Your taste in music can say a lot about you, and this time, it’s going to reveal what you are like in a relationship. So, pick a few of your favourite Nigerian love songs, and we’ll let you know if you’re typically a distant, passionate or unbothered partner.
Here you go:
According to car salesmen, first-time buyers usually do not anticipate the hidden costs that come along with owning a car. They think it’s just enough to buy, not understanding that the journey is just starting.
The general wisdom around for people seeking to buy a car is that the buying is not the issue and that maintenance is where the frustration resides.
So, being curious about how much money it really does cost, I spoke to a relatively young car owner and here’s what he said:
Insurance is important especially in this country where people are moving anyhow. You can just be on your own and someone will hit you out of nowhere. There are two types of insurance – comprehensive and third party insurance so I am on the cheaper one. Which is a third party and that costs N3,000.
This is even because my car is fuel economic and I don’t go out too much. Some people that have to go long distances spend twice that amount every week. So, mine is like N20,000 on fuel a month.
Well, my car is old, the roads are bad. That means I have to service my car regularly if I don’t want it to die on me. The mechanic changes the oil, checks the brakes and makes sure there are no weird sounds. If it’s just basic maintenance and no other fault, N8,500 does the job. But if there are other issues, stress begins.
If you have connect, you can do this for a year but I don’t know anyone so I do mine every 6 months. I think my road worthiness costs N4,500. The whole thing plus money for boys I think costs about N10,000.
See, I have had to change my horn twice and it cost me N9,500 on both occasions. I mean it was different issues but still the same horn. So, you can just wake up and the car is making a strange noise. I have also had to spend N27,000 remodeling the front part of the car.
Someone tells you how to park, they want money. Someone opens the gate, they want money. All these things add up over time. There is the assumption that once you have a ride, you have arrived.
When you do the total, that’s like N360,000 at the end of the year and this is a conservative estimate with the hope that nothing dramatic happens.
If you are a Lagosian, chances are that this morning was hell. Well, unless you own a car or can afford Uber and Bolt. For the rest of us, we experienced one or more of the emotions on the list below.
The first emotion I felt immediately I woke up this morning was annoyance. What sort of Government decides to leave us stranded overnight?
I was weak when I saw the crowd of people struggling for the limited means of transportation today. Is it a crime to be a Lagosian or even Nigerian?
God, please blow the trumpet.
What is going to happen to all these people who are out of a job, are they going to turn on us who are still struggling to earn a living?
My return trip home after work will determine whether this will still happen or not. Till then, stay tuned.
Lyrics to your favorite song slaps differently when it mirrors your current situation. I discovered previously unheard chords on my trekking playlist today. I really am walking away from the troubles in my life.
Seeing older, feeble citizens struggling for buses with the younger generation makes you realize that this country doesn’t care for you along the age spectrum. From young to old, we are all equally fucked.
Some ITK’s will say this not an emotion. Describe the urge to fight and push people in your path to get a bus. If you find a better term, I am open to listening. You can reach me in ratatata land for any objections.
Wetin be this pls. Why am I experiencing this?
This country is trying to kill me and I must start to seek ways of escaping. The plan is to save money from trekking and divert it to writing IELTS. Lagos, Nigeria, e go be.
Preparing for the IELTS exam should count as part of the risk factors for hypertension in Nigeria. People are actively trying to leave the country but the English test seems to be a major obstacle in their path.
We present some of the super real moments for people who have had to take this exam:
I can’t afford to fail.
Don’t embarrass us, please. We don’t have enough time.
Johnny, stop talking so fast. Slow down ffs.
My data!
“Why are you running? Why are you running?”
God no go shame us.
Am I ready for abroad like this?
Dear IELTS,
I am writing this letter to tell you not to stress me.
Yours faithfully,
Double-check my passport and writing materials for the hundredth time.
I don’t know if I will get extra 0.5 for respect, please.
You too?
I don’t have an opinion, please. Just let me come to your country and live opinion-free.
See, let’s face it, Nigeria is tough and being the first child in Nigeria is even tougher. A major source of this stress is money. Growing up, many of us watched our parents shoulder the responsibilities of extended family and we saw what the stress did to them.
Finances can build a family or tear it apart. No matter how many times you give, the one time you can’t, you are seen as the devil.
So, what are the money situations where it’s difficult to say no? especially as the first child.
When an older person dies, it’s a celebration of life and not a sober affair. As the first child, there are expectations that the bulk of the expense falls in your laps. When the family tries to guilt you for not throwing a big party in honor of recently deceased Grandma in Osogbo, there’s very little you can do.
Whether your younger sibling needs to rent an apartment for school or someone needs a place to stay, you are the first point of call. How can you explain to family members that taking in your extra sibling will stress your already struggling finances?
Good luck trying to explain why you can’t contribute to a wedding you have no idea of or don’t even agree with. However, it’s a rite of passage for you to shoulder a huge part of the running expenses.
“It takes a community to raise a child.” It also takes a lifetime for the child to repay the community for their efforts and sometimes this means shouldering responsibilities like tuition for people coming behind.
Everyone assumes you are rich because you wear a shirt and tie to work but we are all one sickness away from poverty. No matter how much you budget and plan, you can’t factor in your family members falling sick. You also can’t watch them suffer because you are saving money.
You don’t want to be the older sibling that doesn’t give the younger one’s money to go home after they come to visit or run menial tasks. It’s bad P.R.
The topic of Mental Health in Nigeria is hardly ever discussed. A problem because according to this report from 2019, 1 in every 4 Nigerians suffers from a mental illness. This lack of information leads to the perpetuation of many dangerous myths about the topic. Today, we’re going to differentiate between facts and myths.
