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  • Trigger Warning: This article makes mention/reference to instances of self-harm and mental health struggles

    Some friendships shift the entire direction of your life. They are the friends who arrive at the exact moment you’re falling apart and manage to catch you.

    For this story, Zikoko speaks with people about the friendships that saved their lives at their lowest point. 

    From providing emotional support after heartbreak to offering free accommodation, these friends came through when they were ready to throw in the towel.

    “Our friendship has become my salvation” — Vincent*,26, M 

    Vincent met his closest friend this year because their mutual friends insisted they’d get along. When they finally connected, they hit it off instantly, and their friendship has brought him back from the edge countless times.

    “Dami* and I actually met because our mutual friends consistently kept recommending us to each other. I was initially sceptical, but one of us eventually reached out — I can’t even remember who. Our first conversation turned into a passionate two-hour debate about cinema and literature. When we finally met in person last year, it was as if we had always been friends.

    They’re still saving my life. I’ve been dealing with a lot: family issues, money problems, and some very dark moments, and they’ve pulled me back from the edge more times than I can count. I can’t pinpoint a moment that stands out because they have been instrumental in saving me from myself more times than I can count. 

    There were times this year when they could tell I was about to harm myself. They preempted it and dragged me out of the darkness each time. It might not sound dramatic enough, but to me, that’s what salvation looks like.”

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    “Every time I feel like the world is against me, she reminds me I’m not alone” — Eghosa*, 25, F

    Eghosa met Timi, a friend of her crush, and what began as a tepid relationship blossomed into a friendship that has anchored her through tough times. 

    “We met on Twitter in 2018 through my crush. They were friends, and she constantly spoke about Timi, so I thought it might be good to know her. 

    My crush and I didn’t work out in the end, but you see Timi and me? We’re locked in for life. In the beginning, I thought she didn’t like me because she hardly replied to my texts, but we got over that hump, and I realised she’s my platonic soul mate.

    In 2020, after my first relationship with a woman ended, I thought I was going to die. The heartbreak was almost too much to bear, but she called me every day and talked me down during those worst moments. Every time I felt like the whole world was against me, there she was, ready to show me it wasn’t true

    When I started my business last year and was scared that nobody would support me, she was my very first customer. She spent almost ₦100k so I could believe in myself. She wasn’t even in Nigeria at the time. Each time I felt like giving up, she’d place an order or send a message reminding me I’m supported. 

    She’s one of the best things to ever happen to me. One time, someone asked why I didn’t move to her since we’re both lesbians. But  what I feel for her is kind of spiritual; romantic love isn’t enough. My life isn’t enough. Loving her saved me and kept me alive. I don’t know where I’d be without her.”

    “She housed me for eleven months when I first moved to Lagos” — Romade*, 23, F

    From an online connection to a real-life friendship, Romade shares how her friend’s intervention in her life helped set her on a positive path toward her goals.

    “We met on Twitter in 2022 and quickly became close friends. 

    At the end of 2023, I was battling post-uni exhaustion, depression and the absolute torture that was my NYSC year. My friend, whom I had never met in person, knew that I had big plans, and I just couldn’t move the needle on them. She single-handedly built me a CV from scratch and sent me opportunities from companies that offered roles I was interested in. 

    When I first moved to Lagos and was finding my feet, she housed me for 11 months. These things she did without flinching are a big part of why my life has taken a positive turn. I’m so honoured to be friends with her, and I would give her the world if I could.”

    “They created a safe space within their community for me to heal and thrive” — Cynthia*, 27, F

    Cynthia was very vulnerable after finding herself trapped in an emotionally abusive relationship and low on funds, but meeting her friend, Ayo, changed everything for the better.

    “I first connected with them on Twitter, through a random comment. Our conversations quickly blossomed into dates, allowing us to get to know each other. This past year has been incredibly challenging for me. I faced severe financial struggles and found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship that felt impossible to escape without a strategic plan. 

    During this difficult period, they stepped in and offered me both financial and emotional support. They created a safe space within their community where I could share my experiences and speak my truth. As a loner, I couldn’t have fathomed how I would’ve managed to navigate such a tough time  if I didn’t have their support. Their kindness and friendship have been a lifeline when I needed it most, and I wouldn’t trade it for anything.”

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    “My friend group is my lifeline in the middle of mental crises” — Tiolu*, 24, F

     Tiolu shares how her friends’ intentionality about her mental health saved her from being consumed by her condition.

    “I find myself in a quartet I call my small constellation. In 2021, after a painful fallout with my old friend group, I found myself completely alone. 

    That same year, I was fighting a long-standing battle with bipolar disorder and borderline personality disorder. They almost swallowed me whole. I cried every day, questioned my existence, and self-harmed because it felt like the only release I had. I had even started thinking of creative ways to unalive myself. I felt alone and like I had no one to talk to. 

    But quietly, they came into my life.

    We began as a study group, with one person meeting once a week to review class material. Then it became random visits to my room and walks to class together. One person joined, then another. I honestly couldn’t tell you when the third person joined in. One day, I looked around and realised it was the four of us together.

     They’ve shown up for me so gently and consistently that I didn’t even realise I was loving being alive again. I found myself looking forward to their visits, texts, and study group to do assignments.

    Throughout that year, I was in and out of the psychiatrist’s office, exhausted from fighting and losing the fight over my own mind. On the days I couldn’t speak, they sat with me in silence. We cried together, laughed together and made very dark jokes about going together. They never got tired and never made me feel bad for being myself.

    It was the first time in a long time that I felt safe. It might’ve seemed small to them, but our silly little games kept me together. I would tell myself, ‘I promised them I’d show up, so I can’t die today.’

    I love them with all my being, every last corner of it. They became my reason to live that year, and they still are today.”

    See what other people are saying about this article on social media.

    Here’s your next read: 5 Nigerian Men Open Up On Their Life-Changing Male Friendships

  • For many Nigerian men, friendships are where they find the kind of care, honesty, and support that society often doesn’t allow them to ask for openly. Whether it’s a friend who helps you rewrite your career story or pushes you to take a life-changing chance, these relationships often become the quiet backbone of a man’s life.

    Zikoko asked a few men to tell us about the male friendships that changed their lives, and they had some wholesome stories to share.

    “He changed the course of my career with his advice” — Tomi*, 30

    How did you guys meet?

    Fumbi and I met online in 2019 and chatted occasionally, but we weren’t very close. In 2021, I went to check on my new apartment during renovations and ran into him. He turned out to be my upstairs neighbour. We started talking again and clicked instantly. We became so close that it felt like we were flatmates, rather than neighbours. We stayed that way until he passed away in June 2025. 

    It’s been one of the greatest losses of my life.

    I’m sorry. Can you describe an experience that made you realise that he was really your guy?

    Too many to count. Even while battling health challenges, he always checked on me, randomly sent lunch or stopped by my workplace just to gist. He was truly like a brother to me. He was a recruiter and guided me through revamping my LinkedIn profile and changing the course of my career. He was that person who uplifted others and encouraged them to be better.

    What’s something you learned about love, loyalty or friendship from him?

    Before Fumbi, I held grudges easily.. He taught me to let go because you never know when you’ll see someone for the last time. It’s made me a more forgiving person in general, and I will always appreciate him for that.

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    “He pushed me hard to apply for the scholarship that changed my life” — Dayo*, 29

    How did you guys meet?

    We met during our A-level studies in 2014 and became inseparable.

    Can you describe an experience that made you realise that he was really your guy?

    One Sunday in 2022, we were driving around, looking for a football pitch when we saw an ad for a professional programme with a scholarship. I was interested but didn’t want to go through the stress of applying. He pulled me aside and threatened to end our friendship if I didn’t go through with it, so I did. That year-long scholarship introduced me to my future and the community I’m building it with. I don’t know if I would have made that life-changing decision if he hadn’t pushed me to do it.

    What’s something you learned about love, loyalty or friendship from him?

    Sometimes, being a real friend means pushing your person to do what’s best for them.

    “He became my safest space” – Daniel*, 30

    How did you guys meet?

    Biyi* and I met on Facebook while in university. I was initially friends with his older sister, but he and I built a much stronger bond.

    Can you describe an experience that made you realise that he was really your guy?

    When he japa-ed, he made sure I could rent his old flat without paying any exorbitant agency and legal fees. I’d just come out of a long stretch of unemployment and was struggling to afford rent. He also left his appliances and furniture behind, so I wouldn’t have to buy them. I knew he was my guy before then, but that act just solidified it for me. It set me up for a softer landing when I moved out of my parents’ house, and I’m forever grateful for it.

    Biyi’s also my safest space. I can tell him anything and everything without fear of judgment.

    Sweet. What’s something you learned about love, loyalty or friendship from him?

    You don’t have to talk to your best friend every day to be sure they have your best interest at heart. I also learned that a true friend should always tell you the truth, even when it may be hard to hear.

    “He has never made me feel like a burden” — Akin*, 27

    How did you guys meet?

    Bayo* and I grew up together as childhood friends. Our parents share the same anniversary. When he moved abroad for school, I thought the distance would change our relationship, but it didn’t. We’ve stayed closed through the years. 

    Can you describe an experience that made you realise that he was really your guy?

    It’s not a particular thing he did, but more about what he’s always doing. He’s a year younger than me. When people tried to compare us after he moved abroad, he defended me every time. He told them I was his brother., Even now, he doesn’t think of himself alone; he always includes me in everything. We constantly discuss our ideas and our plans for the future. I’ve never felt uncomfortable sharing my big dreams with him because he’s never made me feel like a burden, and that’s rare.

    What’s something you learned about love, loyalty or friendship from him?

    He’s taught me that family isn’t always by blood ties. It’s the people who stay, who show up and who remind you you’re worth choosing.

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    “He inspired me to overhaul my value system completely” — Banji*, 30

    How did you guys meet?

    Yinka* and I met on the church steps ten years ago when I was still religious. He wore an outfit with clashing colours, and I joked about fixing his sense of style. Instead of being upset, he actually found it really funny, and that’s how we became friends.

    Can you describe an experience that made you realise that he was really your guy?

    From the start, he was always open and honest.  Even though we attended different universities, we still travelled to visit each other whenever we could. I really liked that about us. Our friendship made me completely re-evaluate my value system. Yinka made me uncomfortable telling lies, even about the smallest things. Once, we were late to church and I’d planned to blame it on traffic. When a pastor asked, and I lied as planned, Yinka shut it down and admitted that we had just mismanaged our time, which made us late. I was a bit embarrassed, and I felt betrayed that he would out us like that.

    But when I spoke to him about it later, he firmly stated that there was never a good reason to lie and that if we told the truth, what was the worst that could happen? It taught me to always be honest and expect honesty from others.

    What’s something you learned about love, loyalty or friendship from him?

    He taught me one of the most important lessons: how to navigate difficult conversations. Many male friendships suffer from poor communication, but not with Yinka. Because of him, I’ve learned how to express myself even when it’s uncomfortable, and I’m a much better person for it.

    Help Shape Nigeria’s Biggest Love Report! We’re asking Nigerians about relationships, marriage, sex, money, and everything in between. Your anonymous answers will become a landmark report on modern Nigerian love. Click here to take the survey. It’s 100% anonymous.

    Here’s Your Next Read: Nigerian Women on Their Life-Changing Female Friendships

  • Best friendships are rarely planned. Sometimes, they happen by chance, sneaking up in the middle of an ordinary moment that changes everything. Other times, they start with one small, powerful act of kindness.

    We asked six Nigerians to share the exact moment they knew they’d found the one they’d call their best friend for life. Their stories will warm your heart.

    “He saved me from drowning in a river.” — Samuel* 37, M

    Samuel and Tomi* became besties after an averted drowning incident that deepened their friendship. Their bond has stayed strong for almost twenty-five years.

    “Tomi and I became best friends after he saved me from drowning when we were 12. We were in the same friend group made up of the neighbourhood boys where we lived, but we weren’t close. 

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    That particular day, we all went swimming in a nearby river even though our mothers had warned us not to. I’m not sure what went wrong, but I couldn’t keep my head above water at some point. I tried calling for help, but water flooded my mouth. Only Tomi noticed and swam to me without hesitating. He pulled me out of the water and saved my life. We have been inseparable since. 

    Tomi moved out of the country in 2022, but the distance has nothing on us. We still text almost every day and hop on a video call at least once a week. He’s my guy for life.”

    “She defended me from being bullied.” — Derayo* (28), F

    Derayo became best friends with Demide* after Demide’s kindness during their A-levels changed her life.

    “I was bullied a lot in secondary school, and didn’t have any friends to speak of. That changed when I started my A-levels in 2014. 

    One day, I accidentally ran into Derayo, spilling her books on the floor like in the movies. I apologised, and we talked for a bit. We found that we had similar interests, and that’s how we became friends. From that day, Derayo would come to my class to spend her breaks with me. She helped me with my self-confidence and defended me from anyone who tried to bully me for the rest of the school year. 

    About five months after we met, she officially asked me to be her best friend. I said ‘yes’, and our friendship has been rock solid since. We went to different universities after A-levels but spent every strike break and holiday together, either at her house or mine. Her family has basically adopted me as their child, and mine has done the same. 

    I can’t imagine my life without her. I love her so much. We have our differences, but I am sure nothing can come between us.”

    “She was my brother’s best friend, and I stole her from him.” — Fiyin* (30), F

    Fiyin and Timi* met when Timi was dating Fiyin’s brother. They clicked instantly, and their friendship has remained strong eleven years later.

    “My brother and best friend were initially besties, but one thing led to another, and they dated briefly. During their relationship, he introduced me to Timi, and the spark was instant; we became inseparable almost immediately. 

    Timi and my brother eventually broke up, but our friendship didn’t wane; in fact, it became stronger. It’s been eleven years of the best friendship ever. Sometimes, my brother jokes that I stole her from him, and I’m happy I did.  Timi and her kindness constantly inspire me. I already know what colour I will wear to her wedding and the name she’s giving my first child. She’s basically my sister now.”

    “Our first business together made us best friends.” — Seun* (40), M

    Seun’s friendship with Biola* started in secondary school when they started a comic book business together. They still invest in businesses together, and their friendship is as strong as ever.

    “Biola and I were set mates in secondary school. When we were in SS2, I started drawing comics as a hobby. Seun saw one of them and suggested we start a business where he would write stories, and I would convert them to comics. We didn’t make a dime from that business, but our friendship has become one of the best ones I have ever experienced. 

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    We’re old men now, but we’ve done countless investments and businesses together. He is the person I go to when I need advice or an ear to rant to, and he comes to me when he needs the same. I know that I can be completely honest with him. Our friendship has carried us both through some really rough stages in our lives. I feel very lucky to know him.”

    “She raised money to replace my phone unprovoked.” — Tolu* (29), F

    Tolu realised Bisi* was her best friend after she went out of her way to raise funds for her after she got robbed.

    “I got robbed on my way back home from work in 2022. The thieves took my phone and all my money. I was devastated because I had just gotten the phone a few months before the robbery. 

    As soon as Bisi heard about it, she started a savings group and added all our mutual friends. Over the course of two months, they put money together to get me another phone. When she brought me the phone, I immediately started crying. It was such a kind thing to do, and she did it unprovoked. Our bond has only gotten stronger since then. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her.”

    “My best friend helped me escape an abusive marriage” — Yetunde* (59), F

    Yetunde became besties with Abosede* after Abosede helped her leave an abusive marriage and restart her life in a new city.

    “I got married in 1988 to a physically and verbally abusive man. I didn’t want to face the stigma of having a failed marriage, so I didn’t feel I could speak out or ask for help. 

    Abosede and I were friends while I was in school, but we lost touch after graduation. We reconnected at an owambe in 1998, and I told her about what I was going through. She was livid and told me I had to get out of that situation.  

    She planned my escape with me, helped me rent an apartment when I moved out with my children and held my hand throughout the whole divorce process. I’m sure I wouldn’t have been able to go through with it if she weren’t by my side. Even afterwards, she stood by me when I needed support. We still call each other weekly and visit each other often. I see her as more than a friend; she is now my sister.”

    READ NEXT: 5 Nigerians Write Letters to Friends They Wish Were Still in Their Lives

  • Making new friends as an adult is hard. Making friends with Nigerian women? That’s a different level of difficulty. Between men who mistake friendliness for flirting and women who’ve been burnt by shady friendships, many women are cautious about letting new people into their circle. But if you genuinely want to be her friend, here’s how to do it without looking suspect.

    “See gist? Join gist”

    You can’t form a friendship without conversation. If she’s passionately arguing about whether Wizkid or Davido is the GOAT, and you have something interesting to add, that’s your in. Just don’t be a contrarian for vibes. Nobody likes the person who kills the flow of a conversation just to be different. *Amaka, 28, shares: 

    “One of my closest friends today is someone I met at a restaurant. I was ranting about how some Nigerian waiters are super friendly, and she jumped in to agree. We started gisting like we had known each other forever. I left with a friend and a new restaurant plug.”

    Pro tip: If you’re jumping into a conversation, add something meaningful or funny. Don’t just agree for agreement’s sake — contribute something that keeps the gist flowing.

    “Never underestimate bathroom breaks in social gatherings”

    If you’re looking for an organic way to make friends, the women’s bathroom in a fancy restaurant, club or even at all-women events like #HERtitude is prime real estate. Compliments flow freely, and bonds are formed over lipstick adjustments and outfit malfunctions. *Bimpe, 27, shares how she met two of her closest friends:

    “Two of my cutest friendships started in the bathroom of a lounge. One was from helping a girl adjust her wig, and the other was from complimenting a woman’s dress. We exchanged numbers, started hanging out, and now, we’re pretty tight. To be honest, I’ve had to slow down a little because I’m always ready to make friends whenever I run into cute babes in the restroom. I watched Ayra’s “All The Love” video, and it was so relatable.”

    Pro tip: A well-timed compliment is the ultimate icebreaker. If you see a babe struggling with her outfit, offer to help. Just don’t be overfamiliar; read the room.

    TAKE THE QUIZ: Are You Really Your Best Friend’s Best Friend?

