• No morals were harmed in the making of this post. With that out the way, Kids, do not try this at home. Or in a bank for that matter.

    1) Opotoyi?

    When you finally request for your statement of account and see the cost of SMS charges per month.

    2) Control the crowd. Control the crowd.

    When one too many people are claiming “I am at your back.” You have to control them and maintain peace.

    3) Oteselebo.

    This is for when you deposit money into the wrong account and the person doesn’t want to refund it. It’s a warning that you are willing to go spiritual.

    4) Mafo.

    How you calm yourself after Customer care says that ATM dispense error reversals take 14 working days to effect.

    5) Inside life.

    When your bank refunds your failed foreign transaction in Naira. But they used a lower exchange rate than you bought at for the refund.

    6) Gbese Gbese.

    When you enter the bank just as the security man is about to stop people from entering for the day.

  • There are three categories of people. You are either working from home, staying at home, or an essential worker. For people who work from home, it has been 30 long days. Or is it 21days? we no longer remember.

    In my stay at home, I have experienced extreme mental states; anxiety, apathy, happiness, lethargy. Curious about how other people are faring, I spoke to a couple of Nigerians.

    Here’s what they had to say:

    Victor, 21 – Slack notifications make me anxious.

    “Every time I hear the message notification from Slack, I start to panic. “Are they finally laying us off?” “Are we going to be placed on compulsory leave?” So many scenarios playing in my head. To be honest, I don’t know if we will get paid this month. As a precaution, I didn’t spend last month’s salary. Still, I ask myself, if I lose my job, how long can my savings sustain me for? Wo, I don’t like the answer so I distract myself with Social media. “

    Jessica, 26 – There are no boundaries.

    “I feel choked. I feel like I work round the clock these days. My manager actually sends me emails by midnight and says “immediate attention.” It’s the middle of the night for goodness sake. I want to draw a healthy boundary with her but I remember my time unemployed. I can never go back to that time. I will rather be worried that I may sleep off and miss an email than be unemployed. I need to be jobless for 7 days stretch with the assurance of salary come what may.”

    Kayode, 25 – I took a loan but we got salary cuts.

    “I love my job. I really do. My colleagues are amazing, I live near work. What’s not to love? I have even refused various offers just to stay with the company. My dilemma now is that we are in a financial crisis and there have been salary cuts. Senior staff like me got a salary cut to make sure no one in the organization gets fired. This is nice and noble but I was banking on my full salary to make rent. My rent is due in two months and I have no clue how to get it. I would have left if things were normal but this is a terrible time to be unemployed.

    I wake up every day with panic attacks. I can’t work, I can’t look for work. I feel so numb and helpless. The only time I feel alive is when I masturbate and that’s all of four seconds. I can’t possibly masturbate all day because I want to feel alive – it’s not sustainable.”

    Tolu, 22 – I feel frustrated.

    “I am tired of being tired. Everything just dey frustrate me. At first, work from home was intense but now all our clients are on hold. So, I feel restless and anxious. I can’t sleep in the day because I am worried about work. “How will they determine who they fire?” “Shebi I did well last month?” I can’t sleep at night because vigilante people are busy burning tyres and blowing whistles up and down the street. My recurrent nightmare is that they robbed our house.

    Last night, I tried to listen to the sound of rain to fall asleep. At one point, I was scared that since I was using earphones, I wouldn’t hear if someone broke in. So, I removed my earphones and spent the whole night in a ball of anxiety. I kept jumping at every noise.”

    Kenny, 24 – I feel fine.

    “I feel fine but I don’t think it’s because of something I did. I think I am just one of those people who don’t fret. I take each day as it comes. I control what I can control which is showing up. Any task, I can’t finish in a day, I roll it over to the next day. I think my biggest worry is what I will eat because I am lazy. Apart from that, I am not bothered about most things. As I said, it’s not something that is deliberate, it’s just how I am. Shout out to my mum and dad for the sweet genes.”

  • WhatsApp groups are always wild and stressful, but none come close to the drama of one filled with your family members. So, here are 13 things you’ll get if you’re in a family WhatsApp group.

    1. When you first got added to the family WhatsApp group.

    Hay God! Why now?

    2. When your mother forwards her ninth BC of the day.

    Can we ban this woman?

