Quizzes

Stacks

Shows

Podcasts

Newsletters

Naira Life

Love Life

Hustleprint

Love Currency

Sunken Ships

What She Said

My Bro

So You Don’t Have To

Interview With…

Zikoko Memes

Jollof Road

Cholera Outbreak Update

Follow our socials

  • Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    When Wunmi* (25) started university at 15, a spontaneous act of kindness from Tola* sparked a friendship that felt like home, and she joined her friend group. But over time, jealousy, backhanded compliments, and one terrifying fetish scare began to unravel everything. 

    Years later, living under the same roof again, Wunmi fully saw Tola for who she was, and realised that some friendships needed to end for her to be happy.

    Tell me how your friendship started

    I got into university really young – at only 15. I was initially staying with a friend from home, but I didn’t like it there. She was one of those people who seemed very reserved at home but was actually wild at school. The few weeks I spent at her place trying to sort my clearance opened me up to disturbing situations and men who wanted to take advantage of me. Frustrated by the weird people she kept bringing back to her flat, I asked a new friend, Tola*, who I had met during our clearance, to let me spend the night at her place.

    We got along so well that I ended up staying at her place for much longer, and at the end of the semester, Tola and I officially moved in together and became roommates. Because she was a few years older, I inherited her friend group too, so I became good friends with Tola, and her friends Tomi* and Sope*.

    What was your friendship with them like?

    Looking back, it was full of weird dynamics. Because I was two or three years younger than the rest of our friend group, some things were just off. There were backhanded compliments and shady jokes. I thought we were just having fun at the time so I didn’t read too much into it, but every time I reminisce, it shocks me that we stayed friends for so long.

    Can you share an example?

    In my first semester, I didn’t achieve good results. I got a 3.2/5.0, and I had the lowest gpa in our friend group. I was so used to being effortlessly excellent at academics in secondary school that I wasn’t ready for the different approach required for university. When my friends found out, they started making jokes about it, even though they knew I was sensitive about it.

    They would say things like, “The person with the lowest cgpa should close the door’’ or “The person with the lowest gpa should turn off the lights.” The jokes were relentless.

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    Did you tell them how their mean jokes made you feel?

    At first, I did, but when they didn’t stop, I turned it into motivational fuel and poured myself into my studies. By the end of the next semester, I had a 3.7/5.0 GPA, and the jokes stopped naturally. What I didn’t notice at the time was that none of them commended my efforts or encouraged me when they found out my new score.

    That’s wild.

    I have several other examples. One big one was when I was in 100L, I was obsessed with debate competitions, so I joined the school’s debate club. I talked to the group about us joining it for almost a year, but they didn’t seem enthusiastic, so in 200L, I went ahead to join the club. The application process was gruelling, but I got in. After a while, when they saw me going around and doing the work, Tola and Tomi, under the guise of attending meetings and team hangouts with me, formed a friendship with the president of the debate club and got in without passing through any of the application processes.

    How did this make you feel?

    I was happy to be sharing my interests with my friends. I just hated that they didn’t follow due process, and they waited till they saw I was having a good time without them before joining. It made me feel some type of way, but I overlooked it again. 

    Did working in the debate club together help the quality of your friendship with them?

    Not at all. Because I had joined before them and put in a lot more work, I was promoted to a major leadership position. This meant I had the power to assign tasks to everyone on the team, including my friends. I avoided assigning tasks to Tola, or my other friends because I didn’t want to make it weird. However, one day I assigned a minor task to Tomi, and she went to gossip about it to my roommate back at the hostel. She said I wasn’t good enough for the club and I didn’t deserve the leadership position enough to be delegating tasks to her. It was the first incident that made me think our friendship may not be as strong as I initially thought.

    Were there any other red flags that jumped out at you?

    Yeah, they didn’t respect my privacy at all. One time, we were chilling together, and Sope mentioned that she had gotten into our phones and found out how much we had saved in our individual savings apps. These girls didn’t have the password to my phone, so I was disturbed that they found a way to get that information. At that moment, I made up my mind that my friendship with a majority of the friend group wasn’t going to grow much beyond university, but I had high hopes for my friendship with Tola. 

    Did they ever try to talk with you about how they felt?

    Not once. I didn’t even notice how odd our friendship was until people I wasn’t close to at all went out of their way to congratulate me on my achievements and good results. At this point, I was flourishing and getting into tough competitions across the country but my friends never congratulated me. Instead Tola would constantly tell me I reminded her of her younger brother back at home. Things shifted a lot in my final year, though.

    Tell me about that.

    My family and I are religious. Before I resumed school, a few of the pastors my family is close to shared visions with me, warning me to be wary of many friends, especially in my final year. I didn’t pay much attention to them because I only had my three friends in my tiny social circle. But then I started falling ill more often than before, even on exam days. I was worried, but I didn’t tie it to the visions the pastors shared with me. However, I kept having weird experiences.

    How so?

    So during my final year, we had to submit a certificate of clearance showing we had completed the mandatory internship that started in the third year. Tola and I did our internship in the same place because we used my dad’s connections to get a placement, so I had our certificates at my house.  Kept them in the same place, but when the time to submit came, I couldn’t find my certificate no matter where I looked. I had already started to panic and feel crazy when thankfully, I remembered I had scanned it into a cloud drive for safekeeping. That was the only way I managed to do my clearance. I got a B for my efforts, and my cgpa increased significantly. I still don’t have an explanation for how my certificate of clearance went missing.  

    I thought that was the worst of it, but the craziest thing happened to me right after.

    What happened?

    One morning, while in school, I was the victim of a spiritual fetish attack. I had woken up suddenly and come out of my room that morning to see some blood and a weird object right at the entrance of my room. Someone who saw the arrangement told me to go home immediately. I thought it was an overreaction. I figured I must have been half asleep and imagined the whole thing, but I didn’t. I went home that day to have the worst health scare of my life. I experienced severe stomach pain, I vomited black substances, and felt like I was dying. My mum prayed for me all night, and when I woke up the next morning, I was totally fine, like nothing was wrong. 

    This made me much more cautious and paranoid when I went back to school, which didn’t help the quality of our friendship.

    What did your friendship look like after school was over?

    In 2023, I was living in Ibadan while Tola was in Lagos. Then I got a life-changing job offer in Lagos from my dream company. I was excited to move to Lagos for work, but I had no place to stay. Tola offered to let me stay with her in her family home which I gladly accepted. However, over the course of the time I spent with her, our friendship slowly crumbled.  

    How did that happen?

    I used to send her reels and posts on Instagram. Just regular gist or updates and after I sent her a video of one of our mutual’s wedding, she accused me of using the accomplishments of her agemates to mock her because she hadn’t made those milestones yet.

    Ah.

    I was just as surprised. Another time, I gave her a birthday gift that I thought was thoughtful, and Tola told me she didn’t like it and didn’t use it at all. When my birthday came around, she mentioned again how she didn’t like the gift I got her and was only buying me a gift out of obligation. Her statement made me so uncomfortable that I told her she didn’t have to get me anything but she didn’t listen.

    I finally saved up enough rent for my apartment and moved out. But things between Tola and I  finally reached it’s peak when she made an impromptu visit me to my apartment to spend a few days.

    What happened then?

    For context, because of past experiences with sexual harrassment, I don’t like being touched and I love being alone in my private space. I used to worry about it being a big issue but my sister and other people close to me have been very accommodating and have no issues letting me have some space when I need it. 

    By 2024, I was much deeper in my faith, and I liked to observe some quiet time with God each day. Because they are my most private thoughts and moments, I preferred to do them alone. When Tola came to visit, I begged her to please leave the room for an hour while I did my devotion. It wasn’t something I wanted to postpone, but she treated it as if I had asked her to get out of my house. She started giving me the silent treatment, and I felt bad. I know asking for privacy in a shared space can be awkward, but I thought she’d understand as we’d lived together before and we had the same principles around our devotional time.

    [ad][/ad]

    How did you handle that?

    I made a tweet on my private account about how even if you really love someone, sometimes you may need space from them. I thought I was weird for craving some alone time even if someone was hanging out with me. A friend and another acquaintance sent this tweet to Tola, and she picked a fight with me. Even though I tried to explain that the tweet was me just musing about my personal boundaries and how best to navigate them, Tola saw it as an attack on her and left. I got fed up.

    What did you do next?

    I blocked her and the rest of the friend group on all social media platforms. The constant fighting, deprecating jokes, malice and tip toe-ing on eggshells had taken a toll on me.

    How did you feel after you made this decision?

    I thought I would feel bad but what I actually felt was relief. It was like a load had been lifted off my shoulders and I could finally breathe. That’s how I knew that I made the right decision by cutting them off.

    Has this experience with your ex-friends affected the way you navigate friendships?

    Yes. It’s still fresh in my mind, so I’m still wary of forming new relationships, and I’ve noticed I’m a bit paranoid about people’s true intentions when they try to get close to me. I know that I’m going to put myself out there and form new bonds, but right now, I’m focused on my healing.

    Would you be open to reconciliation if they reached out to you?

    Not at all. May affliction not rise again. I think that friendship has run its course entirely. I don’t want to deal with people who want me to celebrate their wins but have no interest in celebrating mine.

    See what people are saying about this article on Instagram.

    Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!

  • When Tamilore*(23) and Semilore*(22) met during their university registration in 2017, they had no idea their chance encounter would turn into a life-defining friendship. But something about that day — and their matching energy — stuck. From rescuing each other in uncomfortable situations to navigating heartbreak, relocation and marriage, the two women believe their bond has always been God-ordained.

    In this story, they talk about knowing they were meant to be in each other’s lives, surviving the pain of separation, navigating marriage, distance and life changes, and why their friendship still feels like the safest place in the world.

    This is Tamilore and Semilore’s story, as told to Adeyinka

    Tamilore: I can’t remember the exact date, but it was September 2017,  our first day in university. It was a new environment, and I didn’t know anyone. At the registration point, I noticed this girl surrounded by three guys. And I just thought, “Isn’t today resumption? How does she already know so many people?” I didn’t realise one of them was her brother.

    I was still observing her when she walked up to me, smiled and said hi. She told me she was also in 100 level. I remember being stunned; she was so warm, so confident. It was the cutest thing I’d ever seen. Honestly, Semilore was the most excited fresher I’d ever met. I didn’t realise it then, but I’d just met my platonic soulmate. After that quick chat, we went our separate ways.

    Semilore: That was the exact day I saw her, too. I came in with my brother and his friends, and the first thing I noticed was this really pretty girl. She also had this sweet accent, so everyone turned whenever she spoke to the hall admins. You couldn’t miss her.

    When I saw her, I heard the Holy Spirit say, “That girl is your friend.” I didn’t know it was the Holy Spirit then, but the voice was clear. So I walked up to her, introduced myself, asked for her room number and gave her mine. I forgot hers almost immediately, but I knew we’d meet again.

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    Tamilore: We met again that same day. I went to get food, and there she was again with a large group of people. At that time, I still didn’t know they were her brother and his friends, so I kept thinking, “This babe is really connected oh.”

    Then she saw me and came to say hi again, still with the same level of energy. The hug came naturally, and it felt like meeting someone with the same spirit as mine. 

    Semilore: It was later that night I saw her again when my brother took me to say hi to some people. And I was wondering, “Does she even remember me?” I walked up to her and asked, and she did. That’s when she also realised the guy I was with earlier was actually my brother.

    We gisted more and returned to our hostel together that night. That’s when the friendship properly began.

    Tamilore: We just clicked. After that day, we started doing everything together — classes, food runs, everything. People would ask if we’d known each other before uni because our bond was that tight. But it just felt easy and natural. We became so attached to each other that it felt like we couldn’t function separately.

    Semilore: I think what really deepened the friendship for me happened a few days after the first night we met. We’d joined this group chat for freshers, and even though we were still new to each other, I noticed Tamilore didn’t follow the crowd. She had her own mind. That stood out.

    Then one evening, I saw a guy disturbing her outside the cafeteria. He was dragging her hand even though she was clearly saying no. I watched for a while, then I thought, “Nah. I have to intervene.”

    I walked up and said, “Tamilore, I’ve been looking for you. Are we not supposed to be doing something?” I took her hand and dragged her away. Even when the guy followed us, I stood my ground. She was so confused because we hadn’t even made any plans. But I told her I’d noticed she was uncomfortable and just had to do something. That was the moment we moved from acquaintances to real friends.

    [ad]

    Tamilore: I’d actually forgotten that moment, but now I remember how shocked I was. I was so close to screaming, and I didn’t know what to do. She swooped in like a literal angel. It wasn’t just relief I felt, it was peace. I hadn’t even asked for help, but she saw me. That moment meant everything.

    Semilore: I’ve had friends before Tamilore, but this felt different. Before I got into university, I prayed. I was just 14 at the time and scared. I didn’t pray for good grades or money, I just asked God for one genuine friend. That’s all I wanted.

    So when I saw her that day and heard that voice in my head, I didn’t even hesitate. I now realise that was God answering me. That’s why this friendship has felt so sacred. There’s been no jealousy, competition, or betrayal — just ease.

    Tamilore: Same. I’ve had good friends too — people I still love and speak to — but the friendship with her felt completely different. I’m not someone who’s constantly in touch. I disappear from time to time, and most people know that. But with Semilore, I found someone I could be vulnerable with from day one. No performance, no filter.

    It was so intense that at some point, I had to ask myself, “Am I maybe queer?” I wasn’t,  I just loved her deeply. Still do. It’s hard to describe, but it felt like God handpicked her for me; a literal soul connection.

    Semilore: I keep telling my husband that if I were a lesbian, I’d have married Tamilore.

    Tamilore: We even joked about it at some point, wishing we were both gay so we could just be together forever. But it’s never been romantic, just a kind of love you don’t find twice.

    Semilore: The first real heartbreak in our friendship came when she left. She’d only spent one semester in our school. I kept asking if she was resuming during the holidays, and she kept dodging the question. One day, I confronted her and said,  “You’re not coming back, are you?” She confirmed it, and I cried my eyes out.

    Tamilore: We both cried. I hadn’t planned to leave, but I didn’t really have a choice. I’d transferred from another uni where the law programme was not accredited. My dad later discovered that my original first-choice school, much closer to home, had actually given me admission. I had to take it. It wasn’t an easy decision at all.

    Semilore: Tamilore didn’t tell me because she knew she was my only close friend. When she finally admitted it, I asked where she was going, and when she said Benin, which was my place of residence, I felt some peace. But returning to school without her was hard. It felt like everyone was watching me to see how I’d cope. Even though it came from a place of concern, it felt like mockery sometimes.

    Still, I understood that she was also alone where she was. That realisation helped me deal with the loneliness. We kept in touch, and our bond only grew stronger.

    Tamilore: Honestly, it all worked out for us. I don’t even see her as a friend anymore. She’s my sister.

    Then in 2022, Semilore had to relocate. That was another test of our friendship. The time difference really tried us. But we were intentional about maintaining what we had. We set aside time for check-ins and had an unspoken agreement: if either of us calls at an odd hour, the other must answer because it probably means there’s an emergency. That rule helped us stay connected even across continents.

    And then she got married. That was another emotional shift. I often have to remind myself of the need to respect certain boundaries, even though we’re still as close as ever. We’ve always told our partners, “We’re a buy one, get one free package.” They know we’re not going anywhere. Her husband treats me like her sister, and my partner treats her like mine. It’s honestly the cutest thing.

    I remember calling her during the first week of her marriage, and her husband picked up. I screamed, “Semilore, there’s a man in your room!” Then I paused and went, “Oh my God, you’re married now.” Life is life-ing, but our bond keeps blossoming through it all.

    Semilore: Tamilore has been my diary. She’s the first person I run to, whether it’s good news, bad news…anything. And even though life has taken us on different paths, our hearts have stayed in sync. We’ve actually tried to pair our lives together at different points — same uni that didn’t work, same law school that didn’t happen. We even tried to relocate together. Life just kept saying “no.” But despite all of that, we’ve always chosen each other. Everything that’s tried to tear us apart has only strengthened our friendship.

    Tamilore: I like to think we’re beyond soulmates. If there’s something deeper than that, then that’s what we are. The future of our friendship? One word: safety. I want our kids to grow up together, and our husbands to be best friends. Semilore is still patiently waiting for me to marry. Fingers crossed.

    Semilore: Growing up, my mum had a best friend we all called Aunty. I thought she was my mum’s blood sister until I was a teenager. That’s what Tamilore will be to my kids: their Big Mummy. They’ll never know we’re not related by blood. Because truly, this is family.

    Tamilore: The best part about being friends with Semilore is the assurance that I’ve found a home in another human being. With her, I don’t have to perform. I can be soft, loud, broken, or confused, and never feel judged. I’ve found my person, and there’s so much peace in that.

    Before our friendship, I struggled with assertiveness. I was always scared to speak up or express what I truly felt. But watching Semilore be her most honest, graceful self taught me that it’s okay to take up space as long as I do it kindly. I’m a lot more confident today because of her.

    Semilore: I don’t even know if I’ve told you this, Tamilore. But meeting you changed how I relate with God. I’ve always been a Christian — born into a Christian home — but I never had a personal relationship with God until you came into my life. You’re the first friend I’ve ever had who prays with me on the phone. Even when we’re physically together, we still pray.

    You’re such a light, Tamilore. I love you so much. I’m so grateful for your life and for how God used you to shape mine. I pray we achieve everything we’ve dreamed of and do it together.

    Tamilore: Now you want to make me cry. But yes, all glory to God. Amen to all your prayers. I love you more, mama. Thank you for being my home, too.

     *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

    Click here to see what other people are saying about this article on Instagram

    Don’t miss the first-ever Naira Life Conference happening on August 8. Click here to save your seat and be part of the money conversation.

  • Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    Esther* (22) and Dide* (21) had been close since SS3. But as Dide and her boyfriend rose to fame as a celebrity couple, Esther found herself putting in all the effort to maintain their friendship. 

    In this story, Esther shares how their friendship declined, what made her decide to pull back, and if she’d reconcile with Dide if she got the chance.

    Let’s start at the beginning. How did you and Dide meet?

    We met in secondary school. We weren’t close then, but after secondary school, we reconnected and became very good friends despite attending different universities. After a while, other people started referring to us as best friends and we went along with it.

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    How was your friendship with Dide like?

    It was great. We used to visit each other very often, and even our families knew each other because of how much time we spent visiting. But even though we were very close, our friendship experienced a lot of strain.

    How do you mean?

    Dide had a history of bad romantic experiences and that meant if we disagreed over the way her partner treated her, she would ghost me for a while. I always took her back with open arms when she tried to reconcile, because I know how hard it is to see reason when you’re in love. 

    Can you give me an example of this?

    In 2020, she told me about a new boy she was dating. From her description, he was basically perfect, and I was happy for her. A few months down the line, she started saying that he was abusing her physically, verbally and emotionally. Of course, the first thing I told her to do was leave him, but she kept making excuses or changing the subject.

    READ NEXT: Sunken Ships: Her Obsession With Becoming A Pastor’s Wife Ruined Our Friendship

    Whoa. How did you handle that?

    I tried to encourage her and be there for her. So I was the one she’d call when she needed to cry about the situation or needed a pick-me-up. She’d complain he was toxic, but still stayed with him. She even called me early in the morning during one their arguments, where they were screaming insults at each other. Her boyfriend would also report her to me regularly. It was a lot of emotional labour for me.

    Did you ever mention that to Dide?

    No, but I never got the chance. In 2021, Dide and her toxic boyfriend began making couple content on social media and quickly grew a large following. With her newfound popularity, Dide had fewer pockets of free time for us to speak. 

    Did this have an effect on your friendship with her?

    Absolutely. I felt like I was competing for space in her life. I also felt weird because I disliked the way her boyfriend treated her behind closed doors, but they presented such a good image on social media. I was determined to support her and make sure she didn’t feel alone, so I would call her often and send check-in messages. I tried to remind her she was beautiful and she had the strength to leave him but she wouldn’t take most of my calls and only replied to me days or even weeks later.

    Did she ever apologise for her sporadic communication?

    Sometimes she would. She’d give the excuse that she was really busy and that was why she missed messages. But I saw her hang out with her influencer friends on a daily basis on her social media. I eventually took the hint and stopped reaching out entirely. 

    Did she notice this and try to reach out to you more?

    I can’t say she did. She would only call me if she was having a bad time with her man, and once I’d consoled her, she’d disappear again. Even if I tried to check in on her afterwards, she wouldn’t respond to my messages. It felt more and more like I was doing too much.

    Dide and her man broke up and got back together privately so many times, I lost count. One of the few times we spoke about it, she told me that she felt she couldn’t break up with her toxic man because of how popular they had become online.

    At what point would you say the friendship began to decline?

    Later in 2021. I noticed that every time we had spoken, it was because I had reached out. I also noticed she had unfollowed me on Instagram. It hurt, but I kept it moving. 

    Then, in May 2022, she posted an old video of us, and people started reaching out to tell me about it and to ask if Dide and I were friends. This made me reach out to her, and we spoke for a bit on the phone, during which she told me her toxic boyfriend had broken up with her a few months before.

    What was your reaction?

    I was so happy for her. The emotional turmoil of that relationship totally changed Dide from the girl I used to know in secondary school. At the time, she hadn’t posted about the break up online but something happened that brought it all to light.

    Tell me what happened.

    Her ex got married to another person without notice which caused a lot of speculation from their online community. Even when I texted her about it, it took a while for her to respond.  She felt insecure about posting online when it happened. There was commentary from all sides when that went down but I tried to stay by her side and encourage her.

    What happened next?

    Like clockwork, we lost touch again. She got caught up in her influencer activities and didn’t have time for me, but I was used to it. Then one day in 2023, I was online and I saw photos implying she had gotten back together with the same ex that left her for someone else. I was confused.

    [ad][/ad]

    Ah! Did you reach out to her?

    Immediately! I couldn’t believe my eyes. When he first left her, I made sure to confront him online for what he did, so I didn’t imagine they’d get back together. 

    What did she say when you reached out?

    She said she didn’t appreciate me commenting on business that wasn’t mine. She said I should mind my business, and the only reason she didn’t block me for asking about it was our longstanding friendship. So I pulled back and didn’t reach out to her after that.

    Did you guys ever speak after that argument?

    Yeah. I posted something on my WhatsApp status, and she reacted to it. I called her to catch up, and she promised to call me back later, but she never did. When her birthday came around, I sent her well wishes as proof that I had forgiven her, but she never responded. At that point, I had to accept that she no longer considered me a friend. We haven’t been in contact since then. 

    Do you think you guys could still be friends if she came back to apologise?

    Funny enough, yes. I love her enough that I’m willing to continue our friendship, but only on the condition that she starts pulling her weight. I’m not interested in a one-sided thing anymore.

    See what people are saying about this post on Instagram.

    If you would like to share your own Sunken Ships story with us, please fill out this form!

  • Friendships don’t always end with a big fight. Sometimes, they just fade, lost to distance, silence or the quiet pull of life moving in different directions. But even when they’re gone, they linger. In a random song lyric, inside jokes that don’t make sense to anyone else, and in moments when life feels overwhelming.

    Ahead of International Friendship Day, these Nigerians write letters to friends who’ve slipped away —friends they haven’t spoken to in years but still think about or wish were still here.

    “You were the first person to teach me kindness”

    Dear Dayo,

    It’s been over 25 years since we last saw each other, but I still remember you like it was yesterday. You always shared your cabin biscuits during break time, stood up for me when class bullies tried to make me cry, and made me feel like I had a brother in school.

    I’ve tried searching for you online so many times — Facebook, Instagram, even LinkedIn — but it’s like you vanished. I wish I could tell you how much your kindness meant. Life’s been tough lately. I’ve found myself wishing I had someone like you around, someone who’d stand up for me without expecting anything back.

    Wherever you are, I hope life has been kind to you. You were a good person even as a child, and I can’t imagine you grew up to be anything less. Thank you for teaching me what true friendship looked like.

    Sincerely yours,

    Uche, 33

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    “I’d like our paths to cross again”

    Hi O**,

    How have you been? It’s been such a long time. I miss you, even though I know time and distance might make it hard for us to have what we once did.

    I’m truly sorry I wasn’t there for you when your mum passed. I think about it often. Right now, it feels like our friendship has ended, but please know I still care about you deeply.

    I catch myself remembering those days when we were inseparable. I know I’m not the same person you remember, and I imagine you’ve grown in your own ways too. I hope life’s been kind to you, and you’re chasing your dreams the way you always wanted.

    Maybe our paths will cross again someday. I’d like that. Until then, I’m wishing you all the peace and happiness you deserve.

    Yours jejely,

    Dolapo, 20s

    “I wish it had lasted a little longer”

    Dear Adeola,

    See, on a normal day, I was the kid who lived for chance moments; I’d find a trigger and lock in. But in August 2023, I graduated and didn’t know what came next. Not that I was completely lost, but I wasn’t ready for NYSC or the chaos of adult life. Life had other plans, though, and I landed a role as a social media intern at the same organisation you worked for.

    I’ve never had much to be grateful for, but meeting you was different. Sometimes, it felt like we’d met in another timeline — one where we had a house, your favourite flowers in the garden, kids running around and a peaceful, happy life. Looking back now, I realise what hurts the most are the things I never said.

    You showed me love, the kind I didn’t think I’d find. For someone who always felt like too much or never enough, you made me feel fully known. I remember our long talks during and after work, the banter, the rants, those DMs when someone said something funny. You made life feel lighter.

    I’ll never forget that day I told you how I felt. You don’t know this, but it took seven deep sighs and mirror pep talks to get the words out. Then you said, “Ayo, what do you think my age is?” I spiralled after that. You were ten years older, but I was willing to take that leap for the one person who made me feel whole.

    You called to check on me. You made me feel seen. But I don’t think I ever asked if you were okay. Maybe I was too focused on my own healing to notice your cracks.

    I wish I’d done more. Said more. Appreciated you better while I had the chance. Now, you’re a memory I carry with both warmth and ache. Neither of us was perfect. But I wish we got a proper goodbye.

    Always,

    Ayo, 26

    [ad]

    “You’ve stayed with me through everything”

    Dear Qayum,

    I still remember the last time I saw you like it was yesterday. We had just finished fighting over who should have the PlayStation console for the weekend. You know how competitive we always were. I can’t even remember who won that day, but we laughed it off as usual before heading home. I didn’t think anything of it, just one of our regular after-school routines.

    I didn’t expect the next morning to change everything. My parents woke me up with the news that you were gone. An asthma attack overnight. I couldn’t process it. You were fine the day before. We were arguing and laughing. How could someone just not wake up?

    I still see myself, years ago, at the burial ground. It was my first time seeing a body, and it didn’t make sense how death could come for someone so young, so full of life. I stared at you for so long, hoping you’d open your eyes and call me “Ode” like you always did. But you didn’t. You never will.

    I’ve held on to little pieces of you: the PlayStation, one of your jotters from school. Some of those things have gotten lost over the years, but I can never forget you. You’ve stayed with me through everything. I graduated, got my degree, married, and I might soon be a father. I remember wishing so badly that you were the one standing by my side on my wedding day, making jokes, causing trouble like old times. It’s been so long, but I still catch myself wondering how different life would’ve been with you here.

    I miss you every day. I hope you’re safe, wherever you are. I hope you’ve found peace. And I hope, one day, I get to see you again in a place where we can fight, laugh and live together, without time or life getting in the way.

    For the memories we made, and the ones we never got to,

    Damilola, 30

    “I think you would’ve loved the woman I’m becoming”

    Dear A,

    ‎Sitting down to write this was harder than I expected. You’ve been gone two years. I still find it difficult to breathe when the reality that you’re no longer here comes to me at odd times.

    ‎Having you around made life easier. I miss our late-night talks. I never thought we’d bond the way we did, but we clicked, and I’m so glad we did.

    ‎I still go back to our chats, reading your voice in the messages. It’s strange how someone can be gone but still feel so present. You made me feel seen in a way that felt quiet but true. I don’t think you knew how much your kindness meant to me or how steady you were in the chaos that was my life.

    ‎When you died, I didn’t cry immediately. It took days. ‎I just kept saying, “I can’t believe she’s dead.” Then, one day, out by the sea, I cried. ‎It was awful. Nothing prepares you for grief. ‎Not even past grief.

    ‎(I actually wrote that down once, those lines. A small poem in your name. It’s not perfect, but neither was grief.)

    ‎I wish you were here now. So much has happened since you left. Things I wish I could tell you, ask you, laugh about with you. I think you would’ve loved the woman I’m becoming. I think you’d be proud. You’d roll your eyes and hug me all at once.

    ‎Losing you reminded me how fragile everything is. How friendships are important and why you should nurture them while you still have them. You were important and rare. You still are.

    ‎I carry you with me. In laughter, in silence, in softness. I hope, wherever you are, it feels like peace. And I hope you know you were loved by so many.

    ‎Still are.

    With all my heart,

    Princess, 20s

    *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

    Click here to see what other people are saying about this article on Instagram

  • We all have that one friend who’s been around forever and can’t imagine life without. But what happens when that same friend shows you, time and again, that they can’t be trusted?

    In this story, six Nigerians talk about complicated friendships that have stood the test of time. They hold these people dear even though they’ve learnt not to trust them.

    “He’s dependable in every way — except with money” — Nelson*, 31

    Nelson* finds it hard to trust Ike* with money, even though he’s been the most dependable friend in every other way since childhood.

    “Everyone needs a ride-or-die friend who always shows up. For me, that’s Ike*. We’ve been close since childhood, and over the years, he’s proven himself reliable in almost every way. If I need someone to come through last-minute, he shows up — no questions asked. But when money is involved? I can’t trust him at all.

    He’s always broke because of his sports betting addiction, yet he always makes his needs my problem. I didn’t mind helping him at first, but I noticed he became entitled to my money. These days, if I say I’ve already budgeted my cash, he takes it personally. He doesn’t even consider that I’m married and have other responsibilities. 

    I was shocked when I found out he’d used a sick mutual friend to lie about surgery money, just to squeeze more money of me because I was ‘stingy’. That crossed a line for me.

    But we’ve come a long way, and I’m not ready to cut him off. I’ve learned how to manage and love him for what he is. I just try to keep my boundaries clear.”

    “She means well, but I’ve stopped trusting her with anything important” — Lizzy*, 25

    Lizzy* learnt the hard way that while Sylvia* may mean well, she’s not someone to count on.

    “Sylvia is one of the warmest, kindest people I know. We’ve been best friends since secondary school, and her positive energy is what drew me in. But I learnt early on that she’s unreliable.  Too many incidents showed me that.

    One time, I had to travel for just three days and asked her feed my dog. I gave her my spare key, and even sent a reminder on the first day. She assured me she had it covered. But when I returned, I found out she only fed him on that first day. A neighbour told me my dog whimpered for almost two days. He could’ve died.

    Then, at my 25th birthday party, she lost my bag. Sylvia, being my closest friend, held the bag with all the money that guests had sprayed me. At the end of the party, she claimed she couldn’t find it. That bag held over ₦100k. Some people said she probably stole it, but I believe she truly misplaced it because she’s careless like that.

    I’ve just accepted that part of her now. Everyone has their flaws. Sylvia’s heart is good, but I’ve adjusted my expectations accordingly. I don’t trust her with responsibilities anymore.”

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    “I forgave him, but I’ll never forget what he did” — Solomon*, 28

    Solomon* still considers Tunde* a brother, but their friendship changed after Tunde* secretly hooked up with Solomon’s ex.