    “Shared interests are your best bet”

    Friendships thrive on common ground. If she’s talking about something you love — books, music, fitness, anime, skincare — contribute to the conversation naturally. You don’t need to force a deep connection in one conversation; just keep showing up and engaging over time. *Ife, 34, shares:

    “I made a friend because she saw me reading a book she loved and struck up a conversation. Another one happened at the gym. She was struggling with a routine, I helped out, and we ended up bonding over how wicked personal trainers can be. We aren’t exactly friends friends, but we’ve gotten to that point of just looking out for each other in the gym. I think there’s a future where we become besties if we both lean into it. Fingers crossed.”

    Pro tip: If she mentions something you’re also passionate about, don’t just nod, engage! Ask about her favorite book, recommend a song, or suggest a workout challenge if it’s a gym situation.

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    “Don’t lead with ‘Let’s be friends’”

    Friendship is best when it happens naturally. Telling someone outright that you want to be their friend can come off as strange or even suspicious. Focus on being a fun, engaging person, and let the connection form on its own. *Kenny, 30, shares:

    “A babe once came up to me at a wedding and said, ‘I think we’d make great friends.’ I smiled, but in my head, I was like, ‘Why? Do you want to use me for ritual?’ Obviously, I didn’t say that to her, but I felt the exchange was so random. I gave her my number sha because I didn’t know how to turn her down.”

    Pro tip: Let the friendship form naturally through conversation and shared experiences. Announcing your intentions might make things super awkward.

    “The mutual friend route is your surest plug”

    If you and a potential friend have a mutual connection, use that to your advantage. Group hangouts, bridal showers, birthday parties, or even WhatsApp group chats are solid ways to ease into a new friendship without the awkwardness of a cold approach. *Esther, 24, shares how she connected with a babe on an aso-ebi girlies WhatsApp group. 

    “I became friends with a girl because we were both on the bridal train of a wedding. We didn’t even like the bride that much, but we bonded over the ridiculous tasks they were giving us.”

    Pro tip: Use group hangouts or online interactions to build rapport first. If you’re in a WhatsApp group chat together, react to her messages, share jokes, and ease into private conversations.

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    “Be consistent, but don’t force it”

    Friendships need time to grow, so check in, send memes, and invite her out once in a while. But if she’s not reciprocating the energy, take the L in peace and move on. Not every friendship shot will land, and that’s okay. *Tolu, 28, can relate. 

    “I remember liking this girl in my first year in uni. She just had this really cool vibe and I wanted to be in her clique so bad. We had a couple of exchanges in class, but she wasn’t getting my green light. So, I switched things up and tried to befriend her. But every time I reached out, she was either busy or unresponsive. I’d keep space for her in public lectures, and she’d appreciate my effort but it never went past that. I eventually took the hint and moved on. No hard feelings.”

    Pro tip: Friendships should be mutual. If she’s not reciprocating your energy, don’t overstay your welcome. Some shots will miss, and that’s okay. Focus on people who genuinely want to connect.

    Speaking of women supporting women, have you copped your tickets to #HERtitude2025? It’s Zikoko’s all-female concert, designed just for you. Don’t miss out on good vibes, great music, and a chance to connect with the hottest babes in Nigeria. Grab your tickets here.

    READ THIS NEXT: 33 Sweet Names to Call Your Female Friends in 2025

  • After hearing how Nigerian lovers and family members went the extra mile for each other this year, we figured it was only right to check in on the friendship front. Did broke besties still have each other’s backs? Did friends lift each other up when it mattered most?

    Let’s find out.

    Ahmed*

    My best friend wasn’t just a friend; he was family. When he passed away three years ago, I took it upon myself to look out for his loved ones. But it wasn’t until January that I realised how bad things had gotten financially. His eldest son was in his final year at university, and they couldn’t afford his tuition. His wife was trying to manage, but she was clearly struggling. One evening, she called me in tears to explain the situation. She didn’t explicitly ask for help, but the desperation in her voice was enough. I knew I had to step in.

    The fees weren’t small, and I had to dip into my savings to cover them. It wasn’t an easy decision, especially with the economy the way it is. But I knew my friend would’ve done the same for me if the roles were reversed.

    Dara*

    My best friend and her siblings live abroad, so when their mum fell seriously ill in February, they couldn’t return home immediately. She was panicking on the phone, juggling work deadlines and the guilt of not being able to care for her mum. I’d planned to use my two weeks’ leave from work to rest, but I decided to step in. I moved into their family house and took over. I handled her mum’s medications, cooked meals, cleaned, and went with her to the hospital for check-ups.

    It was a hectic two weeks. I woke up early to prepare breakfast, spent hours at the hospital, and returned home to do chores. I barely had time for myself, but every night, when I updated my friend about her mum, I could hear the relief in her voice, and that made it all worth it.

    Samuel*

    My friend was living with a relative who treated him like trash. He had to deal with constant belittling and snide comments, and they made him do all the house chores. By June, he’d had enough but couldn’t afford to move out.

    After a heated argument with his uncle, he called me to vent, and I told him to pack his bags and move into my house. I live with my parents, but it’s a big place with many empty rooms since most of my siblings have moved out. My parents were sceptical because they didn’t know him well, and we’d had issues with a previous guest. But I convinced them because I couldn’t let him stay in that toxic environment. It’s been six months, and while I’ve seen a different side to him since he moved in, I’m glad I could help him at one of his lowest points.

    Kemi*

    A close friend was diagnosed with a rare blood disorder in May and needed a bone marrow transplant. The procedure wasn’t available in Nigeria, so she had to seek treatment abroad. Her family sold property to raise funds but still fell short. I’m a reserved person and rarely post on social media. But this time, I couldn’t sit back. I shared her GoFundMe link on all my platforms and WhatsApp groups, reaching out to old classmates, colleagues, and distant relatives.

    I updated people daily on the funds raised and how much more was needed. Slowly, donations trickled in, and hope built up. But despite our efforts, we couldn’t raise the full amount in time. She passed away in August, just a week before she was meant to travel. It’s a pain I still carry. Sometimes, I wonder if I could’ve done more, but I remind myself I gave my all.

    Sophia*

    My best friend was stuck in a toxic relationship for years. Her boyfriend constantly belittled her and controlled her finances. She wanted to leave but kept making excuses because they shared an apartment.

