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  • “Don’t grow up, it’s a trap” but we didn’t listen. Now, here we are, all grown, reading this post about a time we wanted to so desperately leave behind.

    Here are some things we now miss:

    1) Exchange rate.

    I miss the days of 1 Dollar = 150 Naira.

    2) Proper holidays.

    I can’t believe I ever complained about being free from June till August without having money worries. I am sorry, Mum and Dad.

    3) Being carefree.

    Need that child-like lack of awareness during these Corona over-information times.

    4) Saturday morning cartoons.

    I can’t remember the last time I gave something my complete attention like this.

    5) Birthday excitement.

    This used to be exciting to look forward to because of sharing of cake and biscuits with friends. And especially not giving your haters anything.

    6) Looking forward to Sundays.

    As a child, Sunday = Jollof rice and enjoyment.

    As an adult, Sunday = Office email and plan for the week.

    7) Copious amounts of restless energy.

    The older you get, the more tired you become. Because I recall a time where I could do 5 intense activities in a day and not get tired. However, these days, if I climb the stairs twice, it’s a wrap for that day.

    What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

  • Due to the rising number of reported Coronavirus cases in Nigeria, more and more people are smartly beginning to practise social distancing and self-isolation to help reduce the spread.

    What does that mean for the sexually active adults amongst us? Well, according to a memo released by the NYC Health Department, the safest options are masturbation and live-in partners.

    https://twitter.com/chrissyford/status/1241341554742214656

    So, with that in mind, we decided to ask seven Nigerians about how the virus has affected their sex lives so far. From relying on self-pleasure to just taking the risk, here are the answers we got:

    Tobi, 25/Male/Straight 

    About a month ago, I hooked up with an old acquaintance and the sex was truly mind-blowing. So, we’ve been consistently hooking up at least once a week since then.

    The virus hasn’t really slowed us down, but we both try to stay home prior to the knacks — at least, I hope she does. I feel comfortable risking it because she is self-employed, so I don’t have to worry about her going into an office and bringing back the virus.

    James, 30/Male/Gay

    I’ve been single for the past year, so whenever I need to scratch that itch, I just chat up a random guy on one of the dating apps on my phone. If we vibe, then we make plans to hook up. 

    With the virus in town, that’s no longer an option. I don’t know how cautious these guys are, and I’m not horny enough to risk it. So, I’ve turned to my first love, masturbation. My only worry is that if this pandemic lasts any longer, my dick might actually fall off. 

    Ada, 35/Female/Straight

    Self-isolation hasn’t changed my sex life because I wasn’t really getting any to begin with. Right now, I’m more worried about the virus, my kids, supplies at home and getting work done. 

    I’m very anxious, and while I know that sex would be a good way to relax, I’m not interested in adding that to my list of tasks. I’m also not trying to get pregnant again. 

    Honestly, the main way this is affecting my sex life is that I can’t go out, have fun, feel hot and flirt with all the boys I want to. That’s where I usually get my kicks.

    Damilola, 27/Female/Bisexual

    I was actually having a bit of a dry spell for most of the year.  I was originally trying to get my shit together and stop hooking up with this dude that was very clearly bad for me. 

    Well, since social distancing started, I’ve been very bored. So, yeah, I hit him up and I’ve managed to have more sex in the past two weeks than I have all year. I do make him shower intensely before we do anything though.

    Rotimi, 26/Male/Straight

    For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been sleeping with one babe once a week, and the virus hasn’t changed anything. To be honest, I know we are both being very careless right now. 

    She’s actually more at risk because she’s been self-isolating and I’m still going into work. I recently asked her if she was worried about it, but she just laughed it off. Who am I to complain if she’s fine with it?

    Chinny, 33/Female/Straight

    Before the virus hit, my husband was at work more often than not, so sex only happened when we could find the time (without being interrupted by our baby). 

    Now, due to remote work, he’s at home while our nanny is still available. So, she can take care of the baby while we go and be as useless as we want. I’m even not sure what it is, but I’ve been so much hornier this period.

