Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Esther* (22) and Dide* (21) had been close since SS3. But as Dide and her boyfriend rose to fame as a celebrity couple, Esther found herself putting in all the effort to maintain their friendship.
In this story, Esther shares how their friendship declined, what made her decide to pull back, and if she’d reconcile with Dide if she got the chance.
Let’s start at the beginning. How did you and Dide meet?
We met in secondary school. We weren’t close then, but after secondary school, we reconnected and became very good friends despite attending different universities. After a while, other people started referring to us as best friends and we went along with it.
How was your friendship with Dide like?
It was great. We used to visit each other very often, and even our families knew each other because of how much time we spent visiting. But even though we were very close, our friendship experienced a lot of strain.
How do you mean?
Dide had a history of bad romantic experiences and that meant if we disagreed over the way her partner treated her, she would ghost me for a while. I always took her back with open arms when she tried to reconcile, because I know how hard it is to see reason when you’re in love.
Can you give me an example of this?
In 2020, she told me about a new boy she was dating. From her description, he was basically perfect, and I was happy for her. A few months down the line, she started saying that he was abusing her physically, verbally and emotionally. Of course, the first thing I told her to do was leave him, but she kept making excuses or changing the subject.
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Whoa. How did you handle that?
I tried to encourage her and be there for her. So I was the one she’d call when she needed to cry about the situation or needed a pick-me-up. She’d complain he was toxic, but still stayed with him. She even called me early in the morning during one their arguments, where they were screaming insults at each other. Her boyfriend would also report her to me regularly. It was a lot of emotional labour for me.
Did you ever mention that to Dide?
No, but I never got the chance. In 2021, Dide and her toxic boyfriend began making couple content on social media and quickly grew a large following. With her newfound popularity, Dide had fewer pockets of free time for us to speak.
Did this have an effect on your friendship with her?
Absolutely. I felt like I was competing for space in her life. I also felt weird because I disliked the way her boyfriend treated her behind closed doors, but they presented such a good image on social media. I was determined to support her and make sure she didn’t feel alone, so I would call her often and send check-in messages. I tried to remind her she was beautiful and she had the strength to leave him but she wouldn’t take most of my calls and only replied to me days or even weeks later.
Did she ever apologise for her sporadic communication?
Sometimes she would. She’d give the excuse that she was really busy and that was why she missed messages. But I saw her hang out with her influencer friends on a daily basis on her social media. I eventually took the hint and stopped reaching out entirely.
Did she notice this and try to reach out to you more?
I can’t say she did. She would only call me if she was having a bad time with her man, and once I’d consoled her, she’d disappear again. Even if I tried to check in on her afterwards, she wouldn’t respond to my messages. It felt more and more like I was doing too much.
Dide and her man broke up and got back together privately so many times, I lost count. One of the few times we spoke about it, she told me that she felt she couldn’t break up with her toxic man because of how popular they had become online.
At what point would you say the friendship began to decline?
Later in 2021. I noticed that every time we had spoken, it was because I had reached out. I also noticed she had unfollowed me on Instagram. It hurt, but I kept it moving.
Then, in May 2022, she posted an old video of us, and people started reaching out to tell me about it and to ask if Dide and I were friends. This made me reach out to her, and we spoke for a bit on the phone, during which she told me her toxic boyfriend had broken up with her a few months before.
What was your reaction?
I was so happy for her. The emotional turmoil of that relationship totally changed Dide from the girl I used to know in secondary school. At the time, she hadn’t posted about the break up online but something happened that brought it all to light.
Tell me what happened.
Her ex got married to another person without notice which caused a lot of speculation from their online community. Even when I texted her about it, it took a while for her to respond. She felt insecure about posting online when it happened. There was commentary from all sides when that went down but I tried to stay by her side and encourage her.
What happened next?
Like clockwork, we lost touch again. She got caught up in her influencer activities and didn’t have time for me, but I was used to it. Then one day in 2023, I was online and I saw photos implying she had gotten back together with the same ex that left her for someone else. I was confused.
Ah! Did you reach out to her?
Immediately! I couldn’t believe my eyes. When he first left her, I made sure to confront him online for what he did, so I didn’t imagine they’d get back together.
What did she say when you reached out?
She said she didn’t appreciate me commenting on business that wasn’t mine. She said I should mind my business, and the only reason she didn’t block me for asking about it was our longstanding friendship. So I pulled back and didn’t reach out to her after that.
Did you guys ever speak after that argument?
Yeah. I posted something on my WhatsApp status, and she reacted to it. I called her to catch up, and she promised to call me back later, but she never did. When her birthday came around, I sent her well wishes as proof that I had forgiven her, but she never responded. At that point, I had to accept that she no longer considered me a friend. We haven’t been in contact since then.
Do you think you guys could still be friends if she came back to apologise?
Funny enough, yes. I love her enough that I’m willing to continue our friendship, but only on the condition that she starts pulling her weight. I’m not interested in a one-sided thing anymore.
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