    In July, she’d had enough after a fight left her with a broken tooth. I borrowed a car, picked her up with all her belongings, and moved her into my spare room. Her boyfriend showed up at my place the next day, yelling for her to return. I’d already planned for this and called one “egbon adugbo” in the area. When the boyfriend refused to leave, the egbon and his guys gave him a proper beating.

    At some point, I got scared he might’ve died. He fainted, and when he woke up, my friend tried to follow him, but I stopped her. I spent the rest of the week looking over my shoulder, convinced something would happen. Thankfully, it didn’t. I hate getting so caught up in other people’s problems, but I can’t help it—it’s just who I am.

    Chidera*

    My best friend was getting married in September, and her custom-made wedding dress was delivered to my house in Lagos. The plan was to send it via a trusted courier to her in Anambra, but the courier messed up and sent it to the wrong address in Ogun State.

    We tried getting the company to fix the mistake, but they kept making excuses. I’d planned to travel to Anambra the Friday before the wedding but went to Ogun to retrieve the dress instead. By then, my friend was too paranoid to risk another courier service, so I made an unplanned trip to Anambra.

    My siblings had to send my asoebi and other things via courier. After the wedding, I fell sick from the stress and have been reminding my friend that she owes me a vacation for my troubles.

    Read this next: We’re Married, but Her Family Still Wants a Big Wedding

  • Friendships don’t always have to end with a dramatic fight or a big betrayal. Sometimes, you just outgrow each other, or they show you a different side to them that makes it easy to use your scissors. 

    If you think compatibility only applies to romantic relationships, these stories will leave you in various degrees of “God abeg” and “God forbid”.

    Joe*

    I met this guy during the fuel scarcity period that followed the subsidy removal. We’d always bump into each other at the filling station, and it didn’t take long for us to start talking. We’d trade football banter as we waited our turn and watch over each other’s kegs. He seemed like a cool dude, so I asked for his number during one of our meet-ups. We weren’t friends yet, but from our conversations, I knew it was only a matter of time.

    About three weeks later, he said he wanted to visit, and I didn’t think it was a bad idea. He showed up on the agreed day, but this person looked nothing like the guy from the filling station. Something about him was off, and he kept steering our conversation towards drugs and alcohol. Last last, he pulled out a bag of weed and offered it to me. Thankfully, I was the only one at home that day. I politely declined, and once he left, I knew he wasn’t my type of person. That was the last time we saw each other.

    Ibrahim*

    I think uni fools people into believing they’ve found lifelong friends. You feel close for those four years, but the real test comes when you leave the place that brought you together. That’s how I discovered my “friend” wasn’t really my kind of person. We both served in Ibadan, and since he had a big house, he offered to let me stay with him instead of renting a place. It felt like a good deal, plus I didn’t tell my parents so I could keep the rent money.

    Looking back, it was the stupidest decision ever. I started seeing a side of him that hadn’t surfaced all the years we’d schooled together. He and his parents were controlling, and sometimes, I genuinely wondered if I was under a spell. On top of that, their approach to everything, especially religion, was extremist. Living with him during NYSC showed me that we weren’t cut from the same cloth. Somehow, uni had shielded that part of him. We still talk, but he wouldn’t even make my top 15 friends.

    Sodiq*

    He got me addicted to visiting brothels. It started on my birthday when he said he had a surprise for me. I thought we were going to an eatery or something, but he took me to a brothel outside school. I’m not going to lie; I enjoyed that night and many others that followed, mostly because he footed the bill. We even started taking all sorts of substances to “boost” our performance. Then it got out of hand—I was missing classes and constantly high.

    After bagging two E grades and one STD, I knew I had to save myself. There was no beef; I just manufactured one because it was clear we were no longer on the same wavelength.

    [ad]

    Nugwa*

    It happened during a heated Twitter discourse. We weren’t exactly friends but had gone past being mere acquaintances. I can’t remember the exact issue, but it was something about how a woman was treated by her partner. His takes on marriage and domestic abuse left me in shock. We’d never had conversations like that, so seeing how he thought about women was eye-opening—and disturbing.

    Suddenly, I remembered all the times he’d casually said he was a beast when he was angry, and nobody could calm him down until he “drew blood.” I tried confronting him about it, but he lied, claiming he was only bantering. It was more than banter to me. I no longer felt comfortable calling him a friend, and the budding friendship died a natural death. God forbid.

    Desola*

    I met her during registration week in my first year of uni. She was super helpful and seemed to have all the answers. We hit it off immediately. A few days later, I ran into her again and mentioned I was looking for a flatmate. She was also squatting with a family friend and needed a place, so we moved in together. Some of my best memories from 100 level are from living with her.

    But things got weird in 200 level. She became more outgoing, constantly had boys over, and you could tell who was visiting based on the shoes outside her door. She’d take weekend trips to Lagos and return with wads of fresh cash. I’d ask what was going on, but she’d wave me off, saying I should keep doing my “big girl.” Rumours started circulating that she was stripping and doing “runs,” but I didn’t want to believe—or ask. What really bothered me was that people thought we were both involved. I couldn’t move out yet, but I started keeping my distance.

    Aisha*

    We resumed 400 level, and my roommate of three years—who used to be my bestie—suddenly transformed into a hijab-wearing sister. We were both practising Muslims, but neither of us was the typical scarf-wearing, mosque-going type. That was one of the things that bonded us. I’d even assumed she was Christian when we first met because she was cool and carefree.

    I tried not to act too shocked about her new look, but the real issue was how she started nitpicking and used every opportunity to preach to me. To this day, I don’t know what happened during that break, but it was clear my friend didn’t come back. We stayed cordial for the rest of our time in school, but the friendship had obviously sailed.

    Read this next: She Has Cancer and Wants to Find Me a New Wife

  • For many people, navigating opposite-sex friendships after marriage requires careful consideration and open communication. On the one hand, you don’t want to blur the lines and give your partner reasons to worry; on the other, you don’t want to be the friend who cuts off those you’ve known all your life because you found your Cinderella or Prince Charming.

    So, how do you find the balance? These married Nigerians share what works for them.

