• Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    Hey, hope you didn’t buy the Nation newspaper this morning, because, technically what you would have bought was a birthday card.

    Big Flex

    Well, this man here bought the newspaper and here’s what he found – a national birthday card!

    https://twitter.com/oluwatroy_/status/1308140316998983684

    And it slaps harder like a Nigeria soldier if you accompany it with a birthday song:

    What do people think about this trojan horse, sorry newspaper?

    1. Investigate them

    2. This is a free copy, right?

    3. What’s more miserable than wanting read miserable news?

    4) Anger, just anger

    https://twitter.com/ti_lokaytobahd/status/1308297905736876032

    Moral of the story:

    1. When you’re big you’re big.
    2. Anything you see in Nigeria, take it like that.
    3. Know the two things above and know peace.

  • “A Week In The Life” is a weekly Zikoko series that explores the working-class struggles of Nigerians. It captures the very spirit of what it means to hustle in Nigeria and puts you in the shoes of the subject for a week.


    The subject for today is Mr M, a businessman and smuggler. He talks about the risk involved in his job, how bribes affect the prices of goods, and his hope to diversify his source of income.

    MONDAY:

    I wake up with my heart beating very fast. I calm myself down by taking deep breaths. In my dream, I bought large quantities of rice from smugglers who evaded border patrol. Immediately after paying them, customs officers came in and seized the rice. All my money, gone. 

    God forbid.

    This smuggling business is risky — you risk your money, your property and your life. However, if it goes well, it can be highly profitable. Risk varies depending on the part of the smuggling chain you’re in. We have the drivers, who convey the goods from point A to B. These ones risk their lives because they drive at breakneck speeds to avoid being caught. We also have people called crossers. Their job is to ensure that goods successfully cross from point A to B. This involves making “arrangements” with the right officials along a particular route. They risk their time and money because, sometimes, after making all the plans, goods are still seized. Most times, this is due to an unforeseen circumstance like oga from Abuja is around or your money for that day has expired. Then, we have businessmen like me.  I own the goods, the cars, and I pay both the drivers and crossers, so I risk everything. 

    In Nigeria, any profitable business comes with a lot of risks. One of the worst things that can happen is when the car and the goods are seized. 

    Again, God forbid. 

    I’m done with overthinking this early morning. I’m going back to bed.

    TUESDAY:

    Thankfully, there are no bad dreams today. I spend some time thinking about how far I’ve come in this business. I started out as a cab driver and then moved into conveying rice from the border into Nigeria. Then, I gathered some cash and became a businessman who’d buy from people coming from the Seme border.

    Going to the border is a very desperate and dirty job. You can be there for three to five days, sometimes for two weeks and they [customs] may not allow you to pass. As if that’s not bad enough, there are so many processes involved in a single trip.

    The crosser will go-ahead to do the bookings and negotiations. They’ll negotiate a rate with the officers based on the number of cars that are expected to pass through. Because you don’t pay immediately, the next step is getting a tag that drivers present at the checkpoint. We use the tags to know the exact amount of cars to pay for. This is useful in cases where your car doesn’t pass through their checkpoint. I’ve had cases where we booked one checkpoint, but because the officers were fighting with the next checkpoint, they didn’t allow us to pass. Or, you’ll hear that special patrols are monitoring so everyone is playing safe and not allowing cars pass. That way, we don’t pay for services not provided.

    We have people that we call antennas. These are bike men that we pay between ₦3000 — ₦5000/day to be on the lookout for what we call “strange Hiluxes.” These are officers outside of the ones you’ve booked. We mount these antennas at bus stops, and their job is to inform us when they see strange vehicles. They communicate with each other especially in cases where they are trying to get a clear picture of who’s inside the car. 

    You’ll also book [pay] hunters and any other person you think can delay you on the road because you can’t afford any delay while driving.

    I tell people that officers are the cause of increased prices of food. All these payments and bookings are added to the cost of rice. From the border, a bag of rice costs ₦13,500, yet as the direct supplier, I buy for ₦24,000. After I add my profit when reselling, it becomes ₦25,000. By the time the market trader adds their profit and cost of transportation, it becomes ₦27,000. On and on it goes until it gets to the final consumer.

    Nobody needs to tell me that we’re in trouble in this country.

    WEDNESDAY:

    For this job, we build our own cars so they can withstand the load of goods. We change the spring of the car and tyre — we use cargo tyres for trucks. 

    The way you’ll drive a loaded and empty built car differs. For a loaded built car, you can run at a particular speed because that’s when the shock absorbers will work. The car will balance well. However, when you offload the goods, it becomes so light that when you’re climbing anything, you’ll just be hearing gboa! gboa! 

    Some smuggling cars are built for the forest, and their raising is different from the ones built for the express. It’s hard to recognise the cars built for the express because of how neat they usually are. Some drivers even use those ones to do shakara and carry their girlfriends. However, there are some that are God forbid after offloading. You can’t drive them because of how high they get.

    I’m going to spend a large part of my day inspecting the car a mechanic built for me. I sent him some samples, and I’m just hoping that he hasn’t done rubbish. 

    THURSDAY:

    If you ask ten drivers the toughest part of this job, they’ll tell you that it’s the risk. As a driver, you’re always racing against time. I’ve seen too many accidents in this job. 

    One time, one Hilux was pursuing my driver. As he got to the front, road safety people had blocked the road. So, he decided to climb the culvert and that’s how his tyre burst. He lost control of the car and entered the bush. They tracked the trail of his car and still confiscated the goods. 

    Another time, I was following another driver whose tyre burst while at high speed. He lost control and entered into the bush. Thank God we were able to rescue the person. All these even happened when things were still “normal.” Unlike now where everywhere is strict. 

    These days, imported rice is now as restricted as drugs, so we can’t even afford any delay in transit. As the rice is getting to us from the border, we are loading it into vehicles that are taking it straight for sale. In the past, we’d store them at home and load at our own pace, but we don’t have that grace anymore. 

    You can’t even keep a bag of rice at home because customs are now bursting into houses. I know of someone that they broke into his house to seize two bags of rice. 

    All this has made we business owners instruct our drivers to move fast. Like today, one of my antennas told me that one strange Hilux was headed my way. So, I instructed my drivers that they had only one hour to move my goods from point of collection to point of sale. They have only one job: don’t get caught. 

    I know that this can increase the chances of an accident, but it is what it is.

    FRIDAY:

    Today, I can’t stop thinking about how easy it is for this business to cease. There are three things the government can do to end us totally: they can impose free duty on these imported goods so that it’s accessible to everyone. This eliminates the need for smuggling and bribes that increase the price of these goods. If there’s competition, the prices will become so cheap for everyone.

    They can also subsidise the cost of buying the goods. That way, the government can even regulate the price across board. If it’s government-approved, there will be no hiding and there’ll be no need for smugglers. 

    They can also do proper enforcement. This way, even if you bring in half plastic of rice, they’ll come for you. This one will require a combination of army and customs officer. Customs guys can’t shoot like that but if you try to do anyhow, army will show you pepper. 

    Anyhow sha, banning without proper enforcement is where we see our own money because of scarcity. The government is just wasting their time with border closure and enriching people. During border closure, rice went from ₦11,500 per bag to ₦27,500. Some people move as many as 500 bags every week. Imagine the gain per week. There’s no price regulation, so you can sell at any price you want. Even the customs officers and the military men have joined the business because of how profitable it is.

     I’m going to spend my day thinking about other sources of income. I know that this will not last forever. This is the kind of business that you use to raise capital for another business. It’s not something to do for long. Even though I can’t stop wondering: what business can someone do in this Nigeria that will even fetch good money?


    Editor’s note: Name and details changed to protect the identity of the subject. Mr M is a graduate and he says unemployment led him to this job.

    Check back every Tuesday by 9 am for more “A Week In The Life ” goodness, and if you would like to be featured or you know anyone who fits the profile, fill this form.

  • The Independent National Electioral Commission (INEC) has declared Godwin Obaseki as the winner of the Edo Governorship elections.

    Obaseki got 307, 955 votes while his nearest challenger, Osagie Ize-Iyamu polled 223, 619 votes to emerge winner of the elections. He was announced by Prof Akpofureh Rim-Rukeh, the Resident Electoral Commissioner for the elections, as the winner of the gubernatorial elections.

