Forget what Nollywood romcoms or your favourite novels have told you — there’s no manual for love, and even fewer clues for knowing if the person you’re with is the one you should spend forever with. For some women, the moment was clear as day. For others, it took time — the boring phase of intentionality, prayer, family introductions, and background checks to make sure they weren’t about to be bamboozled by demons in men’s clothing.
We asked these Nigerian women to talk about when they knew they’d found their person. Some felt it in their spirit, some saw it in a prayer journal, but all of them just knew.
“Several moments of introspection helped me realise I’d found my person” — Tinuke (43)
Forget butterflies and fairytale romance. Tinuke leaned on evidence, not emotion, and watched her now-husband love her out loud, plan with her in mind, and show up without being asked. Fourteen years later, she has no regrets.
“For me, it wasn’t a love at first sight story, or a case of ‘I knew you were the one from the first day we met.’ I had many moments of deep introspection when I considered my husband’s feelings for me and the actions that backed those confessions. He was very intentional about my growth and career progression. He constantly involved me in his plans, and I could tell he wanted the best for me. I also didn’t bother involving any third party to help me validate my feelings. I only presented Mojeed to my family when it was time to make things official, and that was it. We’ve been together 14 years, and I’ve never once doubted my decision, or the fact that we’re meant for each other.”
“I told him I love you once I realised” — Ini, 33
Ini shot her shot first, but it took another two months before she realised she wanted to spend forever with her man.
“I still remember the moment I knew he was the one. It was April 2016, two months after I’d asked my husband out. My sister was having a baby shower, and I woke up missing Femi terribly. We were still early in the relationship, but he was so different from anything I had ever experienced.
GTBank was also having its Eat Drink Festival on the same day, and Femi was performing. While I had to run some errands for my sister, I had an overwhelming urge to see him. When he finally came around to say hi, a wave just came over me. Later that night, I told a friend about how I felt, and she said, “Ini, you’re in love.” That’s when it clicked.
I left the event with Femi that night and told him, ‘I love you.’ I was nervous, but I meant it.”
“Choosing him was a very logical decision” — Eseosa, 27
Eseosa is the kind of person who jumps first and figures things out mid-air. But when it came to choosing a life partner, she put the impulse on pause and went with the one person who made love feel like logic. She shares:
“I’m a very impulsive person. A lot of big decisions I’ve made were in the moment. Thankfully I’ve not made any horrible big decisions in the past couple of years. But the “This is the one and I want to marry this person” decision was very logical. I was never marriage hungry; I was fine whether it happened or not. However, with my husband, the whole experience has been completely positive. He gives me room to grow, holds me accountable, calls me out on my bullshit, and he’s my safe space. So, it was like, if I’m going to get married at this moment, this is the person.”
“I found everything he wanted for his dream woman in a journal” — Susan (26)
How do you know someone’s not just taking you on a ride? Susan found her answer in a handwritten journal of prayers where her man had documented the sweetest confessions for his woman.
“There was a day I visited him, and he showed me a book he’d written over 100 confessions in — things he wanted to see happen in the lives of his friends, family and future wife. Some had already come true, and he marked them off. I was shocked. It showed how intentional he was. I also saw how he treated his friends with real care and respect. I thought, if this is how he treats friends, how much more someone he wants to marry?
But I didn’t rush. I prayed. I asked around about him. Feelings can be blinding, so I wanted to know who he really was. Eventually, everything checked out, and heading towards marriage felt natural.”
“His parents grilled me with questions and I realised I’d fallen in love” — Busayo (26)
Busayo didn’t need fireworks or a voice from the heavens, just two Nigerian parents asking the hard questions that made her realise she had truly fallen in love. She shares:
“The exact moment I knew he was the one for me happened three months into our relationship. He invited me to meet his parents, and they asked me so many questions. The realisation that I liked this person a lot hit me as I answered the questions. He also visited my parents the following month, and they grilled him with questions. At the end of it all, they also liked him. Our families syncing like that made it all so beautiful. A few months later, we exchanged marital vows in front of family and friends.”
“He supported me through everything” — *Bunmi (32)
For *Bunmi, love didn’t look like the picture-perfect couple with a fairytale ending. It looked like two people facing their health fears and societal stigma and still choosing each other.
“It wasn’t as simple as ‘I love you.’ My husband and I are both overweight and there were lots to consider. We had to talk about our fears and worries — would we be healthy enough for each other? My blood pressure was unstable and I was dealing with a couple of other illnesses from being overweight. Would society accept us as a couple? I also spoke with friends, my siblings, and even my mum. One night, after another long conversation with one of my closest friends, I just knew. It wasn’t about perfection; it was about knowing the two of us could build a good life together, even with our flaws and all. And that was all took it for me to go all in. Well, also the fact that he’s the most supportive partner ever. There really wasn’t anything else lacking; he was all that I wanted.”
“I told God I didn’t want to kiss all the frogs first” — *Wunmi, 29
*Wunmi had options, prayed hard, and even tried to brush off her now-husband’s clinginess. But when the dust settled and she turned to God in prayer, she knew the right choice had always been standing beside her.
“It was hard to tell my husband James’ true intentions in the beginning because he’s friendly with everyone. He’d come to my hostel and try to put his arm around me when we walked. I’d remove it and tell him to keep his hands to himself because I didn’t want to confuse our status as just friends.
I should also mention that there was someone else in the mix — a study partner I’d grown fond of. He was academically sound, which I found attractive. But I quickly realised he wasn’t someone I’d want to end up with. We never talked beyond schoolwork, and I just couldn’t picture a life with him. Eventually, we had a falling out, and I focused on James.
Still, I wanted to be sure. I’d been single for a while so that I could focus on my studies, and I didn’t want to make a decision that’d derail me. So I started praying for guidance, asking God if James was the right person for me. During those prayers, I’d say, “God, I don’t want to kiss all the frogs before I meet my prince charming.” It took seven months to get my answer.
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