A small number of people with mental illnesses are violent but only when they’re off their medications. The truth is that people struggling with their mental health in Nigeria are more more likely to be victims of violence than the general population.
This one also goes out to the people who think mental health problems are a result of spiritual warfare. If someone you know is exhibiting signs of mental illness, please get a doctor and not the team of exorcists from the church down your street.
Telling someone with clinical depression to “snap out of it” like they’re just having a bad day is rude. You’re belittling the person’s struggle, which is due to chemical imbalances (a thing the person can’t control by themselves). It’s rude and ignorant.
With a combination of medication and therapy, people with mental illnesses can lead normal lives. Chances are you are surrounded by highly active and productive members of society who are also quietly battling mental illnesses.
The report we referenced in the opener of this article says that 1 in 4 Nigerians suffers from a mental illness.
Enough said.
To understand more about mental health in Nigeria, watch this episode of our show, Nigerians Talk, in which we gathered a group of Nigerian millenials to talk about the topic from their POV.
And now that you’re hopefully done watching the video, click here to fill a form which you can use to give us feedback to make Nigerians Talk better.
Many young Nigerians don’t know how to talk about money or bring up conversations about finance. There are varying reasons for this trend that are too numerous to go into. Because we like you, we created a list of ways to know when it’s time to ask for a salary increase.
If one day you suddenly realize that you haven’t been promoted at work yet you do the job of ten and a half people and you also spend more time (including weekends) in the office than the house you rented. This is a sign that it is time for your salary to match your stress levels. Make sure you only do this if you have been visibly performing and contributing to your company. Also, do proper research on salary range across the industry before asking for a raise to prevent “I thy know.”
When was the last time you traveled? Me too, I can’t remember. Well, this is about you and not me. So, if you realize that the job depends on you so much that you barely have extended free periods for yourself. You can’t worship God, can’t even slightly fornicate. Then you are in a prime position to negotiate an increase in wages.
See, don’t ask us how we know. There’s money available. Quickly collect your share before the money finishes.
If you have an alternative job offer but for some reason, you prefer your current company. You can just bring it up casually in a conversation if you are to shy to call a meeting: ‘There is serious traffic these days, speaking of traffic, that’s how XYZ company gave me a green light the other day. They offered me the XYZ amount to join them. Can you imagine?”
This is the best time to ask for an increase. If the company performed well in the last year and you contributed greatly to the success, you have the leverage to negotiate for a rise in your earnings. This is priceless if you created a process or product that saves the company time and a lot of money.
If you are the only person that is really and truthfully and honestly proficient in excel at your office, you can consider bringing up the conversation about money increase. Once you have an invaluable skill, your value automatically goes up. This is because it would cost more for the company to train someone new to do your job. Also, the person may not stick around as long as you have. However, make your research well before bringing it up. This is because asking for too much can make it backfire.
If you have been adding relevant certifications, consistently been doing good work and there is no noticeable increase in salary since joining the company. You should quantify all these and present your case to your boss so there can be a review.
Once I start my own company, anyone that tells me they want to relocate automatically gets a raise. Until then, God will fight our battles.
“O Canada”
“our home and native land”
Beyond the jokes, I hope you found some parts useful. If you did, let us know in the comments!
Once you’ve seen one Nigerian music video about falling in love, you’ve seen them all. The stories are almost always the same, so we decided to see what we can learn about romance from some of them.
As a rule of thumb, the babe always has to be immensely uninterested the first time the guy comes up to her. In fact, she has to fix her face like his mouth is smelling.
After the babe shows her disinterest, the guy cannot just walk away like a sensible person. This is where he has to creepily stalk her until she finally realises that she actually likes him.
The music videos for songs about an artist’s “one and only” are always filled with multiple love interests, and if that doesn’t teach you the importance of side pieces, what will?
If Nigerian music videos are to be believed, there are only two ideal places for a date: a beach and an arcade. We dare anyone not to fall for you when you take them there.
For whatever reason, a parked car (a very expensive one, of course) is the most ideal place for lovers to chill and lovingly stare into each other’s eyes in slow motion.
According to all the Nigerian music videos we’ve seen, it seems nothing bonds a new couple faster than awkwardly dancing together in the middle of a large empty space.
A dark-skinned woman as the love interest? Nigerian music videos can’t relate. That means when you go to find love, your only option is the lightest woman out there.
Is it even love if you aren’t fighting and making up every other day? According to Nigerian music videos, it’s not. Real love is screaming, breaking shit and apologising with a hug.
No matter how prudent we try to be with our money, we all have that one thing that always finds a way to drain our account — from our love of food to our obsession with fashion. So, we created a quiz that tells you exactly what your financial Achilles heel is.
Take to find out:
After paying to get Lagos, you see that you got posted to Zamfara or Nassarawa. This is the single greatest commander of the super B.O.J.
Will Davido come to any camp that is not Lagos camp? You kid.
After putting in to study Medicine and then seeing the admission list for you to study Newspaper science.
I hear you can’t read this Zikoko article without screaming.
Spoiler: One person slept with the bride, groom, bride’s brother. Click here to see for yourself.
If you have ever been on a plane with Nigerians during turbulence you understand what I am talking about.
Number 1-5, I can’t answer any. God.
Your mates that meow, do they have two heads?
“Blood of Jesus! so you want to beat me?” – African parent, 1960.
You need to cover yourself with protection because this city is trying to kill you. From traffic congestion on the road to Okada ban to pointing elected officers, you need to be covered. And what better to cover yourself with?