    3. You, waking up to see 200 unread messages:

    You people don’t sleep?

    4. When someone comes to drop extended family gist.

    Now, we’re talking.

    5. When a heated argument breaks out in the group.

    Always best to just stay out of it.

    6. When you send a message and everyone ignores you.

    Wow! Is it like that?

    7. How everyone reacts when someone leaves the group:

    You people should calm down, abeg.

    8. You, with every single video sent to the group:

    I don’t have data for this.

    9. You, when someone is getting dragged in the group:

    Thank God it’s not me.

    10. You, after muting the group for small peace of mind.

    Finally!

    11. How the entire family troops in to wish someone “Happy Birthday”:

    Can’t you send a private message?

    12. When your parents use the group to chat with each other.

    Get a room, please.

    13. When you meet someone whose family doesn’t have a WhatsApp group.

    Not sure if I should be sad for you or jealous.

  • For unknown reasons, we gathered very real Common Entrance past questions to see if you’re smarter than the average JSS 1 student. There are 10 English questions, 5 Science questions, 5 Social Studies questions and 10 Mathematics questions in this quiz.

    Show yourself:

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  • We live in uncertain times and that can be scary. What if we promised you some form of certainty? Every day by 12 noon, we’ll bring you the latest updates on the fight against the Covid-19, both in Nigeria and Africa.


    Nigeria’s Update from the past 24 hours:

    As of yesterday, 12/04/2020, these are the number of reported cases in Nigeria.

    The discharge rate is extremely inspiring and is also a source of hope.

    Africa’s Stats:

    Visit www.coronafacts.africa for the latest updates on the fight against Corona in Africa.

    Today’s dilemma:

    Lassa fever is back in Nigeria. This is the worst time for us to battle two highly infectious diseases at once.

    Follow the NCDC for adequate tips and information on how to stay safe.

    Today’s myth debunked:

    There is currently no vaccine for the Coronavirus. Please disregard all rumors.

    Read the full thing here.

    Zikoko’s pro-tip of the day:

    Count all the things you are grateful for. A positive mindset will help during these trying times.

    Stay updated:

    Head over to Zikoko’s brand new site www.coronafacts.africa for the latest and factual news on the efforts against Coronavirus.

  • We live in uncertain times and that can be scary. What if we promised you some form of certainty? Every day by 12 noon, we’ll bring you the latest updates on the fight against the COVID-19, both in Nigeria and Africa.


    Nigeria’s Update from the past 24 hours:

    As of yesterday, 9/04/2020, these are the number of reported cases in Nigeria.

    Compared to yesterday, the discharge stats are encouraging.

    Africa’s Stats:

    Visit www.coronafacts.africa for the latest updates on the fight against Corona in Africa.

    Today’s dilemma:

    As part of the efforts by the Nigerian Government to stop the spread of COVID-19, is there going to be a nationwide lockdown? We’ll know after the meeting today with President Buhari.

    Read the full thing here.

    The Ministry of Power also had this to say:

    https://twitter.com/PowerMinNigeria/status/1248520355846721536?s=20

    Nigeria, which way?

    Zikoko’s pro-tip of the day:

    Follow one or more of these tips to boost your immunity. Stay at home but also stay healthy.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B-wyHYwFVE8/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

    Stay updated:

    Head over to Zikoko’s brand new site www.coronafacts.africa for the latest and factual news on the efforts against Coronavirus.

  • 1. You, after eating your 7th meal before 6pm:

    I clearly need help.

    2. What your sink looks like right now:

    Those plates better get up and wash themselves.

    3. When you smell yourself after refusing to bath for days.

    I’ve not even done anything, why am I smelling?

    4. You, after eating all your lockdown snacks in one day:

    I’m clearly a clown.

    5. You, gisting with your wall after day 10:

    “So, what’s it like holding up the roof?”

    6. Your brain every 10 seconds:

    You know what time it is.

    7. You, having your third mental breakdown in the day:

    Somebody save me.

    8. When you see people online going out and ignoring the lockdown.

    So, me that I’m at home, I’m daft?

    9. When you see people enjoying lockdown with their partners.

    Get out of my face with your love.

    10. You, trying to convince yourself to work out:

    “Just do one jumping jack, bro.”

