love | Page 7 of 91

Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

When Nifesimi* (25) told Ada* (24) he wanted them to get into a long-term relationship, she thought they were a match made in heaven.

In this Sunken Ships, Ada shares how her complicated relationship with Nifesimi bloomed and faded in four months and how she’s learning to cope in the aftermath.

What was the moment you realised that your relationship with Nifesimi was over?

When the usual check-in calls and texts I got in the morning, afternoon and midnight evaporated, I knew that something between us had changed for the worse. Nifesimi used to want to talk to me all the time, but all of a sudden, he became too busy to respond to me or pick my calls. It was nothing like when we first met.

Tell me about that. How did you meet Nifesimi?

It was early February 2025. I was scrolling on Instagram when I got a notification of a new follower. I checked who it was and saw it was Nifesimi, the really cute keyboardist in the church choir. Being in the choir myself, I had noticed him on the choir group chat when I was at school in Calabar. I saw him every week at rehearsals, but aside from the cordial greeting when we saw each other, we were no more than church acquaintances.

How did you become close?

We became close when he helped me mediate a big fight I had with one of the other choir members. We talked about it on Instagram, and he was my shoulder to cry on while I talked out my frustrations. I got so upset, I started crying, and he called me to calm me down. We ended up talking for hours. It was as if we had been close forever; it was a heady feeling. He even mentioned that night that talking to me was so soothing that it felt like therapy.

How did that connection make you feel?

I was excited, but wary. I had just come out of a messy, toxic relationship at the end of 2024, so I wasn’t keen on jumping into another thing so quickly. Nifesimi also said he wasn’t looking for a relationship. He wanted us to be friends who confided in each other. But he would call me every morning, afternoon and night just to check in or flirt and also share about his day. Of course, the emotional lines started to blur shortly after.

How do you mean?

I get easily emotionally attached to people with whom I share a close rapport. When Nifesimi came into my life and suddenly started calling me multiple times a day, I found myself developing feelings for him despite my wariness and desire to be single for some time. He would call and text me in the middle of the night so I could wake up to his messages. He also started signing off our calls with “I love yous” that I responded to in kind. Soon enough, I was hooked, constantly looking for a notification from him.

Did you tell him how you felt about him?

No. We hadn’t really spoken about our feelings, and I had to keep reminding myself that even though we were talking and flirting regularly, he wasn’t my man yet. That all changed two weeks later, after an overnight rehearsal we had at church.

What happened then?

He snuck out of the designated hostel for the men and came to talk to me. We found ourselves a secluded spot, and before I knew it, we were in each other’s arms, kissing.

Aw, that’s so cute.

At first, I thought the same, but he started trying to get us to do more. I told him to back off, mostly because we were in church and still hadn’t defined what we were doing. Then he flipped. He accused me of not really loving him because I declined his offer of sex. He eventually agreed to hold off, and we parted. I should have noticed that as a red flag.

Why?

The ex I had just split up with used to do the same thing. He would try to manipulate me into having sex with him even though that wasn’t what I wanted. It was one of the reasons our relationship was full of fights.

I see. What happened after you parted at church?

We went to bed for the night. In the morning, while we were waiting to leave church, he asked me if I knew that I was his woman. He also asked if I was ready for a long-term relationship of maybe six or seven years because he wanted us to take each other seriously. My emotions bloomed when he said this. It was exactly what I wanted to hear. I became very attached to him in that moment because I felt he was being intentional about us.

So you guys became a couple?

Yes, we became a couple that night, but we agreed to take it slow.

Okay. What happened after that?

After our conversation that morning at church, I noticed that I was the one putting in more effort into our relationship. The calls and texts from Nifesimi had slowed down to a trickle. It made me so anxious. I started questioning myself if I had done something wrong to offend or put him off. The funniest thing was that he wouldn’t reply to my messages but I would see him chatting away on the choir’s WhatsApp group. It hurt me so deeply.

Did you reach out to him to complain?

No I had bigger issues, my exams were around the corner. So I didn’t have time to chase him down with calls at texts. I stopped reaching out entirely a day to the start of my papers and the day after that he called me.

What did he have to say?

He begged me on the phone and said all sorts of things. He kept begging me not to leave him and said he wasn’t afraid to beg for my love. He claimed he couldn’t lose me. His sincerity softened my heart, and I forgave him for disappearing. We went back to our lovely dovey state for the next three days, and he ghosted again.

Ah, for the second time?

That wasn’t the only time. It became his thing for the rest of our relationship. He would disappear without saying anything, and the moment I stopped reaching out, he would come begging and making all sorts of promises. Regardless, I visited him at his house when we made up the second time in April after he pulled a disappearing act.

How did the visit go?

It was uncomfortable even though I tried to ignore it. I wanted to keep my no-sex policy, so when he made advances to me after we ate at his place, I declined. His mood changed instantly, and he became withdrawn. It bothered me a lot. He continued saying that I didn’t love him, and if I did, I would prove it by sleeping with him. I really wanted to keep what we had, and I thought agreeing to sex would help maintain our relationship, so I said yes.

What happened afterwards?

I went home, and almost as soon as I arrived, I got a call from Nifesimi. I thought it was going to be a cute check-in call after our first time together, but instead, he called to insist I buy and use birth control because he didn’t want to risk getting me pregnant. This rubbed me the wrong way, but I wanted to make us work, so I went along with it and got some protection.

Would you say your relationship with Nifesimi improved after this?

No, in fact, things reached a fever pitch on my birthday in May. Nifesimi and I had fallen into a routine where we would go to church and head back home together. If we weren’t leaving together, he would usually walk me to my bus stop and get me a ride home.

That Sunday, when I asked him if he got me anything for my birthday, he snapped at me. He said asking was impolite and that I shouldn’t ask him about his plans. So I decided to mind my business. However, when I got home that day, he had disappeared online again. I decided that I wasn’t going to reach out because I wanted to see how long it would take for him to respond to me.

How long did it take?

If I were still waiting, I’d be waiting forever. I couldn’t get him off my mind, so a few days after, I sent him a screenshot of his texts when he was begging for my attention and love. I asked him what had changed between his confession and his current behaviour. It was then that he said he wanted to end our situationship because he was very busy at work.

Ah!

That’s not all, he also said that what happened between us was a mistake and we happened too fast. He tried to make me feel like none of what we shared was real.

[ad][/ad]

How did you take that?

I took it very badly. I was sad and listless for days. I got so sick, my period didn’t come for more than a month. I realised Nifesimi has love-bombed me, and I was left holding my bag of emotions alone.

Did you try to reach out to him after that?

Yes, I did. It was hard for me to accept that the man who had been chasing me for weeks suddenly didn’t want anything to do with me. He, on the other hand, took it in stride. He sent me funny videos on Instagram now and then as if we were still friends. Sometimes, he would shower me with attention, other times, he wouldn’t reply for days. I wanted to break the cycle of ghosting, breadcrumbing, and reappearing, so I unfollowed him, and since then, I’ve had peace of mind.

Would you take him back if he promised to change his ways?

No. He hurt me deeply and took advantage of my feelings for him. I keep thinking of how my mental health deteriorated after we split up, and I wouldn’t wish that pain on any girl. I don’t wish him ill, but I never want anything to do with him again.

What’s something you learned from this experience?

I learned detachment. This relationship with Nifesimi affected me badly, and I have learned to distance myself from those feelings. I also learned how to spot love bombing and move away from people who don’t have my best interests at heart. It’s been a good journey so far

Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!

Ella* (26) never set out to cheat. Her relationship began in the shadow of an old breakup, and she quickly learned that love and loyalty are rarely straightforward. In this article, she opens up about her infidelity and the hard lessons it taught her.

Let’s start at the beginning. How did you meet your boyfriend?

I met Raheem* on Twitter in 2021. We were both taking an online course, which put us in the same group chat. We had a few casual interactions there before he started texting me privately.

At first, I wasn’t interested. I had just come out of a relationship and was still hoping to get back with my ex. But Raheem was consistent. Over time, our chats became a welcome distraction. Even after I told him I still had feelings for my ex, he didn’t back off. He kept asking to meet up, but I avoided it for months.

What finally made you give in?

I saw pictures of him at a party he had invited me to. He was with another girl, and it bothered me. I didn’t even have feelings for him yet, but I felt possessive. That pushed me to finally visit him, and we ended up having sex.

I told myself it was a one-time thing, but I forgot my ex’s necklace at his place. When I went back for it, we had sex again. That was when I stopped pretending I wasn’t attracted to him. From there, we slipped into a situationship.

What about your ex? Was he still in the picture?

At first, yes. We weren’t dating anymore, but still hooked up regularly. It took me a while to accept that the relationship was really over. About five months in, the breakup became official, and that was when I leaned more into Raheem.

By 2022, I realised I was developing real feelings. I wanted clarity, so I asked him what we were. But he dodged the question, bringing up religion. He came from a conservative Muslim family that wouldn’t approve of me, but he didn’t want to end things either. That back and forth left me restless.

How did you deal with that restlessness?

I started entertaining others. A new intern joined my office, and I noticed he always stared at me. One day, when we were alone in the boardroom, he kissed me. From then on, it became our thing. We never had sex, but we flirted a lot, both in person and over text. It lasted about four months until he left.

What was going on with Raheem at the time?

Raheem had moved to Lagos for work. The distance created space, and even though we hadn’t broken things off, I decided to take my mind off him. Since he refused to define us, I didn’t even count it as cheating.

Fair enough.

Also, Raheem wasn’t very good at communicating. Sometimes we’d go days without talking, and I felt really lonely. After the intern, I met Eric* through a friend. What drew me to him was how different he was from Raheem. He was more present, more romantic. I even considered leaving Raheem for him.

What stopped you?

Firstly, they knew each other and had a lot of mutuals since they worked in the same space. I didn’t want a messy situation. But the bigger problem was when Eric finally visited around the new year in 2023. We had sex, and it was very disappointing. He had performance issues that he brushed off and refused to address. It frustrated me, but I liked him enough to keep talking to him as a friend.

On one visit, Raheem noticed how glued I was to my phone, chatting with Eric. When he asked, I snapped and told him my friendships were none of his business. His jealousy pushed him to finally ask me to be his girlfriend in July 2023.

Did becoming official change anything?

Not really. It felt like he only put that tag on me so I wouldn’t leave. His communication was still bad, and then I found out a female friend had stayed at his house without him ever mentioning it. That was when I told myself, if he could hide things, then whatever I was doing was none of his business either.

So what did you do?

I kept talking to Eric. Around his birthday in September 2023, he invited me to an elaborate dinner and even booked a suite. I couldn’t refuse. I told myself the issues he had the first time were probably just a bad day, but I was wrong. He had the same erectile problems, and spending those two days with him left me frustrated. That was when the guilt of cheating on Raheem really started to sink in.

How did you deal with that guilt?

I distracted myself by going out more with friends. At one of those parties, I met Abba*. He was calm and fun, and I later found out we lived in the same neighborhood.

We started going on late-night drives, and one night, we kissed. From there, we began hooking up. Each time, I told myself it would be the last, but eventually I stopped feeling guilty. We both just used each other to take the edge off. In a strange way, it even made things with Raheem feel less strained.

Interesting. And Raheem stayed in the dark?

Yes. About eight months in, I knew I had to end things with Abba. When I visited Raheem around June 2024, I noticed something was off. He was distant, then after a few days, he asked if I had cheated. I denied it, but when he pressed and said he had proof, I panicked. I thought he knew about Abba, but it turned out he only suspected Eric. A mutual had seen pictures of me at a hotel around Eric’s birthday.

Raheem broke down, smashing things and hitting his head against the wall. I was terrified. In that moment, I just wanted to calm him down, so I gave him a half-truth. I cried and said I had only gone to the hotel to help Eric plan a surprise for someone else. To my relief, he believed me.

Seeing how much even the suspicion of betrayal shattered him made me feel terrible. It forced me to confront myself. I had been hiding behind excuses, blaming Raheem’s flaws and my mistrust of him, but none of that justified what I was doing. After that visit, I cut off both Abba and Eric for good and promised myself I would finally be loyal.

Great. Did you keep that promise?

