On the Streets is a Zikoko weekly series about the chaos of modern dating: from situationships and endless talking stages, to heartbreak and everything it means to be single in today’s world.
At 25, Joshua* is navigating recovery after a long battle with substance addiction that started in university and slowly damaged his relationships, self-worth and mental health.
In this episode of On the Streets, he talks about the choices that led him down that path, the relationships he ruined along the way, and the moment he finally realised the damages in his life.
What’s your current relationship status, and how do you feel about it?
I’m single, and I think that’s for the best right now. I’ve struggled with addiction for years and only recently started making progress. It wouldn’t be fair to drag someone else into my current situation.
How did you get to this point?
I started smoking in 2017 after I graduated from secondary school.
I’d just gained admission into a private university, and my roommates were the cool guys on campus. I got carried away trying to fit in with them. At first, we only smoked weed on weekends to chill because the school was extremely strict.
But by my second semester, one of my roommates got high and caused trouble in the cafeteria. The school management carried out drug tests, and he snitched on the rest of us. They tested us too, and everyone who came back positive got rusticated immediately.
Wow
That period was the first real difficulty I faced in life. My parents were devastated. I stayed at home for months feeling like my life was over. Thankfully, my mum knew someone on the board of another private university, and they agreed to give me a second chance. But I had to start again from 100 level in 2019.
Sounds tough. How did starting over affect you?
It made things worse. The new school was more relaxed, and drugs were everywhere. I also carried a lot of shame from being rusticated. My dad kept saying I’d become a failure, and his words really got to me.
At that point, smoking stopped being fun and became my escape from how disappointed I felt in myself.
Right. Did all of this spill into personal relationships, too? Were you even dating?
I had a thing with Esther*, we met within my first year at the new school. Her friend approached me because Esther was too shy to speak to me herself. I found that really cute.
We got talking and started dating in 2020. I hid some parts of myself from Esther because I really liked her. I lied about why I left my first university and hid the fact that I smoked.
Hmm
I feared she’d see me differently. But a friend from my former university told her the truth. She confronted me about getting rusticated, and even then, I denied it. That completely affected the trust between us.
Then the COVID lockdown happened just a few months into our relationship, and things got worse. I became emotionally distant. She’d send long messages asking what was wrong, and I’d ignore her for days because I felt ashamed about the things she knew about me.
Eventually, she got tired of my behaviour and broke up before the lockdown ended.
How did you take that?
It pushed me deeper into addiction. I started experimenting with stronger substances. I’d tell my mum I was going to a friend’s music studio, but really we were just getting high.
My mental health became terrible around that time. I was depressed all the time. I’m from a good family where all my siblings were responsible and successful, so I constantly felt like a disappointment. Every time I felt overwhelmed, I chased another high to numb it.
Most of my relationships became casual. I had a few talking stages and situationships, but they never lasted because I avoided emotional intimacy and was very inconsistent.
In my final year, I had a terrifying experience that made me cut everyone off for a while.
What happened?
I tried colos for the first time and blacked out completely. My friends rushed me to the school clinic because they thought I was dying. The clinic found substances in my system and contacted my parents.
That incident really shook my family. My parents considered rehab, but they couldn’t afford it then. Instead, I moved out of the hostel and stayed with a family friend who kept a close eye on me.
The school eventually pardoned me, and I graduated with a third class. It crushed me because I’d always been academically brilliant growing up.
I’m sorry. How was life after university?
I landed a job and moved to Lagos in 2023 with some friends from school. That was when things got much worse.
Living without supervision gave me complete freedom, and I abused it. I smoked every single day. Most of my salary went into substances. I’d stay up partying all night and miss work meetings the next morning because I was too high to function. Eventually, I lost my job.
Thankfully, one of my friends helped me get another job at his older brother’s company, so my parents never found out. I kept convincing myself I still had my life under control, even though I clearly didn’t.
Around that time, I met Mirabel* at a house party, and my situation worsened.
Tell me about Mirabel.
Mirabel was wild like me. I think I liked her because, for the first time, I felt like I could be myself with someone who understood that lifestyle.
But the relationship was unhealthy from the start. We enabled each other constantly. Instead of helping me improve, the relationship normalised my bad habits.
