Sex Life: Navigating Sex As A Trans Woman In Nigeria

June 27, 2020

Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.

The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 22-year-old trans woman who only began transitioning 5 months ago. She talks about how hormone therapy has affected her sex life and why she needed to join OnlyFans.

What was your first sexual experience?

My first-ever experience was anal sex. I think I was 15 and he was 29. We’d been talking for a while and we finally decided to meet up. I remember it being very, very painful. I bled all through and it continued for days after. It eventually stopped on its own.

Damn. Everything about that sounds awful.

It’s fine. It’s all in the past; it’s actually something I really wanted at the time. 

Okay. So, when did you realise you were trans?

I’ve always been very feminine. Growing up, a lot of people mistook me for a girl. That’s not why I believed I was a woman though. It’s just something I’ve always known. I knew I couldn’t be me until I was finally in the right body.

Does that mean you’ve taken medical steps to transition?

For me, transitioning is about becoming my most authentic self, not changing into someone I’m not. I was never a man. I was just a beautiful woman trapped in the wrong body. To fix that, I’ve had to alter myself with medication. 

So, yeah, I’m currently undergoing hormone therapy. I started in January this year. 

How hard has that been in Nigeria?

It’s been hard, but not as hard as you’d imagine. The drugs I use were made to provide estrogen for women with hormonal imbalances. So, whenever I go to the pharmacy to buy them, no one questions me. They just assume I’m getting it for someone else. 

The real hard part is getting the money to consistently buy the drugs.

So you’re self-medicating? 

I have to. I don’t think there are any doctors in Nigeria that can or will help someone like me. I’ve had to do a lot of research on my own to figure out the drugs I can take to get what I want. I’m still doing research.

How’s your family been throughout all of this?

Well, my family has always known that I like boys, and that’s one thing, but expecting Nigerian parents to be cool with their child transitioning feels like asking for too much. When my mum and older relatives found out, they were very upset.

Oddly enough, some of my younger relatives have been quite accepting. Even though my entire body is visibly changing, they still see me as me. That’s something a lot of the people in my life have not been able to do. 

What are some of these changes?

For the first month, my skin felt very soft; almost like you could pull it off my bone. Then I got used to that. By the second month, my breast tissues started developing, I noticed fat moving to my face and I began losing muscle.

Then all my body hair started thinning out. The hair on my head is also a lot softer and fuller. I still grow facial hair, but it’s not nearly as much as it used to be and it’s a lot thinner. Even the bumps I got from shaving are mostly gone. 

So, how has hormone therapy affected your sex life?

It’s changed it in so many ways. Before I started the therapy, my sex life was very active. I could literally have sex for hours without getting tired. Now, my sex life has totally depreciated. The drugs have really decreased my libido.

For the first two months on estrogen, the idea of sex totally repulsed me. Before this, I used to follow a lot of porn accounts on Twitter, but I had to unfollow all of them. I just couldn’t deal with seeing people have sex, not to talk of masturbating.

Wow. Did that change in the following months?

Yeah. By the third month, my body began to adapt a bit. I started to feel a little horny, but I still wasn’t ready to have sex. At that point, I only wanted to be touched by someone and nothing more. 

I still don’t know how to explain everything I was feeling, but it was so funny. One minute, I’d want someone to come around and caress me; the next minute, I couldn’t stand the sight of a man in my house. It was a lot.

Funny enough, it did have a positive effect. It made me more decisive about who and what I wanted. Before all this, I would sleep with literally anyone as long as I found them attractive. With my libido reduced, I wasn’t being controlled by my sexual urges anymore.

That’s interesting.

Yeah. Now, the only time I’m outwardly sexual is on Twitter, but that’s just me putting on a show. It’s how I make my money. People that follow my account want to see a trans woman from Nigeria being sexy and sexual, but that’s not who I am in real life anymore. 

There are a lot of myths people believe about trans women, especially those who watch trans porn. So, people come expecting me to have huge breasts and a big dick that I just want to stick in everything and everyone. 

These days, simply having and maintaining an erection is a lot of work. That being said, my body has been doing some new and interesting things. I’ve actually been getting double orgasms and dry orgasms, which are really fun and intense.

That’s incredible. So, how exactly do you make money from Twitter?

I mostly charge people to do video calls. I rarely meet in person for sex because it’s not safe. I also recently started an OnlyFans page. A lot of people don’t know there are trans people in Nigeria, so whenever they find me, they become curious.

People kept asking to see me naked, so I decided to make them pay for it. 

LMAO. I stan. How long have you had the account?

I actually started the Twitter account before I began transitioning. I had a boyfriend at the time, and we’d make porn videos together and post it for fun. We weren’t making any money from it, but that’s how I got thousands of followers. 

Now, this is the only way I can feed myself. I can’t work anywhere because it isn’t safe. Simply existing in Nigeria makes me a target for transphobic and homophobic people. So, all I can do is make money from curious people online. 

That’s awful. What happened with that ex?

When I told him I wanted to transition, he told me he didn’t want to be with a woman. 

I’m sorry about that. 

It’s fine. I used to cheat on him anyway.

LMAO. So, what kind of clients do you typically get?

Most of the men that solicit me are straight. For a few though, I think it’s a way to avoid the ‘homosexual’ label. I guess liking dick is not as gay when it’s attached to a woman. Those ones are always fixated on it. They always want to touch it and suck it.

Does that bother you?

It used to, but I’m now cool with it. My dick is what makes me different from cis women. I plan to keep it until I’m in my 30s or 40s, then I’ll undergo gender reassignment surgery.

Alright. How would you rate your sex life on a scale of 1 to 10?

I’ll give it a 5. I’m still getting to understand my new body.

Check back every Saturday by 12pm for new stories in the Sex Life series. If you would like to get this story in your mail before everyone else — complete with inside gist that doesn’t make the final cut, sign up here. Catch up on older stories here.

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