Sex Life is an anonymous Zikoko weekly series that explores the pleasures, frustrations and excitement of sex in the lives of Nigerians.
The subject of today’s Sex Life is a 30-year-old man who has a fascination with ear piercings. He talks about realising ear piercings are a way he connects with his feminine side, and how he only gets attracted to people with piercings.
What was your first sexual experience?
I wasn’t sexually active early because I had very protective parents, so I wasn’t overexposed to stuff too early. My first time was with a sort of family friend.
in my second year of uni. After that, I became sexually active. The thing between me and my family friend went on for maybe two or three years and stopped just before my final year. During that time, I did stuff with two or three other people. I’d say I wasn’t overly sexually active in university.
Do you know why your sex life wasn’t too active in uni?
I’m introverted so I don’t ask people out. Even now that I’m very active, I’ve never been someone to ask people out. I usually got involved with people through mutual friends, I never actively went out of my way to chase people. I’m not the kind of person that would DM a person they like. So that’s probably why. Around this time, I also realised I had a thing for ear piercings.
Tell me about that.
I’ve always been into earrings. When I was younger, I’d try on earrings and get off looking at myself in the mirror. Four years ago, I got my first two piercings, and I’ve gotten one more every year since. I have six ear piercings now. I find that they help me appeal to my feminine side.
How has this attraction shaped your sex life?
I think I’m attracted to people with piercings. And I’m more attracted to people with multiple piercings.
Body piercings? Ear piercings?
Just ear piercings. When I was in uni, I started reading and discovered that other people had this sort of relationship with piercing the way I do. Almost everyone I’ve been with had multiple piercings. It’s not even a conscious choice.
Do you have a preference for how the ear piercings should be?
Some people have piercings that are all over the place, and it turns me off. I like piercings with symmetry. It just looks like art.
How do your partners react when you tell them about your interest in piercings?
Most of the people I’ve been with find it intriguing but they eventually get their fill and get bored before moving on.
I have to ask, do the ear piercings come into play during sex? Like during the actual act, do you play with them and stuff?
Nah, it doesn’t. The simplest way I can put it is that ear piercings on a person heightens arousal in me. An example is in the TV show, How I Met Your Mother. One of the main characters, Lily, was turned on by her husband’s calves. It sounds ridiculous but seeing it in public or in bed turned her on. That’s a bit similar to me with ear piercings.
Why do you think you are fascinated by piercings?
I always wanted to get a piercing. I got one, then another. I started feeling like I was maybe bigender, and my piercing is a way for me to express myself. I don’t remember having gone through any traumatic experience growing up, so I can’t say any of this is linked to trauma or anything like that.
Can you tell me about being bigender?
I’ve been reading and trying to discover why I feel the way I feel and that’s probably the closest thing I could discover. Like sometimes, I feel feminine and other times, I feel masculine.
So do you think ear piercings on yourself are a way to appeal to your feminine side?
Yes, I guess it’s sort of a way of appealing to my feminine side.
So what do you identify as?
Male. I’m not sure I’m woke enough or understand myself enoughto identify as anything else.
What about sexually?
If I was forced to pick, it would be somewhere in between heterosexual and pansexual.
What’s your sex life like?
I think my sex life is okay. I think I’ll probably need to leave the country to fully understand myself because Nigeria is very limiting for obvious reasons. I don’t even wear earrings a lot except when I’m with friends or myself, especially after I got stopped once by the police. My office also unofficially has a limiting dress code.
Right now, I’m looking forward to trying to be with men. I’ve been a sub to women but not men. I had an experience once but it didn’t go anywhere.
On a scale of 1 to 10, what would you rate your sex life?
I would rate it at 7. I’m comfortable, but I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface of my sexuality.