Sunken Ships is a Zikoko weekly series that explores the how and why of the end of all relationships — familial, romantic or just good old friendships.
Yemi* (23) met Denrele* (24) at her cousin’s church in her final semester. They clicked instantly and, for a while, it seemed like they were heading toward an official relationship.
But things unravelled when Denrele said he couldn’t date her because he wanted to “focus on his relationship with God” while still trying to get her to come over to his place.
How did you guys meet?
I saw Denrele for the first time at my cousin’s church in November 2024. I was in school, wrapping up my final semester, and she invited me to a service. I went even though I don’t enjoy church services away from my home church. There, I saw a gorgeous man with fresh skin and dimples sitting in my field of view, and I was immediately smitten. When I asked, my cousin said he was their church’s keyboardist. She introduced us after the service, and I decided then and there that I was getting his number.
I love the confidence. Did you walk up to him to ask for it?
No, o. I got his number from my best friend who was in the choir at the church. She was hesitant to share his number at first. She said one of our mutual acquaintances was in a talking stage with him but Denrele had confided in her that it wasn’t going anywhere. So I convinced her to give it to me, and I messaged him to introduce myself the following Monday.
How did he respond?
He was wary at first. He wasn’t sure who I was because we were introduced in passing, but when I complimented his smile and dimples, he became more open. We started talking regularly and arranged a meet-up at my school only three days after our first texts.
Ah, that fast?
Yeah! We matched each other’s energy pretty well. We talked about almost everything: past relationships, school troubles, church and more, so it was easy to say yes when he asked to meet. We hung out on campus the first two times we saw each other, and it was great. The third time we met, I went to his place and had a great time hanging out with him, but while I was there, a red flag popped up.
Tell me about that.
The acquaintance I mentioned earlier, who was in a talking stage with him, called. I overheard her apologising for the way she had behaved, and she asked to come to his place to see him. Denrele lied that he wasn’t home and said he was on a date. When the call ended, I told him I didn’t want to start drama with any other people he was seeing, but he quickly denied it. He said they were just friends and nothing was happening there. I told him it was obvious that she liked him but he insisted she was just being friendly and he would have a talk with her to clarify their relationship properly.
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Did you believe him?
I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt even though I still had my suspicions. The following Friday, he invited me over to his place again. While there, I overheard his neighbours fighting and tried to eavesdrop at his window. When I turned back to him, he was standing very close to me and asked to kiss me. I said yes, and our first kiss made me forget any suspicions of another woman. We ended up making out for a while, which was not in my plans so I made some excuses and went home. As soon as I got back to my room, my roommates knew that something had happened between us and started teasing me about leading the church keyboardist astray.
Did that offend you?
Not at all, it was funny. They kept telling me not to break his heart like I was a menace to men’s hearts.
Okay, what happened next?
We started hanging out a lot. He met my close friends and family who stayed in the city, and it was becoming more and more obvious to other people that we were a thing, even though we weren’t official. In December, I had to go home to my parents in Lagos because my school went on strike, so this meant Denrele and I were mostly speaking on the phone.
Did the time apart affect your relationship with him?
Not at first. We were speaking on the phone and texting into the new year. In January 2025, before I went back to school, I asked him to clarify where our relationship was going because we acted like more than friends. His reply surprised me.
What did he say?
He said he would prefer to have that conversation with me in person so we should wait till after the strike was called off. That answer satisfied me at first but then, an old flame I had an on and off relationship with invited me out while I was in Lagos and kissed me. I didn’t know if I should have felt bad about it because Denrele and I were still unlabelled.
Did you bring up the topic with Denrele again?
Yes, I did, and I was insistent this time. I told him I don’t like unlabelled situationships, and I wanted to know what we were doing. That was when he told me he couldn’t be in a romantic relationship because he wanted to focus on God and grow his relationship with Him.
Ah.
I was shocked too. Denrele was always the one to initiate any hangouts or intimate moments we had, so it was surprising to me that his excuse was that he wanted to focus on his spirituality. I told him that it didn’t work for me, and we should return to being casual friends.
How did he take that?
Denrele refused. He said he couldn’t go back to being just friends with me because he was in love with me. That shocked me even more. I didn’t think we had enough history for love to come into the picture but he said he couldn’t let me go and he wanted me in his life. I was still confused about what to do so I went to vent to my best friend and that’s when more information started coming to light.
What did you find out?
Apparently, the “focusing on God” line is his catchphrase. When I told my best friend, she said the conversation sounded familiar and went to check her chats. That’s when I found out that he said almost the exact thing to the girl who was trying to come over the first time I went to his place. While he was telling me that he would clarify their relationship, he was telling her that he couldn’t continue with her because he was focusing on his relationship with God. My best friend got screenshots of his conversation with the babe, and when we compared it with mine, the only difference was that he didn’t tell her he was in love with her. I was stunned.
What did you do after this?
Nothing. They called off the strike right after, and I resumed school. When I went to church, he acted friendly and like nothing had happened. We had reduced our communication after I found out he was telling the other girl the same thing he told me, but after he saw me in church, he ramped up the number of texts he sent me.
What was he saying?
He kept asking me to come over and saying how much he loved and missed me. I had already mentally checked out by then, but I had wrapped up my semester and was going back home to Lagos in a few days. So I went to see him one last time for closure but I didn’t tell him it was the last time.
I told him I was going back to Lagos permanently a few days later and he started begging me to come over again. Unfortunately for him, I was already in the bus home when he sent me that.
Did he reach out to you after you got back to Lagos?
Yes, he did, but I’ve put that chapter with him behind me. I’m now looking to the Lagos men to satisfy my romantic needs. That’s a story for another day, sha.
Would you get back together with Denrele if he reached out?
No. Like I said, I’ve put that relationship behind me. But if he ever did, I’d tell him that I, too, want to focus on my relationship with God.
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