    “My breakup with my ex didn’t end in drama. We agreed we were better apart. Still, I found it weird that my friend, Tunde*,  who had known her through me, stayed in contact with her. 

    He updated me about her life after the breakup, and even though it was annoying , I brushed it off. We were all adults, and I didn’t want to seem like an insecure ex.

    But not long after, I found out they’d hooked up. They had a full fling behind my back. I was furious, and we stopped talking for months. For me, it was about the principle. How do you betray a friend like that?

    We eventually made up because I didn’t want to lose our friendship over a woman I’d moved on from. Still, that trust didn’t come back. He’s still my guy, but I keep my current girlfriend and female friends far away.”

    She talks too much for her own good” — Suleman*, 33

    To Suleman*, Unmmi* is like family. But after one too many leaked secrets and exaggerated stories, he no longer confides in her.

    “Unmmi is a sweetheart. She’s one of the most present and helpful people in my life. She even matchmade me with my fiancé, and I’ll always be grateful to her. The only problem with our friendship is that she talks too much.

    I stopped confiding in her after I heard my private affairs circulating among other people.. The worst was when we gossiped about a mutual acquaintance accused of something serious, and she related everything word for word. I’d only shared whatever I did in confidence. That built a wall between us. I don’t open up to her the same way anymore.

    She also exaggerates stories and often gets caught in the web of her lies. One day, she’s telling you version A, and the next day, it’s version B. Despite that, I love her like a sister. I just had to filter what I share.”

    Also Read: The Woman Who Found Her Way Back to an Ex After a Bad Marriage

    “She once said she wished she married my husband” — Joke*, 29

    Joke* can’t cut Mariam* off, but she’s learned the hard way not to share her joy, or wins, too freely.

    “Mariam and I have been friends for over ten years. We met during a camp program and immediately clicked. She was soft-spoken, kind, and very different from most people I knew. I didn’t have many friends, so our bond felt special. But with time, I noticed things.

    Mariam had a lot of emotional baggage, especially around losing her mum young. I have both my parents, and it always felt like she wanted special treatment because I had something she didn’t. 

    She also had a habit of putting me down in subtle ways. She made sly remarks, like calling my skin ‘too dark’ or making backhanded comments about my looks. I didn’t realise it back then, but she projected a lot of her insecurities onto me.

    We drifted apart for a few years but reconnected when she moved to my area. I was excited at first, but the old patterns crept back in. She always seemed to want what others had. She’s married to a wealthy man, yet still found ways to say, ‘I wish I married your husband’. Hearing that from someone I considered a close friend didn’t sit well with me.

    Now, I play it safe with her. We hang out and gossip, but I don’t trust her with my joy or personal plans. I also noticed she doesn’t tell me things. She recently started a business, and I only found out by accident. While I don’t dislike her, it’s best if our friendship stays at the surface level.”

    “She’s a sweet friend, but I’ve caught her in too many lies” — Mary*, 24

    Mary* feels she constantly shows up for her friend, only to get half-hearted honesty in return.

    “Esther* and I used to be flat mates until a job took her to Kano. We were excited to reunite at a conference in Lagos, but she cancelled a few days before because of money. She sounded so helpless, and I felt terrible. I even offered to send part of my savings if she could make up the rest. I was constantly checking in and encouraging her to meet up.

    She eventually told me she’d closed a deal at work and managed to come up with money. I was thrilled. She came, and we had a great time. But after the event, a mutual friend casually mentioned that Esther had asked him for a large sum to fund the entire trip. I was stunned. She told me she’d refused his help, claiming she didn’t want to look like she was ‘chopping his money’.

    That’s when I realised she lies a lot. When we lived together, she’d buy expensive things and say they came from work bonuses. But I’d find out someone else gave her the money. Recently, a mutual friend living abroad told me he regularly sends her money and tells her to spend part of it on me. She’s never once mentioned it.

    It was painful because I always saw her as someone I could trust completely. But these little lies piled up, and it got worse because she loved calling other people out for being dishonest while doing the same herself. Still, I never confronted her. When I lost someone close, she supported me in ways that I’ll never forget. She showed up and stood by me more than anyone else. I still love her even after all the lies. but I’ve made up my mind to never fully trust her again.”

    If you want to share your own story, I’d love to hear it here.

    Click here to see what others are saying about this article on Instagram

    [ad]

  • Best friendships are rarely planned. Sometimes, they happen by chance, sneaking up in the middle of an ordinary moment that changes everything. Other times, they start with one small, powerful act of kindness.

    We asked six Nigerians to share the exact moment they knew they’d found the one they’d call their best friend for life. Their stories will warm your heart.

    “He saved me from drowning in a river.” — Samuel* 37, M

    Samuel and Tomi* became besties after an averted drowning incident that deepened their friendship. Their bond has stayed strong for almost twenty-five years.

    “Tomi and I became best friends after he saved me from drowning when we were 12. We were in the same friend group made up of the neighbourhood boys where we lived, but we weren’t close. 

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    That particular day, we all went swimming in a nearby river even though our mothers had warned us not to. I’m not sure what went wrong, but I couldn’t keep my head above water at some point. I tried calling for help, but water flooded my mouth. Only Tomi noticed and swam to me without hesitating. He pulled me out of the water and saved my life. We have been inseparable since. 

    Tomi moved out of the country in 2022, but the distance has nothing on us. We still text almost every day and hop on a video call at least once a week. He’s my guy for life.”

    “She defended me from being bullied.” — Derayo* (28), F

    Derayo became best friends with Demide* after Demide’s kindness during their A-levels changed her life.

    “I was bullied a lot in secondary school, and didn’t have any friends to speak of. That changed when I started my A-levels in 2014. 

    One day, I accidentally ran into Derayo, spilling her books on the floor like in the movies. I apologised, and we talked for a bit. We found that we had similar interests, and that’s how we became friends. From that day, Derayo would come to my class to spend her breaks with me. She helped me with my self-confidence and defended me from anyone who tried to bully me for the rest of the school year. 

    About five months after we met, she officially asked me to be her best friend. I said ‘yes’, and our friendship has been rock solid since. We went to different universities after A-levels but spent every strike break and holiday together, either at her house or mine. Her family has basically adopted me as their child, and mine has done the same. 

    I can’t imagine my life without her. I love her so much. We have our differences, but I am sure nothing can come between us.”

    “She was my brother’s best friend, and I stole her from him.” — Fiyin* (30), F

    Fiyin and Timi* met when Timi was dating Fiyin’s brother. They clicked instantly, and their friendship has remained strong eleven years later.

    “My brother and best friend were initially besties, but one thing led to another, and they dated briefly. During their relationship, he introduced me to Timi, and the spark was instant; we became inseparable almost immediately. 

    Timi and my brother eventually broke up, but our friendship didn’t wane; in fact, it became stronger. It’s been eleven years of the best friendship ever. Sometimes, my brother jokes that I stole her from him, and I’m happy I did.  Timi and her kindness constantly inspire me. I already know what colour I will wear to her wedding and the name she’s giving my first child. She’s basically my sister now.”

    “Our first business together made us best friends.” — Seun* (40), M

    Seun’s friendship with Biola* started in secondary school when they started a comic book business together. They still invest in businesses together, and their friendship is as strong as ever.

    “Biola and I were set mates in secondary school. When we were in SS2, I started drawing comics as a hobby. Seun saw one of them and suggested we start a business where he would write stories, and I would convert them to comics. We didn’t make a dime from that business, but our friendship has become one of the best ones I have ever experienced. 

    [ad][/ad]

    We’re old men now, but we’ve done countless investments and businesses together. He is the person I go to when I need advice or an ear to rant to, and he comes to me when he needs the same. I know that I can be completely honest with him. Our friendship has carried us both through some really rough stages in our lives. I feel very lucky to know him.”

    “She raised money to replace my phone unprovoked.” — Tolu* (29), F

    Tolu realised Bisi* was her best friend after she went out of her way to raise funds for her after she got robbed.

    “I got robbed on my way back home from work in 2022. The thieves took my phone and all my money. I was devastated because I had just gotten the phone a few months before the robbery. 

    As soon as Bisi heard about it, she started a savings group and added all our mutual friends. Over the course of two months, they put money together to get me another phone. When she brought me the phone, I immediately started crying. It was such a kind thing to do, and she did it unprovoked. Our bond has only gotten stronger since then. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.”

    “My best friend helped me escape an abusive marriage” — Yetunde* (59), F

    Yetunde became besties with Abosede* after Abosede helped her leave an abusive marriage and restart her life in a new city.

    “I got married in 1988 to a physically and verbally abusive man. I didn’t want to face the stigma of having a failed marriage, so I didn’t feel I could speak out or ask for help. 

    Abosede and I were friends while I was in school, but we lost touch after graduation. We reconnected at an owambe in 1998, and I told her about what I was going through. She was livid and told me I had to get out of that situation.  

    She planned my escape with me, helped me rent an apartment when I moved out with my children and held my hand throughout the whole divorce process. I’m sure I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it if she weren’t by my side. Even afterwards, she stood by me when I needed support. We still call each other weekly and visit each other often. I see her as more than a friend; she is now my sister.”

    READ NEXT: 5 Nigerians Write Letters to Friends They Wish Were Still in Their Lives

  • Many people would do everything but tell you they don’t want you in their space. Whether it’s a romantic partner, a friend, or even your own family, there comes a point when you realise you’re barely being tolerated. 

    In this story, five Nigerians share the moments they realised they weren’t wanted in a space. Some saw it coming, but others found out in the most embarrassing ways possible.

    “He mistakenly sent me the message where he gossiped about me” — Christina*, 27

    Nothing humbles you like realising you’ve become an inside joke. For Christina*, an accident exposed the truth.

    “When my then-boyfriend, Tade* and I got serious, I started spending weekends at his place. His house was closer to my job than mine on the mainland, and I thought it made sense to attend his church together. I’m not even of the same denomination, but it felt like something couples do.

    One Sunday, after service, one of his friends asked if I’d like to join the youth group. I’d barely opened my mouth when Tade said, ‘She’s not really a member. She just likes following me around.’

    The way he said it made me uneasy, but I let it go. Later that week, the same friend sent me a flyer for a church picnic. I forwarded it to Tade with excitement, and a few minutes later, I got the same flyer back from him with a deleted message. Thank God for GB WhatsApp. The message read ‘I’m so tired. This babe can’t take a hint.’

    I know he meant to send it someone else and mistakenly forwarded it to me. When I called to ask, he fumbled through some lame explanation. That moment opened my eyes to all the disrespect I’d been brushing aside. I didn’t even argue. I just slowly stopped showing up — first from church, then from the entire relationship.”

    “She told my in-law I was bringing the boys I sleep with into her house” — Muheebah*, 43

    For Muheebah*, what started as a generous favour quickly became a real-life Cinderella story.  It didn’t take long to realise that nothing she did would ever be enough.

    “I’d just gotten married when I landed a government job in Abuja. I couldn’t afford my own place immediately. That’s when my in-laws introduced me to Mrs. Shewa*, a family friend with a new ministerial appointment. She lived alone in a massive duplex and offered to let me stay there until I could afford my own space.

    At first, I felt relieved. But after the first few weeks, her behaviour changed. The warmth disappeared. She started ignoring me and acting irritated whenever I greeted her. Then she rolled out rules: no music, no guests, and no staying out late. I followed everything since I didn’t want any issues.

    She had a chef and a cleaner, but both of them left because of how difficult she was. She refused to replace them, so I ended up cleaning and running errands. Despite that, I still walked on eggshells around her.

    The final straw was so ridiculous. My younger brother, who was in the university, got stranded after a field trip. He called me, and I told him to come over for the night. When I got home, I explained everything to Mrs. Shewa, introduced them, and told her he’d leave the next day. She nodded and smiled.

    The next morning, I went to greet her and overheard her on a call with my sister-in-law. She told her I’d started bringing the young boys I sleep with into her house. She was talking about my blood brother. I froze.

    I didn’t confront her. I just knew I had overstayed my welcome. Not long after, I begged a friend at the office to let me squat and moved out.”

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    “She lied that her generator was spoiled” — Raji*, 29

    When a power fault chased Raji* out of his apartment, he thought he could count on his girlfriend. The many signs gave him a harsh reality check.

    “I had dated this woman for a few months when the first real sign came, though I didn’t want to admit it then.

    Until that point, she always visited me at my place. But one weekend, an electrical fault knocked out the light in my apartment for days. I didn’t want to sleep in the heat, so I called her and asked if I could stay over. She agreed, but her tone sounded far from excited. I assumed it was because I told her last minute.

    When I got there, the vibe felt off. She wasn’t hostile, but she wasn’t warm either. She told me her generator wasn’t working. Lagos heat is no joke, and her apartment had no proper windows, so it was almost unbearable. I offered to take a look at the generator, but she told me not to worry. The next day was the same story. She kept asking when the electrician would fix my place and casually dropped hints like, ‘Hopefully it doesn’t take long o.’

    By the third night, I knew something was off. She stepped out for an errand, and I used that opportunity to check the generator myself. To my shock, it worked perfectly. She had just refused to put it on.

    I should’ve left at that point, but I was in denial. I was literally paying for our food, and could buy the fuel too. Why would she want me gone so badly?

    Later that day, she mentioned her friends were coming over and asked if I’d still be around. I told her I’d love to meet them, and her face changed. She awkwardly said maybe she’d tell them not to come. I realised she didn’t want them to meet me. She’d met all my friends, but I hadn’t met any of hers. I started wondering if it was because I was short or not attractive enough. My mind was all over the place.

    That night, I did something I’m not proud of. I went through her phone. That’s when everything clicked. She had been cheating. The other guy was on his way from Port Harcourt to visit her, and they had been making plans for weeks. I wasn’t even the main guy in her life.

    She tried to gaslight me for going through her phone when I confronted her. But I had seen enough to know she  didn’t want me around.”

    “They told me that still living at home at my age was a shame” — Sharon, 33

    Living with Nigerian parents past a certain age feels like a ticking time bomb. In Sharon’s* case, the only way out was the actual door.

    “I never imagined a day would come when I’d feel like a stranger in my own parents’ house. But after I turned 30, the atmosphere changed.

    Suddenly, every little thing became a problem. My mum started complaining that I lazed around, despite knowing I work remotely. She’d nag about chores and constantly compare me to my mates who were married with kids. Sometimes, it wasn’t even subtle. She’d say things like, ‘At your age, if you had a husband, you wouldn’t be living under our roof.’

    My dad didn’t help either. He said I wasn’t contributing enough financially and needed to do better. Every complaint circled back to the same thing — my supposed failure to find a husband.

    They don’t know I’m a lesbian. And with how they talk about queer people, I know they’ll never accept any version of my truth.. I thought I could manage a little longer while I saved up to move out quietly.

    But the final straw came on a Sunday when my mum’s church friends visited. After the usual pleasantries, they pulled me aside and said I was embarrassing my parents. They called it ‘a shame’ that I still lived with my parents.. They accused me of being too picky, and one of them even offered to introduce me to a man in their prayer group.

    That was it. I knew I couldn’t pretend the home I’d known all my life was safe or loving. I borrowed money for rent and packed my things the following week. It was very tough on me, but it was for the best.”

    “He told me his family was coming over, but I knew I’d already been phased out”  — Dele*, 25

    Getting iced out of group plans tells anyone their time’s up. Dele* didn’t wait to be told twice.

    “After NYSC, I moved to a new city to job hunt. I reached out to a long-time friend with spare accommodation, and he was kind enough to let me stay with him for a while. Honestly, things started off great. We’d cook together, hang out, and gist late into the night. It felt like a comfortable extension of our university days. But after a few months, another friend of his came to visit, and everything changed.

    It started subtly. They’d only talk when I wasn’t around, and whenever I asked where they were going, they gave vague answers. I’d be home alone while they went to the cinema or parties, and when they returned, they’d laugh and talk about it.

