Love Life is a Zikoko weekly series about love, relationships, situationships, entanglements and everything in between.
Oluwanifemi, 20, and Ayomide, 20 have been dating for five months. Today on Love Life, they talk about meeting on Clubhouse, falling in love within three days and making a long-distance relationship work.
What is your earliest memory of each other?
Oluwanifemi: I joined a queer room on Clubhouse in January. I remember hearing their voice and thinking they sound nice. So I checked their profile on Twitter. It was private so I sent a request. I wondered if they were going to accept my request or what I would DM her if they did.
Ayomide: We were actually playing a game on Clubhouse that day. We had to come up with pickup lines to use on people in the room. If they worked, we would win a prize. Each person was entitled to two pick up lines but I had three pickup lines for her LOL.
Did the pickup lines work?
Ayomide: I don’t know if they worked but I didn’t even text her to find out because I was scared. She had snapped at someone in the room on Clubhouse. Later I noticed she had requested to follow me on Twitter and I approved it.
How did you two start talking?
Oluwanifemi: There was one time one couple was fighting on Clubhouse. Ayomide was in the room with me but they had to leave to sort out something and when they tried to join again, the room was too full to accept more listeners. I was tweeting about what was going on so they DMed me to gist them what was going on in the room. Lmao, I started taking notes of the fight in my Notes app. In my head, I was asking myself, “Sis, are you really doing this because of amebo?”
Ayomide: She was so dedicated to giving me gist. After that, I quoted a tweet about a queer couple that had met on Twitter saying I wanted to recreate that. She sent me a message and we decided to go on a virtual date.
Oluwanifemi: I already had a crush on them so when I saw that tweet, I concluded that it was the universe telling me to shoot my shot.
What was the date like?
Oluwanifemi: We didn’t even have a plan. We just showed up on Facetime and talked.
Ayomide: It was 11 pm my time and 6 pm her time. We were dressed the way we would have been if we went on a physical date. She wore a crop top and I remember being so mesmerized by her.
Oluwanifemi: Me too. We had so much to talk about I remember telling them that I might have overshared and they said, “Who gets to decide what is too much or too little?” That resonated with me.
Ayomide: I can’t remember a lot of the things I said that day because I was really mesmerised by her LMAO. I know I prepared cards to help aid the conversation but we didn’t even need that because our chemistry was great.
Oluwanifemi: I was already in love with their voice from Clubhouse. I was just in awe. That night, I knew that we had the potential to date but I wasn’t sure. Regardless, I told them during the date that I wasn’t there to be friends — I was trying to sleep with them.
Aww. What happened after?
Oluwanifemi: After the date, they messaged me on Twitter to tell me they had a good time. I said it was mutual and we continued talking. Two days later, we made a playlist together on Spotify.
Ayomide: Yea, we added songs that we both liked and thought the other person should listen to. We would get on the phone and listen to the playlist together. It was so cute.
Oluwanifemi: One day, they randomly Facetimed me and we were messing around with Facetime effects as we were on the call. They typed the “I love you” on their screen and I just started laughing because it was so fast. I have been in the talking stage for like a year before. This was three days after our first date. LMAO. The next day, I sent a voice note saying I love them too. That’s how we started dating — we didn’t need to ask each other out, we just knew from then on that we were a couple.
How has the relationship been so far?
Ayomide: Long distance has been hard. I used to laugh at the sapphic stereotype of falling in love with people who lived oceans away, only to now become the stereotype. I live in Nigeria and she lives in Canada but we have been able to make it work so far.
Initially, the time difference used to drive me insane. I have a job and she’s a student so finding the perfect time to talk in between our busy schedules and sleeping hours was hell but we’ve hacked it now and we always make out time to talk to each other. We have dates as often as possible where we talk about our future together so we both know we are not fooling around in this relationship.
So far, this has been the most satisfying relationship of my life. My belly feels full of love because of her. Some days, I find myself grinning because I know I am loved by someone as beautiful as her. Sometimes, it feels like my heart is going to burst. LMAO.
Oluwanifemi: Aww. For me, I feel like I have found someone I can fully be myself with. I don’t have to hide anything about myself with them which is new for me because, in past relationships, I had to shrink myself to get my partners to like me more. I feel loved and accepted here. We are constantly checking up on each other.
We put in a lot of effort to make the relationship work. We read and share articles with each other that help us be better partners with each other. They introduced me to Bell Hooks’ All About Love and the way love is described in the book is how Ayomide loves me. They are careful with me, with words and they don’t hesitate to tell me how much they love me. They also put me on to good music.
What’s the best part of the relationship?
Oluwanifemi: I love the freedom it gives me to be myself. I am able to have my own beliefs and opinions on life. There is always room for everything with us. Ayomide is always affirming me and reassuring me. This relationship was just what I needed and more. I never thought a romantic relationship would satisfy me this much. I am more particular about my friendships than relationships but with Ayomide, I know I have a friend in them. I would like to do things other couples do though like going on a sip and paint date or cuddling each other to sleep.
Ayomide: The best part of the relationship for me is that she is in it with me. I also love the way we communicate with each other. We strive for softness and kindness in our interactions. Honestly, this relationship is everything I dreamed of.
Have you ever fought? What was your biggest fight about?
Ayomide: It happened recently. I was going through stuff at work and she was also having issues with school. We hadn’t talked about it but it was affecting communication with each other. It led to us not talking for ten hours. Eventually, I reached out and we asked each other what was really going on with us.
Oluwanifemi: There isn’t much to fight about. We try to communicate as much as we can and we respect each other’s opinions. When we have differing opinions, we always remember to be kind to one another. It’s us against the problem and not us against each other. We also try to voice out anything that we don’t like so that it doesn’t grow into resentment.
What’s your favourite thing about each other?
Ayomide: My favourite thing about her is her lips and the laughter that comes out of them. I love hearing her laugh so much. I don’t have to know what’s making her laugh, I just laugh too.
Oluwanifemi: LMAO. It’s the same for me. Your laughter is contagious.
Do you have future plans together?
Ayomide: Yes we do. She is coming to Nigeria later this year to stay for a while and I’m planning to go to Canada next year.
Rate the relationship on a scale of 1 – 10
Oluwanifemi: It can’t be 11 — we haven’t met yet.
Ayomide: It’s 11 because I am receiving everything I’ve ever wanted in love and I couldn’t be happier.
Oluwanifemi: Aww. It’s 9.5 for me because I feel like there’s still room for me to be better. I could be more understanding than I currently am. Sometimes I tend to forget things they told me until they remind me. I want to improve on things like that. Also, we haven’t met each other yet so I’m leaving the 0.5 till then.
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