    David, 28/Male/Straight

    I’ve been intentionally celibate for most of the year, but I just recently decided to call that off — yes, right in the middle of a pandemic — and have sex again. 

    I know it’s a gamble, but it’s one I’m willing to make. We are both very careful about social distancing and all that, so I believe (and hope) that the chances of us infecting each other are low.

    If you would like to read more Sex Life stories, you can click right here.

  • Are you a relentless cheater, a once-in-a-while cheater or none of the above? No need to answer that. This quiz actually knows how often you cheat when you’re in a relationship.

    Take and be exposed:

  • “There is no knowledge that is wasted – Mortal Kombat.”

    We live in strange times and we need strange measures. This is the regime of handwashing with soap and clean water and in the absence of that, the use of hand sanitizers.

    Amidst, all of the Covid-19 panic, I went to the pharmacy to stock up on hand sanitizers and I discovered it had been exhausted. I searched for hours and resigned myself to just washing my hands until I found a “Do It Yourself” video on how to make hand sanitizers at home. It completely blew my mind away and I am sharing this with the hope that it helps someone as much as it has helped me.

    PS: This is not to serve any other purpose than for personal use.

    For starters, you’ll need these:

    how to make hand sanitizers

    You can get Methylated Spirit at your local Pharmacy for N200 or less.

    how to make hand sanitizers

    Aloe vera gel can also be purchased from your local pharmacy.

    how to make hand sanitizers

    Glycerin oil is used as a preservative for making cakes. So, check a cake shop.

    how to make hand sanitizers

    After getting these, you then need to check out this awesome video for the step by step process on how to go about making your own. Also, for how to add fragrances to give it a good smell, read the comments.

    Happy watching and don’t forget to share!

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B94MKS7nKKV/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

    What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

  • With the increase of Coronavirus cases in Nigeria last week, so came an increase in the number of articles with Coronavirus headlines churned out by many publications. Because I like worrying, I went through all of them and a thing I noticed was how batshit a lot of them are.

    Here are 5 of the funniest ones I saw.

    1) This one about the Nigerian police.

    In an unintentionally hilarious statement, the Inspector General of Police, Mohammed Adamu, told Nigerians to stay the fuck away from police stations everywhere because of Miss Rona’s wrath, saying to only come when it’s absolutely necessary. This makes no sense because, given the way Nigerian police treats civilians, NO ONE goes to their stations except it’s absolutely necessary. And even then, they hardly ever do anything helpful.

    2) This one about the governor of Abia State.

    In a video that will forever exist on the internet as proof of Nigeria having idiots as leaders, the governor of Abia State, Okezie Victor Ikpeazu, proclaimed that the one reason his state won’t feel Miss Rona’s wrath is that Abia State is the only state mentioned in the bible.

    3) This one about the governor of Ekiti State and the civil servants.

    This headline garnered a collective “LOL” from Nigerians everywhere because everyone knows civil servants don’t do shit on a normal day, talk less of these uncertain times we’re in.

    4) This one about confessions in the Catholic church.

    Do you mean to tell me that I’ve been giving random priests premium gist about my life when I could’ve been doing this?! WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME?!

    5) This one about the NIMC.

    After seeing this, all of Nigerian Twitter came together to ask the important question: “HAVE THEY EVER BEEN OPEN??”. If you’re a Nigerian who has ever tried getting their National Identity Card, you’ll understand why that question was asked.

    6) This one about the Nigerian Railway Service.

    LOL

    Did we miss any other funny Coronavirus headlines? Let us know in the comments.

    What’s up, Zikoko Fam? It would mean the world to us if you spared a few minutes to fill this Reader Survey. It’s so we can bring you the content you really want!

  • Depending on the kind of person you are, staying in one relationship for a long time could be easy and fulfilling or torturous and unsatisfying. So, we’ve created a quiz that can guess the longest relationship you’ve ever been in.

