*Rose (25) always believed love could bridge any gap, but nothing prepared her for what it meant to love a man her father couldn’t stand. The tension was clear from the moment she introduced *Jerry (30). Now, as her marriage begins to crack under the weight of his disapproval, she’s left torn between the two most important men in her life.
This is Rose’s story as told to Mofiyinfoluwa
From the very beginning, my dad has made clear he doesn’t like my husband, *Jerry. That disapproval has been one of the most painful parts of our marriage.
I met Jerry in 2021 at a mutual friend’s birthday party. He stood out immediately, not just because he was kind, but because he listened. I’m soft-spoken. People often talk over me, but Jerry saw me.
We exchanged numbers and started talking every day. Before long, things became serious. We never really dated in the traditional sense. After eight months of talking, he planned my dream proposal on the beach, and we got engaged. It all felt so fast, but it also felt right. I had always wanted to start my own family, and at 23, fresh out of NYSC and medical school, I had something that belonged to me.
My mum passed away when I was 15, so it’s been me, my dad, and my two siblings. My dad gave us lots of love — definitely more than most Nigerian parents — but he holds very strong, rigid views. I already knew my dad wouldn’t be thrilled about Jerry, but I didn’t expect things to get this bad.
He first said I was too young and should focus on building my future. Then, he found out Jerry was a teacher, and things got worse. My dad is a successful businessman, and he cares a lot about status. To him, teachers are poor and lazy — not someone his daughter should be with. He compared me to my older sister, an accountant in the U.S., and kept asking why I couldn’t follow a “better” path like hers.
I tried to explain that Jerry wasn’t lazy. He ran a lesson centre and juggled extra tutoring jobs just to build a future for us. But my dad didn’t care. He refused to meet Jerry at first and tried convincing me to call off the wedding and secretly move abroad. It took family members begging him before he reluctantly agreed to the wedding.
Even then, he made the entire process difficult. He criticised everything, from how Jerry’s family behaved to how they dressed and how much they contributed. When I used some of my savings to support Jerry with aso ebi expenses, he shouted and said he wouldn’t wear it. I’d never seen him act that petty before.
The first few months of marriage were tough. I didn’t have a job yet, and Jerry did everything he could to keep us afloat. My dad helped with some money once in a while, but it always came with passive-aggressive comments like ‘You brought this on yourself. One time, he sent our rent money and used ‘good luck’ as the narration. I stopped asking after that and borrowed money from my younger brother, which only made my dad angrier.
It’s been over a year since the wedding, and Jerry and I are finally finding our rhythm. I got into a residency program, and Jerry’s work has picked up. But now that we’re considering starting a family, I’m scared.
My dad has already started with the passive-aggressive comments. He recently said, “The only thing that man knows how to do is get you pregnant.” I laughed it off, but it hurt. I want to be excited about growing our family, but my dad’s disapproval feels like a dark cloud hanging over everything.
Jerry and I had a fight recently about my dad. It happened after a family lunch during Easter. My dad made a comment about Jerry’s lesson centre not “picking up.” Jerry got defensive and responded. My dad got angry, and he asked us to leave. Later, I told Jerry he shouldn’t have responded. I didn’t think it helped his case. He said I should have backed him up if I didn’t want him to defend himself, and accused me of putting my dad before him.
I don’t think that’s true. I’ve acknowledged how bad my dad can be, and I do my best to prevent things from escalating. But then, Jerry told me something that shocked me — that he was banning me from visiting my dad as the man of the house. He wanted me to choose, and that’s not possible. My dad has been everything to me since my mum died. He never remarried, even though he easily could have. Instead, he chose to raise my siblings and me. It feels wrong to cut him off.
Since that argument, Jerry has been spending less time at home. He claims he’s studying at the lesson centre, but he smells of alcohol when he comes home. The anxiety I feel these days is crippling. I cry so much because I’m seeing a side of him I didn’t know existed. I can’t even talk to my dad about it. A part of me wonders if he was right about Jerry, but I also feel like he may have pushed us into this situation.
I love my husband. He makes me feel seen, safe, and supported. But sometimes I wonder how long I can carry the emotional weight of loving someone my father resents so deeply. I keep hoping my dad will come around. I’m worried Jerry and I might not survive it.
Read Next: My Ex Made a Love Playlist With Her Coworker. I Haven’t Dated Since
