7 Jobs Jose Mourinho Could Do if He Got Fired


November 3, 2015
Five months ago, Jose Mourinho was lifting his third Premier League trophy. Today, Chelsea are 15th in the league, and have endured their worst ever start to a Premier League season, losing half of their opening 10 games; two more defeats than they suffered throughout the whole of the previous campaign. The good news for Mourinho is that he’ll be £30m pounds richer if Abramovich wields the axe, as the Portuguese signed a lucrative new four-year deal during the summer, which is reportedly worth £8.5m a year. If the 52-year-old Special One is fired, we have some suggestions on his next career; with an eye on one per cent from his huge severance fee!

1. New James Bond Actor

Now that Daniel Craig is done with the franchise, Jose can step up.  He definitely has the acting ability – his extraordinary seven-minute monologue after the defeat to Southampton on October 3, and his meltdown at West Ham are stuff of legend. My name is Jose, Jose Mourinho.

2. Danfo Driver

There are days when Mourinho projects the impression he is out of control.  And in some games when it appears his paranoia is infecting his team and damaging their chances. In what job would those characteristics serve as a plus not a minus?

3. Professional Resume Writer

A good resume could land you that dream job. Still struggling on how to write one? Here’s a sample from Mourinho Consult Limited: “I’m Jose Mourinho, the winner of two UEFA Champions Leagues, eight domestic league titles and 22 trophies in total. I’m the greatest manager in Chelsea’s history.” “Many players have produced the best form of their career under me: Eden Hazard, Nemanja Matic, Branislav Ivanovic, Cesar Azpilicueta just to limit it to Chelsea. “Many are my signings. Some are my disciples. Where I lead, they have followed. While outsiders may condemn the behaviour of some of my players, I defend them – even Diego Costa. “I am the manager whose sides are built on watertight defending; I am the man whose teams go on extended excellent runs; I am the specialist in big games and the coach who could go for years without losing at home. “I have proved myself to be the best short-term manager in modern football. Rebuilding major clubs can be an expensive process. Just ask Manchester United, who have spent around £280 million under Louis van Gaal alone. “I remain a manager who is destined to be bracketed among the best.”

4. Prayer Warrior

It is a surprise that Chelsea owner Roman Abramovich has still not sacked Mourinho after a disappointing start to the season. If history has taught us anything, it’s that the Russian has sacked people for a lot less.

Claudio Ranieri

Andre Villas-Boas

Carlo Ancelotti

Luiz Felipe Scolari

Roberto Di Matteo

But what has kept Mourinho on the job thus far?  The power of a praying man! If he eventually loses his job, he can go back on his knees and make profit out of it by interceding for people in need of God’s protection from a challenging work environment.

5. Biographer to Arsene Wenger

Mourinho seems to always remember Arsene Wenger when he’s happy, sad, or out of a job.
“At Stamford Bridge, we have a file of quotes from Mr Wenger about Chelsea football club in the last 12 months – it is not a file of five pages. It is a file of 120 pages,” Mourinho said in November 2005.
That’s 10 years ago so we expect the dossier is now 1,000 pages and counting.  Perhaps it’s time to publish it and cash in on the special relationship.

6. Jose Mourinho, Model

He sure has the confidence. Does he carry himself well? Of course! (when his team is winning, though)! Does the camera love him? You mean, does he love the camera? And he dresses the part!

7. If all else fails, he should be a perfect replacement for…

Change is the only constant thing, right? Written by Zikoko Contributor Victor Akhidenor.

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