    11. When you realise your feet haven’t touched the floor in days.

    Get your shit together.

    12. You, trying to remember what day of the week it is:

    Is it Saturday or Thursday?

    13. You, watching your house shrink with each passing day:

    Has my house always been this small?

  • We live in uncertain times and that can be scary. What if we promised you some form of certainty? Every day by 12 noon, we’ll bring you the latest updates on the fight against the COVID-19, both in Nigeria and Africa


    Nigeria’s Update from the past 24 hours:

    As of yesterday, 7/04/2020, these are the number of reported cases in Nigeria.

    The discharge rate is still very inspiring.

    Africa’s Stats:

    Coronavirus Covid-19

    Visit www.coronafacts.africa for real-time updates on the numbers in Africa.

    Vaccine Update:

    There have been racist remarks suggesting that Africa serves as a testing ground for the Coronavirus. The Director-General of the World Health Organization; Dr. Tedros Adhanom Ghebreyesus has come out to say such a thing will not happen. He has also rebuked the French doctors who suggested this.

    Coronavirus Covid-19

    Read the full thing here.

    Zikoko’s pro-tip of the day:

    Don’t text your ex. This too will pass. Here are other things you can do to kill time.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B-o6YqblC-7/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

    Stay updated:

    Stay updated with the latest and factually correct news on COVID-19 by visiting Coronafacts.africa. Our brand new site for the most interactive and easy to read Corona updates.

    Because we love you:

    We made some of the best explainer videos in various languages like Yoruba, Pidgin, Hausa, Igbo, Esan. Click here to get started.

    Enjoy the pidgin version below:


    Come back tomorrow by 12 pm for more updates and tips on COVID-19. We will beat this!

  • We live in uncertain times and that can be scary. What if we promised you some form of certainty? Every day by 12 noon, we’ll bring you the latest updates on the fight against the Covid-19, both in Nigeria and globally.


    Covid 19 update in Nigeria

    Nigeria’s Update from the past 24 hours:

    As of yesterday, 6/04/2020, these are the number of reported cases in Nigeria.

    The discharge ratio has increased which is encouraging, but there is also an increase in the number of new cases. We wait and observe.

    Worldwide stats:

    We are experiencing a worldwide increase in both new cases and death rates.

    Covid update in Nigeria

    Today’s good news:

    In the battle against the greatest virus which is misinformation, this is good news:

    Covid 19 update in Nigeria

    One giant leap for the truth. Read the full thing here.

    Zikoko’s pro-tip for the day:

    Stay home if you have no important reason to leave your house today. Here are some tips on how to occupy your time.

    https://www.instagram.com/p/B-rQlD2l3Ts/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

    Stay updated:

    Stay updated with the latest and factually correct news on COVID-19 by visiting Coronafacts.africa. If you need a reason to visit, just know that we are endorsed by the Africa Centre for Disease Control. 😎

    Because we love you:

    We made some of the best explainer videos in various languages like Yoruba, Pidgin, Hausa, Igbo, Esan. Click here to get started.


    Come back tomorrow by 12 pm for more updates and tips on COVID-19. We will beat this!

  • One more 5G network conspiracy theory and I will be sick. Do you know what kills faster than fear? Wrong information.

    There is a fraudulent message being passed around on Whatsapp that 5G network causes Coronavirus and that’s just tragic. The message is spreading faster than it takes for souvenirs to finish at a Yoruba wedding, so that’s alarming.

    Yesterday, the Nigeria Communications Commission which is tasked with providing efficient communication services in the country debunked rumors that 5G is linked to Coronavirus.

    Here are some important points from the briefing:

    What is 5G network?

    5G network danger

    In summary, 5G is 4G’s elder brother.

    Should I be worried about 5G?

    5G network danger

    Nothing to be worried about.

    Does 5G cause Coronavirus?

    5G network danger

    No, it doesn’t.

    Who owns 5G network?

    5G network danger

    It belongs to no one and it also belongs to everyone.


    I hope with these few points of mine, I have been able to convince and not confuse you that 5G is not our problem. As Nigerians, we have endless options of problems to pick from so let’s not manufacture non-existent ones.

    Take your mind off all these wahala and get lost in articles of happiness below: