The topic of how young Nigerians navigate romantic relationships with their earnings is a minefield of hot takes. In Love Currency, we get into what relationships across income brackets look like in different cities.
How long have you been with your partner?
Richard and I have been together for one year. We started dating two days before Valentine’s Day 2024.
Wait. How did that happen?
We met after a series of interesting events. I’d just gotten my job and was on my way home when I realised I’d lost my wallet. I was too shy to ask people for money, so I decided to walk home instead. Richard saw me walking and came up beside me to talk to me.
I knew it was the normal “Fine girl, how are you?” levels and thought he was cute, but I wasn’t in the mood. So, I tried to brush him off. But fortunately, Richard was persistent. Soon, I was laughing at his jokes and typing my number into his phone.
I didn’t tell him about my wallet situation, but he stopped a Marwa (tricycle) and paid for my ride home. It felt like fate. That was on February 8. We started dating on February 12.
You’re saying it’s not too late for those looking for love before Valentine’s Day?
It’s not too late o. Richard and I bonded quickly, or maybe I’m just a lover girl. Richard invited me to his house for a home-cooked dinner on Valentine’s Day, and I actually went. It wasn’t exactly the safest thing to do, but Richard was a perfect gentleman.
Since then, we’ve had dinner together at least once every week. It helps us spend time together without breaking the bank. That said, planning for these dinners is tricky because I live with my strict parents, and Richard has a roommate, but we make it work.
What kind of money conversations do you both have?
Pretty much Richard telling me not to spend so much money and me arguing that we only live once. Spending money on the people I love and doing activities together is the best way to create lasting memories. My love language is gift-giving, which involves giving experiences, gifts and money.
People remember how you made them feel, so I like to go all out. Plus, whether we spend money on our loved ones or not, the money will still finish.
But Richard doesn’t exactly see things the same way. He believes in keeping money for the sake of it. To be fair, I earn more than him — he makes ₦80k/month as an admin officer, and I don’t have financial responsibilities, courtesy of my parents. So, I understand why he’s not as open to spending money as I am. I spend enough for both of us anyway.
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Tell me more about how you show your partner love with gifts
I don’t wait for special occasions to buy him things. If I see something I think he’ll like, I get them. This usually happens twice a month. I’ve got him clothes, watches, a pair of shoes, and even socks. Sometimes, I send him money randomly — not more than ₦10k at a time, though. For his birthday, I bought him perfumes, a jersey from his football club and a cardigan. It all cost about ₦50k.
Richard tries to reciprocate. For my birthday, he bought me a dress and skincare products. But the gifts aren’t as frequent as mine. I don’t mind; he shows his love in other ways, like the cute notes he writes to me. Plus, I understand he has to be financially responsible. So, it’s not a big deal that he doesn’t give me money or buy me stuff.
Do you both have a budget for dates and other romance stuff?
Not really. We have dinners weekly at Richard’s place, and he cooks the food. Any other activity we participate in happens because I insist on it, and I typically pay for those. The frequency is maybe once every two months.
I intend to go all out for Valentine’s Day this year, though. It’s like a double celebration, our anniversary and Valentine’s. I don’t know if Richard has anything planned for our anniversary — he says he wants to surprise me — but I have plans of my own.
I’ve given my parents a convincing excuse for the weekend. So, Richard and I can enjoy a two-day staycation in Abuja. We’ll stay in a hotel and visit spots across the city. I estimate it’ll cost ₦300k, and I’ve been saving since October for it.
It’s the focus and planning for me
All that’s left is to convince Richard that heaven won’t fall if we spend that much money. I’m sure I’ll get my way.
How are you both thinking about future plans for your relationship?
We’ve discussed marriage, but it likely won’t happen for a few years — at least until we’re in better financial shape. Richard wants to get a postgraduate degree, hopefully abroad, to improve his income potential.
I need to become proactive about financial planning. My parents are my safety nets right now, but I can’t rely on them forever, so I’ll need to grow up soon. Maybe after this, I’ll sit down and draw up a budget for my expenses so I can start saving gradually.
So, yeah, there’s a lot for both of us to figure out before settling down. But we’re definitely in it together for the long haul.
What’s your ideal financial future as a couple?
I want us to grow our finances so that Richard doesn’t have to worry so much about keeping money and can enjoy himself.
Interested in talking about how money moves in your relationship? If yes, click here.
*Names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
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