Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Adura* (27) and Faith* (28) were university acquaintances who reconnected at NYSC camp in 2022. What started as a friendship between two familiar faces in an unfamiliar place soon blossomed into a serious relationship.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about transitioning from friends to lovers, building a life together in Ibadan, and navigating the one issue that’s threatening their future: Faith’s hygiene.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Faith: A class in uni, maybe. We went to the same university, but we weren’t close. I knew her face, but we never really interacted. She was always surrounded by her friends, and I had my own circle. Our paths just didn’t cross much.
Adura: I remember him, though. He was one of those guys who was always in the library or at the back of the class. Quiet, kept to himself. I never thought we’d end up being anything more a random person you run into at alumni events.
Faith: Fast forward to 2022, and there she was at NYSC camp orientation. I couldn’t believe it. When I saw her, I just walked up and said, “OAU, right?” She looked so relieved.
Adura: I was relieved. NYSC camp can be so isolating when you don’t know anyone. Running into a familiar face from uni felt like finding water in a desert. We immediately started talking, and it was like we’d been friends for years.
Must have been nice. What was camp like for you both?
Adura: Intense. The drills, the heat, the overcrowded hostels — it was a lot. But having Faith there made it bearable. We became each other’s support system. We did everything together —queued for food, sat together during the long and boring SAED lectures, and complained about the ridiculous rules.
He’d save me a spot during parade so I wouldn’t have to stand in the sun for too long. We just clicked. By the end of those three weeks, we were proper friends.
Faith: I think being thrown into that environment together accelerated our bond. When you’re both struggling with the same thing, you connect faster. We had shared stories from uni — lecturers we both loved or hated, campus politics, the cafeteria food, etc. It was comforting.
Did anything romantic happen during camp?
Adura: No, not at all. We were strictly friends. We were both too focused on surviving camp to even think about anything else.
Faith: Exactly. Plus, I wasn’t trying to complicate things. I liked her, but camp wasn’t the time or place for that.
Adura: Wait, you liked me then?
Faith: Of course. How could I not? But I kept it to myself.
Interesting. So what happened after camp?
Faith: We got posted to different LGAs, which was disappointing. But we stayed in touch.
Adura: We’d call each other almost every day, checking in on how our PPA experiences were going. Those calls became the highlight of my day. My PPA was chaotic — unpaid, unstructured, just a mess. But talking to Faith made everything feel lighter. He always had a way of making me laugh, even when I was stressed.
Faith: Same here. My posting wasn’t great either, so we just vented to each other. At some point, I mentioned I was thinking about relocating to Ibadan after service because there were more job opportunities there. It felt like faith when she said she was planning the same thing. We were both tired of where we were, and Ibadan made sense for both of us. So we decided to coordinate our relocation.
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How did that go?
Faith: Surprisingly smooth. By early 2023, we were both settled in Ibadan. I found a small self-contain apartment, and she also rented a place not far from mine.
Adura: We started spending a lot of time together. He’d come over after work, or I’d go to his place. We’d cook together, watch movies, or just hang out. I’d never had that kind of connection with anyone before. Faith just got me. But he didn’t make any serious move, so I wasn’t sure if he saw me as just a friend.
Right. So when did things shift to a romantic relationship?
Faith: One evening, we were at my place watching a movie. I can’t even remember what we were watching because I wasn’t paying attention. I just kept thinking about how much I enjoyed having her around, and how I didn’t want that to change.
I was nervous because I didn’t want to ruin what we had, but I also couldn’t keep pretending I didn’t have feelings for her. So I just said it out loud, “I like you, and I want to be more than friends.”
Adura: I was shocked, but in a good way. I’d been waiting for him to say something because I felt the same, but didn’t know how to bring it up.
Faith: She said yes immediately.
Adura: Why would I hesitate? You were already my best friend. It just made sense to take it further.
That’s sweet. So what was the early phase of dating like?
Adura: Beautiful. We were in that honeymoon phase where everything felt perfect. He was attentive, thoughtful, and always checked in on me. We’d plan little dates — nothing fancy, just things like going to the market together or trying new food spots in Ibadan.
Faith: I loved those moments. Just being with her made me happy. I didn’t need anything elaborate.
Adura: But there was something I started noticing early on.
What was that?
Adura: His hygiene. I first noticed it during NYSC camp, but I didn’t think much of it because, you know, it’s camp. We were all sweaty, living in cramped spaces, and couldn’t always keep up with personal care. I figured things would change once we left.
But they didn’t. When I started visiting his place in Ibadan, I’d walk in and the smell would hit me. Not just sweat — though he sweats a lot — but also like clothes that hadn’t been washed in days, or food left out too long. His room was always in disarray. Clothes hanging everywhere, dishes piled up, and his dreadlocks… they’d smell like they hadn’t been washed in weeks.
Faith: It’s not like I was living in filth. I just wasn’t as organised as she is.
Adura: It wasn’t just about organisation, Faith. It was about basic hygiene. You’d wear the same clothes multiple times without washing them. You’d leave wet towels on the bed. Your kitchen was always a mess.
Faith, were you aware of these things?
Faith: Not really, no. I guess what passes off as cleanliness for me isn’t the same for her. I’ve lived alone for so long that I got used to my own habits.
Growing up, my parents were always away for work, so I had to fend for myself from a young age. No one was there to teach me how to keep my space spotless or remind me to wash my hair every week. I just did what I could to survive.
And honestly, I think I’ve been trying. But it’s not as easy as flipping a switch. Some of these habits are deeply ingrained.
Adura: I understand that his upbringing was different, but we’re adults now. At some point, you have to take responsibility for yourself.
When did you first bring this up with him, and why wasn’t it an issue from the beginning of your friendship?
Adura: It wasn’t much of an issue when we were friends. The least I could do as a friend was comment here and there and keep it moving. But as a girlfriend? His lack of proper hygiene could also have an adverse effect on me. No way was I going to let things slide anymore.
A few months into the relationship, I started demanding changes. I tried to be gentle about it at first. I’d say things like, “Babe, maybe you should wash your hair more often,” or “Can we tidy up the room a bit?” I didn’t want to hurt his feelings.
Faith: And I appreciated that. I didn’t take offence. I started making an effort — cleaning up before she came over, washing my hair more frequently, buying air fresheners for the room.
Adura: But that’s the thing. He’d only clean up when he knew I was coming. The effort wasn’t consistent. And the sweating — he sweats so much, and he wouldn’t always change his clothes after. He’d just reapply deodorant over the sweat.
Faith: I can’t control how much I sweat. I’ve tried everything — antiperspirants, showering twice a day, wearing breathable fabrics. But nothing stops it completely.
Adura: I’m not saying you should stop sweating. I’m saying you should manage it better. Change your clothes more often. Don’t wear the same shirt two days in a row.
Faith: I do change my clothes. But I can’t afford to wash everything after one wear; that’s simply not practical.
It sounds like this has been an ongoing issue.
Adura: It has, which is exhausting. I’ve tried to be patient, but almost two years into this relationship, I’m starting to wonder if things will ever change. Yes, he’s made progress, but it’s not enough. I shouldn’t have to remind him to clean his room or wash his hair. These are things he should be doing on your own.
Faith: That’s actually not fair. I’ve been working on it. The problem is, Adura is never satisfied. Every time she comes over, there’s something new to complain about.
It makes me feel like I’m failing her. Like, no matter what I do, I’ll never be good enough. I love her, and I want to make her happy, but I’m starting to feel like I’m constantly being judged.
Adura: I’m not judging you. I’m just trying to figure out if I can live with this long-term.
Faith: That scares me. Apart from this one issue, I think we’re great together. But it feels like this one thing is going to tear us apart.
Adura, do you think that’s a possibility?
Adura: I don’t know. I love him—I really do. He’s kind, generous, and incredibly supportive. He’s the type of person who’ll drop everything to help someone. And he’s so focused on his goals, which I admire. However, I can’t shake the feeling that if we can’t figure this out now, it will only get worse. I mean, what happens if we get married? If we have kids? Will I be the only one keeping the house clean? Will I have to nag him about basic hygiene for the rest of our lives? I don’t want to be his mum. I want to be his partner.
Faith: I don’t want her to feel like that. But I also need her to understand that change takes time. I’m not going to wake up one day and suddenly be the most organised, hygienically perfect person. I’m doing my best, and I need her to meet me halfway.
What does “meeting you halfway” look like to you, Faith?
Faith: It means acknowledging the effort I’m putting in. It means not making me feel like I’m constantly falling short. And it means being patient with me as I work on becoming better.
I’ve also started setting reminders on my phone —”Clean the kitchen,” “Wash your hair,” “Change your sheets.” It sounds ridiculous, but it helps. I also ask her to tell me if something bothers her instead of bottling it up.
Adura: I hear you, but patience has a limit.
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Do you think this issue has affected other parts of your relationship?
Adura: Honestly, yes. We try not to let it consume the relationship. When things are good, they’re really good. We still have fun together, we still laugh, we still support each other. However, the hygiene issue is always present, lurking in the background.
Sometimes I avoid going to his place because I don’t want to deal with the mess. And that means we spend less time together. I just need the environment to be comfortable. Is that too much to ask?
Faith: Well, that hurts to hear, but I get it.
I know I need to do better, and I’m committed to it. But I also need her to believe in me. If she’s already halfway out the door, then what’s the point?
Adura: I’m not halfway out the door. I just need to know that we’re moving in the right direction.
Fair enough. What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Faith: She makes me want to be better. Before her, I was just coasting through life. But she challenges me to grow, to improve, to think about the kind of man I want to be. And even when we’re arguing about hygiene, I know it’s coming from a place of love.
She’s also hilarious. Like, she’ll say something so random, and I’ll just burst out laughing. She keeps me grounded.
Adura: He makes me feel safe. He’s the most dependable person I know. When I’m with him, I don’t have to pretend to be anything I’m not. He accepts me fully, flaws and all.
And he’s incredibly generous. Not just with money, but with his time and energy. If I need something, he’s there. No questions asked.
It sounds like there’s a lot of love between you two.
Adura: There is. That’s why this is so hard. If I didn’t love him, I would’ve walked away a long time ago.
Faith: And I love her enough to keep trying, even when it feels like she doesn’t see it.
How would you rate your love life on a scale of 1-10?
Faith: A 7. We have something special, and I genuinely believe we can work through our issues.
Adura: I’d say 7 too. I love him, and I love what we have. Sometimes, I worry I might have to decide if I can accept him as he is or if this is a dealbreaker. And honestly? I don’t have the answer yet.
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