    Take to find out:

  • It’s no news that miss Rona is in town. And part of the requirements of avoiding miss Rona’s wrath is social distancing. What this means is that if your company or industry can afford to, they have probably issued a work from home statement.

    remote work Coronavirus

    Alas, we all know we live in a peculiar place with peculiar problems (did someone at the back shout Nepa, Politicians, and Healthcare?). So, what do you need to effectively work from home and not lose your source of income?

    remote work Coronavirus

    Hop in.

    It’s very important to continue the same morning rituals even when working from home.

    remote work Coronavirus

    Usual drag yourself out of bed – check.

    Cry about adulting in the shower – check.

    Wear cloth and spray perfume – check.

    It’s crucial that even when you are working from home you maintain the same morning routine because this shifts your brain from rest mode to work mode. Also, getting a dedicated space which is not your bed or room to work from counts. These things help significantly boost your productivity.

    Open a mini-filling station.

    remote work Coronavirus

    Three things are certain in life: Death, Taxes, and Nigeria disappointing you. The form it takes, in this case, is in the form of Nepa. It is just out of self-preservation to have copious amounts of petrol that can be safely stored on stand by. This is to make sure all your gadgets are sufficiently charged for work. To be fore-warned is to be fuel-armed.

    Do what you have struggled to do with your Nigerian parents – Establish boundaries.

    remote work Coronavirus

    Because of the absence of traffic to remind you that you are going to work and re-remind you that you are done for the day, it’s easy to fall down a rabbit hole. This means spending more time working than you usually would. You can end up working from morning till the next day and ruining your already almost ruined work-life balance. Set an alarm for closing time and also buy a whistle. Once the alarm rings, blow the whistle like referees do to signal the end of a match. It’s important to establish a boundary and find balance.

    Keep up with office gist.

    remote work Coronavirus

    Don’t let working out of the office stop you from hearing sweet gist. Since everyone is working from wherever that is not the office, there’s no chance for lunch banter and elevator gist. Fix this by keeping in touch via Slack, Zoom, or whatever channel you communicate with at work. Keeping in touch can help with isolation that comes from working alone. Also, don’t let remote work kill your office husband/wife romance.

    Finally, say hi to your nosey neighbour.

    remote work Coronavirus

    Every morning, you dash out only to return late at night. Now is the time to get to know your neighbours who have probably been wondering why you think you are better than them. Take regular intervals from work to go outside and stretch and maybe say hi to your neighbours (If you shake them, wash your hands with soap and clean water oh). A change of scenery can help with the fatigue that comes from being in the house all day.

    How prepared are you for the Coronavirus? Take this quiz to find out, and don’t forget to share it with people who need to see it.

  • It could be because of the way you carry yourself or some unsubstantiated rumour they heard about you a while ago, but the chances that you have haters is super high. So, we’ve created a quiz that tells you the president of your haters association.

    Take to find out:

  • Yesterday, we got information about a new case of Coronavirus in Nigeria. In addition, we also got the decision of the Nigerian Government on Covid-19 thanks to the meeting by the Presidential Task Force On Coronavirus. Part of this decision is a travel ban on countries with more than 1000 reported Covid-19 cases.

    Today, the Federal Ministry of Health just announced 5 new cases in addition to the previously discovered ones and here’s what we know about the latest development:

    1) These are totally new cases independent of the previously reported ones.

    Coronavirus in Nigeria

    They had a travel history to some of the banned countries on this list.

    2) Risk assessment measures and contact tracing are ongoing.

    Coronavirus in Nigeria

    Contact tracing means tracking everyone the infected person has been in touch with to reduce the risk of these people spreading the virus. Read more about it here.

    3) The Nigerian Center For Disease Control will provide continuous updates and advice as they know more.

    Coronavirus in Nigeria

    Don’t panic and don’t spread the wrong information.

    So, while we await updates, let’s all remember to take the necessary precautions:

  • Climbing the scale can be a stressful experience, and depending on your goal — lose weight or gain weight — the number you see can ruin your mood. So, instead of climbing that scale today, you can just have us tell you your weight based on your meal choices for a full day.

    Give it a shot: