It’s only in Nigeria that a house described as “luxury” will lack parking space, running water, and have a kitchen the size of a broom closet.
If I had a Naira for every time a Nigerian politician has commissioned an “ultra-modern” thing that ended up being an incredibly regular version of said thing, I would have enough money to japa.
This reminds me of when a boat company put out a flyer charging N500,000 for couple’s cruise with a “gourmet” dinner that was just fried yam and sauce.
This one is on the same table with luxury. When Nigerians say a thing is “state of the art,” I can assure you that said thing is at least 3 models behind.
Do you know how many super corrupt people have dedicated themselves to the “fight against anti-corruption”? I laugh in deceit.
It will always bother me that the definition of “youth” in this country somehow includes middle-aged people. Everywhere you look, there are 45-year-olds leading youth groups.
If the hospitals the government has been are “world class” as they claim, why do they keep flying out of the country medical procedures?
The number of charlatans out in these streets collecting money from people in the name of “master class” only to dish out generic information from page 1 of Google’s search results will blow your mind.
“Patronise XYZ Real Estate. We rent out housesweekly or monthly at uniquely affordable rates. Our first house is N350,000 A NIGHT…”
Aspirational marketing strikes again.
Give me a moment. I have to go check on the group of Instagram clothing venders that fell off the table I just broke.
This one goes out to all the people who start skincare lines out of nowhere (probably as a last resort) and keep screaming “organic” up and down when they paid people to make the products and don’t even know what’s in them.
I’ve come to the conclusion that some restaurants just slap “bistro” at the end of their name so they can charge ridiculous amounts for their terribly mediocre food.
Transport fare takes like half of everyone’s stash. But some Nigerian states have cheaper t-fares than others sha. Keep this list in mind when you’re trying to relocate. Selah.
7. Taraba – N150
6. Ondo – N144.17
6. Osun – N144.17
4. Sokoto – N135
3. Plateau – N105
2. Anambra – N96.25
1. Bauchi – N85
All facts are sourced from the Nigerian Bureau of Statistics (NBS) ‘Transport Fare Watch’ 2019. Find it here.
The quiz is straight forward. Each question has an excerpt from a famous person’s Wikipedia page. You just have to guess which famous person these correlate with.
GOOD LUCK!
First, we gave you the Nigerian states capital quiz and you ate it up. Now, it’s just the States alone. How do you think you’ll perform? In just 1 minute, unscramble at least 13/15 states before you run out of time.
Give it a try below:
Questions
This is a question
You got #{score}/#{total}
This is horrendous!
You got #{score}/#{total}
You could have definitely done better!
You got #{score}/#{total}
You’re too brilliant.
Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.
Look, “The Lost Okoroshi” is not the only thing that is being lost nowadays. Just two days ago, Nigeria made its closing argument in an Italian Court over an oil case that has spanned 22 years and has cost us roughly 2 trillion naira in bad deals.
Below, we give a quick snapshot of the most important moments in the Malabu Oil/OPL 245 scandal. Your fave, Hushpupppi, could never. Trust me.
March 10, 1995
Sani Abacha, Nigeria’s military dictator, appoints Dan Etete as Nigeria’s Minister of Petroleum.
April 24, 1998
Daniel Etete forms and registers Malabu Oil and Gas Limited, while serving as Petroleum Minister.
The company has three shareholders: Mohammed Sani Abacha (son of late Sani Abacha), Kweku Amagagha (one of Etete’s alias) and Hassan Hindu (wife of Hassan Lawal, a former Nigerian high commissioner to the UK).
Five days after Malabu Oil and Gas Ltd is formed, Abacha awards OPL 245 and 214 to it. OPL 245 contains 9 billion barrels of oil. Etete pays only $2 million of $20 million ‘signature’ fee.
2001
President Olusegun Obasanjo revokes Malabu’s licence, over corruption investigations. Obasanjo invites International Oil Companies (IOCs) to bid for OPL 245 licence. Shell, who was Malabu oil’s ‘technical partner’ in the previous licence grant wins OPL 245 new licence, after bidding $210m, $150m more than nearest challenger ExxonMobil. Malabu is angry that Shell has ‘acted irresponsibly’ because Shell already had ‘inside knowledge’ of the oil block while serving as their technical partners.
Malabu petitions the national assembly who conclude that the licence grant to Shell was done mala fide (in bad faith), and that the licence should be given back to Malabu Oil and Gas Ltd.
2006
OPL 245 licence reverts back to Malabu Oil after Malabu took the Government to court for failing to comply with the National Assembly’s resolutions.
Case is settled out-of-court with Edmund Daokuru, Nigeria’s Minister of state for petroleum resources confirming that Malabu now has 100% licence of OPL 245. Reports say Malabu paid a $210 million signature bonus.
2009
According to leaked emails, Etete asks Shell to make an offer of 40% stake in OPL 245. Shell’s then Chief Executive officer, Peter Voser allegedly writes: “If at nearly 70 years old he (Etete) turns his nose at $1.2bn, he’s completely certifiable”.
6. 2009
Goodluck Jonathan’s administration confirms Malabu Oil licence holders of OPL 245. Meanwhile, Jonathan was a former tutor to Etete’s kids.
In a series of deals arranged by Diezani Allison Madueke, Shell would pay the $210m signature bonus to the government, then Shell and Eni would pay a further $1.1bn to the government, which would be then paid to Etete and other ‘middlemen’.
Meanwhile, international banks flagged the wire transfer as the government tried to pay Etete his $1.1 billion cut.
7. 2015
Buhari becomes President and EFCC begins investigation of OPL 245 licencing, which it considers “corrupt and bad value”.
8. 2020
Nigeria’s lawyers make closing argument for Nigeria in an Italian court. Says Nigeria should be paid $1.1 billion for all the money lost in the OPL 245 corrupt deals.
9. Summary
An oil block of 9 billion barrels of oil that should have fetched Nigeria over N2 Trillion Naira within the past 22 years has fetched us almost nothing, and our country is still massively underdeveloped. In short, we need to really do better, as a country.
Check back every weekday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.
Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.
The Guardian says that this new agenda is borne out of the fact that Nigeria cannot meet its objectives of becoming one of the 20 most developed economies in the world, as stated in the Vision 20:2020.
But of course we couldn’t. How could we, when the plans were not strictly followed?
This new agenda plans to lift 100 million Nigerians out of poverty within the next ten years, considering that the UN estimates that Nigeria will be the 3rd most populous country by 2050, with a population of over 400 million people.
The president also noted that it had become important to create new plans to the Economic Recovery and Growth Plan, and the Vision 20:2020, all of which lapse this December.
But here’s the thing. Nigeria has still failed to achieve any of the goals set out in its development plans, so what’s the point in proposing another?
The Vision 20:2020 also outlined that Nigeria will be one of the 20 most industrialised countries by 2020, but as at today we’re very far off that line.
Rather than implement new agendas, all we simply want (if I can speak for Nigerians) is that the government shows real, actual commitment towards implementing programs. Talk is cheap. We need the political will to do the work.
So, again, we ask. How will we actually lift 100 million people out of poverty 2050?
*Radio Silence*
Check back everyday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen articles.
If you are a regular in the kitchen then this quiz should be a breeze for you.
Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.
The Edo State Governorship election is on the 20th of September, and it will be interesting to know who governs Edo State for the next four years, including how the winning candidate eventually makes the state better.
Will Adams Oshiomole have his man, Osagie Ize-Iyamu become Governor of Edo State? Or will Godwin Obaskei hold on to a office he decamped to the PDP at the last time for? Importantly, will the lives of Edo indigenes get better over the next four years?
WHY IS THE ELECTION HAPPENING NOW?
Ideally, all the 36 state Governorship elections in Nigeria should be held at the same time every four years, counting from 1999 when Nigeria returned to a democracy. However some states hold their Governorship elections at a different time usually because of election petitions and the judgement of election tribunals.
The different date of the Edo State is because of the 2007 Governorship elections in the state where Adams Oshiomole took Oserhiemen Osunbor to the Edo State Governorship Elections Tribunal over the results of the April 2007 Governorship election in the state.
Right now, candidates from 14 registered political parties are contesting for the Governorship seat of the state, but Godwin Obaseki of the PDP and Pastor Osagie Ize-Iyamu are the most popular candidates.
All the other candidates include:
Edemakhiota Osaimiamia, Action Alliance (AA), Reuben Edokpayi, African Democratic Congress (ADC), Emmanuel Obio, African Democratic Party (ADP), Lucky Idehen, All Progressives Grand Alliance (APGA), Igbineweka Osmimuede, Allied Peoples Movement (APM); Amos Areloegbe, Accord Party (AP), Isaiah kosifu, Labour Party (LP), Jonathan Enobhaysobo, New Nigeria Peoples Party (NNPP); Stevie Ozono, National Rescue Movement (NRM); Felix Obayangbon, Social Democratic Party (SDP); Jones Osagiobare, Young Progressives Party (YPP), and Akhalamhe Amiemenoghena, Zenith Labour Party (ZLP).
WHAT ARE THEIR CAMPAIGN PROMISES?
The current Governor of Edo State is running under the campaign theme “Make Edo Great Again (MEGA)”. At the launch of his reelection campaign in July, he stated: “We are going to be introducing a lot of technology. We are going to make sure that programmes we are starting particularly with agriculture, youth employment, we are going to insist that we are going to continue in that path. Edo will be the business and economic hub of the country”.
During Obaseki’s first Governorship tenure, he got to office by campaigning on 37 promises — but the question of whether he has substantially fulfilled a majority of those promises still remains.
Meanwhile, Pastor Osagie Ize-Iyamu of the APC is running for office on what he calls the SIMPLE agenda, which is an acronym for: Security, Infrastructural development, Manpower development, Public Private Partnership, Leadership and Employment creation.
He also plans on creating 70,000 jobs in four years, including 10,000 new jobs in the construction, housing and education sectors – within 4 years.
However, these guys have still not given us a detailed plan on how they will achieve these goals. They do not even have a website where their plans and how they will achieve them are properly outlined.
WHAT IS THE INDEPENDENT NATIONAL ELECTORAL COMMISSION (INEC) DOING?
The Independent National Electoral Commission (INEC) is the Government Commission established by Nigeria’s 1999 Constitution to organize elections into various political offices in the country, among other things. Section 15 of the 1999 Constitution gives it this powers.
On September 19, 2020, INEC released a final list of the governorship candidates for the election, including all the deputy governorship candidates and their respective parties.
The Commission has also released a policy on how it will go about conducting elections during the Covid-19 pandemic, including a consideration of the legal issues, health issues and logistics and/or operational issues that have to be factored into conducting elections at this time.
SOME POLITICAL CALCULATIONS
Edo State has always been a politically charged state, especially considering that all states in the South-South Geopolitical zone are now run by governors in the PDP. So, this presents the only chance for the APC to win back a state in that geo-political zone of the country.
Actually, Godwin Obaseki of the PDP was initially elected on the platform of the APC. However, he was disqualified from the Party’s primary elections, on the grounds that his academic certificates were incomplete. Pastor Ize-Iyamu (who was formerly in the PDP) then became flag-bearer of the APC in the September 29 Governorship election, with Obaseki joining the PDP at the very last minute.
The political situation of things in Edo State is ascribed by many people to Adams Oshiomole, a former Governor of the state, who is said to have found ways to disqualify Obaseki from re-contesting under the APC in the state after both of them fell out. Many say Oshiomole brought Obaseki to become Governor of the state but fell out with him after some differences. Oshiomole now supports Ize-Iyamu to be Governor of Edo State, a former Secretary to the government of the state whom he once abused in the run-up to the 2016 Governorship elections in the state.
