Nigerians parents would rather walk into a crocodile-infested river than spend two minutes in a room with a cat. You now bring a woman, who claims to be a cat, to meet your parents?
Disaster.
On this episode of #JustImagine, Catwoman meets her Nigerian in-laws and things get very weird.
There is a small crowd in the living room. People are eating, gisting and laughing when Kene and Catwoman walk into the house. Catwoman is dressed in a tight-fitting black spandex suit with a tail. She is also wearing a mask and holding a black whip. Everyone appears a little confused.
Kene: Good Afternoon Papa, Mama.
Kene’s parents: Welcome, my son.
Kene and Catwoman take a seat.
Kene’s father: (adjusts glasses) And who is this?
Kene: The girl I have been telling you about. My girlfriend. Catwoman.
Catwoman: (smiles) MEOW
Everybody:
Kene’s Father:
Kene’s mother:
Kene’s aunty:
Kene’s father: You want to marry cat?
Kene: (sigh) She’s not a cat.
Catwoman: (nods) I am not… MEOWW
Kene’s Uncle: Na cat o.
Kene’s mother:
Kene’s father: If I marry cat, will I have born you?
Kene:
Kene’s aunty, Mama Patrick, whispers to her son.
Mama Patrick: Maybe, that’s why they have not given you visa. Because of this cat.
Patrick: Na true.
Kene: Aunty, Patrick is an armed robber. That’s why they refused his visa.
Patrick: Who say I am an armed robber?
Mama Patrick: You too be hiding your gun now!
Kene’s cousin comes in.
Kene: Nasiru, take my girlfriend’s load inside.
Nasiru: So I can turn to cat?
Kene’s father: Enough! We have seen her, and we will accept her. What do you want to eat my dear?
A rat runs by. Catwoman catches and chews it.
Mama Kene:
Papa Kene: And you’re sure you’re not spitting out the Holy Communion they use to give us in church, Kene?
Kene: (sighs)
Kene: Babe, you too stop eating rat now.
Catwoman: Sorry, it was just juicy. Want some?
Mama Kene: (shocked) You are eating asin with her?
Catwoman: My baby likes it.
Mama Kene: They have get my son.
Catwoman: Please ma, sir. I want to be with your son. He is kind, patient and he takes good care of our children…
Kene covers Catwoman’s mouth.
Mama Kene: Children? Whose children?
Papa Kene: Where are these children?
Catwoman removes Kene’s hands and speaks.
Catwoman: MEOW MEOW MEOW
Mama Kene: Who she dey call?
A bunch of cats walk into the house. Everywhere scatters. Mama Patrick a bible from her purse.
Papa Kene screams loudly over the phone.
Papa Kene: Dibia, be coming o! My son wants to marry cat!
Dibia: Cat?
Papa Kene: Yes o.
Dibia: Cats have shown me pepper. I cannot come. Na dem make I no succeed for life. I no fit do am. Happy Married Life to Kene.
Outside, Catwoman finally calms down and is on the roof with her cats. Kene is persuading her to come down.
Kene: Baby, come down. Nobody will hurt you.
Mama Kene: And tell her to be going with those cats!
Kene: Mama, they are your grandchildren!
Mama Kene: . . .
At that moment, Mama Patrick’s husband, Papa Patrick, walks into the compound.
Papa Patrick: (screams) What is going on here!
Catwoman: Chief?
Papa Patrick’ eyes budge.
Catwoman: Chief?
Papa Patrick: Which chief? Do I know you?
Catwoman: Are you not the one that has been saying you will change my life?
Mama Patrick: Ehn?
Papa Patrick: I don’t know who you’re talking about.
Catwoman: Didn’t you say you will sell everything you have for me?
Mama Patrick:
Patrick: Papa, did you sell my Xbox for woman?
Mama Patrick: You are sleeping with cat, Papa Patrick?
Catwoman plays a voice note on her phone and Papa Patrick’s voice comes on.
Baby let me show you the world. I will leave my entire family for you. My wife is not fine like that again. Even her bride price, I want to collect it back. Just let me do one, you won’t regret it. I like how you use to meow.
Mama Patrick:
