Quizzes

Stacks

Shows

Podcasts

Newsletters

Naira Life

Love Life

Hustleprint

Love Currency

Sunken Ships

What She Said

My Bro

So You Don’t Have To

Interview With…

Zikoko Memes

Jollof Road

Cholera Outbreak Update

Follow our socials

  • Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    Debby* (27) and Aisha* (26) hit it off at a 2018 house party, but things changed when Aisha started seeing Debby’s friend, Femi*.

    In this Sunken Ships, Debby opens up about the secret situationship that came between them and the friendship she still misses.

    What were the signs that your friendship with Aisha was going downhill?

    I accepted our friendship was over in 2021 when she stopped responding to my calls or texts. I was worried about her until I reached out to our mutual friends, only to find out she was intentionally avoiding me. It would’ve hurt more but I thought her reason was silly.

    Okay, first, how did you guys meet?

    We met at a house party in 2018 through a mutual friend. I discovered that we both shared a love for the same movies and anime, and our friendship blossomed from there.

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    What were the early days of your friendship like?

    They were great. We spent a lot of time at the beginning just getting to know each other. I told her all about my family, my hobbies and my personal life, and she did the same. We helped each other with advice when we had issues as well, so we became very close quickly.

    Where would you say the cracks in your relationship started showing?

    It was late 2020. Aisha had shared that she wanted a boyfriend earlier in the year, but she didn’t know where to meet people, so I offered to introduce her to some of my single friends. That was the main reason everything unravelled.

    Tell me about that.

    In August, one of my friends threw a house party, and I invited Aisha because I knew a lot of my friends would be there, and I hoped she would find a spark with one or two of them. At the party, I made sure to introduce her to two of my male friends, who I knew would make great partners.

    Did she hit it off with either of them?

    No, and that was the problem. Instead, she spent the whole night flirting and talking to my other friend, Femi*. I didn’t like it at all.

    Why not?

    Femi was a good friend; he’s fun and kind. But romantically? He had the worst romantic record out of all our friends. All his past exes had him blocked for either cheating or being completely emotionally absent in their relationship. I didn’t want that for Aisha.

    Ah, I see. Did you talk to her about it?

    Yes. As soon as we left the party, I told her all about Femi and how he wouldn’t be the best match for her, but I don’t think she believed me. Femi is very good-looking and charming, so perhaps she thought I was trying to block her from enjoying a good thing.

    So what happened after?

    They started seeing each other secretly. I didn’t know about it at the time, so I was still trying to introduce her to other people. This went on until January 2021, when things between Femi and Aisha scattered.

    How did you find out about them?

    Femi texted me to say that Aisha was pressuring him to be in a relationship with her and wanted my advice on how to tell her he wasn’t interested.

    Ah.

    I was surprised too. I asked him how they got to that point, and he confessed that they started a situationship after they met at the house party, but he thought they were going to remain casual.

    How did that make you feel?

    It really hurt that Aisha would keep her relationship with Femi a secret from me. I thought we were closer than that. I told Femi that I couldn’t weigh in and he had to speak to Aisha about it himself.

    Did you tell her when you found out?

    No. I felt that if she didn’t tell me about it, then she didn’t want me involved at all.

    Okay, what happened next?

    Femi hard launched a girlfriend during Valentine’s in 2021. It surprised all of us, most of all Aisha. I think she thought I knew something about it because she stopped responding to my messages after that weekend. I had to reach out to our mutual friends to find out how she was doing.

    Did she reach out to you after you spoke to your mutual friends?

    Yes, and she accused me of not doing enough to discourage her from seeing Femi as a potential boyfriend. I got upset and told her off. Not only had I warned her about this boy, but I only found out about her and Femi in January when he told me. It ended up being a big argument, and we stopped being close after that.

    Have you guys spoken since then?

    Not really. We occasionally run into each other because we have mutual friends, but we’re just cordial now. It stings for me because I can’t believe we lost our friendship because of a guy.

    [ad][/ad]

    What about Femi? Are you guys still friends?

    No, I cut him off. His emotional irresponsibility cost me a good friend, and I just didn’t feel safe introducing anyone else to him. I don’t have that many friends, so losing them actually disrupts my life.

    If Aisha wanted to get close to you again, is that something you’d be open to?

    I’m not sure. I miss our friendship, but trying to blame me for her own choices was a bright red flag for me. Also, giving up on our friendship because a relationship with a guy that went sour is a flimsy reason. I want friends who I know will stick with me even in dire situations. I’m not sure that’s who Aisha is.

    See what other people are saying about this article on social media.

    Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!

  • Morayo*(28) and Motun* (28) became friends as first-year students in university and built a bond that survived into adulthood.

    But their friendship started to disintegrate after Morayo introduced Motun to her childhood friend, Tomi*, and they both joined Tomi’s online prayer group. Almost immediately, the dynamics shifted and subtle religious manipulation slowly pushed the women apart, leaving their nearly decade-long friendship hanging by a thread.

    This is Morayo’s story as told to Betty:

    I love my religion, and I love God, but if you’d told me that it would destroy a  friendship I’d had for almost ten years, I wouldn’t have believed you.

    Motun and I met in 2014 in 100L. We didn’t become close immediately, but over time, we got closer and formed a friend group with another coursemate. Even in that trio, Motun and I were tighter and shared everything with each other. By our final year, we’d grown so close that our families knew about our friendship. After school, when we served in Ibadan, I visited her every weekend.

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    Before Motun, there was another childhood friend, Tomi*, in the picture and because I like people around me to get along, I introduced Motun and Tomi in 2017. It felt like an easy, natural blending of my school life and home life.

    Not too long after, Tomi said she felt led to start a prayer group and asked if I was interested. I admired her fervour and joined the group. Each week, we gathered online to pray together and share the word of God; I really enjoyed the sense of community.

    Then one day in 2020, during a call, Motun mentioned she was struggling spiritually and wanted to take her prayers more seriously. Tomi’s prayer group immediately came to mind, and I suggested she join. At first, everything went well. She joined our weekly prayer sessions, studied the Bible with us, and soon started to feel better about her spiritual life. 

    Things took an unexpected turn around the Valentine’s Day celebration in 2021. Tomi had grown in her spiritual life and tagged herself a prophetess. She’d share personal visions with members in the prayer group during weekly prayer sessions.

    One day in June 2021, she prophesied that Motun’s “God ordained” husband was in the prayer group and that if she didn’t marry him, she would face personal setbacks. The problem? Motun already had a boyfriend. In the days and weeks that followed, the prophecy left her uneasy. I tried to persuade her, adding that she should let time test whatever she heard, but she wouldn’t budge. Instead, she tried to pull away from our friendship.  She threw herself into the prayer group, trying to make sense of the prophecy. I’d never seen her so scared.

    As weeks passed, Tomi kept pressuring her about meeting this “ordained husband”. She even started pestering me. She once called, asking why Motun wasn’t taking the prophecy seriously and insinuating that she was dating her boyfriend because he had money. It felt inappropriate. I defended Motun and said she was taking her time.

    I became sceptical because the so-called ‘God ordained husband’ was close friends with Tomi. I suspected she was misusing her influence to matchmake them.

    By December 2021, I was shocked to find out Motun had ended things with her boyfriend and started dating the guy Tomi pointed out. I thought it was weird, but I kept quiet so I wouldn’t seem like someone against “God’s plan” for her life.

    Meanwhile, Tomi’s prophecies got wilder. In one session, she claimed I had to start attending my childhood church again or I wouldn’t find a husband. I ignored it. But when she later said God was angry with me for not doing it, that was my last straw. I left the group and cut Tomi off. I tried to keep things cordial with Motun because I still saw her as my best friend.

    But after I left, my friendship with Motun became strained.  Our conversations became short, dry, and she seemed distant. When I tried to visit her, she’d say she wasn’t around. Even my family noticed. She missed my family functions, and when my mum called her to ask why, she gave flimsy excuses.

    My family kept encouraging me to reach out, but no matter what I tried, she only responded coldly. It felt like she had already detached.

    Things collapsed completely in June 2022. On my birthday, she sent a very formal message and ended it by asking whether I would heed Tomi’s prophecy about returning to my childhood church so I could find a husband.

    I ignored that part and teased her about sounding so serious.  Instead of laughing, she got offended and accused me of saying she didn’t know how to communicate properly. I tried to explain it was a joke, but she remained angry and stopped talking to me entirely. I felt hurt and confused.

    While I dealt with that, Tomi grew more vindictive. She still attended our childhood church and started spreading rumours about my mum and me. She said I lied about the prayer group and that my mum was spreading those lies. I warned her to stop mentioning my mum, but by then it was too late. Church members stopped greeting me during holiday services. I felt ostracised. I deleted their numbers, blocked them on social media and walked away. I regretted ever letting Tomi into my friendship with Motun.

    ***

    Almost two years passed, and in May 2024, out of nowhere, Motun texted me, “Hi”. I was shocked and felt tempted to ignore it, but I’d missed our friendship. I responded, and she apologised, saying how she wanted us to reconcile. It didn’t feel like before, but I was willing to give our friendship another chance.

    I asked why she cut me off so harshly two years ago. That was when she revealed Tomi had been feeding her gossip and insinuating it came from me. Tomi told her I said she liked dating Yahoo boys, which was false. I told her the truth, and we resolved it. She asked if I would attend her wedding in December if she invited me. I said yes.

    [ad][/ad]

    I was heavily involved in the planning and preparations for her wedding. Our friendship felt like old times again. It was as if all the time we’d spent apart was just a blip in the timeline of our sisterhood. Funny enough, I saw Tomi at the wedding and pretended I’d never met her. I was determined not to enter her drama again.

    After the wedding, my friendship with Motun deepened again. When my sister had a baby in January 2024, I posted the news, and Motun reached out. She said she felt torn about trying for a baby because her older sister had been trying with no luck.

     I know how society treats women searching for the fruit of the womb. As support, I introduced her to the Hallelujah Challenge, and we included her sister in our prayer points.

    I thought this religious connection strengthened our bond, but a few weeks later, her energy changed again for no reason. This time, I refused to beat myself up about it. I was going through a challenging phase with my health and my job, and I refused to hold space for someone who wouldn’t speak up.

    My cousin later told me she suspected Motun was pregnant after seeing her WhatsApp status.  Motun never told me, even after confiding in me earlier. That silence hurt more than I expected. It made me realise our reconciliation was only surface-level. She had moved on, and maybe I needed to accept that. 

    I didn’t reach out to congratulate her. Not because I was angry, but because I didn’t want her to force anything. There was a time when we told each other everything. Trying to recreate that now feels fake.

    Looking back, I blame Tomi for most of what happened. I believe she was jealous of the bond Motun and I shared, which was why she sowed so much discord between us.

    Today, I’m cordial with Motun but distant. I busy myself with my life and my faith. I don’t force friendships, and I’ve accepted that not every reconciliation leads to a happy ending. I still miss what Motun and I used to share, but I’ve accepted that our friendship will never be like how it used to be before.

    See what other people are saying about this article on social media.

    READ NEXT: Sunken Ships: I Didn’t Want To Do Fraud

  • Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    When Damola* (26) tried to get some help from his friends when he was in a tight spot, their mocking response made him reconsider whether the friendship was worth continuing at all.

    In this Sunken Ships, he shares how he joined his friend group and how he came to the painful decision to end their friendship.

    What moment made you realise that your friendship had gone downhill?

    I tried to borrow some money from my friends because I was in a tough spot, but instead of helping me out, they mocked me, and that spelt the end of our friendship. It hurt me a lot.

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    Take me back to the beginning. How did you become friends with them?

    I met them in my first year at the Polytechnic, Ibadan* in 2015. Tife*, John*, Tobi* and I bonded over our shared love for football and became very close after a few months. It helped that we were in the same hostel. It meant we spent a great deal of time together.

    How would you describe the dynamics of your friendship?

    We were very close. We went to school together every day, relied on each other, shared our resources when we had them, and even our families knew how close we had become. I really thought that we would stick together through school, and beyond but that wasn’t the case.

    What changed?

    A rift began to grow between me and the others in the group when they became involved in internet fraud.

    How did that happen?

    In January 2016, after the Christmas break, Tobi came to school flaunting a new iPhone. We were all surprised and thought he had received it as a Christmas gift, but he said he had bought it himself.

    Did you ask how he got the money?

    Yes, but he only gave vague answers about how a ‘friend’ abroad had sent it to him. After class that day, we tried to press him for more information about the phone.

    How did he respond?

    He told us about how he had learned to get money from guys online by pretending to be a girl on Snapchat. Then he raved about how lucrative it was and even offered to teach the rest of us how to do the same. The other boys were interested and took him up on his offer, but I didn’t.

    Why did you refuse?

    My conscience wouldn’t let me. I wasn’t raised to steal. I knew that I couldn’t be proud of myself doing something like that. Also, I was afraid of getting in trouble with the police.

    Okay, what happened after that?

    The boy started making a lot of money very quickly. They spent it on girls, clothes, shoes, and gadgets. Their popularity at school soared overnight.

    Did any of your parents or people in authority ask where all this extra money was coming from?

    We were away from home, so our parents didn’t notice the boys’ sudden lifestyle changes. Only John’s mum asked once when he paid for his younger brother’s school fees, but he told her he was doing ‘small online jobs’.

    Wow. Okay, what happened next?

    They started pressuring me to join them in the different scams they were doing. I refused each time, but I thought we could still maintain our friendship, and I would just ignore what they did. But what happened soon after made me realise that it wouldn’t be possible.

    Tell me about that.

    I needed some money to fix my laptop screen. I thought I could borrow the money from my friends, but the way they responded cut me deep.

    What did they say?

    They taunted me, saying, ‘Sebi, you said you don’t want to do what we’re doing,’ and laughed at me. I wouldn’t have minded if they had just said no, but I couldn’t stand their mockery. I eventually got the money I needed from my uncle and withdrew from the group after that.

    Did they ever try to reach out to you when you drew back?

    Only a few times. It was usually an invitation to a party or an outing, but I always found an excuse to be absent. I didn’t want to be in their company anymore. Eventually, they stopped reaching out, and I think my life was better off for it.

    [ad][/ad]

    Did it hurt to leave the friendship so suddenly?

    Yes. For a few weeks after I decided to pull back from them, I was a loner. I didn’t make another proper friend till my second year in school.

    That’s wild. Do you know how they’re doing now?

    I’m not sure. All three of them dropped out in the middle of our second year. I heard that they moved to Lagos, but I focused on my schooling instead.

    Do you think you’d consider being friends again if they stopped doing fraudulent work?

    No. I think we’re better off apart. Even when they had extra resources, they mocked me instead of helping me out. Also, the fraud is hard to ignore. Those are not the kind of people I want in my life.

    See what other people are saying about this article on social media.

    Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!

  • Sometimes, life puts you in messy situations where you’re not sure if you’re doing the right thing or not. That’s what Na Me F— Up? is about — real Nigerians sharing the choices they’ve made, while you decide if they fucked up or not.

    Bose* (55) and Tayo*(34) became close friends after bonding over their shared experiences as stay-at-home mothers. However, Bose’s well-intentioned assistance to Tayo’s husband started a chain of events that has now left her questioning her choices.

    When you’re done reading, you’ll get to decide: Did Bose fuck up or not?

    Tayo and I met when I moved into my apartment with my family in 2018. She lived in the flat directly opposite mine, and as stay-at-home mums, we began to spend time together after our kids had gone off to school. 

    I was initially reluctant to throw myself into our friendship due to our significant age gap, but it didn’t prove to be an issue, and I took on a “big sister” role in Tayo’s life.

    Because of our closeness, our families also became close, and so when she complained that her husband couldn’t get a better-paying job, I asked my husband to help him find better opportunities. My husband connected hers with a new job that came with a generous salary in Abuja. Unfortunately, this became a source of strain in Tayo’s marriage.

    She felt that the new distance created by her husband’s job, along with his bigger salary, would give him the space and resources to begin cheating on her. I knew Tayo’s husband and felt that he was a good man who wouldn’t betray her, so I told her to stop thinking negatively about it and instead consider the positives that came with his job. She didn’t see things my way.

    On a trip to visit her husband in late 2019, she went to his office and accused one of his coworkers of trying to wreck her home. Her evidence? Her husband uploaded a group photo taken at the office to his Facebook page, and she had noticed the lady was standing “too close to him to be his friend”. Tayo’s husband felt embarrassed, and he also got into trouble at work, receiving a stern warning.

    When I heard about this from her husband, I was disappointed in Tayo and tried to speak to her about it, but she insisted that if she didn’t do something too drastic, her husband was bound to try to cheat on her when he was away.

    The lockdown rolled around in 2020, and our husbands couldn’t visit from Abuja as often as they used to, so we kept each other company for the most part. In September that year, I noticed that Tayo was spending more and more time with a man who owned a car dealership near the neighbourhood. 

    As a friend, I advised that it wasn’t a good look for a married woman to be spending so much time with an older bachelor, especially since it was within the neighbourhood. I was sure that tongues would soon start wagging and spreading rumours. She dismissed my concerns and didn’t take my advice seriously.

    As I predicted, rumours that Tayo and the car dealer were dating started spreading and eventually got back to her husband. When he came home for the Christmas break, they had a huge argument about it that ended with Tayo’s husband storming out of the flat and going back to Abuja. 

    I tried to de-escalate things, but Tayo confirmed to me that she was indeed dating the car dealer, and he had promised to marry her and accept her kids, too. She said they planned to relocate to Germany in January 2021, and she would file for divorce. There was nothing I didn’t say to try to convince her to change her mind, but she claimed to have lost trust in her husband and was ready to leave.

    January came, and one day, I woke up to Tayoknocking angrily at my door, accusing me of destroying her marriage. I was shocked. 

    When I asked why she’d accuse me of that,  she said the car dealer had broken up with her and had gone on with his relocation plans with another woman. She blamed my husband and me for introducing her husband to a job that led to their marriage becoming a long-distance one, which she claimed was the main source of their problems. 

    I won’t deny that I felt bad for her. I even followed her and some of her family members to visit her in-laws, to try to see if we could get her husband to forgive her and reconcile, but he refused and insisted that they go through with the divorce.

    We still live opposite each other, but our friendship has fizzled out. She no longer responds when I greet her in the mornings, and she keeps her children away from mine.

    I thought I was helping a friend out by securing a better job for her husband. Was I wrong for not considering that she would hate the distance that came with it? My husband says it was her jealousy that was her undoing, but I can’t shake the feeling that my interference also played a role.

    See what other people are saying about this article on social media.

    READ NEXT: Nigerians Open Up On The Friendships That Saved Their Lives

  • Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    Yemi*(27) and Chika*(26) met online and quickly became close friends. Despite not having met in person, they shared a deep bond.

    In this Sunken Ships, Yemi shares how their friendship of over two years fell apart due to sudden distrust, disrespect and a final lie on her birthday that made her realise their friendship was never as mutual as she thought.

    What was the moment that made you realise this friendship was sinking?

    She lied to me about sending over a birthday gift to impress a guy she was seeing. When I didn’t hear from her after that, I knew our friendship was done.

    Tell me how you guys met.

    We became close on social media. She followed me on Instagram in 2023, and she would respond to my story posts, message me about personal stuff she was going through, and I’d do the same. I was always there for her when she needed me because I saw her as a true friend.

    Did you guys ever meet up to hang out?

    Not in the beginning. We lived in different cities. I’m based in Lagos, while she lived in Rivers State with her family. When she told me she was considering moving to Lagos for her service year in 2025, I was delighted. I wanted more friends who lived close by because several of my friendships are long-distance. But our first fight before we met dampened my excitement for her to move to my city.

    What was that fight about?

    It was money-related. I lent her some money, and she ghosted me even though she knew I was unemployed at the time. That was around the time she disrespected my mum as well.

    Whoa. That’s a lot, tell me what happened?

    In March 2025, she asked to borrow some money. I didn’t have much to spare because I had just quit a stressful job and I wasn’t making an income anymore, but I felt obligated to help her because she was my friend and I’d do anything to help the people I care about. When she initially borrowed the money, she swore that she would pay me the next day. But the next day turned into a week, then a month. Two months passed, and I didn’t see my money.

    Ah. Was that the first time she burrowed money from you?

    No, for the duration of our friendship, I’d help her out with some money if she were ever in a bind and tell her to pay me back when she could. I had done that a few times, so I didn’t have any issues helping her out with a loan every now and then.

    Ah. Did you ask when she’d be able to pay you back?

    Yes, I did. After the second month had passed, I called her and asked about when she would be able to pay back, but her response was cold and vague.

    How did that make you feel?

    I thought I had just caught her at a bad time and decided I’d reach out again later.

    Okay, when was the next time you reached out?

    About two weeks later, I had run out of money because I hadn’t found another job quickly enough. I had a small business on the side, but that wasn’t going well either, and I was desperate for some income. I sent Chika a message, begging her to repay the money, as it would have helped resolve several issues I was facing at the time.

    What was her response?

    She was just as cold as before, making me feel guilty for asking for my money because she was going through a hard time as well, prepping for the three-week NYSC orientation camp. It was around this time that she stopped taking my calls completely.

    Did this make you scared that she would never pay you back?

    No, I knew she wasn’t going to run away with my money, but the delay was frustrating. In June, I needed to contribute some money to help with a household repair. I remembered Chika and gave her a call to remind her about the money. I was in my mum’s room with my sister and took the call on speaker. She was very flippant about it and ended the call quickly without stating when I should expect the money. I was cool about it as usual, but her attitude annoyed my mum and my sister.

    Did they directly get involved?

    Yes, they did, even though I expressly asked them not to.

    Why didn’t you want them to interfere?

    I thought that it made me look a bit childish that my mum would have to get involved in a disagreement I was having with a friend, so I told them to let it go and that I had it under control.

    So how did they get involved?

    Well, first my mum got curious about my friendship with Chika and started asking questions about where we met, how long we had been friends and if I had gotten my money back. This scrutiny made me call Chika again a few days later, but she didn’t pick up.

    How did this make you feel?

    I was beyond frustrated. I sent her a long message about her holding on to the money she loaned was upsetting me because she knew I was having a difficult time after quitting my old job. It wasn’t as if she didn’t have the money because I saw her posting things she bought in camp on her Instagram stories, she just didn’t want to pay me back. I told her I was going to ask again and deleted her number.

    What happened after that?

    My mum asked if I had gotten my money back, and I told her to forget about it and that I would get the money from another source. My mum and sister didn’t want to let it go, though, so my sister went into my phone behind my back and took Chika’s number.

    I see, what did they do with it?

    My mum sent her some voice messages introducing herself and spoke to Chika as if she were a daughter. She told her how I was struggling and how it was unfair that she stopped taking my calls just because of a loan between friends. She urged her to reach out to me, and that was that.

    Did she call you like your mum suggested?

    Yes, but it only escalated our issues.

    How do you mean?

    She called me and angrily accused me of reporting her to my mum. It was the first time I had heard of the voice messages, so I was confused. She said that if it were the mother of a random goat that sent her those messages, she would have blocked the person, but because of our history, she only deleted my mother’s messages without listening to them. She warned me not to do it again.

    How did that make you feel?

    I was initially embarrassed because I had warned my mum and sister not to get involved. But the way Chika spoke about my mum and the fact that she didn’t even honour her with a response made me see red. She didn’t even apologise or take accountability; she was just yelling on the phone.

    So what did you do?

    I told her off sternly and asked her to pay me back my money and never to disrespect my mum or my family ever again.

    What did she do?

    She sent me back my money the next day and stopped responding to me everywhere.

    Wow, that’s cold. Did you reach out to her again?

    Yes, I did. I felt bad that we had such a nasty argument and wanted to see if we could reconcile. I gave her a call a few weeks later and asked if she had sorted her posting and accommodation in Lagos. Her reaction irritated me even more.

    What did she do?

    She didn’t respond to my message and instead put a screenshot of it on her WhatsApp status with the caption, “This one doesn’t know the kind of friend she has. Does she think I’ll come down from my high horse to apologise?”

    Omo! Did you respond to that?

    Yes, o. I immediately messaged her and scolded her for it. I thought it was wild that she would set me up for her friends to insult me without putting up the backstory of what led to our disagreement in the first place.

    How did she respond?

    She sent me a long message on Instagram apologising and asking for us to be friends again. I decided to give her one more chance, and we reconciled. Our friendship wasn’t as close as before because I found it hard to trust her, but I was willing to try again.

    Did you wax stronger after that?

    No, actually, several more small incidents increased the distance between us, but the last straw for me came on my birthday.

    What happened?

    She called me while she was visiting a guy she was seeing. She wished me a happy birthday and asked me to send her my address so she could send a gift over. I thought that was a pleasant surprise and shared my details. 

    It turned out that there was never any gift. She never followed up or shared the rider’s details. I figured out that, given her history, it was most likely that she only mentioned the gift to impress the guy she was with.

    What did you do when you came to that conclusion?

    I decided to let the friendship go. I soft-blocked her on all our social media and deleted her number. She’s toxic and an insincere person, and I can’t deal with that right now.

    Do you think you’d consider reconciling with Chika if she were to reach out?

    No, my peace of mind is very important to me, and I can’t do the mental gymnastics of constantly second-guessing if my friend is being honest with me or not.

    See what other people are saying about this article on social media.

    Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!

  • Nothing prepares you for how bad a friendship breakup can hurt. For some, the pain can cut deeper than any romantic breakup could have done. One day, you’re inseparable, like siblings and the next, you’re strangers. Sometimes, the people we trust the most are the ones who end up breaking our hearts the hardest. 

    These Nigerians open up about the friendship breakups that changed how they see loyalty, and friendship forever.

    “I opened my home to her, but she planned to rob me” — Kemi*, 59, F

    Kemi thought she had found a lifelong friend in her co-worker, but her true colours left Kemi shocked and heartbroken.

    “In 2010, I got very close to a co-worker, Lade*, who I met at my new job at an IT firm. In 2012, she got a sudden eviction notice from her landlord and didn’t know where to stay while she looked for a new place to live. I immediately invited offered for her to stay with me and my family in the interim. What was supposed to be a week-long stay turned into three years. I didn’t mind it; to me, she had become a part of our family. 

    In 2015, everything changed. One Saturday, I was sitting at home when a group of police officers came to the house with Lade and someone else in handcuffs. They had been caught trying to contract some street urchins as armed robbers to come to my house and steal the new Jeep my husband had bought. I was shocked to the core. This was someone that my husband and I were discussing buying a car for the following year as a gift, because of how good we thought she was. I heard her family bailed her out of jail a while later, but I made sure to cut her out of my life completely. I sent all her property to one of her family members and blocked her number and social profiles.

    I withdrew from everyone after that. It was hard to accept that I was so open with someone willing to put the lives of my children and husband in danger over a car.”

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    “He let another person’s lies come between us” — Lanre*, 38, M

    Lanre was left broken when his friend believed another person’s lie over his own account.

    “My best friend Jibril* and I have been tight since we were thirteen. He was my brother in every sense of the word. We even lived together as flatmates after graduating from university.

    In 2019, one of our mutual friends grew jealous of our closeness. He wanted to be closer to Jibril, but apparently, I was in the way. So he connived with Jibril’s ex, who hated me, and they both lied that she cheated with me during their relationship. 

    When Jibril confronted me with this accusation, I denied it immediately, but he didn’t believe me. Blinded by his anger, he moved out of our apartment a few weeks later. The fact that he didn’t believe me cut me deep. I thought all our years together meant he would have more trust in me, but I was wrong.

    We hardly speak now that he has moved out, and I feel the vacuum he left in my life. I miss him a lot, but I don’t know if we can fix our friendship.”

    “She kept job opportunities a secret from me” — Debisi*, 28, F

    Denisi’s bestie broke her heart when, instead of sharing job opportunities with her, she kept them hidden.

    “When Funmi* and I met in 100 level, we gelled instantly. We ended up in the same hostel and before the end of our first semester, everyone in our dorm knew we were joined at the hip. In 300 level, when things became very financially difficult for Funmi’s family, she didn’t even need to ask: I shared my allowance and foodstuff with her till we graduated. It’s not like I had a lot, but I saw her as my sister.. After finishing school, our friendship only grew stronger. In fact, in 2023, when she had a housing crisis, she lived with me for two months while she searched for a new place.

    Then in early 2024, we both lost our jobs. While searching for new jobs, I would send her every job opening that I came across. She claimed she did the same for me, but over time, I noticed I was hearing from her less and less. I thought she was getting tired of the constant rejection emails, so I ramped up my search for jobs we could apply to. I called her every other day to encourage her and give updates about my progress, and I assumed she told me about hers as well.

    Five months into our job search, she reached out to me, dejected because she had mixed up the dates for an interview she had. She had never mentioned anything about this company, but I thought it just slipped her mind. I calmed her down and wrote a letter for her to send to them to reschedule, which was successful. But she didn’t get the job at the end of the day. I asked her to share the application link with me so I could apply instead, but she said the applications had closed. A short while later, while speaking to a mutual friend, I found out that she not only lied about the application being closed, but she had been keeping the openings she knew about a secret.

    I didn’t want to believe it at first. When I asked her about it, she said I shouldn’t expect her to carry my matter on her head, so of course she wouldn’t share jobs she hoped to get with me. When I pointed out that I shared mine with her, she said that was my choice, and she didn’t ask me to share them. It was as if she threw cold water in my face. I haven’t spoken to her since then. It’s been more than a year, but it still hurts as if it were yesterday. I don’t know if I can trust anyone as much as I did Funmi, but I take each day and each friendship as it comes.”

    Don’t miss a thing from ZikokoShips, sign up to our newsletter here!

    “He went behind my back and stole my idea” — Joseph*, 32, M

    Joseph experienced a betrayal from his best friend that cut so deep that even years later, it still stings.

    “More than a decade ago, in 300 level, I told my then-best friend Amos* about my dream to start a graphics and custom printing business when we were done with school. Amos discouraged me from it, saying it would be a waste of my engineering degree. I didn’t give up on the dream despite this.

    In final year, I got my first deal to print custom shirts for our department’s finalists after a lot of begging and lobbying. To my shock, my faculty president broke our deal two weeks later because they had found a much cheaper option. It made me sad, but I kept it pushing. 

    It broke my heart when one of the excos told me it was Amos that brought a cheaper, juicier deal to their table for the shirts. I confronted him about his betrayal and he said it was just the way the business world worked. That conversation marked the end of our friendship. I don’t believe in ‘best friends’ anymore. Even though it happened so long ago, I still remember the pain of that act when I feel myself getting too comfortable with anybody. Anyone with a chance to get one over on you will.”

    “She moved abroad and slowly forgot about me” — Sarah*, 29, F

    Sarah shares how the slow death of her friendship with Demilade* has hurt her deeply.

    “When Demilade* shared that she had gotten a scholarship to pursue her Masters in the US, I was the most elated for her. In fact, when she was about to move, we went shopping together, packed her things together and had a sleepover. I even followed her and her family to the airport to see her off.

    [ad][/ad]

    What I didn’t expect was the fall off. At first, we texted each other every day and spoke to each other often, but over time, her replies came later and later. It got to a point where she wouldn’t reply my texts for days. When I tried to have a conversation about it, she said I shouldn’t expect her to abandon her new friends in the US for me. 

    It felt like she punched me in the stomach. I kept my distance after that and she never tried to bridge it. I sent her a happy birthday message in September, and she replied three weeks later. A simple ‘Thanks.” I keep trying to think about if the sisterhood we shared before she moved abroad was even real. She set me aside like it meant nothing to her. This was the person that asked me to be her chief bridesmaid when we were fourteen, before either of us even had our first crushes. It hurts to have lost her so slowly, but I’m trying to heal and hopefully move on.”

    ALSO READ: 5 Nigerian Mothers, 1 Question: Was Your Husband There For You After Childbirth?

  • Lola*(25) thought Ada’s*(23) extroverted nature would rub off on her in the best ways. Instead, what happened was a friendship rife with jealousy, boyfriend drama and a final accusation that blew everything out of the water.

    This is Lola’s story as told to Betty:

    My face was a canvas of confusion when Ada accused my boyfriend of flirting with her at my 24th birthday party. It didn’t even make sense. He was hard at work the entire day, running up and down to capture photos and videos for me. 

    I told her she must have misunderstood something, but Ada doubled down. She called me, turned it into a shouting match, and started hurling insults that had nothing to do with the original claim she made. 

    I tried to reconcile my hurt with the good memories we shared. I wondered how she could have gone from being the girl I laughed and shared everything with to the one screaming at me on the phone. 

    ***

    Ada and I met shortly after I moved to Ghana for university. We stayed in an off-campus apartment with two other flatmates, but we weren’t close at first. Shortly after school started, I also started a side business. 

    During one of my boyfriend’s visits, he encouraged Ada to patronise my business. She never did, but we started getting very close. 

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    Ada was very extroverted, and I felt she would help me come out of my shell and be more social. For a while, this was the case. We had so many fun times together. Nights spent clubbing, weekends trying out new restaurants and making new friends along the way. It was all smooth running until her boyfriend came into the picture.

    Ada’s boyfriend, Dede*, was not my cup of tea. He was mean, spoke crassly to everyone and was emotionally abusive towards my friend.  It didn’t take long to get irritated by their relationship. Their fights were loud. On many days, I’d hear them shouting at each other. He’d go as far as insulting her looks, talking to her like she was worthless. I had to watch it all play out from a distance because Ada always had an excuse ready whenever I told her to leave.

    “He’ll change. It won’t happen again,” she’ll say over and over, almost as though she needed to convince herself. I felt sad, but I always respected her decision to stick with love.

    Despite my dislike for Dede, the friendship with Ada continued to blossom. Well, until things started to fall apart.  She started with mean jokes often made when we were together or out in public.

    Once, we got into a fight after she made a distasteful joke about my hormonal acne. She knew how sensitive I was about it, yet she made the joke at the expense of my feelings. 

    Soon, I wanted to distance myself from her, but I thought it was unfair not to give her a chance to change. So I stayed on. I kept watering the friendship, even though it yielded no fruit.

    Ada also had main character syndrome. She felt like other people, including me, were always looking to copy whatever she did. If she got braids and I also wanted braids, she would get upset and accuse me of trying to water down her individuality. It was annoying because even when I didn’t mean to copy or make her feel offended, she still tried to fight me.

    I remember my mum even warned me about her. I’d been on a call once while Ada was in the background, laughing and making jokes. My mum stopped mid-conversation to ask who it was. When I explained, she told me to be careful of that girl. I brushed it off then, but later, when things got worse between us, those words haunted me. By 2022, the cracks in our friendship were crystal clear. That year, I organised a fancy dinner for my birthday. My boyfriend and some of our mutual friends were invited, and I was looking forward to an amazing time spent with my people. I’d deliberately left Dede out. I didn’t want to share my special moment with a person who made me uncomfortable. Yet, when Ada showed up, he was there by her side.

    He didn’t even have the decency to show up in a proper outfit. He came in a tracksuit and slippers and wasn’t allowed into the venue. I had to intervene because it caused an embarrassing commotion at the entrance until he stormed off in anger. My mood was ruined for the rest of the night. Still, Ada was angry at me for not “forcing” the restaurant to let her boyfriend in.  It didn’t matter that my birthday was ruined; I had to be the bigger person and let things slide. But our friendship didn’t stay the same after that event. 

    That same year, Dede crossed a line and started physically abusing Ada. Once, it got so bad that I had to beg my boyfriend to intervene. I told her to leave again, but she refused. So I chose to mind my business.

    But that decision didn’t mean I was free from drama. Friends started telling me Ada was spreading lies about me — saying  I thought I was better than everyone else because my relationship was “perfect”. 

    [ad][/ad]

    Meanwhile, the same Ada always had something to say about how a friend’s boyfriend moved to her. I wasn’t willing to entertain her drama anymore, so I decided to keep my distance.

    Fast-forward to 2023. I invited Ada to my small birthday party. I didn’t have a big budget, so I kept it intimate and within the people who mattered. It was so small that I made my boyfriend act as the cameraman and videographer. And he did a stellar job. Even though I was super busy, I caught little moments here and there where he interacted with other guests for a compilation video.

    After the party, Ada told people my boyfriend was flirting with her.

    I was confused. That’s not him. It was completely out of character.  When I reached out and asked him directly, he reminded me he’d been filming all day. Still, I didn’t want the situation to fester, so I tried to clear the air with Ada. I hoped we could have a mature conversation about whatever misunderstanding occurred, but instead, she started a fight. She called me names, compared our looks and insulted me and my boyfriend. It was too much for me, so I hung up.

    That was the last time I spoke to Ada. She never returned to our apartment after that fight, and not long after, I heard she dropped out of uni. I also decided to move to another apartment and cut her off completely. It was one of the best decisions I ever made

    But I didn’t count on how much the fallout would affect me.

    I became more introverted, to the point where this year, I didn’t throw a party for my birthday. I was afraid someone else would use the opportunity to stir up some drama, which I’m not interested in. I would rather focus on other aspects of my life. 

    I know being closed off isn’t healthy, but I can only hope that trusting people will become easier as I age. But right now, I have no space for new friendships or learning to trust new people. 

    See what people are saying about this article on social media

    READ NEXT: “We Were Done in Two Weeks” — 5 Nigerians on Their Shortest Relationships

  • Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    When Ifeoluwa* (21) met Tomi* (21) in 2020, it was as if their friendship was meant to be. Their sisterhood blossomed as they continued university, but cracks started to appear in their bond.

    In this Sunken Ships story, Ifeoluwa shares how her sisterhood with Tomi developed, how their relationship unravelled and how she’s dealing with the aftermath.

    How did you and Tomi meet?

    We met in March 2020. We were both doing our undergraduate clearance, and I had helped her with some of the process when she was having issues. After that, we started going to classes together before we all got sent home for the lockdown.

    What impact did the lockdown have on your friendship with her?

    It actually brought us closer together. We would interact with our social posts and talk about what we’d do when the lockdown was lifted. 

    What about after the lockdown?

    In 2021, we still weren’t allowed to resume fully. We would only come to school for special practical classes. During those weeks when we had the practical classes, Tomi and I would stay together at a friend’s place. I later got my own place, and she constantly visited me. This also deepened our bond.

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    What was your friendship with Tomi like?

    It was less like we were friends and more like we were sisters. I saw her as my closest confidant, and there was nothing that happened in my life that I didn’t report to her immediately. I thought she regarded me in the same way, but I was wrong.
    We were so close that when I showed up at my popular haunts without her, people would ask me where my “wife” or “bestie” was. I loved her very much.

    When did you notice any red flags in your friendship with her?

    It was after our third year in school. I had changed my course the year before and had to go back to 100 level. She did the same in 2022 when she was in 300L. Afterwards, I noticed some distance between us for the first time.

    Did you try to speak with her about it?

    As soon as I noticed, I brought it up. But because starting over in a new department can be daunting, I understood when she said that she was just a bit busy with schoolwork and thought nothing of it. After all, I was trying to get excellent grades as well. It was during one of my reading sessions that I came across some disturbing information.

    What kind of information?

    One night in 2023, I went for an overnight reading session with a few other students in my department. While there, I got a call from an ex-boyfriend who was trying to rebuild a friendship with me. 

    While we were talking, he asked if Tomi had told me they were getting really close in 2024.

    What did he mean by “close”?

    That’s exactly what I asked him. He said they were talking so often that Ayo*, a classmate who was trying to start a relationship with Tomi at the time, got jealous and told him to back off. I was more than a bit shocked at what my ex told me. Tomi never mentioned that they spoke at all, speak less of getting so close that they made one of her potential partners jealous. I wasn’t sure what to do and tried to play it off like Tomi had already mentioned it. But my ex could tell I was surprised.

    Did you tell her when you found out?

    Yes, I wanted to hear her side of the story. Tomi just shrugged it off. She admitted that she and my ex were talking every day, but she claimed it was just a friendly connection.

    How did you react to her response?

    I asked her for some space. I took two days away from talking to her to think about what she said. I eventually reached out because I missed her, and I told her I wasn’t happy about the way I found out about her talking to my ex. This was mostly because we had ended things on a bad note, and she knew that I had him blocked at the start of the year because I was so upset with him. 

    Regardless, I forgave her, and our friendship continued because I wasn’t about to let a man come between me and my best friend.

    What was your friendship with her like after that?

    I thought we’d just go back to normal, but that wasn’t the case. Tomi became even more distant. Especially In February, 2025, I noticed I just couldn’t get a hold of her. At first I thought it was because our original set mates are graduating this year and she felt bad about it. I wanted to be there for her emotionally  because I felt the same pangs about their graduation.

    How often did you try to reach out to her?

    I reached out to her every day like I usually would, only I wasn’t getting the same daily responses I used to get. In April, my lover was sick in the hospital and I went to be with him. I posted a snap of the hospital and she texted to sk if I was ill. When I told her I wasn’t she didn’t even ask why I was at the hospital, she just stopped replying.

    Did this bother you at all?

    Yes it did. It was an unusual feeling to not be able to speak to Tomi as often as I liked to. I tried to take it in stride but our conversations had dwindled to only once a week. It meant there was a lot going on in my life that I wasn’t telling her about.

    Like what?

    Like the fact that I had become good friends with the ex I mentioned earlier, and he had asked me to keep it lowkey. Usually, I would at least tell Tomi about something like that, but after I wished her a happy birthday, I didn’t hear from her for over two weeks, even though I had tried to reach her. So I stopped texting to see if she’d miss me enough to reach out to me. To my surprise, she didn’t text even once.

    Wow, that must have stung.

    It hurt so much. Even though I had stopped texting her, I still sent her snap streaks every day. In May, I sent her a snap of me in the hospital for a fractured knee. I had hurt myself during sports practice and needed someone to follow me to the hospital. But as usual, I got no response. Instead, I heard from other students that she had gone to watch the other athletes play after I went to the hospital. 

    Did you try to speak to her after that?

    Yes. I sent her a message and tried to make her see that the distance between us was hurting me, and I didn’t feel like we were as close as we used to be. I wanted us to meet and talk it

    How did she respond?

    She said she was busy but would look for a date we could meet to talk. She never got back to me on that, and our friendship took a big hit after that.

    What happened?

    My ex randomly asked me out for drinks one night, and I accepted. While we were out, he dropped a bomb on me. Tomi was dating Jesse*.

    Who is Jesse?

    Jesse used to be a very close male friend. However, we fell out in January 2024 when he exposed his genitals to me during a late-night reading session. I told him I wasn’t interested, but he kept trying to coerce me. I had to call my other male friends to help run him off. I told Tomi about this when it happened, and I assumed we both cut him out of our lives, so I was shocked when my ex said they were together.

    Did you confront Tomi about this?

    No, I couldn’t. When my ex saw how shocked I was, he begged me to keep it a secret. He didn’t want anyone to know I heard it from him. I tried to gently pry the information out of Tomi, but she never gave it up. That choice made me start to reconsider our friendship. I felt so betrayed that I started acting out.

    Can you share how?

    I started drinking heavily, I shaved my head, and I cried a lot. My lover was thankfully a big emotional support during this terrible period.

    When did everything come to a head?

    It was a week before our exams in July 2025. I drunkenly went out to get food with my lover and ran into Jesse, Tomi and a group of their friends at the place. I was shocked to see her, but called her aside to ask her if it was true she was dating Jesse. She tensed up and didn’t say anything. 

    What did you do when she didn’t respond?

    I burst into tears. I couldn’t believe that she betrayed me like that. It was embarrassing to crash out in public that way, but I was overwhelmed with emotion. The worst part was that Tomi didn’t seem affected. She just kept saying, “I don’t know what to say,” over and over. She left with Jesse and his friends, and I found my way home, where I swore to have nothing to do with her again.

    What has the aftermath been like?

    It has been awful. I fell sick with stress-induced malaria right after and had to be hospitalised until a day before my exams. I threw myself into my exams to distract myself, but it’s like the ghost of our friendship has haunted me ever since.

    People ask where Tomi is or how she’s doing everywhere I go. I’m not interested in rehashing this story with everyone, so when people ask, I just tell them we had a falling out.

    [ad][/ad]

    What about your mutuals? How do they handle the rift between you and Tomi?

    No one around me mentions her anymore. It’s like they were also looking for a chance to distance themselves from her. This isn’t to say she doesn’t have her own friends, it’s just that we don’t share close mutuals anymore.

    How has this friendship breakup affected your other relationships?

    I now find it very difficult to trust anyone. I don’t think I’ll ever let anyone get as close to me as Tomi did. I’m afraid they’ll hurt me again.

    What if Tomi reached out to apologise? Would you ever rekindle your friendship with her?

    I’m a forgiving person so it’s possible I might oblige if she reaches out maybe five years from now. But I know our friendship can never be the way it was before.

    What does the future hold for you now?

    I’m focused on maintaining my good grades and graduating. Tomi is the furthest thing from my mind right now.

    See what people are saying about this article on social media

    Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!

  • Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.

    Ngozi* (49) and Ada* (48) met at university and, after weathering a tragedy together, became best friends. Their friendship spanned two decades and overcame long distance, but it eventually fell apart when Ada’s behaviour changed and Ngozi realised that Ada didn’t value their sisterhood like she did.

    How did your friendship with Ada begin?

    Ada and I were members of the Catholic Forum at our university campus back in 1998. We were both executives, but we weren’t close because she was a year behind me. However, we were cordial and had worked well together.
    In 2000, Ada’s mother passed away, and I was one of the representatives from the catholic forum who attended the funeral to pass on our condolences. While there, she said something that stuck with me.

    What did she say?

    She urged us not to postpone any good thing we wanted to do for our parents who were still alive, because one could never know when they had run out of time. I decided to give her even more support as she dealt with her loss, and our friendship deepened.

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    Wow, that’s so heart-warming. What was your friendship with Ada like? 

    It was fantastic. We were basically sisters, and our friendship made our families close. I spent the holidays at hers, and she spent time with my family as well. Our friendship lasted over twenty years, and during that time, we graduated from school, got married and had kids,  but we always kept in touch. I even attended her wedding before, she and her husband moved to Uganda.

    In 2012, she and her kids came back to Nigeria because she wanted them to have Nigerian roots. They chose to move to my city in Anambra, and that made me so happy. Even though I had to miss my uncle’s burial to do so, I helped her stock food at her new apartment and helped them settle in.

    How was your friendship with Ada like after she moved back to Nigeria?

    It was as if she never left. We just picked up our sisterhood from where we left off, even her husband knew I called her “my sweetheart” affectionately. I was also her confidant because her husband stayed back in Uganda, and adjusting to a long-distance marriage was hard. However, it was shortly after she moved back that we started having issues.

    READ ALSO: Sunken Ships: He Only Called Me When He Wanted My Body

    What sort of issues did you have?

    Because of my strict religious upbringing, I follow strong personal principles. Ada knew this as well, so when she started cheating on her husband with a Catholic priest, she felt that I would judge her. I tried to make it clear that I didn’t judge her, but I also didn’t condone what she was doing, as it went against my personal ethics. 

    Did she accept that you weren’t judging her?

    Not at all. Ada tried to paint me as ‘better’ than her, and she started making jokes about how I was a ‘saint’, so there were things she knew she couldn’t share with me. At first, I thought this was just a normal joke between friends, but it started coming up every time we would see each other. One time, she even joked that she wished that God would give her what I have. That made me uncomfortable because to me, she and her family were much better off than mine. I was doing my Phd while her family had just completed their second building, which they rented out for extra income.

    Did you ever try to talk about it with her?

    Yes, but she would always brush it off as a joke, and I didn’t want to push it. Besides, we started quarrelling over other things.

    Tell me about that.

    One of our biggest issues was that I was the only one who reached out to Ada. Whenever she contacted me, it was because she needed me to help her do something. It was upsetting. I tried to speak to her about it, but she would always make the excuse that she was busy with her kids. My one regret was that I didn’t end the friendship during that period. Instead, we decided to give the friendship another chance. 

    Did her behaviour improve after you gave it another chance?

    No, in fact, Ada became dodgy. She opened a boutique I patronised often when she returned to Nigeria. Then one random day, I found out that she had changed to a cement business. She sold all her boutique wares on clearance but never told me about it. I felt bad about that, but I let it go. I wanted to visit her new cement shop, but every time I called to ask for the address, Ada would say she was busy or away from the store. I knew she was avoiding me, but I wanted to fight for our friendship, so I kept trying to visit her. But in 2023, she added the last straw that broke our friendship.

    What did she do?

    Ada didn’t like living in Nigeria after moving back from Uganda, and started to process her relocation to another country with her kids. I was very involved in the process and helped them facilitate a lot of the requirements they needed. I didn’t think anything of the effort I put in for her because I saw her as my sister. 

    As the time for her emigration drew closer, I kept trying to visit her so we could talk, but she continued to give excuses. I asked for the exact date she was travelling, but she dodged the question. A few days before she travelled, I tried to visit her for the last time. She kept giving excuses, and eventually her number stopped going through. I just accepted that as the end of our friendship and tried to move on.

    Did Ada try to reach out to you after she left the country?

    Yes. Two weeks after she left, she started blowing up my phone with messages asking for my forgiveness and saying she knew she had wronged me. I told her I had forgiven her, and she had nothing to worry about. She even called me after she got a job and asked me to fill out a referral form for her. I did and sent it back to her. After all, I wasn’t surprised that she reached out because she needed my help with something.

    Did she try to pretend like your friendship was the way it used to be?

    Yes, she called me on my birthday and tried to act like we were still close. I replied politely, and that was the end of that. Mentally, I have burned that bridge and I want nothing to do with her after she treated me like I was someone disposable.

    Do you regret your friendship with Ada?

    A little bit, yes. Because of my strict religious upbringing and my fear of heartbreak, I avoided casual romantic relationships with men and thought I would be safe in my platonic friendships. However, the situation with Ada broke my heart and introduced me to a pain I wanted to avoid forever.

    [ad][/ad]

    How do you feel about your friendship with Ada now?

    I miss her, but I value my dignity far more than any emotional breadcrumbs she has to offer me. Although I saw her as my sister, she treated me like an acquaintance. I’ve since decided to pour myself into my other friendships and nurture the relationships that mirror the effort I put into them.

    Would you reconcile if Ada came back and promised she had changed?

    No. I don’t think our friendship can recover from the damage it has suffered. It’s sad, but I think our relationship has run its course.

    See what people are saying about this article on Instagram

    Hey, if you’d like to share your own #SunkenShips story with Zikoko, fill out this form!

  • Distance doesn’t always make the heart grow fonder. Sometimes, it stretches friendships until they snap, and everyone chooses to ply their own lane. 

    Ahead of International Friendship Day, we asked six Nigerians living abroad about the fights and uncomfortable shifts that cost them some of their closest friendships back home.

    “I cut him off because his updates felt like competition” — Hassan*, 31, UK

    When Hassan* moved to the UK through the care worker route, he assumed his hardest adjustment would be settling into a new country. He didn’t realise friendships from home would come with unexpected pressure.

    “In the beginning, I appreciated the calls from my guy. It felt good to know someone was checking on me. But then I started noticing the tone of our conversations. It went from ‘how’s it going’ to unsolicited updates about how much he was winning in Nigeria.

    I’d tell him about my exhausting 12-hour shifts, and he’d cut in with, ‘My bro, I just got my second car, ’ or ‘I just did XYZ. ’ It became every conversation.

    I started dreading his calls. It was like I had to prove I wasn’t suffering abroad or justify my decision to leave. It got to a point where my chest would tighten anytime I saw his name pop up on WhatsApp.

    I slowly stopped responding, then stopped picking up calls altogether. I didn’t announce anything, but the friendship died a natural death. Life is already hard enough here. I can’t burden myself with someone’s constant comparison.”

    Get More Zikoko Goodness in Your Mail

    Subscribe to our newsletters and never miss any of the action

    “We swore we wouldn’t drift, but I ended up feeling like the clingy one” — Chidera*, 28, UK

    Before relocating, Chidera* and her closest friend always ranted about people who forgot their friends after moving abroad. But when it was her turn to leave, the reality hit different.

    “Before I moved, we always promised each other we’d never become those friends who lost touch. She always used to say, ‘People abroad think we want to beg them for money.’ I always swore I’d never be that person who made my friends feel that way.

    So when I relocated, I went out of my way to call, send voice notes, and gist. I thought we were keeping things the same. Then I noticed something — she’d respond late or not at all and never reach out first.

    I overlooked it until I saw one of her tweets saying, ‘I’m not calling anybody abroad, I don’t want them to think I’m begging.’ I called her out on it, and she laughed it off.

    After a while, it just didn’t make sense anymore. I was carrying the friendship alone. I stopped reaching out, and naturally, we just stopped talking. Sometimes I think about her and miss our friendship, but it hurts knowing I was the only one fighting to keep it alive.”

    “Helping with my errands soured our friendship” — Hadiza*, 38, U.S

    Before moving to the US, Hadiza* had multiple low-key projects running in Nigeria, and she assumed her best friend would be her go-to person for on-ground support. She didn’t realise that the dynamic would end their friendship.

    “Before I left, I had two small businesses and a land project I was handling back home. My family didn’t know the full scope because… you know how extended families can be. But my best friend did. She always said, ‘Anything you need, I’ve got you.’

    At first, it was fine. She’d help run errands, do site visits, and even supervise some of my vendors. But with time, I started feeling a slight resistance. I’d ask for a quick video update, and she’d act like I was stressing her out. Yet, when it was her idea, she’d do it excitedly.

    One day, I asked her to do a simple bank run for me, but she didn’t respond until late at night. She said, ‘I’m not your PA o, ‘ which made me feel bad because I always sent money for transportation or lunch; I never asked for freebies.

    I didn’t confront her; I just quietly found other people to outsource to. That’s when she got offended and accused me of moving funny. I didn’t have the energy to explain because I knew it would turn into a bigger fight, so we stopped talking.

    Looking back, I get it; no adult wants to feel like an errand person. But it still stings that she didn’t have the emotional maturity to communicate before letting resentment build. Sometimes, I wonder if I should’ve handled it better, but then I think: why can’t friendships hold space for helping each other without bruised egos?”

    [ad]

    “I lost a friendship because my friend felt entitled to my salary” — Ifunanya*, 27, Canada

    Ifunanya had always been the ‘big sister’ in her friend group. But after relocating, one friend took it too far.

    “I moved abroad for my master’s and stayed back after getting a job. One of my close friends back home started expecting me to handle her financial problems just because I was earning well. It started with little things,  ‘help me sort this bill’, ‘buy me this wig and send it with someone coming home’. I indulged it at first because I genuinely cared about her.

    But it soon became an entitlement. I’d wake up to a credit alert request without even a ‘good morning.’ She’d call and have a financial request that had to be handled urgently.

    The last straw was when she called me stingy for refusing to lend her money for a phone. It wasn’t a loan she planned to pay back either. I told her to stop seeing me as an ATM, and she flipped, saying I’d changed since I left. I didn’t even argue. I blocked her everywhere that same day.”

    “Distance exposed the one-sidedness of our friendship” — Emeka*, 41, U.S

    For Emeka*, leaving Nigeria forced him to confront something he’d always ignored: his friendship had been one-sided all along.

    “I moved to the US six years ago and thought nothing would change with my best friend. But when the calls reduced, I didn’t take it personally. Life gets busy, and everyone has enough on their plates.

    But then, I thought about it and realised I always called and checked in. When I decided to stop and see if he’d call first, it took three months before I heard from him, and that was because he needed help applying for something.

    I confronted him about it, and he said I should be the one checking on people back home more. That was the moment I realised the friendship wasn’t balanced. I stopped doing the heavy lifting, and naturally, things fizzled. We’ve not spoken in almost a year. I miss the friendship, but we’ll all be fine.”

    “That alumni group comment told me everything I needed to know” — Victor*, 31, UK

    Victor* didn’t officially end the friendship, but after one comment in his secondary school alumni group, he knew it was time to step back.

    “I relocated to the UK on the care worker route in 2022. I’ve always tried to stay connected, especially with my secondary school mates. We had this lively WhatsApp alumni group where we’d gist, banter, and occasionally check in on each other.

    One random afternoon, we were doing our usual back-and-forth about life and career updates. Then, my friend made a random jab. Something like, ‘At least we no go dey pack shit abroad.’

    I laughed it off in the moment, but it stayed with me. I never hid my reality from my friends — life abroad can be tough. But that comment was just weird. It felt like a shade, like he was trying to say something he’d always wanted to.

    I didn’t reply because I didn’t want drama, but it told me everything I needed to know about how he viewed me. People talk about how folks abroad switch up, but people back home can be equally weird. It’s like because you’re not flaunting success the way they expect, they see you as beneath them.

    I stayed in the group, but I slowly disengaged. I don’t message him anymore, and I don’t share updates like I used to. I didn’t need to cut him off; I just realised not everyone deserves access to you, especially people who try to mock you under the guise of ‘banter’.”

    *Names have been changed to protect the identity of the subjects.

    Click here to see what other people are saying about this article on Instagram