Life is so unpredictable. One minute you’re living a life of bliss and enjoyment, and the next thing you know, your friend has released a song because they woke up and decided that rap is where their destiny lies. As a good friend, you have to do the needful and support this garbage. God, why?
Inspired by personal experiences, these are sure ways to help your friend’s career and hopefully overcome these dark times.
1. Lie to them
As a good friend, you can’t make your friend feel bad. Their happiness is riding on this supposed banger, so it is your job to hype them up and tell them that it slaps. Even if you hate it, lie, smile and bop your head from side to side.
2. Lie to yourself
Now that you’ve convinced them that you fuck with the song, it’s time to convince yourself that you actually like it. Do whatever you can to make this happen because you can only pretend for so long. If you have to try hypnosis, do it. Anything for your friend.
3. Clean out your ears
When was the last time you cleaned your ears? Think about it, what if the song is good and you’re the problem? Clean your ears to make sure.
4. Take their picture to the nearest Babalawo
You have to cross a line for the people you love, and this just happens to be one of those times. Visit a Babalawo, consult with the spirits and do whatever crazy ritual they ask you to do. Do all of this while singing the lyrics to your friend’s song. If all fails, at least the Babalawo will know the song because of you. One more fan.
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5. Go on the internet and support the hell out of that song
The internet is where everybody blows these days, ask Ayra Starr and Joeboy. So if you’re really a ride or die friend, you must be willing to risk your online credibility for your friend. If anyone bashes their music online, don’t hesitate to go to the comment section to fight and insult their generation. You have to be brutal — like a cross between the Beyhive and Wizkid FC.
6. Learn the lyrics of the song
You must be a joker if you’ve been doing all this gragra and didn’t even learn the song’s lyrics. As a matter of fact, buy a 2A notebook and write the lyrics over and over again till you memorise them. You have to really commit to this thing dear
7. Make a cameo in their music video (if they can afford one)
It’s time to dust off your dancing shoes and shake what your mama gave you. If your friend needs a video vixen, be ready to wear your shortest gown or ashawo shorts and rub some baby oil. You have to be the most active person in the video. Please twerk upside down if you have to. T for tenks.
8. Link them up with Don Jazzy
Don Jazzy has made stars like Wande Coal and Rema, and there’s no way these artists didn’t leave some of their talent on the mic before leaving his studio. Save all your money, book a session with Don Baba J, and watch your friend shoot up to Rookie of the Year at the next Headies Award.