    Reactions

    Godwin Obaseki gave a victory speech after emerging winner of the elections:

    Meanwhile, his nearest challenger, Pastor Osagie Ize-Iyamu has already conceded defeat in the elections:

    https://twitter.com/ize_osagie/status/1307655733840949249

    We wrote about the elections previously, and we will be looking at reactions to the election in the coming days.


    Read: Why The Edo State election Is Jazzing Up

  • Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    Perhaps it skipped your attention

    The Imo State Government has passed a new Administration of Criminal Justice Laws No 2 of 2020. But criminal justice laws are supposed to be routine.

    Except that buried somewhere in Section 484 of the law is a hilarious and terrifying clause that gives the Governor the right to detain anyone at his “pleasure”. The person may also be discharged at any time by the Governor “on licence”.

    Imo state

    What does the constitution say?

    Section 35 of Nigeria’s 1999 constitution states that every person shall be entitled to his personal liberty, and no person can be denied of that, except in certain conditions – which at pleasure of a state Governor isn’t one.

    Section 34 of the constitution also talks about the dignity of the human person, while Section 41 of the constitution decalares that Nigerian citizens have a freedom to move freely.

    It is clear that this law contradicts the foundational law of Nigeria (or grund norm) and is unconstitutional.

    What are they drinking in Imo State?

    Right now, lawmakers in Imo State are arguing amongst themselves about who sponsored the law and who didn’t.

    Well, that is none of our concern. Let them save their own human dignity by repealing or amending this law, or whatever it is.

  • Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    In case, you slept yesterday afternoon and suddenly woke up this morning, well, good morning. But a lot has happened.

    The Federal Government directed that all Nigerians should go to all the banks they have an account in and fill something called a “Self Certification Form”. They say the BVN, National ID, Voter’s Card, Drivers Licence, National Passport and all the other data we have in this country is not enough to help them find what they are looking for.

    In case you are still confused, we wrote about it in a series of articles.

    The Real Purpose of the Self-Certification Form

    Taiwo Oyedele, a foremost tax expert has revealed on Twitter that this form is for the exchange of tax information between Nigeria and other countries. Financial institutions would know the tax residency of customers and be able to share the information with other countries.

    In other words, the government (through banks) wants to know the countries you live and where you should be paying different taxes to.

    He also stated that for companies, the government would know who has the controlling interest in a business, commonly known as “beneficial ownership.”

    Other Opinions

    1. It is a self-enforcement tax issue, not an identification issue.

    2. Tax residency is for 0.00001% of the population.

    https://twitter.com/Ambrosia_Ijebu/status/1306738570716229632?s=19

    The Thing About Tax Residency

    For tax purposes, a resident of a country is any person that is subject to tax under the domestic laws of that country by reason of residence, place of incorporation, or any other criteria.

    Because different countries have different ideas on what it means to be a resident, countries generally enter into agreements (or treaties) with one another, so that a person living in say, the US, might still be paying Nigeria’s income taxes.

    It is this exchange of information that Nigeria has entered into with other countries. And that is why this new tax information is needed, so that the government can trace them.

  • We gave you the African countries quiz and you killed it. Now, we want to see how you’ll perform in a West African quiz.

    Note: If the text you’re typing turns red, then it’s either wrong or incorrectly spelt.

    Goodluck!

    Name as many West African countries as you can

  • Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    This is the broken news:

    https://twitter.com/NigeriaGov/status/1306634568267640832
    https://twitter.com/NigeriaGov/status/1306634571082076161

    Too tired and can’t read?

    Your government says you have to physically go to banks to obtain, complete and submit a “Self Certification Form”. The form is to certify your identity, in line with the Income Tax Regulation of 2019. And even if you have an account in five banks, you have to go to all of them to fill this form, one by one.

    The form is in three categories: Form for Entity, Form for Controlling Person and Form for Individual. If you fail to do this, you may be fined or even have your bank accounts suspended.

    Dear FG, Are we a joke to you?

    I wasn’t good at maths, but as at last count, we have had at least four valid means of identification in this country.

    There is the National ID Card, Drivers’ Licence and the Voters’ Card. There is even the Bank Verification Number, which centralises all of the accounts a person has with an eleven-digit number. Why can’t the Federal Government harness all of this data, centralise it in a database and use it for whatever biometric plans it has?

