, a friend reached out telling me that someone needed people to start a radio show. By the 2nd of January, I packed my bags and was off to a new town in the South-south. No time.
I also needed to make money, somehow. We ended up starting a show – I wasn’t paid in the first month because the owner of the radio show wanted traction first. Within a month, the reception was pretty good.
I was in a cab one day and listening to a recording of the show. People in the cab were legit talking about it and had no idea it was me. It felt so good. I also started hearing it at some parks on loudspeakers.
Meanwhile, in all this time, I was still thinking of getting a job in engineering so I wouldn’t waste my engineering degree.
I did get an engineering gig though – it was the saddest job I ever did in my life.
Bruh. It was an oil servicing company. The gig paid me 48k net, and radio was giving me 15k – I was juggling both. I still couldn’t afford a house, so I was squatting with a married cousin who lived with his wife in a mini-flat – living room and one bedroom. This was 2014.
Then in October of that year, oil prices crashed.
Then the layoffs followed. I’d heard of people getting laid off from their jobs before and always thought of it as a super sad thing. But at that point in time when it happened to me, it was a relieving moment.
Yep, February 2015. Everyone on my team. As HR was talking to us, I was just smiling. Why? I said I was relieved.
Hahaha. Do you know what I did after I got my letter? I just called one of my friends, and we went to a restaurant. I bought Jollof Rice, Moi-Moi, Chicken. I just ate to relief.
I told my cousin, and he started calling people he knew in oil servicing firms. The story was the same, layoffs everywhere.
Then I turned my sights to Lagos.
I started looking for jobs in media agencies, startups, anyone interested in hiring. I got an interview at a startup in Lagos, they told me to show up the next Monday for an interview. Meanwhile, I’d travelled somewhere for a wedding for the weekend. I just showed up with my backpack, and suits, and left all my things in my cousin’s house.
I never went back there again.
I got the job, it was a startup. Also, the job paid 80k. It was a sort of admin role as an assistant, but I really needed that foot in the door. I got my KPIs and smashed all of them from my probation-ish period.
Then it was time to renegotiate the salary after a few months. I got moved to another team, marketing. I asked for double. To be honest, the only reason I could afford the commute and life on that salary, compared to where I was staying, was because I was sleeping at the office sometimes.
We did the back and forth, and I got the 160k.
It was the first time in my life that I wasn’t living from salary to salary, ever. I took a loan and rented a room close to work. I bought a fridge – it cost 51k – and I felt the quality of my life improve drastically.
I grew up in a house with a fridge, but I think I took it for granted. This was the first time since I moved to Lagos that I didn’t have to go out to buy cold water, I could also preserve things. At work, 2016 was also a lot of growth for me. But by the end of the year, some layoffs were happening, and it was one of those “leave or get laid off” scenarios.
Roles evolve in startups. A role might exist now, and become redundant later. Mine got redundant. Also, they were trying to cut costs. I got a severance, which was basically about my salary. I spent that December 2016 just sleeping, fuelling my generator and watching shows and movies.
Towards the end of the month is when I was like, okay, I need to get a job. It was like that subtle panic I had after NYSC. The difference this time was that I wasn’t at home, so I had no safety net and free food.
By January, I was flat broke. My folks at home didn’t even know I had lost a job, and I couldn’t ask them to send me money or anything. My parents are retired, and they’re too old for me to be a burden on them. So I just had to wing it by myself.
By February though, I was back at a new job, except I actually took a pay cut.
When I was leaving my last job, my last monthly salary was ₦200k, but now I was at ₦120k. I needed the money badly. Anyway, the new job was at an advertising agency. I gave myself 6 months, but then an exciting project came. That kept me for longer.
The best part of that year was that I was the one who got thrown to the difficult projects. That felt good. That year pushed me more than ever, I even started a side project. It all started to pay off in 2018.
People started calling me in 2018 for work, and for the first time, I realised I’d been taking for granted all the things I knew. People had actually been paying attention. I started to feel desired, and that felt so good.
I could have a decent conversation about salaries for the first time. The gig I finally settled for tripled my salary.