For almost a year, yes. I even moved to Raheem’s city for work, and being closer made things easier. But he still refused to tell his family about me, and that created a wall between us. It made me fear the relationship would never go anywhere serious. I was vulnerable, and that was when I slipped again.

In March this year, while visiting my family, I reconnected with my childhood crush. He owned a store near my parents’ house, and I would stop by when I was bored. One afternoon, things escalated, and we ended up having sex. It happened only once, but I hated myself for it. The worst part was seeing Raheem’s call come in right after it happened. I began to wonder if my problem was spiritual.

Afterward, I cut ties with my crush completely. Now, even though Raheem and I are in a better place, that guilt has stayed with me.

Why do you think you kept slipping?

Looking back, I realise my relationship with Raheem was built on shaky ground. I wasn’t ready for commitment, but I forced myself into it because he felt like a safe option. Instead of addressing our issues head-on, I distracted myself with other people. It was easier than confronting our problems.

Now, I see that cheating never fixes anything. It doesn’t cure loneliness or confusion. It only deepens guilt and makes the relationship feel heavier.

Sounds like you’ve done a lot of reflection. What do you think the future of your relationship with Raheem looks like now?

We’ve had honest conversations about our differences, especially his religious background. I’ve made it clear that I need real commitment if I’m going to stay, and he has started showing effort by introducing me to his siblings.

It feels like a step in the right direction. He still doesn’t know about my past mistakes, but I believe we can make it work if we’re both intentional. More than anything, I just hope not to repeat them.

[ad]

Sulaimon*(49) describes himself as a Baba jeje, a man who avoids quarrels and prefers peace to confrontation. It’s how he imagined marriage would always be: quiet, easygoing, and free of drama. But more than a decade, three kids and countless surprises later, marriage has stretched him in ways he never saw coming.

In this week’s Marriage Diaries, he talks about growing up as the easygoing child, why motherhood turned his wife into someone unrecognisable, the day he walked out and ended up sleeping in a mosque, and why patience, not love, is the true glue of his marriage.

This is a look into his marriage diary.

Got a marriage story to share? Please fill the form and we’ll reach out.

I thought I’d have a peaceful marriage

I’ve always been the calmest one in my family. Even my parents used to worry about me because of how soft I was. They thought I’d get bullied easily. I had a cousin who lived with us for a while, and even though I was older, he’d take advantage of me. I’d let things slide. It wasn’t because I was afraid; I just didn’t see the point of fighting.

As I grew older, my parents finally realised that it wasn’t weakness. It was a conscious choice. Trouble doesn’t interest me. The minute voices start to rise, I disappear. My peace of mind has always meant more than being “right.”

Naturally, I carried that into adulthood. I pictured my marriage as an extension of myself: peaceful, easygoing, quiet. Me, my wife and children living calmly without unnecessary drama. I dated before I met my wife, but the relationships didn’t last. Most of them complained about how I was too meek, not “man enough.”

But when I met my wife, we clicked from the get-go. She was soft-spoken, patient, and calm, almost like me. We rarely fought, and when we did, it never escalated into a physical altercation. We never had to involve a third party, and we didn’t have quarrels that lasted more than a few minutes. It felt like I’d found my soulmate, and I thought, “This is the woman I should marry. With her, peace is guaranteed.”

Motherhood changed my wife

The biggest shock of my marriage came after we had children.

In the early years, my wife was exactly the person I fell in love with: gentle and easygoing. But after we waited a couple of years for children, and they finally arrived, it was as if a switch had flipped. The calm woman I married gradually transformed into something else.

It started small. She became more impatient and raised her voice more often. Then it grew into full-blown arguments, mostly about the children. I recall a particular incident with our neighbour. He spanked our son, and to me, it was normal. Yoruba people believe it takes a community to raise a child. If the boy misbehaved, then the neighbour had a right to correct him. But my wife? She was furious. She wanted me to confront the neighbour immediately.

That’s not me. I don’t fight, I don’t challenge people, especially over something I don’t consider serious. But she wouldn’t let it go. That was the beginning of many disagreements between us. She became the overprotective mother, and I stayed the calm father who didn’t see issues as worth the drama.

Outsiders still call her “Mama jeje” because she carries herself quietly in public, but only I know the fire she has inside the house. Sometimes I joke that people should swap places with me for one month to see the other side of “Mama jeje.”

[ad]

Sometimes I want to run away

Even after three children and more than 16 years together, I still have moments where I wonder if I’m truly cut out for marriage.

One of the hardest times was when our third child came. We had agreed to stop at two, but by the time she discovered she was pregnant again, it was too late. Financially, I was under pressure. School fees for two children, another baby on the way, rent, feeding — everything at once.

When the baby finally came, I was overwhelmed. Visitors trooped in for omugwo, we had to throw a naming ceremony I didn’t even want, and family members were constantly in and out of the house. There was no peace anywhere.

One day, it became too much. I left the house without telling anyone and just kept walking. I didn’t know where I was going; I just wanted out. Eventually, I ended up in a mosque. I prayed, lay down, and slept. It wasn’t until after the last night prayers that the muazin tapped me, asking if I wasn’t going home.

When I got back around 11 p.m., everyone was worried sick. I could see the relief on their faces when I walked in. And as much as I felt guilty, I also felt lighter. That brief escape helped me reset.

Even now, whenever things pile up, I sometimes fantasise about packing my bags and disappearing. I don’t act on it anymore, but the thought makes me question whether I’m truly prepared for marriage or qualified to be the head of a home.

I’ve learned to stop avoiding fights

Before marriage, I avoided confrontation like the plague. But fatherhood forced me to change.

One afternoon, my daughter went to buy something. From the balcony, I could see her walking back when a young man, maybe in his twenties, started disturbing her. She wasn’t interested, and I could see her resisting him.

The old me would’ve kept watching, especially since she was handling herself well. But something in me snapped; maybe fatherly instinct. I shouted down from the balcony, warning the man to leave her alone. He looked up, saw me, and backed off.

That moment stayed with me. It showed me how marriage and fatherhood had changed me. I’m still soft-spoken, still peace-loving, but I’ve learned there are times when silence is not an option.

Marriage forced me to become a different kind of man

One thing nobody prepared me for is the pressure of being a man in marriage. You’re expected to provide, protect and lead. And if you fail at those, it’s not just about failing your family — it feels like failing yourself. That kind of pressure isn’t something anyone teaches you. No manual or masterclass tells you how it works. You figure it out on your own, day by day.

Before marriage, I was the man who let everything slide. Trouble didn’t interest me. But as a husband and father, I’ve realised there are situations you can’t avoid. I’ve had to step up, raise my voice when necessary, even confront people when I’d rather not.

Sometimes, I blame my wife for forcing me into uncomfortable situations. But deep down, I know it’s not just her. It’s the role itself. Marriage doesn’t let you remain the exact same person you were before. It pushes you to evolve, whether you like it or not.

I’ve lost some of that extreme calmness I once had, but I’ve gained strength and boldness. Being a husband and father requires more than keeping the peace. It requires becoming the kind of man your wife can rely on and the father your children can look up to, even when that means standing in the middle of the storm.

Got a marriage story to share? Please fill the form and we’ll reach out.

Love isn’t enough

If I could give my unmarried self one piece of advice, it would be: keep an open mind. The person you marry will not remain the same forever. People evolve, and your partner will go through phases you may not recognise. You must be prepared to adapt.

My wife changed after we had kids, and at first, I thought she was pretending all along. But I later realised it was motherhood reshaping her. If I hadn’t opened my mind to accept her new reality, we probably wouldn’t be together today.

And above all, love is not enough. Love will be tested over and over. What sustains a marriage are the other pillars: patience, understanding, perseverance, and forgiveness. Without those, the love will crumble quickly.

I love my wife deeply, but if I didn’t have patience, if I wasn’t willing to persevere during the tough seasons, we’d have gone our separate ways long ago.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Click here to see what other people are saying about this article on Instagram

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Juwon* (25) and Debola* (26) knew of each other from school, but it wasn’t until 2020 that they really connected. A magazine cover shoot soon followed, and with it came conversations that blurred the line between work and something deeper.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about navigating their different backgrounds, why bluntness and “tough love” almost tore them apart, and why five years later, they’re still choosing each other.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Debola: It was January 2020, during a fellowship session at university. The Bible study teacher was praising Juwon for his discipline around women, and I was making faces because I didn’t believe anyone could be that strict. That’s when I first noticed him in church, but we didn’t interact until months later.

Juwon: My earliest memory with my baby came in April 2020 when we started working together. I make magazines, and she runs an albinism foundation. She featured as the cover model of my magazine, and from there, we built a professional relationship.

Like she said, I was the tough brother who didn’t give attention to women, so I hadn’t noticed her when we were in uni. It was only after we started talking that I realised she was a student in my Sunday school class.

I see. How did you guys start working together?

Debola: I write a lot. Back then, I mostly typed my thoughts on my WhatsApp status and they disappeared after 24-hours. There wasn’t a way to keep them permanent.

One day in April, a church member told me about how I could publish my articles on Juwon’s blog. I liked the idea, got his contact, and sent him a message: “Good evening sir, my name is Debola. I want to put my article on your blog. Person xyz gave me your contact.”

Juwon: That day is still fresh in my memory. I ran the blog to give writers a platform to share their work. When Debola sent her message, I agreed to publish her content. That was actually our first encounter before the magazine.

So how did things move from a professional relationship to something more?

Juwon: At first, we only talked whenever she had new articles. But over time, our conversations grew. We had a lot to say about our goals and work. Soon, we couldn’t go a day without talking.

At some point, I told her I had a crush on her, but I made it clear nothing could happen because I was in a relationship.

Debola: I focused on keeping things professional. He talked about building a system to spotlight writers, and I shared my plans to grow as a beauty and commercial model. I also told him about my work as an albinism advocate. We bonded as two career-oriented people with big dreams.

Then out of nowhere, this man said he had a crush on me and had always found models attractive. You should have seen the bombastic side eye I gave him.

Screaming.

Debola: I was shocked by how he went about it. He said, “I need to tell you something important, but don’t take it to heart.” Then he confessed his crush, with a caveat that nothing could happen. I wasn’t even seeing him that way, so I easily moved on from whatever he confessed.

Why weren’t you seeing him “that way”?

Debola: I had a lot of people asking me out, and I was praying to God for clarity. I just wanted to keep our relationship professional. I didn’t know he was already catching feelings.

Right. So when did the magazine cover happen and how did your relationship progress over time?

Debola: The cover happened in October 2020. Through that period we maintained our professional relationship. Any interest beyond that was from his end. I was just focused on work.

Juwon: As much as I’m a blunt guy, I’m actually very shy with love. I couldn’t ask Debola out, and I didn’t even know how to move forward after admitting my crush.

My previous relationship was already collapsing, but I was still patching things up and trying to save it. I couldn’t handle two relationships simultaneously. Even if I wanted to go for Debola, I knew I would have to end my relationship first.

So did your growing interest in Debola speed things up?

Juwon: It definitely did. I gave up on the relationship quickly, and even told Debola.

But my ex became one of the issues we faced when trying to start something new. Debola was sceptical because I’d been loud about that relationship. Moving on quickly raised questions, so I had to end things fast.

Debola, you mentioned earlier that you didn’t take his interest seriously. When did that change?

Debola: The biggest problem was that he had a babe. But as someone who loves acts of service, gifts, and words of affirmation, Juwon was ticking all the boxes.

He bought me food, gave me gifts, and helped with paperwork at my foundation. As a writer, sweet words came easy to him, and they swept me off my feet.

I remember in January 2021 when he delivered a copy of the magazine. He said something like, “I’m going to marry you,” and I laughed it off. Sweet words, but they came from someone still in a relationship.

By February, he told me he’d ended things with his babe, but I didn’t take his word for it. I needed proof. He’d been loud about her, so I couldn’t believe him without confirmation. And there was no way I’d move forward without knowing the old ship had sailed.

Eventually, I found out it was true. The breakup caused drama with his friends and teammates in school. People said the magazine cover girl had snatched Juwon. It was tough, but he stood up for me and declared I was who he wanted.

Even then, I was scared. I kept thinking, “Are you sure you won’t see another babe and leave me like this?” But almost five years later, we’re still here.

Sweet. I’m curious though. When did things become official?

Juwon: The day I asked if I could “eat” her lips, my first bold request.

Debola: It happened over a series of events. There was a scary cult clash near my hostel, and I asked Juwon to come pick me and my best friend up to his place, which was safer. But then I worried about his safety too, so I told him to stay back. He refused.

He said my safety mattered because I was his woman. I quickly told him I wasn’t his woman yet. He went on about how we already spent time together and moved like we were an item, but I stood my ground.

The next day, he showed up at my hostel. My roommates left us alone in the room, and suddenly it became so hot. There was this heavy silence between us until he broke it with, “Can I eat your lips, please?” I asked, “What’s stopping you?”

We kissed. Then he said, “Will you stop the games and be my baby already?” I still didn’t say yes.

I went to his house on March 15th, 2021, to finally say yes.

[ad]

Sounds like a rollercoaster. Curious though, did you think enough time had passed since his last relationship?

Debola: Honestly, it wasn’t enough time. I felt guilty sometimes. I struggled with facing certain people and situations. But the heart wants what it wants.

Juwon also kept reassuring me I didn’t break them up, he said just needed a reason to leave.

Fair enough. What were the early days of your relationship like?

Juwon: It started well. The first two or maybe three months were good. The beginning of something always feel rosy, but after a while, reality sets in.

We had lots of ego clashes. We were both founders of organisations, so we struggled to agree on certain things. I’m also traditional, while she’s more outgoing. That was the first major issue we had to deal with.

Debola: I agree. The first two months were fun and romantic. We spent nights under moonlight, ate out, took pictures and had all the fun that came with the honeymoon stage of a relationship. But we started clashing over everything.

I realised Juwon came from a completely different background. We had different communication styles. Everything that could tear us apart seemed to show up.

What were some of these issues that threatened to tear you apart?

Debola: He was very blunt. I felt he needed to bend some rules for me as his woman, but that wasn’t Juwon. He also didn’t know how to express himself without raising his voice. It was strange.

I liked to talk things out immediately. It always felt like I’d explode if I didn’t. Again, this wasn’t Juwon’s style. He’d rather let things linger.

Also, he was used to strict and highly disciplined parenting, which was the complete opposite for me. I grew up with really gentle parenting, and it reflected in how I went about my life. Those differences caused lots of clashes between us.

And as a person with albinism who struggled to build her self-esteem and already had stuff working for her, I had my own ego. I wasn’t about to let up.

But didn’t you notice some of these things before you started dating? Especially his bluntness…

Debola: I knew but I expected him to cut me some slack when we got together. Not every truth needs to be shared. Some should be repackaged for your partner, some kept for private conversations, but as long as it’s the truth and seems right, Juwon will talk.

The other issues only came up once we were deep into the relationship.

Juwon: I’m an indoor person due to my upbringing. I don’t care much for going out, public displays of romance or what people call “romantic stuff.” In fact, I even wanted to keep the relationship private. I told her we shouldn’t post each other on social media.

Most of what I could do ended in chats or private conversations. That became a struggle because she was the opposite — outgoing, free-spirited, and full of life. While she wanted us to go out, attend events together, or just enjoy experiences outside, I often pulled back.

Slowly, without realising it, I was forcing her to live my way instead of finding a balance. That created tension between us. While I thought I was being myself, it felt to her like I wasn’t willing to grow or flow with her vibe.

Debola: I had serious issues with this “no posting” rule. He flaunted his ex everywhere. Then it got to my turn, and suddenly he wanted privacy. As how?

Wild. Don’t you think keeping things private could have sent the wrong message, Juwon?

Juwon: I only wanted privacy because it was too soon after my last relationship. As much as Debola hesitated to say yes, I was also worried about what people would say. I’m a loud lover and people always know all about my love life. I was posting about my ex every day and talking about her all the time. Then all of a sudden, I stopped. Everyone had questions. I didn’t want to bring Debola into that.

I didn’t want people comparing or saying I left my ex for Debola. At some point, even she thought I was hiding something or trying to double date. I ultimately had to go public.

Right. Did you guys ever resolve the other issues?

Juwon: She had to sit me down after one of those moments I was blunt in public. We got back from church that day, and she told me plainly that I couldn’t treat her the way I spoke to others. She said, “You’re my baby.”

That was the first time it hit me — she’s my lover, not just someone I could talk to anyhow. I had to learn her language and be mindful of how I addressed her, especially in public. She’s lived with albinism all her life, built her self-esteem despite discrimination, and I shouldn’t be the one pulling down her walls. I should be reinforcing them with love. I realised I’d been operating with the tough love I got from my family.

Debola: That tough love thing was hard. I grew up with soft love, so I found it strange that someone could be like Juwon. My first mistake was trying to change him to become more like me. But I eventually realised he’d been this way for over two decades, and I couldn’t undo that overnight.

To show how serious it was, we were still clashing over the same things two years into the relationship. It felt like he wasn’t willing to change.

Eventually, I had to accept that everyone can’t be the same. I spoke with older friends and married couples, and they told me I had to meet him in the middle. That meant calming down and giving him time to process his emotions. If you leave Juwon, he’ll take two days before he’s ready to talk, but me, I’d have died in that time. These days, 30 minutes is enough for him to process and come back to the table.

God abeg. It’s been about five years together, what would you say is the best thing about being with each other?

Debola: I love that we’re growing and evolving together. I love that we win together. Not many people believe in long-term relationships, and even fewer believe in relationships with people living with albinism. We’re a testament that it’s possible.

Juwon: I agree. I’ve learnt so much in these years. I have a clearer vision of life, and Debola has been my biggest supporter. She’s never once talked down on my dreams. She also has big dreams of her own; she runs an albinism foundation, and I’ve become a preacher on her behalf. I advocate for albinism now, thanks to her.

We’ve had to defend our relationship too. People make side comments, and sometimes we let them know we can hear them. But in all, love lives here. I tell Debola often that her albinism is the last thing on my mind. In fact, it doesn’t even register until someone else brings it up.

And how do your friends and family feel about your relationship?

Debola: My mum loves Juwon so much, she treats him like her son. My sister sees him as her brother. Everyone thinks we’re obsessed with each other. We’re that couple that doesn’t let the singles breathe.

Juwon: My parents are traditional — mum’s a doctor, dad’s a pastor — but they’re not discriminatory. I told them ahead of time that I was dating a special woman, and showed them her pictures and videos. They were curious and excited to meet her.

When she visited the first time, they already knew what to expect. Now she visits even when I’m not around, and they’ve always welcomed her. My mum, especially as a doctor, is curious about how Debola maintains her spotless skin. They’ve all been very supportive of us.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

How would you both rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Juwon: 8/10. We’ve built something solid and weathered storms that could’ve sunk us. Those challenges made us stronger. Our willingness to grow together is what keeps us going.

Debola: I’ll say 9/10. That missing one percent is for our imperfections. We’re two people with big personalities, and it takes effort to keep the ship steady. But I love this man deeply, and I know it’s mutual. It hasn’t been easy, it still isn’t easy, but we’re doing good.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Click here to see what other people are saying about this article on Instagram

This article is part of Had I Known, Zikoko’s theme for September 2025, where we explore Nigerian stories of regret and the lessons learnt. Read more Had I Known stories here.

People often say, “Let go of the things that no longer serve you.” But leaving a relationship and actually walking away are two different battles. Loneliness, love, fear of starting over, or just plain stubbornness can make people stay long past the expiry date.

In this article, Nigerians open up about the times they ignored the signs and stayed when they knew it was over, and the emotional costs they had to pay for it.

“He was in love with someone else, but I stayed because I was lonely” — Adesuwa*, 28, F

When Biodun* confessed his love for another woman, Adesuwa stayed because she wanted the companionship. She doesn’t think it was worth it.

“We met when I moved to a new city in the US. We’d only been seeing each other a short while in April when he came to my office and confessed he was in love with someone back home in Nigeria.

He explained they were going through a tough break-up. Deep down, I understood he’d been lying to me since we met, and I thought about leaving. But I didn’t have friends in the city. I was desperate for companionship, and since I knew I wasn’t in love with him, I told him I was fine with it. I wasn’t fine at all; it was humiliating.

One night in the middle of September, while I lay beside him, I had an epiphany: I couldn’t stay a moment longer. I’d put up with his mood swings and depression over his lover in Nigeria, and I’d had enough. At dawn, I took an Uber home and texted him to never contact me again.

The cost of staying was my wasted emotions. I poured so much time, sweat and tears into a union that never went anywhere. I felt like such a loser when everything finally ended. I hate that I’m even spending time grieving the relationship because it feels like I’m still wasting emotions.”

“I stayed after he cheated because I was young and foolish” — Janet*, 22, F

When Janet’s long-distance boyfriend confessed he’d cheated, she knew she should leave. Against her better judgment, she decided not to, but it came at the cost of her emotional and mental health.

“When my long-distance boyfriend of almost two years confessed he had cheated on me, it was like being stabbed in the gut. He twisted the knife when he said she was pregnant, which only complicated things further. I was hurt, but I stayed because I foolishly believed you stood by your partner through dark periods.

A few months later, we found out the girl had lied about the pregnancy. By then, the emotional toll of our relationship was too much for me to bear. I felt awful for trying to move past his betrayal like it was nothing. It was like trying to keep a storm in a bottle. I felt so free when I broke up with him. I’m wiser now and would never do that to myself.”

“She made me feel like I was going crazy” — Bolu*, 29, M

Bolu* thought he was building something steady with his girlfriend, but her lies and constant dodging almost drove him mad.

“I started talking to her after I got injured playing sports. At first, it was casual, nothing serious. Three months later, in November 2024, she said she wanted more. I didn’t know she meant more men.

We live in the UK, and the first red flag came when she started her hair braiding service. She told me about a “client” who was a friend. I assumed it was a girl because she kept using “they” to refer to the person. It turned out to be a guy who was interested in her. I let it go then, but a bigger issue came up shortly after we started dating.

She travelled to Ghana for the December holidays. I felt bummed because I expected us to spend the holidays together, but I also wanted to support my girl’s love for fun. I told her to call me often since it was her first time there. We even downloaded a location app that gave us access to each other’s locations while we were apart. As soon as she got there, she switched up.

She disappeared for days and came back claiming her phone died because she didn’t have a power bank. During calls, she’d suddenly hang up mid-Uber ride and say it was network. At some point, I got suspicious, especially because she was dodgy about her movement. The app showed locations that didn’t match her stories. I felt like I was going crazy and vowed to break up when she returned. I was sure she was seeing someone else.

But when she came back apologetic and sweet, I stalled on my decision.

It was a terrible mistake. She suddenly became too busy to see me, and we soon stopped sleeping together. One day, I checked her phone and saw flirty texts to other guys. She had told me before that men were chasing her, and she always turned them down. Clearly, she lied.

Still, I didn’t break up with her. I convinced myself it was just a rough patch. But onValentine’s Day, she broke up with me, saying she didn’t deserve me. It hurt so much that she got to end things on her terms. Staying after my instincts told me she wasn’t honest was humiliating. It took a toll on me emotionally. I’ll never put myself in that situation again.”

“She wouldn’t stop comparing me to her exes” — Laolu*, 25, M

Laolu tried to stomach his girlfriend’s constant comparisons to her exes, but the day she kissed another girl at a rave was his breaking point.

“There were so many times in that short-lived relationship when I knew I should have left. From the start, she constantly talked down to me and compared me to her exes. She’d say I wasn’t smart enough or not her type. It made me question why I was even with her, but I stayed regardless.

A few months later, I was exhibiting at an art fair. Instead of supporting me, she made the day about herself and forced us to leave early because she was having a bad day. I couldn’t meet or interact with other artists at the fair. I didn’t like it, but I was willing to compromise to make her happy.

The last straw was when she kissed a girl at a rave and said she thought I’d be okay with it because none of her exes minded. I tried to brush that off, too, but I couldn’t get it off my mind. I had to end things.

I stayed because I loved her and feared being alone, but the cost was too high. Since we broke up, I’ve been emotionally numb. I find it difficult to be attached to anything. She hurt me so much that nothing — both good and bad— really gets to me anymore.

I don’t see myself extending for anyone like I did for her. Never again.”

[ad][/ad]

“He was controlling and a serial cheat” — Anthonia*, 30, F

Anthonia stayed with her cheating boyfriend and tried to put up with his controlling ways, but she walked away when the toll on her mental health grew too great.

“My ex was horrible. He wanted control over who I saw, spent time with and kept as friends, just because people found me attractive. He even went through my social media and told me to block anyone he thought was trying to get my attention.

I thought it was cute at first. I’d never had a possessive boyfriend, but I quickly discovered why he was so overbearing. This man was cheating with half of Lagos state. He’d spend time with other women after we parted ways. I only found out because a friend saw him on a date and sent me photos she’d stylishly taken. I didn’t break up with him then. I thought we could work it out if I forgave him. But he only got more paranoid. He thought I’d cheat, so he started putting pressure on me to move in with him. I don’t believe in cohabitation, so I kept dodging his requests. He took my refusal to mean I was seeing someone else. Nothing I said could convince him otherwise. I even found out from my gateman that he had bribed him to report if any guy came to visit me.

It was too much. I felt like I was constantly being watched, so I broke things off. When I did, he got verbally abusive, and I realised that I should have left him the first time he asked to go through my DMs.

I hated how I felt after we split —like a needy, insecure babe instead of the baddie I know I am. I can never let a man get that comfortable lording authority over me ever again.”

Do you have a story of regret? Share it with us by filling this form.

Damola* (28) didn’t grow up dreaming of marriage. In fact, she found love “cringe” and avoided anything romantic for most of her childhood and teenage years. Even in university, she wasn’t looking for a relationship. However, when she met her husband during NYSC, everything changed.

In this week’s Marriage Diaries, she talks about being shocked she got married at all, navigating mismatched libidos, the fight that forced her to rethink rejection, and why love alone can’t sustain a marriage.

This is a look into her marriage diary.

Got a marriage story to share? Please fill the form and we’ll reach out.

Love always felt cringe to me

Growing up, romance never appealed to me. I hated when my parents hugged or pecked each other in front of us, and during movies, I’d fast-forward any scene that looked remotely intimate. I thought love was embarrassing, something to laugh at or ignore.

Sports were more my thing. With four brothers and just one sister, I naturally gravitated toward their roughhousing and football matches. My mum always said I turned out tomboyish because I was surrounded by boys, but I think it was simply who I was. My sister leaned into her feminine side, but I didn’t.

By the time I entered secondary school, I still had no interest in romance. I stuck to female friends and avoided boys. I didn’t get into any relationship. Even in university, nothing changed. At some point, I wondered if I liked girls instead. But I felt nothing the two times I tried to explore that curiosity. Boys didn’t move me either.

So I kept to myself. I wasn’t bothered that I didn’t have crushes or anything that resembled a romantic relationship. If anything, I sometimes worried I might never marry.

Whenever marriage crossed my mind, it was usually in a mocking way. “This one that you’re not dating or giving anyone a chance, will you even marry?” was a thought that crossed my head a lot of times.

Football brought us together

Marriage stopped feeling like an impossibility the day I met my husband during NYSC.

We’d bonded lightly at a CDS meeting when he teased me about football. Later, he invited me to join him at a viewing centre where he usually watched matches. My female housemates weren’t football fans, but I was game. That’s how it started — casual banter over football matches, small jokes about rival teams, and shared excitement whenever our favourite teams won.

At first, he reminded me a lot of my brothers. He was playful, rough around the edges, and spoke the same language of banter I had grown up with. It was no surprise that my family took to him immediately. In fact, people often mistake us for siblings even now.

But as I got to know him better, I realised he wasn’t “just like my brothers.” He accepted me exactly as I was. He never complained about how I dressed, never pressured me to wear makeup or look more feminine. He loved football as much as I did and was perfectly content with my tomboyish nature.

The similarities between us were uncanny, and they felt right. From that first year, I knew: this was my husband. If I wasn’t marrying him, I wouldn’t be marrying anyone.

I walked into my marriage without fear

A lot of people talk about questioning whether they’re ready for marriage. I can honestly say I never had that moment.

For most of my life, I didn’t think about marriage. But the minute I found my husband, it all made sense. I never doubted him. I never doubted us. I even told him once that I would have asked him if he hadn’t asked me out.

So when he proposed, there were no second thoughts. During our engagement, one of my brothers teased me, asking why I wasn’t crying like those brides you see online. I just laughed. “Cry for what? Me that I’m happy to go and be with my guy.”

I didn’t walk into marriage hesitantly. I walked in clear-headed, excited, and sure.

Sex shocked me the most

Nothing about marriage shocked me more than the sex.

I had done some self-exploring before marriage, but my husband was my first sexual partner. While we dated, I always avoided it, usually hiding behind the excuse of not wanting to risk pregnancy. But once we got married, there was no excuse anymore; this man always wanted it.

Sometimes, after he’d had a long day, I’d be thinking, “Oh, he just needs food and a hot shower.” Instead, he’d be tugging at my nightgown. At first, I couldn’t understand it. How could he want more after being exhausted?

His drive was shocking. I wanted sex far less often — sometimes not even once in a month — but for him, once or twice a week was non-negotiable. It took a while to find balance. Thankfully, he was open to pleasure beyond just penetration, so we built a system that works for us.

Still, I had to accept something no one ever warned me about: sex is a much bigger part of marriage than I expected.

[ad]

I had to learn how rejection feels for him

One of our biggest fights also revolved around sex.

There was a night he reached for me, and I snapped. I slapped his hand away, not intentionally to hurt, but out of irritation. He was deeply wounded. For the next week, we barely spoke; it was just dry, robotic responses to each other. For once, he didn’t come near me at all.

Eventually, I broke the silence and apologised. He told me something that stuck with me: “You’ll never understand what rejection feels like, because I’ve never rejected you.” And it was true. Whenever I wanted sex, he obliged, no hesitation. But I turned him down more often than I realised.

That fight made me rethink how I responded to him. I’ve learned to reject more gently, or even avoid the situation if I’m not in the mood. Sometimes, I stay up longer in the living room until he falls asleep. It’s not perfect, but it prevents me from snapping at him again.

That experience taught me how important it is to handle disagreements with kindness, not just honesty.

Got a marriage story to share? Please fill the form and we’ll reach out.

Love is never enough on its own

Three years into marriage, one thing is clear to me: love is never enough.

People who say otherwise are either being deliberately delusional or haven’t experienced marriage. During dating, it’s easy to believe love will carry you through. But once you’re married, you quickly realise love alone won’t fix poor communication, impatience, or lack of kindness.

I love my husband deeply, but what makes us work is more than love. It’s that he understands me, we respect each other, we forgive each other’s flaws, and we still laugh, play, and watch football together.

Love is the foundation, yes, but without everything else, it can’t hold the house up.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Click here to see what other people are saying about this article on Instagram

Friendship is fun and games until your friend decides to cheat on their partner, then suddenly, you’re in the middle of drama you didn’t sign up for.

Would you keep quiet, confront them, or tell their partner the truth? These Nigerians share how they handled the situation.

“I learned to mind my business very quickly” — Chinasa*, (20), F

Chinasa thought telling her friend’s partner the truth about her cheating was doing him a favour, but she quickly learned to keep unsolicited information to herself.

“When a former close friend of mine started dating her long-time crush last year, I was delighted for her. They were a cute social media couple and popular in our community. The kind that made people say, “God when?”

A few months later, a friend who lived in a different city told me about his new baby and even sent me her photo. To my surprise, it was my friend.

At first, I was torn about what to do. But since I’d also developed a friendship with her boyfriend, I told him. He accused me of trying to scatter their relationship and said that even if she cheated, he’d forgive her because he loved her. Then he told my friend, and she came to pick a fight with me for betraying her. I kept my distance after that.

They stayed together for another year before she cheated again, and he finally left. There’s no changing a dishonest person.”

“My friend stopped talking to me after I called him out for cheating” — Aanu*, (29), M

Aanu shares how his friend cut him off when he chastised him for stepping out on his girlfriend.

“This happened back when I was in uni. My neighbour was a good friend, dating a long-term girlfriend everyone in our friend group liked.

One day, as I was returning to my apartment, I ran into an old flame coming out of our building. We talked for a bit, and she mentioned she had just visited my friend. I didn’t think much of it as we said our goodbyes.

Later that evening, we were out for drinks when my friend started talking about the girl from earlier. He bragged about how they’d had sex and went into unnecessary details.. I was confused and asked if he had broken up with his girlfriend, and he said no. Then he tried to defend himself with some nonsense proverb— something like, “chickens that go out to eat still come home at night.”.

I told him straight up that I didn’t understand why anyone would be in a committed relationship if they still wanted to be in the streets.

It turned into a huge argument, and afterwards, he stopped talking to me. It hurt to lose our friendship but I don’t regret speaking up in the face of wrongdoing. Doesn’t matter if it’s my friend.”

“I cut him off after I saw how he was treating his babe” — Eze*, (31), M

Eze got tired of warning his friend to stop cheating on his girlfriend, and after the last straw, he cut him off completely.

“My friend had been with his girlfriend for years. She was a sweet babe, always kind to everyone. I know relationships can get too comfortable after a while, so at first, I didn’t pay attention when I saw my friend flirting with other women occasionally.

But he must have thought my silence meant I supported him, because one day, right in my presence, he picked up a girl. I tried to caution him, dropping hints that it wasn’t a good idea, but he didn’t listen. They ended up spending a weekend together, and it changed how I saw him.

I didn’t think it was my place to tell his girlfriend since we weren’t close, so I kept it to myself. But I couldn’t seem him the same way again.. If he could treat the woman who had sacrificed so much for him like that, how would he treat me? I like to stay careful.”

“I support women’s rights and wrongs” — Denike*, (30), F

Denike doesn’t think cheating is cool, but if she believes it was a mistake, she’s willing to help her friend keep a secret.

“Cheating is a dicey matter. I don’t think it’s right at all, but I also don’t think a small mistake should ruin a beautiful connection.

In 2023, my friend showed up at my house crying. She had gone out drinking with an ex, and they ended up in bed. She felt guilty and wanted to confess to her boyfriend and break up because she felt she had betrayed him. I felt she was overreacting. I told her to cut off the ex permanently and keep quiet. Today, she’s still with her boyfriend, and they’re going strong.

However, I don’t extend this grace to my male friends. Men already get away with too much in this side of the world. Some even think it’s their right to cheat on their partners. For me, I support women’s rights and wrongs. As long as my friend wants to keep it lowkey and isn’t making it a habit, I’ll keep quiet.”

“They almost turned my house upside down” — Akin*, (37), M

Akin doesn’t say a word when he sees his friends cheating because he likes his life drama-free.

“It’s no secret that guys cheat a lot. If I say I want to start warning every babe about their cheating partners, when will I have time to focus on my life? It only stirs unnecessary drama and I don’t want any part in it.

Anytime I notice a friend cheating on his wife or girlfriend, I look the other way. I don’t think cheating is right. In fact, I don’t think you can do business with people who cheat. If they can do that to their most intimate partner, they’ll do worse to you.

The last time I told someone her husband was cheating, my house was almost turned upside down. My friend’s wife would call me every time she suspected he was cheating again, and my friend would come to my house whenever he wanted to escape her wahala. It became exhausting.

Now, if I know you’re a cheat, I just make you a drinking buddy. I don’t want any connection strong enough for your wife to have my number and be calling me like I’m her dad. I have enough on my plate, please.”

[ad][/ad]

“We had to go and beg his wife to forgive him” — Lekan*, (62), M

Lekan would never talk about it if he found out his friend was cheating. For him, if it’s worth knowing about, his friend will speak up.

“If a married man is simply playing around outside with a woman or two, it’s not a big deal. I wouldn’t say anything if I saw my friend doing that.

But, if he wants to take another wife, which may destabilise his home, or the lady gets pregnant, then we, his friends, can step in and advise him.

In 2014, one of my friends got exposed when his wife found out about another woman. He rushed to tell us, and as his friends, we did what we could. We went with him to his house to beg his wife and seek forgiveness. Thankfully, she took him back.

As long as my friend doesn’t openly disrespect his wife and keeps things quiet, his secret is safe with me.”

See what people are saying about this article on social media

Here’s Your Next Read: 10 Husbands, 1 Question: Would You Marry Your Wife Again?

Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.

Amara* (27) and Jay* (29) first noticed each other at a Lekki bus stop in early 2023, but they never spoke beyond sharing buses home. That changed in October, when a one-chance bus robbery forced them into each other’s orbit and set the stage for something more.

On this week’s Love Life, they talk about the night that pushed them into friendship, why months of commuting together slowly turned into love, and how they’ve built a relationship grounded in trust and resilience.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

Jay: I started noticing Amara from a distance in March 2023. I’d just resumed a new job at Lekki Phase One. After work, I’d see her at the bus stop, waiting for a bus to the mainland. She always looked really nice and pretty, and in my head, I thought, “This fine babe should have her own ride.” But that was it. We never spoke, even though we took the same bus a few times.

Amara: Funny enough, I never really noticed Jay. I might have seen him once or twice but never registered his face. I was more focused on getting a bus home, hoping there wouldn’t be traffic. That was all.

Well, until October 2023.

What happened?

Amara: We entered a one-chance bus together. It’s one of the scariest days of my life.

Jay: Same. Just talking about it sends shivers down my spine. I’d only heard about one-chance robberies, but I never thought I’d experience one.

It had rained heavily that day, so buses were scarce. Everyone rushed when a white bus heading to Oshodi finally stopped. Amara and I both got in.

At first, everything seemed normal until the conductor pulled the door shut thirty minutes into the trip. Then the guy beside me pulled out a knife and demanded my phone. Simultaneously, another man sitting in the front seat waved what looked like a pistol. They told us to keep quiet and hand over our things. Some people even made transfers. Luckily, they only took my phone.

They drove us around for almost two hours before dropping off passengers randomly. Eventually, they pushed Amara and me out together under a bridge. It was still raining heavily, and everywhere was dark. Thankfully, I recognised the area.

Amara: I remember running to Jay the moment I made sense of my surroundings. Remember how I said my subconscious had taken note of him? Everything made sense in that moment. I suddenly remembered him as the dude I always saw at the bus stop, and I clocked we’d just been robbed together.

Jay: I was scared, but I couldn’t show it. She looked so shaken, and I felt like if I panicked, we’d both lose it. So I kept making random small talk. She didn’t know where we were, but I told her I knew the area and had a family friend close by. I was trying to distract us till we got to the house.

I’m sorry, guys. Curious though, did you feel comfortable going with him, Amara?

Amara: I was terribly shaken, and having help was all that mattered at that moment. It was super dark and raining, and I had no idea where I was. I knew I was safer with him than the random guys on the road, who were probably petty thieves looking to strike.

Jay: By the time we got to my family friend’s house, we were soaked through. They gave us dry clothes and food, but neither of us had an appetite. Amara was still in shock.

Amara: I don’t think I slept that night. Every little noise jolted me up. I was also thinking about my family. I knew my mum would be worried sick. That was when it occurred to me that I could call from another phone. Actually, remembering to call my mum was what prompted us to block our lines and bank apps. It was like we suddenly started coming to our senses.

Sounds tough. How did things progress after that night?

Amara: Jay made sure I got home safely. I was still shaken, and I kept replaying the scene in my head, but he kept checking on me. I gave him my sister’s phone number, which made communication easier.

Jay: I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Everyone else on that bus scattered, but Amara and I went through the same thing together. I guess that kind of bonded us. So I made a conscious effort to keep in touch. Plus, I wasn’t as shaken and had no relatives worrying too much. I didn’t tell my parents, and I asked my family friends to keep it quiet.

Amara: I didn’t show up to work for about a week, but Jay was still checking on me. At first, I thought it was just trauma-bonding. But the more we spoke, the more I realised we actually got along. We had similar interests, enjoyed the same movies, and were in the same industry. We also discovered we didn’t live too far from each other.

When I returned to work three weeks later, we started planning our commute together. There were also unofficial ice cream and pizza dates on the side.

[ad]

Hmmm.

Jay: It became a routine. I’d call her in the evening, and if our closing hours matched, we’d meet. We’d gist about everything — our annoying colleagues, Lagos traffic, food spots in Lekki. It didn’t feel forced.

So, is it safe to say you guys transitioned into friendship?

Amara: Yes. By that time, I’d been single for about six months. I honestly wasn’t thinking about dating anyone. I just wanted to be alone. But somewhere along the line, I realised this friendship with Jay was different. Even if I told myself I wasn’t interested in dating yet, I knew that we were heading somewhere. Still, I wasn’t going to make the first move. So, I carried on and pretended like I didn’t notice some of the romantic-leaning things he’d do.

Jay: For me, it wasn’t difficult. I’d already noticed how pretty she was long before we even spoke. Once we started spending real time together, it became even easier to fall for her. But I held myself back a little.

Why did you hesitate?

Jay: Honestly, it was money. I wondered, “How will this fine babe take me seriously when we’re both still hustling, jumping buses and trekking?” I didn’t want to ask her out and come across as unserious. So even though I liked her, I kept it inside for a while.

Amara: Funny thing is, I didn’t care about all that. What mattered to me was his care and consistency. Jay showed up. Whether it was work, gist, or ensuring I got home safe, he was always there. That was what really attracted me to him.

I see. So, when did things change?

Jay: We stayed friends for about five months before I finally spoke up. During that period, I kept paying attention. Even though I worried about not being where I wanted to be financially, Amara showed me it wasn’t an issue for her. She’d suggest we walk short distances instead of taking bikes or BRTs when we could have ordered rides. It wasn’t like she didn’t want good things; she just wasn’t placing that burden on me. It made me realise the things holding me back were in my own head.

I asked her out in April 2024. I was nervous because I didn’t want to lose what we already had, but I got a yes.

Amara: I knew it was coming. Jay had been dropping small hints, but hearing him finally say it felt different. I won’t lie; I was scared at first. I didn’t want to ruin the friendship, but I also knew I liked him.

Nice. So what were the early days of your relationship like?

Amara: Honestly, they were sweeter than I expected. I thought things would get awkward once we crossed into dating territory, but it felt like an extension of our friendship. The difference was that now there was more intentionality. We were both learning each other’s quirks — like how I’m always impatient; Jay is the calm one. He helped me calm down in ways I didn’t even know I needed.

Beyond the small things, I also noticed how much we were growing. We started seriously talking about our finances, future, and what we wanted. That was when the car conversation came up. At first, we thought about pulling money together and buying one car for us both. But later, we realised it didn’t make sense since we weren’t married yet. So now, it’s more of a race; whoever buys first, we both win.

Jay: Those early days taught me how much of a partnership this relationship could be. Amara wasn’t just my girlfriend; she felt like a teammate. I’d always mentioned wanting to get my own car, but it used to sound like wishful thinking. With her, it turned into a real plan. She’d say, “Okay, let’s calculate how much you can save monthly,” and I’d do the same for her.

I won’t lie; the financial side worried me at first because I didn’t want her to think I couldn’t provide for her. But Amara showed me that what mattered most was effort and intention. A car is nice, but she didn’t need me to buy one to prove my love. She just wanted to see that I was moving forward, and in return, she was pushing herself too. That mindset made the early days really beautiful.

Sounds like you’ve both figured it all out. Curious though, since that one-chance incident brought you together, did it ever bring up any issues later in the relationship?

Amara: Yes, sometimes. Even though we laugh about it now, it was traumatic. I couldn’t sit comfortably in a bus for months after without scanning everyone’s face. Even when Jay was with me, I’d get jumpy if someone in the bus suddenly moved. At first, he didn’t really understand why I was that anxious, and I felt like he thought I was overreacting. That caused small arguments.

But over time, he got it and started adjusting. For example, if we had to take a bus, especially at night, he’d make jokes or distract me with conversation so I wouldn’t spiral. Sometimes, he even insisted we take BRT or a safer option when he could see I wasn’t in the right headspace. It helped me feel like he was protecting me, not just dismissing my concerns.

Jay: The tension wasn’t from the fear alone but from how much responsibility I felt. After that night, I sometimes wondered if we’d ever be a thing if I couldn’t come through for her at that point of her need. It made me overprotective sometimes, and she’d accuse me of acting like her bodyguard instead of her boyfriend.

But I think the experience also deepened our trust. We already saw each other at our most vulnerable from the very beginning. There’s no pretending after that.

Neat. What would you say is the best thing about being with each other?

Amara: Jay shows up when it matters. Like, I can’t even state that enough. I think about how we crossed paths and how we wouldn’t exist if he’d simply saved himself after we got off that bus. I mean, he wasn’t under any obligation to help me, but he did. And that’s not a one-off occurrence; he continues to show up for me in this relationship.

I’ve had times when I was sick or stuck at work late, and before I even asked, he was already on his way with food or finding me a safer ride home. He’s a dependable partner.

Jay: I’d say Amara’s optimism. Even when things are tough, she finds a way to laugh or turn it into something lighter. It keeps me going because I tend to overthink. With her, the pressure is almost nonexistent.

If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.

How would you both rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

Amara: I’d give us 8.5. I genuinely think that’s a perfect rating for as long as we’re dating. Once marriage enters the picture, a solid 10.

Jay: I’d give us a 9. I just want the money to come quickly so I can spoil this woman as much as I want. She deserves it all.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

Click here to see what other people are saying about this article on Instagram

Lola*(25) thought Ada’s*(23) extroverted nature would rub off on her in the best ways. Instead, what happened was a friendship rife with jealousy, boyfriend drama and a final accusation that blew everything out of the water.

This is Lola’s story as told to Betty:

My face was a canvas of confusion when Ada accused my boyfriend of flirting with her at my 24th birthday party. It didn’t even make sense. He was hard at work the entire day, running up and down to capture photos and videos for me.

I told her she must have misunderstood something, but Ada doubled down. She called me, turned it into a shouting match, and started hurling insults that had nothing to do with the original claim she made.

I tried to reconcile my hurt with the good memories we shared. I wondered how she could have gone from being the girl I laughed and shared everything with to the one screaming at me on the phone.

***

Ada and I met shortly after I moved to Ghana for university. We stayed in an off-campus apartment with two other flatmates, but we weren’t close at first. Shortly after school started, I also started a side business.

During one of my boyfriend’s visits, he encouraged Ada to patronise my business. She never did, but we started getting very close.

Ada was very extroverted, and I felt she would help me come out of my shell and be more social. For a while, this was the case. We had so many fun times together. Nights spent clubbing, weekends trying out new restaurants and making new friends along the way. It was all smooth running until her boyfriend came into the picture.

Ada’s boyfriend, Dede*, was not my cup of tea. He was mean, spoke crassly to everyone and was emotionally abusive towards my friend. It didn’t take long to get irritated by their relationship. Their fights were loud. On many days, I’d hear them shouting at each other. He’d go as far as insulting her looks, talking to her like she was worthless. I had to watch it all play out from a distance because Ada always had an excuse ready whenever I told her to leave.

“He’ll change. It won’t happen again,” she’ll say over and over, almost as though she needed to convince herself. I felt sad, but I always respected her decision to stick with love.

Despite my dislike for Dede, the friendship with Ada continued to blossom. Well, until things started to fall apart. She started with mean jokes often made when we were together or out in public.

Once, we got into a fight after she made a distasteful joke about my hormonal acne. She knew how sensitive I was about it, yet she made the joke at the expense of my feelings.

Soon, I wanted to distance myself from her, but I thought it was unfair not to give her a chance to change. So I stayed on. I kept watering the friendship, even though it yielded no fruit.

Ada also had main character syndrome. She felt like other people, including me, were always looking to copy whatever she did. If she got braids and I also wanted braids, she would get upset and accuse me of trying to water down her individuality. It was annoying because even when I didn’t mean to copy or make her feel offended, she still tried to fight me.

I remember my mum even warned me about her. I’d been on a call once while Ada was in the background, laughing and making jokes. My mum stopped mid-conversation to ask who it was. When I explained, she told me to be careful of that girl. I brushed it off then, but later, when things got worse between us, those words haunted me. By 2022, the cracks in our friendship were crystal clear. That year, I organised a fancy dinner for my birthday. My boyfriend and some of our mutual friends were invited, and I was looking forward to an amazing time spent with my people. I’d deliberately left Dede out. I didn’t want to share my special moment with a person who made me uncomfortable. Yet, when Ada showed up, he was there by her side.

He didn’t even have the decency to show up in a proper outfit. He came in a tracksuit and slippers and wasn’t allowed into the venue. I had to intervene because it caused an embarrassing commotion at the entrance until he stormed off in anger. My mood was ruined for the rest of the night. Still, Ada was angry at me for not “forcing” the restaurant to let her boyfriend in. It didn’t matter that my birthday was ruined; I had to be the bigger person and let things slide. But our friendship didn’t stay the same after that event.

That same year, Dede crossed a line and started physically abusing Ada. Once, it got so bad that I had to beg my boyfriend to intervene. I told her to leave again, but she refused. So I chose to mind my business.

But that decision didn’t mean I was free from drama. Friends started telling me Ada was spreading lies about me — saying I thought I was better than everyone else because my relationship was “perfect”.

[ad][/ad]

Meanwhile, the same Ada always had something to say about how a friend’s boyfriend moved to her. I wasn’t willing to entertain her drama anymore, so I decided to keep my distance.

Fast-forward to 2023. I invited Ada to my small birthday party. I didn’t have a big budget, so I kept it intimate and within the people who mattered. It was so small that I made my boyfriend act as the cameraman and videographer. And he did a stellar job. Even though I was super busy, I caught little moments here and there where he interacted with other guests for a compilation video.

After the party, Ada told people my boyfriend was flirting with her.

I was confused. That’s not him. It was completely out of character. When I reached out and asked him directly, he reminded me he’d been filming all day. Still, I didn’t want the situation to fester, so I tried to clear the air with Ada. I hoped we could have a mature conversation about whatever misunderstanding occurred, but instead, she started a fight. She called me names, compared our looks and insulted me and my boyfriend. It was too much for me, so I hung up.

That was the last time I spoke to Ada. She never returned to our apartment after that fight, and not long after, I heard she dropped out of uni. I also decided to move to another apartment and cut her off completely. It was one of the best decisions I ever made

But I didn’t count on how much the fallout would affect me.

I became more introverted, to the point where this year, I didn’t throw a party for my birthday. I was afraid someone else would use the opportunity to stir up some drama, which I’m not interested in. I would rather focus on other aspects of my life.

I know being closed off isn’t healthy, but I can only hope that trusting people will become easier as I age. But right now, I have no space for new friendships or learning to trust new people.

See what people are saying about this article on social media

Romantic text messages that will make her want you badly aren’t always easy to come up with. Sometimes you try your best, but every deep love message for her you type sounds like it belongs in a bad Nollywood script. We’ve all been there. But when you get it right, you can flip her mood, warm her heart, and yes, make her want you badly.

That’s where we come in. For anytime you want to make an impression on the lady that has your heart, we’ve rounded up over 250+ romantic text messages that will make her want you badly. Whether you want something short and sweet, deep and thoughtful, flirty and playful, or straight-up sexy, we’ve got you covered.

Short & Sweet Text Messages That Will Make Her Want You Badly

A Nigerian lady reading romantic text messages that will maker her want you badly

Not every love note needs to be Shakespeare-level. Sometimes, it’s the simplest romantic text messages that hit the hardest. A quick I miss you message for her at 2 p.m. or “thinking about your smile” can mean more than an epistle.

Just thinking about you and smiling like an idiot.

This woman, you make ordinary moments feel magical. Anyway, that’s how you stole my heart in the first place. Continue!

Can’t wait to see you later, beautiful.
Have I ever told you that your laugh is my favourite sound in the world? I swear, I’m not even kidding. It’s music to my ears.

Missing you already and you just left. I’m not saying you should come back right now o. I’m not saying that at all.

Hey, sweet girl. You’re the best part of my day, every single day.

Still can’t believe you’re mine. Like, I’m genuinely gagged.

Your smile could light up a dark room. And I’m kinda in the dark right now. Wanna stop by?

Hey babe. Thinking of you while stuck in this meeting. Can’t wait to hang out later.

You make my heart skip beats, literally.

Can’t focus on anything but you today. What have you done to me, sweet girl?

Your voice is all I need to hear right now. Send me a voice note whispering my name.

Just wanted to remind you how amazing you are. In case you forgot.

Every text from you makes my day better. So, where’s today’s dose?

I’m completely crazy about you. I’m not even kidding.

You’re the reason I believe in love stories. Can’t wait to make more memories with you, Ife mi.

Can’t stop replaying our conversation from yesterday. Love it so much. Love you even more.

Your eyes are pure magic, babe. I’ll keep looking at them all day if I could.

Missing your warm hugs right now. Come over?

You’re my happy place, always. Love you baby

Just saw something that reminded me of you. Everything does actually.

Can’t wait to make more memories with you. Arike mi.

You’re the sweetest thing that’s happened to me. Thank God for bringing you my way.

Your presence makes everything better. Come over, baby?

Counting down the minutes until I see you. I’ve missed you so much.

You’re absolutely perfect, just as you are. You don’t need to change a thing.

My heart does this crazy thing when you smile. Always like it’s aware. I love it.

Can’t imagine my life without you in it. Omalicha nwa

Just thinking about your touch gives me chills. Can’t wait for tonight, the girl with the hot body.

You make me want to be better every day. I rate it like mad.

Your love is my safe haven, baby girl.

Can’t wait to hold you again, my love. I miss you die

You’re the most beautiful surprise life gave me.

ALSO READ: 300 Questions to Ask a Girl When “WYD” Isn’t Cutting It

Deep Romantic Text Messages That Will Make Her Want You Badly

A Nigerian guy sending romantic text messages that will maker her want you badly

There are days when a simple love message isn’t enough. When you want to tell her exactly how she fills your world, you need texts that go deeper. These deep romantic text messages that will make her want you badly are exactly what you need.

Every morning I wake up grateful that you chose to love me back. Sometimes I wonder what I did right in this life to deserve someone as incredible as you. Love you, Ife mi.

I never believed in soulmates until I met you. Now I understand why nothing worked out with anyone else, they were just preparing me for you.

You know what amazes me about you? It’s not just how beautiful you are, it’s how you see beauty in everything around you. You make me see the world differently.

I was just thinking about that night we spent talking until 4 a.m. about everything and nothing. That’s when I knew you weren’t just someone I was dating, you were someone I wanted to build a life with.

Do you know what you did to me? You took all my walls, all my fears about love, and you made them disappear just by being yourself. I’ve never felt this safe with anyone. Love you, baby.

I love how you make me laugh even on my worst days. But more than that, I love how you stay and hold me when laughter isn’t enough. You’re my person, completely.

Sometimes when you’re sleeping next to me, I just watch you and wonder how I got so lucky. You make me believe in forever, and that scares me in the most beautiful way.

I need you to know that loving you has changed me fundamentally. I’m braver, kinder, and more hopeful because you love me. Thank you for seeing the best in me.

You remember things about me that I forget about myself. You notice when I’m tired before I do. You love me in ways I never knew I needed. How did you become so essential to my happiness?

I was telling my friend about you yesterday and I realized something that I don’t just love you, I genuinely like who you are as a person. That’s rare, and it’s everything.

The way you support my dreams makes me fall deeper in love with you every single day. You don’t just say you believe in me, you show it in a thousand little ways.

I keep thinking about our conversation last week about our future together. I’ve never wanted to plan a life with someone the way I want to plan one with you.

You make me understand why love songs exist, why poets write about heartbreak and healing, why people believe in magic. You are my magic, my love.

I love how comfortable we’ve become with each other’s silence. Sometimes just being in the same room with you, not talking, feels like the most intimate thing in the world.

You know what I love most about us? We can be completely ourselves – weird, silly, vulnerable – and still choose each other every single day. That’s real love.

Every time you trust me with your fears, your dreams, your heart, I fall deeper. Thank you for letting me love the real you, not just the version you show the world.

I was scared of love before you. Scared of needing someone so much, scared of being hurt. But loving you feels like coming home to myself.

The way you love your family, your friends, even strangers; it shows me the kind of heart you have. I’m so proud to be loved by someone with such a beautiful soul.

I love how we can disagree about things and still respect each other completely. You’ve taught me what healthy love looks like, and I’m grateful every day.

Sometimes, I catch myself staring at you while you’re doing ordinary things—reading, cooking, laughing at your phone—and I think, “This is it. This is my person.”

You make me want to be the kind of man who deserves your love every single day. Not because I have to earn it, but because you inspire me to grow.

I love how you challenge me to think differently, to be more empathetic, to see perspectives I never considered. You make me a better human being.

The way you light up when you talk about things you’re passionate about, I could listen to you forever. Your enthusiasm for life is contagious and beautiful.

I need you to know that when I tell you I love you, I mean all of you. Your strength and your vulnerability, your laughter and your tears, your confidence and your doubts.

You’ve given me something I never had before, the certainty that I’m loved exactly as I am, while still being encouraged to become who I’m meant to be.

I love our deep conversations at 2 a.m., but I also love how we can spend entire afternoons together just enjoying each other’s company in comfortable silence.

You remember my coffee order, my favorite songs, the stories I tell about my childhood. You listen to me like I matter, and that makes me love you even more.

The way you handle stress, setbacks, and disappointments with such grace – it makes me admire you as much as I love you. You’re incredibly strong.

I never understood what “partnership” meant in a relationship until I met you. We’re not just lovers, we’re teammates, and that makes everything feel possible.

You make me laugh until my stomach hurts, but you also hold space for me when I need to cry. Thank you for loving every version of me, Ololufe mi.

I love how you’ve never tried to change me, but somehow being with you has made me want to become the best version of myself. That’s the power of real love.

When I think about growing old, I think about growing old with you. I want to love you through every season of life, every change, every adventure.

You see me — really see me — in ways that no one else ever has. You love the parts of me I was afraid to show anyone. That’s a gift I’ll never take for granted.

I love how we can turn ordinary moments into memories just by being together. Grocery shopping, cooking dinner, even doing laundry – everything is better with you.

You are my peace in a chaotic world, my excitement in quiet moments, my comfort when everything feels uncertain. You are everything I didn’t know I was looking for.

[ad]

Flirty & Playful Texts That Will Make Her Want You Badly

Love doesn’t always have to be serious. Sometimes the best way to get close is by teasing, joking, and sending the kind of flirty and playful text messages that keep her laughing while secretly thinking about you.

This girl! You’re trouble, and I’m completely here for it.

Just so you know, you’ve been on my mind all day. Actually, make that all week. Talk later?

I’m trying to work but your face keeps popping up in my head. Very distracting, madam.

Are you always this gorgeous or did you wake up today and choose violence against my concentration?

Warning: I might steal a few extra kisses when I see you later.

You looked absolutely stunning in that dress yesterday. Also looked stunning out of it.

I have a confession: I may have saved your picture as my phone wallpaper. And I have zero regrets.

You’re like my favourite song, I never get tired of having you on repeat. In fact, I want to spin you right now.

Fun fact: My productivity drops by 90% every time you text me. Worth it though.

I’m convinced you put some kind of spell on me because I can’t stop thinking about you. Do you want me to drop by later?

Just watched a couple holding hands and got jealous because it wasn’t us. We need to fix up, dear me. Let’s link up soon.

You know what’s dangerous? That little smirk you do when you’re being mischievous and going down on me. Lmao. Catch up later?

I dare you to send me a selfie right now. I need to see that beautiful face.

Can’t decide what I miss more, your laugh or the way you steal my hoodies. Anyway, I can’t wait to spend the weekend with you. I’ve got things lined up.

You’re the reason I believe in love at first sight and also why I question my self-control.

I’m planning to kiss you senseless when I see you. Consider this your official warning.

Hey baby girl. Your voice does something to me that I can’t quite explain, but I like it.

I bet you’re smiling right now reading this. Am I right? Anyway, call me.

You + me + no plans for the weekend = pure perfection.

I love how you pretend to be innocent when we both know better. Naughty child.

Just thought you should know that you’re ridiculously attractive and it’s becoming a problem for me.

I’m currently accepting applications for cuddle partner. You’re automatically approved.

You’re like the perfect playlist, every part of you is my favourite part.

I may have told my friends about you. They’re very impressed with my excellent taste.

Quick question: Is it illegal to be this beautiful? Asking for a friend.

You’re the reason I take forever to reply to other people’s texts. You’ve spoiled me, this girl. I’m too into you.

I love how you laugh at my terrible jokes. It’s definitely true love. Must be nice.

Can we skip to the part where we’re cuddled up watching movies together?

You make me want to write cheesy love songs and I’m not even musical. How did I get here? Ehn, baby?

I’m pretty sure you’re illegally good-looking. I might have to report you to myself.

Every time you bite your lip when you’re thinking, I lose my train of thought completely. But do it again when next we see!

Hey baby. If I haven’t mentioned, know that you’re my favourite notification, my favorite distraction, and my favorite everything.

Just so we’re clear, I’m completely obsessed with you and I’m not sorry about it.

You’re the reason I look forward to my phone buzzing. Also the reason I’m always smiling like an idiot.

Sexy & Seductive Texts That Will Make Her Want You Badly

A Nigerian lady reading short and sexy romantic text messages on her phone.

Now, let’s be honest: sometimes you want your texts to do more than just make her smile. You want them to make her sweat. These romantic text messages turn up the heat without being corny, finding that sweet spot between bold and irresistible.

Can’t stop thinking about last night. When can we have a repeat performance?

You looked incredible today. I spent the whole time imagining slowly taking that outfit off you.

I love how you whisper my name when we’re close like that. It drives me completely wild. Want to hang out with me later?

Hey, lover girl. Been thinking about your hands on me all day. Tonight can’t come fast enough.

You have no idea what you do to me when you look at me like that. But do it again, I love it so much.

I’m lying here thinking about every single thing I want to do to you later.

The way you move against me… I replay it in my mind constantly. And that’s something I want to experience for the rest of my life.

Hey sweet girl. I love how you taste, how you feel, how you make me lose complete control.

Have I ever mentioned that you’re absolutely intoxicating. I can’t get enough of you. Call me when you are around. Kisses!

I want to explore every inch of you, slowly, until you’re breathless. And that can only happen when we are together. So, when are you coming over, fine girl?

Remember that thing you did with your tongue? I haven’t stopped thinking about it. I want you to do it again when next we are together.

Hey sweet girl. I love how you make those little sounds when I kiss your neck just right.

You’re so beautiful when you let go completely. I love watching you fall apart in my arms.

I’m craving you right now in ways that would make you blush.

The way you pull me closer when we’re kissing… it makes me want to give you everything. And you do know I’ll give you everything, right?

I love how your body responds to my touch. You’re so perfectly sensitive.

Can’t wait to feel your skin against mine again. I’m addicted to how we fit together.

Hey, my lover girl. You make me want to do sinful things, and I’m completely okay with that.

Hey sweetheart. I love how confident you are in your desires. Tell me what you want tonight and I’ll make it happen.

The way you say my name when you’re close… it’s the most beautiful sound in the world. Can’t wait to experience that again. Sooner, rather than later.

Hey my princess. I want to worship every part of your body until you forget your own name. Love you so much.

Hey hot girl with the hot body. You’re so incredibly sexy when you take control like that. Do it again.

I love how you tremble when I touch you in just the right spot. Can’t wait until we are together again. I’ve got plans for you.

Hey my best girl. Can’t wait to have you all to myself tonight. I have plans for you.

The way you look at me when you want me… it makes my heart race and my body ache.

I want to make you feel so good that you can’t think straight.

You’re absolutely perfect, and I love showing you exactly how much I appreciate every part of you.

I love how we can be sweet and tender one moment, then absolutely wild the next.

You make me want to lose myself in you completely, over and over again.

The way you arch your back when I… well, you know. It’s absolutely mesmerizing.

Hey lover. I want to kiss you everywhere until you’re shaking with need. You know where to find me…don’t be long.

I can’t stop thinking about how incredible you felt wrapped around me.

I want to love you so thoroughly tonight that you’ll still be thinking about it tomorrow.

Good Morning Romantic Text Messages That Will Make Her Want You Badly

A young Nigerian man composing good morning romantic text messages on his phone.

A short or long good morning message for her can set the tone for her entire day. Imagine her rolling over, seeing your name on her screen, and smiling before she even brushes her teeth. These romantic text messages are perfect for that.

Good morning, sunshine. Hope you slept well because I dreamed about you all night.

Woke up with the biggest smile thinking about you. Have the most beautiful day, my love. Good morning.

Top of the morning, gorgeous. Just wanted to remind you that you’re the first thing on my mind every single day.

Rise and shine, my beautiful angel. The world is lucky to have another day with you in it.

Good morning, my sweetheart. I hope today brings you as much joy as you bring into my life.

Morning, my love. Can’t wait to see your beautiful face later and hear about your day.

Good morning to the woman who makes every day feel like a blessing. I love you endlessly and glad to be doing this thing called life with you.

Wake up, sleepyhead. The sun is shining, birds are singing, and I’m completely in love with you.

Good morning, my one and only angel. Hope your coffee is strong and your day is filled with reasons to smile.

Top of the morning, beautiful soul. Thank you for being the reason I look forward to every new day.

Good morning, my everything. Sending you all my love and positive energy for today. Let’s talk later.

Rise and shine, my queen. The world isn’t ready for how amazing you’re going to be today. Step out and be the best girl who has the best man rooting for her.

Good morning, my sweet fanta dialo. Hope you slept peacefully and wake up feeling refreshed and loved.

Morning, the absolute love of my life. Another day to love you, laugh with you, and create memories together.

Good morning, sunshine. Your smile is the only brightness I need to start my day perfectly.

Wake up, beautiful. I’m already counting the hours until I can hold you again.

Good morning, my favorite person. Hope today surprises you with unexpected moments of happiness.

Top of the morning, darling Arike. Just thinking about your laugh makes me excited for the day ahead.

Good morning to my safe haven, my adventure, my peace, and my excitement all in one person.

Rise and shine, Idunnu mi. May your day be as wonderful and extraordinary as you are.

Good morning, my precious stone. Can’t wait to hear your voice and see those beautiful eyes sparkle today.

Top of the morning to you, my heart’s home. Wishing you a day filled with love, laughter, and little victories.

Good morning, my sweet goddess in human form. Remember that you’re capable of absolutely anything you set your mind to.

Wake up, my love. The day ahead is going to be amazing because you’re in it.

Good morning, beautiful dreamer. Hope your night was restful and your day is absolutely perfect.

Morning, sweetheart. Just wanted you to know that you’re loved, appreciated, and thought of constantly.

Good morning to the woman who turns ordinary moments into magical memories. I hope you had a restful night?

Rise and shine, my best girl. Your strength and beauty motivate me to be better every day.

Good morning, love. May today bring you closer to your dreams and fill your heart with contentment.

Morning, my blessing. Thank you for choosing to love me and letting me love you back.

Good morning, radiant soul. The world is brighter, kinder, and more beautiful because you’re in it.

Wake up, my treasure. Another day to discover new reasons why I fall deeper in love with you.

Good morning, my partner in everything. Ready to tackle this day together, even from a distance? I’m deeply rooting for you.

Morning, beautiful spirit. May your day be gentle when you need rest and exciting when you need adventure.

Good morning, my forever. Here’s to another day of loving you more than I did yesterday. I look forward to picking you up at work today.

Good Night Romantic Text Messages That Will Make Her Want You Badly

A Nigerian lady reading good night romantic text messages on her phone.

A perfectly-timed good night love message isn’t just routine, it’s reassurance that she’s on your mind even at the quietest hours. These are solid good night romantic text messages that will make her want you badly when the sun comes up.

Good night, Ololufe mi atata. Dream of us dancing under the stars like we did that magical evening.

Sleep well, my love. I’ll be here when you wake up, loving you just as much as I do right now.

Sweet dreams, angel. May your sleep be peaceful and your dreams be filled with happiness.

Good night, my gorgeous angel. Thank you for making today brighter just by being yourself.

Rest easy, my heart. I love you more with each passing day, and that includes tonight.

Good night, sunshine. Close your eyes and know that you’re cherished beyond measure.

Sleep tight, my everything. I’m already looking forward to saying good morning to you tomorrow.

Sweet dreams, you beautiful soul. May you wake up refreshed and reminded of how deeply you’re loved.

Good night, my safe place. Thank you for being my comfort, my joy, and my greatest blessing. Can’t wait to receive you in the morning.

Hey darling. I hope your subconscious is as kind to you as you deserve. Make sure you have a restful night and dream about me.

Good night, my precious one. Sending you all my love wrapped in warm wishes for peaceful sleep.

Sleep well, my favourite person in the entire world. Tomorrow is another chance to love you even more completely.

Sweet dreams, my dearest darling. I hope you feel my love surrounding you even in your sleep.

Good night, my inspiration. Rest knowing that you make the world better simply by existing.

Sleep peacefully, beautiful. May your dreams be as sweet and wonderful as you are.

Good night, my heart’s desire. I fall asleep grateful for you and wake up excited to love you again.

Dream well, my angel. You deserve the most restful sleep and the most beautiful dreams.

Good night, love of my life. Thank you for another day of making me the happiest person alive.

Sleep tight, my blessing. I love how safe and content I feel knowing you’re in my life. Can’t wait to be with you tomorrow.

Sweet dreams, my forever. May your sleep restore your beautiful spirit for tomorrow’s adventures.

Good night, amazing woman. Rest knowing that you’re appreciated, adored, and absolutely incredible.

Sleep well, my miracle. Every day with you feels like a gift I never expected to receive.

Dream sweetly, my peace. Your love calms every storm in my heart and mind.

Good night, my joy. I hope your dreams are filled with all the happiness you bring others.

Sleep tight, beautiful dreamer. May tomorrow bring you new reasons to smile and feel loved.

Sweet dreams, my comfort. Thank you for being my soft place to land in this chaotic world.

Good night, my strength. Your love gives me courage to face anything life brings our way.

Rest well, my happiness. I love how you make even ordinary days feel extraordinary.

Dream peacefully, my light. You illuminate my world in ways I never knew were possible.

Good night, my gratitude. I thank the universe every day for bringing you into my life.

Sleep sweetly, my future. I love planning tomorrows that include your beautiful presence.

Sweet dreams, my home. Wherever you are feels like exactly where I’m meant to be.

Good night, my wonder. You amaze me daily with your kindness, intelligence, and beauty.

Sleep tight, my completeness. You make me feel whole in ways I never knew I was missing.

Dream well, my eternal love. Here’s to another night of falling asleep grateful for you. You’re so incredibly sexy when you take control like that. Do it again.

Romantic Text Messages That Build Anticipation

Sometimes the most exciting part of love is the waiting. When you can’t see her yet, but you want her looking forward to it just as much as you are, these romantic text messages are perfect. They create tension in the best way by teasing, hinting, and planting images in her mind that only you can complete.

Hey babe. I’ve been planning something special for us this weekend, and I can’t wait to see the look on your face when you find out what it is. Just thinking about your reaction makes me smile like crazy.

You know that thing you mentioned wanting to try a few weeks ago? Well, let’s just say I’ve been doing some research, and I think tonight might be the perfect time to explore that together.

I’m sitting here at work counting down the hours until I can see you again, and I keep getting distracted thinking about how I want to hold you when I walk through that door.

I have a surprise planned for our date tomorrow, but I’m not telling you what it is. All I’ll say is wear something that makes you feel absolutely gorgeous, because I want you to remember this night forever.

Remember how we talked about taking that weekend trip together? I might have already started making some calls and looking at dates.

I’ve been thinking about that conversation we had last night, and there are so many things I wanted to say but didn’t get the chance to. Can’t wait to continue where we left off when I see you later.

You looked absolutely stunning when you left this morning, and I’ve been replaying the way you kissed me goodbye all day. Tonight, I’m planning to make sure that kiss was just the beginning of something beautiful.

I’m picking up something special for you on my way home today, and no, I’m not giving you any hints. Just know that it’s something that reminded me of you.

There’s something I’ve been wanting to tell you for weeks now, but every time I try, I get nervous and change the subject. Tonight, I’m finally going to find the courage to say what’s been on my heart.

I booked us a table at that restaurant you’ve been dying to try, but that’s not the real surprise. The real surprise comes after dinner, and I promise you’re going to love what I have planned for us.

I’ve been working on a playlist for our next road trip, and it’s filled with songs that remind me of different moments in our relationship. Can’t wait to play it for you and watch your face when you hear our song come on.

Hey babe. There’s a place I want to take you that holds special meaning to me, and I think after tonight, it’s going to hold special meaning for both of us.

I was talking to your best friend yesterday, and she gave me some interesting information about something you’ve been wanting to do. Let’s just say this weekend is going to be more exciting than you expect.

Remember when you said you wished we could just disappear for a weekend and forget about everything else? Well, I might have made some arrangements that could make that wish come true very soon.

Hey best girl. I have three surprises planned for you this week, and you’re not going to see any of them coming. The first one starts tomorrow morning, so make sure you answer your phone when I call you.

There’s a conversation I want to have with you about our future, and I’ve been thinking about the perfect setting for it. I found that setting, and I’m planning to bring it up when we have our dinner date this Friday.

I know you’ve been stressed about work lately, so I’ve been planning the perfect way to help you relax and forget about everything for a while. This weekend is going to be all about you, and I can’t wait to spoil you.

You know how you always say you want to do more spontaneous things together? Well, clear your schedule for tomorrow evening, because I’m planning something completely unplanned, and it’s going to be amazing.

I’ve been planning the perfect way to celebrate our anniversary, and it involves revisiting some very special places from our early days together. Will you like that, my darling?

Hey babes. I know you’ve been feeling like we need more adventure in our lives, so I’ve been researching activities that will get our adrenaline pumping. This weekend, we’re going to create some unforgettable memories together.

Long-Distance Romantic Text Messages That Will Make Her Want You Badly

Distance can be tough, but it doesn’t have to kill romance. In fact, it can make words even more important. These romantic text messages bridge the miles, reminding her that no matter how many cities, states, or oceans are between you, she’s still yours and you’re still hers.

Being miles apart from you is teaching me things about love I never knew before; like how someone can be physically absent but emotionally present in every moment of my day. You’re with me in every sunrise I see, every song I hear, every breath I take.

I know this distance is hard on both of us, but I need you to know that every day we’re apart is just another day closer to being together permanently. I’m working toward our future with everything I have, and thinking about you gives me strength when the loneliness feels overwhelming.

I was looking at pictures of us today, and I realized something beautiful; the way we love each other transcends physical space. Even with all these miles between us, I feel more connected to you than I’ve ever felt to anyone who was right next to me.

Hey baby. Time zones mean nothing when someone means everything, and you mean everything to me.

I miss the little things most; the way you laugh at your own jokes before you finish telling them, how you steal the covers in your sleep, the sound of you making coffee in the morning. These memories keep me warm when you’re not here to do it yourself.

Distance is just a test to see how far love can travel, and ours is passing with flying colors. Every day I don’t give up on us is a day I prove that what we have is stronger than miles, stronger than time, stronger than any challenge.

I know you’re sleeping right now, but I wanted to send this so you wake up knowing that someone on the other side of the world is thinking about you with so much love it actually hurts.

People keep asking me how I do it, how I maintain a long-distance relationship, and the answer is simple: when you find someone worth waiting for, someone worth fighting for, the distance becomes just another obstacle to overcome together.

I’m lying here thinking about the next time I’ll be able to hold you, and I’m planning exactly how I want that moment to go. First, I’m going to look at you for a long time, just taking in your face. Then I’m going to hug you like I never want to let you go again.

Every day I don’t get to wake up next to you is a day I’m more grateful for technology that lets me see your face and hear your voice. But every video call also reminds me how much I want to touch your hand, kiss your lips, hold you close.

I’ve been marking days off my calendar like a prisoner counting down to freedom, except my freedom is the day we don’t have to say goodbye at the end of our visits anymore. That day is coming, and I can’t wait to burn this calendar.

I love how we’ve learned to be creative with our relationship: movie nights over video chat, virtual dinner dates, falling asleep on the phone together. We’re proving that love always finds a way, even when the way isn’t easy.

Distance has made me realize that I don’t just love you, I’m in love with loving you. I’m in love with the way we fight for each other, the way we make effort for each other, the way we choose each other every single day despite the challenges.

I know it’s hard when you see couples around you who get to be together every day, but remember , what we’re building is stronger because it’s intentional. We’re not together out of convenience; we’re together because we can’t imagine being with anyone else.

Some nights I dream that you’re here with me, and I wake up reaching for you only to find empty space. But then I remember that dreams are just practice for the reality we’re building together, and suddenly that empty space feels temporary instead of permanent.

Every time someone asks when we’ll be in the same city, I see doubt in their eyes, like they think long-distance relationships don’t work. But we know something they don’t, when it’s real love, distance is just geography, and geography can be changed.

I miss falling asleep next to you and waking up to your face, but I love how we’ve learned to be vulnerable from a distance. Some of our deepest conversations have happened through screens and phone calls, and that’s beautiful in its own way.

You’re not just my partner; you’re my teammate in this long-distance challenge we’re facing together. Every day we make it through is a victory we share, every milestone we reach is something we both deserve credit for achieving.

I know you worry sometimes that I’ll get tired of waiting, tired of the distance, tired of the uncertainty. But I need you to know that loving you from afar has only made me more sure that you’re exactly who I want to spend my life with.

Distance has taught me that love isn’t just a feeling; it’s a choice you make every single day. And every day, I choose you. I choose us. I choose to believe that what we’re building is worth every sacrifice we’re making.

I love how we’ve created our own little world that exists in phone calls and video chats and text messages. In that world, distance doesn’t exist, time zones don’t matter, and we’re together in all the ways that count.

Sometimes I look at the map and trace the distance between us with my finger, and I think about how many people live in the space between us who will never experience the kind of love we share. That makes me feel lucky instead of lonely.

I miss your physical presence, but your emotional presence has never left me. You’re with me when I make decisions, when I need courage, when I want to celebrate something good that happened. Distance can’t diminish the way you’ve become part of who I am.

I know this isn’t the traditional way relationships are supposed to work, but we’re not traditional people, are we? We’re the couple that proves love is stronger than logic, stronger than convenience, stronger than anyone else’s opinion about what we should do.

Every goodbye we say is practice for the day we won’t have to say goodbye anymore. Every “see you later” instead of “goodnight” is a promise that this separation is temporary, and our forever is permanent.

I love how patient we’ve become with each other, how understanding we are when calls get dropped or messages get delayed. Distance has taught us that communication is about more than just words – it’s about intention, effort, and commitment.

Some people think long-distance relationships are harder, and they’re right. But they’re also more rewarding, more meaningful, more proof that what you have is real. We’re not together because it’s easy; we’re together because it’s right.

I miss dancing with you in the kitchen, but I love how we’ve learned to dance to the same song in different rooms, in different cities, feeling connected across all these miles. That’s the kind of magic that makes this distance bearable.

Every day I spend missing you is a day I’m reminded of how much you mean to me. This distance isn’t just keeping us apart; it’s showing us exactly how much we belong together, exactly how much we’re willing to fight for this love.

I know you’re probably asleep right now, dreaming hopefully sweet dreams, while I’m here missing you so much it’s like a physical ache. But that ache reminds me that what we have is real, and is worth this temporary pain.

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I think it’s more than that — absence makes you realize what home really means. And you, my love, you’re my home, no matter how many miles separate us right now.

How To Craft Romantic Text Messages That Will Make Her Want You Badly

Here’s the thing: generic love and trust messages aren’t that bad, but they’ll never beat the ones that sound like you. The most memorable romantic text messages are the ones that feel tailored to your woman, with inside jokes and the little details only you’d know.

In this section, we’ll show you how to take inspiration from examples above and tweak them so they feel unique, genuine, and unforgettable. Because the truth is, anyone can send “I love you,” but only you can send her ideal version of it.

Step 1: Always use endearments

Pet names make your texts warmer and remind her that you see her differently from everyone else. You can pick from any of these sweet names to call your girlfriend.

Instead of: “Good morning. Hope you slept well.”

Consider: “Good morning, the absolute love of my life. Did you sleep well and dreamt about me?”

Step 2: Add specific details

Instead of vague compliments, mention something unique about her day, body, or habits.

Instead of: “I miss you.”

Consider: “I miss you, love. I caught myself reaching for your side of the bed last night, and it felt so empty without your cold feet on me.”

Step 3: Reference shared memories or inside jokes

Bring up moments only the two of you understand. It creates intimacy instantly.

Instead of: “I’m proud of you.”

Consider: “I’m proud of you, babe. Watching you present yesterday with that steady voice made me fall in love with you all over again. I can’t wait to celebrate properly tonight.”

Step 4: Balance romance with real life

Romantic text messages don’t have to be dramatic. Sometimes, caring about her little routines is the most romantic thing.

Instead of: “I love you so much.”

Consider: “I love you, baby. Please don’t forget your umbrella today; looks like it’s going to rain.”

Step 5: Make it future-focused

Drop hints of your shared plans, it makes her feel included in your tomorrow.

Wrong: “Sweet dreams.”

Right: “Sweet dreams, my love. Tomorrow night, it’s you, me, and that Netflix show we keep postponing.”

ALSO READ: 150+ Sweet Names To Call Your Boyfriend That’ll Make Him Smile

What was the moment you realised that your relationship with Nifesimi was over?

Tell me about that. How did you meet Nifesimi?

How did you become close?

Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

How did that connection make you feel?

How do you mean?

Did you tell him how you felt about him?

What happened then?

Aw, that’s so cute.

Why?

I see. What happened after you parted at church?

So you guys became a couple?

Okay. What happened after that?

Did you reach out to him to complain?

What did he have to say?

Ah, for the second time?

How did the visit go?

What happened afterwards?

Would you say your relationship with Nifesimi improved after this?

How long did it take?

Ah!

How did you take that?

Did you try to reach out to him after that?

Would you take him back if he promised to change his ways?

What’s something you learned from this experience?

Let’s start at the beginning. How did you meet your boyfriend?

What finally made you give in?

What about your ex? Was he still in the picture?

How did you deal with that restlessness?

What was going on with Raheem at the time?

Fair enough.

What stopped you?

Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

Did becoming official change anything?

So what did you do?

How did you deal with that guilt?

Interesting. And Raheem stayed in the dark?

Great. Did you keep that promise?

Why do you think you kept slipping?

Sounds like you’ve done a lot of reflection. What do you think the future of your relationship with Raheem looks like now?

I thought I’d have a peaceful marriage

Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

Motherhood changed my wife

Sometimes I want to run away

I’ve learned to stop avoiding fights

Marriage forced me to become a different kind of man

Love isn’t enough

What’s your earliest memory of each other?

I see. How did you guys start working together?

So how did things move from a professional relationship to something more?

Screaming.

Why weren’t you seeing him “that way”?

Right. So when did the magazine cover happen and how did your relationship progress over time?

Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

So did your growing interest in Debola speed things up?

Debola, you mentioned earlier that you didn’t take his interest seriously. When did that change?

Sweet. I’m curious though. When did things become official?

Sounds like a rollercoaster. Curious though, did you think enough time had passed since his last relationship?

Fair enough. What were the early days of your relationship like?

What were some of these issues that threatened to tear you apart?

But didn’t you notice some of these things before you started dating? Especially his bluntness…

Wild. Don’t you think keeping things private could have sent the wrong message, Juwon?

Right. Did you guys ever resolve the other issues?

God abeg. It’s been about five years together, what would you say is the best thing about being with each other?

And how do your friends and family feel about your relationship?

How would you both rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?

“He was in love with someone else, but I stayed because I was lonely” — Adesuwa*, 28, F

Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

“I stayed after he cheated because I was young and foolish” — Janet*, 22, F

“She made me feel like I was going crazy” — Bolu*, 29, M

“She wouldn’t stop comparing me to her exes” — Laolu*, 25, M

“He was controlling and a serial cheat” — Anthonia*, 30, F

Love always felt cringe to me

Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

Football brought us together

I walked into my marriage without fear

Sex shocked me the most

I had to learn how rejection feels for him

Love is never enough on its own

“I learned to mind my business very quickly” — Chinasa*, (20), F