    What is this stick and stone approach in 2020?

  • Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    A short poem:

    Roses are red

    Lagos traffic can leave you dead

    Nigeria will always “fight” corruption

    But we need more action!

    Gist:

    The Federal Government has approved a bill for the management of assets recovered from corruption.

    If this bill is signed into law, the “Proceeds of Crime Recovery and Management Act” will create an agency that will control all the assets that are gotten from corruption in Nigeria.

    How Is This Different From What We Have Always Had?

    Before now, because assets recovered from corruption are distributed across different agencies, including with the Economic and Financial Crimes Commision (EFCC), and the Independent Corrupt Practices Commission (ICPC).

    If the bill is passed by the National Assembly, this new agency will be in charge of all recovered funds, assets and properties, so that they can be centralised in one place.

    Have We Seen This Movie This Before?

    Well, not exactly.

    So, will someone finally be jailed? Will Abacha’s gateman finally be poorer than Dangote?

    That’s for the EFCC. But this agency is to ensure recovered stolen funds are properly accounted for.

    Abeg x3

    More agencies do not mean less corruption.

    Jail some people, recover funds, fix infrastructure with those funds. That’s how we will know that we are winning the corruption fight, for once.

    Check back every weekday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.

  • Breathing in Nigeria, alone, can be a very complex task. But how long can people really survive on 5k? We ask a few people.

    1. Victor

    I stay in Osogbo and transport fare is N100, at most. I am also single and my life is not hard. So I can survive on 5k for 3 weeks.

    2. Lateef

    On some occasion, I could spend more than twice of 5k on necessaries at once. It could also take me a day, depending on whenever I want to satisfy myself as regards food. I like to eat good, you know. In some instances when I am fully occupied, extremely busy, and fully indoors, I may not spend a thousand naira in one week, and this is in a case where all I can sustain myself with is at home.

    Survival on 5k is ordinarily determined by several factors.

    3. Kunle

    I am a student at the Obafemi Awolowo University, Ile-Ife, so surviving on 5k depends. In Ife, it is generally two days but in Lagos it is one.

    In Lagos, the transport fare from my house to the Island alone costs 2k.

    4. Chukwuka

    In my current situation, I am at home. There’s food and I don’t go anywhere. I only spend money on data. So I can survive on 5k for more than one week.

    But if I leave home everyday, then maybe like three days. I know how to manage money.

    5. Helen

    Honestly, I can survive on 5k for a week. I’ll buy pap and akara for 200 naira and ‘mama put’ for 300 naira. That’s 500 naira. Plus 200 naira and that’s 700 naira everyday. I also don’t eat a lot. I can go a day without food and I’ll be fine.

    But if we want to out everything I spend on, then it’s not enough. I spend like 20k on data every three weeks.

    But how long do you think you can survive on 5k?

  • Citizen is a column that explains how the government’s policies fucks citizens and how we can unfuck ourselves.


    Okay, so if you’ve not seen Tinubu’s message to the Edo voters, find it here:

    Still didn’t watch it? Here’s a quick summary:

    • Tinubu says Edo people should reject Godwin Obaseki in Edo’s Governorship election
    • Tinubu says he has suffered with many others to bring about democracy in Nigeria
    • Tinubu says Obaseki can’t understand the values and pains of democracy since he didn’t participate in any democratic struggle
    • Tinubu speaks on the political happenings with the Edo State Legislature, says Obaseki is a dictator.

    Now, we have a few questions:

    • Why is Tinubu so interested in the Edo election?
    • Is it only people who were in this democratic struggle that can understand the importance of democracy?
    • So, who are the defenders of democracy in Nigeria?
    • What plans does the candidate from Tinubu’s party have for Edo people, and how will he achieve them?

    Long and Short

    The Edo State election is this Saturday. Expect many more hot takes and gbas gbos from politicians. Meanwhile, get ready to vote if you’re a citizen of the state and you actually can. The next few days will be… interesting. Or chaotic?

    For your next read: Why the Edo State election is jazzing up.

    Check back every weekday by 10am for more Zikoko Citizen stories.