Yeah, at the time. It also came with Health Insurance and a Pension. Office goodies helped shrink my feeding budget. You know, it’s incredible how much has changed between that first ₦15k and now. I also moved to a more spacious place, a 2-bedroom apartment.
Man. Money gives you the freedom to do things, and freedom to not do the things you don’t want. Money gives you agency. The pay cut I took when I was moving to my previous job was because I couldn’t afford to reject it. Scarcity taught me the value of money, relative abundance taught me the value of agency.
First of all, I try to keep my expenses below ₦100k. I’m mostly indoors. Food doesn’t cost so much. There’s the occasional movie with the babe. My routine is work, occasional relationship outings, church. My goal last year was to not live above ₦100k, and I succeeded mostly. This year though, most of it went kaput.
I had to make a choice about wanting money in the bank or wanting to own things. I chose the latter. This year, I bought land. My folks found one at a very good deal.
Another thing is that, because my spending power has increased, I can pay for things even when I don’t have the money immediately. People are more willing to even give you loans because they know you can pay back.
Yes, that’s what I think. It cost me about 900k. The value, based on the area it was, actually means it should have been up to 1.5 million ideally. As I was done paying for the land, I bought a car – that cost 1.6 million. I have a few months left on the car payment. The thing is, if I was going to save to buy these things, they’d probably be useless by the time I can afford them.
I’m a little over 100k these days. I’ve been lucky enough to not have to worry too much about black tax, even though I send some money home to my mum, mostly upkeeps. Although, I’ve had to pay for life-threatening illness in the past before. The rest of my money goes into paying for the car.
The next gig I take should not offer me less than 800k. I actually believe I deserve more with the experience I have. But if I’m being realistic, coupled with the realities of being in Lagos, 800k net is good enough to live comfortably in most of Lagos.
In the context of forex, that’d be $4k per month. I’m thinking about what someone like me would be earning outside Nigeria. We’re doing a lot of the same things in different markets.
Anyway, I need to unlock the level of spending power where you can afford to own things and still have money left to save or invest. Not like I’ll buy a car and suddenly be unable to save.
A decent house in a good and much safer neighbourhood. To be upwardly mobile in Nigeria is to be at risk. On one hand, the guys in the neighbourhood suddenly see you as fruit ripe for plucking. On the other hand, you’re not earning enough to be able to afford to leave that neighbourhood.
I was robbed this year.
Petty crime, mostly. They broke in, stole my laptop, phone, and some pocket change. My house is decent, but if I could afford to after that incident, I’d have moved. I know I stick out in the neighbourhood as the guy who lives in a 2-bed flat all by himself and owns a nice car.
There’s also the police to worry about because you’re suddenly suspect because you have a car.
I don’t really believe in the concept of “oh stop working at sixty”. I’m more interested in Financial Freedom when I can reach the point of making work an option.
Life expectancy is changing across the world, so I think what people call retirement age is not retirement age anymore.
Eventually, retirement for me will be when I have financial freedom and access to places and people that money won’t fetch me.
Rainy day money. If all of this goes wrong, there’s this kpim kpim entering your pension account every month that you know will potentially cover you in the future.
I need to move houses next year, for starters. Again, it’s mostly because I want to get married next year.
Hahaha. I’d love a simple wedding, but those things are super expensive here in Nigeria. Back to the house part, my house is mostly at the bare minimum now, and I know setting it up to be able to live with a partner is going to cost money.
Also, next year, I’m looking for projects or challenges that will trigger my next level, just like it happened in 2017.
Investing. I have friends who know how money works. I think we generally have a basic understanding of how money works. But there are people who know trends and how money moves around the world, they know when to take advantage of these things. Earning well is good, but knowing how to maximise it is even better.
Remember that January 2017 when I was so broke? My last money was spent on transport money back from a job interview. I don’t even know how, but one of my friends sensed that I needed money. He just called me, asked for my account number, and sent 10k. That was priceless.
With the level of agency money gives me now, I’ll say a 6. I’m not rich, but when I think of where I’m coming from, I’m not doing badly. But with this 6, I’ve reached the point where I need to take on new challenges again and scale up fast.