Our fights were intense because neither of us was mentally okay. She had a lot of childhood trauma and sometimes called me crying, but by then, I’d become emotionally numb. Instead of comforting her, I’d snap at her, and it always led to more arguments. I was constantly defensive and aggressive.
Eventually, I ended things because I felt like her struggles were messing with my mental health. Looking back, she wasn’t the problem. Substance abuse had changed my personality completely.
Right. So when did you realise your addiction was affecting you?
I realised it in 2024 after I ran into a friend from university. He kept asking if I was alright because, according to him, I’d changed. I could see pity written all over his face. He was doing well and had landed a job at a popular company. That moment made me realise I was wasting my life.
I tried quitting afterwards, but withdrawal was horrible. I’d stop for a few days, relapse, then start again. It became a cycle until Faith* tried to help me.
How did you meet Faith?
We met at church. I started going because I wanted to distract myself with normal activities. After a few weeks, I noticed and approached her. Faith was different from anyone I’d ever been interested in.
She was gentle and very supportive. I told her early on that I was trying to recover from smoking, and instead of judging me, she tried to help. She became my accountability partner. She checked on me constantly and encouraged me.
Unfortunately, after a few weeks, I slipped back into my old ways and started lying to her. I started getting angry whenever she sent me articles or videos about addiction because it felt like she was judging me.
Things got worse when she found my social media accounts. I tweeted disgusting things and posted highly sexual content that completely clashed with the image she had of me.
She confronted me, but instead of listening, I lashed out at her. My friends had gotten into my head, so I called her controlling and said a lot of hurtful things. That day, she blocked me everywhere.
We’d only been talking for three months.
That must’ve hurt
It did because she really wanted to help me. I think Faith was the first person who forced me to seriously confront my problem. But losing her only pushed me deeper into addiction. Whenever I felt pain, I ran back to smoking to numb everything.
Even then, part of me still wanted to quit. But to do that, I knew I needed to change my environment. I spent months stalling instead of leaving my friends and returning home. Then two things happened in 2025 that changed my mind completely.
What happened?
The first was realising I was becoming violent. One night, one of my friends got into an argument with our gateman. During the fight, I smashed a bottle over the man’s head. Even now, I still struggle to believe I did that.
I grew up in a good home and got the best education, yet I behaved like a tout. That was the first time I realised I wasn’t that different from the addicts I used to judge on the streets.
The second thing was losing a friend. We used to hype him because he could take insane amounts of drugs. But eventually, he started experiencing psychosis. He became extremely aggressive, and his family forced him into rehab.
We didn’t hear from him for months and assumed he’d recover, but in October 2025, his family told us he’d overdosed and died after leaving rehab.
When I heard the news, I remember shivering from fear. For the first time, I realised I might actually die if I continued down that path.
Did that make you finally ask for help?
Yes. I couldn’t sleep for days afterwards. Eventually, I opened up to my older brother abroad, and he pushed me to come home. I followed his advice.
When I got back home, I broke down in front of my mum. I begged her never to let me return to Lagos because I knew I was losing myself.
My parents wanted rehab, but I was terrified of it. Instead, I stayed home and asked them to monitor me closely. The withdrawal was brutal. Sometimes I’d see people smoking outside, and my hands would literally start shaking.
But I’ve started improving. This year has been much better, and I’m focused on healing mentally. Some days are still difficult because I compare myself to my peers and feel like I wasted years of my life. But I try to use that feeling as motivation not to relapse.
I recently met a girl I really like, but I’m intentionally keeping things platonic. I don’t want to drag anyone into my struggles while I’m still recovering.
I’m rooting for you. What would you say your experience has taught you about how you handle relationships?
One thing I’ve learnt is that people project their pain onto others. Looking back now, I can admit I was toxic in many of my relationships because I was unhappy with myself.
I used to hate when people reduced me to my addiction, but I now know that it influenced the way I treated people. It made me dishonest and emotionally unavailable.
So before I think about love again, I want to become healthier mentally and emotionally.
Finally, how are the streets treating you these days? Rate it on a scale of 1 to 10.
I’d give it an 8/10. I’ve been detached from relationships for so long that being single doesn’t really bother me. If anything, relationships used to feel stressful because of everything I was dealing with internally.
But I don’t think I’ve ever truly experienced healthy love before. I’m excited by the possibility that when I’m in a better place, I finally will.
Read Next: I Reunited With My First Love After 36 Years, But His Children Hate Me