ISSUES OF ELECTION VIOLENCE, VOTER SUPPRESSION AND VOTE BUYING
There has been prominent issues of election violence leading up to the elections in Edo State. The situation of things have gotten so bad that the Oba of Benin, Oba Ewuare 2, had to invite all the candidates, including the two major aspirants to his palace to plead with them to “reduce the political temperature” in the state. Lately, the Edo State House of Assembly has also been drawn into all sorts of crisis, all of which is not unconnected from the upcoming election in the state.
Also, voter suppression and vote buying still remain major issues in Nigerian elections. It is hoped that this election will witness significant changes in these vices, and that a free and fair election can happen, so that the votes of the people can count.
Check back everyday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen articles.
I feel like every single person that grew up in Nigeria had the same childhood. So, that’s why this quiz shouldn’t be too difficult.
Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.
Yesterday, we wrote about the increase in fuel prices, why it is coming at this time, including its possible implications for fuel marketers, traders and everyone. We have also written about the hike in electricity prices and the reasons why electricity is being increased at this period. But still, the electricity and fuel price increase don’t look like they will stop generating a lot of controversy all over the country anytime soon.
Tea Protest
As at this morning, there are reports that Senators are protesting the fuel price hike, stating that their constituents deem them “rubber stamp senators” by acceding to everything the Buhari government does, and that there could be an emergency sitting next week to review these twin prices in fuel and electricity. And while the Nigerian Labour Congress have stated the government is “taking us for a ride” and how there can’t be “industrial peace and harmony” with this directive, other political leaders have voiced support for the price increases, including Dapo Abiodun, the Governor of Ogun State. Atiku Abubakar and Kingsley Moghalu have also criticised and supported the increases respectively.
Why Is Fuel Subsidy Always A Recurring Issue?
Look, the exact origins of fuel subsidy are still lost in the pages of history. The most plausible origin story out there is that the Babangida regime introduced a fuel subsidy for 6 months to reduce rising oil prices. I have even sat through a TV interview where the the person being interviewed challenged the interviewer to go do his research and pull out any law backing fuel subsidy in Nigeria – and that there is absolutely none.
Be that as it may, it is clear and somewhat ironical that a policy without legal backing is arguably the most believed policy in Nigeria. Nigerians protested like their lives depended on it in 2011 when fuel subsidy was removed and the Jonathan government increased fuel prices from N65 to N97.
And 9 years after, we are still in the same, exact place.
Should Fuel Subsidy Be Removed? (Well, It Actually Has)
Earlier this year, the Minister of State for Petroleum, Timipre Sylva, stated that fuel subsidy has been removed in the country. Using the low oil prices as an opportunity to back out of paying fuel subsidy was an irresistible move, and the Federal Government jumped on the wave appropriately. But , no one really muttered any word against this move – because oil prices were low and the removal couldn’t be felt at the point. PPPRA even reduced oil prices in May.
But here we are, in September, and the reality is finally dawning on all of us. Oil prices are steadily getting back up, FX challenges for oil importation is setting in, and worse, there’s the reality that the subsidy has slowly but surely been removed.
Buy yktv. Nigerians and labour leaders will cry out about fuel subsidies hurting the poor, and this might lead to another round of protests or not. But how I see it, subsiding fuel consumption still does not make sense. We import the fuel we use with hard earned foreign exchange and still try to regulate the price, and it goes on and on.
Worse, the rich Nigerian enjoys this benefit more than the poor. They own, say, 5 cars and use more fuel. Wouldn’t it be smarter if we poured this money into critical road infrastructure, health care and education? And I know many people would rather they paid low oil prices because they can be sure they are at least enjoying government benefit in some way. But this is clearly not sustainable. It is also not the smartest way to use resources, for a poor country like Nigeria.
My educated opinion is that subsidy should be removed. But if Nigeria does not fix the rot in the downstream oil sector, taking away subsidy will feel like choking people. And nobody voted for Kiddwaya. Wait, what?