Yeah, I think it has been. It’s the decade I’m learning to hold my own in the world. Moved out of my parents’ house, and it’s been a long, winding journey in self-discovery and generally trying to be my own person. I think I’ve gotten much better at navigating life at the end of the decade now than I was at the beginning of it. I’m also just older now and have clocked in the hours so that one sef dey.
Check back every Monday at 9 am (WAT) for a peek into the Naira Life of everyday people.
But, if you want to get the next story before everyone else, with extra sauce and ‘deleted scenes’, subscribe below. It only takes a minute.
Every story in this series can be found here.
Nigeria is a shitty place for those who live here, many seek an escape route. But, amid the insecurities, bad economy, and the uncaring government, some things happened this year that make us feel thankful.
Yeah, we know, hard to believe right? Yet we need to end the year on a positive note, so here are some things that we can say made 2019 tolerable:
We’re pretty sure many Nigerians expected the country to go to shit after the general elections. Everything seemed to be on a precipice of evil, and everyone was tense about the consequences of the election results. Thankfully, nobody threatened war, and everything is in limbo.
Think what you will about the fact that Nigerian rice is full of stones, but the border closure came as a blessing in disguise. Now our local agriculture is booming even at the expense of our health, who cares about getting appendicitis anyway? Not our inconsiderate government.
Imagine how horrible it would have been for us if our country had earthquakes, landslides, or hurricanes! Eesh. Thankfully, God had enough sense to keep those away from the nation, he knows that the self-created disaster is more than enough to deal with.
Clearly, everyone would die if we have to rely on Nigerian firefighters, police, paramedics (do we even have those?), or any other rescue team that will be needed in the case of a natural disaster occurring. Y’all know how slow their response is–when they respond.
Burna Boy got a Grammy Nomination and got interviewed on The Daily Show interview. Davido featured Chris Brown. Tiwa Savage and Yemi Alade got signed to Universal Music. Beyonce featured Wizkid to tell us that black is beautiful in Brown Skin Girl.
Nigerian artistes got featured on Beyonce’s The Lion King: The Gift album. Wizkid shut down the 02 arena. Need I go on? What a great year it’s been for Nigerian musicians, and the world is paying attention.
While the Nigerian government was being such a slowpoke about the xenophobic attacks to Nigerians in South Africa, a kind soul decided to take action instead. Many people were pleasantly surprised when Air Peace volunteered to get Nigerians out of South Africa for free.
Isn’t that something? In this Nigeria? Rare indeed.
They finally gave us a chance to let them know that we don’t care about them and their poor services when they went on strike. Did you even know they were on strike? Most people thought it was their usual game of blackout.
Finally, our legislators can do something right! They kicked against the bill that proposed a longer tenure for politicians in this country; it aimed to change the constitution, making each president, governor, senator, and house or rep member serve for 6 years instead of 4.
Like we haven’t suffered enough in this country already.
If you weren’t in the mood for December before Cardi B came to Lagos, then seeing her enjoy Lagos like some IJGB’s would have made you want to turn up. Some say she did more for Nigerian tourism than the Ministry of Tourism. What can I say? I agree with them.
Y’all know that Nigerian Jollof is the best! It has the right color, taste, and spice. Our Jollof Road team got to taste different Jollof, while on their trip around West Africa, and they agree that Nigerian Jollof is STILL THE BEST.
We’ve already established before that tv adverts seem to exist in their own cinematic universe with specific rules. However, Nigerian ads are in a league of their own, as, in a bid to sell viewers what they’re meant to in the shortest possible time, they mostly end up making no sense.
Using the logic of Nigerian advertising, here’s how to make your very own drug commercial.
1) To play a family in the ad, cast a bunch of actors who have absolutely no on-screen chemistry with each other.
Because who needs convincing and memorable performances, am I right?
2) Have an illness hit the entire family at the same damn time.
Because the only way you can scare people into buying your drug is if you convince them that an illness is going to swoop in one day and wipe out their families in one swoop.
3) Exclude one parent from this disease.
Usually the mother. Because we all know that fathers in commercials are generally useless.
4) Have her take one look at her sick family and – using the hella vague symptoms they have – immediately decide what it is that has afflicted them, even though she has no background in medicine whatsoever.
Because this is an ad and not a Tarantino movie, they only have a few seconds to get to the point. Doctors and hospitals be damned. Have her run off to the neighbourhood pharmacy, leaving no one to watch her sick husband and kids.
5) Have her return with a drug – the one being advertised – that is going to magically cure this illness in minutes.
You know what I mean. Follow-up doses don’t exist in ads and every illness is cured within the same time it takes to resolve the central plot of every Big Bang Theory episode (30 mins).
6) Have the family (who were practically coughing up blood earlier) surprise their matriarch with how much better they’re feeling using crackhead-like feats of physical activity.
“The hell…HOW ARE YOU DOING HEADSTANDS?!”
7) For the ad’s last shot, have the family pose for a group picture with the drug.
“We’re not breaking the fourth wall. We’re just taking this picture to make sure we always remember that time the fam almost got wiped out by a mystery illness. Say cheese, y’all.”
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
The subject of this story is a 24-year old lady who’s open to exploring any opportunity that won’t bother her home training – she likes nice offices too.
Does raising funds for a children’s church program count?
When I was younger, in order to raise funds for church parties and children’s Sunday in church, we were given tickets to sell at a fixed price (I sometimes sold higher and pocketed the rest). I always finished selling my tickets so quickly that I had to start writing the names of people who wanted to buy or donate.
Or I just pocketed the money for myself.
Hahaha. I was like 7 or 8. The tickets sold for about ₦100. I’d add another ₦100 or ₦200 sometimes, and then blow the money on drinks and ice cream. But I always made sure to calculate properly so I never remitted excess, that means I never got caught by my mum. She was the pastor of the children’s church by the way.
Being a pastor’s child has its perks, plus I found it easy walking up to people and asking them to buy. Lord knows my neighbours were tired of me.
My mum used to make Zobo and Kunu and would put them in bottles. Then she’d give them to me to sell. I hated it at the time, I used to think we were very rich growing up.
I lived in a relatively nice house in an estate, went to one of the best schools and my mum still made me sell.
Then one day I stumbled on my mum crying – it was time for school fees and she didn’t have money. That was when I realized we were not as wealthy as I thought we were. I was like 8.
She used to work in finance, but she’d retired at this time. Single mum raising a bunch of kids. 2005.
Man, we got really broke those days. Tough times.
It was always a struggle. As recently as when I was in Uni – I was in my 3rd year of school, I lived at home while my sibling and family friend shared an apartment close to school and in other to make pocket money, we started selling these space cakes and made a killing. My job was to market and sell when I could or get buyers for parties and stuff.
The space cupcakes sold for ₦3k a dozen. I actually remember that we only did it when we were absolutely broke. When we were active, we did like 10-12 orders per week.
As usual, I’d either give out the money or buy nonsense.
I interned at a law firm for nine months that paid ₦30k, then I went to Law School. Left September 2017, NYSC started October. Towards the end of Law School, you do an externship for six weeks.
We got paid in lunch money from our boss, hahaha. Anyway, I went for NYSC, got paid ₦10k at my place of primary assignment, add to that my NYSC ₦19,800. I saved most of it in fact, and by the time I finished NYSC in October 2019, I’d saved up to ₦140k.
Yeah. Sent out so many applications – 15 by my last count – attended interviews and hoping for the best.
I have very little work experience, and to be honest, I’m not yet sure exactly where I’ll end up. I’m willing to explore something in PR or entertainment though. Also, the obvious thing about not having a job is being broke.
I just checked, and it says I have ₦77 left. 7-7.
Had to sort out something for my mum’s house. Then I borrowed some out, and now it’s taking forever for them to return it. The rest, I just ate out with it.
I’m not really good with money. You know how cranky you get when you’re broke? That’s me 24/7 these days. Then there’s the almost hopeless feeling that you should be doing more or better.
There’s also my family who think I’m not doing enough to get a job, and all the people asking “What next?”
Law? In Nigeria? Only a handful of lawyers go back to law firms. Most people end up doing something else. Most of the lawyers I know are doing 20k-30k per month. Only very few are doing that well. The best entry-level salary for a lawyer I’ve heard of is ₦110k. It’s an “I know your parents” kind of job.
“We’re not going to paying you, because you need the job experience.” I was going to be working from 8-6 and working on weekends. I was going to pay for my own transport in a time when everyone is trying to get by. That’s how ridiculous it gets.
Currently, the prospects for a person like me is to go and get my Masters or get another degree, or some certifications. My mum has an even brighter idea.
She said I should go and marry. Apparently, someone in the church saw a vision. In fact, I currently have a curfew.
Hahaha. I need to leave where I am. When you’re not in a city like Lagos, your options are a lot more limited. Especially if you’re in a city where almost everyone either works for an NGO, a bank, or the government.
Shoes. Clothes. I need clothes. You want to show up at an interview to make a good impression, but then you’re wearing scrappy clothes. This life.
Anything from 70 to 100k right now, to be honest. I just want to earn.
A brother in the Lord wanted to pay for my nudes, since you’re unemployed. He gave me ‘blank cheque’ energy.
That’s alright. Last-last, my mother’s church member’s vision will click and I’ll just go and marry a rich man.
I just need to learn no. People ask me for money and I give them because I can’t say no. People collect, then fail to pay back every time. Do I have sense? No.
First of all, I won’t have studied Law. Something more meaningful in my life. Maybe something IT-related. I’ll probably be working in one of those cool workplaces. I’ll be able to earn and still save, and still flex. To be honest, 150k right now is enough for me to earn, save and flex right now.
A solid 2. I can’t Detty December because I’m broke. All I now do is think of all the things I could have done with the money.
Ask me if I’ve considered being a Glucose Baby.
Plentttty times! My Nigerian Home Training is entrenched in my bones that I can’t monetise a small part of my body. If not, I would have been living baby girl life. To be honest, I don’t even think I have the range and stamina to become a Glucose baby. I’m not even sure I have all the things needed to become a Glucose baby, like the body. I can use the ones I have and get the rest from a surgeon, but guess who doesn’t have a Surgeon? Hahahaha.
Thank you!
P.S: If you ask me questions in the comments, I’m going to go ahead and ask her, then update this story with her answers. Cool?
2019 has delivered some really great Nigerian songs, accompanied by equally impressive music videos. So, with the year coming to an end, we decided to ask 10 of our favourite directors to pick which Nigerian music video stood out to them the most.
Meji Alabi, the genius behind Tiwa Savage’s career-best “49-99”, picked the video for Fireboy DML’s breakout hit, “Jealous”, which was shot by Director K.
About why he likes it:
“I like the feels it puts you in. Those relatable moments mean a lot to me in music videos.”
Seun Opabisi, one half of the directing duo behind Ladipoe’s “Jaiye” and Rema’s “Bad Commando”, picked the video for Burna Boy’s “Dangote”, which was shot by Clarence Peters.
About why he likes it:
“In so many ways, this video is a depiction of what ‘Hustle’ means in present-day Nigeria. We do a lot of finger-pointing when we’re all playing a role in its demise.”
Kewa Oni, one half of the directing duo behind Ladipoe’s “Jaiye” and Rema’s “Bad Commando”, picked the video for Prettyboy D-O and Santi’s “Pull Up”, which was directed by Ademola Falomo.
About why he likes it:
“D-O’s presence on and off stage has always been very intense, and it’s so great that Demola made a grimy video that captures that.”
Prodigeezy, the director behind Falz’s Headies-nominated “Talk” and Burna Boy’s “Killin Dem”, picked the video for Tiwa Savage’s “49-99”, which was directed by Meji Alabi.
About why he likes it:
“Meji is easily one of my favourite African directors, but his work on “49-99” was just exceptional and flawlessly executed.
I particularly like it because of the audacity and scale of the idea. From my experience, it’s very difficult combining social messaging and entertaining visuals, but he pulled it off.”
TG Omori, the director behind Naira Marley’s “Am I A Yahoo Boy” and Teni’s “Billionaire”, also picked the video for Tiwa Savage’s “49-99”, which was directed by Meji Alabi.
About why he likes it:
“Honestly, I think the art direction is just beautiful. It’s really close to my kind of vibe.”
Ademola Falomo, the director behind Rema’s “Dumebi”, Tems’ “Try Me” and Prettyboy D-O’s “Pull Up”, picked the video for BOJ and Tiwa Savage’s “Your Love”, which was shot by Director K.
About why he likes it:
“Director K is easily my favourite director at the moment. The cinematography of “Your Love” is everything.
I love the minimalist approach and the attention to details. Every single frame in that video can be used as a picture”
Chukwuka Nwobi, the director behind the videos for Sarz and WurlD’s “EGO” and “MAD”, picked the video for Lyta’s “Monalisa”, which was shot by Director K.
About why he likes it:
“The camera movements are so smooth and cinematic. I loved the idea of isolating two individuals in a huge space and focusing on them, all while telling a love story.
I also really liked the wide frame shots. I think it’s good to take a step back and appreciate everything that makes the frame what it is.”
Seyi Akinlade, the director behind Prettyboy D-O’s manic “Dey Go Hear Wehh”, picked the video for Ladipoe’s “Jaiye”, which was directed by Seun Opabisi and Kewa Oni.
About why he likes it:
“A lot of the elements were just so well-though-out and put together, without ever outshining the artist.”
The Alien, the director behind BOJ, Ajebutter22 and Falz’s “Ronaldo”, picked the video for Ladipoe’s “Jaiye”, which was directed by Seun Opabisi and Kewa Oni.
About why he likes it:
“The video was amazingly executed. From idea and production design to cinematography and colour grading, everything was just excellent.
It made me feel sooo good. No jokes, I remember watching it more than 100 times the week it came out.”
Daniel Vintage, the director behind Kizz Daniel’s ode to Lagos, “Eko”, picked the video for Ladipoe’s “Jaiye”, which was directed by Seun Opabisi and Kewa Oni.
About why he likes it:
“The aesthetics and visual direction were pretty dope. From the locations to the styling, you can tell they did a lot of proper mind mapping.”
Every week, Zikoko seeks to understand how people move the Naira in and out of their lives. Some stories will be struggle-ish, others will be bougie. All the time, it’ll be revealing.
She’s 28, currently living in Canada with the love of her life but this wasn’t always the plan. This is a story about how it unfolded.
That would be 2017, precisely. I’d applied to yet another Masters’ program and gotten accepted. The tuition became an issue as I couldn’t afford it at the time.
My brother suggested I take the immigration route, saying it was cheaper than paying so much for school and then getting a job later. I wasn’t really interested because I felt immigration was going to be tedious. But I’d been on the Masters’ waka for five years at the time, and I just wanted to reach my goal.
Then one day –
One day, I heard people shout “UP NEPA” after being without light for almost a week.
I just lost it.
I realised I’d known this phrase since I was a kid and was wondering if I’d like my kids to see it as a norm.
Then I logged on to Twitter and all the frustrating things about Naija just rushed at me. I messaged my brother and we started researching how I could move. Right now, my entire family is on the track to moving out hahaha. I have a sibling in the U.K. also looking at a permanent move to Canada too.
Hahaha. Just my siblings actually.
IELTS, in 2018. ₦65,000. The first time I wrote it, I didn’t get the score I wanted. By the time I was ready to write it the second time, it was already ₦75,000.
IELTS is made up of four parts: speaking, reading, writing, listening.
Each part carries a total score of nine. They’ll also have a cumulative grade for you. Since the express entry was a point-based system, it works very well for you to score at least 8-7-7-7 (8 in speaking, 7 in the rest). These scores carry weight when you’re trying to see what cumulative score you might get on the Canadian immigration ranking tool. The ranking tool is to calculate points ranging from education to work experience to marital status, to age, to English language proficiency.
So whatever your cumulative points sum up to here determines if you’re qualified to enter the pool of people that will be eligible to apply for the Canadian express entry.