    Abraham*, 39

    I still have relationships with most of my female friends, but the dynamics changed after marriage. Many married before I did, so I mostly did the pulling back. I’m pretty playful around my friends. I hug, carry, pull, and peck at will. They know me as a touchy person, so they don’t complain. But imagine keeping that energy after they married—that’s asking for trouble. However, I noticed they got closer and more comfortable around me after I married. They’d invite me and my wife to events, weekend getaways, etc. I’ve even made friends with two of their husbands, and I’m cordial with the others.

    Ibukun*, 28

    My closest male and female friends from uni and secondary school have remained my friends even now as a married woman. I’m an only child, and I consider my friends the siblings I never had. One of my male friends matched my husband and me, so it was only natural that the friendship remained intact. I can’t say anything has changed since we got married. My male friends visit our house and play games with my husband, and we’ve gone on multiple getaways together. At this point, my husband has accepted them as my siblings too. And when my friends get married, their wives will have a sister-in-law in me.

    Veronica*, 31

    My husband never had any reservations about my male friends while we were dating. I was super close to two guys, and one of them even became pals with my husband. But after we married, I noticed my friends kept their distance. They wouldn’t text if I didn’t reach out and weren’t keen on visiting unless there was an occasion. At first, I thought I’d done something wrong or was worried my husband said something to them behind my back. However, during a conversation in our group chat, they said they were respecting my union and didn’t want to overreach. It was painful, but I also understood their point. We still consider ourselves friends, but there’s been a shift in how close we are.

    [ad]

    Bunmi*, 28

    I hate to admit it, but my husband is insecure when it comes to opposite-sex friendships. It’s something I noticed right from our relationship days in uni. He’d get moody if he saw me hanging out with guys or if he came to my hostel and saw male friends around. It was initially a huge red flag for me, but something happened in my final year that also made me paranoid about male friends. This guy, who I considered my closest friend, made strong sexual advances toward me. It unsettled me so much and ruined that friendship. I didn’t share the experience with my husband, but it made me see reason with him. We got married four years ago, and I honestly can’t say I’ve made any new male friends or made efforts to maintain the ones I had in the past.

    Ibrahim*, 35

    I’ve lost a couple of female friends to marriage, and it’s probably not their fault—it’s mostly mine. I always feel the need to pull back after a female friend marries. It’s my way of respecting their new status. I’ll gladly return the energy if they try to keep the relationship as it was. But with most, they maintain their lane after I pull back, which helps me know that I made the right choice to keep my distance. As a married man, I can’t say I go above and beyond to make new female friends. If it happens, I always make it clear that I’m married. That way, there’s no room for mixed signals. Also, they must befriend my wife.

    Soji*, 40

    I have an understanding with my wife: Her friends are my friends, and my friends are her friends. In most cases, this hasn’t always been 100%, but I can say at least 75% of our friends are mutual. This has helped with the whole opposite-sex friendship thing. It’s hard for me to mention a female friend my wife doesn’t know, and it’s the same with her. It also helps that some of these friends are married, and the single ones have serious partners.

    Read this next: My Best Friend and I Plan to Marry Each Other if We’re Still Single at 30

  • In the spirit of International Friendship Day, I spoke with people who’ve gone above and beyond to preserve their friendships.

    From a lady who did six months of omugwo for her friend to a guy who gave over 60% of his life savings to save his friend’s mum, these friendships will make you say, “God, when?”

    Chinma*

    My friend’s mum had a stroke and was admitted to the hospital. She was recovering, and the doctors mentioned she’d be discharged soon. Then, I got a frantic call from my friend saying his mum had relapsed and was moved to the ICU. She needed surgery costing about ₦1.5m, but they could only raise ₦500k after exhausting their savings. At the time, my entire life’s savings was ₦1.8m, which I planned to use to rent my place. But I couldn’t in good conscience proceed after that call. His mum had always treated me like her own and often came through for me. So, I loaned him ₦1m and postponed my move. The day after I sent the money, my friend called to tell me his mum had passed away. He returned the money, and although the loss was painful, it felt good to have been there for a friend in need.

    Gbenga*

    My friend couldn’t complete his school fees during our final year exams because his parents couldn’t raise the sum. Most lecturers allowed him to write his exams after much pleading, but one lecturer stayed adamant. If my friend had missed the paper, he’d have had an extra year. So, I took the risk of writing the paper for him. I collected two answer booklets and submitted them to two different invigilators. The crazy thing is, my friend didn’t even know. I only told him after I came out of the exam hall. We still laugh about it to this day. During banter, he says things like, “Guy, if not for you, I would have had an extra year.”

    Mariam*

    During my uni days, I followed my friend to Ghana on an all-expenses-paid trip to meet her man. She had met him online, and they’d been dating for months. When he invited her to Ghana, my friend was reluctant, but he said she could bring someone she trusted. That’s how she asked me to go along. It sounded great at first, but on the day we were set to leave Nigeria, I started to have doubts. What if the guy was dangerous? Why did he want her to bring someone? Why was he footing our bill? Despite the doubts, it was too late to turn back. Thankfully, the trip went well. We were in Ghana for three days, but I couldn’t wait to return home. You have to be special for me to grant a request like that.

    [ad]

    Gboyega*

    My guy was getting married in Ekiti a week after I bought my first car. About three days before the event, he asked if he could borrow my car since he had given his own to family members for the trip. My car was barely a week old, and I hadn’t even shown it to my parents. But I didn’t want to deny his request, considering he needed it for his special day. He came over, took the car, and I took public transport to Ekiti. I thought I’d drive back to Lagos with my car, but I didn’t get it back until a week later. It wasn’t convenient for me, but he’s my close friend, so I didn’t mind.

    Bimbo*

    I took a bank loan to help my friend with her japa plans. She and her husband were using the study route but faced visa delays. They thought they had more time to prepare and gather money for their flight, but then they got an email from the school stating that if they didn’t arrive in the UK the following day, her husband would lose the admission. We found someone to help with their tickets, but they didn’t have enough money. So, I took a ₦700k loan to cover the difference. We’d only known each other for six months, but she had proven to be a good friend. She repaid the loan over six months after settling abroad. Now, she randomly sends me money without me asking.

