Have you ever wondered which disciple Davido or Babajide Sanwo-Olu would be if they were in the New Testament with Jesus? Whether you’ve had this thought or not, this article is here to help you visualise this alternate universe.
Burna Boy is Peter
Our one and only African giant who disappears when Nigeria actually needs him, Burna Boy has a lot in common with Simon Peter. Burna Boy also gives off the “I want to walk on water like my boss” energy. Tell me you see it too.
Mahmood Yakubu is Judas Iscariot
We’re not saying INEC Chairman, Mahmood Yakubu, sold Nigeria for 30 pieces of silver. But there’s something fishy about him resorting to manual result reporting after promising us electronic transmission with BVAs, ignoring cases of voter manipulation and suppression then announcing the winners at 2 a.m. that feels suspicious AF. Do with that information what you will.
Davido is John the Beloved
No stress, good vibes and loved by all, John was Jesus’ fave. Sounds a lot like our unproblematic king, Davido. All David Adeleke does is donate money to charities and make music about spoiling his baby with cash. We all love a benevolent king.
Yemi Osibanjo is Matthew
Matthew used to be a tax collector called Levi before he found Christ and said goodbye to the world of capitalism. Sounds a little bit like Vice President Yemi Osinbajo, who kept quiet during #EndSARS but tried to rebrand as a BFF to the youths when it was time for the presidential elections. But unlike Matthew, his rebrand flopped harder than BVAs on election day.
Pheelz is Andrew
According to the book of John, Andrew, Peter’s older brother, was a disciple of John the Baptist before he started following Jesus. His ability to port with such finesse reminds me of Pheelz’s transition from producing to singing. It’s giving talent, and I’m here for it.
Tiwa Savage is Mary Magdalene
Let’s be real, Mary Magdalene would’ve been a disciple if not for the patriarchy of those days. Before anyone comes for me, remember that this was the same era when people were willing to stone a woman who committed adultery, but nobody mentioned the man she slept with.
Tiwa Savage is just as talented as Nigeria’s big three, but people often forget to give our African Bad Gyal her flowers.
Omoyele Sowore is Thaddeus
Raise your hands if you remember Thaddeus from the bible. No one? Okay. Now, raise your hands if you think about Omoyele Sowore outside of election season? Glad we’re all on the same page. Thanks for coming to my TEDx Talk.
Thaddeus Atta is Mathias
Mathias was a last-minute addition to the disciples after Jesus died and Judas bounced. He wasn’t mentioned before he became a disciple, yet he somehow managed to score a spot on the hottest line-up in the Bible. This gist lowkey reminds me of how Thaddeus Atta of the Labour Party came out of nowhere to beat two popular candidates — Banky W of the People’s Democratic Party (PDP) and nepo-baby, Babjide Obanikoro (APC) — to get the Eti-Osa seat in the National Assembly during the 2023 general elections.
Babajide Sanwo-Olu is Doubting Thomas
Thomas, AKA Mr Show Me The Receipts, was the disciple who asked Jesus to prove he had resurrected even though he was talking to him face to face. This is the same way Lagos State Governor Babajide Sanwo-Olu has refused to acknowledge the 2020 Lekki Massacre even though the Nigerian Army has said he was the one who invited them. Hmmm.