I scored 6.5 in writing, which messed up my entire result.
Yeah, at an advertising agency as a client services executive. ₦80k a month. So I saved some of my income for a couple of months, while my brother sent me the balance.
I had to pay ₦15,000 to have my transcripts sent to an evaluating body in Canada. That took a while, because of ASUU strike.
Hahahaha. If I hear.
Anyway, I paid for that, got a reference number, and that reference number is what I used to create a profile. The evaluation money cost ₦88k when you change it to naira. It was actually paid for by my brother because the money was too much for me at the time. Also, you get a police certificate to confirm that you have no criminal record in Nigeria. That one cost me ₦3,500.
Yep. Also, my husband and I were already dating at this point, and our plans aligned perfectly.
Hahaha. Remember that second IELTS that I wrote? I got 6.5 again. So my husband suggested that we merge our applications together and be on the journey as a unit.
Hahaha. Yes, they let you do this. Apart from individuals applying, you can actually apply as a unit. Whether with child or not. For unit applications, there has to be a primary and secondary applicant. So if I’m applying with my husband who has better qualifications and IELTS scores, he’ll be the primary applicant, while I’ll be the dependant.
There are a few benefits to being the primary applicant. Like, the application profile, and correspondence. If you get permanent residency too, the secondary applicant can’t go without the primary applicant. So if the primary applicant dies, everything done burst.
If you’re married, it increases your score. If you have a Masters’ Degree, it increases your score, if you have a PhD, even higher score. Then there’s the proof of funds part. For a single person, you need to have $12,000 CAD. Basically, they want you to be able to fend for yourself for at least 6 months, in case you don’t get a job immediately. As a couple, we had to keep $15,772 CAD. Applications for right of permanent residency cost us $550 CAD per head.
My husband had money saved for years from work; God bless him. He was pretty frugal even though he earned a lot, so he covered most of the expenses.
There’s the medicals part. Basically, you need paperwork to show that you’re medically fit and you won’t be showing up in Canada with diseases that will require quarantine and stuff. That cost ₦28,000 per head.
The thing about the process is, the money can be overwhelming. But as each one came, we knocked it off. I had help from family, and of course from my husband.
Then one day, you just get a response and everything changes.
The entire processing time took five months and eight days. The entire journey from that UP NEPA, took one year and 4 months.
On the 8th day after the five months, we got a request asking us to submit our passport. Then we had to wait two weeks for the passport to be returned to us.
Ah, it was hell. Anxiety. Anticipation. Prayer. Everything. Doubt, because what if we didn’t submit all the documents? Constantly calling to check the status of our application. And the theoriesss.
Yes. We started formulating theories based on how long it’d take to get a response time, based on everyone else we’ve heard about. Some people waited three months, some three weeks. Others, a month. Some people even waited for a year. We heard people were refused for the tiniest reasons. When you’re not in control of a situation, it makes you over-analyse. You put in so much thoroughness into this process, and you just want a positive response.
When the email finally came, it was at 5 am telling us to go and submit our passports. My husband worked out of Lagos and had to travel back to Lagos. We tracked that passport every day because people could still get rejected after sending their passport.
When we went to pick up the passports, it was there, stamped. Our visas to Canada. I cried, ah, that moment.
We hid it in weird places. I first hid mine inside Garri then –
Yes now, hahaha. Then I started panicking that the Garri might erase the visa. Then I hid it in one tiny part of my box.
Hahahaha. I didn’t even feel like working. Our salary was actually late, and my boss was cranky. I wanted to tell them ‘bye bitches’ but I had to calm down and resign properly, so I don’t burn bridges. At this time, I was earning ₦150,000.
Nah. New job. Here, I was working comms proper.
Chai. Four.
I got my first job two months after NYSC, I was so excited. I saw myself breaking boundaries. But you see, by the time I resumed at my last job in January, I was already done with working in Nigeria. I was already imagining carving a wonderful career for myself outside Nigeria.
In fact, I resumed at my new job with the singular goal of saving as much as I could for the japa goal.
A wedding.
