Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
*Ezra (29) and *Feyi (26) met at a Jehovah’s Witness meeting in 2022, and what began as small talk during evangelism outings slowly evolved into a friendship neither wanted to lose.
On this week’s Love Life, they talk about falling for each other slowly, navigating clashing communication styles, and why supporting each other through crisis made saying “yes” to marriage the easy part.
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What’s your earliest memory of each other?
Ezra: I walked into our Jehovah’s Witness meeting on October 30, 2022, and sent my best friend a text saying, “I’ve just seen the most beautiful woman to ever attend one of our meetings.”
Feyi dressed so simply — a wine and brown Bubu gown, cute glasses, a spectacularly pointy nose, and a perfect chin. I was in awe and couldn’t stop staring. But I didn’t approach her until days later.
Feyi: My memory is similar. I’d just joined the meeting and noticed Ezra that same week. Something about him stirred something in me. I loved how he carried himself, plus, he was really good-looking. I asked a friend about him, and they had lovely things to say. That was it for me. I knew I wouldn’t approach him. But as God would have it, I’d apparently crossed his radar, too.
Right. So, when did you first interact?
Ezra: A few days later. I first saw her on Friday. We went out for evangelism on Saturday, and I approached her on Sunday. I’m talkative, so it was easy to start a conversation. I used a younger friend as a launch pad; I got him talking and brought Feyi into the conversation. Once she was engaged, I subtly nudged the guy out and kept chatting with her. I didn’t get her number that day, though. That came a week later. But we kept seeing each other at group activities. I remember one evangelism trip where we had a long walk and got to gist properly. I mentioned a vendor whose food I liked, and Feyi said she could cook better. I thought she was joking until she called me days later and brought home-cooked food to my workplace.
Feyi: After that first interaction, I started greeting him whenever we crossed paths at meetings. I’d ask how he was doing, just general check-ins. Some kids in the congregation called him “daddy”, and I joked about being his daughter. That’s how I started calling him “daddy” too.
Ezra: I remember that. She said she wanted to be my daughter because I pampered my children.
Interesting. Were either of you in a relationship at the time?
Ezra: I was. But the relationship was fizzling out. I’d mentally checked out and stopped calling regularly because I wanted it to die naturally. My ex once said she didn’t love me as much as she thought. I tried to save it, but I was wrong.
Feyi: I was single. I’d left a relationship a few months earlier and wasn’t ready for love again.
So what happened next?
Ezra: The food. Whenever I mentioned being hungry or enjoying a particular meal, Feyi would show up with something even better. Real home-cooked meals.
Feyi: Food is one of my love languages. It’s how I show care, to friends or otherwise.
Ezra: Beyond the food, we started building a deeper connection, and that’s when I noticed and appreciated Feyi’s level of independence. She’d gone through so many personal challenges with family and carried on with this “self-made” aura that was undeniable. It made me really curious about her story.
Feyi: I should also mention that something I found fascinating about him was how committed he was to his craft as a fashion designer. He was always busy whenever I called or texted to check in. So busy he wouldn’t even have time to eat, which is why I started sending him food. But it also showed he was serious about his life. Despite his “busyness,” he’d still find time to call and check on me. I really liked that about him.
At what point did you confess your feelings, Ezra?
Ezra: It took months. We continued as friends. We were both fashion designers, both Jehovah’s Witnesses, so there was always something to talk about. But something happened that sealed it for me. I knew she wasn’t someone I could ever let go of.
What was that?
Ezra: My dad fell ill and was hospitalised. Feyi spent days with me there. My friend, who was also the attending doctor, pulled me aside and said, “This one isn’t just a friend. You must wife her.” And I agreed completely.
Feyi: For me, it was simply about showing up for a friend. I wasn’t overthinking whatever we had. Ezra hadn’t come forward with any strong proposition, so I didn’t read too much into our relationship. All I saw was a friend going through a hard time, and I believe I’d have shown up in the same way for anyone I considered a friend.
Right.
Ezra: I made my move after my dad recovered. I was no longer worried about his health, and Feyi was the only thing on my mind. I asked her to date me, adding that I didn’t think she should be sacrificing so much for me without something serious in return.
But she turned me down. She made it clear she was just being nice and nothing more. I nearly lost my mind. I couldn’t understand how she was so good to me and didn’t want to commit. Still, I stayed friends with her. I didn’t want to push it if she didn’t want to date, but I also didn’t want to lose her; she was just an excellent person to have in one’s corner.
Curious, Feyi. Why did you turn him down if you liked him from the start?
Feyi: Honestly, I was overplaying the “hard to get” card. That was it. I just wanted to do “shakara”.
Ezra: I think she just wanted to be sure I was who I claimed to be. And I doubled down. I showed her my best character.
Feyi: All of this lasted about nine months from when we first met. At one point —a few months after he asked me out— I called him again and asked, “What are we?“ And that was when we agreed to date.
I’m still confused. Was there any quality in particular you were looking out for?
Feyi: Nothing, to be honest. He had everything I wanted in a man — God-fearing, hardworking, trustworthy. But it just felt too good to be true. I needed to be sure it wasn’t a performance. But the more I watched, the more he proved me wrong.
Did you consider moving on, Ezra?
Ezra: Not really. She never said “no.” It felt like “not yet,” and that was why I applied more pressure. Plus, every important person in my life loved her so much. It would have been stupid to let her go. I had to hold on until I got what I wanted.
Makes sense. What were the early days of dating like?
Ezra: We talked about everything. I was always working, so evenings were for gisting. We saw each other a lot. She’d give me food almost every day. I’d pass by her place, share hugs, gist for an hour, then head home. I started teaching her my habits — I’d buy books and read to her. I brought her goodies and made clothes for her. If I saw something romantic online, I’d try it with her. They were really good days.
Feyi: Everything he said. We spent a lot of time together, went on evangelism, and worked side by side.
You mentioned trying romantic things. What sort of things did you try?
Ezra: To be clear, we didn’t get physically intimate. Not because of church rules, but our personal convictions based on biblical teachings. We only shared long hugs. I sometimes have bad days, and hugging her calms me. But we avoided lonely places or situations without a third party to stay true to our commitment.
Did you discover anything new about each other?
Ezra: Plenty. She doesn’t like to talk when she’s tired — she gets irritable, which is hard for me because I’m a talkative. I’ve learnt to talk less and help out when she’s stressed. Her love language is acts of service. She doesn’t enjoy reading but loves learning, so I read and share summaries with her.
The weirdest discovery? Her love for hawusa (the fruit). I bought it once and she was really happy. It was beautiful to see, because I only bought it after a long day at work, and couldn’t find any nice things. But to see how happy it made her? That was a delight.
Feyi: For me, it was how much he loved talking. I could barely keep up with him because I’m not a big talker. I only speak when necessary, and even then, I don’t say much. But Ezra’s talkative nature has rubbed off on me, and I think I’m getting better at expressing myself.
Curious. Did this dislike for talking ever cause issues around communication?
Feyi: Not really, but there’ve been times I had to say, “You’re talking too much. It’s overwhelming.” Sometimes he listens. Sometimes I get upset and check out.
Ezra: I’ve learnt to manage it. We have a system now: I ask if she’s in the mood for a long or short version of the conversation. If she’s not up for it, I take note and bring it up later. I try to be brief. She’s actually more open to longer conversations now, even if she doesn’t realise it.
I also remind myself we were raised differently, and that keeps me grounded. Take our wedding plans for example — I’ve had to make a few changes recently. I tell her, and she says “okay,” even when she’s clearly not fine with it. She just wants to avoid conflict. So now, I ask twice before making any changes, just to be sure she’s actually fine with it. I carry her along with every decision. I just keep the explanations short and sweet.
We both have moments where we’d rather be quiet, and I’ve learnt to respect that. When it’s her turn, I try to ask gentle questions that can draw her out. I feel bad sometimes when I want to talk and she’s not in the mood. But I’ve found a trick — I start with gist and slowly ease the real topic into the conversation.
Do you think you shy away from conversations to avoid conflict, Feyi?
Feyi: Not at all. Sometimes, I have so much to say, but I end up just saying “okay” because I’m tired. It’s not about avoiding conflict — it’s just how I am. I’ve always been quiet and careful with words. I don’t like long, drawn-out conversations or back-and-forths.
Speaking of wedding prep, at what point did you know you wanted to commit forever?
Ezra: When my dad got seriously ill again, I called Feyi. She showed up instantly, took care of him and was there for my mum in a way that moved me deeply. Watching her jump into action without hesitation made me realise she wasn’t just supportive, she’s the kind of woman people learn from.
Then there was a time we had a fight and weren’t talking much. I remember saying, “We can’t be like this when our baby girl is here,” and as cheesy as it sounded, it broke the tension. From that moment, our unborn daughter had a name.
There’s also the fact that everyone in my family adores her. At some point, I met someone who knew her as a child. When they found out we were together, they basically adopted me. They’ve been showering us with love ever since, mostly because of who she is. All of these things combined made it easy and pointed to one clear signal: wife her. I proposed on Feb 12.
Feyi: And he got a yes.
Sweet. It’s been three months since the proposal. How’s the journey been so far?
Feyi: Excitement is the only word that truly captures it. I’m genuinely looking forward to forever with this man. Since I said yes, I’ve learnt even more about him — especially how much he values opening up, even when it’s hard to talk. The last few months have been really beautiful.
Ezra: It’s been a rollercoaster. I’m excited about the upcoming phase of my life, but there’s also fear.
Why’s that?
Ezra: Marriage is a completely different experience. I know Feyi well, but now, I’ll be responsible for leading a home spiritually, financially, and emotionally. I’ve made plans to support us, but life doesn’t always go according to plan. The fear is just about the unknown.
Have you shared that fear with Feyi or anyone else?
Ezra: Yes, we talk about everything. She’s always reassuring. We also have some older mentors who care about us and have given us solid advice. They’ve encouraged us on the journey ahead and given us pointers. They’ve all pointed to one thing: consult God’s words and pray.
One of them also said, “The only opinion that matters in your marriage is your partner’s. No one understands your dynamic like you both do. So never take your gist outside.” That’s stuck with me.
Feyi: It’s interesting because I haven’t felt any fear. Ezra is so kind and grounded. I’m confident we’ll weather any storm together.
Neat. Have you had a major fight yet?
Ezra: Nothing that made us question the relationship, but yes, we’ve had fights.
Feyi: Especially around wedding planning. It’s such a stressful period. I remember a day I needed help with a client’s outfit and went to Ezra’s workshop. He said I should handle it myself. It hurt. I didn’t say anything at the time — I just went quiet. We barely spoke for five days. He tried to reach out, but I used work as an excuse to ignore him. Eventually, we talked it out.
Ezra: I didn’t mean to hurt her. I was distracted when she asked for help and my response came off as dismissive. Also, I’d already helped with similar work before, so I made a joke about her doing it herself. But she was serious, and I didn’t read the room. It was later on that I figured that she found my actions hurtful. Once I realised, I made it up to her with shawarma. That was all it took to win her back.
Has wedding planning caused other issues?
Ezra: Definitely. One of the biggest was the guest list. We’d agreed to keep it at 80 guests, but I bumped it up to 120 because of family pressure. She didn’t take it well. I also booked the venue late, and that annoyed her too.
Feyi: I couldn’t believe he’d renege on our initial agreement simply because the family wanted more guests at the ceremony. We were sticking to a strict budget, and we made those decisions together. Then he went behind my back to please others. Yes, he explained that his hands were tied, but I felt he should’ve stood his ground since we had already decided as a couple.
Ezra: Again, we resolved it by having a frank discussion, and my pleading. We agreed to the increase after I explained that we might’ve missed out on including some important people.
Any shared activity that helps you take your mind off wedding planning?
Ezra: Nothing particularly planned yet, but we’ve decided to start going on dates on the 6th of every month — our wedding date is September 6 — to stay connected and relaxed.
Nice. What’s the best thing about being with each other?
Ezra: Feyi fully embraces her femininity. It makes her presence so powerful. She’s nurturing in ways I haven’t seen in a long time. A lot of people today are harsh and unkind, but not her. She’s soft, gentle and intentional. She fights for me, not with me. And when life throws problems at us, we face them together, not as enemies, but as partners. In most ways, she complements and balances me out.
Feyi: Ezra is my peace. He’s my safe space. With him, I don’t have to worry. That feeling alone is everything.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your love life?
Ezra: 8. We’re still learning how to communicate better, but we’re on the right path to making it a 10.
Feyi: 8 too. He’s done a great job of loving me. Well done!
If you want to share your own Love Life story, fill out this form.