    Hadiza*

    My friend gave birth to twins, which she wasn’t prepared for. The scan showed only one baby, so she was caught off guard. Sadly, her two mothers-in-law had passed, and she only had male siblings. One day, she called me crying. When I visited, I saw that her husband had hired help, but she wasn’t comfortable with the woman. I joked about helping out, and she jumped at the offer. I moved in the next weekend and stayed until the twins turned six months old. It was exhausting, but I’d do it again for her.

    Read this next: An Old and Forgotten Friend Made My Japa Dreams Come True

  • Two years after he left Nigeria, Mujeeb* still marvels at the change of circumstances that made his relocation possible.

    He shares how an old friend was instrumental to his relocation journey and how he plans to pay the kindness forward to friends who are still trying to japa.

    An Old and Forgotten Friend Made My Japa Dreams Come True

    As told to Adeyinka

    It feels like a dream whenever I think about how I made it out of Nigeria. How do you explain someone you haven’t seen in over 20 years giving you money to support your japa plans and pulling strings in your favour?

    Tunde and I went to the same secondary school. He was my seat partner for most of my senior secondary school years, and I won’t say I liked him much. When we were in SS1, I thought we could be friends, but we had different interests. He loved football and always taunted me, calling me a “woman” because I didn’t like any sports.

    He was also part of a clique that considered themselves the school’s “big boys”. Whenever he was with them, I couldn’t relate to him. So I decided there was no need to pursue a serious friendship.

    We graduated from secondary school in 2009, and he moved to the US. He constantly shared pictures on Facebook. I went through his timeline, but I never sent a friend request. I assumed he wouldn’t accept or be condescending towards me because I was still in Nigeria.

    I didn’t want anyone to make me feel that way, so I observed from a distance. As the years went by, he didn’t post about his life as much, and I also wasn’t as interested in keeping up with him. I had my life to live in Nigeria.

    In 2017, I got a WhatsApp notification that I’d been added to an alumni group. Honestly, I wanted to leave the group immediately because the previous alumni groups ended in disaster. Some people were still as shallow as they were in school; some just wanted to brag and others were there to observe.

    However, there was an interesting conversation in the group that morning about one of our teachers, and everyone had funny memories to share. I had my share of experiences, so I stayed back and joined the conversation. It was hard to say who was who because most of us didn’t have our numbers saved, but you could tell some of the numbers were international.

    Then, out of the blue, one of the international numbers asked, “Is Segun Oni in this group?” I checked the display picture to see who it was, but the person’s profile picture was an artwork. So I responded with, “Who’s asking?”

    The response was, “Your seat partner.”

    Then he sent me a personal message. Even though it had been years, my memories of Tunde from school came rushing back, and I was somewhat guarded in our conversation. It also didn’t help that he asked questions like, “So what do you do now?” “Are you married?” “Where do you work?”

    The questions felt intrusive, and a part of me assumed he was trying to size me up. I answered as honestly as I could without sharing more than necessary. He went on about life abroad and shared more than I asked. I was thankful when he said he had to go to work.

    After that interaction, I kept my distance because my memories of him were still tied to how he treated me in school. We bantered occasionally in the group, and sometimes, he diverted the conversation to our personal chat.

     [ad]

    The truth is I didn’t understand where the sudden overfamiliarity came from. Did he forget how annoying he was in school? Did he think we were buddies? I couldn’t tell, and I was getting tired of playing along.

    Meanwhile, I actively pursued my japa dreams. Two of my friends from uni had relocated to the UK through the education route, and another had gone through the job route. Other friends were in various stages of planning their relocation, and it was only a matter of time before I caught the japa fever.

    The problem was I didn’t have the money to cure the fever. My mum had retired and couldn’t sponsor a master’s abroad on her monthly pension. My job at the time paid ₦120k, and I had a strict ₦80k monthly savings goal. Friends said they spent around ₦3 – 5m. Twitter japa influencers constantly put out scary figures, and I only had ₦1.6m saved.

    But it didn’t stop me from applying to schools.  I was always posting Twitter japa content on my WhatsApp status and lamenting the financial implications. When I wasn’t posting about japa, I lamented Buhari’s government and how the rest of us in Nigeria were in trouble.

    One day, Tunde responded and seemed genuinely concerned. He asked how bad the situation was. I went into a full-on epistle about it. His genuine interest soon turned to monosyllabic responses, and I thought I’d messed up. The thing with people abroad is when you talk about problems too much, they assume you want to ask for money. And the smart ones know how to cut you off before you get to that point.

    I cringed at the thought of Tunde putting me in that box, so I blocked him from viewing my status. With him blocked, there was hardly any opportunity for random conversations.

    Fast forward to 2021, we had one of those random moments on the alumni WhatsApp group, and Tunde was in my DMs again. We texted, and he asked how my relocation plans were going. I gave a “We thank God” type response because I didn’t see how it was his concern. I’d secured a UK admission at the time and was actively looking to pay the £4,000 deposit. I think it was around ₦2.2m.

    Even though I didn’t give him any important details, something about him asking about my plans seemed genuine, so I unblocked him on WhatsApp. Besides, I’d stopped talking about japa because I wanted to move in silence.

    One day, Tunde called on WhatsApp. He must’ve been bored, but the call came when I could also use some banter. We reminisced about school, and he had a lot to say about the times I came through for him during exams. Until that call, I didn’t remember that part of our history. Tunde wasn’t the brightest student in class, but it hardly reflected in his grades because I didn’t have issues helping him out.

    The conversation eventually turned to relocation again. I needed help at that point even though he was the last person I wanted to unload my financial burdens on. But since he was asking and had asked before, I gave him a rundown of everything. How I’d used up all my savings to pay the deposit, how I needed Proof of Funds and  didn’t know how to sort the rest of the tuition, accommodation or flight tickets. It was a lot to dump on someone abroad who’s probably avoiding billing, but I spared no details since he was bent on knowing.

    What happened in the weeks that followed still blows my mind. Like how Portable says, “Who go help you no go stress you.”

    Tunde spoke with his dad on my behalf, and the man funded my account with the ₦10m POF I needed without any charge. That was a huge relief because individuals were asking for ridiculous sums. But that wasn’t what blew my mind. After that call, Tunde asked for my bank account and continued to ask for updates. I’d share the latest with him, and he’d offer to help seek second opinions from his network.

    Then one weekend, two months before I travelled, I received a ₦3.5m credit alert on my phone. I’d been expecting something from Tunde since he asked for my account, but the amount drove me mad with excitement. Almost immediately, I got a message from Tunde on WhatsApp. It was a transaction receipt and an apology for not doing more. In my head, I was like, “What do you mean not doing more?” ₦3.5m in Buhari’s economy? That’s still the highest sum I’ve gotten from anyone, and I don’t know if anyone can top it.

    After the huge donation, he helped with other things until I arrived abroad. Honestly, I doubt my relocation would’ve worked out that year if he hadn’t come through at the exact time he did. I would’ve most likely deferred to another year.

    Weirdly, I can’t say our friendship has moved from point A to B. I tried to invest more time and energy in the friendship after he came through for me, but he’s not been forthcoming. We text haphazardly and have occasional lengthy calls. Whatever the case, I’m indebted to him.

    A lot of my friends are still in Nigeria, and I know relocation has become more capital-intensive. Hopefully, I can pay the kindness forward in the future.

    Read this next: I’m the Odd One in My Friend Group, and It’s Lonely

  • Reconnecting with an old friend can be tricky. On the one hand, you’re excited to pick things up from where you left off; on the other hand, you want to curb your enthusiasm in case they’re no longer the person you used to know.

    From the good, awkward, and totally nostalgic, these Nigerians share what it felt like reuniting with old buddies from the past. Here’s what they had to say.

    Image by freepik

    Hassan*, 36

    I lost contact with my secondary school best friend after we graduated. I didn’t have a phone, and she didn’t have one either. We only shared our Facebook usernames with each other, and that was it. After school, I didn’t have access to the internet because I didn’t have a phone and hardly had enough to spend at the café. By the time I got to uni, I’d forgotten all about her because I made new friends. One day, I got a friend request from someone on Facebook, which was hers. After I accepted the request, I sent a barrage of messages in hopes she’d be as happy to reconnect as I was. This babe didn’t respond until two days later, and even when she did, it was monosyllabic responses. It was weird because I wondered why she sent a friend request if she wasn’t interested in catching up. Something about her tepid response made me move on. She’s still on my Facebook, but we barely text.

    Bukunmi*, 28

    I once had a “na me fuck up” moment that has made me careful in how I reconnect with old school friends. I approached this friend from secondary school, and she denied me, as Judas did Jesus. She moderated a panel at a conference I attended, and while she was speaking, I realised she was my friend from school. We weren’t best friends, but we were quite close. I approached her to introduce myself, and she feigned complete ignorance. I couldn’t believe my eyes. I’d heard people do things like that, but it was the first time I experienced it. After that encounter, I stopped making the first move whenever I saw former schoolmates.

    Jeremiah*, 28

    I didn’t have a bestie in primary school, but I had three friends: Kunle, Segun, and Kenneth. Our parents wanted us to attend the same government boarding school, but I was the only one who got in. The other three got into different schools; that was the last I heard of them. However, I met Kenneth again during my second year at university. At the cafeteria that day, someone yelled my name and surname. I didn’t recognise the person when I turned to see who it was. He had a big build and full beard. When he got closer, I realised it was someone I knew, and when he gave his full name, it jogged my memory. We spent the rest of that day catching up, and I learnt he was two years ahead of me in school. After that day, we met a couple more times and became friends, just like the primary school days.

    Soon, I realised Kenneth avoided me whenever he was with his level mates and was always condescending. Apparently, it didn’t look good on him that he was moving with a junior student. It didn’t take me long to shut down the budding friendship.

    Qudus*, 31

    We moved houses a lot when I was young because of my dad’s job, so I had to change schools several times. It’s hard to remember, but I must have attended about four to six primary schools growing up. This constant moving meant I couldn’t stay long enough to make friends in the schools. Now that I think about it, I can barely remember anyone from my primary school days. My mum once showed me pictures from the graduation party in primary six, and I had no idea who the people in the pictures were. Even if anyone reaches out to me from that time, I don’t think I’ll be receptive, except if we build the friendship from scratch. Most of my current friends are from university and just a handful from secondary school.

    [ad]

    Tobi,* 34

    I had a best friend in primary school called Adamu. We were classmates and seat partners. He was much taller than I was and always defended me from bullies. We also used to play in school together after closing hours, especially on days when either of our parents showed up late. At some point, our parents also became friends. Then, one day, Adamu didn’t show up at school. A day soon turned into weeks and months. Nobody knew why, not even the school management. It was like he vanished off the face of the earth. Later, I heard his family relocated to Abuja. I remember feeling so lonely. In 2009, when I opened my first Facebook account, he was one of the first people I searched for. Several profiles came up, but they were mostly older people with the same name.

    Then, in 2016, my long-lost bestie popped up on Instagram. I couldn’t believe my eyes. He obviously had a different username; there was no way I’d have thought to search for that name. I checked his pictures, and there he was, my long-lost friend. I didn’t hesitate to follow up and send a DM introducing myself. I didn’t have to say too much because he also recognised me. We spent the next hour trying to catch up and even exchanged WhatsApp numbers. But in the days that followed, something about our conversation felt plastic. He tried to be courteous, but I could tell he wasn’t as enthusiastic as I was. In the eight years that we reconnected, I don’t think we’ve texted up to 10 times. We just view each other’s status on WhatsApp, and that’s about it.

    Taiye*, 40

    I can remember some of my friends from primary school, but I can’t say I’ve gotten in touch with any since I left. We didn’t have social media or mobile phones, so it was difficult. I think it’s also a thing where I forgot most of the connections in primary school after making new friends in secondary school. Even when social media became a thing, I was never curious to look up anyone. Although I found a Facebook page for my primary school, it’s mostly the older sets there.

    Blessing*, 30

    I’ve had too many embarrassing experiences to expect anything good from primary or secondary school friends. Most of us were still in our formative years, and I don’t think the friendship we thought we had was built on anything solid. It’s why someone you consider your school bestie would see you and act like you’re a stranger, try to be standoffish when you try to reminisce about shared experiences or use your social standing to judge how they’ll interact with you.

    Read this next: All the Ways Friendship Breakups Are Worse Than Romantic Ones