Nah. Family chipped in. Friends too – they covered most of the costs in a sense. But we made sure everything was on a low budget. It ended up costing a total of about ₦2.5 million.
First of all, the money we spent between the wedding and when we travelled, came from what people sprayed us mostly. They sprayed about ₦370k. Mostly just running costs for living, going to see friends, buying stuff, etc.
Exactly one month after the wedding, we travelled.
₦996k.
The usual – overweight bags. The final bye-byes. The tears.
We got on our flight. 10-hour layover at Frankfurt. Another 12 hours to Canada.
Hahaha. We booked an Airbnb before we left. $30 CAD per night for two weeks. That money came from that $15,772 CAD that Canada wanted us to have.
Also, people stay with relatives while they try to get a place. Others find kind Nigerians that offer to house them till they get a place. Some even get their accommodation before leaving Nigeria.
There are Whatsapp Groups for this thing yo.
Depends on who’s spending. We haven’t burned through ours.
My husband is taking a licencing exam so he’ll be able practice in Canada – he works in healthcare. I’m currently enrolled in an IT program that will expose me to amazing employers. It’ll also let me get a prestigious certificate for free. Something that would have cost $600 CAD. You know, I used to be scared of life in IT. But look at me. I’ve mostly found it fascinating.
All the privileges of a Canadian citizen, except voting and joining the army.
Okay.
Yeah.
Ehn? Hahahahaha. Wait.
I just told my husband, but he doesn’t believe. I think he’s in denial. He said his brain isn’t calculating it properly.
Nope. We made sure not to. Because it’ll drive us crazy.
Hahaha, it’s okay.
Yes. That’s true. Not bad at all. You calm down better when you take everything step by step and keep your eye on the price. You never know where help could spring up from.
– 12. I can basically dream without fear of my dreams not coming to fruition because the system/environment is against me.
I can literally change my career and there’s already help in place to help me take the new leap. No fear. No hassles.
Black Friday deals are the best; you get to buy goods, gadgets and household items at the lowest prices. Although there have been many controversies about the origin of the term, Black Friday, many people are willing to overlook it in their quest to acquire quality items at the cheapest rate. Who doesn’t like awoof?
In Nigeria however, Black Friday deals are never straightforward because the discounted and flash sales by eCommerce companies in Nigeria are designed to frustrate everyone’s efforts.
Here are some of the antics that online retail stores make to avoid selling customers items at ridiculously low prices, totally negating their advertisements and promises to that end:
So you think you’re really smart by waiting until November before buying anything from that eCommerce store?
Well, you have another think coming because they are always one step ahead, which is why they increase the prices of all their items weeks before Black Friday, then plummet it back to the normal price for “discounted sales” and you’re there chopping that ela like no man’s business.
When you are told that the only way to get that IPhone X you’ve been lusting after is to canvass through lots of irrelevant items that you don’t want. So begins the merry go round of actually finding NOTHING or clicking on an item that gives a different result:
Remember when I said everything is designed to frustrate your efforts? You should have taken that literally because the websites and mobile apps of these eCommerce companies only get temperamental when its Black Friday.
So you’re there trying to login but it’s taking forever and you think it’s your bad network that’s causing it? Nah. You’re gonna miss the 6pm flash sale deadline because the company wants you to.
Don’t forget the fact that you are trying to beat the 30 minutes clock of the flash sales while trying to actually get that preferred fridge–all to no avail, because everything is designed to work against you. Losing sleep is simply not worth it.
Yes, we know everyone is scrambling to buy every discounted item and the fastest finger wins but, isn’t it weird that some items are tagged as “sold out” and “out of stock” a minute after they were put on display? I smell a rat and its rotten.
The most ridiculous thing is when you log on to an online store and see that all the items with a price slash are things you are not interested in buying because their original price isn’t that expensive sef and you can buy them at anytime–Black Friday or not.
Yay! You scaled through and were able to prove everyone that ever said “Black Friday in Nigeria is a scam” wrong. Awesome. Err, have you been able to check out your cart? Ha, maybe you should refresh the website. What? The website has crashed? SORRY O.