    At first, I thought I was overthinking it. But even small conversations became awkward. My friend even started snapping at me over little things. Gradually, I started feeling like an intruder. Then one day, he casually mentioned that his family might be coming over for the holidays and that things might get a little tight. He didn’t say it outright, but I got the message. I just wish the situation had been handled better.”

    If you want to share your own story, I’d love to hear it here.

    Read Next: My Female Bestie Helped Me Make It. Now She’s the Reason I Can’t Keep a Relationship

    [ad]

  • Tayo*, 30, believes he owes his success and growth to Kamsi*, his rich best friend of eight years. But as he gets older and tries to build romantic relationships, her presence in his life becomes harder to explain — and even harder to let go of.

    In this story, he opens up about their complex relationship, the relationships he lost because of it, and the difficult truth he’s finally being forced to confront.

    This is Tayo’s Story As Told To Mofiyinfoluwa

    If you had told me ten years ago that my most important — and most complicated — relationship would be with a girl I met during a group project, I wouldn’t have believed you. But eight years later, Kamsi is my closest friend, my greatest support system, and the one person I don’t know how to let go of. 

    The problem? I think her presence might be the reason I keep losing every other woman I try to love.

    I grew up in a modest, middle-income family in Lagos. My dad worked as a civil servant, and my mum ran a provisions shop in front of our house. We weren’t poor, but money was always a struggle. As the first of five kids, I felt the weight of responsibility early. I hated the way neighbours gossiped about how often my mum borrowed money, or the looks I got from classmates when I couldn’t afford school trips. So, I mostly kept to myself.

    I got into a private university on a partial scholarship to study Accounting. Even with the scholarship, things were still tight. During holidays, I worked at a cybercafe and used the opportunity to take basic computer lessons. That was my first brush with tech. It wasn’t like now, when everyone has access to courses and wants to break into tech. Back then, I had to piece things together by watching YouTube videos and paying for cheap online classes. I also fixed people’s laptops for extra cash.

    That was how I met Kamsi in my final year. We were coursemates, but we hadn’t really interacted until a group project brought us together. Her laptop crashed the night before the deadline, and I offered to help. We worked through the night to get it done, and she was so grateful. From there, we started hanging out more. We’d walk to class and get lunch together. She talked a lot and I liked to listen. That balance made our friendship click almost effortlessly.

    After graduation, we remained close. We both stayed in Lagos and lived not too far apart. Kamsi would invite me out with her friends or drag me to networking events I’d never have attended on my own. She came from a lot of money — her dad owned a big fintech — but she never made me feel small. In fact, she was the first person who truly believed in my tech journey and encouraged me to pivot from accounting into software product management.

    When I was going through a rough patch, where I was stuck in a terrible contract job that didn’t pay me for three months, she stepped in without me asking. She spoke to her uncle, and I landed a role at his startup. That job changed everything. It opened doors, helped me build my portfolio, and gave me the confidence to chase bigger opportunities. For the first time, I stopped stressing about money and even began sending money home.

    It was around then that I got into my first serious relationship, with a girl named Dolapo*. We met in church and things moved smoothly. She knew I was close to Kamsi and didn’t have a problem with it. Sometimes the three of us would even hang out. But then something happened between me and Kamsi that changed everything.

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    One night, we went out drinking and ended up back at her place, talking like we usually did. The conversation drifted to how we’d never been attracted to each other. I don’t know why it happened — maybe it was the alcohol or just the mood — but we kissed. Then we had sex. The next morning, we acted like it hadn’t happened. I couldn’t look her in the eye, but I pretended everything was fine. 

    After that night, I couldn’t be myself around Dolapo. I knew if we all hung out, she’d sense something was off. I started pulling away, torn between guilt and confusion. Eventually, we broke up. Sometime after that, Kamsi and I finally had the hard conversation. We both admitted it was a mistake that happened out of curiosity, and agreed never to let it happen again. That was five years ago, and we’ve stuck to that decision.

    But it changed everything, even if we don’t admit it. Over time, Kamsi became more emotionally vulnerable with me. In 2021, she went through a very depressive phase. Her family expected her to take over her dad’s company, but she didn’t want to. On top of that, she’d just come out of a toxic relationship with a well-known person. She had panic attacks and would call me crying, and I became her support system. She even started visiting my parents, who adored her. My mum has asked more than once why I won’t just date her. I always brushed it off. 

    Read Also: I Left a Comfortable Life in America to Escape My Wife

    I still never saw anything wrong with our friendship until I met Queen* in 2023.We met at a tech summit I spoke at. She was witty and confident. Being with her felt like a breath of fresh air. We started dating not long after, and things moved quickly. But there was one thing she couldn’t get past: Kamsi.

    She didn’t like how often we talked, how involved we were in each other’s lives, or how casually we called each other “babe.” I tried to explain that it was just a joke we started years ago because people thought we were dating, but Queen didn’t buy it. She said I’d choose Kamsi if I ever had a crisis.  She already thought this without even knowing the full history, that Kamsi and I had sex.  Still, I thought Queen was just being possessive.

    Then came the day everything blew up. I had just landed a huge contract with a multinational oil company. Kamsi had put in a word through her dad, and I didn’t think anything would come of it. But I got the job, which would be my biggest break and 5X my income. I was with Queen at the time, and Kamsi came over to give me the news in person. I was so excited that when we hugged, I lifted her and she pecked my cheek.

    Queen was furious. She asked me to apologise, but I refused — I didn’t see what we’d done wrong. She picked up her bag and walked out. Maybe I should have gone after her, but I didn’t want to leave Kamsi. I knew she’d struggled with self-harm in the past, and I didn’t want to trigger anything. I texted Queen instead, but she’d blocked me.

    I gave it a few days, hoping she’d come around. When she didn’t, I went over to her place. She said I was the problem because I refused to see how blurred the boundaries had become, and deep down, I didn’t want to. She said Kamsi held too much power over me emotionally, and even financially. Whether I realised it or not, I leaned on her more than I should. What stung the most was when she added, “Maybe it’s not that you love her, but you love what she gives you.” We broke up that night, and  I cried. Not just because I lost Queen, but because deep down, I knew she might be right.

    Kamsi comforted me, like she always does. But when I mentioned possibly getting back with Queen, she changed. She didn’t say much — just shrugged and said she never liked Queen. That comment felt…off. Since then, I’ve started questioning everything.

    She still jokes about being my Chief Bridesmaid when I get married. But the truth is, I don’t know if I can build a healthy relationship with someone else while she’s this involved in my life. What if no woman ever feels secure enough to stay? But I feel like I owe her the same loyalty she’s shown me.

    It’s been two months since Queen and I broke up. I still think about getting back with her, and about the life we could have. I also think about Kamsi, and how she’s been my one constant. So much of who I am is because of her.

    If you want to share your own story, I’d love to hear it here.

    Click here to see what people are saying about this story on Instagram

    [ad]

  • Whether it’s a job, a relationship, or just the way someone looks on Instagram, jealousy has a way of creeping into even the closest friendships. For most people, the feeling is uncomfortable, and sometimes a little shameful.

    In this story, five people open up to Zikoko about the moments jealousy reared its head in their friendships and how they handled it.

    “I didn’t notice that the jealousy was building till I caught myself comparing her Instagram photos to mine.” — Jemima* 26, F

    Jemima* started going to the gym to get fit and feel better but she began feeling jealous of her gym buddy when she wasn’t seeing results as fast as she would have liked.

    “I know people say jealousy is a normal feeling but it’s such a jarring thing to feel towards your friend. In 2021, I and a good friend became gym buddies. We both had body goals we were working towards and tried to motivate each other. By 2022, my friend had smashed her goals and was looking great while I had gained more weight. I didn’t notice that the jealousy was building till I caught myself comparing her Instagram photos to mine. 

    I didn’t talk to her about it though, I was afraid of how she would take it if I spoke up about feeling jealous. Instead, I took my time to work on my insecurities privately because it wasn’t her fault that I thought she looked better than me.”

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    “I got jealous when my best friend started dating my crush.” — Remi*, 30, F

    Remi* had never been jealous of her friends until her bestie started dating her uni crush. She shares how an honest conversation years after helped her resolve the feeling.

    “My best friend started dating someone I had a massive crush on in uni. I pretended to be fine with it, but inside, I was boiling. I introduced them, and she knew how much I liked him. It got to a point where I stopped replying to her texts because it felt like she was throwing it in my face. We tried to talk it out, but harsh words were exchanged, and we stopped being close for a few years. We reconnected in 2020, had an honest conversation about it, and rekindled our friendship. In the gap when we weren’t close, I had to learn that jealousy is a normal feeling. It doesn’t make me a bad person, I just needed a space to be honest about my feelings. I’m glad our friendship survived that.”

    “I was jealous of my friends because because I’m a late bloomer” — Abraham*, 26, M

    Abraham* shares how his slow development compared to his mates led hi to jealousy and how sharing his feelings with a friend helped him feel better.

    “I would say I’m a late bloomer. My parents experienced a financial downturn right after I finished secondary school, so I watched all my friends go to university and graduate while I stayed working menial odd jobs to keep body and soul together. It’s not like I wasn’t happy for them, I just wished that good things would happen to me too. 

    It was this month that I finally found a safe space to share how I felt with my closest friend, and it made me feel so much better. He didn’t judge me or try to make it seem like I didn’t want the best for him. He’s been sending me free online courses I can take when I’m off work. I hope to get my first certification by mid-2026.”

    “My jealousy rose when my best friend moved abroad and made new friends.” — Mike*, 28, M

    Mike* was happy when his best friend moved abroad for school but started getting feelings of jealousy when he felt like he was being replaced.

    “I don’t think jealousy makes you a bad person if you handle it correctly. My closest friend moved out of Nigeria in 2015 and watching him settle into his new American life made me really happy. A few months after, he started making friends and I felt like I was being pushed out of his new life. Our texts dwindled and we didn’t speak for months but one day, he called me and asked why I had been distant.

    I shared my fears about being replaced and ho he made me feel. I thought he would get upset but he reassured me immediately. It was like a weight was taken off my back. If you feel jealous of your friend, I think you shout give talking it out a shot. It resolves more than you think.”

    [ad][/ad]

    “I got jealous when she got a job before I did” — Kemi*, 29, F

    Kemi* and her friend started job hunting together to keep each other motivated. Kemi’s feelings started to change when she noticed she was the only one sharing job applications.

    “A friend and I had been job hunting together since the start of the year. I would share any job openings I saw so that we would both apply, but I noticed she hardly sent any to me. Then last month, she called me in the middle of the night, asking me to help her with an assessment test for a job she never told me she applied for. I helped her out, and she got hired almost imediately. I felt really jealous that, despite her not being as open-handed as I was with the job applications, she got a job before I did.

    I didn’t like the feeling, and I kept my distance until I felt more in control of my emotions. I didn’t raise the issue with her either, before it seemed like I wasn’t happy for her.”

    READ NEXT: I Lied About Being Kidnapped To Leave A Toxic Marriage

  • Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    Dunni* (28) and Theresa* (29) met in secondary school and bonded over their love for art and reading. 

    But by university, a messy first heartbreak and a desire to become a pastor’s wife pushed Theresa down a religious path Dunni couldn’t follow, and it tore their friendship apart.

    Tell me how you guys met.

    Theresa* and I met in secondary school. We were in the same class in JSS1, and over the course of the year, we gravitated towards each other because of our shared love for books and art. We became good friends by the end of the year and stayed close after secondary school since we ended up at the same university.

    What was your friendship like?

    Wonderful. We spent all our free time creating fictional characters, drawing, or just gisting. But Theresa was very sensitive, so we got into disagreements a lot — usually from miscommunication or her misreading something I said as offensive. Still, we always managed to mend our rifts until we couldn’t.

    What happened?

    Surprisingly, I blame religion. Even though we’re both Christians, I think that’s what’s responsible for the distance between us now. We were raised in church— both Pentecostal— but didn’t attend the same one. We shared similar ideologies, like saving sex for marriage. But Theresa’s parents were hyper-religious and controlling. Every time she did something wrong or made them unhappy, she was “nailing Jesus to the cross again”. Theresa took that literally. 

    Once, in SS3, she kissed her crush and tried to go on a 40-day fast so Jesus would forgive her. We only found out when she collapsed in school on the third day. The school and her parents got involved. It was a dramatic scene, but I supported her through it.

    The problem is, she never knew when to stop. She brought the same overzealous energy to university. In 2018, things got really extreme. 

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    Tell me about that.

    We studied different courses, so we didn’t see each other every day. Whenever we linked up, we’d update each other on happenings in our lives.

    In March 2018, during one of our catch-up sessions, she told me about *Tomisin, a youth pastor she was dating. They seemed pretty serious and talked about marriage and starting a church. I was really happy for her. I thought being with someone who matched her faith and spirituality would help her learn to relate to it in a healthier way. But I was wrong.

    How so?

    That relationship was the worst thing for her. In May, she came to our catch-up session in tears. They’d made out that week, and she thought she was going to hell. I calmed her down like always, and we returned to our lives after that. But then she showed up weeks later, saying they’d started having sex. 

    Normally, I’d be happy for a friend getting some. But Theresa once spiralled from just hugging and kissing a boy. So I was worried.  She told me she felt no guilt because they were planning a future together, but I wasn’t convinced.

    I advised her to be cautious about diving in too deep with someone she’d just started dating.

    How did she take that advice?

    Terribly. She started yelling that I was jealous because she was getting married soon, while I was only in casual relationships. She said God would punish me for going against a union backed by the Holy Spirit and stormed off. I was really shocked and hurt that day. I called her, but it didn’t go through. I tried to send her a message on WhatsApp and realised she’d blocked me. 

    Ah. Did you ever try to confront her in person?

    I tried to greet her a few times and she pretended not to hear me. I’d still see her around campus with Tomisin, but they ignored me. It hurt, but I had other friends, so I brushed it off and moved on. Then I heard some gist about them in June.

    [ad][/ad]

    They broke up?

    Precisely. Tomisin left Theresa for another babe in their fellowship. She was devastated, but I assumed she was too embarrassed to reach out.

    But I didn’t let that stop me from being the bigger person. I know how first love can mess people up, so I reached out on Instagram and offered my assistance if she needed it.

    What was her response?

    She said I shouldn’t worry, that the devil was trying to ruin the “kingdom plans of God.” I was so confused. Theresa insisted they’d get back together and ghosted again.

    And she was right. They had an on-and-off relationship for the rest of that year. At some point, she got pregnant and had to undergo a traumatic abortion. It affected her mentally and spiritually.

    If you enjoyed this, you’ll also enjoy: Sunken Ships: My Mother Abandoned Me, But Chose to Raise My Brother

    That’s a lot.

    I was sad I couldn’t support her. But our friendship never bounced back after that first fight.

    In January 2019, when we resumed school for the last leg of our final year, Theresa had changed completely. I heard from some of our mutuals that she’d doubled down on religion over the Christmas break.. She preached against romantic relationships in campus shuttles, made videos on social media talking about how the devil uses sex to destroy the lives of young people, and she ditched her classes while at it. It was a crazy time.

    What happened after that?

    We graduated in 2019, but her obsession with becoming a pastor’s wife only intensified. I tried to reconnecting when we left university, but she said our friendship could only work if I could prove I was “passionate about Christ and his Kingdom”. I think I’m an okay Christian, but I’m not pious in that way. I also thought it was ridiculous to prove myself or my faith to her. I abandoned that conversation.

    I still see her videos online. She’s different. I saw one where she was rolling on the dirt because a preacher touched her forehead with his handkerchief. It was jarring.

    Do you miss your friendship with her?

    Sometimes, yes. She was a really fun babe when she wasn’t being extra. Also, we were friends for a long time. It’s hard not to miss someone like that.

    Would you be open to rekindling your friendship if she reached out?

    It depends. I miss her, but I think we’ve outgrown our friendship. I’d still be open to being friends with her, but only if she’s a bit more laid-back.

    If you want us to share your own Sunken Ships story, fill out this form!